114

First crack
Posted on July 8, 2024 by David M Willis

114 thoughts on “First crack”

  1. Doctor_Who

    Wow, Dina’s a natural.

    It takes most college students way longer to drink themselves under the table. She’s so efficient!

    1. anon

      lol the neat freak in me worries about the table being dirty lol

      even tho becky said something about ‘self sanitizing’ when joyce was freaking out about the wine at jacob’s church (tho that still seems like nasty with backwash or so)

      1. morleuca

        You just sort of put your lips to the cup edge

    2. Ophidiophile

      It takes even longer for them to drink FROM the table.

    3. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Dina, Muldoon didn’t say, “shot’s for her.” He said, “shoot her!”

      But I love your energy, even as I fret over the cleanliness of a college dorm table.

  2. NGPZ

    Gonna be 5 minutes at the most before the first effects ethanol are onset. Probably much less given her weight.

    GET EXCITED! B)

    *plays “Hydrogen” by M|O|O|N on hacked muzak*

    1. Doctor_Who

      Dina: “Dorothy, I fear in my inebriated state last night, I may have behaved in an embarrassing manner. Can you confirm?”

      Dorothy: “No, you were fine. Look, I recorded some of the party.”

      Drunk Dina on phone: “An’ y’know what? *hic* I think Dimetrodon should count aza dinozhaur. An’ I don’t care WHAT the scientizts sez!”

      Dina: It is much worse than I feared.

      1. Thag Simmons

        Obviously deeply shameful, Dimetrodon is basically a mammal, but if she was saying Pterodactyls should count as a dinosaur I think that’d be pretty defensible.

      2. sultryglebe

        I might actually say this sober. I always want to say dimetrodon is my favorite dinosaur, even though I know.

        1. Thag Simmons

          I won’t go so far as saying you should be able to say Dimetrodon is your favourite dinosaur, it’s not even the right branch of the tree, but that so much of taxonomy is based around creating Monophyly means that it can become very frustrating to talk about very basal members of the clade.

          Like I know “Pelycosaur” is paraphyletic but I kind of feel like it’s useful to be able to specify that we’re talking about specifically the weird sail dudes.

        2. tim Rowledge

          “Monophyly”?
          Go directly to the archetype of jail. Do not pass any ancestors or descendants of Go.

    2. Thag Simmons

      I’ve definitely heard of short people who have shockingly high alcohol tolerances for their size.

      1. morleuca

        Present

  3. Ana Chronistic

    accurate keg party is accurate

    1. Aura

      These panels could actually have been photos taken at any of a dozen parties from my late teens–early 20s :O (And I wasn’t even much of a party person!)

  4. Masumi

    Love how these girls’ weird goes together so well!

    1. Jenniffniff

      Me too. I love them as a couple.

      1. Ana Chronistic

        they just need, like, a talking cat to become TEAM ROCKETSCIENCE

  5. Matrix

    What a waste!

    1. Mild Lee Interested

      Slurping spilled spirits off the table like this to avoid waste is 100% age accurate.

      1. Dante

        … I mean, I’m not sure it’s age restricted

        (Is it??? I HOPE NOT???)

        1. Mild Lee Interested

          Refuse to respond on the grounds that i may incriminate my 50 year old self.

    2. Amós Batista

      And it’s even a keg. This party won’t be long, I’m afraid.

  6. Aura

    omg Dina has the BEST faces in this one! I think panel 4 is my favourite

    1. True Survivor

      I know. I also really like that Mr. Willis took the time to draw reflections in the liquid in panel 4 – very cool detail.

      1. Aura

        Oh nice, I had to scroll up to admire those! 😀

  7. Sirksome

    It’s actually booze. I guess stores do sell nondescript cartoon bottles of generic alcohol.

    1. DailyBrad

      Oh yeah, you can totally get jugs that look like this, albeit it’s people selling it for the shtick.

      So, on the bright side, it may not be total rotgut, but on the downside, it’s probably not very good if it’s relying on a gimmick to stand out on the shelf.

    2. Taffy

      Did you want a bottle of Jack Daniels with the label facing out?

      1. Sirksome

        Well excuse me for thinking the big cartoon jug of booze with x’s on it was maybe the setup for a gag.

        1. Sirksome

          That being said I think maybe we’ve seen double x brand alcohol before. I think Ruth is a fan.

        2. Thag Simmons

          I totally buy that someone would come up with this sort of minimalist branding for an alcohol product

          Maybe in the dumbiverse ‘X’ brand alcohol is a popular brand.

        3. Aura

          XXXX is a pretty well-known beer in Australia

        4. John Campbell

          XX and Nachitos, breakfast of champions. And by “champions” I mean “college students”.

        5. Taffy

          You’re not being taken to task, there’s nothing to excuse.

      2. StClair

        that would mean Willis was getting the sweet product placement money, right?

      3. Needfuldoer

        Now that’s what I call product placement!

  8. Dante

    [CACKLING]

    I’m pretty sure something like this happened at least a couple of times the first time I handled a bottle of that size. What a rite of passage. But, is Dina prepared to how gasoline-like that’s gonna taste?

  9. Charles Phipps

    No one really thought to make a punch for the incredibly high potency booze, huh?

    1. Shakes

      I’m not American so I don’t know if sinking hits of raw spirits from plastic cups is the done thing for 18 year old first timers but it seems like insanity to me to have no mixers.

      You open that bottle and smell once and you kinda know you’re not drinking that neat!

      1. pope suburban

        Shots are common here, yes, but most people prefer or require a chaser. Certainly mixed drinks were also popular when I was in school, but I don’t know how useful my data is because I grew up in a college town and even my high school was infamous for partying hard. Like, kids would go to college and be able to handle their liquor, and it would all click when they named our hometown (we party hard, and also have less oxygen – a formidable preparation for teen drinking closer to sea level). My concern here is that if Dina gets most of that Solo cup, she will be having A Time soon, and it’s anyone’s guess how long before Terrible gets added (because it will, either at the time or next morning). Sarah is right to commandeer the booze and we’d do well with a few more people who have imbibed before and can babysit the newbies. Thst was my job often in school, especially freshman year when people would drink at altitude before acclimated. I would sooner herd cats; there would be less puke and minor injury. :’D

      2. Bogeywoman

        In Australia that’s definitely how first timers do it. Generally there’s not a second time unless they’re desperate/bogan enough.

        The alternative is good of fortune where a good bag (cheap bag wine) is hung from a hills hoist (circular clothes line) which is spun so whoever is nearest it when it stops has to take a drink.

        1. Aura

          In case anyone not familiar with the lingo’s reading this and confused, ‘good’ in the second paragraph is an autocorrect from ‘goon’ 🙂

    2. Sirksome

      I can’t imagine generic alcohol tastes great either. They should really have a mixer for it. These young punks will tolerate anything for the buzz.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Great Value rotgut.

    3. zee

      Well yeah they’re like 19 max and American, they don’t know how you’re supposed to drink

      1. thejeff

        It’s not like there aren’t highly experienced professionals in the cast, even at that age. (Though one is Canadian.)
        These two just happen to be the newbies.

  10. Opus the Poet

    Well, we can tell by the color it’s not a barley beverage.

    1. Proxiehunter

      I’d say the color suggests barrel aging, but the packaging suggests caramel color added to make it [i]look[/i] like it’s been barrel aged when in fact it’s never been anywhere [i]near[/i] an oak barrel.

      1. Shakes

        If Dina could reach it it probably wasn’t the good stuff.

        1. Thag Simmons

          Or alternatively it’s the real good under the counter shit.

        2. Azhrei Vep

          Double alternately …. we’ve never seen Dina jump that I know of.

          Girl might have ups.

        3. Nymph

          We do know she got onto Joe’s shoulders with relative ease so I support this theory.

        4. Tan

          Honestly, if we found out Dina was crawling on the ceiling, it would be one of the least surprising physics-defying moments in the entire comic.

  11. Kimi

    The true way to get your kids to never want to try alcohol, with a taste of Malort at home?

    1. DailyBrad

      I’ve always thought “Malort” should be the name of a goblin.

      1. Kimi

        Considering what I have heard people say of its flavor, it might not be too far off. “Malört (literally moth herb) is the Swedish word for wormwood” according to wiki.

  12. Bryy

    That “at communion” quote is doing A LOT OF HEAVY LIFTING.

  13. shrub

    Table scull!

    I’ve never identified more with Dina until this.

  14. Kyrik Michalowski

    They are still doing better than my first group drinking event; that is a day I wish I could forget.

    1. shrub

      If you can remember it then you didn’t drink enough ?

  15. brionl

    Should have gone with a Velociraptor. Triceratops don’t have any thumbs, makes it hard to pour.

    1. NGPZ

      dino digga gonna get wasted on tree start brew XD

      1. NGPZ

        *tree star

      2. Bryy

        fuck i love this reference.

    2. eh, whatever

      Of course they do. They’re just not particularly opposable.

  16. Endplanets

    Joe would be proud.

  17. BBCC

    YES please let Sarah pour!

  18. Steelbright

    This party is off to an excellent start.

  19. IntangibleMatter

    I’m just here to appreciate all the Dina facial expressions today

  20. Taffy

    Depending on the variety and social context, I’d probably happily accept a full Solo cup of unmixed liquor.

  21. Amós Batista

    Becky was savage in second panel

  22. Risky

    Were you at that Reed party in 2010 or is this just a coincidence?

  23. HueSatLight

    Look at that reflection. Like it’s made out of mercury.

  24. DJTsurugi

    the bad choices have begun… IN EARNEST! ~<3

  25. Daibhid C

    *Puts “Get The Party Started” (Shirley Bassey version) on the hacked musak.*

  26. Da Boy

    I suddenly remembered that Japanese apparently don’t process alcohol well… the drunk Dino should be interesting.

    1. Taffy

      Where’d you get that idea?

      1. Bogeywoman

        I’ve seen a bit of it in media, but remember a segment on a niche journalism show Hungry Beast that talked about it. Something like 30% of east Asian people (Japan, Korea, china, Thailand) have some genetic thingamajig that means their body doesn’t break down alcohol well. It causes redness (commonly depicted in anime), tiredness and either heart palpitations or breathing issues (I can’t remember which).

        1. Adept

          It also makes carriers of that gene much more prone to getting bowel cancer from alcohol. It’s pretty grim, and if you have it you really should not drink.

        2. Da Boy

          Damn this puts a rather sad twist to the enforced social drinking in Japanese work places…

        3. Adept

          It really does :/

        4. NGPZ

          Jennifer is half Chinese, is she not?

          Apparently not all east asian folk lack the enzyme.

      2. Da Boy

        Some articles, apparently Japanese, or maybe broader South-East Asians lack this one enzyme used to process alcohol.

      3. Doopyboop

        This is probably the silliest way to ever discover such a fact BUT… I used to watch Markiplier’s Drunk Minecraft videos. He’d get drunk with his friends and drunkenly play Minecraft, funniest shit I ever saw (in like… 2013) BUT he wound up having to quit doing the series and honestly put a stop to drinking alcohol in general because he had a heart attack. Markiplier is also Korean-American.

    2. Bogeywoman

      I thought that, too. Specifically wondering whether she’d have a flush reaction.

      1. Da Boy

        Will be cute to watch, distracting from the incoming couple drama between Walky and Lucy XD

        1. Adept

          Is it even couple drama after they’ve broken up?

        2. Da Boy

          That’s the question, did they break up? I think it was left kind of ambiguous between break up and on break? Though even if they did it’s hard to say how Lucy will react, how she will feel about this.

        3. Mark

          It’s starting to look like Walky sorta-kinda assumed so, and Lucy thought it was just a quarrel. [fingers steepled] We shall see.

  27. Mark

    [old guy says] Dina: maybe push your sleeves up above the wrist so you have full use of your hands?

  28. Mark

    Okay, I assumed from its width that this was a circular-cylindrical jug and wondering why it was so squat and had no handle. But it is looking like a simple bottle with an oval cross-section. So: still a lot of booze, but not as much as I thought.

  29. Keith

    This will be interesting, nobody is even tipsy and the crazy ways to drink have started. I feel like I missed a party when I was young. And I’ve been to parties where 1 red cup would fix it so you had to get a ride home because “dude, I can’t find my keys or my car”. 3 cup and you slithered home.

  30. darkoneko

    it’s big enough that you can just tilt it while having it rest on the table, Dina !

  31. Rabisch

    Go Dina, GO!

  32. Yeet

    hell yeahhhh

  33. raultsi

    wow the party hasn’t even started and the first drink is already spilled

    also it’s not a party until something gets broken and somebody pukes. Bonus points if both happen at the same time.

    1. Regret

      You need to go to better parties, puke never makes a party better.

  34. Nymph

    I find it very interesting how the pearl-clutching people are absent from this comic strip of underage drinking actually happening, but came out in force when Joyce suggested she was looking forward to participating.

    Any bets on if they turn up again the second Joyce is on-screen?

    1. Taffy

      It’s interesting that Dina is one of the most frequently infantilised characters in the comic, but nobody seems to bat an eye when she’s drinking straight liquor off a table.

      1. Nymph

        This is also an excellent point.

      2. anon

        well, as a gf i don’t think becky wouldn ecessarily infantalize her (if anything the opposite and finding her ‘sexually intimidating’ before they hooked up) and sarah prolly wouldn’t unless she intentionally wanted to be mean, though dina likes sarah’s bluntness at least

        tho i’d think like 80% of college students would need a ‘mom friend’ or (an older) adult in the room esp during a drinking party

        i mean, joyce was ok with sneaking into a bar as part of her ‘growth’ as a person so i dont’ think she should be scandalized at dina’s drinking considering she was able to acquire it herself/i imagine they wouldn’t invite ppl that’d necessarily be against it even tho amber was at first

    2. Da Boy

      Well if they are over 18 they are not underage drinking in my books… also I’m a Slav so that kind of muddies the waters further.

      1. Nymph

        I mean, sure? I don’t have a dog in that race really, I’m just interested in the huge difference in response from the comments.

    3. Nicoleandmaggie

      This is a lot funnier than Joyce and Dorothy at the bar.

  35. Francoinblanco

    We need bigger chaser. Bring Joyce sprite stash

    1. Adept

      Urgh… random hard liquor and sprite. It sucks being 18 and clueless.

  36. Suet

    And this party is now off to a messy start…

    We might have to ration the hooch!

  37. Proto

    I don’t know what booze in particular is in that bottle but I think (at least some of) these children drinking for the first time are about to find out that alcohol with no mixers is potentially not the tastiest drink around.

    I remember the first time I drank anything it was just a little shot glass of vodka (that I drank like a tiny glass because I didn’t know how you did a shot) and I did a cartoon spittake when I did not care for it at all.

  38. Adept

    I do wonder if that weird x x bottle is a stand in for something real. Is this autobiographical?

  39. Luminous Lead

    I hope that’s a waterproof plastic table and not a painted/stained wooden one. I’ve see spilled rum take the colour off them and the resulting puddles did not look appetizing.

    1. Needfuldoer

      It’s probably a plastic card table.

  40. jmsr7

    Dina’s face is hilarious. You can really tell that her practice of ‘roaring like a dinasaur’ has paid off.

    Also, i can.not.believe it took me this long to notice that Becky is leaning into the ‘flannel wearing lesbian’ stereotype.

  41. darkoneko

    Since they locked the door to prevent Ruth, I assume Dorothy arrived from the shared bathroom side ?

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