273

Prepaid
Posted on April 13, 2016 by David M Willis

273 thoughts on “Prepaid”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    wait, set the MONEY on fire, or

    1. Hawke

      sssshhhhh question it not

    2. Nemirthel

      The skull. Definitely the skull.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Because flaming skulls are awesome.

        See also: Ghost Rider

        1. Rukduk

          The comics, not the movies. Never the movies.

        2. Prinnyramza

          “But the trailer for the second one had Nicolas Cage peeing naplam. It is a work of genius.”
          – Said no one ever.

        3. Deathjavu

          Everything with Nicholas Cage is a work of genius.

          Mad genius is still a type of genius.

          (but mostly he just makes a shitload of movies because he’s in massive amounts of IRS debt for tax evasion!)

        4. Dean

          One day, Nicolas Cage will be acknowledged as the genius he is!

          Y’know, just not for his movies.

        5. Daibhid C

          And also because if anyone says “superhero” to him, he says “Don’t bother showing me the script, I’m in!”

          Dude named his son Kal-El. He’d probably appear in a Legion of Substitute Heroes film if anyone was daft enough to make one.

        6. Lurlock

          The man WAS actually cast to play Superman. It is both a blessing and a tragedy that movie was never finished…

        7. Freemage

          Wait, wait…

          Okay, I’m getting a brainstorm. Or maybe constipation. Either way, it gave me this idea:

          It would be Nick Cage’s Dr. Strangelove, his Coming to America. Imagine: The Justice League, starring Nick Cage. In all seven founding-member roles. Yes, including Wonder Woman. ESPECIALLY Wonder Woman.

          I must now build a wormhole machine to find the alternate reality where this has already happened.

        8. SgtWadeyWilson

          I would watch a Subs movie!

        9. Jon Rich

          Cage took the Ghost Rider role because he’s a massive fanboy.

          How massive are we talking?

          He has a Ghost Rider tattoo, which they had to cover up for the movie, for obvious reasons.

        10. Tacos

          The movies never happened. Those are uh… just a myth perpetuated by the… um… Illuminati. Or something >.>

        11. Silvester Crow

          Nah, the Illuminati couldn’t come up with such a conspiracy. It was obviously the U.S. Government.

        12. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          There’s a difference?

        13. DudeMyDadOwnsADealership

          Illuminati’s been defunct since before the Freemasons were formed, too.

        14. spriteless

          You know, people hate on those movies, but they don’t seem worse than any random b-movie, they just have a budget that barely makes b unacceptable without making it good enough for normal movies.

          What I’m saying is, they are more coherent than FutureWorld, or Wax World II, or THX3811. I NEED A NEW GEEK CULTURE OTHER PEOPLE MOVED IN AND CULTURED IT UP ALL WRONG!

        15. begbert2

          The first movie was great, the second movie was fine (as long a you didn’t expect it to have the same lighthearted tone as the first movie.)

          Anybody who disagrees with me has lost the ability to enjoy entertaining things. (This goes without saying when it comes to movie critics, of course.)

        16. Dark

          I loved the first movie. And to this day, I pretend the second movie didn’t happen.

        17. PrincessPoeDameron

          …..I like the movies

        18. Bicycle Bill

          Or this other Hiveworks comic.

        19. Falling Star

          Love it, been reading it forever.

    3. Bom Tombadil

      Yes.

    4. Vagabond J

      Either way, it’ll be so fire.

      1. Freemage

        Is fire the opposite of babies, then?

    5. Lan

      Set the fire on fire duh.

      1. Tacos

        And THEN set that fire on fire also.

    6. Ana Chronistic

      also, that’s the worst box-to-contents ratio, EVAR

      even worse than this

      1. Betty Anne

        She must work for Amazon.com. :p

  2. Nicster216

    Nice to know Walky plans ahead

  3. Nono

    ‘When we break up’

    Oh right there’s our potential drama for this couple this storyline.

    1. Regalli

      Well and also, you pretty much HAVE to follow up the “marital verse human skull” thing with a “I promise I am not actually as creepily invested in this as that last sentence suggested,” even if it’s obviously joking,

      1. Leorale

        He’s differentiating himself from Creepy Premature Commitment Mom and establishing that he knows the deal that she’s going to Yale.

        1. Bagge

          +1

          And he phrased it as a joke because he is Walky.

        2. Clif

          Best boyfriend ever.

        3. Regalli

          PRECISELY!

    2. Joe

      Wasn’t this relationship initially built on the idea that they were both okay with it not lasting forever?

  4. Regalli

    … That is. Um. Impressive, Mother Wilcox.

    Yeah, um. The Danny breakup was pretty much inevitable around THAT point of creepitude. That or a full estrangement. Damn.

    1. -Sentinel-

      Was it Danny at the time? I think Dorothy mentioned at least one other boyfriend.

      1. -Sentinel-

        Oh wait no, she said that other boyfriend was in middle school. Tyler, the guy’s name was.

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/02-guess-whos-coming-to-galassos/tyler/

        1. Disloyal Subject

          Well dang, I just spent 20 minutes paging through tag/dorothy+joyce looking for that without cause.
          Yeah, considering that middle school generally terminates couple years before age 16 and highschool graduation is a couple years after, plus her phrasing when she mentions past boyfriends, it’s plausible she’s had more boyfriends than Tyler and Danny.

        2. DudeMyDadOwnsADealership

          Or trying to be deferential about the Wilcoxes. Using the correct quantity would kind of out them as the culprits, and that would be…..Wrong of her…Right?

        3. Larkle

          Ooh, thanks for linking that, I’d completely forgotten about it.

        4. Dara

          yeeeeeeeeeeeeeek I had blocked _that_ out pretty well

          thanks

        5. -Sentinel-

          You’re welcome! 😀

      2. DudeMyDadOwnsADealership

        We’ve been given subtext that Danny’s codependent crap is kind of a apple-not-far-from-tree thing.
        It’s *possible* there are other middle class parents who believe the best way for their son to get ahead in the world is to ride the coattails of a high school girlfriend based on her ‘overachiever’ persona, buuuuut….

    2. Viktoria

      Was that even Mama Wilcox? I mean, 16 would have been 2 years pre-comic, and she says “boyfriends” in a way that suggests she’s had several, so being with Danny for 2+ years, though not impossible, seems unlikely. I suspect she broke up with that dude, got with Danny soon after, and didn’t have an exit strategy from that.

      1. Lord Stoneheart

        I think it was stated that the relationship lasted three years?

        1. Tan

          Confirmed, 3 years

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2010/comic/book-1/03-men-are-from-beck-women-are-from-clark/piece/

        2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Supported by the two years it took Danny to get into her pants.

      2. Skizz

        It’s University, we are over seemed like a fair enough exot strategy.

      3. thejeff

        And frankly, it just sounds like Mama Wilcox.
        “Danny’s never going to amount to anything, but he’s somehow got this awesome girlfriend. Get them married right away so he doesn’t lose her.”

        1. Enkai

          And Mrs. Wilcox has called Dorothy a “treasure” before. http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/wilcoxes/

        2. Regalli

          Yeah, while there could be OTHER creepily-invested parents in that community, Occam’s Razor suggests the Wilcoxen because man oh day, they have issues that coalesce with that PERFECTLY.

  5. Mr. Mendo

    And they say commitment is dead. 😉

    1. Doctor_Who

      Dead and on fire.

      1. Mr. Mendo

        But from that fire it shall rise, like a majestic phoenix!

        1. ozzi

          Of flaming skulls

  6. Architex

    Dorothy is popular with mothers because she is a mother for herself, like twice according to her.

  7. Svata

    Why did that need a box? why not an envelope?

    1. Dave Van Domelen

      Trust me, an envelope stuck into a box full of smaller boxes will run a serious risk of being thrown out with the packing materials.

    2. Rowen Morland

      It added nicely to the slight on Sal.

      1. WubLub

        Just wait until we found out she’d sent Sal the family jewels and a money-card for a motorcycle shop.

        I mean, that’s probably not going to happen. But it would be nice…

  8. Dana

    Um…

  9. cesium133

    Is she talking about Danny’s mother?

    1. Leorale

      Yep. Mrs. Wilcox is creepy into commitment, apparently!

      1. Vagabond J

        Wouldn’t really blame her, though. I had a similar experience… that and she’s the mother of Danny.

  10. Cheshrin

    Wait, sixteen? So she would have been dating…

    …

    Mrs. Wilcox, what the fuck?

    1. Vagabond J

      Well, it IS Danny’s family, after all.

      1. Cthulhu's Intern

        Danning things up must run in the family.

        1. Anorak

          Can we change it to Coxing it up?

        2. Tacos

          A “Cox up” perhaps?

        3. John

          Yeah, one thing you can say about that family: Anything they can cock up, they Wilcox up.

  11. John

    Yeaaaaaaahhhhhh….

    That was Sharon Wilcox, wasn’t it.

    (Dorothy not mentioning: The box of kleenex she got from Tyler’s mom.)

    1. Showler

      Requesting that “dannying it up” be renamed “sharoning it up” since it is apparently a learned behaviour.

  12. Yotomoe

    That’s what Walky will say once Dottie starts bringing in the big bucks. It’ll be worth the night on the couch.

    1. Bagge

      The lobbyists who try to get to Dorothy through Walky will be so confused.

      1. Dean

        “Walky, why am I always finding paperwork about McNugget subsidies on my desk?”

  13. Cattleprod

    Is he going to set the card on fire, or the skull purchased with the card?

    1. Doctor_Who

      Yes.

  14. nothri

    This….wasn’t Danny’s mom….right? This had to be someone pre-Danny. I don’t recall Danny’s mom being that judgmental. Of anyone besides Danny, anyway.

    1. Aubrey

      I don’t think it’s supposed to be taken as his mom being judgmental, but rather his mom really really liked Dorothy and wanted her and Danny to be together forever or whatever. Because Dorothy is smart and ambitious and a catch.

      Which is creepy and weird, but I don’t think it was a judgmental thing.

    2. Tan

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/wilcoxes/

      She does in fact refer to her as a “treasure”. Also the previous strip, the dad is referring to following Dorothy to college as a smart move. Also upon meeting Amber, she (quietly) called her a brunette Dorothy and declared she was fine with it.

      Danny’s parents were pretty clearly as or more invested than Danny in Danny and Dorothy working out. “Marry my son! Please!” sounds about right.

  15. Just Me

    Why would Walky’s mom be giving Dorothy money? And we still don’t know what was in Sal’s little box, do we?

    1. Nono

      This is the woman who got Dorothy and her parents VIP tickets to a football game and then dinner plans.

      Heavent hath no giver like a woman who wants grandbabies.

    2. Schpoonman

      So she can buy Walky more shirts and whatnot.

      1. Maveric1984

        That’s what I was thinking. Dotty gets Walky to dress like a respectable person rather than a feral ghoul. Of course his mother is going to give her money to buy more clothing.

        1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Now he dresses like a domesticated ghoul?

        2. thejeff

          I played ghoul once in a Call of Cthulhu game – character was captured by ghouls and converted. Came back later in a cameo role in a later game. He already had a phobia about dirt and mess, so he was the cleanest, neatest ghoul you could imagine. Nice clean crypt under King’s Chapel in Boston.

          Sure, he ate well-dead corpses, but he cleaned up nice afterwards.

    3. inqntrol

      Maybe it is also a prepaid card?

    4. Vagabond J

      Well, if we’re gonna keep the condom thing running, then condoms.

      She got lodsamonee, who cares?

    5. John

      Jason. So it can’t be all that little.

      Seriously, my money’s still on “coupon redeemable for one hair-straightening at the local salon”.

      1. Leorale

        A money gift is also suitable since she doesn’t seem to know “Sally” all that well.

    6. licoricepencil

      I’ve gotten a prepaid card from my boyfriend’s mom before. It’s normally accompanied with a nice note saying, “Go get a nice dinner instead of dorm food on me!” or “Have fun at a movie!”

      It’s a nice gesture that helps with having fun off campus when all of your money goes to textbooks.

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        It also allows you to splurge on yourself as you’d like to instead of being a responsible adult and paying off bills. Bah. I mean, don’t get me wrong, paying off bills is great; but it’s no fun spending birthday money to do it.

  16. Archivist

    Their banter brings joy to my soul.

  17. Rukduk

    So that’s where Danny got the clingy romance obsession from.

    1. Disloyal Subject

      Hey, we saw his parents’ reaction when they heard he and Dorothy were no longer an item. If they judged his worth by his romantic relationships, it’s no wonder he came to do the same.

      1. Some1

        I wonder if Danny was afraid to break up with Dorothy because of his mom?

        1. Gordon

          Danny clearly didn’t want to break up at any point. He believed he and Dorothy were going to be together forever. That he hadn’t ever consulted Dorothy about that idea was a big part of why it stung so much.

          Though, I imagine if your parents are super in to reinforcing the idea that “the only good thing about me is that I somehow tricked an awesome girl into liking me” it does do a number on your ability to examine your relationships. Especially if they never have anything good to say about you, you know…ever.

  18. Achallenger

    where did she learn to pack, amazon HQ?

    1. Doctor_Who

      She’d have found a way to get that gift card into three different boxes and have them arrive on separate days if that was the case.

  19. nobodybasically

    Dorothy should buy chicken fingers for everyone.

  20. Baronbrian

    Am I the only one who hears Professor Farnsworth voice for her last line?

  21. chris73

    Well Dorothy I’d suggest giving money to someone you barely know would make an appearance on the creepy meter maybe not to the extent of the previous gift but still…

    1. Injury Man

      I dunno, a mother giving a gift to her son’s first(?) girlfriend when she’s sending a bunch of stuff to the college anyway seems like a pretty normal thing. And like you said, she barely knows her, so wouldn’t it be way creepier if it wasn’t a giftcard or pre-paid visa or something? It would creep me out way more if it was a personalized gift that was exactly what Dorothy wanted when they barely met like one time.

      1. Mr Evildoom

        Yeah, it was a care package to a fairly large group, so throwing in a little thing for Dotty makes plenty of sense. And any college student could use cash, or a prepaid card, cash’s slightly more respectable older brother.

  22. Bemmie

    By the time I had Girlfriends my mother was into porcelain.

    A couple of months in to any relationship she would make a porcelain doll in the likeness of my current girlfriend…

    …I don’t know how I ever stayed with a girl long enough to get married…

    1. Leorale

      Woah, that’s spooky, and just asking for a scene in the Glass Menagerie.

    2. MM

      She didn’t ask your wife for a lock of hair at some point, did she?

      1. Spencer

        imayhaveunderstoodthatreference.gif

    3. Bagge

      “Look, Bemmie, I made you a BETTER girlfriend”

      (with my apologizes to your mother, but it WAS a creepy gift.)

    4. Jhon

      So you had a … collection … of ex-girlfriend dolls? Er…
      How many?

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Didn’t I see that in an anime somewhere?

      2. Bemmie

        Ex-girlfriends were either given as gifts or sold at local markets.

        At our wedding my wife and I were presented with a “matching pair”

        she has not yet made specific dolls for our children but she already has dozens of porcelain babies anyway….

        you kind of get used to it but it is never not creepy…

  23. miados

    attach it to a metal handle and make a flaming marital scripture skull mace!

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      +3 against divorced people?

      1. No Name

        +5 against serial divorcé(e)s!

        1. Gamaran Sepudomyn

          +2 against squeamish people, too. And it stacks with the divorce bonus!

  24. Russ

    Money is better than store-bought cookies, because you can turn it INTO cookies if you want. Unfortunately, I have a feeling Sal didnt get money since Dorothy did.

  25. JessWitt

    It appears this comment board is going to bring out all the pyromaniacs.

    1. Leorale

      We were here all along. Haha! Haha! Ahahahahaha!

    2. Tom T.

      Some people just want to watch the world burn.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        Watching a fire is good. Lighting it is better.

        1. Clif

          Can you see Walky setting the world on fire?

        2. inqntrol

          He was just playing with matches…but everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

  26. Rukduk

    Also, I really can’t think of a more metal way of breaking up with someone than throwing a flaming skull at them.

    1. Vex Godglove

      I can’t think of a more metal way to start a relationship than throwing a flaming skull at them.

      1. Gamaran Sepudomyn

        Thank you for putting the image of Monkey Master’s face melting off of his internals, Terminator style, in my mind.

  27. Ellie

    You’d think she’d’ve sent her son the money and the cookies to the girlfriend. But then again it is Walky and Dorothy… well played Walkerton-san.

    Still creepy as a fudge, though. My boyfriend’s mother didn’t send me anything until like a year in and it was a coffee mug #i’mjustsayin’ #dannysmumtoo

  28. sun tzu

    Just in case we had forgotten that Danny’s parents were total shits.

    1. Random832

      Eh, I don’t think anyone’s parents are total shits. Except ToeDad and Blaine.

      1. Spencer

        They’re still pretty shitty. Not to the ranks of Blaine and Toedad, but otherwise we still have:

        The Wilcoxen basing their son’s worth on his ability to find a partner.

        The Walkertons neglecting their daughter.

        The Billingsworths not showing up at all.

        The Siegals emotionally abusing their son because of his sexuality.

        1. John

          The Browns passive-aggressively praying at Joyce because she dared to associate with the wrong kind of person. (And yeah everyone loves Hank now so I guess the way to get credit for maybe reluctantly meeting the minimum possible standards of being a decent human being is to be a complete shithead first.)

          Stacey (is she “O’Malley” still?) ditching Amber to go bang Dr. Dick in a closet or whatever.

          Dr. Rosenthal harassing college girls and… well, Joe probably didn’t really give a damn that his dad ditched him to go bang Stacey. He probably took the opportunity to get a cheerleader into the next closet.

          The Lessicks being dead. (And Grandpa Lessick seems to be a dickhole, too.)

          The only decent parents we’ve seen have been Dorothy’s, Sierra’s, Dina’s, and Mike’s. And I’m not too sure about Mike’s.

          Oh, and Big Boss seems like a decent enough dad to Tony, I guess.

        2. Jason

          You’re not the first commenter I’ve seen who didn’t want to see Hank as a decent father because of his prior actions, etc. But I think there are two things we need to remember.
          Firstly, Hank believed what he was doing was right.
          Secondly, when his daughter questioned that rightness, he questioned his ENTIRE BELIEF SYSTEM, which may have been with him for his whole life (it’s been at least about 30+ years, looking at John), and which his life has been built around. He took a long, hard look at it, found it wanting, and decided to be better- even when it went against everything he thought he knew, he was going to be quiet and patient and try to say what was right or say nothing at all.
          That takes IMMENSE strength, determination, and dedication. The majority of us couldn’t do that. He did- because of Joyce. And that, in my opinion, is nothing short of amazing.
          It doesn’t undo the massive mistakes of his past- but the fact that he seems to be acknowledging them, instead of continuing to hide from them, is something we all could learn from.

          As for Amber’s mother, who presumably has been abused and treated very poorly- taking an hour or two for some self love hardly makes her a bad parent- and she did let Amber know she would be late. Parents have to be able to look after themselves if they’re going to be able to look after their children.

  29. Jacques Cornelius Parrot III

    Of course Walky really justs wants an excuse to throw more things at Dorothy.

    1. MM

      Hey, if it won her over once, no harm in trying one last-ditch reconciliation effort, right?

      1. Bagge

        Walky is not known to change a winning concept.

    2. Tacos

      Who ever needs an excuse to throw flaming skulls?

      1. inqntrol

        Or throw fire while playing a guitar?

  30. a4lbi

    The “when.”

    …aww.

    1. Architex

      I bring a sign from the future!
      I think their outlook is good.

    2. Emma

      Well, their relationship did come with an expiration date. They’ve already established that this is a short term, just for fun relationship.

  31. Insquamous

    i cant believe that it’s 4/13 and dumbing of age has finally ended

    1. Arian

      LOL, you’re talking about the wrong excellent work of graphic literature there. But yes, Act 7 of Homestuck is up.

    2. Raen

      I haven’t been able to sleep tonight – it just keeps hitting me, “holy shit, it’s actually over.”

      …though to be honest, it’s got that sort of Avalon-esque “thank the gods it’s finally over” feel to it. I’m not sure whether I’m glad or not I didn’t get around to watching [S] Collide until yesterday evening.

  32. caesaria82

    These two make me so happy. I say this every time, but it’s true every time. They’re so cute. I love them both.

    1. Bagge

      YES! they have such a great interaction and little lovable moments. And the fact that they really can’t keep their hands from each other.

  33. Lord Stoneheart

    Yeah, so I’m pretty certain that the mom Dorothy is referring to is Sharon Wilcox, judging from the line here: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/wilcoxes/

  34. Stephen R. Bierce

    *plays Cheap Trick’s “The Flame” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Stephen R. Bierce

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muhFxXce6nA <- For your listening pleasure.

      1. Sunny

        Huh, I would’ve wagered a small amount of money that you’d go with The Doors’ “Light my Fire”.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMCl9eOBlsY

        1. Stephen R. Bierce

          Cheap Trick’s been in the news lately. For very good reason.

        2. KHNO

          to me it would have been “The Bees Made Honey in the Lion’s Skull” by Earth
          But my muzzak is as non-hacked as a Jerry Cornelius novel, so it may not contain the same titles…

        3. John

          I have, from a Time-Life folk music collection I got from my parents, The Doors’ “Light My Fire”… as covered by José Feliciano. It is literally the Muzak version of the the song. I laugh my ass off every time it comes up in the shuffle rotation.

  35. Eve

    ….way to be a creep mrs danny’s mom.

  36. Bagge

    The doting of dotty.

    To be fair, Dorothy, you ARE a treasure… but I think we just got another reason for the breakup with Danny.

  37. MemoBookworm

    If that WAS Danny’s mum I’m actually now a little impressed that Danny himself has turned out as alright as he has. And isn’t, you know, a serial killer or something.

    1. Bagge

      His parents are absolutely a big reason for his crappy self esteem – which in turn is the main source of his “Dannying”

      (his lousy luck is all on him though)

      1. WubLub

        I would say the lousy luck is all on fate. Or random circumstances. Or something.
        I’m just saying he PROBABLY can’t control his luck, otherwise he’d be living a good life right now.

      2. Cephalo the Pod

        “(his lousy luck is all on him though)”.

        This is 100% contradictory. Luck is inherently uncontrollable, if such a thing even exists.

        1. Bagge

          I know, I know, I just tried to make a rather lame joke, blaming him for something that obviously is not his fault. I’m actually quite fond of Danny – he plays a shitty hand pretty well, all things considering.

        2. Cephalo the Pod

          In retrospect, I have no idea why I took gou’re comment so seriously.

    2. Anorak

      We actually dont have proof of Danny’s serial killer status. Wouldn’t it be an interesting arc if amazi-girl had to fight the one guy she thought loved both halves of her?

      1. Mr Evildoom

        It was hinted that he would be “stopping her” Amazi-girl v son of the clinger, anybody?

  38. AgentKeen

    Don’t be the person that buys human remains. That’s a Bad Road.

  39. Kkiten

    Ok, but what did Sal get?

    1. Jacques Cornelius Parrot III

      Next comic, we see Sal getting a very personal and thoughtful gift… meant for Dorothy. The impersonal prepaid card was for Sal.
      Seriously though, that would be messed up

      1. kkiten

        Honestly, I don’t think Ms.Walkerton loves Sal enough to give her money, which is more messed up.

    2. Pinja

      “How not to be a terrible daughter” by Dr Guiltrip

      1. Spencer

        “Why we love your brother more than you (and why it’s your fault)” by Linda Walkerton

        1. Gamaran Sepudomyn

          “How to succumb to emotional blackmail” by F. Roy. Dean Schlippe.

  40. Jason

    See, my guess of an engagement ring yesterday just sounds more and more plausible, considering Dotty’s history!

  41. Zatar

    SOOOOO CUTE.

  42. Raen

    Lesson learned: never date the child of a woman named Naomi.

    1. JessWitt

      You mean Sharon. Naomi is Ethan’s mom.

      1. Raen

        …I had forgotten there actually was a Naomi in the strip.

      2. WubLub

        I wouldn’t want to have Naomi as a possible future MIL either. If you break up she blames you for “making him gay”, and if you stay together she’s just all “Eh, you’ll do. Excuse me while I go tell my son to make sure to have tons of sex with you.”

        1. NotPiffany

          And heaven help them if Ethan ever gets comfortable with himself and marries a man.

    2. Maveric1984

      In the words of Van Wilder:

      “Naomi is ‘I moan’ spelled backwards”

  43. Mkvenner

    That’s oddly specific.

  44. BenRG

    She used a box that big for that?!? Linda is a cheapskate!

  45. Catty

    Walkorothy banter always cheers me up. Damn Thank you, Willis!

  46. FriendlyNeighborhoodDave

    So, to clarify, she’s talking about Danny’s mother, right?

  47. Dara

    Encase it in lucite first, Walky. Become the bowler. BECOME THE BOWLER.

    1. Raulwicke

      It is really sad how little recognition that movie gets. It was cheesy, wonderful, and everything super hero movies should be.

      1. Dara

        I loved that movie. Apparently we are the few but proud. (It’s the only movie I’ve noticed that has a fresh – barely – from critics and not from audience reviewers on Rotten Tomatoes.)

        1. Kryss LaBryn

          I adore that movie and have it on DVD. I make my friends watch it if they haven’t yet.

          I really kind of wish they’d done a sequel. Casanova Frankenstein is pretty much the greatest supervillain name ever. 😀

        2. Dara

          The right people get it. 😀

  48. dman

    huh… “when we break up”… interesting choice of words walky…

    1. CisoSecond

      Actually quite reasonable. The whole basis of a relationship with her is that she’s going to be going somewhere else. This is a temporary thing, and it’s good that Walky understands that.

      1. Bagge

        A big thing in their current ark is Dorothy getting less sure of that arrangement herself. Yale is great and all, but she is growing a bit too fond of Walky and Joyce and the others to be entirely happy about the concept.

        1. CisoSecond

          Yeah but you know, Walky has no idea.

        2. ninja_jesus

          Danny foresaw this. It’s the prophecy.

        3. Spencer

          I mean, I think it’s true that Dorothy is less confident about going to Yale because she’s made some genuine connections here at IU, but I don’t think she’ll be deterred. Yale is Dorothy’s number one priority.

        4. ischemgeek

          That’s something I really like about Dorothy actually. I really think she would make the tough decision to leave for Yale but she doesn’t let the knowledge that what she has here is temporary stop her from enjoying it while it lasts

        5. Spencer

          Yeah, it’s easily the best part of her character. She’s a dedicated career woman who doesn’t let anyone talk her dreams down, but she doesn’t do so at the sacrifice of any emotional connection.

          Do you know how hard it is to find that anywhere? Usually Dorothy would be some cold, uncaring shrew whose “ambition” was a hollow front for her longing for penis, and at some point she realizes that love is all she really needed.

        6. Dara

          OKAY HERE IS THE THING ABOUT TRANSFERRING TO YALE AS A SOPHOMORE

          says the bitter voice of experience

          They take like fuckin’ nobody, okay?

          As an applicant for freshman – non-transfer – I got into all the schools I actually wanted to attend. To be specific, that was Cornell, U. Chicago, and Carnegie Mellon University. I repeat that: I got into every school to which I applied, including most specifically peer level schools of Yale, like all of the ones I listed above.

          I’m saying this because I’m saying I had the chops and this is how I know.

          But I didn’t get the money to go to any of them, and I had none of my own, so I didn’t get to. My abusive, adoptive, estranged, male ex-legal-guardian, a person I will not dignify with a title, from whom I had fled at age 15, who had said he wouldn’t support college tuition and from whom I wouldn’t’ve taken it anyway… that SOB went out of his way to tell the Feds that he was making an incredibly stupid amount of money each year and would be happy to help.

          This was a lie, of course, but the Feds believed it, and I got exactly fuck and all in aid. And had to turn them down. Which is how I was applying as a transfer to the three richest schools in the world.

          So Dorothy’s plan? It was my plan, for Yale. (And Harvard, and Princeton.) And the above is why it was my plan.

          And here’s the problem, and it’s the same with all these shools:

          They take about 25 a year out of thousands of completed applications. It is much harder to get in to Yale by transfer than by direct freshman application.

          I was all but automatic at that level as a Freshman applicant. I received no rejections. Anywhere.

          But as a transfer? I was second on the waitlist at Harvard, and third at Princeton, and not close enough to care at Yale, and I got into none. of. them. because nobody who makes it into the accepted rank at that level drops out. Nobody.

          (IDK what was up with Yale, I guess they didn’t like my essay.)

          SO TAKING THIS AS SOME SORT OF FAIT ACCOMPLI HAS BEEN REALLY BUGGING ME THIS WHOLE TIME AND I SURE HOPE THAT’S PART OF THE PLOT ‘CAUSE I GOT NEWS DOROTHY IT ALMOST CERTAINLY AIN’T HAPPENING.

          AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

          okay I feel a little better now.

        7. Charles Phipps

          Sorry, Dara, I truly am.

        8. Dara

          S’okay, I’m mostly over it except for totally not being over it because seriously I’ve been through some shit and this is the one that sticks?

          But yeah, I’m fine, I’m in a good spot, I should be over it but goddamn I’m still angry about that but I’m fine I’M FINE I SAID I’M FINE

          totally not fine

          XD

          (All of the above is 100% true, no really, it’s contradictory as fuck but that’s how I feel about it XD )

        9. Jhon

          Good spot is good. So … good for you!

        10. thejeff

          Yeah, I’ve always been a little bothered by that. I get Willis’s insistence on not dashing Dorothy’s dream, but it’s never seemed vaguely realistic to me. Her plans to transfer into Yale. Her plan to become President. Apparently by drawing attention through journalism?
          Ambition is good. High goals are good. So are fallback plans and milestone goals. Those are what she’s missing.

        11. Spencer

          I feel the important part of Dorothy’s character is less whether or not she will achieve those dreams (if only because we’ll never actually see it happen), and more that, if she believes that she can do it, she should be allowed to try without constantly being told that she needs to divert from her goal.

        12. thejeff

          Yeah and I get that, but at the same time – It’s not a plan. She’s not even on a track that leads any where near there. It’s just
          “Go to Yale” (Because some presidents went to Yale?)
          “?”
          “Become President”

          She’d be better off aiming for an Ivy League for Grad work, probably Law school than trying to transfer as an undergrad. Do we even know her major?
          As far as we know she’s not involved in local politics – volunteering for campaigns, interning, etc. Start earning party credentials and making connections there – because that’s what politicians do.

          I completely get not dashing someone’s dreams, but a bit of a dose of realism about whether you’re actually pointed at your goal or not ain’t a bad thing.

        13. Spencer

          Well, I think that’s the point. Realistically, Dorothy would never actually be the president, but it’s important that she make the effort. That she jump headlong in and put in as much effort as she can and, at the end of the day, she stands wherever she ends up on her own merits.

          And that’s why the “you shouldn’t try so hard” message she gets, being told by Danny that she should totally give up her dreams and stick around with him, is harmful to her. Dorothy knows the risks but she should be allowed to try.

        14. thejeff

          Absolutely. I don’t think she should be pushed not to try. I just don’t think hers plans for trying are a good approach. In fact, I’d say she doesn’t really have a plan.

        15. Spencer

          The way I see it is that, much like Amazi-Girl, Dorothy going to Yale is important more as a theme than as an actual cold story beat, if only because we’re never going to see it happen in-comic due to the sliding timescale.

          Like, when we get Amazi-Girl sequences where she beats up hoodlums and ne’erdowells, she’s not really beating up people. People have feelings and friends and don’t like being beat up, whereas Amazi-Girl mostly deals with guys with no personality who then disappear into the ether once they’ve been punched, or at worst get angry at her for punching them when they’re in the process of ganging up on one scrawny kid and sexually harassing women. She’s morally vindicated in punching them from the word go, even though in any real world context that is super fucked up, which is why whenever Amazi-Girl comes across an actual person, like she did with Sal and her friends, she’s an ineffectual clown who gets kneed in the gut and told by her Joe Chill that she’s a dumb loser. This is why the actual important part in Amazi-Girl’s story is that she’s endangering herself and her mental health is worsening, and not the fact that she’s a masked vigilante prowling a college campus looking for people to beat up, the same way it’s okay for Batman to deal with his trauma by punching the mentally ill until all crime ever stops.

          Dorothy isn’t just a go-getter, she’s determined to go to one of the most prestigious schools in the country so she can be elected to its highest office and start reforming its worst problems. Dorothy, as a character, is fighting back against sexist assumptions; that she’s too female to ever really amount to anything, and she should temper her expectations to more reasonable, appropriately female levels to avoid inevitable disappointment that her male peers don’t inherently have to deal with. It’s this background that creates a character who dumps her boyfriend like a sack of hot rocks because he told her that she’d be way happier sticking around someplace she didn’t want to be for his sake and why she struggled so much with balancing her super important workload with making friends and smooching her hot caramel boyfriend. Even though we’re never going to see Dorothy go to Yale, it provides a backdrop for Dorothy’s character and what motivates her actions. Yale is a dream she works to achieve, and what really matters is seeing the character who works at reaching that goal, instead of the character who eventually succeeds or fails at it.

  49. Zatar

    I love how exited Walky looks at the idea of a human skull being given as a gift.

  50. BatNeko

    Danny makes a lot of sense now.

    1. Charles Phipps

      It’s interesting to note Danny is basically gender reversed Joyce in his lifeplans.

      1. thejeff

        Not just him, but particularly his parents. Seems he’s mostly picked it up from them.
        It’s actually interested because it’s not just a gender reversed Joyce, but a gender reversal of a strong traditional stereotype. Though it’s less common for women these days, it’s still odd seeing it applied to a guy.

        1. Charles Phipps

          Yeah, it’s interesting.

  51. Ardin

    Jeeessssuuuussss holy fucking shit

    Is this normal? Gifting money, even in the form of gift cards? That’s just so awkward.

    1. Russ

      I think it is, especially if you don’t know the person well and they’re younger than you. Who doesn’t want money!

    2. TheEighthShader

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xj-7_YU-KIs

    3. Gecko

      Ardin:
      I have no idea what’s “normal”, but I almost always ask my family for gift cards (for a local low price supermarket). the things I’d really like for gifts are hard for them to find, and they wouldn’t know how to pick the right one out of, say, three similarly named art books…
      Plus they just know very little about what I like these days (so they can’t pick clothes or books and stuff). Linda would also know very little about what Dorothy’d like, so to me it makes sense to give money. 🙂
      (For comparison, I give my family gifts like books and homemade candy and whatnot, but I know what they like.)

      Of course we don’t know yet if the money card was for some specific store and if the store in question is someplace Dorothy would never shop, but… Yeah XD

    4. Ettel

      Money is the best gift unless the other person really know what you want.

    5. Kamino Neko

      If by ‘awkward’, you mean ‘awesome’. I hate getting non-monetary gifts from people who don’t know what I would want or need.

    6. GhostWriterL

      I take it more as a “I’m well aware my son is a buffoon and thinks Taco Bell is classy dining… Here’s some money for you to use to go on a date to someplace nice, where you’ll possibly dress him like the perfect person I SO VERY WANT him to be”.

  52. ninja_jesus

    Skull on fire? Hail Sithrak!

    1. iforgetwhatiputhere

      Hail him all you like, he still hates you.. But then again, he hates everyone…

      1. ninja_jesus

        What I like about Sithrak is that he commits to his equal opportunity hatred. That’s a candidate/dark god i can get behind. Dorothy should prepare herself when she runs for president.

        1. Bagge

          Sithrak doesn’t care that you like him. He still hates you. He hates me for pointing that out. Not more than anyone else, though.

          Sometimes I think Sithrak just doesn’t care about us, but than there is the hate.

  53. WubLub

    Please tell me that wasn’t Danny’s mom with the picture frame.

    1. Tacos

      It probably was.

    2. Leila

      Exactly what I was thinking. I mean, I think Danny said it took him “two years” to get into her pants…

  54. Tualha

    David Walkerton, last of the true romantics.

  55. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Those sideways half-smiles in panels 1-3, are those a Dorothy thing or a general Willis thing?

  56. Falling Star

    Now I wanna see that.

  57. altalemur

    Dorothy says “I was sixteen!” as if she’s all that much older now. But yeah, I agree that it’s creepy AF to try to convince your son’s sixteen year old girlfriend that they should be married. Then again, I think the minimum age for getting married should be no younger than 24.

    1. thejeff

      18 is a lot older than 16. By 18 you’re usually very aware of it.
      It’s not until sometime in your mid-twenties you’re usually aware of how young 18 was. 🙂

  58. SundaesChild

    Geez, given that, Danny deserves *credit* more than blame for he and Dorothy lasting as long as they did. Dorothy is polite, but not stupid; with that kind of creepy meddling, there must have been some redeeming qualities in Dan to make a relationship worthwhile for her, yes? And yet, for both a large portion of the commentariat, and HIS OWN PARENTS, that it inevitably fell apart is his fault. He never had a chance.

    1. Emily

      Seriously, an SO would have to be something pretty damn special for me to put up with the level of bullshit Dorothy apparently did.

    2. Spencer

      I feel that Danny had to be a pretty decent boyfriend to last as long as he did. We only ever saw them during their break up and then some painful interactions afterwards, but there must have been something good for them to last as long, and for them to still think pretty highly of one another; Dorothy said she still cared about him and Danny trusted her enough to talk to him about his confusion over his sexuality.

      It’s also pretty normal that, once you get out of a relationship, you can start clearly seeing the worst aspects of it. Mom Wilcox’s pushiness was probably something she boxed away during her relationship with Danny.

  59. Tomas

    Oooh, Long John Silver’s!

    1. Bagge

      DOUBLE DATE!!!

  60. DarkoNeko

    Wow, Dotty has seen some creepy shit too. Hopefully it wasn’t Danny’s parents.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      By the time you make it to college, everybody has seen some creepy shit of one sort or another.  It’s just that, as in the case of Joyce, when you’ve been taught that it is the norm you don’t realize just how creepy some of it was until you get to college.

  61. Some1

    wait, holy shit! Are we getting a grappling hook slipshine?

    http://itswalky.tumblr.com/post/142729209632/as-the-prophesies-foretold

    1. Maveric1984

      Yup, and Amber is probably my favorite female subject for Slipshine stories, followed by Dotty. I’m looking forward to this.

      To be fair, I don’t have a favorite [I]male[/i] subject for Slipshine comics, but whateves.

    2. JQuire

      I hope that’s a figure 8 retrace I see hastily sketched to an outline harness and not a carabiner. Safety first you crazy kids!

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Shouldn’t they be wearing helmets, too?

        (Not the first time I’ve seen this come up in a webcomic.)

        1. JQuire

          It’s certainly not a bad idea, dude could slip or flip headfirst into the building and knock his noggin.

        2. John

          Eh, not like Danny uses it for anything.

        3. JQuire

          At least Piro’s given her a locking carabiner with what looks like a bar to prevent cross-loading. Though, I have no idea what’s going on with the full body harnesses in construction set ups. I’m just a top rope kid at this point.

        4. thejeff

          Yay climbers!

          Just be careful even top roping. I’m on hiatus, nursing a elbow tendon right now. Just at the start of the outdoors season too.

          I may just have to pick up the Slipshine again for this one. I’ve been cheap and only doing it when there are a few new ones, but the grappling hook may be too much to resist.

    3. SundaesChild

      I had to remind myself that grappling hooks are not exclusive to Gravity Falls, because otherwise this read way more squicky than it should. (Yeah, I know, Rule 34.)

  62. skdk

    my first thought was “his mother was a christian” and then i thought “OMG JOYCES MOM” so maybe theres a secret link between dorothy and joyce!! (unlikely theory!!)

  63. Nojh

    So I just now started noticing the red dots. And I was so very confused by them, and had to go back a comic to realize they’re the pins on the board behind Walky, and not some sort of weird floating earring, or sniper laser dots or something.

  64. Regina Phalange

    I’m hoping whatever Sal got is the same as Dorothy. It’s less personal than cookies, but still nice–heck, Sal might not even like cookies.

    I feel like people are attributing all these nasty personality characteristics to the Walkertons when we haven’t seen much to deserve it. *Sal* said they were flat-out racist, but why do we believe her when all the evidence we’ve seen is that dad said her hair is prettier straighter? Clearly Walky is the favorite, and it’s a dick move to obviously choose favorite children, but Walky *is* the kid who didn’t hold up any stores. The only favoritism we saw before that was Walky’s mom having to pick a kid for the audition. And they made her pick one, it’s not like she only brought one to the audition in the first place. The Walkertons just seem flawed to me, in a very human way.

    1. Spencer

      The Walkertons are humanly flawed, because racism is a human flaw.

      If you’re waiting for the sequence wherein Linda bluntly tells Sal that she hates her because she’s blacker than Walky, then you’re going to be disappointed, because that’s not the racism that David Willis is choosing to highlight. The point of the favouritism that the Walkertons display is that it’s subtle, and that if you asked them they could explain it away because often times prejudice manifests that way.

      Anyway, to specifically address your points:

      – Charles told Sal that her was so pretty when it’s long and straight because their is a long held stigma against black woman having their natural kinky hair.

      – Sal robbed a convenience store when she was 13 because she was so desperate for acknowledgement. The neglect started beforehand.

      – Linda chose Walky over Sal for the audition because Walky being chosen over Sal is a consistent factor in Sal’s life.

    2. Charles Phipps

      Racism is a charged issue as Walky shows. In this case, I think the Walkertons clearly favored their son and disregarded their daughter but are not Blaine or Toedad. They’re “just” people who have decided their daughter is a fuckup, a failure, and is never going to be any good–and have thought that since near birth.

    3. Amazi-Stool

      Sal’s mom has not exchanged a single word with Sal during family’s weekend.

      She treated her as she did not exist!

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Maybe she doesn’t. One of those ghost/psychic remnant/consensus hallucination things, like in that movie.

    4. Ettel

      I always thought it was more a sexist thing, like she a girl and no a “man” like his brother.

      But racism is actually a more interesting possibility because people tend to underestimate it sometimes in this kind of configuration.

      1. Zatar

        I think its a bit of both.

    5. Kamino Neko

      Walky is the one who didn’t hold up any convenience stores because his parents favour him, because he’s less ‘black’.

      This was made quite explicit in the flashbacks.

    6. de Combys

      Personally, my guess is that her dad told her that her hair was prettier straight because he sensed that she wasn’t being herself in that ridiculous get-up. My hypothesis is that he’s somewhat like Joyce’s dad in the sense that he’s somewhat kind but also quite passive, and that he’s also perhaps superficial and a bit self-centered.

      Also, why is no one here noting the simple, absolutely blatant and disgusting fact that during their visit, her mother never even acknowledged her presence. If that’s not psychological abuse, I don’t know what it is. Even if racism’s not the cause, it really doesn’t matter, Walky’s the golden boy and she’s the black sheep. She’s not even able to be herself in any way, shape or form in front of them… it says a lot.

      1. de Combys

        Oops I read too quickly, sorry Amazi-Stool! XD

      2. Lord Stoneheart

        If that was Charles’s intention, I’m pretty sure there’s much better ways of phrasing it. Like explicitly asking Sal what’s wrong?

        Also we appear to be ignoring all the racial implications in telling a black woman that their hair is better when it’s straight. Again.

        1. thejeff

          Yeah, I get that it’s a thing that not everyone knows anything about and I get that not everyone obsessively reads all the comments where it’s been brought up again and again, but still …
          Maybe a FAQ?

  65. smooti

    Yeeesh. I hope that wasn’t Danny’s parents, but… it probably was. Which if that was the environment Danny was raised in, no wonder he was so convinced that Dorothy and him were soul mates and that it was OK for him to follow her instead of his own dreams.

    Hey Dorothy, at least you never got an engagement ring and then broke up. That’s the most awkward ex present to have to deal with.

    1. Axel

      The first panel Danny’s mom speaks in (before he tells her they broke up), she says, “Dorothy’s a treasure, isn’t she?”

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        A less earnest person than Danny would have said, “Yes she is, which is why I had to bury her in secret on a desert island.”

      2. de Combys

        Oohhhh, we have a culprit!

  66. Charles Phipps

    Do you think it’s deliberate Willis essentially made Danny a gender-reversed Joyce? A person their parents raised to be defined by the idea of finding a partner and marrying them? It’d be unusual in this culture but not impossible.

  67. Heavensrun

    Why would you put a gift card in a box full of packing peanuts? THIS IS WHAT ENVELOPES ARE FOR.

    1. Sunny

      Now now, packing peanuts may not be quite as awesome as bubble wrap, but they can be used for a wide variety of pranks and other entertaining activities.
      Envelopes are fairly boring by comparison.

    2. Bicycle Bill

      Someone else explained that earlier today
      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/prepaid/#comment-1070173

  68. Tenn

    Walky at his best. 😀

  69. Murphy

    At my boyfriend’s high school graduation party his mother got drunk and introduced me as her “future daughter in law” so I can definitely relate. She’s a nice woman but she had no chill when we were teenagers.

  70. Liminality

    Wait…. I just realized… who the hell uses a box full of packing peanuts to send just a freaking gift card?

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