165

Storytime
Posted on September 16, 2018 by David M Willis

165 thoughts on “Storytime”

  1. toby

    SHES BECOME TOO POWERFUL

    1. LeslieBean4Shizzle

      Joyce has Fuckface-head! Alert! Joyce has Fuckface-head!
      We warned them, but they didn’t listen. They didn’t listen!

      1. Batman

        Do not let Becky see this…..

    2. Deanatay

      Wait, what just happened? Joyce was talking to Sal, and then suddenly Joyce was replaced with this SUPER AWESOME PERSON! I didn’t see the transition… is this comic over??

      1. Willinwoods

        Oh it’s not over, don’t be silly! It’s only dab dab dab dab dab dab! Dab dab?

  2. Doctor_Who

    Welp, Joyce has Fuckface on her head. Might as well join her religion, it’ll be mandatory worldwide within two years. Such combined charisma cannot be challenged.

    Hey, think if I submit my will early I can get a nice outdoors job, like replacing the faces on Mt. Rushmore with Jesus, Dexter, Dorothy, and the inventor of Sprite?

    1. Wright

      You could probably get a high-paying job crafting legislation about only serving pizza toppings in little side dishes.

    2. Agemegos

      Sprite – i.e. colourless lemon-lime flavoured carbonated sugar-water – was invented by my great-great-great uncle, William Evill, who was then co-proprietor of Schweppes.

  3. Stu

    I’m genuinely unsure what emotion is meant to be on display in panel 4. If it’s bewilderment, I guess it’d match my own.

    1. Deanatay

      Sal is feeling a surge of glee, but, being Sal, is struggling to keep her face completely expressionless. In panel 7, her resolve is crumbling.

  4. Mr D

    Why is Sal oing all teary eyed?

    1. Doctor_Who

      In That Other Universe, Fuckface is basically the Hypnotoad. Having him on your head makes you impossible to resist.

      1. Zathras10

        Ah yes, I remember this from 2nd Edition. It’s a Lizard Helm of Persuasion (+5 charisma, +2 on all saving throws)

        1. Zathras10

          Oops. This was meant to go below BBCC’s comment below.

        2. NotPiffany

          It fits under the Doctor’s comment just as well, honestly.

        3. Zathras10

          True, that.

    2. BBCC

      It’s the hypnotic affect Fuckface has.

      Stupid lizard gives too much charisma to whoever has it on their head. It’s the cuteness factor. And Joyce is already adorable enough.

  5. shadowcell

    AH FEEL THE POWA OF FUCKFACE MOVIN’ THROUGH ME

    CAN YA FEEL IT

    CAN YA FEEL IT, FOLKS

    PUH-RAISE FUCKFACE, Y’ALL

    1. Wizard

      Can I get an “Amen!”

      Amen! and Hallelujah!

  6. Cheshrin

    Sal’s expression in panel four tho. Even she was swayed by the power that is Fuckface, even if for just a moment.

    (Panel 5 Joyce totally knows how powerful she is with Fuckface on her head. Soon she will be unstoppable.)

  7. TemporalShrew

    I hope Joyce is just Fuckface’s favorite person from this point on.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Dina and Malaya would be Jealous of what they have.

      1. Deanatay

        Actually, despite the giga-daws I’m feeling for Joyce and Fuckface, I still feel it could be topped by Dina (and Dina’s hat) and Fuckface. Triple-lizard c-c-c-comboooo breaker!

  8. BBCC

    Pfft! Well, at least Sal’s realistic about it.

    And Joyce, sweetie, if you keep calling it her ‘witness testimony’, you’re never gonna get to hear it.

    1. ShinyNeen

      I only just learned that term a few days ago, from a coworker that was about to have one. Timing. Anyway, I don’t trust the idea, I don’t like it. Would have been happier if Joyce had just left it as storytime. *Pouts*

      1. ShinyNeen

        I mean, Sal probably has a lot of complicated/conflicted feelings about the robberies and not necessarily just guilt/regret. Especially if she really did them for Marcie, like the flashbacks seem to be setting up to reveal.

        But Joyce thinks Sal just needs to “testify”, which feels like it stems from this overly reductive/simplistic view of why Sal committed the robberies. And Sal’s probably already had to put up with a lot of people making assumptions about how she feels about her past. Props to her for dealing with Joyce as well as she has. Also for resisting Joyce+Fuckface’s combined power.

        1. BBCC

          I think her motivations for the second robbery (the one Amber witnessed) are going to shape up to be complicated as well. We know at least in part it was about lashing out at her parents being shitheads (the reason she didn’t wear a mask was she wanted to get caught, which isn’t terribly conducive to helping Marcie).

      2. Rycan

        I wonder if “witness testimony” means something different to the fundamentalist crowd – like some testimony before Jesus or something.

        1. the final pam

          I mean, Joyce kinda implied as much: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-9-comic/01-flyin-to-the-red/streetfightin/

        2. Lone Duck

          In this context, witnessing for Jesus Christ means telling your rough and tumble sin stories, and how Jesus got you back on the straight and narrow, bearing witness to the redemptive power he had in your life. It’s similar to AA testimonials, if that helps any, just for any old sin instead of exclusively alcohol abuse.

  9. auroki

    They have fused! Behold FuckJoyce! Wait…..

    1. Khyrin

      JoyceFace Brown, She Who Possesses the Triangle Smile: Hallowed be her name.

      1. auroki

        Great now I got Iron Maiden back in my head again

    2. Michael Steamweed

      I’ll happily behold that. Next Slipshine, yesyes??

  10. Kyrik Michalowski

    Sal’s eyes in panel 4 make me want to give her a hug. Also, while she has no obligation to give Joyce any sort of story or help her understand who she is, it might actually help her. For all of Joyce’s faults(and let’s face it, she has plenty) she does try and listen, and Sal having another friend who knows more about her wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It might also be a good learning experience for Joyce.

    As for Fuckface? I suspect Joyce is simply a source of warmth, but hey at least it is adorable.

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      Also, I know someone said it yesterday, but panel 4 Sal really does look a lot like Walky. He has made almost that exact same face before, though I don’t remember when.

      1. King Daniel

        Panel 6, too.

    2. BBCC

      Honestly, I think the best person to get that story out of her first would be Danny, precisely because I don’t think he’d ask for it. As cute as it is, Joyce demanding story time was almost never gonna get anything out of Sal. She might get it from her if she just talks to Sal about other things – and really let Sal talk – but this wasn’t ever gonna work. Danny’s been very good at letting Sal have little moments of vulnerability because he doesn’t push her towards it, but he’s still very encouraging when it happens.

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        It especially doesn’t work if she calls it her “witness testimony”. As we know, Sal found leather at Catholic school, not Jesus.

        Of course, for Joyce, that’s not real Christian school. But still.

        1. BBCC

          Yeeeeep. Sal hated that school. That uniform’s only usefulness is keeping her parents from hounding her about her clothes.

          And yeah, it’s probably for the best. If she were any more Catholic, Joyce’d break in hives. 😛

      2. Kyrik Michalowski

        That is an excellent point, Danny has also proven to be a lot better for Sal anyway. She seems to genuinely relax and enjoy herself when she spends time with him moreso than anyone else, other than Marcie at least. Granted I haven’t seen her interact with Marcie other than that last time with Malaya, and having Malaya around is stressful/annoying for generally everyone.

        1. BBCC

          Yeah, we never got to see much of them alone, and it’s been shown a few times that it’s even hard for Marcie sometimes. (Ex. When Marcie caught her about to knock Malaya’s teeth down her throat, Sal said she missed Marcie and ‘that’s a genuine feelin’ an emotion from me’). Sal pretty clearly considers Marcie the one person she could be vulnerable with before, because she trusted Marcie not to ditch her if it was something that didn’t gel with what she wanted Sal to be and she trusted her not to treat Sal poorly because of whatever feelings she had.

          Danny’s like that too – he doesn’t really seem to have any sort of image of Sal in his head (be it ‘cool rebel girl’ or ‘awful delinquent girl’) so he just…chills.

        2. Kyrik Michalowski

          I like the way Danny and Sal’s relationship is going, I don’t know if it is going to be more than just friends eventually and really it doesn’t need to be. While I think they might make a good couple, I think their friendship is more important for both of them, and that’s awesome. And I hope that Sal and Marcie can continue to be friends despite Malaya’s existence. I am on Sal’s side in that I really don’t like Malaya but I also see no end in sight of her unfortunately.

        3. BBCC

          I think they’d be good as either friends or a couple, but right now, I’m enjoying the friendship. And I’m relatively confident Sal and Marcie will make up eventually – maybe not soon (though I wish it would be) but eventually. I can’t relate about Malaya (I’ve been fond of her since Shortpacked!) but I can definitely get why she’d be…grating to deal with.

    3. the final pam

      Sal should definitely talk about her story to someone, but maybe not to the person who’s treating it like she’s about to hear Dr. Seuss. Like, it’d be a different thing if Sal initiated it, but Joyce going “Storytime! Storytime!” like a child feels.. patronizing to say the least.

      1. Regalli

        Dr. Seuss or the newly-converting sinner in church. Don’t forget the witnessing part.

        Double the patronizing! Double the Sal not wanting to deal with this!

  11. Stephen Bierce

    *one of the speakers is playing the leek scene from Henry V for some reason*

  12. Defensor

    As I was say, Sal, you don’t exactly make it easy for people to get to know you!

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      In her defense, trauma is not easy to just casually talk about, and when someone is pushy about it, it’s even harder to want to discuss it. I’m sure Sal would have a much easier time talking about this with someone like Danny. Speaking from personal experience, it is much easier to have a small number of people that you open up to about stuff like that. And you choose the people, you don’t generally tell them just because they ask.

  13. Darkoneko

    No matter what, i’ll NEVER want an ignana on my head. Ew.
    only cats are allowed up there.

    1. King Daniel

      You would deny yourself the ultimate cosmic power that would be granted you by the doily having Fuckface on your head?

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        I’m very happy that that meme is back.

      2. Darkoneko

        Yes.

    2. Roborat

      Well, judging by the size of him, he is probably pretty heavy.

  14. Ele

    80% chicken tender salads are the only ones I’ll eat.

  15. adjudicus

    I like to think that Carla’s just behind Sal, and she’s the one who put Fuckface on joyce

  16. Dana

    An artifact of incredible power!

  17. Tacos

    Joyce has grown too powerful.

  18. butts

    …

    fuckface best character

    (sorry dina)

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      Fuckface best nonhuman character*
      Dina is still the best. <3

  19. Bonnabella

    Aaaand now I suddenly ship Sal and Joyce.

    1. Dana

      Joyce and Mike forevah!

      1. Clif

        How come no-one ever says Joyce and Tony? (No, I’m not saying it either).

        1. BBCC

          Because they’re nostalgic for Sal and Tony!

          …Wait that’s just me? Oh.

  20. BBCC

    Also – geez, Malaya, feed your iguana, don’t leave that to Sal (and Carla).

    1. Regalli

      I have really not been impressed with Malaya’s displayed pet ownership skills.

      (Particularly as Fuckface is both contraband and an exotic pet, iguanas aren’t really a ‘beginner’ pet, and there is a very real chance of serious injury. Even if Fuckface doesn’t bite, someone like Joyce showing up with a bunch of scratches on her arms is going to raise concerns. Sal can cover them up and wears heavy jackets, Carla can pass them off as something skating related somehow, but they’d be noticed on Joyce.)

      1. the final pam

        I mean, Joyce wears turtleneck sweaters all the time. She’s literally wearing one in comic right now. It wouldn’t be that hard for her to hide scratches on her arms for a bit.

        1. Regalli

          It’ll hide, but probably not prevent them entirely, and Joyce lives with someone who’s not in on the Secret Iguana Shenanigans and would therefore likely freak out if she saw them. (Iguana scratchmarks on an arm could very possibly be misinterpreted.)

        2. BBCC

          And god forbid Dorothy or Becky find them. Between Sarah, Becky, Dorothy, Joss and Sal, Joyce has a lot of sister figures and only one of them is in on this.

        3. Regalli

          I mention Sarah in particular because Sarah has past experience with a roommate with depression and is kind of expecting Joyce to lose her exuberance because life, but you’re right. Becky seeing them could be equally disastrous, and Dorothy would also be Immediately Concerned.

          Joyce is the weakest link of iguana secrecy, I think it’s safe to say.

        4. BBCC

          Yeeeeep – any of those three would go on Red Flag Alert if they saw scratches.

        5. Regalli

          Good thing Fuckface has been hanging out on heads so far, huh? Because I really Do Not want to see how Becky would respond to something that looked like cutting scars, there’s no way it would be good and I suspect anything else we learn about Bonnie can only be extremely sad.

        6. BBCC

          Maybe we can learn the kinds of cookies Bonnie was most fond of making or something like that?

          But yeah, there’s no way Becky’d take it well. I was thinking more about how she and Joyce are bffs and she’d freak for that reason but now that I recall Bonnie…yeah, eek.

      2. Needfuldoer

        I don’t know, it wouldn’t surprise me if we found out Malaya’s already had him for a couple years. Fuckface is one of the few things that got a genuine smile out of her. She knows at least enough of the basics to have the right heat lamp for him and that iguanas are herbivores (when Carla brought the bag of crickets for him).

        (Whatever happened to Tag the cricket, by the way?)

        1. Regalli

          I’m pretty sure Malaya herself has decent enough skills with an iguana, but she isn’t taking steps to ensure her roommate knows how to handle Fuckface safely, and this scenario where a random person is in the room, has no idea about iguana care, Fuckface is out of his tank and Malaya is out? Recipe for disaster, and Joyce entering is not a rare occurrence. Sure, Malaya can’t prep every person who might enter while still keeping Fuckface secret or be there all the time, but Sal should know the basics and maybe keeping a printout of basic rules in the room would help as well. Just ensuring there’s SOMETHING there would boost my confidence immensely. Pet care isn’t just caring for the animal, it’s also trying to keep said animal and any other people they come in contact with interacting safely.

  21. Bagge

    I assume Carla is still going “Put it on” in the background.

    1. ShinyNeen

      That, or spellbound by the dangerous new teamup happening here.

    2. BenRG

      No, she’s currently videoing Fuck-face’s behaviour around Joyce and desperately holding in her desire to squeal: “Cyyyoooooot!!!!

  22. Lucretiel

    That seems like a perfect new Gravatar, if only we could make them double height

  23. Skater Girl

    Am I the only one who doesn’t find Joyce cute here at all? I find her pushy, insensitive, and invasive.

    1. BBCC

      I’m about half and half. The way she asks is adorable, but what she’s asking when Sal pretty clearly doesn’t want to talk about it (and after Joyce does her living barbie doll and ‘how can you feel self conscious’ thing, it’s not surprising Sal’s not super enthused right now).

    2. Regalli

      Yeah, no, she’s been pushing pretty hard on Sal this morning (and in general – DON’T INTRUDE ON PEOPLE YOU’RE ONLY VAGUELY FRIENDLY WITH WHILE THEY SLEEP WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE TO!) and the witness testimony bit only makes it worse.

      I can see where Joyce could be coming from this with genuine interest and a desire to be a better friend, but I really think the first step in improving this relationship is to not creep on Sal when she sleeps. And the second step is to not be like ‘oh can I dress you’ if that doesn’t seem like something Sal actually wants. You must be friendship level five to unlock the tragic backstory, Joyce, and right now I think this Social Link is reversing.

    3. Victor Riley

      Yeah, she does not understand boundaries, and that does not make her endearing to me.

    4. the final pam

      Nahh, this whole sequence is very pushy, insensitive, and invasive. And vaguely dehumanizing. She’s really not treating Sal like a person, from how she wanted to dress her up like a Barbie doll to how she’s now demanding Sal tell her past as a storytime.

      1. BBCC

        She did it with Sarah too, but at least that time she had the vague reason that said past was immediately relevant to understanding why Sarah just hauled off and decked Raidah in the middle of Target.

        1. the final pam

          Yeah, though it’s still vaguely concerning how Joyce treated it as “fun storytime” and not as something very personal and vulnerable to either of them. It’s not a good feeling if Joyce, who wants to be a close friend to either of them, treats their vulnerabilities as a source of entertainment.

        2. BBCC

          Yeah, once it was a quirk, twice it’s …not a great look.

    5. Kamino Neko

      Her inability to respect boundaries is one of Joyce’s less endearing traits.

    6. Norah

      I agree. She may look cute with Fuckface on her head, but she’s being very disrespectful and rude here. If Sal doesn’t want to share her backstory, she doesn’t have to. Joyce needs to learn to respect other people’s boundaries.

    7. JBento

      I’ve very rarely found Joyce cute. She has no concept of boundaries and really, REALLY needs for someone to make her respect them, instead of what the entirety of the cast seems to do, which is let her steamroll all over them.

      Here’s to hoping Malaya will come through.

    8. Ivy

      Yeah this particular interaction makes me want to crawl right out of my skin.

  24. JessWitt

    Panels 5 and 6 are best panels.

    I’ve had teeny tiny lizards reside on my head in the past. Guess I should go bigger.

    1. BBCC

      One of the girls in my health law class brought her bearded lizard to class the other day. She was holding it in a baby blanket and kept petting him. For a second, I thought she was either stimming or holding a baby before I saw the lizard’s head.

      1. JessWitt

        Aw, bearded lizard in a snuggie. Adorable.

        1. BBCC

          Not even a snuggie, just a fuzzy, pastel green baby blanket.

  25. Tommy Fresh

    Yuck, is anyone else getting Ashley Madison ads?

  26. Xccj

    On one hand, I like how Joyce is looking for Sal’s explanation rather than just going with what others have said or her own preconceived idea. On the other hand… Sal clearly doesn’t want to discuss it; if she wants to talk, she’ll do it when she’s ready.

  27. BBCC

    One of the things I like about this sequence is it’s all stuff Joyce has done before, but the repetition and the fact it’s moreso from Sal’s perspective makes it a lot more groan worthy.

    Things like

    – Waking Sal up without being asked and jutting in her face? Check. Does it to Sarah too and used to do it to Billie. I’m just waiting for her to dare trying it with Malaya because, OH, that will be a rude awakening for Joyce.

    – Dressing her and/or styling her? Check. Tends to be fairly creepy about it sometimes too (‘No while you’re awake?’ is almost NEVER a good line, Joyce!)

    – Demanding info about painful times as story time? Check. Did it with Sarah (albeit under slightly more justifiable circumstances).

    – Idealizing Sal in a fairly dehumanizing way? Check. Does it all the time.

    1. the final pam

      The idea of Joyce trying that with Malaya and rightfully getting called out on the lack of respect for other people’s privacy and boundaries, especially while they’re asleep, would be great. I mean, it doesn’t have to be Malaya but if there’s anyone that wouldn’t care about coddling Joyce, it’d be her lmao

      1. BBCC

        I think it’ll be less calling her out and more knocking Joyce on her ass while yelling ‘What the fuck – oh, white Lucy, right. Wait, what the fuck were you doing in my bed, you weirdo?!?”

        1. Regalli

          If and when that day comes, I will have popcorn and a pennant with Malaya’s name on it.

        2. BBCC

          …You mean you don’t always?

          Huh.

          Excuse me, I need to go rethink my normality status.

        3. Regalli

          I have a pennant collection. One for every occasion. (This current one says ‘Sundaes!’)

        4. BBCC

          I just generally always have a Malaya pennant around. She’s great! 😀

        5. Kyrik Michalowski

          If and/or when that day comes I may have to rethink my feelings on Malaya. She might hit some personal annoyances I have but that would go a long way to reversing that.

    2. Derek

      Why is everyone just assuming Joyce is asking for painful stuff? Sal said “you don’t know anything about me,” and Joyce said “storytime” but never specified any particular story. I think it’s pretty clear that she’s just asking for something to help her know Sal better, but left the choice of what to actually talk about, should she choose to talk at all, up to Sal.

      And Sal has an entire history to draw from. Sure, we as the audience only know bits and pieces, and some of them are kind of traumatic, but Sal’s more than that! I’m sure there’s tons of stuff that’d sate Joyce’s “getting to know you” thirst without delving into the painful stuff we already know about. Sure, it probably wouldn’t be as fun for us as an audience, but the stuff is there.

      On a side note, does Joyce even know about the robberies? She wasn’t asking about them here or anything, but I forgot if she ever learned about them. Like . . . I want to say yes, but I wouldn’t even know where in the history to look to confirm it.

      1. Sam

        She knows the robberies happened and even mentioned it 7 strips ago. She doesn’t know the full details of them.

      2. JBento

        Counterpoint: Joyce is not entitled to any knowledge about Sal, painful or otherwise. People are entitled to keep their private lives private from annoying busybodies with no respect for boundaries.

      3. the final pam

        The whole ‘Joyce asking for storytime’ thing started from Joyce assuming that Sal is above feeling self-conscious, a normal thing that normal people feel at times, just last strip. Joyce is making assumptions about Sal’s feelings and thoughts, and Sal correctly points out that Joyce doesn’t know anything about that.

        Like, Joyce is assuming that Sal’s got a cute fun story as to why she feels self-conscious, but I’m sure that if Sal told her about being a biracial black woman treated differently by both her parents and society at large, it’s going to be a revelation for sure. Though I guess Joyce has to confront her race biases at some point, and that would be a way to do it.

  28. DailyBrad

    Fuckface either actually likes Joyce, she’s just a convenient way down, or both. Either way, lizardhat.

    1. BBCC

      “This endotherm’s head provides just the correct amount of body heat. She may live.”

  29. Keulen

    Come on Sal, you can’t deny a request for storytime from someone with a lizard on her head!

  30. Crusading Barista

    Joyce panel 5 is so pure with that smile.

    1. Stoodmuffin

      mhm!

  31. Goki

    The Ultimate Zen Conundrum, you can’t judge because you don’t know, but when asked, knowledge is refused….

    1. Daibhid C

      It’s almost like Sal doesn’t want to be judged or something!

      1. Goki

        Ahh.. sadly, that is an impossibility in life, as no matter what, we are always judged anyway.

        Sal seems to be riddled with contradictions.

  32. Stoodmuffin

    I love this story line already

  33. HeySo

    @Alt-Text

    Gods. It’s to the point where some places [eg, every grocery store ever, apparently] exclusively serve meat-based salads and sandwiches now. Whatever happened to things like egg or potato sandwiches and vegetable salads? x_x

    Even restaurants are getting into that, with a lot of places serving maybe a single veggie salad (usually with cheese, though) and otherwise insisting you get a “side salad” if you don’t want a buncha random animal products tossed in.

    It seems like it’s pretty much exclusively an American thing, too- last I was in Europe I recall always being able to nab myself a bruschetta fairly easily, if nothing else.

    People, veggies are delicious. Stop obsessing over meat already. 😛

    1. Beef

      I’ve been to at least 2 restaurants where there were none of the salads on the menu were pork free by default

    2. Sigh

      Grocery stores serve these things called… groceries. Some of which are vegetables that you can make salads out of. Check out the salad aisle. They even sell them pre-mixed. Dressing, too, if you like that.

      1. Daibhid C

        Yeah, when I’m looking for salad tubs that don’t contain chicken in the shop next to my work, what I should be doing is buying a lettuce, a cucumber and a couple of tomatoes, taking them back to the tiny tearoom and making my own salad in the half hour I get for lunch.

      2. HeySo

        I of course meant delis and restaurants within grocery stores, as well as the store’s own ready-to-eat aisles. Naturally, most grocery stores carry basic salad ingredients, but I’ve yet to find one that randomly stacks ingredients in either the ready-to-eat sections or uses the ingredients to garnish their restaurant counters. I’m clearly not shopping at the right stores.

        As far as the premade mixes, that’s part of what I’m referring to. I know in my local stores none of them sell any kind of premade mix that doesn’t contain meat/egg/cheese/etc, short of very basic mixes like kale/iceberg/romaine leaf blends and carrot/broccoli/cabbage veggie blends.

        You still gotta mix multiple bags together, and then get a buncha fresh veggies to add in, and then find a proper dressing. Even in other places I’ve lived in recent years, the best I’ve found have been at “side salad” levels of ingredient complexity, not at “proper premade” levels, and certainly not at “restaurant house salad”/”homemade main course” levels. (Perhaps you’ve just never had a full salad before? :/)

        Really, though, the (I thought rather straightforward) point was that premade stuff (in grocery stores/fast food locations, yes, but also seemingly ever-more-commonly in dine-in restaurants as well) hardly ever seems to cater to vegetable-favoring individuals, nevermind to to vegetarians and vegans, despite the increase an overall vegan awareness and labeling.
        This was made in contrast to my past recollections of a higher degree of catering to such tastes. I feel like I used to be able to go to most any diner or pizza joint or whatever and get a salad, but now it seems as though I have to explicitly go to slightly better quality italian places or to ‘health-oriented’ diners to be able to get a proper salad [ie, plenty of vegetable variety and no meats or cheeses or eggs, and ideally, a house dressing].

        If you go the “Well, build it yourself” route, then you can’t analyze premade food sources on their own at all, because *obviously* homemade stuff is going to be able to better cater to your tastes. I mean, assuming you have access to necessary ingredients and have the level of skill proficiency required for the preparation. By which I mean, you’re not the type to set the kitchen on fire. ..you do kinda give a ‘would set kitchen on fire’ vibe, but I’m not entirely sure that’d actually be on accident. >.>

    3. Mel

      As a vegetarian, it’s extremely aggravating how common this is, especially in restaurants with already meat heavy menus. Went to one where it was literally impossible to get any salad without meat as a standard addin, which meant paying the same price for them to take the most expensive component out.

      1. nightshade

        just ask for the “side salad” but there usually small so you end up paying for 2 of them ……….

      2. HeySo

        Right, that. Or you have to ask for (several) side salads, and they’re usually not prepared to the complexity or quality of “main course” salads.

        I just wanna be able to get a proper salad without having to specifically go to an Italian restaurant (A basic salad’ll break $10 at most Italian restaurants, though you can get one at Olive Garden for $6.50 or as part of a meal) or at a health-oriented diner (which isn’t a criticism of the thematic, but of the fact that such places reliably inflate prices), or having to make it myself.

  34. NinjaNick

    How adorable.

  35. cbwroses

    .There’s a quick and dirty way Sal could nip this “story time!” behavior in the bud (but she won’t do it).
    “Joyce, if someone wanted you to talk ’bout Gash Face, an’ they referred ta it as ”story time“, how would ya feel?”

  36. BenRG

    I think that Fuck-face has decided that the endotherm with the triangular mouth is by far the most comfortable relaxing spot in the room. Sal’s reaction in panel 4 is wonderful in its silent realisation that Joyce may indeed be some kind of weird Disney Princess!

  37. newllend(henryvolt)

    Scary part about this is I’m pretty sure this amplifies the power Joyce already had that I mentioned 3 Joyce & Sal related strips ago.

  38. BenRG

    Something that just occurred to me: In panel 2, Joyce tells Sal that she need to give ‘witness testimony’ so that ‘we can fully understand you’. ‘We’? I suppose that she might be talking about Carla but a weird part of me wondered if she’s noticed all those people sitting behind the fourth wall following her and Sal’s interactions so closely!

  39. bluewind

    Am I the only person who hears/sees “Storytime!” and immediately thinks of Thomas Sanders? XD

  40. Abel Undercity

    I’m sorry, Joyce, but who wants storytime?

    (Say it! Say it! Saaaaaaay it!)

  41. Randomness

    WE WANT A STORY WE WANT A STORY

  42. Ryek Hvek

    Fusion completed, JoyceFace lurches away to seek and destroy salad bars in the Greater Bloomington area.

    1. Lieutenant Dan

      Fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak iguanas stronger. 🙂

      1. ValdVin

        One press of the invisible upvote button for that.

  43. Fire_daws

    Once upon a time it wasn’t story time and ah was much happier.

    1. ValdVin

      Heh, good one.

      Until this strip I had no idea “witness testimony” and “sssstorrrrrytiiiiiimmme!” were the same thing to Joyce. (Hell, I didn’t know what “witness testimony” meant in the religious sense.)

  44. JBento

    Joyce doesn’t respect anyone’s boundaries, part eleventy billion. This is why you should have kept the choking up a bit longer way back then, Sal.

  45. Vulcanodon

    I can relate to Sal here. A co-worker asked me quite insistently to tell how I went from being a Christian minister in my 20’s to an atheist in my 60’s. I just shrugged and said “Long story, very boring.” Which has the virtue of being true. Sal’s story (what we know of it on this side of the 4th wall) is more interesting but it’s hers to tell. Or not tell, and she doesn’t have to give a reason.

  46. Guest42

    Look at Sal’s eyes in panel 4.

    Sal X Joyce nsfw comic confirmed.

  47. Homer Sexual

    The lettuce escaped like a month ago.

  48. Ryek Hvek

    By the way, a nod to the artist for giving Fuckface a smile, just by way of moving his head to how we see it last.

  49. abysswatcher1993

    What is wrong with chicken tenders in salad, Willis? Pure salads made with cabbage are tasteless and don’t have enough proteins. I understand veganism, but I don’t understand the appeal for salads. The only salad with no meat I like is the potato salad, and that is because it include boiled eggs.

    On topic, not everyone wants to tell their personal stories, Joyce, and less if Carla is there.

    1. Inahc

      he said 90% chicken tenders. That’s just weird, if it’s 90% meat it’s not really salad any more.

      Besides, cabbage is for coleslaw, not salads :p if I’m making a salad it’s gonna have a mix of lettuces, some crunchy veggies like orange peppers, some dried berries or apricots, maybe some nuts or seeds, maybe some fresh fruit, maybe a soft cheese and/or avocado, cherry tomatoes if I can get them, and lots of dressing. If I want protein in it I’ll add some veggie sausage or an egg; I generally only add meat if I don’t have anything better in the fridge. (Although if I’m in a restaurant, then I love steak or chicken on a salad. I just don’t like cooking them myself.) Oh, and corn and beans are good in salad too 🙂 there are so many delicious things to choose from!

      1. Inahc

        Er, 80%. My point stands.

        (And I don’t consider “tuna salad” to be a real salad; it’s a sandwich filling that abducted the word “salad” in the night and is holding it hostage :p )

    2. David M Willis

      … an iguana doesn’t eat chicken

      what the hell

  50. Somebro

    “Your witness testimony” sounds like what someone puncheable would say.

    What an asshole thing to say.

    1. Usayasha

      To be fair, “witness testimony” at least implies that you aren’t the defendant, but rather a bystander or victim. So Joyce isn’t implying Sal did anything wrong, just that wrong stuff happened around her.

      1. BBCC

        That’s not the kind of witness testimony Joyce is talking about. She’s talking about the religious kind of witness testimony, where someone talks about all the sins they’ve committed and share their ‘come to Jesus’ story.

        Basically the exact opposite – she’s asking Sal about things Sal’s done wrong.

  51. Elsendor

    wow not even the pure irresistible charisma of fuckface can sway sal, i’m impressed

  52. Mr. Random

    Yuh don’t understan me, and Ah don wahnt yuh to understan me.
    And ah’m mad you keep trying to pry when I dohn wahnt yuh to.

  53. Griffin

    Now *I* want a Fuckface hat!

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