169

Rhys
Posted on March 16, 2024 by David M Willis

169 thoughts on “Rhys”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “RICHARD AYOADE”

    “YOU’RE more Ayoade than *I* am!”

    “MAGGIE SMITH”

    /Jackie Chan Meme Face

    1. Red

      bwahahaha

    2. Thag Simmons

      “That guy who plays the Wannabe Imperial dude in Andor”

      1. Thag Simmons

        I was trying to think of an obscure british character actor and whoops it turns out I named an american.

        1. Schpoonman

          I’ve apparently done a decent job excising a lot of the Sequel Trilogy out of my head, because I cannot remember the name of the Imperial who had the petty rivalry with Kylo Ren. I know he was in Ex Machina (also with Oscar Isaac). Fuck it, looking it u–Domhnall Gleeson. Eff you, that was legit, came to me as I was typing the sentence.

          “He’s Irish!”

        2. Thag Simmons

          For some reason Irish actors often play really good evil British officer types.

        3. Schpoonman

          Heh.

        4. Hof1991

          Gotta know your enemies. Better than they know themselves.

    3. june gloom

      This is extra funny because I hear Jason in Tom Scott’s voice.

      1. Thag Simmons

        It feels like a bit of an insult to Tom Scott to say that it fits basically perfectly.

    4. David DeLaney

      “William Shatner!”

      “… he’s CANADIAN, you daft gob!”

    5. Mturtle7

      I think I might have scared my roommate from laughing so loud at that last image. Well done, Ana, well done.

  2. Doctor_Who

    Jason: On the one hand, he might die. On the other hand, he might not. Decisions, decisions.

    1. Needfuldoer

      Walky will get the jitters fast enough to travel through time. Knowing his luck, he’ll land at the beginning of his next class when the homework is due.

      1. David DeLaney

        DO NOT EVER OFFER THIS NECTAR TO ROBIN

        1. Dr. Sharks

          I have bad news.

        2. David DeLaney

          but will i be able to play the violin afterwards, Doctor

    2. anon

      it would be interesting for walky to have some sugar crash/blackout/fast forward like Robin used to have lol

      1. Ana Chronistic

        used to ?

        1. anon

          well she doesn’t have superpowers in this continuity but even if walky blacked out from a sugar overdose i don’t think that the plot would fast forward more than a week

    3. Morleuca

      It tastes like garbage. I’ve never managed to drink more than a couple mouthfuls.

  3. Sirksome

    See this is why I don’t like Jason. He thinks everything’s about him. You’re gonna run into people who live and attend classes on this campus dude. Get over yourself.

    1. True Survivor

      I’m honestly not sure if Jason is deeply self-absorbed or just slightly stuck and very paranoid. That or maybe he is just deeply ashamed of what happened with Sal, and so he feels the shadow of guilt following him all the time (Walky just looks like its embodiment, for he resembles the child they could have had????)

      1. Thag Simmons

        That would track with him calling Walky “The beating tell-tale heart of my foolish indiscretions”

      2. Mark

        “The wicked fleeth where no man pursueth.”

  4. Thag Simmons

    Yeah, you cannot under any circumstances give Walky concentrated Coke Syrup. Shouldn’t be giving it to Robin either, honestly.

    1. True Survivor

      Yeah, either would lead to a very sticky situation.

      1. wwwhhattt

        <3

    2. Rose by Any Other Name

      … so is the coffee for Jason then?
      Or is he pouring the syrup into the cup for Robin? Cause I can just as easily imagine her drinking it directly from the bag.
      Questions questions.

      1. Thag Simmons

        Oh I assume the Coffee is for Jason, I don’t think Robin waters down her fix and she probably owns a mug.

        1. clif

          I assumed that the mug was Robin’s and while he was technically not fetching Robin coffee, he was fetching her concentrated soda.

        2. Aura

          This is my take as well, that the takeaway cup either is or is going to be filled with the cola syrup, which is what he is fetching for Robin in place of coffee.

      2. staszu13

        I believe that’s either an empty cup, to fill up with Coke syrup, or it is indeed Jason’s coffee

      3. Warcodered

        Pretty sure it’s Robin’s, we’re in a universe where instead of her being a sugar addict that gets super powers from it she’s just a plain sugar addict.

    3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      I can never drink Dr. Pepper because it tastes too much like theophylline, a great asthma medication that tastes horrible, like Dr. Pepper syrup with no sweetener at all.

      1. clif

        My sympathy.

      2. Needfuldoer

        Same, except for me it tastes like Robitussin.

        1. Proxiehunter

          Only if she wants Robin to start licking her.

        2. Proxiehunter

          I don’t know what happened. That was suposed to be a reply to Valdvin.

    4. Max

      In China I once had Sprite from a soda fountain with little to no water added. That was one of the nastiest things I’ve ever tasted.

    5. ValdVin

      So your saying Leslie shouldn’t be bathing in it?

    6. anon

      i’m surprised she wouldn’t have her own personal stockpile , assuming jason bought it/got it on her card versus bringing it from her room or so

  5. Nono

    So does Jason still bartend at Galasso’s?

    1. RassilonTDavros

      A quick archive scroll tells me he hasn’t been seen working there in-comic since he became Robin’s TA, but I’m not sure if that’s definitive proof that he no longer works there.

      1. Thag Simmons

        Shame, he’s a better bartender than he is a TA.

        1. butting

          If a TA gave me a mug full of Coke syrup I’d forgive them damn near anything, and would be full of gratitude and good will for as long as my heart held out.

        2. David DeLaney

          your Booster avatar is perfectamundo here

    2. Sirksome

      He can work two jobs.

      1. The Aussie Bloke

        Not according to his visa!

        1. Stanistani

          Ah! The Mighty Halo!

        2. Pergola

          No? I thought that would make him twice as legit.

  6. True Survivor

    Why…why would Robin want that? Also, does she have her own soda fountain?

    1. NGPZ

      She moved on to the stronger stuff it seems. 😮

      She must be a real Peppino Spaghetti with all that speed. XD

      1. RassilonTDavros

        I really need to play Pizza Tower.

        1. NGPZ

          Thankfully my friend just gave me a copy to distract myself while I wait for my Discord account to be freed from the Sunken Place.

          Really thankful to her. :_;

    2. drs

      OG Robin wouldn’t need a soda fountain, she would just drink the syrup.

      1. Dday

        If Walkyverse Robin consumed *that* she’d probably wake up as Earth hegemon, plus also have cured cancer and half of AIDS.

        1. Opus the Poet

          +1 for the callback, in the Walkyverse she drank Mountain Dew syrup because it was the most highly caffeinated soda syrup

    3. Rose by Any Other Name

      I feel like those who didn’t read Shortpacked! are less likely to get this joke.

      Robin’s sugar habit has been less pronounced in the Dumbverse, I feel.

    4. Mark

      To wash down the Cadbury Creme Egg Cereal?

    5. Da Boy

      The Caffeine Must Flow

  7. C.T. Phipps

    This reminds me of the urban legend of the guy who ordered pure caffeine, scooped it into his coke and then died of a heart attack. I wonder if this will be how Walkerton dies.

    1. Rose by Any Other Name

      This is the set-up for the next time-skip.

      1. David DeLaney

        as the entire cast plus Arnold are dragged helplessly in Robin’s wake of speed-lines, Barry-Allen-like (the blond one)

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      I think the LD50 for caffeine is something like 10 grams for a human, around 100 cups of coffee.

      1. clif

        I originally read that as the LSD for caffeine, and then decided not to correct myself.

      2. HueSatLight

        FDA says 400 mg a day is a safe amount for a healthy adult. I was just reading about this yesterday because of Panera killing a couple of customers with caffeinated lemonade.

        1. C.T. Phipps

          Yeah, it’s apparently not an urban legend but just a tragedy of not marking the dangers of the raw substance and selling it to anyone who pays.

      3. Needfuldoer

        Fry, his tax refund spent.

        1. Opus the Poet

          Crossing the stream there with 2 different franchises.

        2. David DeLaney

          remixing memes is how the great epics are -made-

      4. Da Boy

        You either die or go into Bullet Time like Fry

    3. GoodbyBallad

      Some bodybuilders or wannabe bodybuilders take caffeine powder, and one measured out grams rather than milligrammes, which killed him via heart attack very quickly.

  8. Schpoonman

    Personally speaking as a dipshit, Walky, you don’t want soda syrup straight. It needs carbonated water. Robin is a terrible (as in inspiring terror) and eldritch being beyond your ken.

    Now if you make your own syrup, like, say, a cup of honey and maple syrup each, the zest and juice of three oranges, the juice of one lemon, three cinnamon sticks, two star anise pods, some vanilla, simmer all that together for 10 minutes, then let cool, you could eat that straight.

    Brought a bottle of the stuff to the restaurant where I work for custom Italian cream sodas (1 oz syrup, 1 oz heavy cream, shake over ice, add soda water to fill a Tom Collins glass), told coworkers about it, and the 16 oz bottle was finished in two days. I only got three sodas out of the damn thing. Front of house is a bunch of jackals, I tell you.

    1. DashWallkick

      Walky is so food brained I think he would enjoy it purely for the fact that he’s drinking syrup as a snack.

      1. Schpoonman

        This is the man who ate a chip off a toilet bowl.

        Oh god, it hurts just thinking about that one.

    2. ktbear

      Dammit, where am I going to find citrus at this time of year? (Its autumn down here at the bottom of the world)

      1. Agemegos

        And yet my lime tree is covered in fruit. I got seventy off it last week.

        1. Agemegos

          And another twenty-eight this afternoon!

          The weather the last twelve months has been crazy. I barely rained here from the beginning of May until the last week of October. In the last six days of October we got more rain than in the six months preceding, and yet that was not enough to bring October up to average rainfall. Since then we’ve been about 25% about average in each month. It has been a great season for mangoes (pretty much like the monsoon climate they’re adapted to, but everything else is seriously out of whack. Several of my citrus blossomed twice and have two crops on them three months apart in maturity. I guess the hammer is going to fall as the days start getting shorter.

    3. butting

      But… caffeine?

      Coke syrup’s hard to source in some regions. A freeze-thaw cycle can fix that: freeze a bottle of Coke (after squeezing it a tad with the cap off to make room for expansion), then thaw it out slowly upside down and tap the syrup off while the water’s still frozen.

      As the Guide would say: “Drink… but… very carefully.”

      (if you REALLY need a morning pick-up, it’s theoretically feasible to gently boil it down to the consistency of vegemite and then spread it over pancakes. good luck.)

      1. Schpoonman

        I’m imagining Robin keeping an stalagmite of frozen Coke in her residence like a saltlick, stopping by it every so often to replenish.

    4. CianM1301

      scribbles down in notebook

      1. Schpoonman

        Tinker with the spices for me, the very first batch I made had some cloves in it and while it wasn’t bad it sat atop the rest of the flavor/aroma and was a little distracting.

  9. Rosicrucian

    Robin in this universe doesn’t have superpowers but I guess also doesn’t have super diabetes.

    1. Needfuldoer

      Not yet she doesn’t!

  10. Wraithy2773

    …Walky, the “English Name” thing isn’t funny, its just bullying and you acting like a dick at this point. Please cut it the fuck out.

    1. HueSatLight

      But he’s a social delight, beloved by all /s

    2. shrub

      There are times Walky really needs a good slapping, figuratively or literally

      In this case its both (plus for his interaction with Joe)

    3. Daibhid C

      Okay, this is where things get complicated for me.

      Firstly, hard disagree on it not being funny, although at this point what’s actually funny is that he’s not even good at it.

      Secondly … I totally accept that my usual defence of these things, that it’s fine as long as everyone takes it in good part, absolutely doesn’t apply here. Jason is not taking this in good part, Walky knows this, and, considered as a real interaction between two people, he should absolutely cut it out. (I’m not sure I’d go as far as calling it bullying, because I feel the power dynamic’s wrong; Walky is punching up, sort of. But I wouldn’t disagree too strenously with someone who did.)

      But … it’s not an interaction between two real people, it’s a comic strip. And indignant Jason is funny Jason. Criticising Walky in this strip kind of feels like saying Torquay Council should have shut Fawlty Towers down halfway throught the first season, and possibly had Basil arrested. It’s absolutely true, but…

      1. Schpoonman

        If they could write Basil getting arrested so that it would have been a funny cap to the series, you could take it that route. It’s worth noting in the strip linked above Walky did get some physical “comeuppance” for his part in wasting Carla’s time. He’s not immune to consequences.

      2. Bash

        In a comic strip people have to act inappropriately for there to be humor.

      3. Mark

        Walky is feeling rotten; why shouldn’t everyone around him feel rotten too?

  11. BBCC

    God no, please keep that AWAY from Walky.

    1. NGPZ

      Si. Ideally he should seek a psychiatrist to see to it that he properly medicates his ADHD.

      But seeing that may be hard to come by in his current situation, he may have to resort to self-medicating like I have had to do most of my life. :/

      1. Mark

        He lives at an institution that creates psychiatrists. Could it really be that difficult?

        I got as far as typing “iu ment” into the search box before “iu mental health services” was suggested. A quick look suggests that the biggest problem is sorting through all of the various programs and choosing which to try first.

        Walky just hasn’t considered the possibility that he has a treatable mental health issue that is getting in his way.

        1. NGPZ

          I mean, there’s a chance he HAS?

          Why else would he say something like “my executive function flicks a spinner every five minutes”?

    2. Da Boy

      Let’s hope he never goes into energy drinks.

      1. NGPZ

        That’s… actually a very common means of self-medicating for ADHDers, particularly energy drinks that contain taurine.

        1. Leorale

          We could see if he’s the type of ADHDer who calms down when they have caffiene.

          (Not all ADHDers — but enough of us that it’s a thing.)

        2. David DeLaney

          *sipping my Dr-Pepper-generic-analog from local Food City, I nod*

  12. DailyBrad

    I’ve tried root beer syrup before, working in fast food. If this is anything like that, ehhh, you do not actually want it, Walky. It’s just really unpleasant to imbibe like that.

    1. ZerglingOne

      Pure Coca Cola syrup is a special kind of objectively disgusting. Trust me when I say, dilution and carbonation are 100% necessary.

      1. Schpoonman

        Yuuuuup.

        1. butting

          Cowards.

        2. NGPZ

          Damn now I’m too curious.

          I mean I’m the kind of girl who will legit drink maple syrup packets from Jack in the Box.

          Plus it’s a way of getting caffeine in less liquid volume than coffee, still easier to get in my state than Ritalin.

        3. DailyBrad

          It’s not a cowardice thing, honestly. I’m not scared of it, it’s just an unpleasant texture more than anything else. I’d still rather taste it than drink champagne again.

        4. Jamie

          I hope this is also your response to washing your mouth with soap.

      2. Rotunda

        A long time ago, Coca-Cola syrup was considered a medical remedy. Last year I found a bottle of the stuff from the 1960s in my parents’ house, packaged like a pharmacy prescription of the time with a typewritten label. I threw it out.

        1. eh, whatever

          Why did you throw it out? There’s so much phosphoric acid in it, it can’t possibly go bad.

        2. David DeLaney

          it starts OFF bad

          –Dave, i cannot stand cola sodas at all, but luv Dr Pepper. would try the syrup

        3. Mark

          If you don’t want to drink it, you can use it as rust remover.

  13. Carla's #2 Fan

    I didn’t expect Walky to like the gay pirate show, but I’m happy he does

    1. Taffy

      Neither of those actors are in Black Sails.

    2. NGPZ

      Here’s a riddle because distractions good —

      What do you call a gay pirate weak to sea water?

      1. clif

        I have no idea, but my pun-sensors are tingling.

        1. NGPZ

          a Devil Fruit :p

    3. David DeLaney

      but it’s so wholesome!

  14. Ray

    If I had more energy for rarepair crack, it occurs that this one could be a wildly funny disaster on its own.

  15. C.T. Phipps

    So since Jason’s thing is inappropriate relationships, how long until he sleeps with Robin?

    1. clif

      I just assumed he had, and moved on.

      1. staszu13

        Why else would he have Coke syrup?

    2. TerribleTransit

      Given Robin’s stated views on sex-pestery I feel she’s more likely to kick him to the curb — and out of the country — if he tries anything.

      1. Charles Phipps

        Except Jason isn’t a sex pest. His students and bosses come on to him.

        Which is why it’s a joke instead of a crime.

  16. Pocky

    Still weirds me out that he’s back lol

    1. HueSatLight

      When was the last time this guy talked with his advisor or gone to a class? As loath as I am to admit Walky has a point, what is Jason doing there?

      1. Charles Phipps

        Jason is sort of like Robin in that he’s a very likable character that got stuck with stories that aged VERY badly.

        Willis is the master of fixing reality, though!

        1. HueSatLight

          I’m sorry, what? I can’t tell if you’re joking about him being likeable and his backstory aged badly.

      2. DailyBrad

        He’s working for Robin, so I assume he’s probably gotten that stuff back on track, though I do wonder, if he’s also working for Galasso, how he finds the time to get anything done.

  17. Moon

    oh man Im re-reading the comic and Dr. Who here looks so different I almost didn’t recognize him

    1. Moon

      Im at the part where Sal incidentally becones a speedrunner
      https://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/03-up-all-night-to-get-vengeance/recklessly/

    2. Schpoonman

      That got a hard wheeze out of me, well done.

    3. Icalasari

      Well, The Doctor DOES regenerate

  18. Archieve

    Starting to think the extra passive aggressive snark is from Walky being in a particularly bad mood.

    1. shrub

      Or he’s just an arrogant little dipshit

      (You’re probably right)

      1. Bash

        Somebody may have hold him recently that he’s charming when he’s obnoxious.

        1. shrub

          Yes well the sooner Walky starts taking responsibility for his own actions and stops delegating it to Dorothy the better

    2. Yeet

      yeah he was kind of upset to see joyce and joe being happy
      guess he’s no longer cool about being (presumably ranging to definitely) single

  19. Amós Batista

    Did I see this “Pure Coca Cola syrup” for sale?
    I already bought a special Coca Cola bottle, for mix with special drinks.

  20. The Jighole Man

    Walky: What joyous thing is this I see? What ephemeral beauty is held before me? My heart flutters, my mind spins, I fear I may slip. But all will be well, if I get some of that sip.

  21. DarkoNeko

    aah, bonding

  22. staszu13

    Concentrated Coke syrup?
    On an errand for Robin, Jason?

  23. Amelie Wikström

    My grandfather used to run a typewriter repair shop. His one claim to fame was one time in his youth when the military took him into the deep woods to repair a copying machine under great secrecy. I never saw him have any customers or anything, but I always liked going there cause us kids would get a spare mechanical typewriter to destroy, and he had a soda fountain in the office.

    I remember the gross unflavored soda water better than the flavor syrup, though. It’s possible I went into a sugar coma from drinking that.

    1. Schpoonman

      My oldest brother likes sparkling water and I do not understand it for the life of me.

      1. Leorale

        It’s like water, but angrier

  24. Icalasari

    “Concentrated Cola Syrup? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized ENTIRELY into that bag?”
    “…Yes”
    “…Can I have some?”
    “…No”

    1. David DeLaney

      + “In this economy?”

    2. Proto

      “Well you are an odd fellow, Jason, but you make a good cola”

  25. Aura

    I’ve never heard of Rhys Darby, but if he is from New Zealand it would have been very amusing if Jason had incorrectly corrected Walky by saying he’s from Australia 😛

    1. Gnome dePlume

      He’s had roles in the Flight Of The Conchords tv series, Netflix Voltron and Our Flag Means Death.

      And I’m sorry to say that even suggesting as a joke that he’s Australian would have had violent repercussions.

      1. Aura

        Oh Flight of the Concords is very kiwi!

        New Zealanders’ greatest achievements being credited as Australian is a classic for a reason 😀

  26. someone

    It has to be for Robin; if Jason was drinking the stuff he’d have had a character redesign to look like Ronnie from Whomp!

    1. Da Boy

      He is an Englishman, he is required, by Law and Royal Decree to only consume caffeine as tea.

  27. Mr. Random

    Because it’s Jason, I don’t know if it’s a genuine answer or a lie to save his British pride.

  28. wakeangel2001

    I heard a spoonful of that syrup is great for settling an upset stomach

    1. David DeLaney

      you are P.L. Travers and I claim a wind change

  29. Hof1991

    I wonder how the soda stream concentrates are different from this. I use the sprite syrup, but I know they sell Pepsi mix in grocery stores.

  30. Yeet

    Jason. Jace. Big J. Jude Law.
    I get that you’re still feeling guilty about Sal but maybe if you didn’t stop to talk to Walky he wouldn’t stop to talk to you.

  31. Stephen Nedland

    Where did he get that? Restaurants are not allowed to sell that to the general public.

    1. CianM1301

      This is Robin we’re talking about, I’m sure she has her connections.

    2. nightshade

      actually you can buy it in drug stores ….people use it for stomach problems

  32. JA

    Wait Jason is drinking straight syrup? Is he trying to give himself diabetes?

    1. John Campbell

      Jason is Robin’s TA.

      If you’re not familiar with the other universe, Robin was literally a sugar-fueled speedster. She’s lost the alien-engineered superpowers in this universe, but apparently retained the disgusting eating habits.

      (Walky also had superpowers in the other universe, but I believe his disgusting eating habits are unrelated.)

    2. Li

      That’s not how diabetes works. It’s genetic, you don’t get it from consuming too much sugar.

      1. y3k

        Uh…no? Type 2 diabetes (the most common form) is absolutely caused by ingesting too much processed sugar over long periods of time. Like, yeah, Type 1 diabetes has a genetic aspect to it, and genetics can definitely make you more susceptible to type 2, but you can absolutely give yourself it.

    3. Woof McGee

      Callback to a 20 year old running gag.

  33. raultsi

    I’m having trouble interpreting Jason’s facial expression in the last panel.

    1. NGPZ

      He knows what’s gonna happen once the syrup intercepts it’s recipient, thinking to himself,

      “The things I do to stay in America.”

  34. Morleuca

    that looks like a bag-in-box bag of syrup. those things are heavy, or were 23 years ago. I’m impressed with Jason’s ability to carry one in his fingers like that.

    1. Kaiyalai

      Oh I assure you they are still heavy today.
      Though I think the new machines that let you mix things use much smaller bag-in-boxes than the traditional 5 and 2.5 units.

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