135

Wingman
Posted on June 6, 2011 by David M Willis

135 thoughts on “Wingman”

  1. Jen Aside

    BEWARE OF MAN WHO WANTS TO GET SOME

    1. David Herbert

      His blue balls shall make him monstrous.

      1. BriGuy

        That’s a terrifying mental image.

        1. MediaDuke

          This comment made funnier by the K from Blip avatar.

        2. Fauxlosopher

          Needs a lots of swearing for it to feel right. And a cigarette.

          “Fuck. That’s a fucking terrifying mental image. Or some shit. (Is that a candelabra on his shirt?)”

        3. Alex

          It’s the Greek letter Ψ (Psi)

    2. Jenny Creed

      BEWARE HIS sad FAAAAAAAACE

      1. shadowsneakz

        I love how every weird yet funny line thats used at the start of DoA gets referenced in the comments section forever more.

  2. addude

    Joe it was mean but you know it’s true how is calling Amber a clone suppose to get Danny laid?

  3. Joebo

    Aww, poor Joe. It’s okay, you cna be my wing-man

    1. Joebo

      can*

      1. NF

        Oh gawd, now I’m thinking of the final scene of Top Gun.

        The real one, not Quentin Tarantino’s interpretation.

  4. iSaidCandleja-

    Dorothy’s “dat ass” face is pretty good.

    1. Chester Sellars

      Dat angry ex.

      1. Disastromatic

        Who wants to bet she just remembered why she was attracted to him?

  5. Mr. Cat

    Joe looks so sad! Yet I still find his face hilarious! But yeah, calling her a clone? Worst. Wingman. EVER.

  6. agentksilver

    Awww Joe sadface 🙁

  7. thatgirlwiththeglasses

    I have a strong urge to give Joe a big hug.

    1. milk experiment

      Really? ‘Cause I kinda want to kick him in the shin for being such an idiot. Not kick him hard enough to cause any serious damage, just hard enough to drive the point home.

      1. Jackson

        He had it coming, but Danny’s comment to him is kind of a big ol’ kick in the Joe.

      2. Shift

        Agreed. Joe looks pathetic in the last panel, but he completely deserves it. His in multiple violation of the Bro-Code, and frankly, I’m surprised Danny didn’t say that soon to him and on multiple occasions.

  8. agentksilver

    And oh man, tomorrow we might get a new banner! Dorothy and Billie are both tied at 52!

    1. Jason

      Nooooooooooo, I need to see Billie’s pissy scowl every day…..

      1. CWR

        I read that with one vowel different, evoking puzzled laughter.

  9. Seerow

    Joe’s sadface is so sympathetic… but really Danny only said what we’re all thinking.

    1. Daibhid C

      Joe’s sadFAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.

      1. PedanticJerkass

        Why.

    2. Loki

      And, in fact, several people said in yesterday’s comments.

  10. Cos

    Oh Danny, exes aren’t there to help you. Still, your naïveté might get you somewhere.

    1. Xain

      hey he still has a point “you want me to get over you and then cock block me when i’m getting over you WTF”

  11. PleasingFungus

    I really enjoy how everyone in this scene indicates discomfort by biting their lip.

    Joe’s version is especially priceless.

  12. The Sound Defense

    Poor Joe. He always means well, but is just a dope. 🙁

    He can be my wingman any day.

    1. Viktoria

      Bullshit. He can be mine.

  13. A. Colunga

    Joe is…. MONGOOOSE!!!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      This is news to me!

      1. A. Colunga

        Should get yourself checked for Joes right away!

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Sounds like a serious condition, I hope this won’t affect my wingman abilities. 😛

        2. Kernanator

          I’m sorry you have received such a serious STD as Joes.

  14. bongo

    The phrase is “have it in for me”, Willis

    1. begbert2

      Seconded – perhaps it’s a local variation?

    2. TsunamiJane

      Well, he might be mixing it up with “out to get me.”

      And hey! Maybe Willis is fully aware of the correct phrase, but decided his character would say it incorrectly. Remember, it’s not grammatically incorrect if it’s a quote!

      1. Lady Ray

        That’s how they say it ’round here 😛

    3. Chupi

      I’ve heard both, but hear “have it out for me” a lot more often.

  15. Ryan Balis

    That… hurts.. Poor Joe

  16. Liberal1337

    Called it.

  17. T Campbell

    Y’know, for all the information Danny’s missing, his pissiness and his pathological serial monogamy, he still manages to score two direct hits.

    Sure, Dorothy’s got chasing the story as an excuse and she can’t help it that Joe’s place is Danny’s place, but still, entering Danny’s domain that soon after an ugly breakup was a risk, and it doesn’t even seem to have occurred to her that it was.

    Then again, from the look on her face, and from Danny’s general policies to date, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the first time he’s ever blown up at her, over anything.

    1. milk experiment

      “Pathological serial monogamy” is a little harsh. Maybe the guy just has a ‘type’ and is sticking to it?

      1. Aydr

        It’s not just a little harsh, I’d call that outright unfounded.

      2. begbert2

        “Pathological serial monogamy” means “refuses on principle to sleep with two women at once”. Since he was in a relationship, that means “Refuses to cheat on his girlfriend”.

        When did this start being a bad thing?

        1. Seerow

          When it became pathological, try to keep up.

        2. taekwondogirl

          Pathological doesn’t mean something’s bad either.

        3. gangler

          http://www.google.ca/webhp?hl=en#hl=en&safe=off&site=webhp&q=pathological&tbs=dfn:1&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=hW_tTe6ODur20gGG8pWQAQ&ved=0CCcQkQ4&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=979c06cd3d3a36aa&biw=1366&bih=642

          Definitions 2 and three certainly don’t sound good…

        4. Xelgaex

          I was thinking it meant, in this context, going after another girl when you just got out of a long relationship. Like a person who can’t be happy unless they’re dating someone.

    2. Magnus369

      What’s really funny is that you think that was an ugly break up. Do they give you tea and cookies when telling you to hit the bricks? Hell, fact that there wasn’t blood, a freaking flood of tears, clothes, furniture and otherwise strewn about makes it a pretty damn tame break up.

  18. Alex

    Damn I feel bad for Joe. But I know he’ll make it up to Danny.

    1. CWR

      Bow chika bow wow.

    2. Kernanator

      With his penis.

  19. Makkabee

    OMG!! Danny’s got a spine!

    Where’s he been hiding that sucker?

    1. Kernanator

      In his FAAAAAAAAACE.

      1. Kavonde

        With his penis.

        1. das-g

          That would be anatomically … difficult. But it might be a great (if unconventional) example of hiding in plain sight.

        2. Arthur Dent

          For a nickel?

        3. Loki

          I’m kinda imagining a pornographic MODOK with Danny’s face.

        4. CWR

          Thanks to that image I’m imagining never being sexually aroused ever again.

    2. Ancestral Hamster

      It’s a rental. He has to return it by tomorrow or lose the deposit.

    3. MM

      Hey, at least this time no one had to die for it to make an appearance.

    4. Plasma Mongoose

      Hopefully in his back, where it does the most good.

    5. gangler

      Evidently in his balls I guess. We should study to figure out what peculiarity in his physiology brings his spine into alignment when he experiences the condition colloquialism as “Blue Balls”. I bet it would advance our ability to treat Chronic Wuss Syndrome by decades.

      1. Noel Schornhorst

        Yes… I’ll check Danny’s balls.

        Repeatedly.

        Just to be sure…

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Your Roz grav makes your comment all the kinkier.

  20. Dahlia

    *squeals* Danno with a backbooooooooonne! YES!

    1. QueenThomas

      Only because they killed the front bone. *shot*

      1. Dahlia

        xD yep! *bu-dump-cha!*

        1. Engelfire

          *rimshot*

  21. Kernanator

    Seriously Joe, not cool, man. Not cool.

  22. Socks

    joe’s reaction is like the best XD

  23. Jimmy

    Go Danny go!

  24. Aizat

    Damn! Never thought I see the day Danny went ballistic. I want to say I’m sorry for Joe but he did somewhat started all this.

    1. ryan

      blue ballistic!

      1. CWR

        You win all the internets today!

  25. Space Core

    The wound is deep

  26. Undrave

    Danny used Spine!

    Critical hit! It’s super effective!

    1. Skye

      I’m sad because I thought of a similar pun and was beaten to the punch on posting it. It was suppose to be:

      Danny used RIPPIN’ INTO HIS FRIENDS!

      It’s SUPER super effective!

    2. gangler

      The Dullahan of irish folklore carried with it a human spine which it would use as whip. Fun fact.

      *Crack!* “Meow” That’s right. I’m turning this into a sex thing.

      1. CWR

        *surprised*

  27. Cameron

    I condone Danny’s spine. But I’m getting some crossed signals and believe the next step for him will probably end up at Ethan – Amber has the GayFormer Aura thing going.

  28. Tristan J

    I wonder how all those people that kept going on about Dorothy and Amber looking alike feel right now.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I doubt that they will change their minds but at least most of us wouldn’t be stupid enough to say it to their FACES.

  29. goatman95111

    Great to finally see Danny stand up for himself. I would prefer, though, he yell at Dot some more.

    1. milk experiment

      Why the Dorothy hate? She had reasonable cause to break up with Danny (though he probably doesn’t see it that way). She really should’ve tried to talk Joe into meeting somewhere other than his and Danny’s dorm room, though.

      1. taekwondogirl

        Dot tried to get his goat.

      2. gangler

        Because exes are inherently wrong dontcha know?

      3. begbert2

        I thought it was because she was blonde.

        Damned blondes. Always leaving the seat up.

        1. CWR

          After turning the heat up.

  30. Bean

    You GO, Dude.

    That is all.

  31. Khrene Cleaver

    Joe used Roar!

    Amber fled in terror!

    Dorothy stayed due to her ability, “Obligation to Press”

    Danny used outrage!

    Joe was hurt in the tantrum!

    Dorothy was hurt in the tantrum! – Critical Hit! It’s Super Effective!-

    Danny calmed down and is confused.

    Danny hurt himself in his confusion!

    1. Skye

      I swear, if everything from calmed down and on happens, I will have to give you a box of cookies or something.

    2. Shift

      I have to disagree with you Ref. Looks like Joe got the super-effective critical hit. Dorothy just looks uncomfortable, but Joe looks like he’s about to cry. 😛

  32. Shift

    I have to admit, I am in total support of Danny anger here. Both Dorothy and Joe stepped over some lines.

    I mean, even though Dorothy wasn’t there to intentionally hurt Danny, she should have considered the risk of going to Danny’s room and do the interview inside said room. They broke up 4 days ago. What if Danny had opened the door? Did she ever consider his feelings? Nope.

    And Joe… I always felt he sucked as a wingman. Don’t get me wrong, I like him (sometimes), but he rarely if ever follows the bro-code which one would think a guy like him would treat like the freakin’ bible. I mean, think about the violations he’s already guilty of:

    – Never Sleep with a Bro’s ex (Joe hasn’t done it yet, but he told Danny 5 seconds after the break-up that he wants to add Dorothy to his sex-list.)
    – Bros Before Hos. (Not long after break-up instead of helping Danny recover from his lost love, he got annoyed and forced him to play wingman, so that Joe himself could get maybe get laid.)
    – Do whatever you can to help your bro score (Danny brought a girl home. Instead of being supportive, he starts rambling on about how the girl is a clone of the ex.)

    And I’m pretty sure allowing your bro’s ex into said bro’s living quarters is some kind of violation as well.

    Sorry Joe and Dorothy, but you kids stepped in it.

    1. nosleep3

      Amen to everything you said. For all Dorothy goes on about wanting to get into an Ivy League law school (or whatever), she has an astounding lack of judgment. And Joe…you would THINK the Bro Code meant something to him, but I think his real code has nothing to do with Bros and everything to do with Self-Gratification. Plus, he’s a moron.

  33. shoeboxjeddy

    I’m guessing Joe will now chase down Amber in a semi-creepy attempt to brodeem himself.

    1. gangler

      “Don’tcha see Amber! I’m Bropologizing! This is nothing to brewcify me over. I’m just looking to fix this brotastrophy and set the record straight. Danny is an upstanding dude, totally on the down-bro, and you shouldn’t judge a playa by his fraternity. You hear what I’m Brospressing? Have we brommunicated?”

      1. Bekah

        It’s kinda creepy to me that you’re so fluent in brospeak.

        1. das-g

          Not quite. It should be ‘set the brocord straight’

        2. gangler

          Doesn’t work, because you can broker something, (with the past tense being brokered) so it’s phonetically identical to an actual word. You can’t have that if you wanna properly bronvey meaning.

        3. Jackson

          And besides, that’d just be broverkill.

        4. nothri

          Oh, nice going people. The term ‘bro’ has now officially lost all meaning!

        5. Jackson

          I guess my comment was the straw that bro-ke the camel’s back!

          Besides, it’s not like the term was terribly meaningful to bro-gin with.

          Seriously, guys. I could bro on all day.

  34. TheBenenator

    Well done, Danny. You are learning.

  35. Aizat

    Atta boy, Danno. Just be sure to keep that spine Danny and it will be smooth sailing for you.

  36. Cadlington

    Damn, son. Looks like Danny’s QUITE over Dorothy. Funny to look back and see his reaction to him being broke up with her.

    1. Shift

      Not necessarily… Danny might still have deep feeling for her, but is hurt and pissed to see her in his home, acting like she owns the joint and commenting snidely about his new female friend. This was probably just a good excuse to finally tell her off,

  37. Bekah

    Two comics in a row that make me like Danny even more. I’m liking this trend.

  38. TemplarKnight

    (Panel 4)

    THANK YOU! That’s what I’ve been saying.

  39. Plagus

    One more comic, and Dorothy takes over from Billie…

  40. Emily

    Willis! No big deal, but when I got to this comic in my Google Reader it was still showing Friday’s comic. I always click through to glance at the comments and it got me to the right place just fine, just thought you might want to know.

  41. ziggy78eog

    Chillax, Danny, you can talk to her when you meet her at class again.

    1. Spiffster13

      That’s not the point here. Sure he has the chance to recover with Amber after this, but Joe and Dorothy made things harder for him in the long run.

      After Danny decided to man up and take the initiative, he get’s rewarded with Amber seeing a crazy ex (those last comics screamed unbalanced) and asshole roommate. If you started to gauge an interest in someone would you want to go back up there knowing crazy could follow?

  42. Xedni

    Second panel. “Dannyzilla will DESTROY YOU!”

  43. Lone Wolf

    Really proud of Danny here. More for his comment to Dorothy than to Joe, but definitely for both.

    Seriously, she waited until after he’d already followed her up to college to put her foot down and break up with him, leaving him emotionally devastated, and then when he tries to move on and put her behind him, she has the nerve to get pissy at him for bringing a girl back to his room? And not even for sex! They were just there so he could grab his DS so they could play some games together! Sex, presumably, would come later.

    And yes, Joe is the worst wingman EVER. Because in the end, Joe doesn’t care about getting a bro laid; he just cares about getting to Joe some girl. With his penis. Possibly in the FAAAAAAAAAAAAACE. Obligatory memes aside, it may be the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to him, but that’s only because he knows it’s the truth.

    Very good, Danny. Let the hate flow through you.

    1. creativerealms

      i got the notion that she had been trying to break up with him for a while but Danny was not hearing it.

      1. nothri

        I think it doesn’t help her case that the first words she says to him between an abrupt and painful breakup and seeing him again weren’t something judgemental about him and the girl he wanted to go out with. “So four days, huh?” just oozes with disapproval, which is something Danny should not be inclined to give a crap about at this point. More than that, he tried to introduce Amber to them and they were too busy throwing negative comments his way to even acknowledge that she said hello.

  44. QueenThomas

    Oh my god, today’s Agents of Cracked is called “Worst Wingman Ever.” That’s just too perfect. http://www.cracked.com/video_18270_rr-o.p.p..html

  45. SixStringSam

    Yessssssss, Danny let the anger fill you. Let your hate flow. Embrace the dark side.

  46. MacGravatar

    Wooooo! I remembered mah gravatar! But srsly, y doesn’t anyone ever figure it out? It’s obvious who Amazi-Girl is!

    P.S. The only reason you haven’t seen her is because you haven’t gotten into trouble with bullies yet. Wait a few comic strips, it’ll happen soon enough.

  47. Lt. Taz

    Joe’s face in the last panel sorta breaks my heart. He is too adorable there.

  48. DiDi

    It’s kinda both sympathetic and hilarious that this is what hurts Joe’s feelings…

    Part of me goes aww but the other part just laughs.

  49. Yhelta

    Now if only the first panel of the next page is Danny pointing at the door while looking at Dot and yelling “Get Out!!!”

  50. Plasma Mongoose

    The only thing that could calm him down now is chocolate.

    1. CWR

      I thought Sarah+Danny was a non-starter?

  51. ProtonCon

    I feel bad for Joe in the last panel.

    And yet, hot damn go Danny! Way to say to Blonde Amber what some of us were thinking outside of the strip.

  52. Kelsey

    That is some awesome nerd rage.

  53. Plasma Mongoose

    If those lips were bitten any harder, they’ll bleed.

  54. Fonzelot

    Someone grew some balls. o_o (I’m reading these from the first one, cause it’s my first time reading it.)

  55. rachel

    BEST DANNY STRIP EVER

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