Distracted
Posted on May 3, 2014 by David M Willis

179 thoughts on “Distracted”

  1. Edster

    Waiting for the TV show to come out….

    1. Spliced

      I… I want to say there’s no way it will happen… and yet, I fear if I do, the universe will make it so just to spite me.

      1. Edster

        Are you telling me you would not watch this?

        1. Mr. Random

          If you look at yesterday’s comic, there’s a video embeded in the post of something just like this. I think he wanted us to know it actually existed before people could say they didn’t believe someone would make it.

        2. Shadow12000

          Well, to be fair, the actual thing he’s basing it off of isn’t as blatantly brainwashing. It is still complete tripe though, with a bit of nightmare fuel.

        3. ThatGuy

          Also to be fair, any good brainwashing is marketed as good, just, and harmless. Its kinda like how most villains truly think they are doing right. Like that one guy honestly thought that if he ate his boyfriends/abductees that they’d never leave him and he’d never be alone.

          Good brainwashing is done by people who honestly believe in what they are doing.

        4. Deathjavu

          I’m surprised by how many people are surprised at the content. The kind of language (make me a servant) is straight out of actual church songs, if not the bible itself.

        5. Hinoron

          Most of us, I think are adults looking back on the kind of heavy-handed conditioning fed to us as children, only now able to analyze it for both intent and effect.

          Also a bit shocked that what we think is probably an American-born black dude under all that makeup is touting the virtues of slavery to a new generation of children. Seems like the wrong century to be pushing that mentality.

          How’s that national anthem go? “Land of the docilely obedient, home of the paranoid?”

        6. Deathjavu

          I dunno if it’s the wrong century, numerically the slavery is bigger than it’s ever been (if not by percentage). 27 million now vs. 12 million then…

          It’s not the legal and mental institution that it used to be, but it hasn’t stopped being highly convenient and profitable to own all the labor of another human being. The whole racism that accompanied the old style was really just a convenient excuse to justify the economic profitability of slavery.

        7. Deathjavu

          Wow, I managed to use “if not” twice in two replies, and it means something different in both of them.

          I am the hack-est writer.

        8. Edster

          What i meant is a DoA Tv show coming out.

      2. Chris Phoenix

        Isn’t there some rule that says if someone has thought of a thing…

        then there is Internet porn of it?

        *twitch* *shudder*

        1. Charlie Spencer

          That would be ‘Rule 43’, always a useful phrase to append to other search terms.

        2. JustCheetoDust

          That’s not always necessary, “Rule 34” seems to frequent many drop down suggestion menus while doing a Google search.

          Yet another feature that Bing doesn’t provide. Suck it, Bing.

    2. King

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENGsE-axveQ

  2. Jen Aside

    Next: Dorothy x Billie

    1. Totally not a murderer in disguise

      I support this idea fully, but Walky might feel a bit left out.

      1. Tunaro

        Clearly the solution is Billie x Dorothy x Walky x Joyce x Dina = Pure awesome.

        1. Blue Dragon

          One True Fivesome?

        2. Paul

          it’d be the voltron of group sex!

      2. Shadow12000

        You think Walky wouldn’t be okay with watching, at least for the first few times?

    2. Edster

      With a bit of Ruth for spice.

    3. SUGauthor

      Your comment implies this wasn’t furiously shipped already.

      1. Jen Aside

        I’m just saying it’s NEXT

  3. Shogouki

    This sounds absolutely terrifying.

    1. Tunaro

      Just checked his Tumblr and Holy crap it is scary as shit.

      1. Mass Confusion

        I’m scared….

        1. Jay Eff

          Don’t you mean… you’re Confused?

          *dodges pointy rocks*

        2. Shadow12000

          Why would you need to dodge? Everyone knows you only hurt yourself in your confusion.

        3. Spliced

          What was that? Did he say “Punch myself in the face”? okay Squirtle Time to shine!

  4. Opus the Poet

    Yeah, I would have started drinking if someone dumped that on me as well.

    1. Spliced

      Recently I have discovered there is a show called Shalom Sesame. What say you, Mike?

      1. Opus the Poet

        Oh Hell that one again? I was drinking long before that one came out. That’s the Israeli Sesame Street, right? I have seen that, but I have seen telenovelas that were more frightening. Hell Sabado Gigante is scarier than that.

      2. Bruceski

        That’s not bad. It’s Sesame Street for Israel with hebrew and an echidna instead of Big Bird. We watched it in Sunday school at my synagogue, and I don’t remember any real biblical stuff from it aside from episodes for various Jewish holidays (“let’s dip the apple in peanut butter so the new year will stick to the roof of our mouth!”).

        1. Raye J

          For a minute I was like “Why would Israeli Sesame Street use a terrifying Greek monster instead of Big Bird?” and then I remembered that there’s a type of anteater called an echidna.

        2. Bruceski

          Now I want to see that.

  5. David Herbert

    Hopefully she has some wine, then they can pretend it’s like a Catholic mass, with a lot more communion.

    1. David

      There’s going to be blood to pay for it. His.

      1. Tinfoil Theory

        Love your neighbour!

  6. Totally not a murderer in disguise

    I’m pretty sure I’d rather drink than watch that too

    1. Spliced

      Drinking does not have to be the only option! Dental visit… Football game… Flu shot…

      1. Tunaro

        Getting beaten into unconsciousness with a rusty golf club…

        1. Spliced

          The unconscious part is key. Otherwise you run the risk of coming to before the show is over.

        2. JustCheetoDust

          The problem with that is that “getting beat back into consciousness” is a thing.

        3. Shadow12000

          *intense internal screaming at your gravitar*

        4. JustCheetoDust

          Yeah, I’ll be getting rid of that one soon.

  7. Tunaro

    I-I…I think I’m gonna go get a drink, too…

    1. Spliced

      What a coincidence! I seem to have some right here!

      1. Shadow12000

        Your gravitar is almost perfect for that comment. It’d be incredibly perfect if it was posted a week later.

    2. Seerow

      I’ve got a bottle saved for just such an occasion.

    3. newllend

      I just want to see a scene where everyone gets drunk, just Flat out drunk.

      1. Opus the Poet

        Is this close enough?

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/03-answers-in-hennessy/hiding/

  8. Quatoria

    Holy shit that’s horrifying.

  9. Spliced

    This reminds me of the time I found out Barney and his relatives went to my church

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      As in the dinosaur?

      1. Tunaro

        No, Stinson.

        1. Spliced

          Why not both?

        2. KingMabel

          Why both?

        3. Aizat

          How about Barney Stintson dressed as Barney the Dinosaur?

        4. Spaz

          “Barney, you could never score with a girl dressed as Barney the dinosaur.”

          “Challenge accepted!”

        5. xKiv

          Why would you want to score with a girl who dresses like Barney the dinosaur???

    2. March

      Is it true he was using drugs?

      1. Spliced

        Not that I saw. It was filmed in the town I grew up in, but I didn’t see any of them outside of church. And I only knew because I heard some people whispering every now and then.

    3. Opus the Poet

      Ahh, you live either in Plano or Carrolton TX.

  10. Wonder Wig

    Combine Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny with Chuckie Cheese, and add a dash of Veggie Tales.

    1. Shogouki

      Only a dash?

      1. Shadow12000

        Yeah, only a dash. He’s shown what this is based off of, and it’s MUUUUCH worse than Veggie Tales.

        1. bonsai

          Let’s put it this way: Veggie Tales took off in the Christian video market because it was *multiple orders of magnitude better than anything else.*

          If you think it’s lame? Imagine what it *replaced*.

    2. Dante

      As terrifying as what you actually said is, I initially read that as Combine Santa Clause. As in, a Combine from Half-Life 2… dressed as Santa.

      1. Spliced

        That sounds rad actually. Way preferable to the movie in Joyce’s hands

        1. tinfoil theory

          You will like this, then:
          http://www.accursedfarms.com/movies/cp/christmas-co/

    3. Tunaro

      What is this delicious sounding Ice Cream Bunny you speak of?

      1. JustCheetoDust

        This.

        Not so great outside of context, definitely not delicious, best served with RiffTrax.

  11. Doctor_Who

    I don’t drink either, but this would make me do so heavily, in an attempt to kill whatever part of my brain is storing those images.

  12. Yotomoe

    You can drive a lady to drink, Joyce.

    1. newllend

      Dorothy:”someone get me some damn vodka for this.”

    2. Aizat

      CONFOUNDED JOYCE! SHE DROVE ME TO DRINK!

    3. Bill

      It was a woman that drove me to drink, and I never did thank her for it.

  13. Stephen Bierce

    And then we see that the ditty in this episode was filked from an old drinking song…

  14. Aizat

    Yes Dorothy…stare at the fourth wall.

    1. Spliced

      Actually I think that was a bleak and scary future of costumed folk singing feel good show tunes. I have the same look on myself whenever faced with Mitten the Kitten O_O

      1. Rybridge

        Soon the beast will come to consume us all!- Hymmel the Hymnal.

        1. Aizat

          As if the one with the triangle smile is not enough.

  15. Kernanator

    Get me a fruity drink, this is going to be rough.

  16. Jay Eff

    *reads alt text*

    Yes – all you folks who haven’t checked the author’s tumblr wallpaper must do so RIGHT NOW.

    Here’s the linki, Bee-Tee-Dubya:
    http://itswalky.tumblr.com

    1. Doctor_Who

      Ever see The Witches? Those creepy Creature Shop effects for when people are midway to becoming mice?

      Looks like one of those.

    2. Spliced

      Not as bad as what I was expecting. More School House Rock than Candle Cove

      1. JustCheetoDust

        I was thinking more special effects from Beauty and the Beast (the late ’80s tv show) gone bad…which is no good when you take Ron Pearlman out of the equation.

    3. JustCheetoDust

      I dont’ feel right rating this new gravatar “G.” That picture’s a hit of acid away from being nightmare fuel.

      1. Vim-Hogar

        D:

    4. Aizat

      Well there is this one scary looking mouse puppet/animatronic in one of those video board game…I don’t know what’s it called but I saw it once on the intro of the Black Hole of Boardgames.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        Was it Rap Rat?

        Damn your inquiry, and damn my compulsive Google Fu. (I don’t think it’s scary, but those videos on YouTube certainly shaved some IQ points)

        1. Aizat

          Yeah….that one. And I found out that that monstrosity has its own creepypasta…that’s just what I needed, make that even scarier.

  17. Plasma Mongoose

    “Looks like I picked the right day to start drinking”

  18. KingMabel

    That moment when I realize just how many wrestling tumblers I follow…

    Also WTF is that?!?

    1. Tunaro

      That is what happens when your nightmares drop a gallon of LSD.

      1. nothri

        ALL THESE SQUARES MAKE A CIRCLE. ALL THESE SQUARES MAKE A CIRCLE. ALL THESE SQUARES MAKE A CIRCLE.

        1. KingMabel

          All the circles make a reason for me not to sleep tonight.

          Also I take full responsibility for missing this reference.

        2. nothri

          Little obscure, I admit. Its a Team Fourstar Dragonball Abridged episode.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe2FaWzlquM

          I dunno how to imbed a link with specific timeframes to skip to, but the reference is at 7:10 or so.

        3. KingMabel

          This is why we research!

          Thanks I keep forgetting to finish this series.

        4. Mr. Random

          The farther you get, the more skilled their writing gets, and the higher the videos grow in quality. Honestly, I think it might actually rival the show itself in terms of quality.

        5. Deathjavu

          As much as I love Dragonball and DBZ, it’s not at all hard to rival its writing quality.

    2. Aizat

      Wrestling tumbles? Can you direct me to one?

      1. KingMabel

        Dude, I AM ONE. Click ME! CLICK ME!

        1. Aizat

          Oh…now your username makes sense. That horrible gimmick for Viscera….well, before Big Daddy V and the World’s Largest Love Machine that is.

        2. KingMabel

          Yeah I never understand WWE’s logic with large men

          “500 lbs man? Several tatoos? Scary face? Lets make you a ladies man!”

          I feel bad for Brodus Clay… and Henry… and even Khali a bit…

        3. Aizat

          Well at least Earthquake never got the Ladies Man gimmick and at least Mark Henry got better with the World’s Strongest Man gimmick. Khali….at least he didn’t go Giant Gonzales.

        4. JustCheetoDust

          Say what you want about how they eventually did right by Mark Henry…he still had to knock up Mae Young with a hand baby.

        5. Aizat

          Why do you have to bring that up? Some of us had repressed the memories of that.

  19. nothri

    Does Billie have any alcohol? Yes, Dorothy, yes she does. In other news, the sky is still blue, the ocean still smells of salt, and the sun continues to be a mass of incandescent gas(es). Just in case you wanted to double check.

    1. Wack'd

      Actually, the sun is a miasma of incandescent plasma. The sun’s not really made out of gas, no, no, no.

      1. Tunaro

        I thought the sun was a group of nuclear reactions localized around a certain gravitational point as particles continuously bonded hydrogen into helium.

        1. Hylleddin

          Hence, plasma.

      2. nothri

        Wait, you mean they got it wrong? So…so what else did they get incorrect? Could…could they in fact NOT be Giants? I’m gonna cry!

        1. StClair

          There were giants in the earth in those days.
          (Particularly in New York and Massachusetts.)

        2. AgentKeen

          Also, Triangle Man does not, in fact, win.

          (And now I have the sun song lyrics stuck in my head, thanks).

        3. nothri

          I’ll trade you that for Particular man, you bastard.

        4. Betty Anne

          Triangle Man hates Particle Man.

        5. Wack'd

          Hey, they never said they definitely were, only that they might be.

          But that is a terrifying thought. After all, what are we gonna do unless they are?

  20. Rani

    I feel like Joyce has had two settings this season: aghast sexual puritan and crazy religious cartoon fan.

    1. John

      Is D&MM religious, then?

      1. Kirby

        Didn’t you know Fandoms are the new religions?

        1. Opus the Poet

          Dammit where’s the upvote arrow!?!

  21. Pyr05

    Why…. the rodents. I can’t…..

    1. nothri

      I could explain it to you…but I’m afraid I couldn’t give ::shades:: a rat’s ass.

      1. Aizat

        YEAAAAAH!

  22. newllend

    Wow the more and more I hear about Joyce’s childhood the more and more it’s sounds fucked up, anyway ya let’s see what Billie’s doing.

  23. wednesday

    That Tumblr background sent me down the rabbit hole of Psalty Salvation Celebration. I think I like the old costumes better.

    1. Jen Aside

      Is it going to stay that now? Or will it change as soon as Willis finds something even more horrible, rendering the alt-text incorrect?

      [said after having stopped reading the itswalky Tumblr due to laughing Megatron being TOO distracting]

      [[no I don’t dashboard]]

      1. xKiv

        It’s been like this for a long time now.

  24. Jack Finch

    Good plan.

  25. Jack Finch

    Also, it’s been decades since I lived in a dorm, but don’t kids get high anymore?

    1. Lamachine

      Yeah, but those who do don’t leave their rooms.

    2. kelticat

      What do you think happened to Sarah’s last roommate?

  26. newllend

    OK let’s just face it, what almost everyone wants to see is the two of them get tipsy and just….( you decide what happens next).

  27. March

    This is pretty much how I started drinking.

  28. Rybridge

    Every time I read Joyce I imagine her sounding like Pinkie Pie, which makes lines like these particularly hilarious…

    1. Opus the Poet

      Muahahahaha

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcuXbe89ibo

    2. Sir Robin

      YES!!! I thought I was the only one who thought that!!!

      Also, Dina sounds like Fluttershy, Sal like Apple Jack and Dorothy like Twilight Sparkle

      Also, Walky sounds like Fry from Futurama to me for some reason, and Mike like Bender and Joe like Zap Branigan

  29. newllend

    Also this is the perfect time for Joyce to give some Holy Biblical life advice to her friend but she’s not doing NOTHING!

    she just like ,”Hey I don’t care about your problem just watch this dumb crap show with me, I mean its not my job to give you advice to deal with your personal problems, I mean what do think I am a Christian? Oh wait…

    1. Aizat

      Dude, she’s trying to have Dottie to watch a show that has such advice.

  30. Fletcher

    The more we hear about this Hymnel the Hymnal thing, the more utterly terrifying it seems – and that’s leaving aside the actual ideology it’s pushing! And it’s intended for children? Shudder.

    1. Regalli

      Have you never seen the background of his Tumblr? Because seriously. IT IS THAT TERRIFYING. DEAR SWEET MERCIFUL HISTORIC JESUS IT IS THAT TERRIFYING.

      1. Fletcher

        The Dumbing of Age tumblr is just flat orange, maybe it’s not showing properly? The It’s Walky tumblr is some kind of blurry out-of-focus obscured-by-text-boxes clown thing. I’ll admit that clowns are kinda evil and terrifying though.

        “My name is Jesus Christ, King of Kings; look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.”

        1. David M Willis

          Oh, it’s not a clown.

        2. Fletcher

          Then I think I’m glad it’s obscured by the text boxes. Truly, the god who can create such a thing is the same god who can create wasps which inject their larvae into live spiders.

          Oh God, He’s real. THE PRAYER IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

        3. Kelly

          Right click -> view background image. You will regret it though.

        4. Fletcher

          Thanks for that suggestion. You were right, I did regret it. I’ve seen worse though.

          Your avatar is tremendously appropriate (mine, not so much).

  31. John

    Only one way to cope with this one, Dotty.

    Hymmel the Humming Hymnal drinking game!

    Whenever an unsympathetic character exhibits horrendously stereotyped ethno-religious traits, drink! (Only once per distinct trait, we’re not trying to kill people here.)

    Whenever something is presented as indisputable truth that is neither factually nor Biblically correct, drink!

    Whenever something absolutely horrible is presented as a life lesson for children, drink!

    Whenever you wake up screaming in horror in the middle of the night, drink until the nightmares go away! (That’s not really part of the game, just something you gotta do.)

  32. John

    Oh, and, I think Dorothy really ought to watch this. For Joyce. Not “because Joyce wants her to”, but so she’s seen the face of the enemy. So she knows. Because she may think she knows, but she doesn’t. She so, so, doesn’t.

    (I’m saying this as someone who had a similar upbringing to what Dorothy’s appears to have been, and lived most of my grade school years in the Bible Belt, and thought I knew, but is still continually amazed and horrified by the things Willis reveals about his upbringing.)

  33. MrSirk

    I wonder if Hymmel has a song on the danger of alchohol consumption?

  34. Derek

    Unrelated-to-today’s-comic question: is Sarah being relieved that Jacob has no interest in Roz a bit hypocritical? She herself said that her interest in Jacob is purely physical. Maybe she was unintentionally slut-shaming and she realized and that’s why she looked sad in the last panel. (as in: if she really only wanted to bang Jacob, she should have no problem that Jacob had sex with other girls before her, Roz included.)

    1. Mr. Random

      If you go back, the last panel shows that she realizes that Jacob isn’t going after Roz, which means she still has a chance. However, after that she realizes that Jacob literally said he didn’t want a one night stand which was what Sarah wanted. I think. In a way, I think it shows that Sarah, after getting to know Jacob a little might actually want a relationship with him. But she still hasn’t mentally adjusted her goal from Bang him to Date him. Once again, I think.

      1. Whittier

        This is my assessment, as well.

  35. Opus the Poet

    I suppose I really should mention that: Before I came back to the comments on this page I started the first Gorillaz CD playing. I’m now up to the track titled Punk.

    1. JustCheetoDust

      On a sort of related note, I want to act out the beginning of “Left Hand Suzuki Method” for the first time in years.

      1. Opus the Poet

        I thought LHSM was a J-pop band.

        1. JustCheetoDust

          It’s also a track in the U.S. release of the self-titled Gorillaz album.

        2. Kamino Neko

          Sounds more like a masturbation technique to me.

  36. Whittier

    Nice to know that Willie Aames has work in this universe.

  37. Dreamerofstories

    This Girl has finally caught up with the whole comic 😀 From start to finish in a few days so yay :D. And D: cause no more comic to read.
    As for the episodes. I think I would be very very scared to even glance at them o.o

  38. Pandalulz

    Man Willis, I’d apparently blocked all Kids Praise stuff out of my childhood memories as some form of PTSD and now all the horrible flashbacks are coming back.

  39. Robert

    Just remember to call it “booze” or “liquid courage” when you see billie, Dorothy.

  40. Zelda

    Am I the only one who can’t find the Tumblr background in question? Or was it all a cruel hoax?

    1. Chris

      itswalky tumblr → [bg image].
      :â–·

      1. Zelda

        Why did I zoom in.

        WHY DID I ZOOM IN

      2. Roborat

        And that, folks, is the danger of inbreeding. Please remember to spay or neuter your hillbillys.

  41. Speedball

    Damn, that show IS real. Man. MAN. I never thought I’d see a show that made Bibleman downright dignified.

    1. Kevin

      but.. but.. Bibleman wasn’t so bad.. I think..

  42. burntnorris

    Joyce has a mouth. This is very strange.

  43. Laura

    I used to watch Psalty’s Songs religiously (heh) when I was a child. Charity Churchmouse, too. I’d successfully blocked out that portion of my life and completely forgotten about it until I started reading this story arc, but now, it’s all coming back to me. Damn, fuck, and shit.

    Here’s the famous background image, just so the uninitiated and unscathed can enjoy a small morsel of the suffering I’m now experiencing.

    http://static.tumblr.com/5d3rnb5/WFImclxcc/charitychurchmouse.jpg

    1. Laura

      It was by the same folks that did WeeSing, wasn’t it? I remember those shows.

    2. Nezumi

      And, in the category of “Things I can only assume live in hell…”

  44. Arkadi

    Dotty, Dotty. You’ll never get to be President at this rate.

  45. Stephanie

    Am I the only one who is consistently going “Wait! What is a Christian like Joyce doing listening to someone with so obviously a Jewish name like Hymmel? For that matter, what’s a nice Jewish book like Hymmel doing singing to a bunch of the goyische?” 😉

    1. Charles Phipps

      It’s doubly funny with your Joyce avatar.

    2. Bill

      As I pointed out once before, “Himmel” with an ‘I’ instead of the ‘Y’ is the German word for “heaven”.

  46. April Black

    Omigosh, I’ve actually reached the newest page. I was scared this would happen. I love this comic why did it have to end so soooooon. jk. but I do love this comic. I have never cared for comics and stuff that had a lot of main chars, but this comic has really helped me enjoy the unique personalities and lives of each char. Amber Sal Billie and Ruth are my faves tho. cus they all got zesty lifes.

  47. Roborat

    Love that fourth panel. It looks like something has snapped in Dorothy’s brain.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

*

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.