495

Noon
Posted on October 24, 2013 by David M Willis

495 thoughts on “Noon”

  1. Kladeos

    SAL!

    1. xain

      JOYCE!

      1. CthulhuPanda36

        Rutherford B. Hays!

        1. Aizat

          MENDOZA!

        2. Nobody

          McBain!

        3. Kennerly

          Adolphe Menjou!

        4. Sam

          AAAAAAAAALVIIIIIIN

        5. lejwocky

          TETSUOOOOOOOOO!!!!

        6. GrrArg42

          KAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHNNNNN!!!!!!

        7. Aizat

          KANEDAAAAAAA!!!!

        8. Keroshino

          KANEDAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

        9. Ahighfunctioningsociopath

          LEEEROOOY JEEENNNKINS

        10. Kavonde

          LOUD NOISES!

        11. Hoobadoo

          Mr. Beardsley? Chief?! McCloud!

        12. Midoc

          LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

        13. RevenantBacon

          KAAAAAHHHHNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        14. JDavis

          MAC FRY!!!

        15. Jay Eff

          JET-SOOOOON!!

        16. Tachyon

          SUSAN B. ANTHONY!!!!!

        17. tahrey

          GAAAAAARRRRFFIIIIIIIIIEEEEEELLLLLD!!!

        18. Just for kix

          KAMEHAMEHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

        19. MIB4u

          C-c-c-combo breaker!!!

        20. Josh

          DONKEY!

        21. tyren22

          SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!

        22. tyren22

          Clearly I overestimated the width of the comment field. Let me try again.

          *ahem*

          SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!

        23. Scott

          Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen!

        24. CianM1301

          WIIIIIILMAAAAAA!!!

        25. nick

          LIIIIIIINNNNNNNKKKKKKK!!!!
          HEYYY!!!!
          LIISSTTTEEEENNN!!!

        26. Resne

          Rocky!

        27. cj95

          STELLLLA!!!!

        28. VizardJeffhog

          Rose…bud…

        29. jbere

          ADRIAAAANNN

        30. Curacaobill

          Nora!

        31. FairyGothMama

          COBRAAAAAAA!!
          (I must be old, I couldn’t believe nobody did that one…)

        32. Stompinstein

          EMILIO!

        33. SplashBoogie

          Lana. LANA. LANNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAA

          Danger zone.

        34. Kirt Dankmyer

          Rocky!

        35. KingStarscream

          Bueller. Bueller.
          …
          Bueller.

        36. Bill

          AAAADRIIIAAAAAANNNN!

        37. That guy

          LOUD NOISES!!!!!!!

        38. That guy

          SCOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!

        39. MORBO

          LEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOY WIIIIIILIIIIIIIIIAMSON
          SCORES OCCASIONALLY

        40. Aisling

          FREEEEEDOOOOM!!!

        41. Nezumi

          YOU’RE GEORGE BERNARD SHAW!

        42. NightmareWarden

          DINKLEBERG!

        43. Dean

          FAMOUS MOVIE QUOTE!

        44. tahrey

          Lucita Toelle ul-Laputa?

        45. Andrew_C

          Ralph Waldo Emersooon!

        46. Johnpocalypse

          RALPH WALDO PICKLECHIPS!

          … I don’t know him.

        47. Animal

          Jacob McCandless.

        48. Volkai

          . . . Bob Dole?

          I’m jus- I’m- I’ll go now.

        49. Orfidius

          James Baxter!

        50. Keroshino

          JAKODAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

        51. Roborat

          Gary?

        52. xain

          Ralph Waldo Pickle Chips

        53. TEi

          i dunno him :<

        54. Keroshino

          John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

        55. Jeffrywith1e

          that’s my name too!

        56. The Chosen One

          It used to be my name too, but I had to change it because of the people always shouting, whenever I went out.

        57. Thasvaddef

          His name was Robert Paulson. His name was Robert Paulson. His name was Robert Paulson.

        58. Phillip Wilde

          His name was Agent Coulson. His name was Agent Coulson. His name was Agent Coulson.

        59. Chadington Bear

          Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen

        60. Aizat

          IT WAS HIS HAT, MR KRABS. HE WAS NUMBER ONE!

        61. Ancestral Hamster

          KHAAAAAAAAAAN!

        62. xain

          Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky the 4th!

        63. Renshear Blade

          The Undertaker?

        64. VizardJeffhog

          WAZOWSKI!

        65. Jeffrywith1e

          ED! and Ein.

        66. Shoten

          Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andre Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the 3rd

        67. xain

          Bonzu Pippinpaddleopsicopolis the Third !

        68. Belades

          IT’S A GUNDAM!

        69. CthulhuPanda36

          It’s Godzilla!

        70. Keroshino

          This is no Zaku, boy! No Zaku!

        71. Bill

          Albus… Percival… Wulfric… Brian… Dumbledore.
          “It’s a very long name.”

        72. Aizat

          CUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT!!! CUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT!!!

        73. Heimdall

          BOOOOOOOYYYYYLE!

        74. Karma Aster

          DR. SCOTT!

        75. Leonou

          JANET!

        76. James

          ROCKY!

        77. VizardJeffhog

          BRAD!

        78. Kirt Dankmyer

          Bullwinkle!

        79. Roborat

          Grunt!

        80. SyntheticPhylum

          All present and accounted for, Mister President, SIR!

        81. Badeyes

          Charrrlllleeeeyyy-
          That kills people.

        82. MrMercury

          MAMAAAAAAAAAAA JUST KILLLEEED MAAAN

        83. GrrArg42

          oops, didn’t see you already did that one.. wasn’t trying to copy you AH, sorry

        84. Ancestral Hamster

          S’alright. I did the same thing lower down. Can’t be helped with the odd formatting.

        85. vonnegut

          Harvey Manfrenjinsinjen

      2. LiveWire

        “Girl with Triangle Grin!”

    2. alex

      SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

      1. Aizat

        LIQUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!!!!

        1. Shadow12000

          OCELOOOOOOT!!!

      2. Fred

        BadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadger Mushroom Mushroom!

    3. Agera

      KAGOOOMEEEE!!!!

      1. NinjaNick

        SPARTAAAAA!

        1. nikofintikis

          gaaaamzeeeeeeee

        2. Aizat

          OYAJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

        3. Tsa

          Bueller?

          Bueller?

          …Bueller?

    4. Stone

      GREAT SCOTT!

    5. KingKong

      SASUKE!!!!!

      1. xain

        Ichigo!!!!

        1. Switch

          SHARROONNN!

        2. Ben

          DOC! TOR! WHO!

        3. Kladeos

          Good lord what have I unleashed on this page.

        4. xain

          hey don’t take all the credit

        5. Keroshino

          SARAH!!!!!

      2. Arkantos

        SAIIIITOOOO!

        1. Far

          Rrrk-uleess!

        2. Scapegrace

          RRREEEEEDDDWWWWAAAAALLLLL!!!!

        3. neon5162

          JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIEMERSMITH

  2. Tunaro

    Sal is not a morning person

    1. David Herbert

      At least she didn’t have an empty bottle to shove in Joyce’s neck.

      1. GrrArg42

        I think she could borrow one from Billie, she might have one in stock.

  3. Yotomoe

    Joyce, stop doing that.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Nobody likes morning breath.

    2. Aizat

      NO ONE STOPS THE ONE WITH THE TRIANGLE SMILE!

      1. Bastylos

        Joyce just became more terrifying. Thanks for that.

        1. Aizat

          Joyce has always been terrifying.

        2. GrrArg42

          Run for your lives!!!! Joyce is destroying Tokyo!

        3. VizardJeffhog

          JUST GET IN THE EFFING ROBOT, AMBER

        4. Kernanator

          But I don’t wanna!

          DO IT, OR THE KITTEN GETS IT!

        5. Thasvaddef

          Joyce is the one who knocks.

        6. Keroshino

          She will knock four times.

        7. Skull025

          Those bicyclist Mormons never give up.

        8. Crimson Doom

          …I just imagined Joyce, exactly as overzealous as she was in the beginning… but Mormon instead.

          …I have no idea why I find this idea so hilarious.

      2. killerhamster222

        Using that logic, Calvin would be an invincible child-god

        1. Kernanator

          It’s about time you figured that out!

  4. jax

    NOON? deserved it

    1. Tunaro

      Joyce should know better, getting up before 2 on a weekend is blasphemy.

  5. OkamiKing

    Thats a choker…

  6. dragonbrain

    Well, sal might’ve just given Joyce her first fetish.

    1. Yotomoe

      Joyce’s first fetish was Sal’s Hair. Her second was Sal’s bike. 3rd was Billie’s boobs. 4th is Sal’s hand.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Joyce’s developing quite a number of Rule 36s in such a short time.

        1. Yarrr

          That’s the genderbending rule isn’t it? The porn rule’s another one.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Rule 63: “For any given male character, there is a female version of that character.”

          Rule 36: “If it exists, someone has a fetish for it. No exceptions.”

        3. Badeyes

          So out there somewhere is a person turned on by dandruff flakes?

        4. I.care.0

          I could swear that it was the rule 34

        5. CapnPanda

          No, Rule 34 means there’s just porn of it. 36 has to do with people liking said porn.

        6. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

          Shouldn’t the porn rule come after the fetish rule? That seems more accurate from a cause-effect standpoint, to me.

        7. ninja_jesus

          But not all fetishes are sexual/pornographic in nature, just as not all porn is fetish-specific.

        8. Bill

          Rule 34: There is porn of it.  No exceptions.
          Rule 35: If there is no porn of it, it will be created so as to appear that it has always been there.
          Rule 36:  If it exists (and of course it exists – see rules 34 and 35), someone has a fetish for it.  No exceptions.
          Rule 63:  For every character there exists an opposite-gender counterpart.  Only exception is if the male character is so androgynous that the female character would be no different.

          And I think, with the introduction of Joshua/Jocelyne, that Willis has covered all four of these.

    2. Mkvenner

      BOOOOOO!

  7. KingMabel

    Looks like a normal morning to me…

  8. C.W. Roden

    Yeah, that’s totally me in the mornings too. Noon is way too early to see a cheerful face.

    1. Tomaj

      cheerful face? noon is too early to see *any* face.

  9. EvergreenFir

    A marijuana chapter?

    1. AgentKeen

      And now, a Very Special DoA…..

      1. Yotomoe

        Hosted by Snoop Dog.

        1. Aizat

          Don’t you mean Snoop Lion?

        2. JessWitt

          He goes by Snoopzilla now, thank you very much.

        3. Badeyes

          No today its…

          Snoop Llama

        4. Badeyes

          Whoops forgot I can’t use those “”
          we missed the spinning Snoop Wheel

  10. Bill

    The gloves would seem to indicate this is Sal she’s waking up.  But isn’t her roommate Sarah?

    1. Kladeos

      Who wears gloves to bed?

      Also their rooms are linked by the halfbath.

      1. MarcinMN

        I’m convinced that they aren’t gloves. Her hands just look like that. 😉

        1. saltchocolate

          Blue tattoos.

        2. Kladeos

          With special effect shading so it looks textured and 3D.

        3. saltchocolate

          Compliments to the artist!

    2. BlueOneTrunk

      They do share a bathroom which connects them together.

    3. EvergreenFir

      The tag indicates it as well

    4. KingMabel

      Maybe she’s in the hallway, and just rage-quit after her fight with her brother and didn’t go back to the room?

      1. garaden

        …I’ve never heard “rage-quit” in that context before…I like it.

        1. KingMabel

          I had a friend who was an insomniac, and before I knew that about him I would always ask “When do you sleep?” and he’d always reply “I don’t sleep, I just rage-quit for a few hours.”

          I soon found this to be more fact than fiction…

        2. Cephalo the Pod

          I can’t imagine falling asleep while angry. Doesn’t seem very effective.

    5. Robert

      Sarah doesn’t strangle, she hits people with a baseball bat.

      1. Aizat

        Because she sleeps with her baseball bat.

        1. Robert

          Any smart college student should always sleep with a weapon. A dormitory is nothing more than a madhouse for violent post-pubescent teens. Monsters under the bed indeed.

        2. Aizat

          A smarter/stupider college student would’ve just place anti-personnel mines at the door.

        3. Kirt Dankmyer

          But if you’re an alcoholic, which way do you point the “face this end toward the enemy” side? YOU ARE YOUR OWN ENEMY

        4. John

          She did. She just forgot to mine the half-bath, too.

    6. begbert2

      She’s done this to Billie, and she’s not her roommate either.

  11. Yotomoe

    I don’t get the alt text. Like…I understand the reference, but I don’t get the context.

    1. EvergreenFir

      What’s it say? Can’t see it on phone

      1. Jonathan S.

        YOU HAVE ALTERED THE DEAL. PRAY I DO NOT ALTER IT FURTHER.

        1. Kirt Dankmyer

          My guess would be that Joyce just altered Sal’s expectations of when she’s supposed to be waken up, and now Sal may alter the deal further by re-arranging Joyce’s perky face

    2. Sensedog

      Darth Vader, speaking to Lando Calrissian. Empire Strikes Back. Ring a bell?

      1. Yotomoe

        “I understand the reference, but I don’t get the context.”

        1. begbert2

          It’s the choking thing. Choking = Vader = quote. Don’t overthink it.

      2. sheeted_kid

        Not to be “that guy”, but what Vader actually said was “I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it further.” Could be that Willis misremembered the quote, or it could be that he’s altering the quote for his purposes (in which case we should perhaps pray he doesn’t alter it further).

        1. Kirt Dankmyer

          See my analysis above.

          If figure either I’m right or we’re obsessing over a typo.

    3. Bill

      Darth Vader and Lando Calrissian (spelling?) in “Empire Strikes Back”.  Also a reference to Vader “force-choking” one of his subordinates in the original “Star Wars”.

      1. Yotomoe

        Alright, so it WAS just a loose joke. I was just wondering cuz I don’t remember Vader choking Lando in that scene.

        1. Shade

          He didn’t. I’m pretty sure the choking was to reinforce the reference.

        2. Jonathan S.

          Well, as he turned away, Lando was rubbing his neck, so…

      2. DSL

        Not like she could find Joyce’s LACK of faith disturbing.

        1. xKiv

          Now if there was lack of *pants* …

    4. CthulhuPanda36

      I seem to remember Joyce not being allowed to wake someone up but I thought it was Billie not Sal

      1. Kladeos

        It’s nice to see how similar the roomies are.

  12. Plasma Mongoose

    SNUFF!

    1. Yotomoe

      Hope you enjoyed Joyce up til now cuz she’s gone now.

      1. Thasvaddef

        NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo

        1. saltchocolate

          Perfect grav for that comment!

      2. Evan

        And just after we lost Ruth over in the reprinting of Roomies.

  13. Keroshino

    Oh Shit! Joyce No!!!

  14. Sensedog

    Good old Star Wars references!

  15. Kernanator

    Die, morning people.

    1. Gram91

      I take offense to that

      1. Kernanator

        And I take offense to your morningness, so we’re even.

        1. Bill

          Perfect facial expression on your avatar for this type of comment.

    2. saltchocolate

      And die BEFORE you reach my bedside.

    3. March

      Seconded. Morning is just not right.

    4. AI

      “The morning people” indeed. Anybody that speaks German can’t be /that/ bad.

      1. Drunken Nordmann

        Hört, hört!

      2. John

        You know who else spoke German? Hitler.

        1. The Candyman

          On the other hand, so did J.R.R Tolkien, so that helps balance things out.

      3. Karma Aster

        Well, yes. Sideshow Bob’s repeated attempts to kill Bart were totally just wacky hijinks.

    5. Mkvenner

      Third.

    6. Ancestral Hamster

      I second the motion!

      1. Ancestral Hamster

        Whoops! Should have read further, so fourthed.

  16. Jen Aside

    Darth Sal

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Is Sal the master or the apprentice?

      1. Shade

        She’s clearly the Mandalorian.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          You mean Midichlorian right???

        2. The Phantom's Belch

          How dare you mention those parasites! They are not the source of the Force; they are drawn to it like moths to a flame!

          (As a side effect, however, they seem to retard aging.)

        3. Kiggy

          I like you

  17. Sammie1053

    FINISH HER!!!

    1. KingMabel

      FRIENDSHIP

      1. Aizat

        FRIENDSHIP? AGAIN?

        1. Keroshino

          OF COURSE, BECAUSE IT’S MAGIC!!!

      2. Sammie1053

        This response confuses me.

        1. The Candyman

          In Mortal Kombat II, new ways of defeating an opponent were added. One of them was Friendship, where you would make friends with your opponent.

        2. KingMabel

          I figured someone would post FAINTALITY before me so I wrote the one everyone forgets

        3. drs

          Is that Nanoha Befriending? I.e. blasting them into submission while asking them to talk to you?

      3. Mkvenner

        YOU FRIENDSHIP IS MATCH AGAINST THE MIGHT OF THE ORDO MALLEUS.

        1. Aizat

          IT’LL TAKE MORE THAN YOUR PUNY ORDO MALLEUS TO STOP DEVASTATOR!

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      I would have gone with BABALITY myself.

    3. Aeron

      KILL JOY!

    4. Ancestral Hamster

      HULK SMASH PUNY GALACTUS!

  18. Aizat

    Someone strangled The One with The Triangle Smile?

    1. Yotomoe

      Bout Time!

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Did You Just Choke Cthulhu?

      1. CthulhuPanda36

        Cthulhu can not be choked, he has 10,653 windpipes. Also 62 sets of gills.

        1. Yotomoe

          What if I have 10, 654 hands?

        2. CthulhuPanda36

          Gills remember? Anyways he doesn’t need to breath, he uses the windpipes as built in bagpipes.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Knowing Cthulhu, his windpipes sound like bagpipes.

        4. CthulhuPanda36

          The sound is similar to 400 of most mind numbing, terrifying bagpipes you have ever heard each playing a separate song all at once.

        5. Drunken Nordmann

          So – Scottish bagpipes?

        6. garaden

          My imagination’s too good for my own good. ARGH they won’t STOP

        7. vonnegut

          Drunken Nordmann +1

  19. Wonder Wig

    Ah sleep wit ma glubs on for jus such’n a’mergency.

    1. Yotomoe

      Sal throws Joyce onto the asphyxiated pile of those who dared to wake her.

    2. saltchocolate

      So, you’re not from the South, huh?

      1. Wonder Wig

        Nova Scotia is such a lonely place…

        1. saltchocolate

          Anne of Green Gables! (I know, I’m sorry…)

        2. Kladeos

          PEI…?

        3. saltchocolate

          Yes! (That *is* in N.S., right??)

        4. Kladeos

          Heh, no. Prince Edward Island is its own tiny province.

        5. saltchocolate

          Damn! No wonder Nova Scotia is such a lonely place . . .

        6. Keroshino

          It’s because no sane Canadian likes Nova Scotia…Prince Edward Island is where they would rather be. 😛

        7. Kladeos

          But they’re both Maritime provinces!

        8. Bill

          That’s like saying that both Texas and Florida are Gulf states.

        9. Kladeos

          Welllll they’re much closer geographically. All of the Maritime provinces (minus Newfoundland & Labrador), including the water between them, would fit nicely in any non-Martime province.

        10. Kladeos

          A closer analogy would be saying they’re both New England states?

        11. DSL

          I have heard it said (by a resident of the Niagara region), that a Prince Edward Islander was a “Newfie” who was going to Toronto but ran out of money.

    3. Kernanator

      …So did Sal drink herself to sleep, too?

  20. Darth

    “WHO DARES DISRURB MY SLUMBER?”

    1. Aizat

      WHO DISTURBS MY PLASMA BATH?

      1. Mkvenner

        Your Doctor.

        1. CapnPanda

          Doctor who?

        2. Blackout

          Exactly.

  21. Bilfred

    hue hue hue

  22. Shaith

    Throat hugs for everyone!

    1. MM

      I don’t know what context I would be able to use that phrase in, but I am determined to find one now.

    2. Mkvenner

      You win the comments.

    3. Pier

      Do you really need a hand for a “throat hug” though?

      1. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

        Not if you’re Darth Sal.

  23. nothri

    I’m calling panel three “so close and yet so far”.

    1. Mkvenner

      Second.

      1. nothri

        Motion carries. All in favor?

    2. Hoboturtle

      Lol, took me a bit to get that

  24. Count Dracula

    Wearing gloves to beds keeps your hands clean and healthy. Alternatively: Sal is a crazy person who wears gloves in bed.

    1. EvergreenFir

      Those are her lotion gloves (they exist… Seriously)

    2. Aizat

      She’s hiding her mechanical hands.

      1. Keroshino

        Turns out Sal is a a Terminator…who knew?

        1. Aizat

          Or she’s actually Rider Man.

        2. Keroshino

          Oh! Even better!

  25. Shaggy-Donahugh

    Well we can honestly say that Joyce has done fucked up.
    I now like Sal so much more after this strip.
    Screw morning people.

    1. xain

      but it literally isn’t morning

      1. Shaggy-Donahugh

        Screw “In your face as soon as you wake up” people.
        Basically screw people.
        I am Sal. And Mike.

        1. saltchocolate

          Sarah can get on board with that, too, I think.

      2. saltchocolate

        But it’s morning people who think noon is too late to still be sleeping.

        1. xain

          hey i hate mornings but i cant fathom how someone can normally sleep in that late

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          If you didn’t get to sleep until 5 in the morning, sleeping til after noon is quite easy.

        3. saltchocolate

          Great minds, Plasma . . .

        4. saltchocolate

          What time are you assuming she went to sleep? (This is Sal, remember…)

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          For all we know, she may have only went to bed a couple of hours ago.,

        6. Leonou

          I know we’re not supposed to make these jokes anymore, but ….

          “In yesterday’s strip we saw Sal was vigilanting all night. She didn’t go to bed before sunrise.”

        7. Bill

          AARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

        8. Badeyes

          Seeing by your avatar you already received the requisite beating for your insolence. Any more of that tho and we’ll turn you over to Sal’s glove.

  26. John

    So this is how Joyce dies.

    1. MM

      Or this is how we discover she’s a Highlander.

    2. Badeyes

      Nah, she’ll just get choked out, Sal will go back to sleep then wake up before Joyce does and return the bad in your face wake-up. Pass-out induced headaches are rather like hangover ones.

    3. Ahighfunctioningsociopath

      Not with a bang but with a sal

  27. -_-

    Oh no joyce is choking quick billie do CPR.

    1. Kladeos

      Kind of funny considering your gravatar.

  28. Mkvenner

    That would be my reaction as well.

    Also Joyce needs to learn about personal space.

  29. Yotomoe

    If I saw that first thing in the morning I would punch her. Joyce is creepy!

    1. theKOT

      Also, nothing is worse when waking up than energetic bubbly people.

    2. N0083rP00F

      I am not the the one to condone violence so punching is right out.
      Now grabbing her by the shirt collar and pulling her face down to mine to lay one right on the lips should cause instant quiet and long therm being left alone-ness.

      1. Yotomoe

        It wouldn’t be an intentional punch. More of a knee-jerk reaction.

        1. Slinx

          I might do the same. Or at least shove them or something. If she was farther away, it would be different, but you should never get that close to someone when waking them up.

  30. Super Duper

    The name of the storyline implies that David Willis is now a My CHemical Romance fan.
    I am disapoint.

    1. David Willis

      OOPS SOMEONE GOT DROPPED INTO THE SPAM FILTER

      1. Yotomoe

        Guess today we’ve learned another thing not to accuse Willis of in the comments.

        1. Rani

          WILLIS DON’T TAKE NO SHIT

          E’ERYBODY GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES.

          I’m loving how your first strip after what was probably your darkest DoA Storyline starts with a black panel and ends with someone getting choked.

        2. Bill

          Darkest story line *to date*…….
          There’s Amber’s dad and a date-rapist out there somewhere.

        3. Yotomoe

          Amber’s dad was IN that last storyline.

        4. xKiv

          But not the rapist.
          Or therapist.

      2. theKOT

        What? It’s a good song 🙂

        1. David Willis

          i know i play it in my car constantly

        2. theKOT

          Probably my favorite off of that album. Don’t worry about the haters Willis, you just gotta do you bro XD

        3. Badeyes

          Hm that may explain a whole lot of things….

      3. Super Duper

        I feel sad now…

        1. Rani

          Aw, don’t fret. I’m sure he was joking.

          If he actually put you in the spam filter, your parents would disown you and your reflection would hide itself in shame.

        2. Ancestral Hamster

          And be forced to listen to Vogon poetry.

        3. Leonou

          Vogon Poetry isn’t that bad.

          The metaphysical imagery is particularly effective and it has interesting rhythmic devices, too, which seem to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of Vogonity.

        4. Bill

          No, you’re completely wrong.  Vogon poetry is only written in order to throw the author’s mean, callous, heartless exterior into sharp relief.

        5. Badeyes

          Again the avatar is apropos. Vogon poetry is like a punch to the temple, or several, in an odd timing.

        6. garaden

          I agree. In fact, if you deconstruct the post-feminist implications of the deconstruction of the poetry, an iconoclastic proto-Hungarian Dadaist theme is revealed.

      4. GoSpeedRumpist

        Well then… I suppose it’s so long and good night for Super Duper, eh…?

        1. Super Duper

          Just one more dance, friend.
          Just one more chance, friend:
          One more chorus, one more tune.
          It’s not the end, friend,
          If you’re a friend, friend,
          Then you’ll come back to me soon,
          But it’s too late, pal,
          To celebrate, pal.
          You’ll have to wait, pal.
          Don’t you cry.
          Now, it’s goodnight, friend.
          Goodnight friend.
          Goodnight friend.

        2. GoSpeedRumpist

          Right in the feels man. I will let my love of MCR go, my love of the Star Wars Christmas special is too great.

  31. Joe Stando

    I like that Sal apparently sleeps in her gloves. Power move.

    1. Super Duper

      I love Sal. She’s so bad.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Her Power Gloves.

      1. MarcinMN

        They’re so rad.

        1. Aizat

          It’s so bad.

        2. Keroshino

          Now that’s just sad.

        3. CapnPanda

          It’ll drive me mad!

        4. garaden

          I’m getting Glad and throwing this thread in the trash.

        5. Crimson Doom

          That’d be too bad
          I’d be so sad
          I might get mad
          I’d call my dad!
          That’d be too bad.

          That’d be too bad?

          That’d be too bad.

    3. Rani

      A couple hundred panels ago, she had an impromptu hook-up with a TA in a classroom after dragging him from his lecture. Lady goes through all the trouble of totally stripping down for a quickie. Even her hair gets undone. Guess what she leaves on?

      1. Shaggy-Donahugh

        Socks. She leaves on her socks.
        Right?

        1. Rani

          You. I like you.

        2. Bill

          Of course; she’d been listening to Roz and was practicing safe sox.

        3. Rani

          Your wit sox, but I garter go

        4. xKiv

          They are like socks for her hands …

      2. StClair

        That’s the scene I was thinking of also.

        (No glove, no love.)

  32. Bill

    DAMN YOU WILLIS!!
    You said you weren’t going to kill anyone off in this strip!!

    1. Mkvenner

      He didn’t say anything about life threatening situations.

      Also she’s not dead, she’s dying. Two different things.

      1. Yotomoe

        But you can only die for so long before you’re dead.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Not as long as you stock up on the 1UPs.

        2. Drunken Nordmann

          People die when they are killed.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          People dye when they want to change their hair colour.

        4. Karma Aster

          I thought people died when they wanted to figure out their character stats…

        5. CapnPanda

          Isn’t it, people diet when they wanna lose weight?

        6. John

          No, that’s just how they roll.

        7. Aizat

          Yeah, no shit there, Shirou.

        8. Super Duper

          Sal killed Joyce. TO DEATH!

        9. Aizat

          Don’t you mean: Salk killed Joyce. Sal killed Joyce TO DEATH!

        10. Oneironaut

          A true man never dies when he’s killed. ◥▶◀◤

        11. Kiggy

          Kamina?

        12. garaden

          Excellent Unicode art!

        13. Badeyes

          You can only live so long until you’re dead.
          I declare your point meaningless! HA!

    2. Ancestral Hamster

      “That which kills you makes you stronger … as Undead.”

    3. GoSpeedRumpist

      Ah, but did he say anything about near-fatal neck groping?

      1. Bill

        “Neck groping” … that’s almost as good as Shaith coining “throat hugs”.

    4. Roborat

      She’s not dead yet.

  33. DSL

    Joyce said “Geez.” Isn’t that like, proto-blasphemy?

    1. Kladeos

      It’s blasphemous according to my mom.

      1. EvergreenFir

        For a nickel?

  34. Shaggy-Donahugh

    Nope.

  35. licoricepencil

    The last panel reminds me of the time I punched my mom in the face when she tried to wake me up for church. Good times.

    I was still asleep when I punched her for the record.

    1. MM

      Did you still have to go?

      1. Yotomoe

        That seems like something you should pray away.

      2. licoricepencil

        Yes, unfortunately.

    2. Kernanator

      Oh wow, I have so many questions now, but first and foremost is: What did she do after that?

      1. licoricepencil

        According to her she fell backwards a bit, stayed back, and then she said my name to wake me up.

        Funnily enough, it’s not the only time that I’ve sleep-punched someone who tried to wake me up. Sleeping me is violent.

        1. Kernanator

          Wow. Is there a reason for you being sleep-punch happy?

        2. Drunken Nordmann

          He doesn’t want to wake up, maybe? It’s kind of a defence mechanism – I also sleep-punched my older brother in the face when he was shaking me to wake me up.

        3. licoricepencil

          Probably what Drunken Nordmann said. I also talk in my sleep and had a mild case of sleepwalking when I was younger, so it just might be that sleep-me is unusually active.

          (Also I’m a girl for the record).

    3. Badeyes

      I administered a palm strike to a drill instructor’s head while asleep. The sound of the other DI laughing his ass off woke me up.

    4. John

      I threw armor at my grandmother when she tried to wake me up once. I’m an asshole when woken prematurely.

      1. Bill

        Throwing armor?  That is a visual that cries out for further explanation.

        1. John

          Well, my grandmother was standing in the door of my bedroom going all, “John! It’s after 11! Get up!” and there was a mail coif in arm’s reach, so I threw it at her. Missed, fortunately.

        2. Bill

          Of course; how silly of me.  EVERYONE has a coif within arm’s reach of their bed.

        3. StClair

          I was imagining a loose pauldron or vambrace, myself. A helm’s a bit heavy for that, even if you manage to get some fingers hooked into the face grill.

          (Almost ten years in the SCA, why do you ask?)

        4. John

          21-plus, myself.

  36. TaintedSpud

    Does Sal have to choke a bongo? Cause Sal will choke a bongo.

    1. Yotomoe

      You’re gonna make Sal Walkerton get out of this bed and choke a bongo.

      1. saltchocolate

        You are making me laugh against my wishes. That’s +2 internets, -1 internet. Only 1 internet for you two. You’ll have to share.

        1. The Candyman

          Hunger Games.

  37. Plasma Mongoose

    If it is Sunday and it is noon, wouldn’t Joyce still be at church?

    1. Yotomoe

      Maybe it’s a late service.
      Or early service.

      1. Urzu13

        The church i went to most of my life was 8:30 – 9:30. The next i know about was 10:30 – 11:30. The only other i have ever been to was 2:00-3:00. Churches keep weird hours.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          I asked because when I used to have to go to church, the main service was from 10:30 to 12:00.

        2. Kernanator

          The only ones I’ve ever been to go from 10 to 11.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          I guess every denomination has its own time frames.

        4. The Candyman

          Or it could be her church has multiple services, like mine.

    2. Bill

      First of all, she would have gone to church and gotten back already.
      Second, what type of service does a home-schooled fundie go to anyway?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        If I recall correctly, Joyce and her family still went to their local church before she started IU.

      2. John

        Nondenominational.

    3. MM

      They’re at church. That’s why Sal’s wearing her gloves. They just dressed her in her sleep, and they need her to wake up because the collection plate’s coming around.

    4. xain

      in my own experience usually there is an early and late mass and even then late mass lets out at or a little before noon

    5. GoSpeedRumpist

      Don’t do it Sal! It’ll only make Walky happy!

      1. Badeyes

        No cause Walky is looking forward to Dorothy/Joyce action.

    6. MLEst1

      Depends on where she goes. When I was Baptist, our Sunday meeting was only an hour long and we started at 10am. Some locations start at 9am. Other locations offered 9am, 10am, and 11am sermons.

      So, really, it all depends on where she goes.

      1. Jonathan S.

        My in-laws’ church (which sounds like the flavor of Christianity Joyce’s parents espouse) had a three- or four-hour-long Sunday meeting, including almost an hour of repetitious bombast from the preacher. (You’d think that when he went on that long, he’d accidentally wander a little further down the page and put the section he started with in the Bible into some sort of context, but somehow that never happened…)

  38. Rani

    “I’m confused. Is this really happening or are you just happy to see me?”

  39. Aizat

    Does Sal Walkerton have to choke a bongo?

    1. xain

      Does a fundie got to sue a bongo?

  40. NF

    Is she seriously trying to wake up Sal? She deserves to be choke holded into unconsciousness. How on earth did she think that was a good idea?

    Also, Sal wears her motorcycle gloves to bed?

    1. Aizat

      So? Liquid Snake walks around Alaska with just a trench coat…so Sal going to bed with gloves on is no surprise to me.

      1. Keroshino

        Exactly…it’s like Proto Man and alway wearing sunglasses.
        He probably wears them at night too!

        1. Badeyes

          I know! The gloves are Magic Straight Hair Gloves! The only time she didn’t wear them was when she saw her parents with curly hair!
          That’s how it got straight again so fast! She just had to put them back on!

    2. Hoboturtle

      They only look like her motorcycle gloves. They’re actually her coughing gloves for these type of occasions.

  41. mai876

    And whoever Joyce is talking to just stands by as she is choked to death…

    1. Kladeos

      Can you blame them?

      I wonder who it is. Sarah wouldn’t get involved in whatever Joyce wants (though I guess she’d know it would be entertaining to watch) and Billie wakes up after Sal.

      1. mai876

        Yeah. I’m wondering who she’s talking to and what possible reason could Joyce have that’d make her risk death by Sal.

        1. Kladeos

          To be fair, I doubt Joyce learned much from her encounter with sleeping Billie. At the very least probably didn’t think to extrapolate from that.

        2. Kladeos

          Turns out she was smarter two weeks ago.

        3. John

          Well, it’s called Dumbing of Age for a reason.

  42. Plasma Mongoose

    Don’t get too shocked Sal or you might have to book another appointment at the hairdressers.

    1. Shaggy-Donahugh

      I don’t think they’re just standing there…
      Fap
      Fap
      Fap

  43. Shaggy-Donahugh

    Oh hey Joyce, don’t wake up Sal
    RRRRK
    Goddamnit

  44. newllend

    Now that’s the sal we all know and love

    1. saltchocolate

      your grav just lit up.

      1. Badeyes

        She always has an after mayhem cig.

    2. Aizat

      Homicidal is a loveable trait?

      1. Vash

        yes.

  45. Derek

    That would be my exact reaction. Unless it’s the apocalypse or the house is on fire, YOU DO NOT WAKE ME. Heads will roll.

    1. Kernanator

      Or various other emergencies.

    2. Aeron

      Or if the apocalypse is on fire.

      1. saltchocolate

        Or if the apocalypse is on the house.

        1. NightmareWarden

          The apocalypse is calling from inside the house!

  46. Tomaj

    i can’t stop laughing at that last panel.

  47. xain

    come on joyce just keep on poking the bear i’m sure nothing bad will happen

  48. All Else Fails

    “What ah ya doin’ hov’ring ova me in mah sleep?!”

    1. Vash

      Sal’s accent becomes 10x more thick in the morning.

  49. Joebo

    Strangulation should not make me laugh this much.

  50. Pyr05

    “Christians hova’d ova me until I woke up, jus’ to use chloroform on me and put me unda again.” “That’s terrible!” “Nah, what’s terrible is sometimes it was a pillow.”

  51. Aizat

    You know, I was expecting that scene from Beyond Thunderdome.

  52. Kennerly

    The Joyce alarm clock does have a snooze button, better known as the carotid arteries.

    1. Badeyes

      :^)

  53. Anonymous

    …I’m reminded of the wonderfully therapeutic scene involving a Vulcan and a (afterwards revealed to be) holodeck version of Neelix in the Star Trek: Voyager series.

    Pleasant. Unfortunate if Joyce died or lost consciousness, but ‘leaving a mark’ up to ‘vision going dark’ would seem appropriate.

    Ahh, the dangers of assuming you know what’s best, and that what’s not important to you shouldn’t be important to other people.

  54. Keroshino

    Dawn of the Second Day!!! (in story)

    1. Vash

      thiiiiiisssssss

  55. Karma Aster

    No, Sal! Save that sweet, sweet choking rage for your parents! YOUR PARENTS, SAL!

    1. Aizat

      Or Walky.

      1. Keroshino

        Why not both?

        1. Tomaj

          only two hands?

        2. Keroshino

          Well in all honesty out of both parents, Sal’s mother deserves it more!
          …doesn’t mean some sense couldn’t be knocked into her father while she’s at it!

  56. Acher4

    And then…Joyce died.

    The End.

    1. Mr K

      She’ll come back as a zombie.

  57. Reltzik

    Dear Joyce: Even if you do not believe in natural selection, natural selection still believes in you.

  58. The Phantom's Belch

    We need a strip entitled “I Don’t Like Mondays” with the alt-text “And the silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload….”

    Just sayin’. Maybe early next year when the next day hits.

  59. Nyxness

    I’ve been reading DoA for more than year, and I’ve just come to the startling realization that I am suddenly and irrevocably farther into my college experience than the characters are. I’m 8 weeks into my first year at college, I started reading DoA as a high school junior, and by the time the DoA characters are 8 weeks into their freshman year, I’ll probably be a college junior. Not that any of you should care; it’s just some weird sort of milestone for me.

    1. Chexwarrior

      I remember one time I was watching Evangelion with some friends and one of them came to the crushing realization that he is now older than Misato (I’m not there quite yet thankfully)

  60. tahrey

    Wait, she sleeps in her bike gloves? That shit can’t be comfortable.

    1. Vash

      It keeps your hands warmer!

      1. xKiv

        Why would Sal want tot warm tahrey’s hands?

        1. tahrey

          I don’t know, but I think I’d probably allow it anyway.

    2. Lel

      She wears those gloves constantly. Her hands must be the smelliest things ever.

      1. tahrey

        Perhaps she’s constantly washing and santising off-“camera”…

        But yeah, this reminds me that I really, really, really need to figure out how to wash my bike jacket. After some of the heat we had this summer, the thing absolutely reeks. Went out for a short test ride on the repaired machine late last night – in Britain, in late october, in what rapidly turned into howling wind and driving rain – and when I got back in and dekitted the stench had already transferred itself to my other clothes despite there not being a drop of sweat on me.

        Now imagine that all over your hands, ew.

        (The gloves are rather easier to clean)

  61. Josh

    YES!

  62. CianM1301

    No! Bad Sal! Put Joyce down!

  63. Steven

    Noon? Filthy casuals. I can go until 4.

    1. Aizat

      4? Filthy poser. I can go until 12:00 midnight of the next day.

      1. Skull025

        Fool, I’m still asleep while I type this!

  64. Intie

    And thus Sal is slowly growing to be my favourite character.

  65. Jack Finch

    That’s IT! I’ve had it with your perk, enthusiasm and good nature. DIE! DIE! DIE!
    Oh. Sorry. Is there any coffee?

  66. LordHaw

    Darth Sal indeed!

  67. Jimmy

    “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

  68. dropded

    THE NEW DOA BOOK HAS STARTED! THE NEW DOA BOOK HAS STARTED!

  69. Aizat

    “Good, good…let the hate flow through you.”

  70. Greg

    Okay, based on the title of the new story (“The Only Dope For Me Is You”), I have to assume this storyline is going to be about teens doing drugs.

  71. RobHagen

    Another strip to relaunch a thousand ships!

    Would it be the SS Soyce or SS Jal?

    1. Keroshino

      U.S.S JoySal

  72. MrSpkr

    Protip: Sleeping in your motorcycle gloves both sames the time of looking for them and putting them on in the morning AND protects your hands from damage when you feel the need to choke the living crap out of whomever might wake you up before you’re ready.

    1. MrSpkr

      *saves. It’s too damn early to be typing on teh interwebs.

  73. fintikisniko

    And no one ever heard of her again

  74. Sam

    Murdering Joyce will solve nothing Sal.

    1. John

      It’ll solve Joyce waking people up early on the weekends.

      1. Sam

        But if her religion is right, she will go to Heaven, and you know what she can do from Heaven? She can send messages directly into your brain that tell you what the right thing to do is, which will include waking up at nine, and they will be on repeat because she is Joyce. And she will be able to do it to everyone she knew at once. And you can’t murder away instant brain messages.

        1. John

          I’m not all that familiar with nondenominational doctrines, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how Heaven works…

        2. Kernanator

          How would you know? Were you there?

  75. Ashley

    Plot twist: Jury said her actions were completely justifiable.

    1. Mr K

      If I saw that in front of me, I’d probably get angry. Not enough to strangle her though.

      1. begbert2

        Not being fully awake at the time would also be a defense.

  76. Milae

    No, Sal! Get your hands off of poor Joyce and find your own submissive lesbian to fondle as a way of sticking it to your neglectful parents.

    Besides, Joyce is all Dorothy’s, any comments she may have made to your bike, your hair, and how she wanted to be you or in your skin can be totally ignored as her pre-Dorothy phase.

    Anyway, Billi’s the one that tried to kiss you while your back was turned and dreams of you in a jumpsuit.

  77. Maycroft

    “oh, sorry Joyce I thought you were an alien”

  78. CC

    It probably doesn’t help that this is the only one of Willis’s comics I’ve read, but I reeeeaally don’t like Sal right now. 🙁 It’s probably to do with the fact she takes her anger and stress out on other people instead of dealing with it. Reminds me of awful people I’ve had to deal with at home and at an old job.

    1. Leonou

      Then you should read all It’s Walky, You will really “like” Sal there.
      shudder
      MWAHAHAHA!

      (but seriously, it’s a great run)

      1. StClair

        “In this vision, how many arms did you have?”

        1. xKiv

          All of them. All of the AAAAAAAARMS!

        2. Lel

          And did you have an Irons in the Fire m8

    2. Ourorboros

      That is normally how people deal with stuff, by taking it out on others. Later they might understand the source of their issues, but it takes a further stage to deal with it, if they ever do.

      However, Joyce is violating personal space and generally assumes people want to deal with her stuff. She’s gone into Sal/Billie’s room before uninvited to wake up Billie.
      Sticking your face into somebody else’s is kind of asking for it.

      1. Ace

        It’s normally how people who hurt others deal with stuff. A lot of people deal with their problems with taking it out on other people.

  79. mistrali

    BAD SAL!

  80. JThePerson

    -the-only-dope-for-me-is-you

    Seems legit.

  81. James

    Now Joyce is into being choke

  82. Em

    BAD SAL. NO KILLING FRIENDS.
    Also Joyce, that’s the worst way in the world to wake someone up. You hovered over Sal’s face while she was barely waking up, SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF HER. (possibly) What did you expect? This is Sal we’re dealing with not Becky.

  83. Vree

    Goodbye Joyce, we hardly knew you.

    Get hyped for next week when we meet our new replacement regular cast member Jocelyn! WIIGII!

  84. DarkoNeko

    My name is Sal Walkerton. You interrupted my sleep. PREPARE TO DIE.

  85. Mada

    Nyeeehehehehehehehehe.

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