237

Splint
Posted on December 22, 2019 by David M Willis

237 thoughts on “Splint”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “How about Tick-Licker?”

    “Not as funny, go ahead”

    1. LeslieBean4shizzle

      … I now have “Tick-Licker” in my google search history because I had to know what the fuck that was.

      I will not say what I found, so others must google it as well.

      1. Jamie

        It was for this purpose that incognito mode exists.

        1. Sunny

          Also search engines like Ixquick or DuckDuckGo.

      2. MasakiSayz

        I don’t know what I was expecting it to be, but I was surprised.

    2. auroki

      Hehe the good ol Tick Licker. My dad has one of those

  2. Suet

    hehehe ball-peen

    DAMMIT

    1. Yet_One_More_Idiot

      I think if I was Blaine, I would’ve gone with a claw hammer. Or perhaps the classic lump hammer? Or really go for it with a sledgehammer??

      1. Suet

        I would also accept gavels and croquet mallets since all Blaine wants to do is blunt force injury

        *slowly plays the flute solo of Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer coz I know Blaine cannot swing one one-handedly*

        1. BarerMender

          I’m thinking a single jack.

      2. Geneseepaws

        And yet… Thor wields a hammer with one hand with grace and authority. Blain must use two hands? And please, call it a machinists hammer.

    2. Deanatay

      Oh, Willis. You missed out.

      The name of this comic could have been ‘Ball-Peen’. I mean, when is THAT going to come up again?

      *Deanatay says, knowing they’ll regret it later*

  3. Nono

    Blaine’s plan is to… bash Amazi-Girl’s head in? I expected something more eloquent, but hey, maybe he’s trying to emulate the Korean mob.

    1. ValdVin

      I think he plans to have Mike meet with an accident here.

    2. Whatevsman

      Dude recruited toe-dad for his assholery. I don’t think Blaine has an “eloquent” setting

      1. Reltzik

        He does, actually. It’s pretending to be a bigoted hate-Christian.

        …. look, fella, if you have to make a low bar into your A-game, please make it one that isn’t in the fifth sub-basement.

        1. Wizard

          For Blaine, it’s not so much “lowering the bar” as “digging a deep hole and throwing the bar into it”.

    3. Zellgato

      Pretty sure his plan was along those lines.. but blaming the other dad.

  4. BBCC

    Mike this literally the one target your asshole powers are a good fit for – Total Fuckwad, Inc.

    1. Regalli

      I mean, yes, but also we saw it backfire last time he tried on Blaine. Hopefully he’s leveled up since then? C’mon, Mike. Be decent.

      1. Jon Rich

        We don’t need Mike to be decent. We need him to be savage.

        1. Needfuldoer

          And out of melee range.

        2. dralou

          Yeah. I… actually don’t want to see (or hear, or read) that the lil’ mofo had his head crushed by a hammer. I don’t like Mike, but not to the point of feeling glee at the idea of him suffering severe trauma.

        3. BBCC

          Same. Joyce kicking him in the shins? All day, bring it on. Blaine killing him with a hammer? No thank you.

        4. Zellgato

          Historically….. the creator tends to have one large tragic death per “version” of his universes.
          Mike would fit the bill, as would this situation, given the past versions. (walky-first half, Its walky (second half), Shortpacked-though i don’t remember who if anyone in that one but I thought there was, etc)

          I was thinking that something like this would happen to Mike, Danny or possibly Sal. THos were my guesses from a year or so ago for the “death” that I assume would occur at some point.

  5. Deadjolras

    Where was he keeping that hammer?

    1. Alfie

      Back pocket probably

      1. Andy

        Is that a hammer in his pocket, or is he just happy to see Mike?

    2. Suitora

      Hammerspace, duh.

      1. Meagan

        *stoner hippie voice* We’re on the same wavelength man

      2. tim gueguen

        “Blaine no baka!” shouted the short haired girl as she swung her giant glowing hammer, sending him skyward.

    3. Meagan

      Hammerspace, of course. Which maybe you meant to imply?

    4. pdp15

      The second strip from this archive is the classic reference (for me anyway):

      https://tinyurl.com/tulq462

      1. CJ

        Or http://egscomics.com/comic/2003-04-29 .

      2. Joe Moose

        Narbonic! Sweet!

    5. znk

      this, but with balls/buttcheeks/…? ?
      https://tenor.com/view/anime-bazooka-boobs-gif-5525272

  6. LeslieBean4shizzle

    .. I would feel more comfortable about this if Mike had said “try” there.

    He sounds kinda fatalistic at the moment. And considering his current state of mind, that likely isn’t a good thing.

    1. auroki

      Dumbiverse Mike tends to be more eloquent in his speech habits when it comes to his long term planning. If he is recording this somehow, it would make sense for him not to say anything along the lines of him getting violent even if to defend himself. Makes the case against Blaine even more incriminating if he tells the cops that he was trying to buy time by talking till they arrived. Assuming that he has contacted them somehow.

      1. DT

        He has to be recording. He identifies Blaine by first and last name without being too blatant about it, identifies Blaine’s distinctive nose-splint, identifies the weapon…

        1. madock345

          Identifies that he’s with someone with a notable mustache

        2. vitalProximity

          OMG you’re both right. Points out Blaine’s nose-splint, too, also an easy visual identifier if he makes a break for it. And verbally identifies both the weapon and what it appears he’s going to do with it – i.e., notes that there is a visually implied threat, even if Blaine chickens out or messes up. (Isn’t threatening something with a deadly weapon also a crime, even without actually assaulting them? I can’t remember.) I suspect Mike’s got his phone in his pocket, 911 still on the line, call on speakerphone with volume turned off, so they can hear everything as it’s happening but Blaine can’t hear if they say something back.

          Good catch guys, can’t believe I didn’t catch that. Mike is… like ACTUALLY hella smooth. Smh.

        3. vitalProximity

          Although honestly, the weird “mustache” fumble should have tipped me off. It did trip me up for a second – it’s not an obvious verbal mistake to make on accident, and there was no obvious pun or insult I could spot, and I wasn’t sure what was up with it when I read it. That’s probably the only really weird thing. If Blaine didn’t have his head so far up his own ass singing his own praises in there, he might have noticed Mike’s one weird little slip-up. Buuuut… nope.

        4. LeslieBean4shizzle

          Sure – but that doesn’t mean that Mike isn’t looking for some catharsis via physical pain. His plan might to get his ass beaten on camera (or other recording device) to get Blaine arrested.

      2. znk

        I like the way you think!
        Live streaming/upload would perhaps be even better? (Though Mike could probably outrun those goons.)
        There are some apps who do that automatically with video in case the phone gets confiscated or destroyed, e.g. when documenting police violence. The human rights org WITNESS has written a few guides on the topic:
        https://www.witness.org/caught-camera-live-streaming-video-police-violence-u-s/
        (Some info might be out of date. Always check things work as expected before relying on them.)

        1. Mollyscribbles

          Livestreaming would be good, and because the timeline constantly updates there’d be a legit possibility for his phone to be capable of it.

    2. CC

      I’m just glad we have a Word of God that no one’s going to die tbh

      1. madock345

        It’s Mike though. Does it count as dying if it was never a person? /s

        I love Mike so much please don’t hurt him.

        1. vitalProximity

          *phew* You had me going there for a second bro D:

  7. Doctor_Who

    I always just kinda figured that Mike’s hair was a super hard shell or something.

    And not just because it looks like he spraypainted Jasper’s helmet yellow.

  8. Opus the Poet

    I can’t see Mike’s hands. Is he recording this, or connected to someone off-site who is recording this for later release if something happens to Mike, Amber, or Becky? That seems something Very Mike to do.

    1. Hugo Bedward

      Maybe he saw Ross hiding there earlier and set up a phone grip to be recording them

  9. Stephen Bierce

    *plays Emerson, Lake & Palmer’s “Karn Evil” on the hacked outdoors speakers*

    1. Stephen Bierce

      We have thrills and shocks
      Supersonic fighting cocks
      Leave your hammers in the box
      Move along, move along

      1. Geneseepaws

        Stephen has +3 of filk composing, he filked, it was epic.

    2. ValdVin

      I applaud you for not going with the obvious “If I had a Hammer”.

      1. Stephen Bierce

        Or “Nail It To The Wall”, or anything by MC Hammer. Or Jan Hammer.

        1. Miri

          Doob Doob Doob Doob
          Can’t touch this

          HOW did you drop that earworm in so effectively??

        2. Doom Shepherd

          “Hammer to Fall” by Queen could be a fit.

        3. Chris Phoenix

          Maxwell’s Silver Hammer

        4. KaiserKris

          Alas, it’s not a Square Hammer, though.

        5. RicardtheDragoon

          As much as I like Ghost, I can’t help but think HammerFall would be a better fit, especially “Let the Hammer Fall” which is disturbingly appropriate to this situation from the point of view of Blaine.
          By topic, Any Means Necessary could apply in spirit to Mike.

        6. Kamino Neko

          … I would love to see Ross react to that song. Or most of Ghost’s discography, really, but that one or He Is just feel like they’d get him riled more.

        7. KaiserKris

          Ghost has definitely got a few protests from right-wing evangelicals, but in general, rock music just doesn’t scare people the way it used to. Ghost is one of the very biggest new rock/metal bands around, but they *might* have sold about 200K copies of their latest album. Most people don’t even know they exist.

          Being a 90s kid, I do clearly remember the absolute panic that Marilyn Manson caused. I don’t think any musician has inspired that much fear and hatred since, and certainly not guitar music.

          Ross, of course, would fear and revile probably all popular music, regardless of genre.

        8. Kamino Neko

          Rock in general is a different thing than Ghost’s specifically Satanic-themed material. They had trouble recording Meliora, since they (inexplicably) decided to record in the US and thus finding both a studio willing to let them record and a choir willing to do the choral parts was harder than it should have been.

        9. Bicycle Bill

          KaiserKris — Blaine is not worthy to wield Mjölnir.
          Oh — you’re talking about a DIFFERENT Square Hammer.

        10. KaiserKris

          If you’re not familiar with the song Square Hammer, by Ghost, you should check it out if you have any fondness for guitar music at all. It’s really one of the very best rock singles of the decade.

        11. znk

          Oh, that might where Hammerfall – sorry, “HammerFall”… ? -took their name from? Anyway:
          I Am Downright Amazed at What I Can Destroy With Just a Hammer.
          Hammer Smashed Face.

        12. RicardtheDragoon

          Clearly, I take too long to write comments because this post definitely didn’t exist when I started writing.
          Side note, I can’t find anything on Wikipedia to validate that opinion besides the difference in release dates, nor can I find any additional support in a cursory Google search.

  10. ValdVin

    Not a word from Toe Dad yet.

    I mean, we always knew Blaine was the (comparative) brains of the outfit.

    1. Doctor_Who

      “What are we gonna do tonight, Blaine?”

      “Same thing we do every night, Pinky-Toe. Try to take over the lives of two teenage girls!”

      1. Charlie Spencer

        They’re Blaine and Pinky-Toe,
        Yes Blaine and Pinky-Toe.
        One is a bigot, the other? Assho.

    2. vitalProximity

      Maybe he’s realizing Blaine is prepared to go further than he thought and he’s second guessing his involvement?

  11. Foxhack

    Toe Dad’s eyes, though.

    That’s not an angry look. That’s a fearful look. And I’m pretty sure that, regardless of what we’ve seen him do, seeing his new “friend” threaten to harm if not murder someone he does not recognize as a threat to his daughter might be a bit over the line of what he’d be willing to do.

    1. Alfie

      I’d argue he’s more afraid that he’s been seen and what those consequences could be

      1. Miri

        If he can see the look on Blaine’s face, I’d like to think that gleeful joy at anticipated messy violence would be a bit concerningly unchristian? I mean, it’s one thing to abduct your adult daughter at gunpoint, slap her a bit, etc for her own good to save her soul, that’s clearly his parental duty* and another thing entirely to beat the brains out of some punk kid and enjoy it…

        *Even typing that out makes me feel unclean. Urgh… But I think the Toe really does think he’s doing right by Becky here. Which is terrifying in its own special way.

        1. Regalli

          Agreed. I think Ross is a ‘well violence is necessary, I don’t like it but that’s just the way of the world’ type where Blaine clearly is not.

          (By which I mean Ross might have a fleeting attack of conscience if he killed someone he deemed innocent. Not enough to be self-aware about it, probably, he can clearly rationalize the shit out of things, but more than Blaine.)

        2. vitalProximity

          I mean, I think one of the biggest differences between Blaine and Ross is that Blaine clearly has little to no moral code, while Ross does have a moral code – a very strong one, in fact. I think even those with the strongest of moral codes can generally rationalize at least a small degree of “the ends justify the means” if the ends are “upholding the most fundamental facets of my moral code.” But… while Ross’s moral code is HELLA skewed and problematic from the perspective of most modern, rational adults… it is still a moral code, and he obviously believes strongly in it or he wouldn’t be doing any of this in the first place, since he’s supposedly trying to save Becky’s soul and stuff. And he obviously believes fiercely in the Bible – now, I’m not super knowledgeable about the Good Book itself, but isn’t Thou Shalt Not Kill a pretty key tenet in, like, every major religion ever?…

          I think Foxhack has it right. If Blaine had pulled out a gun and said “Get in the trunk, Mike, can’t have you ratting on us” and locked him in without harming him, I think Ross would be probably okay with it. But basically saying – gleefully – that he’s going to bludgeon him with a hammer – presumably causing a violent and painful death, or at least severe permanent disability – for literally just seeing them, when Blaine has even said outright he believes there’s a decent chance Mike wouldn’t even report them??! …Yeah, that’s gotta be raising some red flags for Ross. Freaking finally.

          I think, if Ross actually didn’t care about violence to innocents, then when he originally came to campus and was trying to get Becky’s attention, he wouldn’t have shot into the air, he would have shot into the trees or something.

          Blaine, on the other hand… I have yet to see evidence of a single inkling of morality from him. There has not been one thing that he did or witnessed that caused him to visibly hesitate or seem uncomfortable with the ethics of the situation.

          Perhaps Ross vs. Blaine = immoral vs. amoral?

          (…Immoral, from my understanding, meaning more “Morals are misaligned with the vast majority of those around them.” So, if someone thinks shanking a person is justified if the person called their face stupid first, but everyone else is like “Bro I think you’re overreacting a little bit,” I would call that an immoral action because that person thinks “Well I didn’t kill him or anything, that would be way out of line. If our roles were reversed, I’d be hella pissed but he’d still be justified doing it to me” while everyone else is like “No, it’s not okay to shank someone for calling your face stupid, unless they’re doing it while also actively trying to shank you.” So, the person does have morals, they’re just weird ones that most people would be disturbed or confused by.)

          (Meanwhile, “amoral” literally just means… without morals. See also, Blaine, apparently. Is he capable of taking ownership or seeing the error of a single action he has ever taken, or perhaps even feeling regret over one of his choices, solely based on the negative effects it had on people other than himself? We may never know. But… it seems unlikely.)

    2. Regalli

      I mean Toedad was literally threatening a suicidal shootout with the police on a campus that would almost certainly have bystanders, but then:
      1. He is not very good at thinking things through (see also how he has been thoroughly duped by an obvious supervillain and by DINA,)
      2. He was DEFINITELY banking on guilting Becky with the threat of that as well (Everything he said indicates he would’ve done it, but probably as a last resort after SEVERAL chances for her to cave.)
      3. Guns are so much less personal than melee weapons. Especially a hammer. Especially such a SMALL hammer.
      And maybe it might be worth a little reflection why your new friend’s weapon of choice is such a small, plausibly deniable one, hm? Probably not, again, dude is dense, but.

      Yeah I wasn’t sure if Blaine was one of the ones who got his hands dirty rather than some low-grade accountant or the like, but um. That’s a choice.

      1. Maddieface

        Blaine looks like he’s enjoying this. Whatever else I can say about Toedad he treated his gun wielding rampage as a regrettable necessity. He’s a control freak and abuser but not I think a sadist.

        1. Regalli

          Agreed.

          And oh, am I reminded now of how Amber’s first onscreen serious dissociative episode was in part from ‘I enjoyed punching him, am I like him.’ I’m not sure I put that together in such a… visceral way before now.

          God, I want to get Amber supportive therapy and a nice Transformer or two.

        2. vitalProximity

          Oof. You’re totally right.

      2. Some Ed

        Considering Mike’s assertion that Blaine is involved in carpentry, he has a perfectly logical explanation for why he chose his weapon: it was what he had. Nevermind the fact that he also certainly had claw hammers, which are only inferior for this particular use in their plausible deniability for being a premeditated weapon of choice.

  12. Dana

    Blaine’s plan is about to collapse because Mike says something that clues Ross in, huh? Saved by Toedad’s moral compass. God help us all.

    1. Alfie

      Ross came on campus with a gun (if I remember right it was a shot gun but could also be a rifle) I don’t think he cares too much about murder if it’s “in the name of the lord.”

      1. tim gueguen

        It was a single shot breech loading rifle.

        1. pdp15

          Very useful for shooting pants at people.

        2. BigDogLittleCat

          Your avatar is especially apt for this comment.

      2. Regalli

        I’m inclined to think he’s okay with righteous killing (on a more-than-abstract level, but maybe not as definite as the mob stooge here,) but someone who brings a hunting rifle’s pretty different from the man contemplating beating someone with a mechanist’s hammer. (I can use one of those things. They’re heavy enough for someone with no muscle tone like me, but I can’t imagine doing the kind of serious damage necessary to shut someone up with one.)

      3. Screwball

        Daniel here. Yeah, pretty sure Toedad was happy to “cleanse” the world of anyone who got between him and reclaiming his daughter before, but still kinda hoping he’ll realize smashing heads open with hammers is NOT a very (whatever BS name he uses for his version of brainwashing) thing to do. It’s 1 thing to blow someone away with a gun, it’s another thing entirely to murder someone by hammer. A hammer is much more “personal” than a gun, takes more effort and requires the attacker to get close to the target, right in their space, as opposed to taking pot shots from a distance with something loud and scary…

    2. fire_daws

      Ross said before he was willing to kill if anyone got in the way of him dominating Becky.So yeah, I don’t think he’s going to interfere here.

      1. vitalProximity

        Yeah but Mike’s not really in his way, is he? Not really. I mean, Becky is right there in that apartment. Mike’s not going to physically stop him, and I SOMEHOW get the impression that Ross doesn’t really understand the value of stealth in getting away with things (see also: bringing a goddamn shotgun out in the middle of a college campus in broad daylight and shooting it into the air) and is more of a brute force kind of guy. Mike is not standing in the way of him literally marching upstairs, tossing Becky over his shoulder, and going on his way, so I can’t imagine he sees him as much threat at all, especially since he’s literally just standing there and Blaine is the one acting crazy right now.

        Ross has a number of screws loose, and maybe does think it is okay to kill in God’s name or whatever, but I don’t think he’s actually EVIL.

        Blaine, on the other hand… :\

  13. Alfie

    That would make for a horrible end to this night should Walky die, fuck the trauma Becky would have. Like everything she’s experienced growing to coming out. Having someone she invited to her girlfriend’s/Sarah’s birthday… she already needs therapy but if Mike were murdered here she would need so much fucking therapy.

  14. tim gueguen

    I wonder if Mike’s moustache comment was intended to taunt Blaine that Toedad is his boyfriend?

    1. JessWitt

      Yeah that came to mind too.

      I appreciate Mike here, taunting folks who truly deserve it.

    2. Bicycle Bill

      He hadn’t seen enough of Ross yet to recognize the similarity between him and a big toe (with or without an infected ingrown toenail).

    3. 3-I

      Or giving an identifying feature, if he really is recording this or on the phone with the cops.

    4. Agemegos

      If he’d called Ross Blaines “beard” that would have been too confusing.

  15. Beef

    Willis confirmed nobody will be dying in this comic, right? Maybe Amber’s Amazi-sense is tingling

    1. tim gueguen

      I suspect either Amber or Amazi-girl is about to show up. Or Robin.

      1. Meagan

        Plot twist: Danny walks by and is useless/gets taken hostage/compromises them both.

        1. tim gueguen

          Or bashes Blaine over the head with his surprisingly hard ukulele.

        2. vitalProximity

          Ahaha, yes please, that would be amazing. <3

          …Unfortunately, as someone who also owns a ukulele, I would say it's barely hard enough to daze someone for a few seconds, and it would almost definitely break on the first hit, so it would really only buy those first few seconds of reprieve. And piss off the person you hit.

        3. DarkoNeko

          Let’s leave poor danny outta this

        4. vitalProximity

          Oof, that is… an unfortunately plausible scenario. I think there would have been foreshadowing though. Maybe.

        5. vitalProximity

          Crazier plot twist: Danny walks by and Mike is useless/gets taken hostage/compromises them both, leaving poor wee Danny to save the day.

          Not very likely, but would definitely subvert expectations.

      2. John

        It took me a second to figure out that you were talking about Robin DeSanto, not Batman’s sidekick.

        And then another second to remember that Robin DeSanto isn’t a speedster in this universe.

        1. LeslieBean4shizzle

          In a shocking twist, she actually is, and it just never came up before now.

      3. vitalProximity

        For some reason, I really don’t think Amber/Amazigirl is going to show up for this fight. I don’t really know why. Maybe because where she’s at mentally right now, I think having to fight with her dad and Ross while her friend is (hypothetically) in peril would push her to a place she’d have a hard time coming back from… and recovery from that degree of trauma would have a similar impact on the storyline as someone’s death would, which Willis has already explained he doesn’t want to deal with.

        But honestly, it’s just a feeling, albeit a strong one. I couldn’t really say why any more than that though. I think it would help her, actually, to see that other people can protect themselves, too, and she doesn’t necessarily have to do it for them. She did have a lot of guilt over “letting” Ryan get away that first time, even though it’s not actually her responsibility to take care of that kind of thing.

    2. Dr. T

      I mean, Amber just left a minute or so ago. Danny did even more recently. It would be Danny’s style to be sulking nearby before he headed back to campus. I could see Danny witnessing this and calling 911 to save the day.

    3. Keulen

      There’s still plenty of ways people can be injured without dying though.

      1. King Daniel

        “You’d be surprised what you can live through.”

    4. Newllend(henryvolt)

      Death? No. Severe injury on the other hand.

  16. DEAD MEME

    Mike is staring Death right in the face. I’m not sure whether to respect him or fear for his life.

    1. SuperZero

      You can absolutely kill somebody with a hammer like that.

      Starting a fight by threatening somebody well outside your reach with a hammer like that, though? Mike could just, like… leave.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        That would be hilarious. “Alright, well you have fun with your stupid hammer.”

        1. vitalProximity

          Omg, yes please. That would be fantastic.

      2. Regalli

        Yeah, it’s a pretty odd choice for your first weapon here. Not ideal for hurting someone and at least as conspicuous as a larger but more conventional option to be carrying around outside at night. Like, does he also have scissors in his pocket to stab Amber with?

        1. DarkoNeko

          initially, he came to retrive toedad, not to fight tho

        2. Regalli

          Yeah, but the fact that he still keeps it on his person says something. It’s a hammer used for metalworking. Like, mine is for jewelry-making, they’re also used for rivets. There’s really no good reason to carry one on you to the crappy motel and take it out with you unless you’ve decided this is your weapon.

          And as your first choice weapon, it’ll do the trick, but… again, pretty odd and conspicuous.

        3. vitalProximity

          Is Ross a metalworker or something? Does Blaine have it on him for when he plans to frame Ross later, maybe?

      3. LibertyRazor

        The hammer is actually a gun designed to look like a hammer.

        1. King Daniel

          Nonsense, it’s clearly a phone.

        2. vitalProximity

          (Has nobody actually…? Alright, I’ll do my duty then.)

          [The hammer] is not the hammer. The hammer is my penis.

  17. TomHCinMI

    I don’t think Ross would just let Blaine crack Mike’s skull open.

    1. Beef

      Ross was willing to kill Becky’s friends to bring her back. He pointed a loaded shot gun at her

      1. Agemegos

        It was a rifle, not a shotgun.

      2. Wraithy2773

        I went back and looked, and it didn’t look like he ever pointed the gun at Becky. The perspective is a bit confusing in one panel, but I think he keeps the rifle pointed at the ground or sky the whole time.

        Well, at least until Amazigirl is on the roof of his car. But still, I don’t think Ross would be alright with Blaine killing a kid that, as far as he knows, is just an innocent bystander.

    2. Bagge

      Bet you a packet of arby’s sauce he won’t object at all

      1. vitalProximity

        I WILL TAKE THAT BET AND RAISE YOU *TWO* PACKETS OF ARBY’S SAUCE

        (Is that how raising works? I don’t know how gambling happens. Is the total bet now 1 -> 2, or 1 + 2 = 3??? o.O We JUST DON’T KNOW.)

        1. vitalProximity

          To clarify: I think Ross will give at least a token protest

        2. Rikunda

          It goes directly against his religion teachings though to murder a child. He was willing to move heaven and hell to keep Becky safe from what he thought was bad, but that doesn’t mean the rest of his crazy religious ass wouldn’t also stop someone from murder… right?

        3. BarerMender

          The bet is now 3 Arby’s sauce packets, if the other player accepts the bet, or “calls.” If he doesn’t call, you win the original 1 packet. If it were poker. As a proposition bet, he could say, “No bet, no bet,” and the whole thing is over and no sauce changes hands.

    3. Newllend(henryvolt)

      Yeah no, the last thing Ross would ever be is the voice of restraint.

  18. DarkoNeko

    It would be very effective, if totally out of character, for Mike to loudly scream for help right now

    1. Meagan

      That doesn’t really compute. Is that a function of a Mike?
      Maybe he’d do it just to troll them.

      1. DarkoNeko

        yes, the point isn’t being scared, just to have other people run in and handle it (like the campus security)

        1. Bicycle Bill

          They’re too far off campus for security to be of any help here.

        2. Dr. T

          They are actually nearly a mile off of campus, to be honest.

        3. Dr. T

          They are, however, about two blocks away from the police station downtown. Should someone call 911 the response time could be quite impressive.

          You know, provided Willis wanted to go in that direction.

        4. DarkoNeko

          betya Amazigirl would be there even sooner

        5. BarerMender

          Still not on campus.

  19. DarkoNeko

    Also, “who’s your mustache” seems to be a gay slang for something ?

    1. BarerMender

      You’re thinking of “beard.”

      1. DarkoNeko

        Oooh. Probably.

      2. znk

        “Beard” means a pretend other-sex partner/date, to give the appearance of being het. Doesn’t really make sense in this context.

  20. Pocky

    I feel like if a fight ensues Mike will be like “You can’t hammer me harder than I nailed your mom.”

    or something more clever than that.

    1. vitalProximity

      Ooooooh good one Pocky *high five*

  21. Bicycle Bill

    As long as Mike keeps his distance — at least fifteen to twenty feet — he’ll be able to react and flee if Blaine does decide to charge him swinging the hammer.
    He also needs to only dodge the swinging hammer once; then a quick knee to the groin or solar plexus — or a sharp jab to the nose — will take all the fight out of Blaine in a helluva hurry.  And with the remark about the splint on the nose, Mike has already indicated that he recognizes it as a vulnerable spot.

    1. Regalli

      Yeah, and while Amber did get him unawares, the fact that she COULD beat him shitless suggests to me Blaine’s not that good a fighter.

      (Also, the more I think about it: a BALL-PEEN? Really? You couldn’t even stop at a Home Depot on your way here? That’s your first choice for a weapon? That’s… that’s a REALLY ODD choice.)

      1. thejeff

        That Amber could beat him suggest he’s not that good a fighter?

        Amber who is Amazi-Girl, with all the combat skills, just less self-control? Who goes out and beats up multiple punks just for stress relief?

        I mean, I agree Blaine’s shown no signs of being that physically dangerous, but Amber is a serious badass.

        1. vitalProximity

          True. And really, Blaine has mostly himself to blame for that one. I mean, martial arts in *addition* to counseling? Hell yeah, mental health care + exercise/stress relief + an increased sense of safety/control in possible future dangerous situations = a holy trifecta of healing. But martial arts INSTEAD of counseling? Insecurity + repressed anger + hella combat skills = a wide open can of out-of-control whoopass pointed, WHOOPS, straight at you, Blaine. You selfish, arrogant dumbshit.

    2. alice

      gosh, that’s so easy! why does anyone get hurt by another person ever?

    3. John

      So, uh, protip? Don’t try that.

      1. Bicycle Bill

        Agreed — don’t try it. “He who fights and runs away,” etc.  But should it come to that — Toedad cuts off your escape route, for example — it’s best to have at least part of a plan B already in mind.  And sometimes the best defense is a parry and an unexpected riposte — meaning take the fight to Blaine.

        And one other pro-tip, Mike — eff the Marquess of Queensbury rules.

    4. BBCC

      This would be a bad idea. If Toedad tries to cut you off, you’re better off trying punching somewhere squishy and running past him rather than trying to fight off the guy with the weapon.

  22. PHNX

    In another Universe, it was a scrote-wang hammer.

    1. vitalProximity

      Okay why has this comment not gotten any love, that’s fabulous. <3

  23. Delicious Taffy

    I kinda like how he’s just casually shit-talking the guy with a hammer. That’s never not funny to me.

    1. ian livs

      Yeah, honestly I’m very worried for him but also completely cracking up because he’s just so calm and snarky about all this.

      1. vitalProximity

        That’s our Mike, alright. <3

  24. BarerMender

    Mike was looking far around to the left, two strips ago. Someone else is there.

    1. ian livs

      I’d assumed it was just some sort of wistful glance, but hopefully you’re right. (Well, “hopefully” unless it’s someone else from the Bad Parent Brigade.)

  25. Kamino Neko

    Does…does Mike have sclera in panel 3?

    1. vitalProximity

      Your avatar, as always, is perfect.

  26. HaretaSora

    This makes me wonder what Blaine’s endgame is.

    Like does he seriously think doing this will make things fine, that he’ll seriously be able to cover it up, hide it, and get away with it? This makes me feel his connection to reality is a bit lost with this and his in general ‘villain scheme’

    1. Charlotte

      Pretty sure that the plan is to frame Toedad. I mean, that guy already has a record for violence against students, and has shown that he’s willing to harm others to get at his daughter. I do wonder whether this will occur to Toedad at some point.

      1. CJ

        Blaine probably planned it to look like murder suicide. Though I wonder about the hammer as he didn’t want to start now but just followed toedad. Does he always carry a hammer around?

    2. LibertyRazor

      Shockingly, the sociopath thinks yes, he will get away with this.

  27. Black

    It’S a PhOnE!

    1. Koms

      Hahahhahaha I remember that

    2. BarerMender

      Ha. It’s a pwn.

  28. Tacos

    If it were somebody else with the hammer then I would at least be concerned but Blaine’s the one holding it here so I’m not worried.

  29. Icalasari

    Murder is a mortal sin and Toedad wouldn’t know of Mike. He’d think his ‘angel’ is about to kill an innocent bystander

    At least, I HOPE this ends with Toedad and Drain fighting each other

    1. Sam

      Blaine literally showed him a picture of Mike before.

      1. Icalasari

        Wait did that include an explanation of how Mike is great at manipulation? If so, damn, I need to reread

  30. abysswatcher1993

    Blaine is such a psycho by treatening to murder a teenager with a hammer. Toedad can be sent to prison for all I care. Blaine is just an asshole with no beliefs and no one that he loves, and he can die in a ditch… Let’s thro these two in a ditch and in a position that makes you question their sexualities.

  31. Bagge

    Blaiiiine maaaaaster criiiiminal.

  32. BenRG

    This is where things get potentially ugly. It’s also the point where Ross will be tested about just how credulous he is.

  33. chromacandi

    falls for open 911 call twice*

    1. vitalProximity

      Wait what? When did that happen before?

      1. vitalProximity

        Oh! Shit, not Blaine, Ross! I totally forgot about that! Nice catch, chromacandi 😀

  34. Keulen

    I’m hoping Mike’s out of reach of Blaine if he swings that hammer at him.

  35. NinjaNick

    I sure hope Mike has some good self defense skills.

    1. BenRG

      Amber and Amazi-Girl are out there somewhere too and it’s quite possible that Asher and Sal are on their way over to tell Becky what Blaine tried to coerce Asher into doing. So, this could easily turn into a take-down straight out of Batman: The Animated Series.

      That said, I kind of think that Mike wants Blaine to beat him into a pulp right now.

      1. LeslieBean4shizzle

        Yeah, that was my concern as well.
        If Mike had said “can’t you try to bash my skull”, I’d know he planned to defend himself or flee. Without it, I don’t.

  36. Black Drazon

    Blaine may kill Mike here, but remember that he’ll always reincarnate in another webcomic inside of a month.

    El Goonish Shive won’t know what hit it.

  37. CJ

    And he had to time the storyline so this hits us around Christmas.

  38. Agemegos

    This is America, land of the gun and home of the other gun. Blaine tools up with a hammer?

    1. BenRG

      He’s a known felon and Ross is on bail pending trial. Wandering around with a gun would make dealing with the local constabulary… problematic.

      1. Agemegos

        Blaine is a felon? I didn’t know he’d been convicted. Or I’ve forgotten.

        1. thejeff

          Known to be a mob stooge. Not convicted of anything as far as we know.

        2. Agemegos

          Do the police in this city know that we know he’s a stooge for a mob? Does being a known but not convicted mob stooge bear on his right to arm bears? Or does he enjoy a presumption of innocence in that regard?

        3. Sarah Lea

          As far as I know, in the US one’s civil rights aren’t suspended due to who they’re known to associate with, mob or not. Presumably he’d retain his (gun, among other) rights until actually convicted of a crime. Such limitations are usually based on some reason (beyond association) to suspect a person would be a physical threat to others; “mob accountant” or even “generic stooge” for instance, probably wouldn’t pass that bar.

          Specific laws may also vary by state.

        4. thejeff

          Oh, absolutely. If the cops know anything about him, we don’t know about it.

          I was just trying clarify that while we know he has mob connections, he’s not a felon.

  39. Megan Rivera

    Now I’m R E A L L Y scared for Mike………

    1. Delicious Taffy

      I’d be more afraid for the hammer. Who knows where it might wind up?

      1. vitalProximity

        Hopefully up Blaine’s ***… Instant karma, mofo. B)

  40. Shane

    Stop! Hammer Time.
    No seriously, it’s time to stop Hammer Time and put away the hammer, it’s making you look like a demented idiot who needs to be reined in by the police.
    OH HEY cause he is.

    Does this still seem like a reasonable guy to be working with, Ross?

    1. DarkoNeko

      does Ross seems like a reasonable guy to work with ?

      1. LibertyRazor

        Kind of? He seems to prefer the more direct route compared to Blaine’s unnecessarily complicated plans. While Ross is doing things out of what he feels are religious obligations (he may also think her mom’s death somehow caused Becky to become lesbian), Blaine is just a straight-up sociopath.

        1. vitalProximity

          Blaine’s plans are more complicated because he cares about actually getting away with them, while Ross apparently does not. Furthermore, Blaine presumably plans to get away with it by framing Ross, which makes things even more complicated, as it limits not only what actions Blaine can take but also what actions he can “allow” Ross to take, as anything that doesn’t line up with whatever story Blaine plans to spin blaming Ross will destroy Blaine’s clean getaway. Of course, Ross doesn’t know any of this, and if he was paying any attention to anything other than his very specific goal, he might question why Blaine’s plans are so incredibly specific… But, nope.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      “Cant Touch This!”

  41. Piotr W

    This looks scary. That said, Willis guaranteed that major characters don’t die in this strip, right?

    1. LeslieBean4shizzle

      The question is – who counts as “major”?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Not sure Mike counts as major if you go by the number of appearances, Sarah is more of a main character than Mike is.

  42. Pylgrim

    Aw shit. All of a sudden, I realized that I care about Mike.

  43. Rabisch

    Blaine wants to move from threats to deeds. Time for Ross to decide if “saving” his daughter can justify someone’s murder. Probably yes, but i hope in a surprise.

  44. Guest42

    So middle aged guy shows he has close range weapon to college kid while colllege kid has running room.

    Okay.

  45. Jago

    Not in front of BJ Cat!

  46. kilgaen

    You know, I think that ironically enough, Toedad may have a problem with bashing a random kid’s head in who just happened to show up. Double irony because he probably wouldn’t mind if he’d spent any amount of time around Mike.

  47. Koms

    Nonononononononono

  48. hof1991

    That Blaine went out looking for Ross with a weapon isn’t a good sign. He’s planning on this ending in bloodshed. He told Ross he wants Amber to drop out but he wants her hurt and hurt badly. The kind of hurt that is fatal. He thinks he’s a genius because he’s set up Ross as the fall guy.

    But this is a very bad plan. Asher could easily betray him. Ross is a very dull weapon. And Blaine just isn’t that smart. Cunning yes. Sly, sure.

    Mike is the superhero we need here. No other cast member , no even A-G could stand up to Blaine like this.

    Betting that Blaine is a tribute to Bane, since DYW is a Batman junkie. Like long term plan if that’s so.

  49. LibertyRazor

    Ross has what he genuinely believes to be good intentions.

    Blaine is a sociopath bent on revenge. I think, if worse came to worst, Ross would attack Blaine if he threatened Becky.

    I also wonder if his motivation for a suicidal shootout with the police had more to do with his wife’s death than with Becky being lesbian. He’s almost certainly been unhealthily repressing his grief over that.

    1. TemperaryObsessor

      If Blane threatened Becky in the wrong way for the wrong reasons. Ross already justified kidnapping her with a shot gun.
      But Ross believes he wants to protect Becky from a fate worse than death. Blane knows he wants to hurt Amber but he likely somehow convinced himself its justified because he believes himself to be entitled to all the respect of being a parent and none of the responsibility.

      1. Agemegos

        It was a rifle, not a shotgun.

        If you don’t think the difference matters, “gun” is a suitable generic term covering both.

  50. Zee

    Putting 5 internet dollars on Mike either recording or being on a 911 call

  51. Alaric

    Is it possible that Blaine intends to use the hammer for some other purpose than attacking Mike? I mean, he seems to be talking about having provided for a way to hide his broken nose, maybe we’re supposed to think he’s about to attack Mike, but he’s actually got some other plan here? Just trying to think outside the box.

  52. Pat Myers

    Cameron Hodge just doesn’t look right without the broken glasses.

    1. KaiserKris

      You know, when I first saw this strip last night, I had a brief thought of a fanart of Rogue punching Blaine in the face.

  53. ValdVin

    I really enjoy the use of borderless panels in #4 and #6 with the closeups of Blaine and Mike, especially Blaine, which has quite a reveal. Really neat way to put emphasis on them.

  54. Vulcanodon

    Mike can outrun Blaine. Cops (already called by whoever Mike probably texted) show up to find hammer-wielding Blaine chasing Mike, hilarity ensues

  55. Vulcanodon

    Hey, a whole new ad, left-frame, that covers part of the comic!
    Look, ad-producing creatures of the Internet, we don’t mind ads, but don’t screw with our computers and don’t cover content.

  56. Tomn

    So…he plans to bash in a student’s skull with a hammer out in the open while not wearing gloves? And not in a place of his choosing?

    For someone who thinks he’s the brains of this operation this seems very poorly thought out.

    1. Zatar

      Blaine being the “Brains” has always been just by comparison.

  57. Vangeln

    So that “goodbye foverever, Mike” was foretelling.

    1. vitalProximity

      Goddammit, I had that thought as well, but I hoped I was wrong.

      1. Icalasari

        I think it was stated no characters will die as the fallout would take FAR too long for this webcomic to deal with

  58. Rustpunx

    Blaine: “I’ve got an intricate master plan, Ross, watch my brilliant mind unfold before you”

    Also Blaine: “I’m going to murder an 18-year-old with a blunt object on a college campus that my accomplice and I are already banned from in what is assumedly still well before the time most people go to sleep”

    1. Rustpunx

      Ah wait I forgot it was past midnight. Well still its a fact that people in their late teens/early 20s don’t sleep

    2. Agemegos

      Blowjob Cat is a mile or so off campus. But if you’re going to do murder, why balk at trespass?

      1. Rustpunx

        Oh okay wasn’t sure where it was exactly. But it’s not so much the trespassing part, its more the fact that they were banned from campus in the first place. They would literally be the first suspects in an investigation because they already have a history on this campus area with the exact people they’re targetting and Ross just got out of jail. Unless Blaine plans on making Ross take the fall since he was way more high profile

  59. Zellgato

    So.. Pretty sure mikes gonna die.
    ALso pretty sure he has the police dispatcher on the phone.
    Why? mike always has a plan.
    and mike has been calling out as much details without overtly saying the details as he has been able to.

  60. vitalProximity

    WHEN YOU’RE A HAMMER EVERY PROBLEM LOOKS LIKE A NAIL

    someone had to say it

    I mean, not HAD to. Like… ought to, maybe.

    Whatever. Opportunity existed, and I delivered. You’re welcome, imaginary people reading this at the bottom of the comments section 2 hours before the new page is posted. YOU. ARE. WELCOME. B)

    1. Icalasari

      When you’re a toe, everything looks like a nail

    2. BarerMender

      Abraham Maslow, 1966: “I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”
      After Kaplan’s Law of the Instrument, Abraham Kaplan, 1962: “Give a boy a hammer and everything he meets has to be pounded.”

  61. Crumplepunch

    Not going to step in on this violation of the ten commandments, Ross? Sure?

  62. Shay Guy

    Every 27th customer on opening day got one!

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