159

Fort
Posted on September 27, 2011 by David M Willis

159 thoughts on “Fort”

  1. Jen Aside

    Nice jugs, Billie!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      You mean Nice Kegs dontcha?

      1. iSaidCandleja-

        That too.

      2. Mkvenner

        What ke- Oh those kegs.

    2. David Herbert

      She supports them well.

    3. tom

      that’s funny, I was too distracted by the freckles on Dorothy’s shoulders…

    4. Phillip Wilde

      I see what you did there.

  2. Bobnotk

    I don’t think Billie is even human if she hasn’t passed out yet.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Her alcohol tolerance must be OVER 9000!

      1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

        Only one plausible explanation could be that aliens abducted her and realized they made a mistake in doing so and never abducted another human again in this universe. Her liver should be SHOT by now.

      2. Just for kix

        No way, over 9000! Check the scouter again!

        1. lightsabermario

          Oops, too late, I broke it. For dramatic effect.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      So those are tanks of ethanol… makes perfect sense. 😛

      1. Izzy

        I’m lazy, Plasma, You should totally link me to a good dorothy page so i can be of service…

      2. Azumango

        Yelling Bird approved.

    3. Ancestral Hamster

      Billie in DoA is part-Asian, but no one has asked what the other part is. The answer is “tree shrew”. The species of tree shrew in the article linked below metabolizes alcohol so quickly it avoids both drunkeness and the long-term effects of alcohol abuse. Clearly Billie is part-Asian, part-tree shrew and has inherited the miracle metabolism from the shrew side of the family.

      http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/80beats/2008/07/29/tiny-tree-shrews-live-on-alcohol-but-never-get-drunk/

      1. OhHayMike

        I hate to be “that guy”, but the other part is English.

        1. Tamm

          An English tree shrew.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Are you sure that it isn’t an African or European tree shrew.

        3. Icalasari

          Depends on the air speed velocity

          …Well, I’m SURE that would matter if you loaded them in a catapult…

    4. wandering meme

      “And later tonight on ‘campus news network’, an underaged college student attended a frat party and had her liver explode out of her sides simultaneously! Fratboy says, ‘a miracle and a tragedy! a miragedy!’ film at 11.”

    5. Another Commenter

      Maybe… it’s because she’s Amazigirl!

      Or Ultra-Car, I’m good either way.

      1. Mally

        Billie is Ultra-Car? Well, that just makes my fan-fic awkward.

  3. Mkvenner

    What the- Where did she get the kegs and how is she able to lift them? 0.o

    1. Cha

      She’s a CHEERLEADER duhhhh.

      1. Mkvenner

        Do you know how much a full keg wieghs?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Almost enough to make Billie tipsy.

        2. wandering meme

          good job billie! but remember: balance! don’t overdo it!

        3. wandering meme

          chug, chug, pass, billie. chug, chug, pass.

        4. Chiatroll

          These are minikegs though. Like the green heineken ones. Either that or she is a giant. It’snot to bad to hold three of those. Especially at the rate she will empty them.

        5. iSaidCandleja-

          Slightly less than Billie’s jugs?

        6. NakedDumblydore

          This is Billie we’re talking about. Those kegs are already nearly empty.

        7. skavensrule

          Those look like mini-kegs so she is carrying about 60 pounds +/-, easily possible. Of course knowing Billie as we do, about thirty of those pounds are inside her by now.

        8. Random Webcomics Junkie

          You’re assuming they were full for longer than five seconds.

  4. Cha

    This can only mean Joyce doing something dumb…I hope/fear.

    1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

      Her doing so at this point would only make the party that much better.

  5. Doctor_Who

    At any given moment, how much of Billie’s body mass would you say is beer?

    1. dchorror

      180%. I know it’s not possible. I’m still sticking by that number.

      1. GinzaMary

        I think you mean 360 proof.

        1. dchorror

          I don’t know how to do proof. Not a heavy drinker.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          IIRC, the proof number is double the percentage, eg: 30% alcohol content = 60 proof.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        Her blood alcohol may end up being 180 proof before the end of the night.

        1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

          No kidding! Could you imagine the cops reaction to it if they arrested her and tested her blood alcohol level? They’d probably pass out at the number! Allowing her to go free. Scientists would sure have a field day studying this unusual phenomenon.

        2. George

          They’d probably just assume their breathalyzer was broken, since your blood only has to be 0.5% alcohol to kill you and Billie looks like she’s going to push 1.0%. BECAUSE THAT IS HOW HARD SHE PARTIES.

        3. GinzaMary

          Yeah, I think Billie may have transcended the norm of average drunk college party girl and entered that strange and other-worldly state of drunkenness that can only be described as… AUSTRALIAN DRUNK! That state in which, no matter where you are in the world, by the end of the night you will be punched in the face by a kangaroo.

        4. Rowen Morland

          That would be a wonderful end to this sequence.

        5. TheBenenator

          “you will be punched in the FAAAAAAACE”

          Fixed it for you. For a nickel.

        6. eagalian

          with your penis?

        7. Doctor_Who

          Mike. In a kangaroo costume. Willis, make this happen. 😉

  6. andr3wtime

    That is some extremely minimalistic modern art on the wall there.

    1. Khrene Cleaver

      Yeah those are the works of Evian Scameu Ripweil. Her blank artwork says volumes, and are worth of 75,000 dollars each.

  7. MM

    If I were Joyce, I think my expression would’ve been reversed in those panels. “Here I am, hanging out by the closet alone…but at least I’m not going to be passing out in another five minutes.”

    1. Kaci

      yeah what I was wondering!

    2. Sporkaganza

      To me her expression in the last panel looked contemptuous. I could be just me, though.

      1. Kirt Dankmyer

        Seems more angry to me.

        1. Despite Rage

          I thought it was determined, as in determined not to turn into Billy.

    3. wandering meme

      way to go Joyce! Already past the 20 minute mark, and no one noticed its rape O’clock yet!

      1. Khrene Cleaver

        Rape is a no go Joe bro. Man its one thing if a girl is off her shit FAAAACCCCED but if she says no, I let her go. But its okay she knows what shes missing and she come running back only to now she has to wait in the headline.

  8. Kaci

    Why does she sound so annoyed there? I mean, in comparison to the other alternative, alone next to a closet isn’t bad.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Maybe just maybe, Joyce wanted to have fun at the party, but due to the fact that no one said hi back to her, she got served Sierra Mist instead of Sprite and that Billie is making a complete ass of herself, the party is starting to disappoint hersomewhat.

    2. Mkvenner

      She’s annoyed at Billie.

    3. Valdrax

      C) All of the above.

  9. The Sound Defense

    Out of the ten warning signs of alcoholism, Billie displays about seven hundred.

    1. Vivvav

      I know. What a lightweight.

  10. Jimmy

    Joyce is like me at every party I ever go to.

  11. NCP19

    Billie looks like the female (and somehow more drunk) version of Iron Man to me.

    1. Kernanator

      Does that mean she’s gonna build a metal suit IN A CAVE!? WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!?

      1. GinzaMary

        Not unless Joe shows up, she taps out on about 3 more kegstands, for some reason has a teddy on her, and they manage to score so plutonium at 4am. If all that happens…

        Joe: “Best. Party. EVER!”

        1. ryan

          what if she just trips into a pile of empty kegs, and through the miracle of science punchlines ends up wearing them?

        2. lightsabermario

          Who knows? They can always get some plutonium from the Libyans!

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Billie is trying to run at 88mph so she can go back to a time when she was popular.

  12. Platypus

    Shaggy is in the backround, kinda.

  13. dchorror

    Hanging out by the closet seems like too much of an easy joke.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      At least she isn’t IN the closet.

      1. GinzaMary

        Hey now, we don’t want to discourage her from interesting new character development. 😀

        1. dchorror

          Yeah, we don’t know that and given Willis’ track record…

        2. Wix

          Willis is by far one of the most… How to put it… Out of the blue right hooks you’ll ever find when it comes to writing.

        3. GinzaMary

          I was just joking around, but I have to admit DoA Joyce being gay would be kind of awesome. Not just as a yuri fan girl Squee thing either. I always thought some of the funniest Walkyverse Joyce moments were when her sexuality is questioned. To this day I think the funniest thing Willis ever did was when Joyce’s parents gave her the “it’s okay that you’re gay” speech the first time she brought Walky to meet them.

        4. R

          I loved Joyce’s parents in the other Walkyverse (or is it the Walkyverse). They didn’t mean to turn out a little husband-crazy bible thumper, they were just trying to insure their baby girl didn’t get knocked up in college like mom did (which could’ve been done with DP shots, but w/e).
          I hope we get to know them more in this incarnation.

        5. begbert2

          Odds are good they’re very, very different this time around.

      2. Rognik

        Well, if she was in the closet with the right person, she might enjoy it. After all, it’s called “7 minutes in HEAVEN”.

  14. TheAlucinaut

    S’all about context.

  15. Conuzor

    Go Billie go! YOU KAN DOO EET!

  16. Wackd

    I took one look at Billie and thought “Donkey Kong”. Those kegs look way too much like barrels.

    1. Joraiem

      Why exactly is Joyce staying by the closet alone? It’s not like she was lacking in friendliness before. Or has she already introduced herself to everyone there?

      1. Joraiem

        Oops accidentally posted it in the wrong spot. Incidentally, she should totally throw the kegs at Dorothy and carry Roz up a ladder.

        1. George

          Better yet, empty the kegs, grab Joyce, climb a half-finished building, drunk dial Walky, and throw the kegs at him when he tries to get them down.

        2. cmglothlin

          I also have the same avatar. And drinking and stuff.

        3. Bickendan

          Not drinking and stuff here.

        4. cmglothlin

          Awesome. I’ll bring Sprite and Chex Mix

  17. lawzlo

    Thanks to Shortpacked, I can’t see a closet in a Willis comic without wondering who’s in it…

    Could it be a certain congresswoman?

  18. mnk

    Joyce is reminding me a lot of Joe Cool here.

    “Here’s Joyce Cool, hanging around the student union…”

  19. Plasma Mongoose

    Billie: The only woman alive whose urine is a high level fire safety hazard.

    1. Shifty

      What about Courtney Love?

    2. lightsabermario

      What about Lindsey Lohan?

    3. Spazman

      Is Willis going to make a Farscape/DoA fiery pissing contest?

      Rigel vs. Billie…..

      😀

  20. Ridureyu

    Billie just looks so desperate to drink more. I mean, look at those eyes!

  21. Plasma Mongoose

    I can only hope that Roz can make this party more interesting.

    1. wandering meme

      now that you mention it, how come Roz isn’t dressed like a slut?!?!? (especially after she suggested it?)

      1. Valdrax

        Technically, all she said was that Dorothy couldn’t dress like she normally does. Dorothy and Roz are currently wearing about the same level of casual clothing, so I don’t see the problem.

  22. ScytheAkse

    sitting alone by the closet seems the correct place for the nonworld-ly lil christian girl at a college party fueled by alcohol.

  23. huh

    A girl standing along in the corner of a party? This sounds like a job for drunk frat guy.

  24. Daeva

    -inserts passing train whistle sound effect in panel three-

  25. Ravux

    Oh…. I can totally see what’s going to happen next. Probably. Ahem, PREMARITAL HANKY PANKY, coming out of the closet.

    1. wandering meme

      Premarital Hanky Panky with Nether defiling little dickmonsters, posted on the world wide web!

  26. Plasma Mongoose

    It’s a sin for a pretty girl with impressive sweater pups to be by herself at a party.

  27. Plasma Mongoose

    What on earth is up with the posts, they are not posting where they are supposed to be for some reason.

    1. CWR

      Sweater pups are welcome everywhere.

      Even here.

    2. HeartlessHealer

      It’s probably because your crazed Hannelore icon is upsetting the site. :p

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Who would have guessed that Hannelore’s rapeface can break even the internet.

  28. Doom Shepherd

    Billie’s shirt is back on. How often do people put clothes BACK ON when they’re drunk??

    It’s a trap!

  29. Azukar

    Bizarrely, the thing that first struck me is that Roz is in the same clothes she was in during the day. I guess, to her, life’s all one big party?

    (What is wrong with me…)

    1. ryan

      she told dorothy to change. doesn’t mean roz herself needed to.

  30. KresyAntics

    Roz didn’t even change clothes for the party…lame. Now on a serious note 2 thumbs up for drunk party girls!

    1. Joebo

      No.

      1. Jack

        This post, coupled with this gravatar, won an internet for Joebo.

  31. Kernanator

    Wow…Y’know, if Billie dies, she’s probably consumed enough alcohol to preserve her body for thousands of years.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Pickling is a traditional way to preserve things after all.

  32. Daeva

    Okay, I just realized something. Billie is drunk off her ass, and yet she can STILL maintain the level of coordination needed to balance a keg on your head while running.

    Gotta give a girl props…

  33. Timothy

    Nice snark from Joyce there.

  34. JTSkibbles

    There’s probably a few somebodies in the closet.

  35. Lee

    Jesus Christ, Billie

    1. ryan

      best comment today.

  36. Shifty

    Gee, I don’t know why anyone would ever think Billie has a drinking problem…

    1. calendarman27

      She doesn’t, she seems to have it down to a science

  37. stikibunn

    David Mitchell (Who like all english people personally knows the Queen) would like me to point out that “Hold down the fort” is an incorrect statement. The correct phrase is “Hold the Fort” not “Hold Down the Fort” If I ask you to “Hold the Fort” the metaphor I am employing is perfectly clear. You and I are in the fort together, holding out against the enemies of the fort, who are besieging the fort.
    I now have to pop out of the fort for a bit to get some printer toner or take the cat to the vet.
    While I do do this, (Don’t worry about how I get past the besieging enemy I have a secret tunnel and a false beard) while I do this I want you to “Hold the Fort” so when I return we both still have “the Fort…”
    A perfectly reasonable metaphor embodying a sound military strategy.

    If I ask you to “Hold down the fort” what the hell am I talking about? “Hold down the fort because when I go you out… it’s.. an inflatable hover fort and once relieved of my weight it might float off into the sky.”
    “Hold down the fort and when I get back the two of can tickle the fort…” no. meaningless… stop it.

    http://youtu.be/om7O0MFkmpw

    1. Azukar

      I don’t think Dorothy is that worried. She’s got more on her mind.

    2. ryan

      language, much like those pokey men, tends to evolve.

  38. Wix

    Now -that- is a true style party girl. Seriously, -that- much liquor and she still has the balance to carry a keg on her HEAD without getting any on her. The woman is a force of nature soaked to the boan in alcohol.

    1. TsunamiJane

      soaked to the femurs

      1. Izzy

        with her pe-….
        For a nickle

  39. Björn

    I find Billie’s behaviour unbillievable.

    1. ryan

      i have no joyce but to agree with you.

      1. KEViN

        I roz going to post something clever here, but I couldn’t think of anything.

      2. Izzy

        I’m just gonna walky on outta here and let you all hate on my mastery of bad, name related puns

        1. lightsabermario

          Andanny hope of this meme stopping is mikeroscopic. What? It was a joeke!

        2. fellixe

          I’m Dina hear what else you have.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Memes like me make me wanna rejoyce for humanity.

  40. zsquaredagain

    Clearly, Billie aspires to find out what comes after “super-drunk”….for science.

    1. fellixe

      It is inspiring how deeply devoted she is to quantumdrunk science.

    2. Jack

      Vomit and a hangover.

  41. goatman95111

    I wonder how many kegger push-ups Billie can do. After all, she was a cheerleader.

  42. Name

    Does anyone else think Joyce should grow up and try to talk to new people without lecturing them or their immorality? I don’t feel sorry for her when she’s “alone” in a room full of people.

    1. Random Webcomics Junkie

      No one who’s been paying attention, anyway. Please see: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/06-yesterday-was-thursday/predrunk/

      Joyce HAS been talking to new people with nary a lecture. Dotty asked her to wait there and there’s no one nearby to talk to, so Joyce is “alone.” Billie walks past looking ridiculous and way, way past drunk. Joyce understandably doesn’t want to try to strike up with a conversation with her while she’s like that. (Even if Billie would allow it, which she probably wouldn’t, as she seems to have come to this party for reasons other than talking to Joyce.)

      So: she’s tried striking up conversations and probably will again when someone non-Billie walks near enough or when she’s done waiting there for Dotty as she promised. She hasn’t lectured anyone yet – although she has expressed shock (reasonably) that Billie is stone drunk no more than five minutes after arriving at the party.

      Joyce is actually behaving very, very well considering this is probably the first party she has ever attended where alcohol is involved and board games are not, and sex with someone you meet there is actually possible.

  43. Bill M.

    Okay, we finally have proof. With those mini-kegs, it’s obvious now that Billie’s liver no longer takes alcohol out of her system, she now is a distillery. Even after drinking regular water, her excreted bodily fluids have the same alcohol content as beer.

  44. Tobias

    Poor Joyce. I never attended a frat party in college, but if I had I’d probably be in her exact situation.

    See, she shoulda brought the Apples to Apples after all!

  45. artemi

    By god Billie, you are AMAZING.

  46. Joebo

    Honestly, if I were at this party and saw Billie I would either A) try to get her kicked out or B) just leave if A proved impossible. Also, if this were my party I would just plain kick Billie out, no A or B required.

  47. MarcinMN

    Don’t feel bad, Joyce. When I was in college, I didn’t even *get* to the parties in order to hang out by the closet. 😉

  48. Sir Robin

    I hope someone comes over to talk to Joyce … I’m guessing Faz

  49. Locke

    You’re not alone, Joyce! After all, there’s probably a couple of partygoers messing around inside that closet.

  50. Culwecth

    The reason Billie’s got three kegs is so she can keep upright. They’re acting as counterweights.

  51. TheProfessor529

    Nice Velma sweater, Joyce

  52. TheDoctor

    I think I prefer Joyce in the vest. Either way she’s too sweet for this kind of party….unless she bumps into Walky.

  53. mr speck

    so is ron the guy in the green jacket?

  54. Richie9999

    Billie takes her drinking VERY seriously.

  55. Zar Kane

    Ok, where’s Ron in this one?

    1. Andrusi

      Part of his arm is in panels 1 and 3.

  56. SgtNumnum

    If things keep going like this, Billie’s gonna end up dying of liver failiure, and Joyce is gonna get the sh*t beat out of her for saying “I told you so” at the funeral

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