232

Straights
Posted on October 22, 2019 by David M Willis

232 thoughts on “Straights”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Danny’s acting a bit bi-polar

    …

    ←←←*runs that way*

    1. Poskie

      boooooo,,,, bi-te me

    2. Suitora

      Danny’s engaging in his regular bi-jinks.

      1. Screwball

        Guess I may as well bi-te the bullet & join in…

    3. Kim

      Not touching this.
      Good Bi!

    4. Ryan

      He’s just an innocent bi-stander in all this.

    5. He Who Abides

      Bi the bi, has anyone else noticed that Drew looks like he could be Joyce’s cousin? It might be the eyes.

      1. Charlie Spencer

        It’s his contacts. They’re bi-focal.

        1. thejeff

          Bi-focals allow you to see through bi-invisibility?

          (Jokes aside, do we know Drew’s bi?)

        2. Seregiel

          Assumption is Drew is bi because Ethan brought him to help Danny with the biangst Dorothy said he had.

        3. Seregiel

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-10/01-birthday-pursuit/grumpy/ – nvm. Drew himself identifies bi.

        4. Agnes Nitt

          Where did he bi those, bi the way?

    6. Reltzik

      So if bi erasure means that people don’t remember that any bi people exist, is that an example of orientation bi-nary?

    7. BrokenEye, the True False Prophet

      On second thought, *runs this way*→→→

  2. Cattleprod

    Damn it, I’m humming Money for Nothing.

    1. Stephen Bierce

      “That little f–t with the earring and the makeup”…

      1. Bunny

        Yeah Buddy, that’s his own hair.

      2. ValdVin

        Isn’t it “earring and the mink coat”, or am I mondegreening?

        1. Norah

          I always thought it was “makeup”.

        2. Delicious Taffy

          It’s “searing yellow main cup”.

        3. Kamino Neko

          It’s makeup. Mink coat makes no sense in this case. Mink coats weren’t a common accessory for rock stars, or a signature of any.

        4. ValdVin

          I cannot find the original Dire Straits video but from what I remember, that guy is wearing a mink coat. And it’s an actual MTV video which is inset on the animated Dire Straits video.

        5. Alan Lafond

          Many of the lines from the song come from actual statements overheard by Mark Knopfler when he was at an appliance store. The store had a wall of televisions all tuned to MTV, and the person working at the store was making comments about a Motley Crue music video that was playing. As glam rockers, earrings and makeup were a standard part of their on-stage look. Mink coats were not.

          In an interview Mark Knopfler stated “The lead character in Money for Nothing is a guy who works in the hardware department in a television/​custom kitchen/​refrigerator/​microwave appliance store. He’s singing the song. I wrote the song when I was actually in the store. I borrowed a bit of paper and started to write the song down in the store. I wanted to use a lot of the language that the real guy actually used when I heard him, because it was more real.”

    2. avistel

      custom kitchen deliveri~~es

      1. StClair

        we got to move these
        refrigerators

        1. Wizard

          We got to move these color TV’s

        2. Clif

          The song never says where we got to move them to.

        3. Bathymetheus

          They’re like litter. As soon as the stuff leaves your hands, it ceases to exist.

        4. DSL

          I’m going to guess that “move” in this case is retail-ese for “sell” — as in we’ve got to sell this stuff and get it out of the store.

        5. thejeff

          “We got to install microwave ovens
          Custom kitchen deliveries
          We got to move these refrigerators
          We got to move these color TV’s”

          They’re delivering the stuff, not selling it. They’re moving the refrigerators into the customer’s kitchen.

    3. John

      I’ve had it stuck in my head all evening anyway, after thinking, “Oh yeah, that’s the way you do it,” upon wiping out an entire Snakeman base raid and capturing their commander (whom I needed for research purposes) with no friendly casualties in my X-COM game. (Superhuman Ironman, without some Cheesy god-mode hack. Eat your heart out, SEMMF!)

    4. Keulen

      What’s that? Hawaiian noises?

      1. Michelle J. Caboose

        He’s bangin’ on the bongos like a chimpanzee!

    5. Foxhack

      We got to move to Be ver lyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

      Hills that is

      (I submitted this comment and it didn’t go through so either I got banned or the site hates Weird Al)

      1. Deanatay

        Nah, it made it through.

        That little Clampett got his own ce-ment pond
        That little Clampett, he a million-aire

      2. Axel

        UHF is iconic

    6. plasticwrap

      I literally only know the words “money for nothing and chicks for free”
      I have a couple of buddies who always put on Sultans of Swing and this on when they get to light their Friday night jay

      1. Miri

        I thought it was “kicks for free”… I suck at this game though!

    7. Charlie Spencer

      I want my,
      I want my,
      I want my MTV.

      Mostly I want my MTV the way it was when it showed music videos ’round the clock.

      1. Clif

        It’s still there, just hiding on YouTube. Waiting to be put into a playlist.

      2. thejeff

        Wasn’t that about 5 minutes when it first appeared?

  3. Madock345

    Jacob might qualify as Dire, he certainly seems to be a size category larger than the rest of the cast. This is what makes it so confusing that he hasn’t yet eaten the others.

    1. John

      Turning on the smaller cast members would leave him vulnerable to Beef and Galasso.

    2. Ferret

      Perhaps Willis is saving that for sweeps.

    3. Pablo360

      Maybe if Straits had been Dire, Joseph would have actually had trouble.

    4. Needfuldoer

      “Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?”

      1. Cattleprod

        So Toedad eats the rest of the Legion of Shitty Parents? Works for me.

  4. Mada

    and Danny shows up in time to shatter the gravity of the situation.

    1. King Daniel

      Come on, it’s Amber who’s defying gravity.

      1. Cholma

        [Amber jumps into frame, already in mid-song]
        “It’s time to try
        Defying gravity
        I think I’ll try
        Defying gravity
        Kiss me goodbye
        I’m defying gravity
        And you won’t bring me down!”

        1. Delicious Taffy

          No no, no no, no no, no no no (Ooh-who-hoo)

        2. Delicious Taffy

          Dang it, I went with ELO, but maybe it should’ve been MCR.

        3. plasticwrap

          both are good choices tbh, (but mostly if it’s three cheers era MCR)

        4. Cholma

          (I love Idina Menzel, (Adele Dazeem?) but this version by Kerry Ellis is my favorite.)

  5. John

    Drew clearly hasn’t seen Joyce around Dorothy.

  6. Cyrus

    That’s a surprisingly muted reaction from Joyce.

    1. Bunny

      That’s shock.

    2. Bladeglory

      Oh, it’ll catch up to her.
      *scene transitions to Jocye, staring straight up from bed*
      Yep, there it is.

      1. ValdVin

        Sounds familiar. Did she learn that bit from Amber?

        1. Schpoonman

          Yep, after Amber met Joe’s dad.

    3. Delicious Taffy

      To quote a certain vizier, “I think she took it rather well.”

    4. Ophidiophile

      Poor Joyce; she always knew she wasn’t good enough for Jacob.

      1. Ophidiophile

        She may even be relieved that the universe is righting itself.

  7. StClair

    Go to Heck, Drew.

    1. King Daniel

      Drew hasn’t even done anything bad in this universe that we know of, though?

      Unless you count his being an obviously incorrigi-bi-le punster, that is.

      1. plasticwrap

        Drew’s a smug IRL shitposter, that’s reason enough until he proves his goodness

    2. Emperor Norton II

      Are you heck-ling Drew right now?

  8. JetstreamGW

    Don’t worry, Joyce. You probably still have a shot with Dorothy.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      OTP! O T P! O! T! P! >8C

    2. Agemegos

      But not much of a shot; Dorothy thinks she’s Kinsey-scale zero.

      1. Agemegos

        But maybe she figures that by the 2068 election season bicurious experimentation in college will be a credit to her election campaign. It’s very tricky to work with such long-term plans in a time of sweeping change.

    3. Bagge

      Becky: I KNEW IT!

  9. Angel

    So what are we calling the Danny/Drew ship

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Drewny. Drannew. Girugamesh.

    2. Ferret

      Sloppy Seconds. Because it’s proof that while Walky keeps getting Danny’s sloppy seconds, Danny is getting Ethan’s.

      1. vitalProximity

        Also this would be hilarious to see Danny realize if it started happening.

    3. vitalProximity

      Emotional masochism.

      1. Clif

        Emotional masochism is always popular, so sure.

    4. plasticwrap

      Drew’s SO not getting laid before Christmas.

      1. Deanatay

        Pretty sure Drew’s already gotten some from Ethan.

        1. He Who Abides

          Most likely on Fuckface Jr’s back.

  10. BBCC

    Drew, please, timing.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      I know, right? He should’ve waited at least one beat panel.

      1. BBCC

        I was more thinking until Joyce isn’t standing right there but. Yes. That too. XD

  11. Heather Flowers

    Honestly, I’m just glad Joyce is taking responsibility for the situation. She’s not mad at Jacob or Raidah, she understands that the fault is with her. I think this is the best possible outcome for her emotional growth and well-being.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      None of this would have happened if Joyce hadn’t insinuated herself into the Harrison visit. It also wouldn’t have happened if Jacob had exercised some impulse control, though.

      1. Agemegos

        “Plenty of fault to go ’round”.

        1. James Rye

          Yeah, to blame it all on Joyce alone would be a bit unfair.

      2. Deadjolras

        None of this would’ve happened if Harrison had been an only child so the blame actually goes to Jacob’s parents.

        1. Br44n5m

          I mean true but if his grandparents had just not had kids who’s even to say this could happen so it’s clearly their fault

        2. thejeff

          I blame Eve. None of this would have happened without her.

        3. Br44n5m

          But what if god never made Adam and Eve? Blame him, he is the root

        4. Emperor Norton II

          But what about GodGod, who made god? Clearly he’s the one behind all of this mess.

        5. Clif

          Counterwise, if Joyce hadn’t lied, Raidah would have still been Jacob’s girlfriend. So progress?

      3. thejeff

        Even if Jacob had exercised impulse control, she’d still be here devastated with her friendship with Jacob ruined.
        The only impulsive thing Jacob did (ever?) was kiss her and while that may have made it hurt more, it didn’t change the outcome. He could also have outed her at once or let her flee, but that would have just changed it into more humiliation than anything.

        Once she lied about being his girlfriend, there was no good outcome for Joyce. Other than the fantasy of Jacob making the lie truth.

        1. thejeff

          Which, by the way, isn’t to say Jacob comes off particularly well in any of this. He doesn’t.

        2. Agemegos

          Yeah, my opinion of Jacob fell like a rock when he played along with Joyce’s bizarre lie.

        3. Skeptible

          And then he showed zero tolerance for imperfection in Joyce or himself. That does not bode well for a future with him. I say Joyce dodged a bullet.

        4. Clif

          I think so.

        5. thejeff

          Lying about being someone’s girlfriend goes well beyond “imperfection”.

        6. SuperZero

          She said one word, realized she screwed up, and immediately started trying to bail–although, yeah, without actually trying to correct what she said.
          Which, I just realized, means Jacob assumes she did something worse than she did.

    2. Needfuldoer

      Maybe she’ll start to digest just how manipulative she can be, and where those tactics come from.

      1. Clif

        Embrace your inner mom, Joyce? I dunno if that works.

    3. plasticwrap

      To be completely honest, I feel it’s unfair to blame her 100%, but yeah, it’s nice to see some reasonable personal accountability.

    4. Ron

      I doubt she is. The way I interpret her spoken thoughts here, she thinks this is “God’s punishment” for her not following His ways.

      1. SillyGoose

        Is it? I read it as “I screwed up, I know it, and since I assess everything I do through the lens of my faith first, I need to apologize to God for being a Bad Christian.” Apologies to human beings round you optional at this point, I’m afraid. But we’ll see.

      2. thejeff

        It’s all because she didn’t go to church.

        1. Clif

          Good one. Mike should explain it to her.

      3. Will

        I’m not really seeing it that way. I think she’s just viewing this, as she does most things, through her religion and instead of being like “God, why hast thou forsaken me?!” she’s doing more of a “Hey God, I just realized I was being awful and fucked that up entirely. Sorry about that.”

  12. abysswatcher1993

    Good to recognize your mistakes now and not after erasing your memory and getting involved in an obnoxious romantic triangle with Walky and Dina.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Come again? I don’t remember that being foreshadowed.

      1. insomniac

        More a call (way) back to their incarnation in Willis’ previous comic strip, It’s Walky!

      2. Clif

        Not foreshadowed? We’ve seen from Amber/Amazigirl that memory erasure for characters is a thing that can happen. Joyce and Walky obviously deserve each other, and after Becky dies, who else would Dina turn to?

        1. abysswatcher1993

          We arent fridging Becky or Dina!

        2. Schpoonman

          If Dina or Becky get fridged I will freak out.

  13. BarerMender

    It took me a couple of minutes to get the significance of “dire straights.” But I figured Willis had too good a command of English for it to be a mistake, so I studied over it.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      You see, Jacob is straight, and his behavior, along with Joyce’s, has been incredibly dire. Drew is making an incredibly clever wordplay, and now we’re all up to speed.

      1. Zaxares

        Took me a couple of reads to get it too, and then I just sighed the long-suffering sigh that all older spouses with pun-lovers must sigh. 😛

        1. Ed Rhodes

          Took me a minute too. I was formatting the grammar kop response, when it hit me what he was doing. Callahan’s would approve. (And by approve, I mean, throw peanuts and swizzle sticks at you!)

        2. Axel

          question, are y’all straight? (baremender through ed rhodes)

        3. Delicious Taffy

          Personally, probably not.

        4. Ed Rhodes

          Yep. But, as a magician, the “straight,” “strait” thing has bugged me for years. (People insist on writing about “straight jackets!”) So, I thought, at first, this was the same thing.

  14. Cass

    I can’t decide whether or not I hope Danny off-handedly mentions this to Joe.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      If Danny doesn’t tell Joe about this, I will literally inhale oxygen.

      1. Jamie

        Please mix it with some carbon before you let it out, would you?

        1. Delicious Taffy

          I’m too much of a rebel. That oxygen is gonna stay where it’s at.

      2. Needfuldoer

        Just don’t mix it with hydrogen at a 1:2 ratio first. The resulting compound can be lethal when inhaled.

        1. King Daniel

          Yeah, that hydrogen monoxide stuff’s even used as industrial coolant (not to mention, highly persistent in remaining in your system once absorbed). Not the kind of chemical you want to inhale, especially since it’s known to cause contact burns.

        2. CJ

          Dihydronemonoxide?

        3. CJ

          I wouldn’t recommend to inhale.

        4. Agemegos

          It’s found in every single cancerous cell.

        5. He Who Abides

          Okay, kind of glad someone I know doesn’t know that.

        6. Wizard

          Incredibly addictive, also. If I were to completely stop ingesting it, doctors assure me I would die in a matter of days.

        7. Agemegos

          Like a lot of addictive drugs, it has a dramatic effect on people’s behaviour. Every serial killer and every mass killer or spree shooter is known to have been a daily user.

  15. Koms

    Well Mr. Willis, you drew Drew, now he can’t stop. He’s too late to be withdrawn.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      People seem to think Drew is a sketchy person, but I can’t remember why. He’s being painted as sort of a miscreant.

      1. Ron

        That’s because of his behaviour in his previous incarnation in “Shortpacked!”. There, he was a boyfriend to Ethan, where Drew kept nagging Ethan about his extensive transformers toy collection. His actions there were critically received by the readers and that’s seeping through in the expectations for this universe’s Drew.

        1. timemonkey

          The toy nagging was one thing, what really turned everyone against him was him blaming their entire break up on Ethan, using the most flimsy of arguments, only to come back when Ethan was in a happy and stable relationship and try to convince him to come back to him buy trying to convince Ethan that his relationship was boring and unfulfilling because he wasn’t fighting with his new boyfriend.

        2. Schpoonman

          People always say that you need bad so the good will contrast, but I don’t need to wake up every other day in a terrible mood to appreciate when I’m happy.

        3. JBento

          Nonsense. For instance, I think you don’t appreciate walking enough. Present your kneecaps, if you please.

          *readies baseball bat*

        4. He Who Abides

          I knew I liked you, JBento.

      2. Woomy

        Lol, sketchy.

        Drew.

      3. Koms

        This is as far as the puns went. RIP.

  16. oh no

    …oh I am SO using “dire straights” in the future.

    1. Sunny

      Please don’t overuse it. There are already enough people who believe it is actually spelled that way.

      1. Agemegos

        Also, “straight-laced” and “straightjacket”.

      2. plasticwrap

        Oh shit! Wth does the sans-gh spelling mean?

        1. plasticwrap

          OK nvm Google to the rescue but damn I can’t believe I’ve missed that difference for more than at least a decade.

        2. Agemegos

          Oh, and…

          A quick look at Google Ngram Viewer suggests that writers have been mistaking “strait” for “straight” at least since 1650.

        3. Agemegos

          For the edification of those of us who didn’t follow you to Google, “strait” (without the “gh”) means “tight”, “narrow”, “strict”. “Straitlaced” people have their corsets laced up tightly, the Strait of Hormuz is a narrow strip of sea….

          See the entry for strait in Wiktionary for etymology &c.

        4. Miri

          I thought you could choose to have your corset lacings horizontal (straight) or criss-crossed, with some sort of historical implication that “properly bred, genteel ladies” used straight lacings… I also assumed that a straight jacket kept you on the “straight and narrow” by preventing you from doing harm to yourselves or others.

          And I knew you could navigate straits as in tricksy passages whilst sailing but never made THAT link when I could instead invent etymology… I may need to hand in my geek card ?

        5. Agemegos

          I’ve read the “laces straight rather than crossed” theory too, put forward with an authoritative air and no indication that it was speculative. But it was, rather bizarrely, asserted with respect to shoe-laces rather than corset-laces.

        6. Delicious Taffy

          How the fuck?

  17. Shane Wegner

    Eh, YOLO. Maybe Jacob will calm down and change his mind someday. Maybe not. Nothing lost if he’s too good for Trash Joyce in the first place.

    1. plasticwrap

      *shocked face*
      trash Joyce? please explain

      1. timemonkey

        Joyce’s actions have now given her full access to garbage roof.

      2. Shane Wegner

        I don’t actually think Joyce is trash, I say shoot from the hip and try things out sometimes. More I was just exaggerating how Jacob just characterized her as like, too unworthy to be girlfriend material. And she is kinda sorta buying into it. She DID start this off with an impulsive lie, but several other factors kept it going.

        I get Jacob feels like things are changing quickly and it even felt like he wanted it to be someone’s fault, and Joyce did fib a little bit as the spark that set off all these fireworks. But I think Jacob is going to think it over and realize letting things go on a song as they did with Raidah when he wasn’t feeling it was the real powder keg.

        Does Joyce have a lot of ways she could improve? Sure, she’s a long way from expressing herself in a heartfelt and honest way romantically and erotically. But I don’t actually think she’s trash because she fibbed a little on a whim.

        1. thejeff

          I don’t think she’s trash either (but then I don’t think the other Garbage Roof denizens are trash).

          Still, let’s not whitewash this as “fib a little.” Joyce messed up big time and Jacob would have been perfectly in the right to call her out for up front when he first met up with her and Harrison – humiliating as that would have been for Joyce. Perfectly reasonable to cut her off as a friend after that too.

          That he covered for her and let it go on muddies things up and shifts a bunch of the blame to him, but doesn’t change how badly she behaved to start with. And he doesn’t even know that she’d been plotting with Sarah to break up his relationship for weeks.

          I wouldn’t be comfortable dating someone who did that to me. Even if I liked them otherwise.

        2. Agemegos

          Yeah, Joyce shot her chance (and probably her friendship) with Jacob in the foot the moment she told Harrison that she was Jacob’s boyfriend. Even if she had got away before Jacob arrived that would have come out when Jacob introduced Harrison and Raidah. And when it does come out Joyce looks insane.

  18. Delicious Taffy

    I wonder if Joyce is gonna develop a habit of questioning her faith every time something goes catastrophically wrong for her.

    1. thejeff

      Joyce questioning her faith is basically the entire plot of the comic.

    2. Sam

      Wouldn’t be surprised if she did.

    3. JBento

      But that’s the thing, isn’t it? If god is just, omnipotent and has an everyone-encompassing plan, then everything that happens is necessarily an intended part of that plan. So, whenever something goes catastrophically wrong for you either:

      a) your faith is wrong; or
      b) you deserved those bad things that happened to you.

      1. Clif

        C) You’re being tested.
        D) it’s all part of the plan to make you a better (stronger more competent) person.
        E) it seems like it’s catastrophic wrong, but that’s only because you can’t see the big picture.
        F) this is the work of a malign magic-using witch and she must be burned.

        1. John

          If Joyce were a worse person, she’d be setting Raidah on fire right now.

    4. Mishyana

      She actually seems to be handling it better than I was afraid she would. I was kind of afraid this whole thing inevitably blowing up in her face was going to cause some sort of grand mal “I have sinned and must repent” freak out and send a lot of the progress she’s made in other areas flying out the window.

  19. nlips

    …suddenly I love Drew.

  20. Charles Phipps

    When there was a flood, God sent you two handsome bi men in a boat.

    Wait, that’s not how it goes.

  21. Pocky

    They’re like regular straights. . . but dire?

    1. SuperZero

      So exactly the same.

      1. SuperZero

        But with better natural weapons and hit points.

        1. nlips

          Winner!

        2. Miri

          I wish to put them in corsets. Can I completely cross everything and do so please?

  22. Bagge

    Sure did, Joyce.

  23. Eve

    Re that alt text: You are the one with the power, Willis. You are the only one who can stop him.

    1. plasticwrap

      Like any good God, the ability to balance omnipotence and the free will of your creations is paramount

  24. bobvankay

    I feel the situation is getting too serious, Drew do the thing.

  25. Keulen

    DoA Book 10: I Still Hate Your Stupid Handsome Face

    1. Deanatay

      DoA Book 10: It’s Understandable That You Hate My Stupid Handsome Face

  26. Sol Karas

    Okay Joyce now go and talk to Joe so I can get that sweet Joe/Joyce interaction that I crave.

    Although considering the last time they talked was Joe *supremely* backsliding, she might not want to talk to him.

    1. plasticwrap

      I feel bad for Joe. He OD’d on the college-era playa bit. GE doesn’t need to settle down freshman year already! That’ll only lead to regret (at least eventually)

      1. Sol Karas

        Like, I doubt Joe/Joyce would ever actually happen. I’d like it to, but I have heavy doubts.

        So I just settle for them interacting with each other, since they play off each other really well (they did in the Walkyverse, too). Just not sure how well right now, considering
        a) Joe’s not doing so great.
        b) Joyce has done the thing that Joe hates.

        Their last couple interactions went… poorly.

    2. Josh Spicer

      Oh cool, someone else who shares my thoughts.

    3. JBento

      If it’s the interaction I think it is – the one where he and Malaya go off to have sex – that’s not “backsliding”. Joe’s problem was never that he was a single that liked to have consensual casual sex. That’s literally NOBODY’s problem, ever. His problem was he put what he thought of people’s “fuckability” (eugh) online for other people to see.

      1. King Daniel

        No, he’s appeared in Leslie’s class since then, having clearly reverted back to his former mannerisms. Joyce and Leslie even called him out for it in the very next strip.

        1. JBento

          Oh, yeah, that’s a Bad!Joe, though hopefully not as bad as he was in the beginning. Had forgotten about that shirt.

      2. thejeff

        Joe thought of it as backsliding though, which is crucial. “Lasted longer than I thought I would” and likely leading to the mannerism reversion in the strip King Daniel linked.

        Because Joe doesn’t see his problem clearly.

  27. BenRG

    I think that Joyce would e more upset if she were not just plain confused about what the heck has been happening over the past few hours. Meanwhile, Danny is coming to realise by bitter experience (his and others) that relationships are hard.

  28. Agemegos

    Drannyce?

    1. BenRG

      I still think that there would be a deep irony to this given that Roomies started off with Danny basically trying to find any way possible to avoid stalker!Joyce.

      1. timemonkey

        Which is why I get such a laugh out of how much Joyce doesn’t even register Danny’s existance.

  29. KSClaw

    Oh shut up Drew, everyone has problems no matter their sexuality.

  30. NaYa

    Wait, so did Danny & Drew witness the entire exchange between Jacob & Joyce just now?

    1. BenRG

      Yes, and thanks to bisexual invisibility, neither of them noticed their audience! (Yes, lots of sarcasm and irony there.)

      1. plasticwrap

        if I were invisible (invisible, invisible…)

  31. plasticwrap

    yeah STFU Drew, nobody likes a smug sexy new person who’s willing to tread all over the awkward truths like there are no real consequences for doing so, RUMPLOVER

  32. Ohmsford

    Maybe Danny will tell Jacob he was a jerk. Maybe. Though that might require he assert himself, so probably not

    1. BenRG

      I think that it is more likely that Drew will end up moderator whilst Danny and Joyce have a “Why I suck at relationships” competitive debate.

  33. AbelUndercity

    Dumbing of Age Book 10: We Got to Install Microwave Ovens

  34. DarkoNeko

    “anyone got popcorn ?”

  35. Vulcanodon

    So Jacob can be cruel-disguised-as-noble, and Drew can just be openly cruel.

  36. quigzby

    If someone like Joyce blew her chance with Jacob because of this one instance, an instance where Jacob himself was not beyond culpability, then poor Jacob is going to end up a lonely single old man. Too bad the rest of humanity tends to make mistakes, something that his checklist does not allow for. But hey, at least he’ll be able to look back at his life and see that he followed his checklist.

    1. Vulcanodon

      Yep. That part where he says he likes her but she just doesn’t measure up…

      I mean, that IS what he said, essentially.

      1. thejeff

        With all nuance and detail removed, sure.
        When you replace the specific “lied about already dating me, throwing me into an incredibly awkward situation” with the generic “doesn’t measure up”.

        You could do that with anything: “but you cheated on me” with “doesn’t measure up.”

    2. Sam

      He chose to maintain the lie for his own reasons, but it is absolutely fair for him to go ‘the way you acted here went too far for my liking to build an actual relationship on’. He lets people make mistakes and is even willing to cover for them, but it is fair for him to go ‘I don’t really like either of our actions here and I don’t want to build a relationship out of this’.

    3. thejeff

      I mean, just because she lied to your family about being your girlfriend, that’s no reason to have reservations. If you won’t overlook something that petty, you’re certain to die cold and alone.

      1. Lexi

        The way Jacob phrased it, it sounds a lot like he has a checklist, and any flaws or deviations from it will immediately disqualify you. Saying “I like everything about you except for this one flaw that was revealed just now” is kinda the same as saying “I can’t handle my ideal woman not being 100% perfect at all times.” It just sorta shows that Jacob is looking for an idea, and not a human. All humans have flaws and baggage, and apparently he’s not willing to work with those in his quest for his checklist woman.

        Mind you, this being DoA, he has Lucy as a fallback, who is Joyce except didn’t lie that one time. But even that reveals a flaw in Jacob’s thinking. He has chemistry with Joyce because she’s the one he spent time with. He likes her because they did things together. You can’t just plug another girl whose exactly Joyce but minus one detail and expect to get the exact same results. Lucy wasn’t the girl he went to church with. Or the girl who crushed her toe in the exercise machine. She’s not the one who he helped through a spiritual crisis. She’s not the goof who spilled all her romantic idealations to him over brunch with his brother.

        Lucy may end up filling every checkbox on his list. But I don’t know if that means that she’s going to actually be the one he loves. Maybe he’ll make better memories with her. Or maybe he’ll realize that people are more than checklists. I’m hoping for the latter.

        1. JBento

          Jacob ends up with Dorothy, bonding over their love of checklists.

        2. thejeff

          Well, he had a checklist, as had been discussed a bit in the immediately previous strips and he was throwing the whole thing he had away to find someone more like Joyce – but without the lying to his family bit.
          I don’t think that says anything about “must be 100% perfect”. He’s revising his whole idea of what he wants and he knows about plenty of Joyce’s flaws and seems accepting of them. Her weird church upbringing, her odd food habits, all the things she was afraid made her not good enough. He’s okay with all that.

          Except for the lying part. This really seems to me like a reasonable dealbreaker. Is that not allowed?

          Jacob’s never met Lucy and has no thoughts of switching to her, so that’s not really relevant, even if the alt-text joked about it.

      2. Clif

        Thejeff – what you said, but without the sarcasm.

        1. thejeff

          Really? It’s just fine. Lie about dating me. I’ll have no concerns or worries about trusting you. Perfectly good start to a relationship.

          People are weird.

    4. Vulcanodon

      (Gives inexperienced girl overwhelmed by her own feelings, who poured her heart out to him in front of his brother, a toe-curling kiss) “I like you, mostly, but not everything about you, and there was that lie you told that I also told, which was your fault because I like you. So I’m going to look for a girl who’s like you but without ever being out of control for even an unguarded moment.”

      Nuanced enough?

  37. quigzby

    Oh, and wait until “momma” Sarah gets wind of what went down between Joyce & Jacob. THAT should be interesting 😀

  38. Rabisch

    I’m really sorry for Joyce. But the possibility that Danny and Drew will become friends is intriguing.

    1. BenRG

      Drew tries to solve Danny’s problems by setting him up with Joyce.

      “But we hardly know each other!”

      “You act as if that’s a negative!”

  39. hof1991

    Joyce did Jacob a solid by showing him that Raidah wasn’t right for him. But he’s right that it’s hard to build a relationship when you start with lies. Jacob was both protecting her and making up his mind that the lies were disqualifying. It’s ok. He doesn’t owe her his love. It’s her screwup not his. He was strong and gentle in letting her know. No drama, no yelling. He’s not bad at adulting for a teen. Also smart and honest enough to end it with Raidah right now.

    1. Clif

      The kiss was strong and gentle in letting her know? It’s always interesting to see what comic others are reading.

  40. Sirksome

    I’d feel sorry for Joyce if she didn’t handle this wrong from the start. Plus in general DoA is very long form storytelling so who knows if this is the end of Joyce and Jacob. If anything her odds have improved since Jacob’s soon to be single.

  41. ischemgeek

    Jacob used consequences! It’s super effective!

    I am hoping that Joyce learns a few lessons from this:
    1, not cool to put others in a position where they have to lie for you
    2, it’s better to be forthright than not.
    3, be respectful of others’ autonomy
    4, creepy rom com shit only works in the movies

    1. ischemgeek

      Jacob isn’t without his own flaws but Joyce has a pattern of steamrolling others and not respecting their views and autonomy and damn is it nice to see her face the music for it and recognize she done fucked up.

      And really I don’t fault Jacob for how he handled it. Almost at all. Frankly what she did to Jacob is only topped by what she did to Ethan. He has every right to be pissed off and creeped out and having the hots for her isn’t going to change it.

      My one complaint is he didn’t get Joyce’s consent for the kiss and he should have. Otherwise, totally justified.

  42. JBento

    Is there a consensus on if 3rd panel is “I did this thing wrong, and that was wrong of me” or “this is my punishment for skipping church”? 2nd panel makes me lean towards the former, but I’m not sure.

    1. Seregiel

      I took it as assuming responsibility, but trying to put some of her feeling of guilt onto another entity. Not sure if it was to double down on guilting herself or erasing some because there is an instant consequence of being lower in His eyes so the punishment is already manifest celestially. Sorry if that last sentence was wired weirdly – half the chat box just disappeared. Y

    2. thejeff

      I’d say the first, but tied to her skipping church not so much as punishment but as part of her moral decline. “First I skip church, now I’m lying.”

  43. Jago

    The word “straights” and how some people use it makes me go -_-
    But this time it’s pretty funny.

  44. Seregiel

    My Joyce ship is her and anyone that would make Carol go side eye within the confines of Joyce’s sexual identity. Ethan didn’t seem to raise as much of an eye as Jewish as I thought so Joe might not make that grade. Jacob (it DID start gross), Sayid (if he learns to make her pizza right), Walky (not being revisited), now that Danny identifies as bi maybe… she’s consistently gone for significantly taller guys in this universe so Joe is the only not truely burned ship and even when she is disgusted with him, she trusts him and that’s her biggest ongoing male issue so I’m just going to hope if that ship flies that Carol gets a heart attack.

    1. TheWanderingMist

      Joyce’s sexuality: Straight except for Sal, but she won’t admit that last part.

      1. StClair

        and Dorothy.
        and Billie’s boobs that she could “crawl up into and be safe and warm forever.”

  45. Dracke

    Yes you did, but he was kind of an asshole at the end ( that kiss was plain cruel)

  46. TheWanderingMist

    Well, time to kill Drew. It was fun while he lasted.

  47. Deacon Blues

    So… I think I might have said this before, but since one of the things I love about Dumbing of Age is when they reexamine Walkyverse character relationships/dynamics in a new context… I would really love if this leads to Danny and Joyce having actual interactions. I’m not necessarily saying they should try a relationship, though I would kind of get a kick out of that. I just want Danny and Joyce to get a dynamic.

  48. quigzby

    So, the new character, Drew, is a butt-hole. It really bugs me when a person makes a joke out of another individual’s misfortune.

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