186

Control
Posted on March 25, 2013 by David M Willis

186 thoughts on “Control”

  1. Izzy

    Ethan to mission control

    1. ASmellyOgre

      Ignition countdown. Engines on.

      1. Skull025

        Calculating escape velocity of homosexuality, stand by. . .
        Velocity calculated, we are go for launch. I repeat, we are go for launch!

        1. xKiv

          The-Amber cats are go … for lunch.

      2. Anonymous

        And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear.

    2. phroggonalog

      I’m stepping through the [galasso’s] door

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        “Now it’s time to leave the closet if you dare.”

        “This is Ethan to Ground Control, I don’t want too step through the door.”

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          to not too D’OH!

        2. Lukkai

          Trying to remember where I know the chara in your gravatar from, but it just doesn’t ring a bell. XD

    3. TPman

      Your mistake is really grave
      And the papers want to know what flag you bear
      Now it’s time to leave the closet if you dare

    4. Raen

      …you’re sleepy now.
      Your silhouette is so stationary.
      You’re released, but your custody calls.
      And I want to be free. Don’t you want to be free?
      Do you like girls or boys? It’s confusing these days.
      But moon dust will cover you.

      …it seemed to fit better.

    5. Ebonsaber

      This is mission control… Ethan, we have a problem…

  2. Leager

    I think this is probably the fastest I’ve ever caught the comic updating. Unfortunately, I don’t have anything funny to say. 🙁

    1. Broken Products

      There really isn’t anything funny to say. I feel for Ethan in that regard.

      1. MrSmiley

        I think he’d be more in control if he just let himself be.

  3. Plasma Mongoose

    Take your protein pills and put your helmet on…

    1. James

      check ignition and may Galasso’s Love be with you

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I hope that won’t launch a new ship…

        1. ADHadh

          Launch in 5… 4… 3…

        2. Resne

          1… OFF-BLAST!

    2. TPman

      Your mistake is really grave
      And the papers want to know what flag you bear
      Now it’s time to leave the closet if you dare

      Alright, posted in the right place now. Let’s keep this thing going.

  4. ASmellyOgre

    *waits expectantly for 24 hours*

    1. Orion Fury

      The suspense is figuratively killing me.

      1. Zababcd

        The wait is literally killing me, as the passage of time does to us all. Except the ones in cryogenic storage.

        1. ASmellyOgre

          Although you have to die before your body can be cryogenically frozen, so time already got them.

        2. thomas0comer

          No you don’t. You just need a good enough freezer and either some really well-trained hired hands or some good machinery.

        3. xKiv

          I attack time with my sword.
          I roll 15 to hit! Time rolls 0 to defense! Rolled 16 damage! Time deducts damage!
          Time has infinity HP left.

  5. Uniqueantique

    In control? By lying to everyone? Not just sure how that works Ethan.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I’m guessing here but he wants to control the information about his gayness as it hasn’t made exactly life easy for him so far, so if no one else finds out, he can fool himself into believe he can lead a hetronormative life.

    2. Brian Lynch

      You can control a lie. You can’t control a real world. But a lie is what you want it to be.

    3. Yotomoe

      Works for politicians! *rimshot*

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        and spin-doctors.

  6. phroggonalog

    oh god too much parody mission aborted

  7. Jon P

    Control? You are not in control of this “relationship”, Ethan. Joyce has already picked a date, and an outfit, and that’s just for your baptism.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Joyce is pretty much ‘wearing’ the pants in this ‘relationship’.

    2. Regalli

      She also has the birth dates of your first six children set. She’s sewing their clothes under the table as we speak.

      1. Yotomoe

        She has already written your will Ethan.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          *is now imagining Joyce as a merry widow*

        2. CanvasWolfDoll

          just make sure you have enough houses for each child before your tragic, but still appropriately timed death of bone cancer at the tender age of 87.

        3. Regalli

          She has already decided on your burial outfit. It will be a pleasant blue-gray suit, perfectly complimenting her modest-yet-attractive yellow sundress. You will be buried together on a family plot after she passes away at exactly age 90, surrounded by your loving brood of grandchildren and no less than three dogs. Your caskets will be made of rosewood, and your shared gravestone will have a teddy bear on it.

        4. begbert2

          The best part of this is you didn’t specify that Ethan will be dead at time of burial, only Joyce. But really, wouldn’t he want to be together with her?

        5. Regalli

          I was assuming this was after his tragic, but appropriately timed death at the tender age of 87 mentioned above, but I think I like that bit of horrifying better.

  8. Demon-Something

    Oh God, even after all the deception, I still really pity Ethan. Feeling as if you’ve screwed up by existing after coming out is decidedly depressing, from experience.

  9. Wonder Wig

    Oh Ethan… ETHAN!! Yoda’s advice isn’t supposed to be used for all situations!

  10. Brian Lynch

    FEELINGS. CONFLICTED ONES. ARE HAPPENING. I’M SORRY TO SHOUT.

  11. Cholma

    So listen closely… (not for very much longer!)
    I’ve… got to… keep control.

    1. BlueRam

      I remember, doing the time warp~
      Drinking those moments when~

      1. vlademir1

        The blackness would hit me
        and the void would be calling

        1. Wack'd

          LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!

        2. timemonkey

          I once seriously hurt my back dancing to this song. It was the pelvic thrust.

        3. BananaDemocracy

          I apologize in advance of my depravity, but your avatar made that mental image equally amusing and compelling.

        4. Regalli

          It really does drive you insane.

  12. CanvasWolfDoll

    hm… a few tweaks to his expression, and ethan’d be a super villain…

    1. Yotomoe

      Add a moustache, perhaps a monacle.

      1. Zababcd

        Well, not my best work, but since you asked…

        Here’s the edit.

        1. begbert2

          Needs thicker lines, but otherwise, I’m seeing Amazigirl’s new nemesis!

        2. Undrave

          The Closeteer?

        3. Kernanator

          I like it.

        4. xKiv

          Looks a little like he’s got a giant red goatee.

    2. vlademir1

      So… he’s about to hook up with Connie and dump Joyce?

  13. Robbie C

    I empathize with him. Hope Amber comes around.

    1. John

      Ehn. I feel for the guy, and Amber isn’t approaching this well, but Ethan’s still not doing right here. Being out isn’t a binary thing, and Ethan’s got the right to control who knows his preferences and who doesn’t, and Amber doesn’t have the right to give him shit about that.

      But this mockery of a relationship that Ethan’s letting Joyce rope him into isn’t going to do anything but hurt everyone involved – which includes Ethan, Joyce, Amber, probably Danny, and maybe Dorothy and others in Joyce’s social circle as collateral damage. All because Ethan’s not only not willing to be honest – not even with a vague but truthful, “I like you, Joyce, but not like that,” – but not even willing to come up with a good lie to put Joyce off. And that’s not okay.

      And, remember, the last thing Ethan did as a presumed-straight man was not Amber. Having him suddenly decide that he’s not going to be gay after all and take up with Joyce – especially since she hasn’t seen what their “relationship” is really like – has to feel to her at least a little like he’s saying, “Well, I thought I wasn’t into girls, but turns out I’m just not into you.”

  14. Icalasari

    No, bad Ethan. Bad

    *Gets out squirt bottle and sprays Ethan on the nose* No. Bad. Very bad

  15. Count Dracula

    Amber chose not to out him inside, which is nice. But shouting about how completely gay he is in the middle of the street? It’s the middle of the day on campus, there’s gonna be people around. Worse, what if Amazi-Girl is on patrol and hears?

    1. CanvasWolfDoll

      does… does amazi-girl also combat the gay or something? seriously, why would sal care?

      1. vsophi

        Wait, isn’t Amazi-Girl Joyce?

        1. Raibean

          I think it’s actually Mike.

        2. Jim

          No, no, no. Galasso. Only Galasso is powerful enough. Mighty enough! BOW BEFORE GALASSO

        3. Josh

          I’ve been saying this for weeks! I mean, have we seen them both on panel at the same time?! Coincidence? I think NOT!

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          To be exact, Drunk Mike.

        5. Raoullefere

          Listen, it’s been long established Amazi-girl is Joe. How he makes himself that much shorter is part of the Amazi-girl-ment.

      2. Yotomoe

        The Gay is actually the name of one of Amazi-Girl’s villains.

        1. timemonkey

          He kills things, with fabulous rainbows.

        2. Yotomoe

          He’s got killer fashion sense.

        3. Jim

          This.

    2. TPman

      I hope Amazi-Girl doesn’t think too harshley of people outting gays in the middle of the street. If she had to bring Amber to justice it would be all sorts of awkward.

    3. lightsabermario

      Don’t be silly. Amazigirl can’t be on patrol there. Amazi-Girl is Ethan!

      1. Regalli

        No, no. Amazi-Girl is Joe.

        1. Josh

          No, no, Joe is Ethan.

        2. BlueRam

          No, no, no. Joe is Mike and Mike is your Dad.

        3. SUGauthor

          No, no, Ethan is Sal, who’s also Ruth, Mike, and your mom for a nickel.

        4. HMRC4EVR

          I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I think Amazi-Girl is Amber!

          I mean, they have similar builds and hair (from what you can see) and Amber does wear glasses but have we seen a situation yet where it’s made clear she NEEDS them to see?

          Just saying ‘what if’ here…

        5. Random832

          Even if she does… think about it: she does wear a mask, after all. We have no evidence it isn’t a *prescription* mask.

        6. CanvasWolfDoll

          that’s it, this running gag is getting too riduclous. there absolutely no way amazi-girl could be amber. that’d be dumb.

  16. timemonkey

    Oh Rthan, this is the opposite of control.

    1. timemonkey

      Gah, I spotted the typo while it was posting but was helpless to stop it.

      1. Whittier

        You weren’t in control, eh?

        1. Lukkai

          Foolish mortal! Only Galasso is in control!

  17. RandomReader

    If anyone can turn a gay man straight, its a cute little blonde girl.

    1. timemonkey

      But Dorothy’s busy with Walky!

      1. Yotomoe

        Guess we’ll have to settle for annoying little blonde girl.

    2. Anickel4u

      If you believe that for real.. obviously your “gay” word meaning it’s wrong…

      1. begbert2

        No, it’s just archaic. Not sure why he chose “straight” as meaning “miserable”, though.

  18. addude

    Control is an illusion.

    1. vlademir1

      You called down the Thunder, now reap the whirlwind… ;D

      1. addude

        Ok, but I was quoting Kung Fu Panda

  19. ridtom

    There is a difference between control and denial. You can’t control what makes you who you are and denying will not just hurt you, but more importantly, hurt people who care about you.

  20. Yotomoe

    Yes…In control. IN CONTROL OF ALL THE JOYCES. HE NEEDS THEM FOR HIS COLLECTION!!!!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Ethan is Head Alien 2! He travels from universe to universe, collecting Joyces! The toy collecting is just a cover, he’s really a Joyce collector.

  21. Kernanator

    Ethan. There is a difference between being in control and being an asshole. Guess which one you are.

    1. Yotomoe

      He’s in control…of his asshole.

      1. Campor

        Unfortunately for him, I don’t think he realizes what being as sheltered as Joyce has been does to someone. Assholecontrol may not last.

        1. Campor

          I have no idea who that Gravitar is of.

        2. Jason

          Mary. You’re Mary.

      2. Kernanator

        I walked into that one.

        1. timemonkey

          How does one walk into an asshole?

        2. Kernanator

          Wait for someone to bend over.

        3. lightsabermario

          One does not simply walk into an asshole.

        4. Yotomoe

          Try walking down the street in New York. You’ll do it eventually.

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          I, for one would rather avoid any creature whose asshole is so big that you can walk into it.

        6. Anickel4u

          Nobody can resist the butts disease… nobody!!!

      3. Whittier

        Laugh of the Day™

  22. cdot

    douche status: achieved

    1. timemonkey

      Mike’s been rubbing off on him. While he’s sleeping.

      1. DesiDesiDesi

        He’s been rubbing off on your mom while she’s sleeping. For a nickel.

  23. Rex Hondo

    That totally awkward kiss and humiliated “girlfriend” earlier? Yeah, all part of the plan. Completely in control.

  24. beeftony

    Then you probably shouldn’t be lying to Joyce, Ethan. Being in control of who knows he’s gay is one thing, but he is literally using another person to keep up the pretense without thinking of how it will affect her once she finds out. Joyce detests liars and has said as much, so I don’t think this is going to end well for him.

    1. John

      To be fair, she doesn’t detest liars any more than she detests homosexuality.

      1. gangler

        And hey, she used to detest athiests until her nice friend turned out to be one. She’ll come around.

        1. timemonkey

          She didn’t detest atheists, she was afraid of them.

        2. gangler

          It’s all pretty firmly linked. Joey would probably say she detests fornicators but there’s definitely some fear involved in that too. It’s not like she was afraid of atheists because she thought they were just too awesome to handle.

      2. timemonkey

        But now he’s BOTH so that’s going to be bad.

  25. Wack'd

    Hey, a front view! It feels like we don’t get many of these for some reason.

  26. Sporky

    Control? Ethan, dude, you’re OUT of control.

    1. Yotomoe

      Whooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

    2. gangler

      You’re a loose cannon Ethan! One more stunt like this and I’ll have your badge!

  27. gnome

    Which is great for you Ethan, but how is Joyce going to feel when she finds out you were just using her for your own ends? Is a massive tool who uses women really who you want to be?

    1. gnome

      Wow, I just got either the best, or the worst gravatar for that comment.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      To be fair to Ethan, Joyce has been the one who thinks that they have been in a relationship, until that kiss, he had more or less just being along for the ride.

      1. gnome

        I agree with you until a point. Ethan had several opportunities to tell her the truth, and an astronaut could see that Joyce was becoming attached. The decent thing to do would have been to speak up instead of letting it get this far.

      2. Delirio

        It seems he believes he should be able to control how/when he “lets her down gently” but in fact has no idea for now, so he will play along until he figures it out. Not wise, because the deeper you go in “playing along” the far more complicated an exit strategy you’ll need.

      3. Andiemus

        Oh he knew what she thought the situation was, he didn’t bother to correct her.

    3. Love is Mathematical

      ay macarena… she’s going to “pray the gay away.”

    4. Anonymous

      To Joyce (according to /2012/comic/book-2/06-strange-beerfellows/sin/ ), homosexuality is a sin which is thus necessarily a choice. Despite scientific evidence, she does not acknowledge inherentness of homosexuality, thus to her it does not exist to be hidden from her.

      …so to be justifiably angry, she’d need to start taking reality as a cue to disbelieve the Bible, rather than taking the Bible as a cue to disbelieve reality. That would, granted, by pretty impressive in and of itself.

      1. Love is Mathematical

        She’s going to fall more in love with him for his bravery in fighting his gayness. Together they’ll make it to Heaven’s gates in holy matrimony.

      2. Greenygal

        In this strip, Joyce acknowledges that there are people who are gay (though her automatic stereotyping is such that she’s definitely never going to identify Ethan as such unless somebody explains it to her in very small words). It’s entirely possible that her perception of homosexuality is “well, some people do naturally feel that way, but it’s wrong for them to act on it.”

        Either way, though, this does raise an interesting question. By Joyce’s standards, a gay guy trying to repress his sinful urges and finding a nice girl to go out with…isn’t that a good, godly thing for him to be doing? Something that speaks well of him? I don’t think Joyce is going to have this reaction, because we just saw how hurt and confused she is that her boyfriend isn’t responding to her, but it might be the way she thinks she should feel.

  28. bunivasal

    “Now, Joyce is my puppet! Dance, Joyce! Dance!

  29. Pistonrager

    Now I know why Ethan has a wide face… So it can be punched. I hope he’s crushed instantly and thoroughly by a Karma wheel.

  30. bjorkmus

    Confusion in his eyes that says it all.
    He’s lost control.
    And he’s clinging to the nearest passer by,
    He’s lost control.

  31. cookie1995

    Damn the popcorn I got on Wednesday when Amber showed up, well i’ll better go get more as it looks like this is going to be interesting

  32. Aizat

    Bleh!

  33. Jim

    I want to hug Ethan with that heartfelt moment there… or maybe it’s the Vast I’m playing on my earphones?

  34. Zoey

    dat was pretty deep.

  35. Notebooked

    He wants to have disciplined control over his romantic/sexual desires? Joyce must be rubbing off on him. (Well, no, that’s the exact opposite of what she would be, but you know what I mean.)

    (Did Ethan’s chin disappear?)

    1. begbert2

      Chins are an illusion of the mind.

      1. SUGauthor

        Just like pants

      2. Kernanator

        My mom doesn’t have a chin. I’m not even joking.

  36. thelastnerd

    My opinion of Ethan is rapidly declining.

    1. SUGauthor

      I dunno… I feel like wanting to be in control is more excusable than the fear of dying alone. When he came out back in high school, everything was taken from his control, and it kinda sounded like everything in his life got worse. I’m not defending Ethan’s actions, because he’s being unfair to Joyce, but I think the whole situation is a little more understandable now.

  37. MaJu V.

    The moment both agree on the “control”, they’ll enter and notice Mike telling everyone Ethan’s gay.

  38. Gargamel

    The first rule of Closet Club is: do not talk about Closet Club!
    The second rule of Closet Club is: DO NOT talk about Closet Club!

  39. Dr. Z

    I haz the sad for Ethan. 🙁

  40. Gordon Blvd

    Bi: The ULTIMATE in “CONTROL”! 🙂

  41. Raoullefere

    So, Ethan is now up for the Ironic Statement of the Year award.

  42. AddleBoy

    I don’t care if it hurts. I wanna have control.

  43. Totz the Plaid

    I lost all sympathy and respect for this version of Ethan with that final line.

    When I thought he was trying to make himself be straight because his natural sexuality was making him miserable, that was one thing, but actively letting the situation get this far… fuck you, Ethan.

    Even _MIKE_ (via the twitter feeds), was a more decent person about this.

    1. Random832

      For those of us who don’t keep track of the twitter feeds, what did Mike say?

      1. Greenygal

        Joyce_Brown: Burn all of Walky’s hoodies while he’s here at lunch.
        MikeAndYourMom: Done and done.
        MikeAndYourMom: Also your boyfriend is gay.
        Joyce_Brown: Walky’s not my boyfriend, don’t be mean!

  44. RTMQ

    If this is going where I think it’s going, I can understand it a little bit. I roomed with a friend of mine in college who was gay, and out, to the point where he had his boyfriend over several times that year, but officially was straight. He felt like in the current social climate, being gay dictates your life too much to make a career on his own. His goal was to get a career started before he made his sexuality known to anyone involved in his professional life. He has a great point, as his sexuality shouldn’t be a professional matter, but there was a lot of tension in his relationship because of his decision.

  45. Aeyt

    he’s dumb

  46. Whittier

    Ugh, I remember back when I was looking for my Joyce. I am very fortunate that they didn’t want anything to do with me.

  47. Phillip Wilde

    Just like Ethan, I had a girlfriend in high school that helped me realize and accept that I was gay. We both hurt a lot, but when all was said and done, we were a lot better off.

    Very much unlike Ethan, I never tried to undo all that in college.

    If you want control, Ethan, control which man/men you date, but don’t deceive a naïve girl and set the both of you up for a lot of hurt.

    1. Phillip Wilde

      OMG, perfect gravatar is perfect.

    2. begbert2

      And if you’re going to deceive a naive girl, for the love of self-preservation don’t pick one who has both an inherent and recently circumstantially conditioned tendency to react to romantic deception by trying to kill the deceiver.

  48. Pat Myers

    Poor Ethan. He’s right. Once everyone knows you’re gay, you no longer have any control over how others see you. Suddenly everything you do is filtered through their prejudices. Ask for a pen and you’re flirting with them. Laugh at someone’s joke about ordering Sum Yung Guy and the company whore is asking if you are a pedophile. Your life becomes a never-ending stream of people implying you deserve to be harassed because you didn’t try hard enough to hide your gayness. Others may see Ethan’s behavior as deceptive. He sees it as a defense against losing his first new friend.

    1. Kernanator

      That’s rough. I can understand why Ethan may feel he is justified in trying to get back in the closet (even if I still think it’s a dumb move), but that doesn’t change or justify the fact that he is clearly and deliberately leading Joyce on.

  49. Ray

    Reserving judgement until he can explain more. Though even if he doesn’t want to be known as “the gay guy”, he doesn’t need to have a “beard” girlfriend. People are allowed to be unattached, even in college. One way or another here he’s not considering Joyce’s feelings, with this sort of thing it’s worse the longer he lets her continue.

  50. Andiemus

    Yeah, control of a completely oblivious young woman, perhaps. Screw you, Ethan.

  51. Roborat

    So, Ethan wants to be a secret agent? He can be agent 69.

  52. Kernanator

    Seriously, Ethan, it’s not like you HAVE to date somebody in college. If anybody asks, you could just say you’re trying to focus on your studies.

  53. somanycolors

    Fuck you Ethan, just fuck you. I want to punch you in your big douchy face.

  54. Arkadi

    WAT

    1. Arkadi

      TEH

      1. Arkadi

        FUQ

  55. Ian

    Ethan can be seen as a scumbag for what he’s doing to Joyce by leading her on when there is a very low probability that anything will come of it. But on the same token you can also look at Ethan with some empathy as even though the social climate today is changing it’s still not great it was even addressed a few chapters ago that business still take anti gay stances and it was mentioned by both Ethan and Amber that his family is not very open to the idea of Ethan being gay. Do I agree with Ethan or think he’s in the right? No but do I see where he’s coming from? Yes

  56. vanillalatte

    I can’t help but think that Joyce isn’t entirely innocent in this. All she’s done is treat him as an object to project what she considers to be boy traits. I’m not saying that this will end any less tragically, (I’m not assigning blame either) but they’re both going to (hopefully) learn and grow from this.

    1. begbert2

      The thing about Joyce is that every boy she meets, she will project her ideal of the prefect (straight, chaste, religious, christian) boy on, and every single one will fail to meet that standard, in a conga line of unavoidable failures. She is literally going to be forced to change her personality and interests in order to find a compatible mate, because that’s what both most of the audience and (doubtlessly) what the author himself would prefer to see happen to her. Which sort of sucks for her.

      What would make this comic complete would be the addition of a new character, who is a straight chaste religious christian male who wants more than anything to find a good pious christian girl of his own brand of fundamentalism, which happens to exactly match Joyce’s. And they never meet despite knowing and interacting with the same group of friends, and frequently passing in the night like Fievel’s family in An American Tail.

      1. vanillalatte

        I’d rather not see it as a force to change her personality, per se, but rather an opportunity to grow as an individual and build on who she already is. She can still be Joyce, but a Joyce that understands that the world is a whole lot bigger than her front yard. I don’t see this as anything but a good thing.

        Lets hope they never meet, for it would be absolutely tragic if they did. but more importantly, I need to watch An American Tail now.

  57. Ragnal

    I was going to say something, realized how dumb it was, but realized I still had something to say, so I’ll just say this.

    Ethan, the second you accidentally let out your sexuality or Joyce puts 2 and 2 together, I will not be surprised if she punches you square in the nose.

    1. begbert2

      And unlike that business with Joe, it’ll actually be fairly justified.

  58. Alex

    He could have aimed for a lavender relationship at least.

  59. Farmer_10

    Come on Ethan. You’re life is on track and happy in Shortpacked. I know you can do it here too. We believe in you.

  60. Intie

    I hope Joyce crashes emotionally and mentally after finding out she’s given her virginity to a gay man and eventually commits suicide.
    Now that would be real drama.

    1. thomas0comer

      …what

    2. Kernanator

      What the flying pooping butt?

  61. Ech

    I guess I’m the only one who thinks Ethan is an incredible douche for using someone as completely fragile as Joyce is, in the way he is doing it. I was utterly surprised that when confronted the first thing out of Amber’s mouth wasn’t in regards to the fact that when this finally comes to pass someone else is going to be the one destroyed, all because he is simply weak.

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