432

Cake
Posted on August 4, 2017 by David M Willis

432 thoughts on “Cake”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Mary AND cake doughnut for my bday oh THANKS

    wait, NO THANKS

    1. pluto

      oh, hey, it’s my birthday too! happy birthday to us!

      …unfortunately we both got mary

      1. Doctor_Who

        At least she’s a Merry Mary, instead of a Scary Mary.

        For my last birthday, I got an Uncouth Ruth Who Wants Some Vermouth.

        1. Walky_Talky

          Merry Mary might have made it mighty high on The List. Maybe that’s why Merry Mary is so merry.

        2. Doctor_Who

          So Mary is merry primarily because she’s on Joe’s unsanitary itinerary? Think he wants her missionary, or something less ordinary?

          Wonder if they’ll marry, or it’ll be temporary.

        3. Wizard

          Personally, I find merry Mary very scary.

        4. Iforgetwhatiputhere

          You’re right to be wary; merry Mary isn’t very ordinary. Usually she’s the adversary but this time she seems nice and airy. I still think it will vary, this is only temporary.

        5. Brotato

          /slow applause

        6. Deanatay

          Exemplary.

          Now, don’t tarry, go to the commissary and get some dairy.

        7. jpiC89

          Merry Mary, quite contrary.

      2. Rowen Morland

        You got unexpectedly mary’d and now you have regrets. There wasn’t even a honeymoon period of cake donuts.

    2. UltraKyrie

      birthday twins :O

      1. Pat

        That’s a near-requirement for twins, yes.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Depends on how late in the night the first one is born, and how far apart they are.

          Happy birthday!

        2. Deathjavu

          Between axial spin, timezones and orbital wobble, what day is never really all that fixed.

          I think there was a guest Questionable Content about that

        3. Ana Chronistic

          also it can be five weeks apart: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2016/04/07/doctors-stunned-by-rare-twins-born-more-than-five-weeks-apart/?utm_term=.2251e28b54c9

          (the record is like 91 days I think? but I don’t want to spend THAT long on reapsearch)

        4. Ana Chronistic

          reapsearch? THANKS IPAD

    3. Savail

      At least it wasn’t donut vomit like mine was?

      1. Krys Brynhildr

        I don’t know how to do those fancy links, but mine was Phony-Baloney.

        Happy Birthday to most of the people in the comment thread. Hopefully you’ll end up with gifts that are preferable to Mary.

    4. Fire_daws

      It could be worse, it could have been toe-dad :p

      1. Ana Chronistic

        it was =(

  2. Emperor Daniel

    There’s something about Mary

    1. Dana

      Somehow I managed to hold back on that joke long enough for someone to take the hit for me.

    2. Stephen Bierce

      This counts as a Muzak. I can take a day off.

      1. m-m

        Sneaks in and plays the Run DMC version of “Mary Mary” on the hacked Muzak.

        1. Khno

          Just like Honey – The Jesus and Mary chain (Psuchocandy album)

          In fact all songs on this album can relate somehow to this arch…

    3. Yumi

      Whenever I see Mary in this comic, I think of “Mary, Mary quite contrary” only I don’t really know the nursery rhyme (I’ve looked it up, but I didn’t hear it as a kid, so it doesn’t stick in my head). Instead I start thinking of the song “Merry Go ‘Round” by Kacey Musgraves.

      Mary Mary quite contrary,
      We get bored so we get married
      And just like dust we settle in this town

    4. tyersome

      Yep, Mary takes the cake
      …
      donut
      …

      1. Remmington Steele

        Donut forsake oh my cream-cake (From High Tea at the Sponge Cake Tea-rooms)

    5. joe archer

      There has been something about Mary since she has been wearing that white costume.

      1. Joe Covenant

        Ever since a certain 3-day time-skip…

  3. AnvilPro

    Mary. Best character. Until the second shoe drops that seems to be the case.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Yeah, she had better cure cancer and invent non-fattening cake donuts before I’ll let my guard down.

  4. Yumi

    CAKE DONUTS ARE NOT THE BEST KIND, I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

    1. wwwhhattt

      What… what is a cake doughnut?

      1. Yumi

        So basically there are cake doughnuts and yeast doughnuts, and the difference lies in what ingredients are used to make the dough rise. You’ve probably had both kinds of doughnuts. The cake ones are denser, while the yeast ones are fluffier.

        I’m a fan of yeast doughnuts myself.

        1. Cyrus

          I’ve recently discovered there are also potato donuts, and they are superior to all other varieties.

        2. Yumi

          I’ve heard of those but have never had one. They sound interesting.

        3. zoelogical

          :ooooooo

        4. Krys Brynhildr

          Spudnuts? Yeah, those are pretty good.

        5. Kat

          yeast donuts give me a stomach ache. Cake donuts for me!

        6. coru

          The only cake donuts I like are the blueberry ones from Dunkin. Otherwise yeast donuts all the way.

        7. Alan Lafond

          From this description, it sounds to me like your standard ring-shaped Chocolate Glazed and Old-Fashioned Glazed doughnuts from Tim Horton’s would fall into the category of cake doughtnuts, then. I definitely do enjoy those, though there are also a few yeast ones I like too.

        8. Ana Chronistic

          how is this the only mention of Tim Horton’s in this whole page of comments =p

          (not that I’ve even been to one, but STILL)

      2. Ravian

        It’s essentially a doughnut with the dough consistency of cake, fairly thick and almost chewy. As opposed to a raised doughnut which rises as it is cooked and thus is lighter like a pastry.

        I won’t die on a hill for either variety, but generally I find cake doughnuts can be a little too filling. If I’m hungry you better believe that I’ll go for a cake doughnut over a raised, but otherwise you gotta be careful or you’re going to stuff yourself eating cake doughnuts.

      3. Cholma

        Cake Donuts are what I call the kind that Dunkin Donuts sells, while Krispy Kreme are the evil pure Sugar/Air donuts that wrong people like Yumi prefer.

        1. Yumi

          Ummm, first of all, both those places sell both kinds of donuts. Second of all, meet me by the bike rack after school.

        2. Victor

          You have now said the magic words, Krispy Kreme. I am now hungry. Fortunately, they’re open 24 hours a day.

        3. not someone else

          But is the HOT FRESH light on?

        4. Needfuldoer

          We had Krispy Kreme for only a year or so before they pulled out of the market. It’s Dunk’s home turf, and there are already some deeply entrenched local chains.

          But oh what a glorious year that was…

        5. Achallenger

          At least there is still the kappys across the street from where it once stood so we can drink our sorrows away

        6. Geneseepaw

          Useta try to make a half dozen Krispy-kremes last for three days,… Thirty-two hours was my best time, evar!
          I have a K-K coffee mug to remember them by. It is extra thick ceramic and cools the coffee to drinking temperature almost instantly. It is the BEST for mornings! … Cofffffeeeeeee mmmmeeeeee!

        7. Khyrin

          Ours got shut down fairly quick too…

          Mostly because of a guy I had Principles of Technology(aka Applied Physics) with.

          he kept drinking the icing out of a pitcher.

        8. Derek

          I don’t know whether to be disgusted or ask you for his phone number, or both…

        9. Yumi

          Oh, definitely both.

    2. Durandal_1707

      Cake donuts don’t even count as donuts. They are in their own special category, a category which is called “Why incur the calories for *this?!*”.

      1. Inspector Hound

        You are the only one making sense right now.

    3. Doctor_Who

      It’s totally those blueberry ones.

      1. Orion Fury

        Seconded. Though I also like those limited run that Dunkin’ did with the chocolate cake, caramel drizzle and crushed pretzel topping.

      2. Khno

        Oooh, the blueberry without blueberry in it?

    4. @zombieundergrnd

      Oh hell yes they are.

    5. Mandy

      Seconded. Yeast donuts are *far* superior.

      1. DarkoNeko

        swcrew donuts, pain au chocolat is where it’s at !

        1. Yumi

          That’s also good, though one time I was with someone who said I was pretentious when I got one over other pastry options, and like I know the name’s in French, but it’s not that fancy? But anyway, now that’s what I think of whenever I consider getting pain au chocolat, and okay this is about pastries, not my insecure ass, YEAST DONUTS.

        2. BigDogLittleCat

          Donuts and pain au chocolat, thank you very much!
          Cake or raised donuts? Yes, please!

        3. NotPiffany

          You are officially the only one making sense here.

          I need to get a set of pastry cutters and try my hand at making donuts some time. Sure, I’ve got a Dunkin’ and a local bakery that makes these yummy “donut bites,” but I like… uh… usually I say “baking” here, but donuts are fried….

        4. Geneseepaw

          You win, best comment of the internets, just that. And I second your idea. Do we have a majority, here?

      2. Yumi

        I concur.

        I do like cake donuts when it’s fall and I’m at a cider mill and I have fresh cider and the cinnamon-sugar/cinnamon-spice donuts are hot and fresh, but otHER THAN THAT

    6. JetstreamGW

      Fight me! cake doughnuts 4 life!

    7. Rosie

      Agreed. Boston. Creams.

      1. Dana

        Oh god, I’ve been away from New England long enough to want Dunkin’ Donuts, haven’t I?

    8. Victor

      Cake doughnuts are FAKE doughnuts. If I wanted cake, I’d have gotten cake.

    9. Cass

      The only time cake donuts are acceptable is if they’re from a cider mill and still hot. And have cinnamon-sugar on the outside. And even then yeast would be better.

    10. nightsbridge

      Glazed are best. This is the hill I choose to die on.

      1. Needfuldoer

        You have my sword.

      2. Yumi

        Okay, but glazed cake or glazed yeast-raised?

    11. Smiling Cat

      All those who deny the superiority of cake donuts will fall to my cane in the name of the glorious cake.

    12. Tawdry Quirks

      Agreed. I lived in Round Rock, Texas (suburb of Austin) for almost two decades, so to my mind the one true donut is the glazed yeast donut from Round Rock Donuts. Although I’m not such an extreme purist to suggest that anything other than the plain glazed is wrong, because my favorite is the chocolate frosted. But the first donut you should try from them is the plain glazed.

    13. IllogicalBobcat

      Plain cake donuts are totally the best though. The next best is anything with sprinkles.

    14. 80-watt Hamster

      Preach.

    15. 3oranges

      There’s a vote! Let’s see, Mary says cake donuts are the best kind, and Billie obviously can’t believe she would say that. I’ll vote for Billie’s party.

    16. Deanatay

      My parents warned me, when I was a child, that the Internet was full of LIARS. I didn’t believe them! I was a FOOL.

      Cronuts FTW!

      1. Yumi

        Cronuts are like the cheating answer, but damn if they aren’t good. I might go get a cronut because of this comment.

  5. Mandy

    I’m really not looking forward to the other shoe dropping on whatever the fuck is going on here.

    1. Cephalo the Pod

      I am, actually. Willis’s ongoing obfuscation of Mary’s sudden cheerfulness is…well, it’s not obnoxious yet, but I really feel like this needs to be wrapped up soon.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Considering how time passes in this comic, it could be months or years.

        He’s just waiting for us to let our guards down, start growing attached to her, then he drops the veil.

        The sounds of “DAMN YOU WILLIS” will echo o’er these halls, drowned out only by his maniacal laughter.

        1. Cephalo the Pod

          No, we’re definitely finding out what’s up with Mary by the end of this book. It just makes narrativr sense. So, like, within the next month or two.

      2. hof1991

        We went from Amber stabbing Sal as a kid to Amber stabbing Ryan last week. DYW plays the looooong game in this narrative.

    2. JessWitt

      It’s killing me inside every time she shows up. I just gotta know what’s Mary’s deal.

      1. Inspector Hound

        My current theory is that she learned from Carla’s long-con op on her, and is replying in kind.

        But if that is her strategy, she’s picked one that goes against her nature, so it’s a race to see if she cracks before delivering her final move.

    3. BenRG

      No-one (at least no-one in the dorms) is really pure evil and Willis is trying to communicate that.

      I suspect that the ‘other shoe’ will be Willis revealing that cheerful!Mary is a result of something very nice happening to her (Boyfriend, pregnant or both, IMO). Willis is going to snatch that away and it’s going to fall to Carla and Billie to comfort her and get her through it alive.

      1. thejeff

        He did the Mary hypocritically has sex/gets pregnant story in Roomies, so I doubt he’ll retread that ground here. Nor anything that could come across as “Mary just needed to get laid”, cause that’s a horrid trope.

        Plus, it’s too over done. Mary isn’t just not mean and cheerier, she’s overwhelmingly cheerful and friendly. It’s an act.

        1. BenRG

          It’s not about sex, Jeff, it’s about a relationship that has reached the level of intimacy that Mary, someone notorious for her moral rigidity, had chosen (whether or not entirely wisely) to let it progress to sex. To describe it as ‘needing to be laid’ is a gross oversimplification.

        2. thejeff

          Given that we’ve still got no idea if that’s the case or not, I’m not sure how I’m oversimplifying the thing we’re making up.
          I said he wouldn’t do a story that would come across that way.
          I also find the idea of a relationship that’s been completely hidden reaching any real level of intimacy so quickly kind of coming out of the blue. It would be very hard to present at this point without seeming like Mary quickly jumped into sex – thus seeming like I suggested.
          Maybe he could pull it off. I doubt we’re going that way.

  6. AndieStardust

    as a pastry chef in training I must now go out and find a recipe to make this for..research purposes.

    1. AndieStardust

      also damn I’ve never been this early

    2. vlademir1

      There’re dozens of recipes for them if you search Google (Food Network has a good one), but it’s basically a plain spiced cake batter thickened to the texture of biscuit dough then fried.

      Once fried, the standard is to toss em in powdered sugar or cinnamon sugar, dip in sugar glaze or top with ganache.

    3. NotPiffany

      The Good Eats donut episode, Circle of Life, is season 8, episode 4, and available for $2 through Amazon video.

  7. The Aussie Bloke

    I’m going to get curb-stomped for this, but maybe Mary has reverse PMS. When she’s on her period, she’s all sweetness and light.

    The rest of the month, she’s a rotten hellbongo.

    1. The Aussie Bloke

      Okay auto-censor, you win this round for making me laugh at my own comment.

    2. Foxhack

      Or maybe she’s like Mike and she’s just drunk off her ass.

      1. Dana

        I love this theory.

    3. nightsbridge

      why would you do this

    4. Regalli

      She’s wearing white bottoms. Trust me, dude, literally no menstruating person would dare. Maybe if she has an obscenely light blood flow and the hubris of a god, but you rarely get THAT light unless you’ve been on certain forms of birth control for a while. And she’s a fundie, so even if it were medically necessary she probably wouldn’t for fear of being seen as promiscuous. Also, you don’t tend to be that happy while bleeding uncontrollably out of your genital region.

      1. Brotato

        Fun fact: For a cosplay, because I was desperate and I put too much work into it to change it last second, I did dare. My period was TWO WEEKS LATE, just to show up the day before Mechacon, when I was supposed to wear white shorts.

        I’m a person with a heavy flow, but I *do* have the hubris of a god. Or the desperation of one.

        1. Regalli

          You are a brave, brave person, and I salute you.

          Yeah if I hadn’t been typing on the phone I might have included the “unless there’s an event you really can’t reschedule, like a wedding, and even then I have to imagine you’d get several types of products for coverage and then promised a sacrifice to the uncaring menstrual gods” caveat. I have just bled through far too many pads to ever want to try.

        2. DinaWho

          Out of curiosity, what was the cosplay?

  8. DarkoNeko

    No, seriously, why is she so happy. This is unsettling.

    1. DarkoNeko

      Also, “do you want to take a bit off my D..” reminds me of that one Yotomoe drawing.

      1. Orion Fury

        Only one?

  9. joe archer

    Just gotta love panels 3 and 5…

    1. JessWitt

      I thought Billie couldn’t get any frownier and Willis doubled down perfectly.

  10. Gojira

    There’s something about Mary. Is she drunk?

    1. JessWitt

      She’s eaten too many rum cake doughnuts.

  11. Derek

    my guess is that this is all a performance from Mary so Billie won’t punch her again. Not sure what the deeper devious plan is yet

    1. Sam

      Nah, she already established back at Ruth’s last meeting that she wasn’t afraid of Billie any more because she has something to lose to again and has been acting nice to everyone when Billie hasn’t even been near so it isn’t an act just for Billie.

  12. William Leonard Reese Jr.

    Please. Cake Donuts are nowhere NEAR the glory that is the freshly baked and glazed, Glazed Donut!

    1. Kamino Neko

      Why do people keep talking about ‘glazed’ like it’s a completely separate category to cake.

      Glazed can be cake, or yeast.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Yeast glazed are best glazed. The light dough and crystalized sugar perfectly compliment each other. They might have a short shelf life but they’re so good while they last…

        Cake glazed are imposters that should not exist. The glaze is all syrupy and gets everywhere… Cake donuts are better with icing and jimmies, or powdered toppings like confectioner’s sugar and cinnamon.

    2. Delicious Taffy

      The typical glazed donut is only good if it’s still got its intended texture. The moment it goes even slightly stale, you might as well lick an active belt sander.

      1. Ed Rhodes

        Mmmmmm, active belt sander.

  13. Fallingivy

    Cake donuts ARE the best kind.

    1. joe archer

      Not really wanting into the baking goods debate, but yeast ones rule.

      Cf: JFK saying “Ish bin eyen Berliner” which has been pointed out to mean “I’m a donut”. If he had meant to say “I’m from Berlin, too” it would have been “(auch) ich bin Berliner”. And before you start to grumble, native German speaker writing here.

      1. UniqueSnowflake2

        Kind of like the difference between “I am Danish” and “I am a Danish.”

      2. Orion Fury

        Well this comment thread is arguable close to the GEH.

      3. CJ

        As Berliner is only used to specify pastry outside of Berlin – don’t ask for a Berliner in Berlin bakeries – he wasn’t so far off. The stuff is called Pfannkuchen in Berlin, which confuses people from outside as everywhere else, that’s a pancake, not anything at all related to donuts.
        Now, if he’d said “Ich bin ein Pfannkuchen”,… Scnr

        1. joe archer

          Ok, I guess the only city where you can order a citizen without being looked at strangely is Hamburg. (No, not Frankfurt or Wien…)

        2. CJ

          Well, people from Hamburg and Wien are reputed to be polite – don’t really know if people from Frankfurt are supposed to be noteworthyly polite or not. People from Berlin tend to cultivate their reknown Berliner Schnautze and they will not just look strangely at you, they will tell you off in a way you remember.

  14. DailyBrad

    Cake Donuts are nice, but I don’t want one every time. Blueberry cake donuts rock.

    I knew Mary wasn’t going to be golden just because she wasn’t big on attempted stabbings, maybe also hearing the guy get accused multiple times of drugging and rapes. Even assholes can have limits.

    1. Ravian

      Exactly, if I’m actually hungry a cake doughnut is great to tide you until you get some real food, but as a snack? Cake Doughnuts are just going to stuff me and make me feel bloated, a yeast doughnut is usually what I’d prefer in those instances.

  15. Miguel

    OK, How long until this sudden character shift is explained?

  16. Passchendaele

    i think somebody gave mary a psychology textbook and she realized she could drive everyone mad by not being a hate sink.

    1. Andy

      That or she finally read the verse about being nice to your enemies and heaping burning coals on their heads.

      1. Julez

        To be honest the stabbing probably scared her into being less of an asshole.

  17. maxyai

    Heresy! Old fashioned donuts are the only way to go.

    1. Yumi

      Aren’t old-fashioned donuts just a type of cake donut? Granted, the one one Mary is holding doesn’t look particularly like an old-fashioned itself.

      1. StClair

        They’re a variant of, yes.

        I like some raised and some old-fashioned or cake. Chocolate frosting, e.g., tends to go better on the latter, IMO and for some reason.

        (Incidentally, this is the first time I’ve ever heard the former type called “yeast.” Regionalism?)

        1. Yumi

          Maybe. I’ve heard them called “yeast-raised” before, but if it’s just half of that, it’s “yeast” over “raised.” Midwest here.

        2. Yumi

          Actually, if your name has to do with your location, than I don’t know because you’d be pretty close to me.

        3. StClair

          It doesn’t; I’m in Oregon (and have been pretty much my whole life, so).

        4. Yumi

          I had to go back a couple days to check on those “don’t believe in Oregon” comments, which I see you commented on. Lovely state, shame it doesn’t exist.

        5. Smiling Cat

          As a washingtonian, I can confirm this. Oregon is a myth created by Californians.

        6. Delicious Taffy

          I hope those quotation marks don’t carry any…implications. ?

        7. Yumi

          “””””Implications”””””?

  18. Will Miertschin

    She got a prescription from her psychologist or something. It’s the only explanation.

    1. NotPiffany

      Psychiatric meds take at least a couple of weeks to start kicking in.

      1. Ragnarok101

        …she got it two weeks ago? I dunno.

  19. Just Me

    By now just about everyone on the floor should be creeped out by Mary’s Heel-Face-Turn.

    1. Orion Fury

      So long as it’s not a Revolving Door.

  20. Foxhack

    I love cake donuts. The bundt kind are the best.

  21. Puckish Rogue

    Is Mary subtly being drawn differently than she was in the past, shes definitely looking more attractive as of late.

    1. lia47

      🙁

      1. Puckish Rogue

        Well she is, I’m not sure what her deal is at the moment but shes looking good at the moment and not sporting wrist bands either

        1. Orion Fury

          I’ll be one to bravely step forward to state how I’ve found her to be…aesthetically pleasing. Then the opening of the mouth, etc, etc. I for one am hopefully this is an indicator or not a new chapter, but a whole new book for her, but I’m a fan of redemption, so ymmv.

        2. Smiling Cat

          Honestly, I’d find her attractive if I were twenty years younger and didn’t have nieces her age. Not a criticism or anything, I just hate being old.

        3. Smiling Cat

          And also if she wasn’t the devil. Kinda a deal breaker as a rule.

    2. Leorale

      She hadn’t had a sincere, non-manipulative smile before. She looks happy (without also looking like she’d gladly kick a puppy).

      1. Tacos

        How do we know this isn’t her “gladly-kick-a-puppy” smile?

        1. thejeff

          No, no. This is her “just-kicked-a-puppy” smile. Completely different.

    3. TheHorseCouncil

      Genuine smile. Larger more expressive irises? The color part of her eyes.

  22. Shiro

    Cake donuts are okay, but only when they’re chocolate and iced. Either way, still too good for Mary. She gets those weird krullers that manage to be, like, wet inside.

    Btw, I did something kind of DoA-fanart-adjacent?

  23. nightsbridge

    Mary is freaking me out so much

  24. Rocketboy1313

    So, Mary hacked the list and now thinks she did a good thing because Joe is making “amends”?
    Or maybe she is only a bongo because her blood sugar is off and the donuts helped?

    1. MatthewTheLucky

      No, this started earlier.

  25. Pigeon Pollyx

    What the fuck is happening

  26. newllend(henryvolt)

    Ok maybe just maybe Mary is trying to keep a low profile because the number of attacks on the campus are due to religious extremist and she’s trying to actually set a better example by being fake and begrudgingly nice to people considering she’s already catching shade for near pushing someone to suicide….nah, she doesn’t seem to have a conscience.

  27. Tarmaniel

    I’m still going with my theory that the person on Joe’s list that he’s “especially sorry” about is either Ruth or Carla, that it contains an exceptionally hateful teardown, and that Mary is ecstatic because “somebody finally said what we’re all thinking.”

    1. dn3s

      this seems like a sensible enough theory, but i still don’t feel like this or any of the ones i’ve read account for the sheer volume of joy coming out of her. like i could see her brightening up for like an hour for something like that,

    2. Kamino Neko

      How does ‘bean bag’ describe either of them?

    3. joe archer

      Did Mary leak Joe’s list?

  28. Synnerman

    There’s something about Mary…

  29. linkman0596

    Mary has been taking mike lessons, calling it now

    1. AgentKeen

      Mary… And Mike…

      -shivers-

      1. Emperor Daniel

        And Willis did put that Mike x Mary art up a while back…

        1. Mr D

          WHAT WHERE

  30. Ivy

    Girl should try apologizing before acting nice out of the blue

  31. Adj

    I swear, if we don’t find out why Mary is so happy, I’mma burst a vessel.

  32. Jade

    Working Theory: Mary fell into another dimension like Narnia or something where time is distorted and had a crazy long magical adventure where she learned the value of friendship and tolerance and really grew as a person.

    1. Orion Fury

      Well, either that or Mr Tumnus carved her up and is wearing her skin as a disguise to come into our world.

      A bit too dark?

  33. Rambling Idiot

    Has Mary found out how to read human minds? Maybe her demonic mind just couldn’t understand people?

  34. AgentKeen

    Dammit, I’m agreeing with Mary about something…

  35. Tacos

    Why the hell is Mary so damn happy? Did she see she got a high score on Joe’s list while people she hates got a low score or something?

    1. Lizzie

      I can’t help but wonder if she’s reveling in multiple things happening. Billie’s leaving, Ruth’s less powerful, and Roz who is a staunch feminist may be regretting the fact that there is a sex tape of her and a guy that made up a rated “Do List” of girls in her dorm building. But my money is on some unnamed big thing that has yet to be considered. Maybe some politician who aligns with Mary’s spectrum of hate popped up to replace Robin and is gaining speed.

  36. Danni

    why is mary so damn cheery?!

  37. Angel

    I am very concerned

  38. The Mad Academic

    Oh hey there’s that strange urge to punch someone every time I see Mary…

  39. Mr D

    ….She’s getting laid, isn’t she? That’s why she’s so happy.

    1. Sam

      I very much doubt that as I think that would make her act worse and not better.

      1. Mr D

        Well, AFAIK, biologicaly, people tend to be happier after coitus, isn’t that right? Maybe she’s getting laid every 5 minutes.

        1. tyersome

          I’m almost sure that Mary being happy means someone is getting screwed …

        2. Sam

          Biologically? Yes. But if you are doing it for a self-esteem boost or for other reasons besides actual enjoyment there is genuinely a much better chance that the guilt, shame, regret, self-loathing etc. that come crashing down on you afterwards will override it out of existence.

          And I imagine that even if Mary were miraculously getting laid every 5 minutes, her desire to be seen as the MORAL CORE OF THE FLOOR would lead to her aggressively overexplaining herself or reacting overly defensively to everyone ever like they are accusing her of moral crimes when they don’t even know what she thinks they are accusing her of.

        3. Yumi

          Yeah, I generally feel like shit after coitus, so.

          But I don’t know, maybe she’s in love or something. I often smile like an idiot when I’m crushing on someone, so I could see it having this kind of effect on her.

    2. Orion Fury

      Wow, it’s been an hour and this post still exists?

  40. QueerBitch

    Dammit Carla. Must you make me love you and your sass

  41. Mr D

    YET ANOTHER OF MY AWKWARD QUESTIONS :toot:

    So, here’s a thing I believe: Male and Female are purely biological, no way to change that PLEASE KEEP READING
    HOWEVER: Man and Woman is a gender issue, and that is something you have control of. You Can be Male AND a Woman.

    With this informed: Does a post-op Transwoman have to inform her doctor she was born a male? Are there any differences in hormone production that a doctor should be aware of?

    1. Delicious Taffy

      There’s a giant neon TREAD CAREFULLY sign hanging over this area of discussion, friendo. I think maybe you’ve covered parts of your ass, but I can’t be sure.

      That said, I’ve been a little curious about things like this, as well. To phrase it (I hope) a little more tastefully: Do transfolk, before and/or after corrective(?) surgeries/treatments/etc., need to inform their doctor of said…procedures?

      I ask this with the understanding that there are distinct anatomical differences between the two sexes (sexes being considered separate from gender intersex/”hermaphroditic” individuals notwithstanding), which require different, um, attentions, for lack of a better term. I admit, I’m generally ignorant regarding things like medical knowledge and biology, so I apologise if I haven’t quite helped with this.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        God, I hope this doesn’t make me look like a dipshit.

        1. Mr D

          Well, I’ not afraid to look like a dipshit. I know I am. That’s why I ask stuff offa the more educated people here in this comment section.

        2. Delicious Taffy

          Oh, it’s not ignorance I’m worried about showing. One can hardly be expected to just know things like this, after all. What I’m worried about is coming across as malicious or insensitive.

        3. Mr D

          Oh too late for me, I’m on the spectrum [if only slightly], I’ve grown to accept that no matter how much I try, I’m gonna fuck up somewhere and offend people.

          Doesn’t stop me from trying, doing otherwise would be rude.

        4. Halpful

          …

          my first impulse was to suggest pre-emptively apologizing for that, but then I thought: is it really such a good idea to be constantly apologising for something I was born with?

          there’s probably a happy medium somewhere in-between, but, wow the two default options are so very gendered.

          still, when it comes to trans stuff, they have to deal with so much outright *dangerous* gendered BS that acknowledging my inevitable foot-in-mouth moments seems wise.

          and stating your beliefs about the One True Way to use words like “male” and “female” is… offputting. it makes you sound more attached to those beliefs than to learning, which conflicts with your stated goal of learning the answer to a related question.

      2. Derek

        FYI hermaphrodite is archaic, nobody in the queer community uses it anymore and it’s borderline a slur

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Thanks for letting me know. I thought it was a medical term.

        2. thejeff

          It’s more of a biological term – I believe it’s still used for certain species that normally are of both sexes – either simultaneously for some or in others switching as part of their lifecycle.

        3. Yumi

          I’m glad someone let you know– I thought the use of quotation marks might indicate that you already knew it wasn’t proper/acceptable in reference to people, so I didn’t comment on it, but yeah.

      3. Indy

        I’ve always wondered about the fixation on The Surgery(tm). I guess it’s the mystique of something you’re unfamiliar with?

        Anyway, I may be late to the party, but more info never hurt anybody, right?

        First off, not every Trans person gets surgeries, or even hormones. It’s a very personal thing based on what we’re comfortable with, and what we can afford. Transitioning is more than just medical treatment. It can be as simple as a shift in how you present yourself to others, what pronouns you use, etc.

        To answer the doctor question, yes, your doctor would know, because you have to go to them first to get letters of “proven Transness” and recommendations to specialists. (I literally need a doctor’s note every time I change an official document, no joke. I can’t even use photocopies) Medical transition is a very slow and involved process, and it’s not really something I could just go off and do of my own accord. Even TALKING to an endocrinologist about hormones had a six month wait list. I had bloodwork and a followup appointment and I didn’t even take any hormones yet.
        If you’re talking about a new-town-new-doctor scenario, then it’s probably going to come up, either in your medical records, or during the new patient intake survey.

        Two things, though – I think you’re underestimating just how much of a change hormones can have on the body. It’s not just for looks, it shifts your body’s inner workings more towards the intended result. Heck, Cis people have specific hormone balances and needs that their doctors are aware of too. That’s why everyone gets a physical when they see a new doc. It’s not just Trans folks.

        The other thing is, while I understand being curious, it really is a very, very personal thing, and there’s not really much need to know unless you are the doctor of a Trans person.

        Though I guess there is also the matter of “Trans broken arm syndrome,” where a primary care physician blames every single medical issue on hormone replacement therapy, so I could see why someone might be tempted to keep their PCP out of the loop. Ideally someone like that would also be consulting a specialist who knows their exact needs.

        Sorry if this came off as a bit gruff, but I hope it was helpful?

    2. UniqueSnowflake2

      General rule: tell your doctor everything. Ideally your doctor will be more knowledgeable than you about how any part of your physical situation might affect your health.

      1. Yumi

        Of course, when it comes to trans stuff, there’s a huge possibility that that won’t be the case. Ideally you’ll be able to find a trans friendly PCP and you’ll have insurance and this trans friendly PCP will take your insurance, but that’s not always the case, especially depending on where you live.

        Basically I’m pro-being able to tell your doctor things, but damn if that isn’t more difficult for some people than others.

        1. sultryglebe

          That has been a huge problem for a lot of people, though there is starting to be some improvement: https://www.pdxmonthly.com/articles/2017/4/27/oregon-s-first-lgbtq-primary-health-clinic-opens-in-portland

        2. butting

          May or may not apply in all areas, and fallacy-of-generalising-from-a-single-instance and all that, but: after some grief at one doctor, things went well for a friend today after visiting a clinic recommended by the local sexual health clinic.

          If your SHC can’t provide all services (ours does prescriptions but not injections, apparently), they should still be a good contact for finding who the good full-spectrum clinics (and doctors) are.

    3. Yumi

      There are probably people way more qualified to get into answering this question, so I’ll mostly leave it to them. I did want to say that rather than saying things like “she was born a male,” you might say “she was assigned male at birth,” which is abbreviated “AMAB.”
      It might seem like a small thing, and maybe to some people it is, but as a non-binary AFAB person, I certainly prefer the terminology.

      1. Mr D

        Well, I tend to simplify stuff for my own sake [I’m slightly on the spectrum] so I tend to use the words “Male” and “Female” purely biologically, and “Man” and “Woman” as purely gender.

        1. Orion Fury

          It’s those boxes man. They got/get to me too. Hard trying to unlearn 30+ years of things like that. I find it helps to make you a better person, or better representative of who you truly are. Granted, being offensive because you didn’t know better isn’t much of an excuse, but we’re all human in the end.

        2. KPG

          I’m cis, so I can’t speak to your original question, but keep in mind when you talk about male/female on a biological level, it’s still not that clear-cut. Chromosomes aren’t that simple, and most people learn the basic XX=female and XY=male and if no chromosome abnormalities show up in their lives, they can die thinking they’re one or the other and never know they had an extra X or Y. That’s not even touching on the scary invasive shit that can get done to intersex babies that those people don’t always get informed about when they’re older.

          There’s a good article from the Globe that details some specific conditions: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/think-gender-comes-down-to-x-and-y-chromosomes-think-again/article24811543/

        3. Indy

          AFAB/AMAB really is the way to go, like Yumi said. It’s also simpler in the long run, because you won’t have to constantly explain your intentions. Even the “I’m just using the medical term” route has been abused by folks who make it feel insulting, even if your own intentions are wholly pure.

          Also, it makes me feel like a cool robot when I get to use the acronym.

      2. Vivid Grim

        another afab nb person!

        1. Yumi

          Yes, I was just gonna comment on your post below and be like *agender AFAB high five*

        2. XMS

          heck yes, same here

          :high fives all around:

        3. boop

          afab agender nb reporting in .o7
          *brings donuts for all*
          i’m so happy, day before yesterday was my birthday and yesterday i got my first binder
          now oobies are optional \o/

        4. Yumi

          I remember when I got my first binder. I put it on and almost immediately got stuck in it. I managed to get free after a bit, though.
          Then that might I wore it when I went to this event at my school, and a friend of mine chest bumped me (it was a thing she did). She was like, “Wait, what happened to your boobs?”
          “I, uh…put them away…” I responded awkwardly.

        5. boop

          bwahaha X3

    4. Vivid Grim

      i mean generally you should tell your doctor stuff, but assuming this hypothetical trans woman has 1) had both an orchiectomy and a vaginoplasty
      and 2) has been on estrogen a reasonable amount of time, her hormone levels will likely be virtually identical to that of an average cis woman, or a cis woman who’s been through menopause/is taking estrogen for some other reason. this hypothetical woman would really only need to disclose that she’s taking estrogen for Reasons and that she has a prostate that needs to be occasionally checked up on, if she wants to be stealth, imo.

      disclaimer: not a trans woman myself (agender and afab), friends with loads + have done lots of reading and resource finding for transfem folks

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Wow, can doctors really get trans people that close to a cis person’s hormone levels and anatomy? If I didn’t misread your message, that’s seriously impressive.

        1. Vivid Grim

          i mean, that’s the entire point of srs and hrt. as i said above, she’d still need to let her doc know that her body isn’t producing estrogen on her own and that she’s taking supplements, b/c as with cis women in identical situations, there may be an increased risk of blood clots. and if she chooses to stop taking the estrogen, an increased risk of osteoporosis.

        2. Delicious Taffy

          Not sure if this is the best way to word it, but I kinda had an impression that hormones and such weren’t nearly that effective. You just busted that impression wide open, my friend.

        3. Mr D

          You see? This is why I like to make my awkward questions. Yeah, I come out looking like an ignorant fool or even bigoted, but at the end of the day, we all come out knowing a little more.

    5. Sam

      I would say it DEPENDS on EXACTLY what your health is like and what you need to see the doctor FOR.

      Like, if it is just for refills of common medications where it is the same dosage for all adults and you’re in good health, don’t need surgery etc. then no.

      If you need medications where the dosage relies on physical sex at all or you need surgeries, then absolutely, yes. ESPECIALLY FOR SURGERIES AND EMERGENCY ROOM VISITS – anesthetics for instance are less effective on biological females so an AMAB (assigned male at birth) would likely receive too much if they did not disclose.

      1. Mr D

        Wait, how would you do that for the ER? A bracelet? I assume you’d be unconscious upno entering the ER

        1. Yumi

          You are often not unconscious when entering the ER. I’ve never known anyone to have a medical bracelet about this. Again ideally, it’d be in your record somewhere and someone would think to look. Alternatively your emergency contact or someone who was with you could inform them.

    6. Halpful

      I’m just gonna drop this wonderful resource in here again: http://assignedmale.tumblr.com/

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but it didn’t seem to answer any of the various questions I have. If anything, the comic seems to paint question-askers as malicious invaders of privacy.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Are there any resources or message boards that actually answer questions, without the implication that these things should be self-evident?

        2. Delicious Taffy

          Like, I’ve got a shitload of questions about non-cis stuff, and no idea where I can ask them without being implicityly shamed for not already knowing.

        3. Indy

          As much as I love Assigned Male, I’d say it’s purpose is really more of a venting ground for Trans folks who get frustrated after hearing the same questions over and over. (Not blaming folks for not knowing, just saying sometimes you get tired of having the same conversation so many times in a given day.) It’s meant to be cathartic.

        4. Halpful

          did you just read today’s comic, or the whole archive?

        5. Halpful

          iirc it doesn’t do much direct answering of questions – instead, it shows the perspective of kids growing up trans, and how those questions can be frustrating and painful for them, and along the way sort of shifted my perspective such that I didn’t have as many questions.

          I suppose it might require more ability to pick up subtext than you’ve developed yet, though. so, once you’ve read it (or at least gotten through the first few dozen comics) I could try to explain things that still don’t make sense 🙂

        6. Delicious Taffy

          I read about 40-ish strips, not sure where they place in the order, since I didn’t look for numbers. Also not sure if that’s enough to get the whole comic, but I’m not about to do an archive crawl on yet another webcomic, since I’m already following about a dozen as it is.

          See, my entire thing is that I need to ask questions so I know the answers. That’s how it’s always been, and I think it’d be weird if I drew the line at non-cisgendered topics, because I’ve never been one to intentionally avoid questions that cover things outside my personal experience. The comic showing the perspective of trans kids is fine and all, but if it doesn’t answer any of my questions, it’s not a helpful resource. Most of the questions I have are of a…I wanna say “scientific”, but maybe “functional”(?) sort of nature.

          Again, personal perspectives are great for establishing context and all, but I’m after cold, hard facts, if that makes any sense. Things like “What are doctor visits like?”, “How many [X] are into this hobby I enjoy, particularly in my region?”, or “What’s the sex like?”. Now, I understand that at least two of those examples are very personal in nature, but I’ve never really expected someone who wasn’t comfortable answering to be the one to tell me.

          I guess the biggest question I have is this. How can I find a message board, forum, chat site, or in-person discussion group that can provide helpful answers to my more specific questions? There are things I could Google, sure, but then there are things that are way too abstract/esoteric for me to even begin to know how to put them in a search bar. And even if I know how to word something, a link to some site with a static result is always less helpful than having a conversation with an actual person with the knowledge and experience.

        7. Halpful

          ah. my intention was for you to click the “first” link, and start reading in order. I forget not everyone feels compelled to do that.

          the thing about questions is, they always contain assumptions, and when it comes to trans issues, society has fed us so many messed-up assumptions that the questions come out at about the level of “have you stopped beating your wife yet?”

          so, trying to directly answer the question just doesn’t *work*. you have to unpack the assumptions first, until the person has enough of the basics to formulate a question that can be answered.

          reading the comic, the whole comic, should give you most of those basics, while also being entertaining enough to stay interesting.

          the comic does show some doctor visits… the two questions after that do seem to have uncomfortable assumptions but explaining those are hard and I’m running low on words for the day… the last question… well, have you tried reddit? but, consider that in wanting specific answers to specific questions, you’re asking other people to do the work of sifting through resources and summarizing nicely for you, people who have a lot on their plate already just staying safe. the comic was written as an alternative to that, and you don’t want to read the comic because it’s not spoon-feedy enough for you, and that’s kinda not a great look.

          like… why do you want answers to these questions, anyways? most of those aren’t the kind of questions that help you be a better ally. they’re the kind that sate your curiosity, the kind that benefit only you.

        8. Delicious Taffy

          Who says I want anything “spoon-fed” to me? There’s a difference between looking for specific information and expecting everything to be handed to me on a silver platter. What I’m talking about is a place I can go to have actual conversations with real trans people, and ask them about their lives, so I can learn and expand my mind.

          You’re telling me I have “assumptions” about things, before I even have the chance to ask about anything. The only assumption I have is that transfolk have lived entirely separate lives from what I’ve lived, with entirely separate circumstances. That’s just objectively true, and I don’t see why it’s a problem for me to acknowledge it, just on a base level.

          Like, I’ve never experienced dysphoria, or gone through any sort of transition, or had anything to come out to anyone about. Those are objective facts, and all I’m interested in here is learning more about people who have. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeking knowledge for its own sake, especially when that knowledge can help people relate to and understand each other.

          You ask why I want answers to certain questions in the first place, and as you’ve pointed out, most of the examples I gave wouldn’t necessarily help me be a better ally. And yes, these sorts of questions are the kind that would sate my own curiosity and, if you want to spin it that way, benefit only me. But, as I’ve said, there’s nothing wrong with seeking knowledge for the sake of knowledge. And it’s not like (just as a random example) finding out how many transfolk in Illinois enjoy Dungeons & Dragons is going to lower my capacity to be supportive and helpful to the transfolk I meet.

          Basically, I just don’t understand why asking questions has to be a problem, if I can find someone willing to answer them. I’m not looking for someone to compile links to what other people have to say about transfolk, I’m looking for places I can talk to and interact with actual transfolk. Sure, some of my questions may seem strange, on the surface, but I can absolutely promise you that not one of them is based in some sort of assumption that can’t be traced back to an objective fact, tied directly to the very existence of transfolk.

          If there weren’t differences, I’d just be talking to another low-income, cishet, white guy with nerdy hobbies. And where’s the growth in that? How would I be learning anything about other people from that? I wouldn’t, and I don’t appreciate being told that trying to expand my knowledge is an inherently bad thing. I could read a webcomic about it, sure, and I’ll probably check out more of it when I have less comics to follow overall. Or, I could find a place to have conversations with people who have lived these experiences.

          All I’m after is a place I can connect to a certain variety (and I do understand that “transfolk” is a relatively-broad term that includes people from all walks of life), and if you aren’t inclined to point me in that direction, that’s absolutely fine. Just don’t tell me I’m wrong for wanting to learn. That’s the sort of thing that keeps people afraid to even try to learn.

        9. thejeff

          Don’t take this the wrong way, Taffy, but saying something like “not one of them is based in some sort of assumption that can’t be traced back to an objective fact in anything like this context is a huge warning sign that those questions are in fact coming from a background of unexamined assumptions. It’s a topic you claim to not know much about. In that situation, it’s almost impossible to not start with such assumptions.
          I know I did. The trick is being aware of it. Not being aware of it means that you’re not as likely to react well when the assumptions you’re treating as objective fact are challenged.

          Beyond that, you’re demanding a place where you can quiz transfolk about their lives, rather than looking for existing resources that might answer your questions. Nothing wrong with trying to expand your knowledge, it’s how you want to go about it. Maybe start with doing the basic research on your own – there are books by transpeople. There are sites about transpeople. There is in fact a nice entertaining webcomic you were pointed to.
          If those talk about things other than the questions you want answered, there may be a reason for it and it may be rooted in those unexamined assumptions.

          Places on line where transfolk gather tend to be for mutual support, not to indulge curious cisfolk. Still, I’ve learned a lot just in the comments in this comic – but more by reading what they say than by questioning them.

        10. Halpful

          I’m assuming you have assumptions because a) you live on planet earth and b) you ask questions that, while not as problematic as those of Mr D, still feel like questions someone who’s shed those assumptions wouldn’t ask.

          it’s surprisingly hard to talk about this without sounding like an ass. :/ sorry.
          I agree that it sucks to discourage people from learning, but at the same time it sucks when people try to learn at the expense of the feelings of the people they’re trying to learn about. even when it’s entirely unintentional and they couldn’t have known better.

          hopefully someone else can explain better… I was pretty much in your position before reading that comic, and arrrgh it sucks to not be able to explain it properly. 🙁

        11. Yumi

          For what it’s worth, Halpful, I thought your reply made some really good points.

          Taffy, I’m not sure what to make of the statement, “The only assumption I have is that transfolk have lived entirely separate lives from what I’ve lived, with entirely separate circumstances.” That seems like a pretty huge assumption, at least with the way it’s phrased. Yes, being trans impacts the lens you see and interact with the world through, but…so do lots of things? And it impacts different people differently. Unless you mean something like “everyone has different lived experiences, and some differ various amounts along this axis of oppression”… I don’t know, I don’t consider myself trans, but I don’t consider myself cis either (a lot of people I know would consider me under the trans umbrella, but it’s a whole thing for me). Just, I don’t know if not being cis alone makes my life “entirely separate” or of “entirely separate circumstances.”

        12. Delicious Taffy

          I think there’s something very important I’ve failed to convey, here. The feelings of the people I’d be talking to would always be in consideration. I’m not remotely talking about just bombarding people with quizzes and demands for answers in their places of safety. The sort of place I’m after is a site or board specifically for people to have these sorts of conversations.

          When I say my assumptions are based in objective facts, I’m talking about things like transfolk having different experiences to my own, which… Well, they have. I’m not trans, so that’s an objective difference.

          I’m not demanding links to safe spaces so I can invade and pester everyone. I’m trying to ask if anyone knows somewhere specifically built for the sort of questions I might have. All I’m getting is accusations of the former, and I need that to stop, because it’s not what I’m doing. Hopefully, this has clarified what I’m trying to say. If nobody knows of such a board or site, then that’s totally fine. I’ll try looking around elsewhere, it’s not a problem.

          But if I’m met with this same backlash everywhere, I’m going to eventually wind up discouraged from even trying to learn about the topic.

        13. Yumi

          I’m personally happy to talk and answer any questions you may have that relate to my own experience, but I get the feeling I may not be the kind of non-cis person you’re looking for.

          Also, if what you’ve experienced here constitutes significant backlash for you…I’d be worried about how you’d engage in these spaces you’re seeking. Granted, a lot of the comments haven’t been coming from trans people themselves, and maybe if they were you’d respond differently.

          I don’t know anywhere that’s really set up for what you’re looking for, and I really can see a lot of reasons why it might not really be around, but if I come across one– and I do spend a lot of time in LGBTQ+ spaces, so I might– I’ll let you know.

        14. Indy

          Educating yourself is great, but I think it’s also important to ask yourself why these particular questions matter to you. It all seems like very personal, body-oriented stuff, and there’s more to the Trans experience to learn than just that. You could start by looking up terms every time you come across one you don’t know. Or browse here: https://www.glaad.org/publications/series/transgender

          I know I mentioned Kat Blaque in another comment, but Alex Bertie is another Trans youtuber that I like.

          You could find educational bloggers and youtubers, or read books like Janet Mock’s. “Gender outlaws” may be a little outdated but it’s got a lot of personal stories in it. By all means, seek to educate yourself. But realize that there’s a lot for you to learn outside of zeroing in on Trans bodies. There’s also just stuff that, like you said, you’ve never experienced, and you probably won’t ever “get it” any more than I’d know exactly what it feels like to be you.

          Anyway, I’m sure if you work outward from those leads, you’ll find plenty more resources as well.

      2. Indy

        Heck yes this comic!

  42. Fart Captor

    I really love Billie and Carla’s expressions here. Also Billie and Carla.

    However I do not approve AT ALL of how I’ve been made – against my will – to find Mary to be super adorable here. She’s up to something and I won’t stand for it >:[

  43. Ryek Hvek

    Why isn’t Mary organizing a protest against Blowjob Cat?

    1. Delicious Taffy

      It’s right by an elementary school, right? I doubt she’s allowed to be within 500 feet of one.

    2. Joe Covenant

      :::Willis scribbles down future plot:::

      🙂

    3. Fart Captor

      She would have to admit to having sufficiently dirty thoughts to see it as looking at all sexual, and as we all know Mary is the Most Chaste and Pure, so she couldn’t POSSIBLY know of such things

  44. The Lurker

    Choclate Cronuts for the win!

    1. Deanatay

      CORRECT.

      (Altho Cream-filled is better)

  45. Keulan

    Happy, seemingly nice Mary is creeping me out immensely.

  46. Tenzhi

    Cake doughnuts aren’t even dough. They should call them batternuts.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      I think there’s probably a reason that they’re not.

  47. Enya

    Did this doppelgänger even bother to understand Mary before killing her and assuming her form?

    1. EvilMidnightLurker

      Doppelgängers can only read, what, 90% of any given person’s mind? Maybe this one missed the really important 10%.

  48. C.T Phipps

    Mary’s transformation must be due to EVIL.

    1. StClair

      or a helm of opposite alignment.

      1. C.T Phipps

        Mary has been angelically possessed! It rarely happens but evil was so great it needed to be opposed by good!

  49. Larkle

    I have no theories on what’s happening with Mary. No matter what Willis decides to do with it will surprise me.

  50. Raen

    I think Billie’s been watching too much Rick and Morty.

    1. Orion Fury

      Perhaps she ended up playing Troy.

  51. timemonkey

    Maybe Mary got laid?

  52. Raen

    Also, they’re called “old fashioned.” A pox on ye and your postvocalic R’s.

    1. Moose

      Old-fashioned are cake, yes, but they’re a specific shape. They’re a ring with a raised ledge on the inner rim. There are other cake doughnuts that resemble the standard inner tube shape.

      1. Cmd1095

        also cake donuts are a literal thing
        http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Entenmanns-Donut-Shoppe-Party-Sprinkled-Iced-Donuts.jpg

  53. Cypherfox

    Why is Mary not wearing her armbands? I thought they were like…a permanent part of her.

    1. JessWitt

      They must have been the source of her contempt and unlikability. Some brave soul removed them and *presto* Bizarro-Mary.

      1. inqntrol

        Would be better if they were destroyed, that way Mary won’t return to being a bongo.

        1. C.T Phipps

          The armbands of Sauron were cast into a volcano. With that, Mary returned to her Pre-Gollum state.

        2. butting

          … until the mystery of Bizarrely Friendly Mary has been solved, I am fully on board with the notion you’re hinting at here of calling her Smeagol.

    2. BBCC

      Nah, we’ve seen her without them a few times.

      1. DailyBrad

        I forget if she had them on when Billie barged into Mary’s room when she was in just her panties, super early on in DoA.

  54. Moose

    Cake doughnuts are good, but I’ll only eat chocolate-covered old-fashioned or waffle. All of the others I eat are raised or filled.

    1. Orion Fury

      Waffle Donuts?

      1. Deanatay

        Yah, make donut batter, fry it in a waffle iron. Not bad, but I prefer cronuts.

  55. Varius

    Doughnuts are fried.

  56. Varius

    G…and This might not be Mary?

  57. ESM

    The smile in panel four gives the game away.

    Mary is acting super nice because it’s freaking everyone else out and making them uncomfortable. It’s a con!

    1. thejeff

      Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. It’s subtle, but I think it’s there.

      What the end game is, isn’t clear yet. There’s probably something beyond the immediate freaking people out part.

  58. Jinxed44

    She never stops.
    We love it. We hate it.
    She just stays like this.
    No explanation.
    That’s the joke.

    1. Scar Man!!!

      Swell poem, friend

    2. OBBWG

      Was that a legit Walku or did you make it up yourself? Either way, very nice.

    3. Jinxed44

      I sort of meant it to be poetic but didn’t consider it a poem.
      Thanks. ^^

      1. Jinxed44

        Whats a walku?

  59. C.T Phipps

    I’m still going with the idea Mary is ecstatic because Ryan is in a coma and she was one of his victims.

    1. Tenzhi

      Ah, so it’s a niche theory, then.

    2. Shan

      I thought that too, I’m surprised more people aren’t considering that.

      1. thejeff

        It’s been going around.

        I don’t think that’s a place Willis would go. I’ve been wrong before though.

    3. PlainMarie

      Yes! That theory makes sense to me also. Maybe she knew him through Sunday school, and he had been abusing her??? Or he sexually assaulted her, and she didn’t tell anyone, taking on the blame and shame of it herself rather than reporting it?
      Any if the arm bands are involved, maybe she had been cutting herself to relieve the stress of an earlier experience with Ryan? That’s all I’ve got.

  60. Tenzhi

    Odd, random thought: what if Mary was a victim whose vitriol was rooted in pent up helplessness and rage, but now her attacker has gotten some (perhaps prayed for) comeuppance…

    …or maybe Ruth has been slipping her some meds.

  61. C.T Phipps

    It’s actually Mary’s identical twin sister, Terry, who is taking her twin’s place in college for the week as they practice for their job at Quantico.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      People who give their twins rhyming names are just begging to raise perpetual bullying victims.

      1. Yumi

        It’s actually Mary’s identical twin sister, who is also named Mary. Their parents thought it was a good name

        1. Delicious Taffy

          I think the ancient Greeks used to stone people for shit like this.

        2. Reltzik

          No way. You’re thinking ancient Israelites. The ancient Greeks would probably go for a sort of bloodless crucifixion that was essentially strangulation.

        3. NotPiffany

          That’s the Romans.

        4. Reltzik

          Roman crucifixion was far from bloodless.

        5. C.T Phipps

          Like George Foreman’s kids, George.

        6. StClair

          “… and she named them all ‘Dave’.”

        7. hof1991

          My great grandfather was named Andrew (Andreas) and so was his younger brother. They bother left Germany and moved to Madison, Wisconsin.

          In his region of Germany, you were named after your godfather, which led to a lot of people with about three first names. Serious, the village is still full of Andreas, Johann and Heinrich. Same was true of the women, but one of the three names is Kundegunda.

          Makes genealogy a real adventure.

    2. Fart Captor

      If she were Mary’s twin sister, she’d have to be very oblivious to not experience some kind of trauma from spending most of her life living with essentially a monstrously evil version of herself.

      Maybe that’s what led her to snap, murder Mary, and take her place

  62. C.T Phipps

    Mind you on a serious note: Billy and Ruth seem to have been of the mind Mary has to be evil 100% of the time, which doesn’t happen in real life. It can feel like it but evil is when you do evil in addition to the rest of your life. Mind you, why she’s being nice to THESE two is questionable.

    So I’m still going with the idea she’s been replaced by Laura Palmer’s ghost having escaped from the Black Lodge.

  63. PapayaPunkPixie

    I prefer cake donuts and I resent sharing this sentiment with Mary

  64. Rukduk

    Mary’s scaring me in panels 2 and 4. Also, for panel 4: did you forget what happened between you and Carla Mary? Like, what’s going on here? You hate Carla, and Carla justly hates you back. Did the pie to the face slowly start messing with your mind over a period of a couple weeks or something? Are you high? Are you euphoric because Ryan got caught and you were a victim? Why are you so happy and, seemingly, nice?!?!?

  65. Orion Fury

    Now here’s a theory, though I expect it may be challenging to accept, but what if, and hear me out her, Mary’s “evilness” is due to some kinda of low-blood sugar/inverted celiac disease thing? Granted, we’re not in the Walkyverse here, so probably not, but still.

    1. brasca1

      Could be. Or maybe she was off her medication. My uncle was a completely different person when he wasn’t taking his lithium.

    2. Delicious Taffy

      Get that girl some insulin and gluten, and keep it comin’.

  66. BenRG

    Mary, seriously, do you know how much bacteria you can spread around by sharing food? Your offer, assuming it was made in sincerity, is kind in a strange way but it was really not about to do Billie and Carla any favours!

    1. Sam

      Sharing food with other people, unless they are actively sick at that moment, is not going to make you sick or cause harm, it will literally just share around your different friendly mouth bacteria. It is not any more dangerous than kissing someone.

      Bacteria are not inherently evil or going to make you sick just because they are bacteria.

      1. BenRG

        Maybe not but it doesn’t make me any happier about doing it if I don’t have to! Blech!

        1. Jinxed44

          Here in Ecuador, like 5 kids will literally share a lolipop.
          You get used to it pretty quick.
          Its kind of a pleasant counter to the lack of a sense of community we often see in US culture.

      2. Halpful

        actually, people can have a contagious infection for several days before they start to show symptoms. that’s part of why the common cold is so damn common. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incubation_period

  67. brasca1

    In all the eagerness to find out what Amber did to Ryan and who stole Joe’s list I completely forgot about why Mary is acting this way.

    1. BenRG

      I still say that she’s in love.

  68. Koms

    Hmm…2nd panel Mary looks like she’s holding something .
    Is she happy that Billie is leaving?
    She must be baked if otherwise.
    1st panel Mary looks a bit like Joyce???

  69. White Rice

    Huh, nobody talking about the snake/venom/poison comment. I only mention it because…
    1) there’s only 1 known poisonous variety of snake
    2) venom has to be injected/get directly to the blood to have an effect
    3) you could ingest most snake venom without any issues (so long as you didn’t have any wounds/bleeding in you mouth…I’m not advising anyone to drink snake venom)

    Okay, that all aside, happy Mary is terrifying as all hell. I really don’t want to know what the ace up her sleeve is.

    1. Jinxed44

      Whats the poisonous snake??

      1. White Rice

        As funny as it is, it’s a species of garter snake that lives in the Pacific Northwest. It’s only a portion of the population, that lives where they primarily prey on some highly toxic newts. from what I read, the snakes already had a residence to the newt poison (which is effectively the same toxin as in pufferfish/blowfish) so, as nature does, the newts kept getting more poisonous to try & stay alive, and the snakes kept becoming more resistant to the poison. After eating the newts, the toxin stays in the system of the snake (especially the liver, as that’s what it’s there for) and makes the snakes meat quite poisonous.

        So, it is poisonous due to diet, but poisonous all the same (and trying to verify that info was infuriating, as the internet, despite having all of human knowledge right there, still doesn’t differentiate between venomous & poisonous more often than not)

  70. Reltzik

    It’s yellow-cake, isn’t it?

    And Mary’s immune because she’s already radioactive?

    1. Scar Man!!!

      Waking
      to ash and dust

  71. Black Bumblebee

    What if… the donuts are making her high…?

    Nope… too simple. Mary’s got an evil plan of some sort. Don’t trust it / her… gah!

    1. Delicious Taffy

      She didn’t get the donut from Joe. It’s a speed edible.

      Is that a thing? Do people bake non-weed drugs into food?

      1. Reltzik

        Yes.

  72. Sev

    Maybe Mary decided that actually, she would like to get along with people/be liked, and thinks this is the best way to go about it?

    1. Delicious Taffy

      These crockpot theories have to stop. Why would a teenage college girl want people to like her? This is “Jewish reptoids are giving our parakeets gender dysphoria so we’ll buy more peanut butter” levels of madness, right now.

  73. Jhon

    Reverse psychology. Mary is offering a yummy treat that she knows will be refused.

  74. C.T Phipps

    New Theory: Mary wants to break Rachel. To destroy her worldview and shatter it into tiny pieces. So she’s brainwashed herself with the Death Note into being a good person. The only way to destroy someone who believes in no redemption is to be redeemed.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Oh, come on. If Mary had a Death Note, there would be a lot less characters in this comic.

    2. Yumi

      My theory: This is the real Mary we’re seeing. That deeply unpleasant person from previous points in the comic? That was all part of a social experiment that Mary was carrying out. Admittedly it got a little out of hand.

      1. C.T Phipps

        Mary DID have a death note but she used it all in 2016. Yes, that was the reason and we can hate her THAT much more.

  75. Anowan

    This idea has probably been brought up before, but I’m starting to get a feeling, here :

    Mary is nice because she doesn’t care about what she did to Carla and Ruth. She isn’t emotionnally attached to these acts of bullying, so she can pretend nothing happened. And my bet is that she’s doing this in order to make the dorm “on her side” again. Remember when no one listened to her ? This is the act of someone who wants to make friends in order to be listened. I’ve never been in the social environment of an American church, but I’ve seen others here explain that she basically acts like the “church queen bee” ? She needs bees on her side before she can get back to bullying.

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      Except no one, hopefully, is buying that act of hers.

      1. Reltzik

        No one is buying the act on Week 1.

        Come Week 20…

        1. Eldritch Gentleman

          Repeat the lie enough and it becomes the truth…

    2. thejeff

      That’s probably the most plausible theory I’ve heard yet.

    3. Andrew_C

      This seems the most plausible explanation.

    4. Fart Captor

      I dunno, I’ve seen invested bullying plenty, and that usually looks more like Mike’s behavior. Opportunistic, targeting whoever’s convenient when he gets bored.

      Mary has seemed to me to be VERY invested, especially given her “now you have something to lose” comment to Billie when Ruth got back from the hospital, and the way she tried to get Billie to “give her Carla” to torment when it looked like Ruth would be out of a job.

      If she’s not quietly holding a grudge and plotting something I’ll be incredibly shocked.

      1. thejeff

        True. I was thinking more of the church queen bee trying to win back support aspect.

        The targets will likely remain the same.

  76. Eldritch Gentleman

    We need to get to the bottom of this… maybe it’s some kind of Hate Plague but Mary was already so full of hate that minus and minus combined into plus…

  77. VeryCreativeUsername

    Could those eyes hide evil?

  78. spoopyfox

    maybe she’s pulling a mike and is incredibly drunk right now

  79. CoMa

    …
    there are CAKE donuts??? What the heck?
    …
    But after the Cronut-thing I shouldn’t be surprised about any kind of food-fusions, I suppose

    And other than that: maybe Mary is indeed happy that Ryan has been locked away? Or she’s just happy about Billy having to leave the building? I don’t know, I can’t think of any other possible things that could make her that happy, unless her also plotting something (because interacting with Carla like that cannot be due to a change that fast. Unless her faith changed or she’s come to the conclusion that anyone else will suffer in hell anyway and that’s why she’s like that…)

    1. Reltzik

      Yes, there are cake donuts.

    2. Yumi

      Some people really need to catch up on their donut discourse.

  80. Oberon

    No, French cruller doughnuts are the best kind. They combine the best features of a glazed doughnut with a doughnut that is half air and therefore has zero calories. Nom nom nom!

    And fuck cake doughnuts anyway! All dry and mealy, I tried dunking one once but all I got was a glass full of powdered milk and a cake doughnut. FML

  81. BenRG

    Just how many white suits does Mary have? She’s been wearing that suit for at least two in-universe days now! I’m starting to wonder if she’s bleached all her clothes white.

    Either that or (and this is pure Walkyverse-level crazy fantasy) she’s dead and, as in many TV shows, the most visible outcome of this change in status is all her clothing has turned pure white.

    1. hof1991

      Chekov’s clothes? Nothing that Willis has to draw is there without a reason.

      Maybe she just was made a junior pastor at her local church and is dressing in white as a signal of that promotion / status? Smiling at sinners and offering them food is a very youth pastor type thing. Maybe she’s replaced Ryan as youth pastor? Or assistant youth pastor, since she is a student and not on any payroll.

    2. DinaWho

      She’s only been wearing this outfit since the current chapter/day started, as far as I can recall.
      She did wear another white outfit back in The Whiteboard Ding-Dong Bandit, though.

  82. CianM1301

    …I sense a disturbance in the Force.

    1. BenRG

      Begun these Donut Wars have; the light of nutritious food we will not see again in our generation.

  83. Jimmy

    Devil’s food donuts are the best. That is all.

  84. Aprion

    if only it WAS poisoned.

  85. Dang Fool

    My theory: Mary got laid.

    Mary engaged in pre-marital hanky-panky, discovered she liked it and has forgotten her evil plan.

    That is my theory, it is mine and belongs to me, and I own it and what it is, too.

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      The question is, how long will the afterglow last and what will happen when the full weight of SIN drops on her shoulders like the Dinosaur killer asteroid did on the dinos.

    2. hof1991

      I am guessing the opposite. She has been confirmed in her views and is confident enough now to be nice to the poor souls that will soon be suffering in hell. She has found an anti-gay group to pal around with and is wearing white as a signal of her purity and goodness. Thus, a smile and outwardly godly behavior. Bless her heart.

  86. Krylani

    That’s not powdered sugar on that donut. That’s iocain.

    1. White Rice

      Wait, does that mean Mary’s a Sicilian, or that she’s the Dread Pirate Roberts?

  87. Reltzik

    On the bright side, at least Billie and Carla are able to stop engaging in their mutual hate/guilt cycle long enough to hate on a common enemy.

  88. WikiDreamer

    Wait a minute…she said cake is “the best kind”.
    *facepalm* Son of bongo, she’s having her cake and eating it too. THAT’S why she’s so insufferably happy
    She thinks that by Billie moving out and Ruth being outed that in her warped mind she WON….FUCK that bongo is evil.

    1. WikiDreamer

      “Son of a bongo”
      “FUCK that bongo is evil.”
      Damned auto-correct, of all words, bongo? Bongo?! Since when am I Lars of the Stars?!

      1. NotPiffany

        This sight replaces a well-known gendered insult that equates female humans with dogs with “bongo.” Always has. Willis likes it that way.

        1. Kamino Neko

          Not always. Just since an arc where it was thrown around way, way over-liberally in reference to Roz.

        2. NotPiffany

          Ah, thank you. “As long as I’ve been reading the comments,” then.

      2. Scar Man!!!

        Actually, that’s a feature of the site. Willis is not a fan of gendered insults like that, so he humorously censors them

        1. davidbreslin101

          Have to admit, the first time I saw “bongo” here I thought it was a /racist/ insult, thanks to old stereotypes about “savages banging on bongos.”

      3. MightyPinto

        It’s not auto-correct, it’s a filter put in response to a certain polarizing strip.

        1. Scar Man!!!

          Which strip?

        2. thejeff

          Way back in gender class where Roz called Joyce out for being the same kind of Christian she was now condemning for attacking LGBT folks, leading to everyone storming out of class.

        3. dn3s

          huh, knowing about the existence of that filter just made me lose respect for a bunch of commentors who i thought were just being quirky :/

        4. thejeff

          I’d guess that about half the uses of “bongo” at this point are actually people typing bongo. I’ve started using it at other sites.

          And then there’re all the references to percussion instruments and the like.

        5. dn3s

          true. damn, plausible deniability! now none of y’all bongos will know what i actually said here!

  89. Arioch

    Okay, on the donut thing, at the risk of true heresy – donuts are kinda meh…. Never been a big fan of either kind, so more for the rest of you. Enjoy!

    About Mary…. I am more convinced than ever that she was one of not-Ryan’s victims. And, I think another shoe will drop. I think that more information will come out. I bet he took pictures of his more or less woozy, knocked out, unable to fight back victims – the ones who may not have been conscious. I think he took Mary’s picture after he raped her.
    So, yeah, I think Mary might be a bit broken. I think she was broken all along, but now she thinks everything is fixed. She doesn’t know the half of it. It still doesn’t excuse any of her shit from before, but I think Willis may be setting her up for a redemption arc or something….
    Either that or he is REALLY fucking with us.

  90. Hescotti

    Mary is doing what she only threatened to do before, under the guise of being a concerned citizen. Even if other folks believe there was blackmail:
    1. It is irrelevant if a crime or violation of the rules is occurring and
    2. No proof.

    1. Fart Captor

      No, it’s still blackmail if even if you’re blackmailing someone who’s committed a crime by threatening to report said crime.

    2. Sam

      It is still blackmail even if you are blackmailing someone that committed a crime or broke a rule. Blackmail is still blackmail no matter what the blackmail is for or of as long as you are leveraging it over someone to emotionally trap them into feeling like they must do what you say or consequences.

  91. BP

    SHE HAS MONO AND GETS SUPER-NICE WHEN TIRED

    CALLING IT NOW

  92. Andrew_C

    I don’t know why Mary is so cheerful in general, but I suspect the particular reason Mary is cheerful about donuts is this is the last one, and she’s rubbing that fact in their face as she know no-one will want to share it with her.

  93. LordHaw

    I agree with Mary on cake doughnuts. They are the best kind. Of course these are the old fashioned style doughnuts that I remember having as a kid and have made for my own family too. I know there are literal cake doughnuts too and I’ve tried those and love them too.

    Too bad I can’t eat them anymore…gluten intolerant. I get horribly sick to my stomach eating anything with wheat flour these days 🙁

  94. sarpiedon

    as I forgot to put an apostrophe in the word Dosen’t…

    1. sarpiedon

      and misspelled doesn’t… >:(

  95. BenRG

    Today, I learned that in the eternal battle of cake vs. pie, I am a pie man. When searching for today’s comic, I typed ‘pies’ instead of ‘cake’ into the search bar. A little Freudian Slip, methinks!

  96. Vulcanodon

    I normally like cake donuts or crullers. But there was this one bakery that produced glazed donuts that were just amazing. They went out of business due to poor management, or I would have had a heart attack many years ago. Anyway it apparently depends who makes the donut.

  97. Emperor Daniel

    It’s possible to phrase a question as a statement, in which case it isn’t necessary to end it with a question mark.

  98. Kelli217

    …does Joe’s list out Carla? Or Billie+Ruth? Or both? That’s pretty much a big portion of the list of the few things I can think of that would make Mary this happy.

  99. Makkabee

    Cake donuts ARE the best. Just goes to show that no one, even Mary, is wrong about everything.

  100. Cerberus

    Comic Reactions:

    Okay, this feels like it’s confirming that there’s a negative motivation and manipulation behind Mary’s actions.

    Though I could be wrong on that. I mean, her eyebrows and eyes seem genuine unlike what she managed in previous times she’s play-acted nice and it’s possible she’s going through a thing that’s made her re-evaluate how she’s treating others and repairing the damage her bigoted actions have had on her standing and reputation in the hall.

    But I find myself intensely skeptical because of the approach here. She’s offering a half-eaten donut to people she’s actively hurt and even attempted to kill in the past. And yet she approaches here with an intimacy you would only have with close friends. Friendly acquaintances don’t typically share half-eaten food with each other.

    And it just smacks of a situation where she’s trying to publicly perform a close relationship without doing any of the hard work of apologizing and building a genuine connection with the folks she’s hurt and trying to use social pressure that it’s wrong to blow up at a person being “nice” to force Carla and Billie to react more positive to neutral compared to the actions Mary has committed against them and thus lower their defenses.

    Now, this might be my own biases. My family did a lot of “playing happy families” as a tactic, using timed civility to make my desire to talk about the latest round of abuse from them as some sort of inappropriate rudeness and try and force a reconciliation and lowering of my defenses they didn’t earn. And some members did it deliberately to try and keep me on the hook of trying to reconcile with them so they could continue to hurt me or try and angle me to reparative therapy.

    And it seems heavily unlikely that Mary is unaware of social convention given her slavish devotion to the normative. On top of that, her blindness to negative responses wouldn’t fit a genuine change of heart or someone bad at social interactions.

    Like, someone who felt they fucked up and wanted to make things right would follow up Carla’s “Fuck No” with an apology for hurting her and a statement of an earnest desire to make amends rather than a sing-song “Too bad” as if Carla was a good friend who had said “no thanks”.

    So yeah, I’m right there with Carla being on edge to see where this is going and how bad it is now that Mary has seemingly learned how to emotionally manipulate people better. And it makes sense she’d be particularly on edge given how much interest Mary has publicly had in trying to destroy her personally.

    1. Indiana Bones

      I don’t think that’s necessarily it; I think Mary’s just genuinely happy because she believes that she’s won. She has what she believes to be effective blackmail on Ruth, the greatest source of local authority, and therefore can basically do as she pleases. She’s acting nice to everyone because, as far as she knows, if she says jump, Ruth will tell them how high, so it doesn’t matter as much what the godless heathens think or do, because she can make them do whatever she wants

    2. Brotato

      No, I think there’s something to this. Whatever her motivations are, the social manipulation is there; there’s no way she is oblivious to the reactions of the people around her, but she’s choosing to ignore those reactions and continue her chipper antics.

      Does she think she’s won? Maybe. Does she want to make amends without putting in actual work? Maybe. Is there something we don’t know? Maybe.

      But regardless, she’s not lacking in mental faculties – not in this, at least – and she’s not going to just prance around like nothing is wrong without at least being aware that something is wrong. She’s doing this deliberately, and ignoring the discomfort of everyone around her – regardless of her motives, that’s a level of shitty.

      It just remains to be seen what tier of shittiness it is.

    3. Lone Wolf

      It almost feels like one of those episodes of a sitcom where it’s either April 1st or there’s some kind of prank war going on among the cast or whatever, and there’s that one person who seems like they’re very clearly plotting something and it drives the other characters into a paranoid frenzy… and then it turns out that was the whole point. They aren’t actively planning to do anything, they just want everyone around them to think they’re plotting some kind of terrible scheme/prank just to mess with them.

      That’s kind of what this feels like to me.

      1. Halpful

        so… she’s copying Carla’s revenge? that would not surprise me.

    4. Halpful

      “And yet she approaches here with an intimacy you would only have with close friends.”

      ohhhh.

      that was part of the halfhearted attempts at bullying I noticed in middle school. it tended to go so far over my head that it failed to work as intended 🙂

    5. Fart Captor

      I 100% agree Mary is not genuine here. If people hadn’t found it so incredibly easy to believe she’d been blackmailing Ruth, Billie’s plan to keep her in check wouldn’t have worked.

      She’s either messing with their heads, or gaslighting them. Chloe is probably dumb enough to fall for it, even if most of the floor doesn’t

    6. Murgatroyd

      I might be totally off on this, but I’m still wondering what “Sir” was talking about when he told Ruth he was going off to put out “more of your fires.” As far as I remember there was no in-comic indication of what that could mean, since he’d already “addressed” Ruth being involved with Billie and almost losing her RA job. But maaayyyybe he was mad because Chloe pointed out Ruth’s high-profile residents and somehow enlisted Mary to “help” Ruth deal with them? I hope not…a Mary/Clint team-up would be the worst.

      1. Makkabee

        I don’t think he has the resources to replace Mary with a pod person.

  101. Pigeon Pollyx

    Okay I’ve been mulling this whole Mary thing over.

    Two things come to mind. One is obvious: Mary, aware now that her openly antagonistic behavior has actively hindered her effectiveness as a gross oppressive bully, has decided a new tactic of Changing her Brand. And I don’t mean just Being Cheerful, I mean talking to people she despises openly. Offering Donuts and such. I’d say I’d hope the dorm doesn’t fall for the ploy but we’ve seen how fickle masses can be, and people like to see people change. it’s fucked up justification for Rachel though.

    Two, and this is a doozy: what if this change in personality is genuine, and because of Ryan? I mean who knows how many women that creep took advantage of, and a son of a pastor would definitely hold some sway over Mary. What if she was one of the girls that didn’t speak up? And now, in her own way, she’s just genuinely elated and cheerful about it?

    I dunno man.

  102. a/snow mous/e

    Maybe she’s a Born-Again-Again?

    1. Reltzik

      That would…. actually make a lot of sense.

      I mean, if she had a “holy crap I’m evil” moment, she could have decided to go get saved again. (Meaning, go get saved for real this time, because apparently the last few ceremonies weren’t the REAL thing, because if she’d actually been saved all those times then this wouldn’t have happened.) She goes and gets sprinkled or dunked (again), rejects Satan (again), and this time it’s the time that does it!

      (Seeking forgiveness for her sins from those she’s WRONGED is completely unnecessary, of course.)

      As a result, she walks around for a bit feeling like she’s a new person. She’s on cloud nine and she behaves in what she regards as a Christ-like manner.

      … until the euphoria wears off and her true self resurrects. Probably in three days, or maybe one-and-a-half days.

    2. Yumi

      Maybe she had the subsequent realizations that 1. She’s an awful person, and 2. It doesn’t matter because great things happen to awful people all the time, and Jesus saves anyway so she’s free to carry on being awful without worrying about consequences.
      And it’s just a very freeing feeling.

      1. C.T Phipps

        Oddly, I did have a revelation like that from God. I prayed for his guidance when I was a Senior in high school and a fundamentalist bigot quite like Mary and a horrid homophobe. God told me, “Stop being such a ****ing Dick. So I spent the next year trying to make amends to people and changing my ways.” I also became a huge progressive (or at least try to be).

        1. a/snow mous/e

          Always a good lesson: religion and bigotry do not have to go hand-in-hand!

          And in fact the followers of less traditional/orthodox Christianity/[insert followers of almost any organized religion or dogmatic philosophy] are more in the spirit of Christ[/insert associated prophet(s) or philosophical teacher (eg Siddartha Gautama)].

  103. KSClaw

    Mary Mary quite contrary…

  104. Tenchan

    You know before, Mary used to anger me; but now, she’s scaring the bejebus out of me!

  105. Heather

    I kind of wonder if Mary’s plan is really just making Billie, Carla and Ruth uncomfortable in a way she can’t get into trouble. I mean what the heck would even say to even a trustworthy authority figure? (Even without Puddinghead’s problems). At best an authority figure who stood back and closely observed/was fully aware might just suggest /Mary/ be moved out to a different dorm with full warnings to her next RA to keep a close eye (granted that would opened on RA competence which we know we can’t rely on). Make a formal report and warning. I mean if Mary is ‘genuine’ or not she can dress it up as giving her a ‘fresh start’. (And any future missteps= expulsion).

    1. StClair

      She might be trying, in her own way, to imitate the unsettling mind-games that Carla (successfully) pulled on her.

  106. Yumi

    And I would like to point out, it’s possible to convey that you care about things like punctuation without throwing around the term “Nazi.”

  107. 3oranges

    Because her voice didn’t inflect upward at the end of it, but downward, which is what periods and question marks have come to represent.

    Sure, in theory one of those goes with a statement and one with a question. And maybe some people always talk that way. But others use uptalk, where people make statements that end in a high pitch? And people sometimes do lower voices at the end of questions, especially to indicate it’s not really a question, don’t they.

    It’s nice to be able to write those things down. Sure, it may not be the simplistic model of punctuation from grammar class, but in an evolving language that’s not the same thing as it being a mistake.

    1. davidbreslin101

      Comics nowadays use a few punctuation tricks like that. Like a flat “What.” of disgusted astonishment, and missing out commas to make the speaker sound really stupid.

  108. Guest42

    I think she might be trying to just be a nicer person and practice what she preaches…. but I also might just be gullible.

  109. Tomas

    Bipolar disorder?

    1. Yumi

      In a comic that has some solid depictions of mental health struggles, I doubt bipolar disorder would be portrayed this way.

    2. Sam

      I’m not saying it is impossible, but this alone absolutely would not prove it as you are more likely to get the depressive episodes first and you MUST have experienced both at least 1 mania/hypomania episode and 1 depressive episode for it to be bipolar disorder.

      1. NotPiffany

        When she first showed up in-comic, she was in her underwear at 3pm. Excessive sleeping can be a sign of depression.

        1. Yumi

          I was going to be like, “Hey, if I have the option, I am frequently asleep or at least not dressed at 3pm.”
          Then I remembered that I’m depressed, so.

  110. Fia

    Ack! Mr. Willis I love your comic but I am just commenting to say it is really bothering me that Mary seems to switch hands on the donut in Panel 2 and then again in Panel 4.
    I am usually not one to nitpick but in this instance it makes her hand look like it’s twisting weirdly rather than switching hands and it’s an easy fix @_@ <3

  111. Remmington Steele

    She’s ‘aving her cake AND eating it!

    1. Delicious Taffy

      That’s what cake is for. Cake is food, you eat food, and if you didn’t intend to eat your cake, why did you get it?

  112. davidbreslin101

    “Do you want a bite of my donut?” In my head that manages to sound pretty filthy.

  113. Felgraf

    My theory: Mary thinks she can scheme/parley what happened to Ryan into fucking over Carla. That is, she thinks she can use current events (rapist dude trying to attack two girls) to attack the transgirl in their wing and get her kicked out/something else.

    1. Krys Brynhildr

      Seems kind of weird that she’s being super nice and even complimenting Carla if that’s the case. You’d think she’d be more schemeyface at least in that case, since well we’ve seen how horrible her poker face is about this sort of stuff several times previously.

      Still betting on “Unrelated Things That Make Her Happy”, personally. Things that might still be evil or at least against the public image she puts on, but not something she can actually leverage into a weapon to attack the people on her dorm floor she doesn’t like with directly.

  114. Riku

    WTF Willis? Yeast donuts >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> cake donuts

    1. Nemirthel

      I thought Willis was commenting on people who like cake donuts…
      Either way Mary is wrong. Cake donuts are gross.

      1. Yumi

        See: hovertext

  115. Kamino Neko

    There’s no justification for the last comment to end with a question mark.

    And the second-to-last isn’t really a question, either. It’s a comment that used question phrasing. That’s a thing people do, you know.

  116. Tenn

    I’m scared.

    *hides in a box*

  117. Amazi-Stool

    DO OR DONUT,
    THERE IS NO PIE!

  118. Anthill Radio

    “Snakes are immune to their own venom”.
    Y’know, I never really thought of it that way.

    1. Azmodan

      They aren’t, they are just resistant to them.

      Outside of Cobra’s iirc, due to theirs being a neurotoxin that primarily affects mammals.

  119. a/snow mous/e

    LET THEM EAT CAKE DONUTS
    -Mary Antoinette

  120. KingOfGreyfell

    Anyone else getting a Ramsay Bolton vibe off of Smiling Mary?

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