315

Damnation
Posted on November 17, 2013 by David M Willis

315 thoughts on “Damnation”

  1. Skull025

    Heck, I’ll throw in a smoothie if you say “Damn you to Hell!”

    1. KingMabel

      Technically used in this context it wouldn’t count as a swear as saying “damn” is referring to the notion of damnation.

      But for kicks…

      “DARN YOU TO HECK!”

      1. Yotomoe

        Damn you to hell is kind of a redundant thing to say though.

        1. Aeron

          No, it’s just being very specific about where you want someone damned to.

        2. KingMabel

          “Damn you to Candy Land!”

        3. Yotomoe

          Damn you to Jersey!!!

        4. Jordan

          No one deserves that!

        5. PlayaSinNombre

          Not even people who talk in the theater?

        6. Drunken Nordmann

          Isn’t that… special?

        7. aipom45

          No one deserves that type of punishment

        8. myIDID

          Damn you to Shiganshina!

        9. jiynx

          no, it’s being redundant. damning someone is, in christian usage, condemning them to hell.

        10. TPman

          Yah, I once damned a guy to Los Angeles by accident. Not a mistake I’m making again.

        11. Glynvel

          Yeah, well, where else was I gonna go, Detroit?

        12. JayBlanc

          Thankfully we’re all rationalists here and accept that Detroit is just a scary story made up to make us toe the line.

        13. Neospector

          “Detroit? Bah! What’s next, Canada?”

        14. Piper

          Wisconsin.

        15. TPman

          The worst ACTUAL place in the world is Cleveland.
          See here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZzgAjjuqZM

        16. StClair

          I once read – I forget where, except that it was on the net – someone suggesting that the first layer of Hell is littered with assorted appliances and other inanimate objects that have been damned there by their angry owners/users.

      2. Dustbunny

        But isn’t that worse, because you’re actually wishing for someone to be damned, which is practically summoning Satan?

        1. David Willis

          Man, if saying “damn” actually summoned Satan, then I would say it a LOT more!

        2. Icalasari

          Maybe you just haven’t said it enough

          Damned Damned, damned Damned damned damn damned Damned

          And yes that is grammatically correct

        3. Bill

          Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
          And that sentence, with no punctuation, is *ALSO* grammatically correct.

        4. Dude

          You’re capitalization is all wrong. Capital Buffalo refers to the city. It’s Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo.

        5. Lendiscus

          You’re both right, actually. One is “Bison from Buffalo, whom other bison from Buffalo bully, themselves bully bison from Buffalo” and the other is “Bison from Buffalo bully bison whom other bison from Buffalo also bully”

        6. John

          Those are both grammatically correct; you’ve just got the relative clause modifying different things.

          You can also combine them for: Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo.

        7. Indianawalsh

          No, he’s right.
          “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.”
          “Bison from Buffalo, NY, whom other bison from Buffalo, NY, bully, bully bison from Buffalo, NY.”

          And while we’re being pedantic, it’s “your.”

        8. Blue Dragon

          Buffalo: a greeting between two nudists.

        9. Crazy Pete

          Well then…..DAMN YOU WILLIS

        10. Mustachio

          I’d settle for “Biggie Smalls Biggie Smalls Biggie Smalls”

        11. Dustbunny

          You’ll get there! Don’t lose hope!

        12. Leon

          According to the books Lucifer is just another prisoner in hell just like everyone else.
          The popular image of Satan is basically biblical fan fiction.

        13. TPman

          Well then… DAMN YOU DANTE!

      3. Mustachio

        Actually, I think Dilbert has that covered already. Heck is ruled by the Prince of Insufficient Light, BTW.

        1. xKiv

          Doesn’t Sluggy Freelance have an entire chapter named “Demons are from Hell, dragons are from Heck”?

      4. BrokenEye, True False Prophet

        You Maniacs! You blew it up! Darn you! Gosh darn you all to heck!

    2. qka

      Hoover Dam?

      1. cesium133

        “Hoover Dam you to Nevada!”

        Okay, she might not be able to say Nevada if she’s ever been there. As hot as it gets, it’s too evocative of Hell Heck.

    3. insomniac

      YOU MANIACS!

    4. hof1991

      It’s like bouncing your eyes. Its part of building a wall around the Commandments. Not only do you observe them, you don’t come close to breaking them. You avoid the slippery slope, the “well, I’m in technical observance” and such. Devout people of many faiths practice this. It’s not unique to US Christan fundies.

  2. Mr. Random

    I didn’t know Willis liked Blink.

    1. Tunaro

      What does Dr. Who have to do with any of this?

    2. Blue

      The DW episode? Because this just made me spend 3 minutes staring at the comic trying to find the reference.

      1. Kladeos

        Is this related to the hover text? What is it today by the way?

        1. John

          “as a teenager i would seriously say ‘darnation’ instead of ‘damnation'”

        2. Kladeos

          All I hear is carnation.

    3. Mr. Random

      Blink 182… They have a song. It’s quite short.

      1. Scoops

        What about George Carlin?

        1. Sensedog

          Ah yes, those seven words. I miss George Carlin.

        2. hurricanemyles

          Wrong seven words. The words are: shit, piss, fuck, conga, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.

        3. Scoops

          Blink182 were definitely basing it off the George Carlin bit, because they have all seven words in the same order. This comic doesn’t have all of them, and the ones it has aren’t all in the same order, so yeah it’s not a reference.

        4. Narf

          If I remember correctly, they just added “tits fart turd n twat” to the end 😀

      2. Yet Another Laura H.

        There’s a song by the (tee-hee) Butt Trumpets called “I’ve Been So Mad Lately” that I find deeply satisfying with regards to swearing. I don’t think I’d enjoy it quite so much if I weren’t a late bloomer with regards to swearing. (I do find it useful, as I am a nonmale in a male-dominated industry, and it, combined with a few jaw-droppingly filthy jokes, helps to put my co-workers at ease.)

  3. Diss

    I’ll say anything you want for twenty bucks. Maybe a little more.

    1. Doctor_Who

      This is how phone sex lines were invented.

      1. Tunaro

        Before that were raunchy telegraphs.

        1. TwentyThree

          And before that, dem sexy smoke signals.

        2. Doctor_Who

          OH YES STOP
          HARDER YES STOP
          DONT STOP STOP

        3. saltchocolate

          17 Internets for you!!!

        4. Tunaro

          Don’t stop me now
          I’m having such a good time
          I’m having a ball
          Don’t stop me now
          If you wanna have a good time
          Just give me a call

        5. Glynvel

          La da da da deeeeeee, la da daaaaa da.

        6. The Phantom's Belch

          Coming from someone with a Joe gravitar, that makes it all the funnier. 😉

        7. Kelly

          I already had that open just a few tabs down https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM

          … I have been on big Queen kick lately.

        8. Aeron

          Yes, I would like to order a singing telegraph? Quick question, are you allowed to say whatever you want? You are? Perfect…

        9. RobHagen

          “I am your singing telegram…”

          *BANG*

          *door closes*

        10. Mr. Bulbmin

          “Gentlemen, turn out your pockets; ladies, empty your purses. Whoever has the gun is the murderer.”

          Clue is nineteen varieties of awesome.

        11. Cholma

          You should have been there for the days of erotic semaphore.

        12. Plasma Mongoose

          Where do you think the term ‘red-flag’ came from? 😀

        13. Yotomoe

          Man, Sexy Smoke Signals is where it’s at.

        14. John

          So hot.

        15. Philippe G.

          Hence “smoking hot”?

        16. VZG

          And before that, sexy messengers?

          “The lady says that she would like to know what you are wearing, sir.”
          “Today, or when I sent the last messenger out?”
          “She didn’t specify, sir.”
          “Oh, well, just tell her I’m wearing something naughty.”
          “As you wish.”

    2. asmcint

      I was honestly expecting a nickel. I’ve become too accustomed to these comment threads.

  4. Vivvav

    I like how this takes place about ten years after most kids start cursing.

    1. David Herbert

      Willis has said this is what happened to him at school in book commentaries, so it’s not that unbelievable.

    2. Kirby

      I don’t tend to swear, even on the internet. If I do, just about anyone that knows me tends to climb into a bomb shelter.

      1. Mr. Bulbmin

        With me, you could use curse words in my face all day to no effect. Bring up the name of one of the three people who made me the bitter person I am today, and you will die, slowly and painfully.
        I’m weird like that.

        1. Mr. Random

          Your happily smiling avatar and the threat of painful death fills me with terror.

    3. Yotomoe

      I didn’t start swearing until Sophmore year, but you can be sure as shit that I swore at Joyce’s age.

    4. Jacquie H

      Most kids. I didn’t start cussing until I turned 25.

      Driving for a living did that to me, by the way.

  5. Doctor_Who

    If she gets any worse it’ll be “tarnation” and she’ll immediately turn into my grandmother.

    Or possibly Yosemite Sam.

    1. Pyr05

      You’re grandmother is Yosemite Sam?!?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        It’s that kind of family and it’s your not you’re in that particular case.

      2. Tunaro

        Yosemite is the Doc’s grandma? That sounds like one weird fanfic.

      3. Doctor_Who

        Hmmm, now that you mention it she DID have naturally red hair when she was young. And I imagine that if you shaved off Sam’s massive whiskers, he’d look a bit like a little old lady underneath.

        I’ll have to ask mom if she had any strong feelings about varmints.

        1. Yotomoe

          Or an affinity for firing pistols in the air.

    2. VZG

      I’d take tarnation over darnation.

  6. Tunaro

    Sumthin’s always bugged me ’bout cussing. Why’s conga always more censored than the other shit. How is it worse than cock?

    1. Pyr05

      Consider how vulgar people take it (or did, I should probably say) and there’s your answer. Also, cock is an animal, so there.

    2. John

      It’s packing a lot more inherent misogyny than “cock” is inherent misandry.

      1. Yotomoe

        Unless you’re like me where I’ll call anyone and everyone any dirty word.

        1. dethtoll

          Eh, but you’re not the center of the universe man. Your rules don’t apply to the rest of the world.

        2. Yotomoe

          Treason!!!

        3. The Phantom's Belch

          Knowledge of the outside is treason, Citizen. *ZAP* Next clone!

        4. commoyojimbo

          The Computer just wants you to be Happy. Failure to be happy is treason. Treason is punishable by summary execution. Have a nice day, Citizen!

        5. The Phantom's Belch

          Friend Computer is Happy.
          Friend Computer is also Crazy.
          Friend Computer wants you to be Happy.
          This will drive you Crazy.
          — Paranoia 5ed, rear cover

          🙂

        6. Narf

          Amen Yotomoe, ya conga. 😀

      2. Marianne

        Is that inherent misogyny because of the way (at least, I’ve heard) only women are called congas in the US? Over here in Britain, we’re much more into gender equality so we call men congas too 😀 Although it’s still considered one of the strongest swear words, it actually can be said on television without being bleeped out.

        1. Kladeos

          It’s offensive because you’re saying someone is a terrible person by calling them female anatomy. I guess “dick ” is an equivalent but a much milder word.

        2. Marianne

          The thing is though, as much as I despise actual misogyny, I find it hard to categorise the literal meaning of curse words as such. If you call someone a conga, the literal meaning is “you are a vagina!” which is far more absurd than what is actually meant when someone says it. Similarly, if you call someone a bastard you’re literally saying “you were born when your parents were not married!”, if you call someone a fucker you’re saying “you engage in sexual intercourse!” and if you call someone a wanker you’re saying “you sexually pleasure yourself with your hand!” (which, let’s be honest, we almost all do unless we have no sex drive). The intended meaning of curse words is just so far detached from their actual literal meaning that I can’t find the literal meaning offensive, the literal meaning is just plain funny, and even if the people who originally popularised “conga” as a curse word were purposely trying to be misogynistic the hilarity of the end result is just another reason to laugh at those hypothetical historical misogynists.

        3. begbert2

          You have a point – when you swear you’re just yelling out a word that you can’t say in polite company (as defined about sixty years ago). But since the fainting ladies around you defined the terms themselves as being ‘bad’, that stigma back-transferred and so the swear words themselves are considered bad now. And so people notice that “conga” is a “bad thing” word, and any association of women with badness is considered misogynistic, even if the reason for the badness has nothing to do with women.

          Personally I think that ‘conga’ is considered a worse swear because of lack of exposure. Probably the weakest swear (that’s not a faux-swear) is ‘damn’, and that’s been in common use as a swear since before swears lost their specific meaning. ‘Fuck’ used to be really bad, but then every ten-year old on the planed started using it to shock their parents, and aren’t shocked by it themselves anymore. ‘conga’ will probably be in the same boat in twenty years, and then it will be on the next new thing.

        4. Logician

          I think there might be more to it than that. If you think about the way a lot of people use these kinds of insults (which aren’t quite the same thing as swears) it isn’t a simple spectrum of mild to severe. A lot of them are often used with particular connotations, which come from a very misogynistic point of view. So:

          wanker/jerk: self centred, inconsiderate, so unable to form a relationship and forced to resort to masturbation
          prick/dick: self important, demanding attention, sticking up and forcing everyone else to deal with you
          prat (lit. buttock): brainless lump of meat
          bastard: evil, mean, not brought up to behave in a civilised way, because of having no stable family
          conga: worthless, not deserving of proper treatment, ok for sex but not a relationship

          Or am I imagining these distinctions?

          I think people continue to use words in particular contexts after picking them up from others, without ever having thought about where the context may have come from, or how it relates to the word’s literal meaning. So those who have thought about it get a lot more offended than those who haven’t.

        5. Mr. Random

          In order to avoid all of THIS^ and THIS \/, I call people Assholes. Because everyone has one.

        6. Yet Another Laura H.

          Excellent point, Marianne, and very well-stated.

          I don’t know how much credence to lend to this, but I have read that the word “conga” comes from the same root as the word “queen,” and that this root means, “that which is typical of a woman,” or “the sort of miracle/ magic that only women can work,” such as childbearing or breastfeeding (miracles apparently involved a lot more customer participation back then).

          TL;DR: if you think that saying a male is acting like a female is equivalent to calling him “weak, overly emotional, illogical, cowardly, and/ or stupid,” I feel that does have some misogynist overtones, and you should probably hang out with a different set of women, because I’ve found that this has a lot more to do with who you are than your sex/ gender.

          …and now I want to see more of Willis’s gender-studies class comics. More than I did before.

        7. Yotomoe

          So is calling someone a bastard have some overly anti-parent overtones. As a bastard should I be more offended by the use of the word, since it’s used to belittle people like me?
          Also I have a dick. Should the word dick offend me because I too have a dick? We know ladies don’t have dicks. They could only be referring to male anatomy!
          (I’m not belittling the plight of women, cuz I know they have it rough. I’m also pointing out that, contrary to popular belief, words only have the power that you give to them.)

        8. Marianne

          Oh totally, if you call someone a girl or a pussy for being weak/cowardly/emotional/stupid, then that’s a case where the literal meaning is still very much linked to the intended meaning, which plays on misogynistic stereotypes of women. I can also see why “conga” might be problematic in a similar way in the US, where apparently it’s used as an insult only to women (though I don’t really understand US usage of the word enough to be sure).

          Just to clear up any possible misunderstandings though, when it’s used in the UK it’s not got the same kind of meaning as “pussy”, i.e. it’s not used to call someone “woman-like” (in the misogynistic stereotypes way), it just means someone generally very unpleasant, sorta like a stronger version of “bastard”. Again, no idea how it’s used or meant in the US, so I’m really not sure if there are any misunderstandings or any differences in its intended meaning.

        9. khambatta

          “Come to Scotland and get c***ed.” Yeah, we use it like that (in the right company, mind you) to mean very drunk. It’s definitely the most vulgar swearword, but that just makes it more fun!
          I’d reckon dog, or bongo, or cow even, would be more offensive, used as they are to denigrate women & so being very misogynistic. I’ve only ever heard c*** or bastard getting chucked at men… that may be just the company I keep…

          Yeah, I censored myself, whatever.

      3. Barf Ninjason

        I’d say it definitely has misogynist associations for a lot of people, but I don’t think it’s inherently so. My friend, for instance, decided she liked saying “conga” as the word she would use to speak about her genitalia, preferring its simplicity and kind-of-hot directness to “pussy,” which she’d never liked and felt a bit too much like pussyfooting around, I guess.

    3. Lokitsu

      I’m not sure why American society decided conga was less acceptable, but in Britain the word is less offensive.

      1. Kintrex

        And then we have Australia, where the word is a term of affection.

    4. Philippe G.

      “conga” was subtly censored even in this strip.

    5. insomniac

      How vulgar words are doesn’t really have much (anything) to do with their meaning.

      With the possible exception of group slurs.

    6. Logician

      When I was a kid, “bloody” was too serious to say in front of an adult, but “bugger” was what everyone said when they made a minor mistake. There is no logic to it.

      1. MR K

        FUn fact, the word bugger came from a heretic catholic sect in the middle ages. They called themselves the Bogomils. They didn’t believe in children, so they used the rear end for pleasure.

  7. Wonder Wig

    20 bucks must be more tempting than crack to a college student.

    1. slicedtoad

      how much crack are we talking?

      1. Wonder Wig

        Enough to break several mothers’ backs.

      2. Pyr05

        Rob Ford wants to know 😛

      3. Tan

        $20 worth.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Personally I never found plumber’s crack all that appealing in the first place.

      1. Tunaro

        You don’t know the right plumbers.

        1. James

          the right ones wear ties right?

      2. brionl

        Your prayers are answered:
        http://www.duluthtrading.com/store/product/mens-short-sleeve-longtail-t-shirt-crack-spackle-74585.aspx

    3. Yotomoe

      But with $20…you can BUY crack.

      1. Pope William T Wodium

        Money can be exchanged for goods and services!

  8. Shrugs

    Joyce, just pretend you’re talking about beavers.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Pretend you are talking about Avatar the Last Airbender fanfiction written by furries.

      “But everything changed with the Dam Nation attacked.”

      1. Shrugs

        That just makes me think about “woodbending” which makes things inappropriate again!

      2. Foxhack

        GOSH DARN IT

        *falls off chair

  9. Plasma Mongoose

    The Body Thetans prevent her from saying naughty words.

  10. Pyr05

    Don’t do it Joyce! Don’t give into the temptation! Who cares about that silky smooth $20 you could have to replenish just a LITTLE bit of the money you spent on Dexter and Monkey Master merch!

    Then again, that new product is coming out too, and you could use it to pre-order it.

    1. Cholma

      $20 for “damn” or a motorcycle ride with Sal for “fuck”.
      You must choose, Joyce, and choose wisely.

      1. Zababcd

        Oh, so that’s where this storyline is heading. Joyce learns to swear due to peer pressure and finally gets to ride the motorcycle.

        Also, I’ve run out of effects to use in my gravs, so I’m just going to use my favourite from the ones I’ve collected.

  11. leonou

    Noooo! Joyce don’t let your pristine soul get corrupted by … wait Twenty dollars ?
    Go for it, darn it !

    1. Hoboturtle

      You fool! She could hold out for more! Like twenty five!

      1. BlueRam

        Make it even $40 and we’re in business.

      2. Yotomoe

        or $20 and a piece of gum!

        1. Glynvel

          Nobody ever pays me in gum. 🙁

        2. insomniac

          Well played.

  12. Plasma Mongoose

    So Willis, how much money did it end up taking to make you swear?

    1. Doctor_Who

      Well, if we go through the Roomies and It’s Walky archives to pinpoint the exact strip where he started using adult language…use Google Analytics to figure out how much traffic the strip got that day…calculate the ad revenue generated vs that of previous days…adjust for inflation…

      I’d say he made just enough to have sex with your mom.

      1. saltchocolate

        for *Mike* to have sex with her mom.

        1. Tunaro

          Epic hate threesome!

      2. MR K

        When did Willis start using uncensored swears in his comics anyway?

        1. Mr. Random

          We gather here, to Summon the mighty WACK’D, for with his knowledge of all things Willis, he shall answer our questions.

          Wack’d.
          Wack’d.
          WACK’D!

        2. John

          I’m not Wack’d, but…

          It was kind of a gradual thing. He’s been using “Hell”, in a literal sense, since very early in Roomies!. “Damn” snuck in once before the end of Roomies! (Billie, of course, though maybe it shouldn’t count because she only thought it), and was pretty common through It’s Walky!. “Shit” made it into It’s Walky! twice (2000-10-04 and 2001-01-06). “Fuck” had to wait for Shortpacked!. Which now has a character named Fuckface.

        3. John

          Oh, and “dammit” (and “hell” used non-literally) in tomorrow’s Bring Back Roomies!.

  13. Rabbling Rouser

    don’t do it Joyce it’s a slippery slope 1 day you’re cursing for 20 bucks the next you’re using that money to buy more MM Merch…..is that the kind of life you want!

  14. Shrugs

    With how much Joyce doesn’t like even minor swears I’m surprised she was willing to say “slut” before.

    1. John

      That’s not a swear; that’s just the technical term for anyone who has or thinks about pre-marital hanky-panky.

      1. Yet Another Laura H.

        And the word originally meant “a person who is bad at housework.”

        1. John

          That Walky, such a slut.

  15. Joebo

    Ah, excellent Carlin reference.

    1. Emoroffle

      I regret never having had a chance to see him in concert while he was alive.

      1. saltchocolate

        Ditto. Thank God for YouTube.

      2. brionl

        I saw him once in Las Vegas, I sat right at the edge of the stage. Good show. “On the plane? I’m getting IN the plane!”

        1. Lokitsu

          “Then the pilot announces that we’re making our final approach to the TERMINAL.” Carlin made me think hard before buying plane tickets after that.

  16. Keroshino

    Oh damn!

  17. Digglesworth

    Kind of a dick move to try and get someone to compromise just to get them to compromise

    1. saltchocolate

      It’s her test, her moment on the mountaintop, starring Joe as Beelzebub. (Or was he Satan in that story?)

    2. Varangian

      I think it might be less just to get her to compromise and more Joe’s thing for innocent things turned dirty.

      1. Varangian

        Also, she did basically hire Mike to punch the fuck out of him, so sweet but highly unprofitable revenge.

        1. Hoboturtle

          Wait, Joe you making an horrible mistake. She could easily use the money you give her to rehire Mike!

        2. Hippoman

          I don’t think Mike is generally a work for hire kind of guy. Unless it involves mothers. and nickels.

        3. James

          or punching people.

    3. Thasvaddef

      Rule 15: The more beautiful and pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.

  18. KingMabel

    With $20 Mike could do your mom 400 times!

  19. Stephen Bierce

    It’s like that British TV morning show in 1977 that tried to book Queen and instead they got The Sex Pistols.

  20. shadowcell

    LIKE FIRE
    HECKFIRE
    THIS FIRE IN MY SKIN

    1. Varangian

      THESE BURNING
      DESIRES (FOR PREMARITAL HANKY-PANKY)
      ARE TURNING ME TO SIN
      (but not really Lord I promise I’m just singing the song)

      1. Mr. Bulbmin

        *bit clap*
        I’m not sure how to add to my appreciation, so . . .
        Whirrrrrrrou!

  21. Mkvenner

    At least she appaers to be thinking it over.

    1. saltchocolate

      And almost laughing at Sarah.

  22. Plasma Mongoose

    Start her off with words like ‘kick bottom’, ‘smeg-head’ or even ‘butt-munch’.

    1. Yotomoe

      Butt munch, Butt pipe, gaylord, Assmaster.
      All words southpark taught me in middleschool.

      1. James

        Man they toned down.
        I learned cocksucking Pig Fu*cker from the early seasons.

        1. Yotomoe

          Those were the early seasons I was talking about. If anything they’ve gotten worse.

        2. Narf

          Unless a bigger SP fanboy wants to correct me, I don’t believe they used the term “Pig Fucker” until the movie (Bigger, Longer & Uncut), although they definitely taught me more than a handful of curses when I was an adolescent.

          Also, yeah Yotomoe they’ve deeeeefinitely gotten worse. Haha.

  23. Kernanator

    Twenty bucks? That’s like around 3 or 4 lunches!

  24. GoogerGeiger

    C’mon Joyce. You’ve said ‘friggin’ before.

    1. KingMabel

      Yea! And remember the time you said “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

  25. joeyo

    http://xkcd.com/75/

    1. Thasvaddef

      http://xkcd.com/243/

  26. Plasma Mongoose

    If anyone can teach Joyce to swear, it’s BRIAN BLESSED!

    1. Doctor_Who

      BRIAN BLESSED is what would happen if the Caps Lock key took the form of a Norse god and then started telling bawdy jokes.

      I want him to speak at my funeral. It will ensure I’m not buried alive. Hell, even if I AM dead, that just might wake me up.

  27. JessWitt

    Man, this reminds me of high school. My classmates tried to get me to say “mother trucker” but I never caved into them.

    I do say “damn” though on occasion, nothing more.

  28. AckackAck

    I’m liking this Joe Sarah shipping more. I can see them annoying people together. C’mon Sarah listen to your heart…. and anger.

    Angry sex that is.

    1. Yotomoe

      OPEN UP YOUR HEART IT’LL BE ALRIGHT!!!

    2. Jack Finch

      Sarah’s hatefucking would be so.epic.

      1. Yotomoe

        It would be unmatched throughout the universe.

        1. Narf

          Would it be superlatively epic?

          (amirite?)

          (i am not right)

  29. timemonkey

    No Joyce, resist temptation, don’t cast your vocabulary to the cusswolves!

    1. Kernanator

      Where do the cusswolves live?

      1. Glynvel

        Sweartzerland.

        1. Zababcd

          Cursakhstan.
          Expletive…ia. I give up, I’m done.

        2. Mr K

          Cussia

      2. John

        Swear pits.

      3. Yotomoe

        The Pissshitfart woods.

      4. Glynvel

        If they’re edited cusswolves they could live in South Astriska.

  30. Sporky

    that is some excellent word balloon censorship

    on a related note, SARAH NO

  31. MM

    You know, I think Joyce has the right idea. “Darnation” is an awesome word. Matter of fact, I think I’m going to avoid swears from now on. To hell with Joe and his $20!

    …Aww, damnabbit.

  32. Yotomoe

    Sarah is slowly trying to push Sierra out of my Favorite character spot. She’s doing a great job of it, too.

  33. Jimmy

    I don’t like swearing because it reminds me too much of hearing people fight. Not my parents, just people who swore at each other and later saw them crying. It used to genuinely scare me when someone swore. Now I swear myself but I try not to if I can help it.

    1. begbert2

      The solution to this is to swear casually as much as possible, when not angry, so that future children won’t associate the swear words with anger because they hear them all the time anyway.

      Swear constantly! Think of the children!

      1. Narf

        An excellent solution – as long as it’s accompanied by the cautionary lesson of “Outside of this house, people may have somewhat different opinions on what language is and isn’t appropriate, son/daughter, so you must always be mindful of who’s listening to you when you swear! I don’t want to get a call from your teacher asking me where you learned all those words, now!”

  34. HMRC4EVR

    One day everyone’s going to push Joyce that inch too far, and she’s doing to just stand up and drop an F-bomb.

    The entire room is going to fall out of their seats and stare up at her in shock as she turns and strides out of the room.

    1. Kiggy

      And I will be patiently waiting for it

      For it will be EPIC!

    2. Andiemus

      Or Joe will bust up laughing.

  35. The Specter

    Resist!!!

  36. Fay

    And with this set of panels, I now ship everybody here but Joe/Dorothy.

    1. Archivist

      That makes me curious about your reasoning for Dorothy/Sarah.

    2. Mr. Bulbmin

      Congratulations. You are slowly losing your essence to the conglomerate ooze of perversion and insanity that we know as the Internet. Bit by bit, you join the Swarm, until nothing remains but a bundle of horny, troll-paranoid nerves held together with confections, duct tape, and incoherent memetic phrases.

      If you read the above and agree with it, there is a very good chance that you have lost all hope in humanity. I will not excuse the actions of the species, so I ask that you lighten up- you’ll live longer.

      1. AdInfinitumSpero

        What if I agree but don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing ?

        1. Mr. Bulbmin

          That sounds mildly confusing. Given the quite negative connotations of most of the words involved, it being a bad thing is practically a guarantee.

          In other words, I have no plans regarding those who agree but find it neutral/positive.

      2. Narf

        What is this I don’t even

  37. Archivist

    He looks so serious about it in panel four.

  38. Chengrel

    I have a feeling that when Joyce learns how to swear, she won’t know how to stop… Somehow.

    1. Em

      That’s what happened to me. I used to be terrified of swearing until middle school, where one of my friends swore super casually around me. I swore to sound cool, and now it’s apart of my everyday vocabulary. @.@

    2. VZG

      That’d be like me. I didn’t swear at all until high school, and then “crap” was the worst I’d say, with an occasional “damn” or “hell.” I thought “shut up” was swearing for the longest time, even.

      Then I moved to New York City and now I swear all the fucking time.

  39. Jenny Creed

    I like to save up swear words for maximum impact. I’ve spoken exactly one swear word in the last twenty years and believe me, people took notice when I did. Swear too much and you devalue your most powerful tools of expression. Like we learned in World War 1:

    It became so common that an effective way for the soldier to express this emotion was to omit this word. Thus if a sergeant said, ‘Get your —-ing rifles!’ it was understood as a matter of routine. But if he said ‘Get your rifles!’ there was an immediate implication of urgency and danger. (John Brophy, “Songs and Slang of the British Soldier: 1914-1918,” pub. 1930)

    It also has the side effect of forcing you to develop a more creative and nuanced language, where you’re able to express yourself as forcefully as you need without relying on a handful of four letter words. (Unless you do what Joyce does anyway.) Like I’ve told my kids, you can swear as much as you want, but only when you no longer need to.

    1. Andiemus

      Except that assumes that there is only one meaning to the different words. The use of, say, the word bongo can mean many things based on context. Going all Breaking Bad and saying “science, bongo” or something similar doesn’t necessarily cheapen the impact of calling a person one.

      1. Crimson Doom

        I disagree. The more a word is used, the less people pay attention to it. Do you pay attention when someone uses the word “the”? Does it draw your attention when someone says “jerk”? Not really. The more a word is used, the less impact it will have simply because people hear it more frequently.

        Of course, this is from someone who never has and never will swear, so it’s possible I’m missing some nuances on that front.

        1. Andiemus

          The subtext and context are quite important, so I would say you’re absolutely missing the nuances.

        2. Narf

          Just a nuance or two.

    2. StClair

      I (fondly) remember a Doonesbury strip where a soldier returning to active duty admitted that he’d been away long enough to forget how to use the F-word. A comrade helpfully reminds him, “just like a comma.”

  40. Aeron

    Damn, Sarah needs 20 bucks like right now!

    1. Doctor_Who

      To renew her Tourette’s medication prescription.

      1. Narf

        Tourette’s ≠ Coprolalia, silly Doctor (not to say that Tourette’s patients never have coprolalia, of course… it’s just kind of a lame joke).

  41. Van Jealous

    “Con Sarn It!” (for those us old enough to remember “The King and Odie”

  42. Devlerbat

    I have been in Joyce’s shoes. Granted I was in middle school the last time I had such a situation, but still it is unpleasant.

    1. Tom T.

      It’s bullying, frankly.

  43. Jacquie H

    But seriously kids, it’s not nice to fuck with the kid who won’t cuss. Also, it is hilarious when you spill your soda and yell “FUDGE COOKIES!”

    It catches everyone by surprise.

  44. ADHadh

    Reminds me of junior high. Except no one offered me money.

  45. Gottawonder

    My mother could swear without ever using an accepted standard cuss word. I taught my daughter to do the same.

    “Please, eat excrement and expire”, has a certain ring to it.

    Shame on you Joe. It’s funny, but still….there are people out there that just don’t want to swear and should not. Like Joyce.

    1. Bill

      ” ‘Please, eat excrement and expire’, has a certain ring to it.”

      Especially if one says it in a plain, conversational, matter-of-fact tone.  Dismissing misfortune with the phrase “Fertilizer occurs” is also good.

  46. Maycroft

    C’mon Joyce, you can do a lot with 20 bucks.

  47. amusedandconfused

    Dammit, Joe, stop tempting Joyce to sin.

    1. CallMeIshmael

      Damnation and its variants are in the New Testament, you know.

      Matthew 23:14 – Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.

      Matthew 23:33 – Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?

      Mark 3:29 – But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation.

      Mark 12:40 – Which devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayers: these shall receive greater damnation.

      Mark 16:16 – He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

      Luke 20:47 – Which devour widows’ houses, and for a shew make long prayers: the same shall receive greater damnation.

      John 5:29 – And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.

      Romans 3:8 – And not rather, (as we be slanderously reported, and as some affirm that we say,) Let us do evil, that good may come? whose damnation is just.

      Romans 13:2 – Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

      Romans 14:23 – And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

      1 Corinthians 11:29 – For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body.

      2 Thessalonians 2:12 – That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

      1 Timothy 5:12 – Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith.

      2 Peter 2:1 – But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.

      2 Peter 2:3 – And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.

      Which is what makes Joyce’s “quandry” (and the subsequent imaginary white-knighting) here pretty hilarious.

      1. saltchocolate

        Uh . . . I believed you by the second quote . . . But thanks for the tour.

      2. Crimson Doom

        The thing is, those are the words used in context. It’s not swearing if you speak of them in the original context. A female dog is a bongo, no swearing; say that to a human, and it is. Damnation and damn are the same. So it being in the Bible doesn’t mean it’s not swearing if used… well, as a swear word.

        1. Yet Another Laura H.

          Right. Fun fact: in certain time slots, you can say “shit” on network television, but it MUST NOT refer to actual feces.

          Sometimes I don’t understand the FCC.

        2. begbert2

          Joe didn’t say she couldn’t use the word in context, so she’s missed out on an easy ten bucks.

          “Joe, trying to tempt people to sin is a good way to damn yourself. Now give me the money.”

        3. khambatta

          Exactly; context is everything. So when Joyce uses “fudge”, “a-hole”, “dang”, or whatever, she is swearing.

    2. John

      Joe can stop trying to get Joyce to swear for money, but he can’t stop tempting her to sin. He’s doing that just sitting there smelling all nice like that.

  48. Louu

    I really don’t want Joyce to swear, don’t do it Joyce don’t do iiiiiit

  49. nothri

    I don’t like the direction this is taking. This is going from “Joyce is adorable” towards “Joyce is adorable but is being pushed around”. And I don’t want this to dovetail into more angst and legit breakdown territory. It’ll be Bambie’s mother all over again.

    1. isitsevenyet

      Have to agree. I don’t swear, either, and I have been in the position of being made to feel childish and immature for it. I really feel for Joyce in this arc.

      1. begbert2

        Well, the problem isn’t that she doesn’t swear. What got her into this is her particular way of *not* swearing, which can be unanimously agreed to be hilarious.

        1. nothri

          Sure, but there’s a line between giving your friends a hard time and being a asshole that makes people feel bad. Right now we’re still on the acceptable side of that threshold, but my suspicion is that Joe won’t know (and might not care) when too far is too far.

        2. Narf

          You know how when you’re a little kid, swearing is seen as bad, and if you do it, you’re rejecting what you’re supposed to do, and often receive unwanted attention for it?

          Well, when you’re 18 years old hanging out with a bunch of your 18-year-old peers, not swearing (especially in the adorable way that Joyce does it) has become the rejection of the norm, and Joyce is receiving a similar sort of unwanted attention for it.

          I’m not saying that Joyce is wrong for not swearing, or that Joe & Company are right for teasing her for it, I’m just illustrating that that’s how it is.

          If Joyce wants to keep on not-swearing like she does, she’s going to have to put up with a little ridicule for it – just like the eight-year-old version of me had to put up with lectures about why “FUCKIN’ JESUS CHRIST!” was not an appropriate response to accidentally running off a cliff in Super Mario World – because it is behaviour that contradicts the expected norms.

        3. nothri

          Which is why Dorothy should make more than a token effort to step in and deflect Joe’s dickery. Joyce rejected her “norm” by defying her family in support of Dorothy. Least Dorothy could do is step up and do the same.

  50. Alden

    Sarah doesn’t have a swear jar, she has a swear 40-gallon drum. It’s putting her through college.

  51. CallMeIshmael

    I’m just going to leave these usages of the word “damnation” in the Bible riiiiiiight here.

    Matthew 23:14 – Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.

    Matthew 23:33 – Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?

    Mark 3:29 – But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation.

    Mark 12:40 – Which devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayers: these shall receive greater damnation.

    Mark 16:16 – He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

    Luke 20:47 – Which devour widows’ houses, and for a shew make long prayers: the same shall receive greater damnation.

    John 5:29 – And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.

    Romans 3:8 – And not rather, (as we be slanderously reported, and as some affirm that we say,) Let us do evil, that good may come? whose damnation is just.

    Romans 13:2 – Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

    Romans 14:23 – And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

    1 Corinthians 11:29 – For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body.

    2 Thessalonians 2:12 – That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

    1 Timothy 5:12 – Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith.

    2 Peter 2:1 – But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.

    2 Peter 2:3 – And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.

    1. CallMeIshmael

      Also, while I’m at it, doesn’t the commandment specify not to take the LORD’S name in vain, not just use rude words?

      Something tells me that YHWH isn’t adverse to a well-timed “Douche-canoe” or “shit-goblin” either, given his published output.

      1. nick

        I’m going to have to start using those

    2. AdInfinitumSpero

      So is rape, murder (even done by the ‘good guys’) and a whole host of other things I’m sure Joyce wouldn’t partake in either.

      1. Andiemus

        So… basing your behavior on the Bible is a silly disguise for cherry-picking?

        1. Crumplepunch

          Correct.

      2. Glynvel

        It sounds like you are confusing “Saying a word” with “Committing the act that a word refers to”.

      3. CallMeIshmael

        Yes, but Joyce can say the word “murder” can’t she? She doesn’t go “Man, that test was m-word.”

        Basically, I fail to see how anyone can claim not saying “damnation” is a moral issue, if they’re adhering to a version of Christianity that says the Bible is the holy, undiluted word of god.

        Or, in other words, Joyce not saying damn =! Joyce saying “Fuck”. And her not being able to say the word is indicative of something else quite telling.

        1. begbert2

          What it’s indicative of is ‘being raised by conservative parents’. It’s not *that* telling.

        2. Narf

          +1

      4. VZG

        Saying the word is not the same as doing it. One who believes in the text should be able to read it aloud; that does not mean one who believes in the text should be able to act it out.

    3. isitsevenyet

      “Damn” is not always considered a swear, but it depends on context. Using it in correct context is fine, but using it as an insult or as an expression of anger or what have you is considered swearing. I know, it sounds unnecessarily complicated. But the Bible does have several verses which mention not using obscene language, it’s just not specific as to WHAT is obscene. Culture determines that more than anything.

  52. Psi-Baka-Onna

    This is probably the first time I can relate to Joyce! I never used to swear as a kid as my mum abhorred it. She always used to say things like flip-flops instead of the F-word etc.

    So one day a bunch of boys decided to try and bully me about it on the way home from school, one of them randomly yelling at me “hey, why don’t you ever swear?!” to which my immediate response was “fuck off!”

    …Alright, maybe I can’t relate to Joyce after all.

  53. The Phantom's Belch

    Joyce: “Ah, fiddlesticks!”
    Joe: “…”
    Sarah: *stands up* “Joyce said the F-word!”

  54. Tenn

    Now I don’t want Joyce to swear anymore. I only want her to swear out of genuine anger, not because she’s offered twenty bucks or wants to ride a motorcycle.

  55. Rob Carlson

    I’m with Joyce on this one. Some people just aren’t comfortable with swearing, and that’s fine. She’s not being a prude here, she’s just being herself.

  56. Jack Finch

    Joe, money won’t do it. You gotta put up some tacos

    1. Crimson Doom

      …tacos made of money?

      Maybe money made out of tacos…

  57. hof1991

    Tell him to fudge off Joyce. Once you establish that you will compromise for money, then it is all just matter of bargaining over price and time.

  58. Beth

    Reminds me of a kid I worked with who wouldn’t even say the word “God”, not even when actually talking about God. In a conversation about eternity, he said, “The saved go to heaven and the *emphatic shrug* go to *emphatic point down*.” I replied, “Patrick, the word you’re looking for is ‘damned’. The damned go to hell.” Then his eyes got real big and he held out his cross necklace like he was warding off Satan himself. I’m a Christian myself, but I still thought it was funny.

  59. Anonymous

    “Wait! We should at least hear her reason for not swearing before pressuring her!”
    “I just want to hear her swear!”
    “Welp, you’re on your own now, Joyce.”

    What happened to hearing her reason for not swearing first…?

    1. Bill

      I think we all know the reason Joyce will not say certain words.  It’s because for the last eighteen years she has had it drilled into her that “good girls don’t talk like that”, or a variation on that theme.

      1. Andy

        And, really, it’s absolutely ridiculous that she can’t actually describe the punishment for not believing in their religion. If you’re a Christian who can’t even say “damnation,” what’s the point?

        Also, how can she say hell but not damnation?

        1. LordHaw

          I’ve known Christian people who would not even say the word “hell” even in a non-curse fashion. I used to be one of those. I used to be Joyce (in the non-swearing sense). Friends used to try their best to get me to swear which never worked. I finally gave in after years of pressure and gave them a hearty “Fuck!” one day…shocked them 🙂
          I curse when needed but I am a believer in better use of vocabulary for the most part. Sometimes you just gotta curse though.

        2. begbert2

          I’m a believe in using all the words you have available, with an awareness of their meaning, intent, and emphasis. Which includes swears, at times.

        3. sps48

          Kingsville, Texas officially mandated that city/ county phones would be answered with “Heaven-O” instead of “Hello” because Leonso Canales, Jr. is focused waaaay too much on the “Hell” in “Hell-O”.

        4. Kernanator

          What.

        5. Kernanator

          That may actually be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

        6. Thasvaddef

          Heaven-P! Heaven-en was hit and wasn’t wearing her heaven-met!

        7. ninja_jesus

          Salutations would’ve been nice too.

    2. VZG

      One: she didn’t give one.
      Two: most of the more rational reasons she might have had went out the window when she couldn’t say “damnation”, which isn’t actually a swear.

  60. Anonymoose

    Joe, no. Stop tempting Joyce. That’s mean. :I

  61. hof1991

    Have to say, I’m disappointed with Dorothy and Sarah right now. Joe hits on them and Joyce stands up to defend them. Joe asks Joyce to violate a deeply held belief for cash and they are all – “you’re on your own” . After all, it just a meaningless act.

    Would Dorothy kiss Joe for $100? Why not? It would just be a meaningless act that would violate some merely personal belief. Roz would encourage her to go for it and use the money for condoms. Once you open the marketplace, all that’s left is the haggling over price and conditions.

    Swearing doesn’t make one a grownup. I deal with 13 year olds all the time who think that dropping F-bombs make them sound…adult? persuasive? intelligent? Mainly it get them asked to leave the building. Recently, one on her way out said “are you fucking kidding me?” Hilarious and sad at the same time.

    If Joyce decides later that her righteous anger should be expressed with a larger vocabulary – fine. Performing for money is another matter altogether. Come on Joyce, drop a Bible quote on him.

    1. Delirio

      Yeah, really – cursing for the hell of cursing? Joe and Sarah are being kind of dicks to her, taking pleasure in her discomfort; Dorothy seems to start to put up a half-hearted defense of Joyce’s values but then within seconds gives up and throws her under the bus when Joe’s challenge is something she considers innocuous. WTH, Dorothy? Way to go after the previous day’s heartfelt, brave defense.

      And we’re back to the initial morning encounter with Sal: Joyce does not really know what it is like to “rebel” and those around her aren’t helping — Sal’s response got lost in sarcasm (Joyce stood up to her parents but was not disrespectful and justified her decision to stick by Dorothy on their very own Christian upbringing. Yet she went on to seek validation in the wrong place: Sal’s reaction was to the effect of “So? You did and said the decent thing; call me when you do or say something offensive”, because that’s what Sal thinks rebellion is all about.) Joyce’s reaction in recurring to “kiddie cusses” just makes things worse in everyone else’s perception. The more appropriate thing for the person with those values is NOT to use kiddie cusses but to use expanded vocabulary (e.g.: “You’d better not try anything with Sarah or I’ll make sure to make you sorry: don’t be fooled, I can!”).

      It still does not excuse tormenting the girl about it.

    2. JA

      Swearing for the sake of swearing is childish, I’ll agree. One has to be intelligent about how, when, and why they swear. A well placed fuck or shit can make a statement more powerful.

      And before someone says “Well you can do that without swearing”, just…no. Curse words are curse words for a reason. They’re meant to shock or make you uncomfortable, and knowing how to effectively use them is a good thing.

    3. VZG

      Except they don’t KNOW that it’s a deeply held belief. She hasn’t said why she won’t swear, and she’s refusing to say something that even sounds like a swear, which makes it seem very much like her reasons aren’t very good ones (thus Dorothy’s “you’re on your own” — she could potentially back up an argument with some hint of logic). It’s not like Joe’s actually doing anything other than asking her to do it, and he doesn’t know why she doesn’t do it, either. He’s not forcing her into anything. $20 isn’t going to change her life either way. It’s really, really not that a big deal.

      I think Joe’s an asshole, but not for this.

      1. insomniac

        Yeah, people seem to be quick to assume it’s a “deeply held belief,” rather than “I’m still afraid mom is standing behind me and would send me to my room.”

        1. John

          If it’s a deeply held belief, I think Joyce going the fudge off on Joe’s poo a couple strips ago violated it more deeply than what Joe’s trying to get her to do. Joe just wants Joyce to say a word. The other day, Joyce may not have been saying the words, but she clearly meant the words. She was cussing in her heart, where it counts.

          And why are people giving Sarah shit? She just wants twenty bucks.

      2. Delirio

        Wait, I thought everyone around her knew she’s very religiously devout. At least Dorothy would. They can’t figure out just from that why she would find it non-trivial? But yes, she should not have been fudging up Joe’s poo to begin with – she’s just stuck in her utter misunderstanding of what it all means (the Sermon of the Mount does indeed include an admonition to not even call people insulting names).

    4. David Willis

      I’m sure Joyce “dropping a Bible quote” on Joe would just make him laugh more. I’m not sure it would accomplish anything if she’s not presenting it to anyone who takes it as seriously as she does, like with her parents. Especially if, with Joe, she uses the New Testament. And even with the Old Testament? “Dude, who are you, WE wrote that, don’t try to throw that at me!”

      1. ninja_jesus

        All the more reason to throw it at him. I remember a certain two cities named Sodom and Gomorrah that would like to have a word with his pre-marital hanky-panky-having.

        1. David Willis

          You keep missing the point that Joe doesn’t really give a fuck what’s in the Bible.

  62. Vancore

    Growing up I didn’t swear a lot either, so much so that a similar situation happened to me. I just got insulted by the notion of money offered for something that to me, I had said a few times, so I pretty much just walked away from the conversation after glaring at them. Not only did I think they would not pay up, I figured it was just a quick way to get a laugh out of the shy guy and I wasn’t going to let them be ‘entertained’ by me. Hey I had my pride, even as a recluse, besides swear words are for when your really pissed off damn it!

    1. insomniac

      I’m from the Northeast. Swear words are what we have instead of commas.

  63. Plaid Wolf

    i knew a girl just like Joyce in college back in the late 70s….she also refused to swear, but at times, there are situations where “Gosh golly” just doesnt quite convey the emotion. So i taught her ‘basty nastard’ as a way to swear without swearing. Worked real well for a couple of months until some guy pissed her off, and she re-reversed her phonemes….while she was embarrassed, at her slip, she realized that swearing actually has a place and soon afterward, started using the proper words…..

  64. MR K

    Give her a thousand dollars if she can sing NWA songs. Fudge the police!

    1. Thasvaddef

      Fudge tha police
      Comin straight from the underground
      Young person of color got it bad cuz I’m brown
      And not the other color so police think
      They have the authority to kill a minority

      Fudge that poop, cuz I ain’t tha one
      For a punk mutha fudger with a badge and a gun
      To be beatin on, and throwin in jail
      We could go toe to toe in the middle of a cell

  65. insomniac

    You know, while I agree that it’s petty to torment someone just for the fuck of it, I’m getting a bit annoyed at all the people who get smug and superior about not swearing, or not needing to swear. As well as the implications that swearing is an indication of poor mastery of language.

    (Poe, Vonnegut, Shakespeare, and Kerouac are among the many great writers who may want to have a word with you.)

    1. VZG

      This. A thousand times this.

      And everybody and their mother thinks they know the “right” way to swear. If you aren’t angry and you swear, you’re just doing it to be “cool” (yeah, right, sure). If you ARE angry and you swear, you’re letting your emotions rule you and your argument has no actual traction (because nobody gets upset when other people are being cruel or ignorant). And then there are the people who think you don’t have the “right” to swear in front of anyone other than yourself, because of etiquette rules decided in the early 1900s that probably include the proper etiquette for forcing your daughters into loveless marriages for the sake of cash money.

      Fuck all of that.

      1. insomniac

        Oh, the whole “you should never get ANGRY about things that effect you, you should remain perfectly rational and disinterested at all times or the people who hate you won’t take you SERIOUSLY” thing is its own whole special load of bullshit.

  66. Aeyt

    she just needs to be clever, say Dam, snag his money and then say that’s what a beaver makes.

    1. Specter177

      I did this once when I was a kid. It did not fool my mom.

  67. VZG

    You go and darn him to heck, Joyce.

    Or is heck too bad to say? I wasn’t supposed to say it for a while as a kid, and then it was on Rocko’s Modern Life and I didn’t know WHAT to think.

    1. captainswift

      Oh, yeah. I’ve definitely heard that logic. “Heck” is just replacing “Hell”. If you say “Oh, fudge”, you might as well have said the other thing. You were thinking it, so it’s just as bad. My 11th grade English teacher was big on the whole “cutesy swearing is still swearing” thing.

  68. I don't know what to put here

    INNOCENCE.
    MUST.
    CORRUPT.

  69. Narf

    I fuckin’ like to swear, and I won’t ever fuckin’ stop swearing because people express negative opinions about swearing or those who swear.

    I also wholly disagree with the sentiment that swearing too goddamn much means that you’re a moronic asshole or an uneducated fuckwit – because I can attest that a love of fuckin’ curse words can and does go hand in hand with a broadly expansive vocabulary, a solid grasp of syntax and a general love of one’s motherfuckin’ language, bongoes – who says it can’t?

    That being said, however, if someone requests I tone down my swearing (like, their fuckin’ kids are nearby or some shit) for the moment, 99% of the time, I will comply – because goddamn, it’s not too fuckin’ hard to just stop using so many shit-eating curse words for a few fuckin’ minutes.

    Although, if they’re fuckin’ condescending about it, I might just keep on going to piss ’em off. Assholes. 😀

    1. Jenny Creed

      Challenge: Tell us how much you like swearing without using any swear words.

  70. Joe

    My best friend in high school wouldn’t curse, but loved Jackass.
    It was pretty funny whenever he’d start to talk about Jackbutt.

  71. Adam

    Anyone notice that Joyce is eating tacos?

  72. Aljax

    A while ago, someone told me that using a different word to keep from swearing doesn’t do anything. All you’re doing is making that other word just as bad. You’re using to convey the same ideas, but making it “safer” so that you don’t feel as bad. But all that does is make your “safe” word a new swear word. So by Joyce saying Darnation, or even just B-word, she’s still swearing, just no one realizes it because THEY believe those words don’t have the same power as what THEY call swear words.

  73. Volkai

    That’s quite the quandry.

    On the one hand MONEY.

    On the other hand SWEARS ARE BAD.

    On the other other hand, WHY ARE SWEARS REALLY SO BAD AFTER ALL AND SERIOUSLY TWENTY BUCKS TO SAY ONE WORD.

    Joe, you bastard.

  74. hoop

    I can personally vouch that this is a thing that actually happened to Walky back in the day. I don’t know who was offering the money, but I remember it happening.

  75. Roborat

    So, I guess Joyce cannot become a civil engineer then, as she will never be able to describe the structure she wants to build to stop the flow of water and generate electricity.

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