113

Ride
Posted on August 9, 2011 by David M Willis

113 thoughts on “Ride”

  1. Jacob

    Must. Hear. Theme Songs!

    1. Aizat

      Yes, must hear all 30 theme songs.

      1. Jackson

        She’s probably exaggerating. It’s probably only five.

        1. dchorror

          This is Joyce.

        2. Jackson

          Point.

      2. David Herbert

        With epic guitar solos.

      3. Led

        “Songs About Sal’s MC – The Theme CD, featuring Joyce, Walky and (by blackmail) Billie.”

    2. Mkvenner

      Some thing humanity was not meant to know ( or in this case hear).

      1. Aizat

        Like what? The voice of Cthulhu?

        1. Mkvenner

          More like Justin Bieber.

        2. Mkvenner

          …and Uwe Bull.

        3. Jacob

          Eezts Uwe Boll, and hee’s thee only Genius in the Fucking Bizeness!

        4. |Agent

          Hey, you never know, Cthulhu could have a great singing voice! Of course, the only song he knows is the song that ends the Earth.

        5. arjay2813

          Cthulhu is actually Lovecraft’s vision of an alien: something we (humans) wouldn’t find appealing, and that has a mind the likes of which we could not understand, it would drive us insane. for example, we are Cthulhunid to an ant.

        6. arjay2813

          what i meant is, it wouldn’t actually destroy the earth, that would be us after the mass-insanity

        7. Rowen Morland

          That always happens to the ants in my garden.

  2. Plasma Mongoose

    30 Theme Songs? Obsessive much Joyce?

    1. Aizat

      More like creative. 30 theme songs about motorcycles, that must take a lot of time and effort to do.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Hence the obsessive part.

        1. Aizat

          Yeah but it’s about a cool motorcycle, who wouldn’t write a song about it?

        2. Mkvenner

          This is joyce we’re talking about.

        3. Bickendan

          Yeah, they probably all have some underlying Christian theme.

        4. Kavonde

          “I’m a good Christian girl / to the end of my days / feel the power of Christ / throbbin’ ‘tween my legs.”

        5. turkishproverb

          ….

          So, it’s christian Erotica?

        6. Jackson

          Aaaaaa that’s terrible! It doesn’t even rhyme.

      2. MM

        You’re assuming she doesn’t just change around a few words and notes.

        1. Mkvenner

          That might be assuming to much.

        2. Joe

          It’s really just two theme songs with fifteen verses each.

  3. Mkvenner

    Billie really doesn’t hate the motorcycle she is jealous of it though.

  4. Plasma Mongoose

    *imagining Billie pressing her assets into Sal’s back as the vibrations of the engine tingle their neither regions*

    1. Mkvenner

      *drool*

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        And I don’t think I need to mention which part of Sal Billie might be needing to cup onto to stay on the bike as it is moving. 😀

        1. Joe

          Her stomach?
          Most people would be hugging her stomach.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          but of cause… where else could I possibly be thinking of… 😛

        3. Fady

          Shoulders?
          The neck?
          The neck would probably be a really dangerous place to hold on to. It is utterly irresponsible. What were you thinking?

        4. 1Samildanach

          Many bikes have grab rails, too. You can also get grab belts. Which option is preferred depends on the individuals concerned.

        5. Alechsa

          You icon… makes that all the more epic… Like Sal is trying to derail the Billie-Sal shipping XD

        6. 1Samildanach

          Now that you point it out… yeah. Especially with the grumpy expression :D.

      2. meanderling

        That’s a pretty apt icon, too.

    2. turkishproverb

      Only if We can also imagine Mike and Ethan are dating in this universe.

  5. Lee

    Some of these songs are entire verses of the word “VROOM” sung over and over, I would assume.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      That actually makes sense, I can totally see Joyce doing that.

    2. MrGBH

      Vroom vroom vroom vroom.
      Vroom vroom vroom.
      Vroom vroom vroom vroom.
      Vroom vroom vroom.

      1. katamanda

        Am I mistaken or are you doing this to the rythm of Private S. Baldrick’s epic war poem, ‘The German Guns’?

        1. MrGBH

          And here I was worried that no-one would get the reference.

  6. Janette

    …Joyce is so a closet homosexual in this verse.

    1. Mkvenner

      I was think bisexual.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        bikesexual? 😛

        1. Aizat

          Are you bikesexual today?

        2. Zaratustra

          Next: Joyce gets a motorcycle of her own, but it’s a pink Vespa.

        3. ryan

          don’t knock the vespa, it was in FLCL.

        4. Jackson

          Mental image of Joyce cruising down the highway on her Vespa, wearing wraparound sunglasses and a leather jacket over her blouse and sweater vest, blasting Petra.

  7. Dierna

    30 songs about a motorcycle?? Christian songs no doubt. What’s next? A fan fic where Psalty and Co meet a singing motorcycle? 😛

    1. meanderling

      Y’know, I actually have vague memories about going to some bible camp as a kid and there was a song about God having a moterbike. I could be nuts though.

      1. Mkvenner

        You or the other kid.

  8. Confuzor

    The nerd in me wants one of those songs to be cheesy lyrics added to the Thundertank theme ^_^

  9. Daeva

    God I’m gonna hate myself for this…

    …but I came to this comment section, and I need to deliver this message…

    College Girls on Motorcycles!!

    1. Björn

      COLLEGE GIRLS ON MOTORCYCLES?!

      1. Aizat

        Yes, COLLEGE GIRLS ON MOTORCYCLES!

        1. Jackson

          College girls on motorbikes!

        2. Shade743

          COLLEGE GIRLS ON MOTORBIKES! <-Shade743 Fail

        3. Shade743

          God darn it! Got beaten to it…

  10. thatgirlwiththeglasses

    30 theme songs, Joyce? MUST. HEAR.

  11. b

    Motorcycle Motorcycle
    I Want To Ride My Motorcycle Motorcycle
    I Want To Ride My Motorcycle
    I Want To Ride My cyc
    I Want To Ride My Motorcycle
    I Want To Ride It Where I Like

    1. Mkvenner

      4 out of 10.

      1. CP

        Come on, a Queen homage deserves better than 4. Give it a 7.

        1. Aizat

          No, a Queen homage deserves an 8 or more.

    2. Aizat

      Is that the title or is it the lyrics?

      1. Black Bumblebee

        Here’s the song, right here, for those who are confused: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8XXS1v2TNQ

    3. Opus the Poet

      I don’t want a pickle
      I just wanna ride my motorcycle.
      And I don’t waahnah diiiie
      I just wanna ride my motor cy.cle

  12. Tristan J

    Walky and Joyce are like brother and sister.

    In that they bicker and fight right up to the moment they share a common goal.

  13. Shifty

    I swear, if you imagine someone in real life saying half the things Joyce says, there’s a major creep factor, particularly if that person is constantly smiling and staring at you with big eyes.

    And was Joyce hoping to be able to ride on the bike too? I’m imagining all three girls mounted on that this, and if I were straight, it would probably be somewhat arousing.

    1. TomatoClone

      The creeper vibe is exactly why Billie gets to ride the bike, she doesn’t have it.

      1. 1Samildanach

        She just has a crazy vibe :D.

        1. MrGBH

          I’d say more of an angry vibe. And Sal can identify with that.

    2. gangler

      I know some people like her from church. Always saying weird campy things like that. Rallying up the spirits. Try and get you involved in their bizarre activities they come up with just to figure out how to spend the day wholesomely. Never stops smiling.

      Maybe it’s just because I was raised among them but it doesn’t really come across as creepy at all imo. Pretty standard fair. She didn’t get to bring all her disney movies and has no one to play obscure board games with and there’s only so many ways one can praise the lord in a day. It’s either start brewing up some twilight fanfics and finding wholesome subjects to sing about or start exposing herself to the dangers of the secular media, and we wouldn’t want that. Gotta keep the mind busy somehow. An idle mind wanders into the devils playground and whatnot. She could find herself thinking about boys in improper ways or get curious about punk rock and then who knows what would happen? Why she might walk to school the next day with piercings everywhere, dressed in skimpy leather with her hair in green spikes and just start kissing every boy on the campus, and then the devil pretty much owns her ass.

      1. Mkvenner

        Logic puzzles are the best way to keep your mind busy. And what do you have against punks and goths. They are some of the nicest people you could every meet.

        1. gangler

          Just a humorous examination of the mentality. I don’t actually have anything against either group, but I also don’t feel that a temptation to listen to a couple punk rock songs is likely to have the night culminate in getting sixteen piercings, buying a new wardrobe and some hair products so you can go to school the next day in such a state.

          Also a bit of a jibe at Joyce in the implication that she’d view kissing a bunch of boys as “Succumbing to the desires of the flesh”, and the notion that she’d just be dressed like this running around kissing boys systematically before moving on to the next one is supposed to imply that she wouldn’t actually be acting like anything real but rather her misinformed notion of what someone who has “strayed from the path of God” and accepted punk rock and lust into their lives would look like.

          Also I just think it’s really hilarious to picture Joyce dressed like that doing the “Rock Out” symbol with her hand and razzing random people in the halls.

          The devil owning her ass is supposed to create a mental image of Joyce dressed as such in compromising positions with Satan in hell, which is in my head just satirical of the entire notion of youthful music forming the path to hell.

          It’s also intentionally an outdated “New Rock and Roll”. I’m sure a lot of our parents enjoyed punk rock too when they were young or perhaps still today. Not really the most offensive thing on the market anymore. Pointing out how sheltered Joyce is. Exaggerating it to the point that she quite likely hasn’t heard of anything that’s happened in the music industry outside of Christian Rock since the eighties. Still viewing The Ramones as a new sensationalist devil music of sorts.

          “Punk is nothing but Death and Crime and the Rage of a Beast!”

  14. NF

    This. Strip. Is. Awesome.

  15. wynne

    Awww, Joyce and Walky are bonding already. Not really. But they certainly get stuck together a lot.

  16. Undrave

    How long does it take to walk to their dorm from the classroom? And they’re going to ride a motorcycle to save 15 minutes? Really? Wasteful much?

    1. Viktoria

      Figure walking to the bike/parking/the ride takes 5 minutes. That means walking is 20 minutes. That’s probably a mile, since Billie wouldn’t jog. Many motorcycles get ~60 MPG. Call it $3.60 a gallon for gas. Sal’s wasting 6 cents. Not even worth worrying about.

      1. CP

        That’s even assuming Sal wasn’t going to ride it in that direction anyway. She obviously doesn’t have another class for a while – who’s to say she wasn’t going off campus for some reason regardless?

        1. ryan

          no, i think she will take billie to the RA with the signed agreement. sal is a man of her word.

        2. Mkvenner

          Sal is a “woman of her word”.

        3. Izzy

          Sal is a man of her word

        4. Mkvenner

          Pre-op or post-op.

  17. Kat

    I feel like there’s hope for Joyce. She’s got a rebellious streak a mile wide in her. Maybe some day she could be a …. liberal.

  18. Animal

    I don’t want a pickle
    Just want to ride on my motorsickle
    And I don’t want a tickle
    ‘Cause I’d rather ride on my motorsickle
    And I don’t want to die
    Just want to ride on my motorcy…cle

    – Arlo Guthrie, The Motorcycle Song

    Yes, I am that old.

    1. Aslee

      It’s better than having ‘Alice’s Resturant’ stuck in your head, I assure you. ‘The Motorcycle Song (The Significance of a Pickle)’ is a much better choice.

      ((OH GOD, I’m only seventeen, WHY DO I KNOW THIS???))

      1. bramble

        Why is it that simply reading “having ‘Alice’s Restaurant’ stuck in your head” is enough to get “Alice’s Restaurant” stuck in my head? Why?

        ((ALSO YES I am only 21 so I am right with you on the WHYYYY bit.))

        1. Animal

          No why here. I’m… well, older than 21.

        2. boogily

          it’s because you had a proper upbringing 😀

        3. Animal

          In the 1960s.

  19. LeaLeonis

    I know at least one of these Theme Songs will go Jesus ride the bike abroad, Hallelujah, Jesus ride the bike abroad…

    A variant may be I was born to preach and pray, everything I need (yus)/ I was born with my forehead down, I was built for Jesus.

    Or the all time classic: Motorbike/ It’s how I live my life/ I can’t take it if I cannot pray/ Motorbike/ My sign of living chaste/ It’s going to take your breath away! – Don’t stop for nothing, it’s Jesus or nothing!

    Never underestimate the unbound creativity of a Chrisitan mind. 🙂

    1. coobee

      I was thinking The lord is my motorcycle
      I shall not want…

      Maybe even I’m special because
      God has loved me for he gave
      The best thing that he had to save me
      His own motorcycle
      Cool I really want one too
      For all the good things I have done…

      1. LeaLeonis

        Very nice… sadly, I don’t know many gospel songs myself, since it’s been hell of a while since I last came in contact with church and got rid of most of my memories thereof.

        My parents understood quite soon that taking me to church isn’t the best of ideas. I just don’t get the vibe of it. I almost laughed out loud at a relative’s funeral because the preacher said something like “Jesus loves all of his sheep and won’t let them stray”. (It’s weird how many zoophiliac references are in the bible if you think about it.)

  20. Tenn

    My actual, physical reaction on reading Joyce’s final line was to double over like I’d been punched in the gut, and then start giggling like crazy. 😀

    And then I thought: “But will she sing the theme toons?” 😉

  21. Gerardo Tejada

    I can lead my own life
    There’s no love, no love left here
    Master of disguise
    I’ve been in your sky and you weren’t there

    A motorcycle man
    And Jesus was his name
    He’s out on His ride
    Believe in Him and never die

    Beardfish “Roullete” Psichedelic/Space Rock

  22. Jack Faire

    I am sensing impending doom as in the horizon look oh my god no it can’t be yes it is oh god Sal’s Bike the Musical! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!

    1. Chumpy

      These are the actual lyrics.

  23. TheBenenator

    I vote for the motorcycle getting its own hashtag. It is a recurring character.

  24. goatman95111

    She probably just did a Seal, and made remixes of the same three songs ten times.

  25. Jimmy

    To be fair, if I had a motorcycle, I would be singing my theme song every place I went.

  26. LeaLeonis

    If I had a motorcycle, I’d just turn up the radio and play my theme song.

    It would probably be “Confusion” by Alice in Chains.

  27. Jimmy

    “Ride, ride, ride, let it ride!”

  28. Rachel

    I love that despite their fight earlier, Joyce and Walky still are getting along pretty well. That Mountain Dew mixture from earlier must have really broken the ice!

  29. Sporkaganza

    I guess everybody loves a bad girl, even Joyce.

  30. Mkvenner

    100

  31. Jimbo

    i would LOVE to hear Joyce’s theme songs for the bike

  32. Hannover Fist

    A few likely candidates:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm7EeuWnc-8
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g52D8Jsw8Vk&feature=related
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrpN-ATz4jU
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YgRtUI2rzw
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hzmQMBxDFc&feature=related

  33. Kelsey

    Try writing thirty more, Joyce. That oughta do the trick.

  34. SgtNumnum

    How many of the theme songs were filled with Bible verses?

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