153

Vandals
Posted on April 10, 2013 by David M Willis

153 thoughts on “Vandals”

  1. Kernanator

    Vandals, huh? Well, I’m going to savage you!

    1. BayoWolf

      Gonna take you back to the stone age!

      I’m sorry.

      1. Juliecat

        At least you didn’t go for the obvious joke!

      2. GoldStarz

        Well that Scandal sure will be a Knockout.

        1. HLY

          I don’t know whats worse. these puns, or the fact I got each one…

        2. Zoey

          I feel your pain…..

        3. Tan

          The worst thing is that the Secret Six as written by Gail Simone and illustrated by Nicola Scott no longer exists 🙁

        4. Romanticide

          yes, that is indeed the worst D:

      3. Somebody

        Since you said stone age, I have to reference Vandal Savage.

        1. Jesse

          Oh, welcome to the party, I wasn’t sure if you were going to make it. Unfortunately, most people have gone home already, but help yourself to whatever snacks are left.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      ^ – Condom-Lass

      1. Doctor_Who

        It makes sense. Batman became Batman because he finds bats frightening. Joyce is terrified of human sexuality.

        “I must become something dark and fearsome to strike terror into the hearts of evil. I know! I will wear a condom on my head! I am…the Pre-Marital Hanker-Panker!”

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Condoms are scary things mainly cos they are so damn tricky to put on.

        2. David

          i think you’re doing it wrong

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          They might be much easier to use if it was shaped like a cucumber.

        4. Melvin Schlock

          Are they not?!?
          o_O

        5. Volkai

          Behold! Human anatomy is subject to variation!

        6. TPman

          I’m still looking for perfectly square ones.

        7. Laurel Raven

          Looking to try putting a square peg in a round hole?

        8. Somebody

          Why not just Rubber-head?

        9. Kernanator

          I like this name.

        10. John

          Sounds like a Dick Tracy villain.

    3. Wonder Wig

      Don’t wanna be a bum
      You better chew gum
      The pump don’t work
      ’Cause the vandals took the handles

  2. Plasma Mongoose

    No one messes with the Amazi-Shrimp and gets away with it.

    1. Sporky

      Who are you calling a shrimp so tiny that they can’t even be seen without a scanning tunneling microscope??!!

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        So what do you suggest her nickname should be then?

        1. Count Dracula

          Amazi-Tardigrade

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          She’s immune to the harmful effect of dehydration. 😀

      2. Rowen Morland

        😀

      3. The Hazmat Kid

        Not you, Ed!

      4. Izzy

        haHA!

    2. Led

      One of those guys is actually Amazi-Girl’s nemesis “Randall the Sandal-wearing Scandal Vandal”.

  3. Count Dracula

    She told them to halt, and they did, which was very considerate of them. She never asked them to be respectful, so I guess she shouldn’t have expected them to be polite.

    1. Yotomoe

      Vandals, Vagabonds and Derelicts are rarely polite.

      1. Count Dracula

        Vandals, Vagabonds, and Derelicts was my favorite band in high school.

      2. Kelly

        Vandals, ok, but who are these other two? I know Visigoths, Ostrogoths, Franks, Angles, Saxons…never heard of Vagabonds or Derelicts though.

        1. Raoullefere

          You never heard of the Vagabonds because historians are elitists. So the Vagabonds never had an actual camp. Or tents. So they never had any horses. So there were only ten or so members in the tribe because most of the kids kept leaving to become ‘proper’ barbarians, Ostrogoths and Vandals and toffs like that.

          I tell you, historians are what-have-you-done-to-someone-lately floozies. Flash them an encampment, raid a city, sack a temple, put fields to the torch, run off with horses or women, and you get scroll after scroll written about you. But pass one cap around for a denarius or two, busk one street corner, hitch a lift with one merchant’s wagon, and suddenly they don’t know your bleepin’ name.

    2. Bekah

      I don’t see “HALT AND RESPECT ME” catching on any time soon.

      1. JustcallmeSoul

        HALT AND RESPECT ME! *uppercuts kneecap*

        its pretty catchy with a broken kneecap.

  4. Juliecat

    Hey Mister Willis, when Amazi-Girl talks in black word balloons like here, is she doing a scary gravel voice like Batman?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      That or some kind of autotuning.

      1. Yotomoe

        Amazi-girl and her sidekick T-Payne.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          All she needs now is her retractable Amazi-Pimp-Cane.

        2. Aizat

          Should’ve have Black Tom Cassidy and his Pimp Cane then.

        3. JustcallmeSoul

          wouldn’t her sidekick more likely be T-Rex?

        4. Yotomoe

          So Dina’s her partner then? Yeah, I can roll with that.

        5. Christina

          Omigod, Dina as Amazigirl’s sidekick would be AWESOME. I hope that happens.

        6. Lukkai

          Considering Dina’s habit of always getting dragged along, I could actually see that happen. 😀

    2. Darth Cariss

      Yeah, she is changing her voice. When she first appeared she had a normal word balloon, but it changed to the current one in this strip:

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/03-the-first-step-towards-recovery/voice/

  5. VizardJeffhog

    aw yiss SHE GONNA OPEN A WHOLE CAN O’ WHOOPASS!

    1. Jake

      Well…maybe half a can of Whoopass. I’m not sure if a full can would be size appropriate for her.

      1. Khrene Cleaver

        Nothing hurts like a fun sized can o WHOOPASS!

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Like those mini-cans you get from hotel bar-fridges, small but expensive.

        2. Resne

          At least they let you keep the can. Airlines, am I right?

  6. Bunk

    Man, these sure are some Savage Vandals.

    1. Bunk

      So much so that their names are Fred and Ben.

      1. Raoullefere

        God only knows what they did to get called that shudder

  7. Yotomoe

    well, Amazi-tits could be a douchey backhanded compliment. But calling her short is definitively insulting.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I wonder if Daisy had dubbed her Amazi-Tits in the newspaper or not.

    2. Aras Pabedinskas

      Is this Amazigirl immune to all criticism? Because then this really shouldn’t be an issue.

    3. taekwondogirl

      Being short isn’t a bad thing so being called short shouldn’t be insulting. Obviously they meant it to be, but damn Amber, let it go. As you get older, being short and short jokes will get to you less..

      1. TrippingIslands

        Could you give an approximate of the age at which this is likely to happen? It most certainly has not yet for me.

        1. taekwondogirl

          It happened around 23-24 for me. I’m 5’1. It gets better!

  8. John

    It’s the Amazi-Rack, guys. Get it straight.

    1. Aizat

      And yes, her rack is amazing.

    2. xKiv

      Ninja Rack? What a transparent pseudonyme …

  9. 31stwalker

    To be fair, everything about her is just damn amazing!

    1. Rachel

      Nice random gravatar!!

  10. Aizat

    Mocking a superhero? BIG MISTAKE.

  11. timemonkey

    Soon all shall burn.

  12. Aras Pabedinskas

    Anyone else been having some pretty bad issues getting the site to load tonight? I mean, worse than usual, because it took me twenty minutes to get to the comments page.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I also had major issues and I’m from Australia.

      1. Zababcd

        No problems for me, and I’m from Australia. Do we have to end everything we write on the internet with ‘and I’m from Australia’ from now on?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Nope, I just added that it see if the server problem was limited to one country or not.

      2. Lukkai

        No problems for me. I don’t think it has anything to do with where you’re from, but just in case: From Switzerland myself.

        Did you still have the problem at the time of your answer to Zababcd, Plasma? Because if not, it probably had to do with timing.

        Btw: Who is it in your gravatar at the moment? Usually I can name or at least place the characters, but this one kinda eludes me.

  13. Kschenke

    I really want these guys to be punched in the face.

    1. timemonkey

      I’m hoping for a couple feet lower than the face.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        She’s pretty short so a nut-shot would be her best bet anyhow. 😀

  14. Wonder Wig

    Hope you brought soap and water, cuz I’m gonna clean your clocks!

  15. Yotomoe

    So Willis IS going to kill characters in this comic. Right after their first appearance too…

  16. justcallmesoul

    “big things come in small packages, VANDALS!”

    Err wait… That might be taken wrong…

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Your entendres were just doubled, if you know what I mean.

    2. JustcallmeSoul

      uhg… i still cant figure out why it wont display my proper gravitar…

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Concerning Gravatars: Are you using a jpg, is it roughly 300×300 in size or maybe it’s too big.

        1. JustcallmeSoul

          .png, and its 300×300, cropped it meself

        2. JustcallmeSoul

          oh. well its gone and corrected itself… YAY

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Looks like it is working now, it does take a few minutes at least for it to show up.

        4. JustcallmeSoul

          yeah but i set it up like… 36 hours ago. thats a long few minutes…

  17. Ryan

    Halt, vandals? Oh come on, Amber. This isn’t the Golden Age. You don’t say that kinda thing anymore. What you do is whip your small, bladed, projectile from the shadows at the sign, then leap into the light landing in a crouched position. Then you say the cool line of “hope you brought soap and water” when standing up, caped draped dramatically over you.

    I mean come on! This isn’t your first vicious criminal beating is it?

    1. Vabolo

      SNIKT TO THEM!

    2. timemonkey

      If Amber is the first hero in this story then it IS the Golden Age for them.

      1. Aizat

        Well, Amazi-Girl would fit right in with all the pulp heroes.

        1. Lukkai

          And pulp is probably what she’s about to turn these guys into.

    3. John

      Her real mistake is engaging them in conversation. It’s really awkward trying to move on to the ass-kicking phase of the encounter with a couple of guys you’ve just been chatting with. Should’ve just started with the hitting, and dropped some snappy one-liners afterwards.

      1. Andiemus

        Drop one and immediately drop out of sight, send the other running. Interrogate the one left behind. Leave for the authorities.

  18. Aizat

    You know, if I ever had the opportunity to meet a super heroine, I’d ask if she has the Most Common Superpower or not.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Why ask, her Most Common Superpower is hard to miss.

      1. Count Dracula

        If being stalked by a heroine of the night, taking time for a proper and thorough examination might result in all of the bones in your body being mysteriously broken. Probably safer to ask politely.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          I am pretty sure that asking the superheroine if those are real or not will also result in a beating.

        2. Aizat

          Well, if I was the bad guy, that would happen. But what if I’m just a voice?

        3. JustcallmeSoul

          all the bones? NOPE, just the FEMERS!

        4. John

          But you need your femurs to live.

        5. Jessie

          Heeheehee…this just brought back a flashback of that terror-face I found so hilarious the first time!

        6. Totz the Plaid

          Femurs? Nope. She’d probably just focus on your FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!

        7. JustcallmeSoul

          with her…

      2. Aizat

        OK, 2nd question, does her MCS kicked when she put on her costume or what?

        1. John

          Nah. Sal’s pretty stacked out-of-costume, too.

        2. JustcallmeSoul

          way to SPOIL THE ILLUSION john. JESUS.

  19. Geegles

    Did she just leap out of that tree???

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Will she walk away after this or will she be limping?

      1. Geegles

        Maybe she just walked up to them and then kinda jumped. Wouldn’t want her getting hurt. Then the bad guys would win

        1. Zababcd

          First shot is her point of view from the Amaze-mobile, which she brings to a sudden stop next to the evildoers, using the last tiny bit of forward momentum to fling herself over the windscreen of the vehicle (which has no appreciable roof) at a safe but dramatic speed so that she lands in front of them.

        2. Geegles

          And they somehow they aren’t terrified by this. Kudos to them.

      2. Josh

        Who stole all the shrimp from the wedding reception?

        Find out all this and more next episode!

      3. Anickel4u

        Two guys, night… 5.05 bigbreasted cutie, all alone… will she be liimping?… you may add “if you know what i mean”…. almost a nickel short for a perfect Penhouse Story…..

        1. JustcallmeSoul

          Dear Penthouse, JACKPOT.

        2. JustcallmeSoul

          OH! no wait, “Dear Penthouse, Found a nickel.”

  20. Leonou

    Be careful Amazi-Girl !
    Those punks have goatees, GOATEES ! That’s proof enough they’re true Evil and very dangerous. This is your first big mission !

    1. JustcallmeSoul

      goatees are proof of evil and danger? i like goatees…

    2. JA

      They look like hipsters. I say Amaz-Ti-er-Girl kick their asses.

  21. nexev

    Why didn’t she follow up her comment on the third panel with “It would make it all the faster to clean your clocks?” Or something like that.

    1. JustcallmeSoul

      because that would require one to not only be smooth, but also not insulted.

  22. Wonder Wig

    In that first panel it appears that R2D2 has fallen in with rough crowd.

  23. Notebooked

    Soon, Dynosaur is seen patrolling the area. She is probably unaffiliated with the existing campus superhero, since she mostly stands around looking awkward and offers dinosaur trivia to passersby.

    Seriously, though, they can’t have forgotten the name of Amazi-Grill.
    (The taggers are untagged? Does that mean we can name them? I’m naming the second one End — because, y’know, the sign — and the first one Horseface.)

  24. Zababcd

    In the coming battle, Amazi-girl destroys the hydrant to blast these vandals with water, thereby creating irony.

  25. AY

    this page is making me really nervous. i can’t even walk across campus at night, let alone tell two guys, both taller than me, to stop doing something illegal.

  26. bunivasal

    So, I tend to distrust superheroes because I consider them authoritarian dickbags. Amazi-girl is awesome, because she is COMPLETELY, 100% that. While it’s cool when she busts up some actual crimes (Danny getting assaulted, the surprisingly frequent muggings on a college campus in Indiana), it is HILARIOUS when she goes all Batman on guys that are performing minor misdemeanors.

    So I was coming up with derisive nicknames for Amazi-Girl, and I realized that nearly anything I came up with were really easy to pun on.

    “The Tattletale” “The TITtle Tale”
    “Hall Monitor” “BALLS monitor”
    “The Snitch” “The… Sna–“

  27. Raibean

    I’m glad to see Ultra-car in costume again.

  28. MrSmiley

    what?

  29. Jesse

    Slow night, I see.

  30. somename

    5 foot four is actually average for women. :/

    1. David

      In the US, I think it’s closer to 5’5″, a little higher than the worldwide average.

      (And Amazi-Girl likes to round up even when it’s not called for.)

      1. begbert2

        If she’s ~5’5″ hunched over, then those guys are 6’4″ if they’re an inch.

        Though there do seem to be a lot of exceptionally tall people in this universe.

        1. Andiemus

          She’s hunched over, but she’s not saying the top of her head is 5′
          4″ above the ground right this second. And she’s about up to their chins. I’d guess they’re about 5’9″-5’11”.

    2. JustcallmeSoul

      my GF is 5’4″ its THE perfect size impo. shes just short enough that i feel tall. and just tall enough that i dont have to kneel to kiss her xD

    3. Raen

      Average superheroine height is something like 5’10″…

  31. Della

    What is she doing to turn her voice blue?

    1. begbert2

      Channeling Christian Bale.

  32. Christina

    On a note that’s totally unrelated to the comic, Willis, how did you feel about the fact that Mike came in second for hottest guy?

    1. John

      Hey, poll’s not over yet, and as I write this, Mike is exactly one vote behind Jacob. Amber captured second place from Billie in the last day or two from further behind in the ladies’ poll. Mike may pull out a victory yet.

      1. Aydr

        tied right now.

        1. Kernanator

          And he’s pulled ahead.

  33. CPP

    How will Amazi-Girl fight these guys? Ripper mode? Use the spray against them? Contrived deus ex machina? Will the two guys win?

    1. begbert2

      I’m guessing body parts strewn over a wide area and Amazi-Girl and most of the terrain splashed with red, but then again maybe I be underestimating her irritation slightly.

  34. Ray

    Hey, it’s not the size of the hero, it’s how hard she clobbers you that counts.

    I’m surprised she took more exception to being called short than the disrespectful “Amazi-Tits” crack.

    1. Bill M.

      Of course she’s not angry at being called “Amazi-Tits” because she has amazing tits. Just look at them… gloriously showing off those curves through the several layers of fabric, enticing men and lesbians despite the fact she’s not showcasing them off with a boob window.

      1. James

        Boob windows are a great defense mechanism.
        The Real Power Girl even admitted that’s why she used one.

        1. bunivasal

          Well, the male writer for Power Girl admitted it using her as a mouthpiece, yeah.

  35. ridtom

    Vandals? Really Amazi-Girl? Why not go with “Halt Criminal Scum!” at least then you could have been mildly threatening.

    1. Lukkai

      But then she might catch an arrow to the knee, ending her adventuring days! 🙁

      1. James

        Please she’ll get her cape caught in a door while gangsters gun her down.

  36. Aaron Bourque

    . . . I don’t know if I should approve of Amazi-Tits or not.

  37. acoraz

    I mean, to be fair Willis, her tits are probably amazing.

    Someone with a slipshine account confirm this for me.

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