Fast
Posted on August 11, 2011 by David M Willis

154 thoughts on “Fast”

  1. Berenzen

    I’m with Joyce here, fast food is gross

    1. David Herbert

      I’ve never had anything greasier than an American McDonald’s cheeseburger.

      1. 3DSarge

        Never come to the Iowa State Fair. They’re selling deep-fried butter on a stick this year.

        1. StrangeGirl#1,589,327,001

          Here in Missouri we have a bunch of fairs, but I’ve only been to one. There’s a reason why, they sold deep fried Oreos and Twinkies -___-

        2. BH

          The Ren Faire in Wentzville? If so, a friend of mine makes those fried Twinkies and Oreos. They’re actually pretty good; the trick to eating them is you have to let them cool for a few minutes first, otherwise the superheated, liquified Twinkie filling will burn your mouth.

          …and yes I’m aware I’m replying to a 3 year old comment, don’t judge me.

        3. Daddy

          Dude, what’s there to judge? Good information is never out of date.

        4. Rachel

          The Indiana State Fair has done deep-fried twinkies and deep-fried coke.

          …the twinkies are really good…

        5. Menachem Schmuel

          And deep fried Pepsi, and deep fried Milky Ways, and deep fried butter, and deep fried Twix, and the list goes on and on and on…

        6. Energetic Jen

          I heard there was a deep-fried cheeseburger last year… I’ve never been there myself, though.

        7. MediaDuke

          …how do you deep fry a drink? o_O

        8. ShadeTail

          By drizzling the concentrated syrup into the oil.

        9. CWR

          At the San Diego County Fair they had deep fried bacon.

          Deep fried bacon.

        10. Rogue of Space

          All I can say to all of this is just ‘Murica.

        11. Panda Pete

          Yikes, thanks for the warning…

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        I avoid McDonald’s burgers cos the secret sauce sickens me.

        1. NinjaMaid

          It’s mostly mustard, they recently upped the mustard to other sauces ratio.

        2. Kasamari

          Well, that and Thousand Island dressing.

      3. captainswift

        Never been to Jack in the Box, then, have you?

      4. Maycroft

        Does Subway qualifies as fast food?

  2. Jen Aside

    In college, I had Chick-Fil-A every day because it was tasty. Cafeteria stuff was filling, but kinda gross after a few bites.

    1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

      Chick-Fil-A NEVER gets old! I’ve been working in the chicken business for 6 years now! First KFC, then KFC and Chick-Fil-A and now just Chick-Fil-A. I’ve been at CFA far almost 4 years, and STILL haven’t gotten tired of either place. It’s apparently b/c of the old adage that, Baptists eat chicken, lol!

      1. X

        Man, screw Chick-Fil-A. If my money’s not good enough for you on one day of the week, you can’t have it any other day of the week either.

        1. Compulsive Collector

          That and it’s just gross.

        2. QueenThomas

          ^ This.

        3. Mikehatesyou

          If you don’t like Chick-fil-a because it isn’t open on sunday, I wonder how much trouble it was for you to find a place you wanted to bank at.

      2. Palmetto

        Too salty. Also, the biscuits at breakfast are too doughy. Bring back the Chick-n-Que!

    2. dethtoll

      When I did my internship at my city’s newspaper, the only real place to get dinner real quick was in a minimall down the street. Chick-Fil-A was there and I usually got my dinner from them. The problem was their little chicken nuggets were bullshit and expensive and pissed me off.

      One night I had a dream that I bought some nuggets, opened the box, and it was little tiny deep-fried severed heads. I ate them anyway because they were bigger than the actual nuggets.

      I stopped going to Chick-Fil-A after that. Then I found out about the whole homophobia thing and now I just don’t bother with them at all.

      1. Mikehatesyou

        How dare they cater food to organizations with agendas.

  3. Plasma Mongoose

    What? No Taco Bell?

    1. Horerczy

      Yoru gravaatar makes this statement full of win.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I was in the mood for Trollface Joyce, I’m just glad it fits today so well.

        1. Derp

          That’s not actually a trollface. Just saiyan.

    2. Aizat

      You know what they say about Taco Bell.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I’m an Australian, so I don’t know what they say, so what do they say?

        1. Aizat

          I’m a Malaysian so I had to Google it. They said that Taco Bell gives you the shits.

        2. Mkvenner

          Either way Taco Bell is crap.

        3. MrGBH

          I’ve been eating Taco Bell every Tuesday for about 2 months now. I find it not only tasty but filling.
          Also, I live in Britain (Have I mentioned I’m British today?) so the fast food has higher standards.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Spicy food gives everyone the shits, thw burning kind.

        5. Thor

          Also, there is absolutely nothing “spicy” about Taco Bell. It’s the least threatening form of “Mexican” food there is.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          Sounds disappointing

        7. Andy

          I like it. Sometimes you’re in the mood for authentic and/or spicy Mexican, sometimes you just want a taco.

        8. Plasma Mongoose

          When I want something quick and spicy, I grab a Mad Ming Bing with extra zing.

        9. Aizat

          If I want something spicy in my country, I’ll just go to any restaurant and ask for nasi lemak with extra sambal or nasi goreng with extra chili but then again, I can’t stand spicy food.

        10. StrangeGirl#1,589,327,001

          It is disappointing -___- the ‘meat’ is 30%-40% real meat. It goes so well because when people are drunk they will go to Taco Bell to eat since it is so cheap, plus it’s a place to wait for your buzz to be over. If I’m in the mood for Mexican the places to go are Qdoba, Casagallardo, or I mooch off of my friends that can cook 😀

        11. Palmetto

          I’m glad you put “Mexican” in quotes. It is cheap, though; good for a college budget.

        12. iSaidCandleja-

          Taco Bell is a collection of funky laxatives. Even if your taste buds are warped enough to like it, your bowels will still hate it.

        13. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

          This must affect some people in different ways. I can eat Taco Bell or any other spicy foods and be perfectly fine. Spicy Sandwiches at CFA are great!

  4. buttsbutts mcgee

    Walky is just as neurotic about staying unhealthy as some people are about staying healthy.

    1. Mkvenner

      This is country full of neurotic people this is not surprising.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      But without his abductee powers, wouldn’t his fast food only diet make him fat or sickly?

      1. Mkvenner

        I thought so too but here we are.

      2. David

        I wasn’t an abductee, I ate nothing but Taco Bell, and I was 120 pounds until I was 23.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          What happened after your 23rd?

        2. ilvos01

          He became a webcomic artist!

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Let that be a lesson for us all then.

        4. Rex Hondo

          If my friends who were skinny in HS are any indication, his metabolism ground to a halt with an audible THUD, followed by the overnight development of a gut.

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          Amen to that, when you are used to been able to eat huge quantities without any worries for many years, having your metabolism slow down is most unwelcome.

        6. CWR

          If he’s like me, it means he got married when he was 23…

        7. wynne

          I hate you, Willis. You and my brother.

        8. Stolen

          i’ve probably been eating a similar diet to yours willis, and im barely 124 pounds at 20 years old.

        9. MrGBH

          I’m 6 foot tall and weigh in at 126 pounds. I live on a diet of chocolate, ice cream, fast food and bacon sarnies for breakfast.
          I’m 25 already.
          Somehow, I look like a stick figure.

        10. adius

          I wasn’t an abductee

          So you assume…

        11. Roborat

          Well, that’s no surprise, if the food affected you the way others are saying, you probably crapped out calories faster than your body could digest them.

        12. Animal

          And now?

    3. Pat

      You imply that cafeteria food is healthy.

      My experience indicates otherwise, though I’ve never eaten at this particular cafeteria.

  5. Aizat

    Walky, you suprised me.

  6. Mkvenner

    Does anyone else get those creepy phone calls from Vincent Price?

    1. Aizat

      Vincent Price, no. A call from yourself is a lot creepier.

      1. Mkvenner

        Now I am afraid to answer my phone.

    2. Mkvenner

      Also I hear wedding bells, I think.

      1. Mkvenner

        It could just be Mike.

        1. Mkvenner

          Or the local minister just hung himself.

        2. QueenThomas

          It could be both. Why can’t it be both?

      2. Aizat

        That’s weird. I hear cowbells. Then again, I am listening “Don’t Fear The Reaper” right now.

        1. Energetic Jen

          “The only prescription is more cowbell!”

  7. mnk

    Walky must have some metabolism. By the sound of it, he should be a little… wider. Or diabetic.

    1. Hitoshi

      I have a friend who can eat a whole can of Pringles at one time and eats Taco Bell on a nearly daily basis. His brother is much the same way only slightly scarier. Never underestimate how much skinny people truly eat.

    2. arjay2813

      i had 2 friends like walky in college: 1 was so skinny you could basically put both hands completely around his stomach, and he would eat a stack of cookies, plus actual food a day…with 3% body fat index when tested for some health class. the other was about as thin, but when he had his graduation party his mom and sister filled his car with candy, hostess stuff, and ibc root beer, that he ate in less than a week.

      1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

        LOL! I can do EXACTLY the same thing. Sometimes only throughout the day, but other times I can pack down tons of food in one sitting.

  8. Ragnal

    Ergh, I hated the location of my campus. Unless you had a car, there was NOWHERE to go except a grocery store and a pizza parlor.

    And the only place I can think of that I went to thanks to shuttle buses was Arby’s.

    1. yourfaaaaace

      Aside from the Pizza Hut Express that was *on campus* for some reason, at my university if you had no car you had to either eat at the dining hall or embark on the long and winding hill trip down to the Wendy’s on the corner next to the Haggen. Luckily, the dining hall food was really good, in my opinion.

    2. Matt

      At least you’ve got the pizza parlor going for you. If I want to go grab a bite to eat, (that’s not at a campus dining hall) it’s time to hit the bricks and either drive or hike all the way to downtown.

    3. Akilika

      But… doesn’t a grocery store have everything you could possibly want to eat? Sounds pretty sweet.

      1. Pat

        If you have a kitchen, yes.

        If you live in a dorm, likely not.

  9. Inara

    Unfortunately, corollary to ‘we could *not* have fast food’ tends to be ‘we could be crazy late to our next class’. We always had this problem in college, but the ‘not’ fast food place also served beer, making the choice even more difficult.

    1. Wix

      Damn, I hate to admit that would make the choice difficult… I’d go fast food, but regret every minute of class where I wasn’t inebriated (or at least buzzed slightly.)

    2. gangler

      Yeah, if I’ve only got an hour between classes then it’s really gotta be fast food. I mean fifteen minutes to walk to a food court, fifteen minutes to walk to class, and you gotta get there twenty minutes early. That barely allows time for waiting in line, let alone actually sitting down to eat.

      1. Pat

        I was always early to class, but 20 minutes still seems excessive.

        1. gangler

          Sometimes the prof arrives fifteen minutes early and I’d better be there or I just missed the first fifteen minutes of the lecture. These guys don’t wait for the clock to hit the hour when they’re in a classroom and they already got students.

  10. Tristan J

    @ Panel 1 Walky

    In the words of one of the great philosophers of our time: what are you, the narrator?

    1. Undrave

      Trixie Dixon?

      1. yourfaaaaace

        Homer Simpson, I believe.

  11. meanderling

    I was trying to figure out why this comic weirded me out until I realized this was the most normal social interaction in this comic to date.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Holy Crap, you are right.

    2. Izzy

      your gravitars face fits lol

  12. Wix

    It’s kinda ironic that they’re known for almost being whores for Taco Bell in Shortpack’d and Mac n Cheese, but here Joyce, the one who chose Taco Bell over sex, is the one saying that Fast Food is a bad choice.

    1. Wix

      That was for the record an exxageration, but you get the point.

  13. thatgirlwiththeglasses

    Slow food FTW!

    1. thrudd

      Found exclusively at Al’s Wait & Eat on Level 31

  14. Pau1ie

    Jeez, they must go to some private school for rich kids – my standard lunch in college was one item from Wendy’s 99¢ menu + a cup of ice water :-/

  15. ilvos01

    Funny, they seem to have a relationship forming out of nowhere, despite their obvious resentment of each other.

    1. Ancestral Hamster

      Possibly since they are still new to the campus and happen to have the same classes. It’s natural to gravitate to a familiar face when one is still at sea in a new environment.

    2. Undrave

      Yeah ‘we can’t be friends but we had lunch together almost every day this week’. Nice way not to be friends. Wish I had non-friends like that last time I was in school. Eating lunch alone got old real fast :/

  16. The Master Plan

    The way that they argue with each other over what to eat is so cute. It’s almost as if they could be a couple in some other universe.

    1. Anon

      Ahaha, I see what you did there!

  17. Kisai

    Skinny people just have a less “efficient” metabolism, instead of storing everything, it just spends less time in them. Read into that any way you want.

  18. Liberal1337

    Fast food has been proven to limit ones sexual drive… maybe Joyce should feed all her future boyfriends fast food, and then date them!

    1. Rex Hondo

      Well, it’s a good thing my wife and I have fast food once in a while, then. Otherwise, we probably would have died of dehydration or something by now…

  19. Dierna

    Im surprised Joyce doesn’t go to Chick-Fil-A every day considering it’s a Christian fast food joint.

    1. Mikehatesyou

      I am surprised Billie doesn’t go to Panda Express every other day since, you know, she is half Asian.

  20. wynne

    Thankfully, my school is in the middle of nowhere, so our only choices are between “regular dining hall” and “vegetarian dining hall where everything tastes funny”.

    1. dchorror

      Thankfully?

    2. thrudd

      Does that mean they serve vegetarian Clowns?

  21. Shifty

    D-Did Joyce just bad mouth Fast Food?! Wow, I know this an alternate universe, but I didn’t think it was THAT much of one! {:-O

  22. oooo oooo

    Walky has STANDARDS.

  23. Joebo

    Oh, but those personal pan pizzas are so damn good!

  24. SDHero

    It makes me extremely happy to know that Joyce and Walky have been getting lunch together. Something about those two together is life-affirming and soothing in an uncertain world! 😛

  25. vlademir1

    The time I spent in college fast food was a luxury lunch, I basically lived out of the vending machines when on campus. The fact I worked at a buffet restaurant was the only reason I had anything resembling balance to my diet.

    1. gangler

      Vending machines sounds like it would be more expensive, not less. Was that a time thing?

  26. dchorror

    I feel for them. My normal choices for lunch are McD, Dunkin Donuts, Arby’s, and several places I can’t afford on a regular basis.

    Sushi is awesome, but I can only get it if I time it right, and then it’s more along the lines of dinner.

  27. Sarssol

    It feels weird seeing a strip in which Joyce is not being painfully awkward.

    1. Izzy

      So Joyce not being awkward is awkward….so joyce being awkward is not awkward and therefore awkward. Thereby making it not awkward, which leads to It being awkward…then it’s no longer awkward, which you apparently find awkward.

      1. Anon

        ^ This.

  28. Zem

    “Well this is why YOU are fat!”

  29. Jason

    I vote that they go to GALASSO’S every day for lunch! I’m surprised no one else has suggested this yet.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      That makes sense, Galasso makes pizzas and subs, those two items tend to be pretty popular amongst the college demographic.

  30. Jason

    Also, if they’re just getting out of math, and now having lunch, then that means that their first class of the day is really late in the morning (11 am, or 10 at the earliest), which is really lucky for them. And they’re sleeping in really late…and it’s kinda surprising that Billie missed the class on Wednesday…

    1. Marimba

      Nowadays I can’t sleep that late, but in college I would have been able to do it easily!

    2. Izzy

      I don’t think it’s that suprising…that’s the night she was trying to be up real late, drinking to catch sal, isn’t it?

  31. Cholisose

    Ah, the joy of going through college poor, to the point where a dollar burger and Frosty from Wendy’s is a special treat that comes every couple months or so. x_x

  32. Matt of Steel

    Who are these college students who can afford to eat out all the time?

    1. Spiffster13

      strangely enough, especially if you live off campus, you find that your lunches usually do end up fast food. packing a lunch at 6 or 7 and having it not mess up by lunch time never works). It’s dinner that becomes majority home cooking.

      1. thrudd

        Tupperware or the equivalent, OR better yet food containers you can get from any Boy Scout Supply shop or Mountain Equipment Co-op.
        Just remember to have a partition put aside in your pack for the containers and you are always good.

      2. Trieo

        What I don’t understand is how it is affordable. Is it just really cheap in America?
        Here a medium sized McD meal costs about 11 USD.

        1. Mikehatesyou

          Oh my Cheese…

      3. Andy

        Not true. I lived of campus for two years. One year, I lived just across the street, so lunch was easy, but the second I lived 15 minutes out. I ended up taking leftovers each day, storing them in the fraternity house fridge, and then having lunch there. It’s not hard to have a decent non-fast-food lunch, you just have to plan ahead a little.

        1. Outrider

          And apparently belong to a fraternity with a fridge on campus?

        2. gangler

          Lol. Evidently plan ahead = have access to an on campus fridge. Yes, I suppose that would be a gamechanger wouldn’t it? Refrigerators are massively helpful when seeking to keep food from spoiling. Almost as if they were specifically engineered for that purpose 😉

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          And no one stole any of the food/drink you placed in the fridge? Now that is impressive.

        4. Andy

          We were a smaller fraternity for one thing, and were really hard on people who did steal food and drink for another. If you left it unmarked, though, it was fair game.

  33. TheDoctor

    Now PITT University campus also has “The ORIGINAL Hot Dog Shop”, (or The Dirty “O” for short) and Primantis Bros.
    http://pittsburgh.citysearch.com/profile/8608800/pittsburgh_pa/original_hot_dog_shops_inc.html
    http://primantibros.com/

  34. xetaray

    I just finished the archives, and this was one of the very, very few comics that made me laugh consistently throughout.

    1. David

      Thank you!

  35. Jack Faire

    Nice to find Walky branching out.

    1. Izzy

      They could go get Subway…

  36. Caffienated

    Did anyone notice Walky has a yellow stripe? I just noticed it and I feel like an idiot for not seeing it sooner XP

  37. Leon

    They could try Subway. That’s healthier at least. As long as they have whole wheat.

  38. Barbzilla

    What the hell day is it then? Are they still in their first week? Willis you confound me so.

  39. Greg

    Y’know, I used to complain about the meal options on my campus, but in retrospect I had a pretty sweet deal:

    There were five regular dining halls; two “fancier” dining halls (one of which I heard even had waiters, but I never went there myself); a food court with Taco Bell, Sbarro, burgers, etc; and a handful of “late night” cafes in some of the dining halls. The food wasn’t amazing, but they had tons of different stations where you could order a variety of different food items. I quickly learned that there were some that were terrible but others – like the omelettes and burgers at the grill station – were generally pretty good.

    And then there were the hours: The first dining hall opened up at 7 AM and the last “late night” place closed at 2 AM, so you could pretty much get food on campus whenever you wanted to.

    Granted, our campus was along a highway with only one or two places you could walk to, so they made an effort to have options for students that didn’t have a car.

    …now I’m feeling really nostalgic for my college days.

  40. Kad Mad

    One of the greatest parts about following Willis’s comics is reading the comments.
    I don’t know what it is about Willis, but his comics attract a witty, likable fanbase. Whatever it is you’re doing Mr. Willis, please keep it up!

  41. Chillpillz

    Am I seeing a yellow stripe on Walky’s shirt or is that just a coincidence?

    1. Kernanator

      There’s a second thin stripe below it, so it doesn’t count. It’s probably a reference, but nothing more.

  42. Kelsey

    His friendships seem to be based exclusively on fast food.

  43. SgtNumnum

    That and Joyce is too brainwashed to make sense…Wait is Walky working for the government in this universe too, or is this just a reference?

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