149

Market
Posted on May 16, 2015 by David M Willis

149 thoughts on “Market”

  1. Jen Aside

    so how much is in there from the whiteboard ding dong bandit

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Enough to pay for all the pizzas.

      1. Leorale

        I initially read this as paying for the pizzazz. Some of those ding-dongs were jazzy and vivacious. they were doing jizz-hands

        1. Leorale

          –jazz hands, I mean jazz hands. D:

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Not sure if that is better or worse. 😀

        3. Volkai

          Paying for the pizzaz is worse than paying for pizzas because it does not involve delicious pizza for you (or me) to eat.

        4. Gordon

          The ding dongs were doing jizz-hands.

          That’s less a Freudian slip than a Freudian dive.

        5. Kaoy

          It was beautiful one too. A flawless 900 flip with 1080 rotation, penetrating with almost no displacement; not a splash was seen and barely a ripple. It was so magnificent, one of the judges was moved to tears as he raised his 10.

          The judge was later quoted as, at that time, feeling an intense pang of regret for every other 10 he had ever given, because he was unable of giving Leorale a better score for the level of perfection he was previously unable to imagine.

        6. Screwball

          Meanwhile the next judge holds up their 10, only to put the 9 in front of it for added measure…

        7. AndieStardust

          There is at least one thread a week that causes my sides to hurt from hysterical laughter. This, this is one of them.

        8. Leorale

          You guys are the best.

        9. Rycan

          Sure you did.

  2. Architex

    Probably the tamest party in existence

    1. DarkoNeko

      You should see Amber’s.

      1. kinzvlle

        Amber has Amazi partys

      2. Architex

        I’d go to an Amber party

  3. Kris

    “Tampon” Geez Billie you kiss Ruth with that mouth?!

    1. Dr. Smart

      damn it you beat me to the joke!

    2. Jen Aside

      “No, but I did something with your mother with this one!”

      1. boomwolf

        And it only cost me a nickel.

        1. modernpython

          Not even all the ice on the maple leaves hockey rink is enough for that burn.

    3. Kennerly

      She pulls Ruth’s tampons out with that mouth.

      1. Willoughby Chase

        Strawberry dip!

  4. madock345

    Ruth makes my heart hurt 🙁

  5. Dr. Smart

    Tampon! there I said it and I don’t feel bad at all!… well… okay maybe that was a little harsh… I’m sorry!… okay I’ll go wash my mouth out with soap…

    1. Animal

      What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody! Fuck, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck!

      1. chisci

        Gasp!

  6. Archivist

    The switch from transparent to solid background in panels five and six makes it seem like her declaration is being punctuated by a flag appearing behind her.

    1. Mr Ak

      The Maple Leafs proudly support Billie attending Joyce’s party.

    2. modernpython

      “I can’t always be keeping you here.”

      Ohhhhhhhhh Canada!
      My home and native laaaaaand!

      1. Leorale

        She just wants to keep Billie glorious and free.

        1. DarkoNeko

          She just want to be left alone ;_;

    3. Kernanator

      CANADA!

      1. Gamaran Sepudomyn

        Probably the only country with a strategic maple syrup reserve.

  7. Plasma Mongoose

    There will also be nickels from Mike since he’s a walking motherfucker even without saying so.

    1. JessWitt

      He must make baristas and homeless people very happy.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Only if they have swear jars. ^_^

        1. Gangler

          Life Hack!

  8. dailybrad

    That last panel makes me laugh a lot harder than I expected

  9. Twilightomens

    Billie said the wrong thiiiiing
    Oh nooooes

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      You fucked up, you fucked up, you fucked up

    2. Jackson

      I wouldn’t worry. “The wrong thing” constitutes at least half of what comes out of Billie’s mouth, and she seems to be doing okay so far.

      1. Jackson

        …oh no. I just realized Billie is buying a ticket for the Disaster Lottery every time she opens her mouth.

  10. Dr. Smart

    I hope mike doesn’t get a hold of that quarter, he could fuck like 5 moms!

  11. JessWitt

    It amazes me that menstruation is still misunderstood in this day and age.

    1. Bill

      What, exactly, is misunderstood about it?

      1. saltchocolate

        It’s the idea that something associated with women’s blood is going to be “dirty” (hence, a swear word).

        1. John

          It’s not the blood, it’s that it goes in that downstairs area that Joyce doesn’t want to think or talk about or even admit that she has because it’s associated with sex. I’m pretty sure even Joyce wouldn’t make you put money in the Swear Jar for saying “band-aid”. (Though Johnson & Johnson might make you put money in their Genericizing Our Trademark Jar.) This says some pretty awful things about Joyce’s upbringing and mental state, but I don’t think misunderstanding menstruation is it, exactly.

          Y’know, it wouldn’t surprise me at all to find out that Joyce uses pads, because she thinks that putting even a tampon in there is going to get added to her sexual shame reel for her entrance interview in Heaven.

  12. boomwolf

    “And everybody please, watch your gosh darned language!” Tony Stark, 2015.

    1. Screwball

      “Language…” Captain America, 2015… 😛

      1. la6ue mous snow angel

        SPOILERS

  13. advancecasette

    aw jeez. wish billie hadn’t let that slip out

    1. Rowen Morland

      At least she didn’t let it slip in.

  14. Plasma Mongoose

    Le Tampon is also an actual place, there is even The church of Le Tampon where all the sins are wiped away just by saying “Hail Bloody Mary”.

    1. tim gueguen

      Interesting to compare that to Dildo, Newfoundland.
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dildo,_Newfoundland_and_Labrador

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I wonder if it will allow you easier access to Climax Georgia?

        1. tim gueguen

          Perhaps to Climax, Saskatchewan, which is a considerable way from Love, Saskatchewan.
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climax,_Saskatchewan
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love,_Saskatchewan

        2. Jen Aside

          When are we getting to good old Fucking?
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria

        3. Bill

          Or Intercourse.
          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intercourse,_Pennsylvania
          Although people who refer to having sex as “intercourse” probably wouldn’t be caught dead doing it with people who call it “fucking”.

        4. Opus the Poet

          And some of us will gladly associate with either or both. Because no matter what you call it it’s still all good.

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          On the other hand, the townsfolk of Ramsbottom are much more fond of the ‘rear-door action’ if you catch my drift.

        6. DarkoNeko

          You people are all going to Hell (Michigan)

        7. Caleb A

          Michigan where you can go from climax to paradise and then to hell. also where hell freezes over every year

  15. KingMabel

    Is ‘willy’ worth a quarter?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Nah, just a dime at most, cock is worth a quarter.

    2. tim gueguen

      Where’s Willy only works with paper currency.
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where%27s_Willy%3F

  16. ChocolateRat

    This comic makes me wonder if their relationship will go wrong faster than I thought. Billie letting that slip seems like something Ruth will pretend didn’t hurt her too much now, but might have hurt her more than she shows, and I think Ruth doesn’t need to many moments like that in order to give up.

    1. Viktoria

      Eh, it could be a problem if Billie’s first comment was serious. I viewed it as more a gut reaction. She hasn’t been dating for long enough to remember that the presence of cute boys is no longer relevant to her life.

      (But it could easily go either way, I admit)

      1. MeghanTheWorldEater

        I’m sure Billie wasn’t serious but the real question is if Ruth knows.
        When you’re as depressed as she is it’s not that hard to blow something like that way out of proportion.

        1. TheZachariah

          Well, she let it slip. The big question is if at a party she’ll slip back into that again…

        2. Screwball

          *Insert obvious “Don’t you mean let it slip back in” joke here…*

          *Open 1 serving canned laughter…*

        3. DarkoNeko

          From the get go, Ruth’s take on this relationship is that she’s holding Billie back. She can’t let go of the mindset.

  17. brumagem

    NOT related to today’s strip, but it just occurred to me: would Ethan be jealous or resenting of Danny once he finds out Dan’s bisexual? Would Ethan’s feeling turn to something like “Dammit why do you get to choose and I don’t!?”

    1. boomwolf

      I dunno. Ethan seems like a pretty chill dude. Then again, it’s always the quiet ones. At most, I feel there’d be some level of resentment, though I think Ethan would do his best to be cool about it.

    2. Gordon

      I dunno… I don’t feel like this will ever become an issue? Like, as things stand now, the Danny/Amber/Ethan situation is doomed to crash and burn pretty quickly.

      Inevitably, Danny is either going to accidentally cheat on Amber with Ethan and he’ll confess or she’ll catch them, or that he will tell Amber about his newly realized bisexual leanings and she won’t be able to deal with a second boyfriend coming out of the closet. Ethan will choose Amber over whatever tension he has with Danny. Either way, sad times for everyone for awhile.

      1. Leorale

        I really don’t think that Danny’s got it in him to be a cheater. Dude loves his (serial) monogamy. Plus there’s the whole false stereotype of bisexuals as cheaters that I rather think Willis would avoid.

        Before establishing that he’s bi, Danny was already thoroughly established as centrally loyal and devoted and monogamous to a fault. It’s one of the many reasons I love that Danny was the choice for the Great Bisexual Retconning.

        1. Gordon

          I agree with your characterization of Danny.

          Well, I was imagining something more like what already happened once. Where Ethan tackled Danny and landed on top of him. I think Ethan needs only a little push(such as the feeling that Danny appreciates the attention or some such) to make him act on the impulse to kiss him. Nothing Danny purposely instigates or encourages. An impulsive act on the part of another that he will confess to Amber out of guilt.

      2. timemonkey

        Amber’s crazy will end the relationship long before Danny ever cheats.

        1. Gordon

          I feel like Amber’s crazy is a little too scary for Danny to end the relationship. She’ll have to be the one who ends it, and that will only come if there’s a reason.

        2. Lord Stoneheart

          I’m willing to bet that Amber will be the one to end the relationship, but I wouldn’t bet on it being because of possible cheating on Danny’s part. Amazi Girl is Amber’s preferred persona right? I think something bad will happen, and that something will make Amber think she can’t be Amazi Girl anymore. And part of shedding that persona will be dumping Danny.

    3. Gordon

      But then I’m a pessimist, so…

    4. Sam

      I think it would depend exactly on Danny’s actions.

      If he decided to still date Amber then yeah, I can see some jealousy and resentment on Ethan’s part because he wasn’t able to keep doing that after realising his true sexuality.

      If he decided to date Ethan, I’m sure it wouldn’t matter quite as much to him because his ability to be sexually attracted to both would have actually played in Ethan’s favour.

      We’ll see when the time comes.

  18. Viktoria

    Okay, Joyce party, yes. But attended by Roz, Mike, and Billie. I can see it becoming something Ruth would want to know about.

    1. Screwball

      Should I be setting up the blackmail-cams- I mean fun time recording cameras… >_> <__>

    2. Captain Batson

      Pretty sure Mike won’t actually be attending, given his reaction to the conditions of his invitation.

  19. MrZombieScordo

    ah crapplesauce. that must really be hurting Ruth. That would sure put me in the dumps and I’m not already depressed. The way her face squares up like that also really makes the situation seem more pronounced. Like it’s very visible when she is upset.

  20. Jazz Hands

    Open mouth. Insert foot.

    1. Screwball

      Repeat as unnecessary…

  21. meow

    🙁 Aw Ruth. Why you feeling so sad? 🙁

    1. timemonkey

      Because she’s an alcoholic with depression.

  22. Ry

    Billie you fucking idiot. You stupid piece… you have a simpatico girlfriend who’s given you mind-blowing orgasms on multiple occasions sitting 6 inches away from you, and you’re complaining about a lack of people to screw.

    Ruth deserves WAY better than this blithering idiot.

    1. tim gueguen

      Billie definitely isn’t the best person for Ruth right now. She’s too self absorbed at this point, and likely will stay that way for a long time to come. Ruth’s problems are pretty obviously more severe, but I also get the impression she might get past them easier than Billie will get past hers, if conditions are right. But that’s a pretty big might, as right now a giant crash and burn seems far more likely.

      1. Captain Batson

        Neither of the two is good for the other. In fact, I’m pretty sure Ruth herself described their relationship as a “sexy lesbian suicide pact”.

  23. Professor Fate

    Well, if ‘tampon’ is worth a quarter, then ‘fuck’ is easily worth a dollar. Speaking of ‘fuck’, you just did with that remark, Billie. As in ‘up’ I mean. Poor Ruth is insecure enough as it is. Now she’ll think you prefer tube steak to bearded clams.

    1. John

      Even “damn” is worth more than $20.

  24. leadsynth

    I would think the t-word would be “tits.” Just saying.

    1. Screwball

      Maybe that would be the t-t word instead?

      1. Captain Batson

        I see what you did there.

    2. Someone

      Tit can’t be a bad word, its just a type of bird

  25. Rutee

    Billie, you idiot.

  26. theheroesofcrash

    The highlight of a Joyce party: Spin-the-Bottle, except instead of kissing, you need to say something nice about the other person.

    1. DarkoNeko

      Mike would so win at this. Too bad he’s not attending.

      1. DarkoNeko

        Oh, wait, no alcohol anyway.

        1. John

          Sober Mike would be the best at that game. How many rounds of things that are technically complimentary but the target doesn’t want to hear, or doesn’t want others at the party to hear, do you think they’d have to go through before no one there would ever play that game again?

          (Say what you want about Mike, but stopping that kind of game is a service to humanity.)

    2. Nono

      Joyce and Hannelore have similar taste in party games, then?

      1. tim gueguen

        Joyce and Hanners meeting would be bizarre.

        1. DarkoNeko

          I imagine Hanners would throw a fit at the mention of creationism.

    3. Stranger

      Just reading that made me want to drop out of a fictional college just to get away from that party

  27. Bagge

    Language!

    1. Jen Aside

      Is no one going to comment that Bagge just said “language”?

      1. Reaver

        You kiss your momma with that mouth?

        1. DarkoNeko

          No, but Mike does.

      2. fogel

        Really! There are hardly any movies today that dont carry a warning because they contain “language”. Its shocking how much people talk in movies. There should be more movies about mimes.

        1. Rich

          Talkies ruined everything.

  28. Em

    Damn Billie that was harsh as fuck. Are you mad at Ruth or something? Why would you say that to your girlfriend? …She IS your girlfriend, right? Not just a fwb?

    1. Rutee

      Because she’s an idiot.

    2. timemonkey

      At what point did you think Billie made good decisions?

    3. setsun

      They’re not FWB, they’re in an alcoholic bisexual suicide pact.

  29. Screwball

    *Keeps reloading previous page to see when latest 1 shows up.*

    *Repeats reload several times, usually around the 30 minute marks.*

    *2 hours after expecting new page to load, tries using RSS feed link. discovers page has been up for a while & already has 65 comments…*

    🙁 😛

  30. Torra

    Ahh ouch, that’s a slip up that’s gonna come back to haunt her.

  31. Doom Shepherd

    Way to stick your foot in it, Billie.

  32. Charles Phipps

    The problem is you can’t be a nurse and a girlfriend. Ruth, seek professional help, don’t try and put that off on your date.

  33. Arianod

    A “sear jar”?

    Is that, like… a thing? An actual one?

    1. Arianod

      swear*

      1. DarkoNeko

        It’s a common gag in comics, if anything. Can’t say I ever saw one in real life. Maybe it’s US-specific ?

        1. hikaru

          i dont know if its us specific or not but i know its usually for little kids

          my family didnt personally have one but i think some of my friends did

      2. Trolldrool

        When I watched season 1 of Game of Thrones at a friend’s house, his mom came into the room with a swear jar after the scene with Melisandre in the sewer. The one with the shadow aberration. Needless to say, my friend went; “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” etc etc, you get the picture.

        I don’t remember how much money he had to put on it.

  34. Cheryl

    I prefer vaginal flood stopper……no just me?

    1. AtomsOrSystems

      Or you could just go with “Moses.”

      1. fogel

        To part the Red Sea?

  35. Ruthful

    Gosh, I feel so bad for Ruth. She’s my favorite character but Willis seems to delight in tormenting her, both in walkyverse and this one. Even this relationship… of course everyone knows it’s a rocky relationship that isn’t likely to go to good places, but it’s always Billie hurting Ruth, not the other way around.

    1. Opus the Poet

      Well in the Walkyverse he didn’t so much torture her as “kill her with a truck”. I have to say that’s not a bad way to go if it’s quick. Now getting killed with a truck and then waking up a few minutes later, that fucking hurts like a mother.

  36. showler

    I like to think that panel four is her political opinion.

    1. Seerow

      She’s toeing the party line.

  37. Deanatay

    Uvula!
    Masticate!
    Meniscus!

    (Joyce would kick me out for my dirty science mouth.)

    1. la6ue mous snow angel

      I’m guessing uvula is supposed to resemble “vulva”; what’s “meniscus” supposed to resemble other than the little curved bubble of water?

  38. Bantha

    I forsee a DAMN YOU WILLIS moment upcoming….Billie goes to the party, discovers Becky is living there….tells Ruth…DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN

    1. timemonkey

      And Ruth will procede to…..not care.

    2. tim gueguen

      And then Ruth surprises everyone in and out of comic by figuring out a way to hide Becky, or finding her someplace to stay nearby. After all she knows what it’s like to lose your family and lose your home.

      1. chisci

        and having your only familiar alternative be an abusive jerk

        tho if this is what happens i’ll fuckin tattoo a maple leaf on my right buttcheek as appreciation of her Canadian Problem Solving skills, that’s like beyond a best case scenario but it could happen

  39. Animal

    <— Having flashbacks to George Carlin's Seven Words You Can't Say on the Radio: "Shit, Fuck, Cock, conga, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and… Tits."

    (Seriously? Tits?)

    1. JBento

      Tvtropes says it better than I ever could: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ArsonMurderAndJaywalking

  40. Kraken

    The 2nd panel is a shitty thing for Billie to say. However, I can’t help but realize that she’s relied on men’s attraction to her as a big source of self-esteem as she’s floundered at the University. Her failing to get that reaction out of Joe was one factor that lead to her heartfelt plea to Ruth that lead to a kiss. It honestly does feel like a default reaction for her to have. She should still try to curb that while she’s in a relationship, though…

    On the other hand I was surprised that Billie never actually tried to quit booze for Ruth, so what the hell do I know.

  41. Nick Wright

    Just from a purely technical viewpoint, this comic is seven panels and it doesn’t feel cramped. That’s some expert-level shit. Well done!

  42. Saaaam

    Please go to the counseling center you two.

  43. Tenn

    Plot twist: the one who said “tampon” is Joyce.

  44. Stranger

    A party with no booze isnt a party at all, thats just being in a room full of people you dont even like enough to hang out with normally. A party WITH booze is still that, but the booze makes them interesting enough to make the whole experience worth the bother.

  45. Juliacool82

    Omg it took me a couple of months but, I actually caught up.

  46. Juliacool82

    Cool my avatar is walky!

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