Dumbing of Age Vol. 5: Hey, Guess What, I'm a Lesbian! |
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| Written by: David Willis Cover by: David Willis Art by: David Willis Price: $19.99 Joyce was homeschooled, and these initial few weeks of college have been her first foray into public education. Joyce worries college is changing her, but when her childhood friend Becky shows up at the door, Joyce begins to learn exactly how much. (Also, Dina runs around in an adorable triceratops hoodie.) Buy now on comiXology! |
Patriarch
Tags: jennifer, ruth
Discussion (287) - “Patriarch”
Mr. Mendo
Well, Ruth handled that…well…
Lily Joyce
well….. she handled it….
Danni
points for nothing in the building needing to be fixed
Jess
Are you sure? I can think of a few things. Just not, you know, physically. XD
Clif
It was because she listened to the words coming out of her mouth. That’s almost always a tactical mistake.
Falling Star
sounding like your abusers is never something you want to experience
trust me
TrueVCU
Yet
Durandal_1707
Well, Faz needs to be fixed, but I guess he’s not in the building right now.
LWS
I’d nominate Mike to be neutered as well.
MrSpkr
Handled? Or “footled”?
Delicious Taffy
Go to your room.
Haven
In the sense that “all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well”, maybe.
iforgetwhatiputhere
Character lashes out by emulating the parent figure that messed them up, now where have I seen that before? Oh, that’s right, everywhere… 🙁
Clif
Ruth is a rank amateur. Amber could give her pointers.
Jon Rich
Wait, when did she say that? I can’t find where she told Billie to leave…
Trisk
here. there was some intense staring going on and everything
thejeff
Right before going in Chloe’s office.
Jon Rich
Oh, that’s why. I only looked in strips where Clint was tagged. Kind of dense of me, in hindsight. Thanks for the help!
Jon Rich
Also apparently my avatar is Amber when I’m on my phone, and Jocelyn when I’m on my laptop.
Raulwicke
Damnit Ruth….
AnvilPro
Game of Thrones!
Valerie
GAME OF THRONES!!
Zatar
Oh nooooooooo.
Lily Joyce
‘,:.I
Lily Joyce
:Oc
emily
D:
Shiro
Ruth :c Billie :c None of this is any good at all :ccccccc
Leorale
All that frustration has got to go somewhere. Sorry, Billie.
Shiro
Ehh. While Ruth is in a bad bad BAD situation, that doesn’t make taking it out on Billie okay…
Lou
Which she realized immediately. Literally. Next panel. Come on.
Shiro
Yes, she did. Except there’s an established pattern here that needs to STOP. Just realizing it isn’t enough.
Leorale
Realizing it + therapy + practice practice practice, to learn another pattern of behaviour.
Shiro
Yes, agreed. And when that starts, I’ll be much happier with the situation.
Leorale
It’s started, they’re both in therapy!
It’ll probably take a really long time for Billie to see any changes, though, let alone those of us stuck out here in realtime.
Clif
Where did we learn Billie was in therapy?
Leorale
She mentioned it in the hospital. It’s weekly, and I think it hasn’t started yet.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/04-it-all-returns/stock/
Clif
Thanks.
Lou
Of course. And you know what’s awesome? Having been in Ruth’s shoes, I know that a perfectly good way to stop is to kill yourself.
Liliet
ah yes, guillotine – the best cure for headaches
Vinny
Except Billie wasn’t making it any better
Shiro
Which means we talk it out like adults instead of screaming in each other’s faces.
Vinny
Which means maybe Billie should have listened to Ruth in the first place.
Shiro
But verbal abuse is not an appropriate response so let’s not excuse it.
Clif
It’s not really up to us to forgive or excuse, but the trouser-leg of the universe where Billie does what Ruth wants has Ruth shredded to pieces by her grandfather, so I’d say no, Billie did the right thing not listening to Ruth.
3-I
She snapped, dude. It happens. It’s not the same as a protracted campaign of emotional abuse.
timemonkey
Ruth already has established a protracted campaign of emotional abuse. It’s why their relationship was awful.
Mr.Morningstar
getting angry and shouting is not the same thing as verbal abuse. Sometimes you get a little pissed off and shout at someone who probably doesn’t deserve it. We’ve all done it at some point
Carlos Futino
Maybe we’ve all done it. It doesn’t stop it being abuse.
Even if you can understand where Ruth comes from, the behavior is abusive and needs to be addressed.
Shiro
…yeah but this shouting in particular is definitely verbal abuse.
Liliet
All Ruth needs to do is apologize. “Sorry I snapped, can I make it up to you?” Something abusers never do is own up to their shit, admit they are wrong and try to fix it. It’s as simple as that.
trlkly
I do not see any way in which Billie actually made it worse. Sure, Billie is now a target, but PuddingHead already mentioned her, so she was going to be a target anyways.
Other than that, Billie being around is a net positive. And, well, Ruth shouldn’t try to be that controlling, anyways.
shammers
Haha yes I like that name
Liliet
There are few things more embarrassing than someone else being witness to your abuse. You know in your gut that what’s happening isn’t supposed to, and even if you know perfectly well who’s at fault here, there’s a small part of it that still feels like it reflects on you, makes you weak, humiliates you.
Billie hoped humor would defuse the situation, but it didn’t work out )=
Kella
Okay here’s the thing. You are assuming that Ruth has the resources or the tools to do something other than what she did here. She doesn’t.
She’s still not all that far away from suicidal territory, she’s being forced into a job that was making her miserable, she’s being separated from Billie who was the only person that could reach her on any level, the group of people that are supposed to respect her and follow her rules know that she was just released from the hospital for a mental health crisis, she was just the victim of some really serious verbal abuse TWO SECONDS AGO, and it’s likely she’s scared that because of Billie’s interference, her grandfather is going to make life more miserable for Billie too.
There is a reason that Ruth coped with her stress by drinking so much it almost killed her and wanting to die. Repeated trauma, a life of chronic abuse, and high levels of stress tend to do that to a person. She isn’t talking it out with Billie cause she doesn’t know how.
Durandal_1707
Hey c’mon, she was trying.
Leorale
Billie totally helped: she actually got Sir to stop yelling at Ruth’s face and go away for the moment! (Even though Billie didn’t know what to do, or if it would work, or if she’d have to fight him, or what.) Billie was a friggin badass, and got Ruth the space to breathe, and Ruth knows it, even though her first reaction was to scream into that space. You know?
foamy
I am willing to put a (small) sum of money on Billies intervention making Clint’s ultimate reaction worse than it otherwise would’ve been.
Leorale
Unfortunately there’s no control group for this study, we can’t see how both realities would have played out.
A person can’t do the best thing, they can simply do a thing.
foamy
While true, Clint’s the kind of asshole, I think, that’s going to repay being thwarted — in any way, by anyone — with interest.
No Name
Our only hope is that Billie can use her own father’s abusive habits (neglect interspersed with payment for misdeeds and sweeping things under rugs) to turn him against Clint. If Billie threatens a big enough stink, Mr. Billingsworth might decide to sweep Clint under the rug, rather than Ruth.
BBCC
Apparently Daddy is very emotionally stunted and negligent, and apparently is trying to show her love via wealth.
I wonder if ‘Daddy, this guy is mean to me and my girlfriend, can you sue him off the map for harassment?’ would qualify for ‘love via wealth’.
I doubt Billie would ever do it, but I’m picturing it in my head anyways because it makes me happy.
StClair
A story I’m reading as it’s posted on another site posits a device which does just that – allowing the user to view all outcomes of a choice, and pick the “best” one. Save-scumming reality.
What’s the catch? Well, much like Two Face and his scarred coin, the user eventually becomes completely dependent on the device to make any decision, no matter how minor. In the story, this happened to the inventor of the device, and the “solution” that they hit upon was to make sure they were not born the sort of person who would use it … or, in fact, born at all.
Leorale
Not okay exactly; she’s lashing out, it’s a natural, expected response to trauma. It may take Ruth a lot of practice and discipline to learn to do something else instead.
Her behaviour still totally sucks and impacts Billie, though — I can’t tell whether Billie took it personally, but it’s clear that Ruth is aware that she effed up and oughtn’t yell in Billie’s face like that. Hopefully Ruth will try to clean it up later. It’s a pain.
Shiro
While I definitely feel for Ruth, that doesn’t make it okay. If it were a one-off thing, sure it’d be excusable, but with the pattern these two have going, it’s waaaay more concerning.
Leorale
I agree, it’s a really harmful pattern. I think Ruth knows it is, too. However, I don’t think that Ruth can simply stop on her own volition, because if she could, she already would’ve, from the other times she’s realized it’s really bad to lash out at Billie.
If I was her therapist, I might suggest picking another reaction, and practicing the hell out of it, until she could choose it even under stress.
Shiro
Makes sense. Let’s hope for progress in that direction soon.
trlkly
This is actually much better than most of what Ruth has said or done before, though. At least, when it comes to being angry and not handling it well. I mean, the stuff she said before was outright assault.
What I’m saying is, she’s at least moving in the right direction.
And, honestly, it’s not that much worse than some of what Billy said when she was in full on depressed mode while Ruth was gone.
Cerberus
Yeah, she done fucked up. I understand why she fucked up and how those situations run you ragged to your last nerve. But it’s a fuck up nonetheless.
MatsuoTanuki
Only thing you can do is take a few deep breaths, wait for things to calm down, and try to mend rifts as best you can.
Cerberus
Yup. I’ve been in the Billie position a lot with stuff like this and try really hard to be in the Ruth position as little as possible. Unfortunately, I usually managed that with externalizing the pain as self-injury instead which… wasn’t great.
MatsuoTanuki
I’m so sorry to hear that, but it amazes me all the more that you were strong enough to stop.
Cerberus
Eh, I have DID, so I still did the whole Ruth thing, just to myself. I’ve always been really good at being super abusive to myself.
MatsuoTanuki
*offers yet another Internet hug*
Cerberus
*accepts all hugs*
Fox
I can relate, I have DID and used to self harm as well. I’ve been the Billie and the Ruth, though I’ve worked hard to not be either, especially the Ruth, being autistic complicates things. My daughter is also autistic and we’ve had to work hard not to end up in a Billie and Ruth situation, we finally came to a good solution when I get angry I take space and deep breaths and when my daughter gets angry, I remind her of her choices and give her a stress ball. There was a time when my daughter was quite literally physically abusing me and I was left fighting my C-PTSD and not responding well as i tried to protect myself. This was hard because it started getting bad when she was 3 and reached its peak when she was 4. My preschooler was beating me black and blue everyday and my only recourse was to either fight back, which I didn’t want to do but sometimes when I was trapped I had to use force to get away, or to hide, I generally chose to hide. I was suicidal at this point and didn’t know what to do. Thankfully, I stumbled on a site that gave me techniques to try with her that lead to things making a complete 180. Now she hasn’t gotten physical with me in 6 months and is handling anger much better. Basically, my personal experience makes me confident that Ruth and Billie can learn a better pattern.