262

Sincerity
Posted on April 15, 2016 by David M Willis

262 thoughts on “Sincerity”

  1. Bagge

    Close but no cigar, Dotty. The Walky is not talking.

    1. 0kami

      He may walk the Walk, but he won’t talk “The Talk”.

      1. Bagge

        Clever! Dotty, meanwhile, may dot the “I”s but she won’t cross the “T”

        1. Stacie

          Wouldn’t that be Dolly?

        2. a snow ʍousɐ

          Like Dolly Parlon!

    2. DarkoNeko

      Nothing like a talky Walky

    3. Tan

      She looks so hopeful in panels 4 & 5

    4. Thorbjorn

      The walky will do no talky today 🙂

  2. AnvilPro

    Walky, as usual, speaking the truth

  3. Mr. Mendo

    Dorothy’s trying to make Walky a project, again… :/

    1. Bagge

      She has a spreadsheet that documents his progress.

      1. Doctor_Who

        “Note that the arrow is pointing down”.

        1. Mr. Mendo

          Is she Dorothy or Faz? 😉

        2. Doctor_Who

          The hair is kinda similar, come to think of it.

          Actually, I imagine Wen is what would happen if Dorothy and Faz had a kid and ohmygodtheimageisinmymindgetoutgetoutGETOUT.

        3. Mr. Mendo

          Good! Embrace the darkness! 😉

        4. Disloyal Subject

          No, attack the darkness!

        5. Some1

          Okay we can rationalize this. Faz gave his sperm to a sperm bank and Dorothy used it later. There a way for Dorothy to have Faz’s kid that doesn’t give the mental image of Faz having sex with Dorothy.

        6. Mr. Mendo

          Though, if Wen is Dorothy’s kid, Faz is banging his own daughter…

        7. Deanatay

          I cast Magic Missile! I cast Magic Missile AT THE DARKNESS!!

        8. Chris

          That, without a doubt, is the best “I cast Magic Missle at the darkness” reference I have ever seen.

        9. Rowen Morland

          You are eaten by a grue.

      2. Mr. Mendo

        An encephalogram might be better…

      3. Walky_Talky

        She would have made a pie chart, but he’d think it was actually made of pie and try to eat it.

        1. Leorale

          He does have a history of eating papers he doesn’t like.

    2. inqntrol

      She’ll have to “evaluate” him first.

    3. HonorHunter

      Hahaha. A good SO can help you become a better person, even if they have to drag you sometimes. Those two balance each other well. Walky helps her to unwind, while she helps him become a bit more aware/caring. I don’t see it like him becoming a project.

      1. Tualha

        Sorry Walky, that’s how it works. Nookie is for grownups. Sometimes grownups have to do uncomfortable things. Sure, you can keep acting like a kid, if you don’t mind eventually blowing the best thing that ever happened to you.

        1. Briny

          So you’re saying he’ll do it all for the nookie. (C’mon, “the nookie”?)

        2. trlkly

          What? No. A relationship that uses sex as a bargaining chip is horribly wrong. This is the type of stuff I was talking about that starting to bother me. Not the comic, but the comments.

          It’s still a sexist trope. And while I can accept it as a flaw in Dorothy, it bothers me to see it promoted as a good thing.

          I’m actually starting to wonder if there are any healthy relationships in this comic.

          And I know no one but maybe a very dedicate binger will see this, but still.

    4. Leorale

      I think it really depends how Walky feels about it. Some people I know enjoy being pushed to improve, some people detest it, most are somewhere in between.

    5. Needfuldoer

      She has a Gantt chart full of milestones to reach. Can’t let the timeline slip!

      1. Tomas

        Gantt charts are cool, so much better than daily planners for managing deadlines.

    6. Willoughby Chase

      I agree that the note sending maybe part of a project, but she seems genuinely concerned abt his “never minds” and knows he’s hiding something, just not quite what he’s hiding.

      1. Mr. Mendo

        The thing about Walky, though, is that she’s taking the wrong path by trying to confront him directly. She should come at him from the side, like a tiger. 🙂

        1. Willoughby Chase

          That’s a sort of project, right?

        2. Ellegos

          Or a velociraptor.

        3. Snugglebutts

          Clever girl

  4. gkheyf

    i vote water-knife!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Icicle to the lungs? If you don’t bleed to death, your body heat will melt it, filling your lungs with water, and you’ll drown.

      …The fuck? That’s the single darkest thing I’ve ever typed. I may need to get to bed.

      1. Rukduk

        You’re not the only one, I somehow read icicle as “ice-pick”. Which is also pretty dark.

        1. DarkoNeko

          so, like Basic Instinct.

        2. Disloyal Subject

          Eh, icicles have the major advantage of being less traceable. Though they aren’t nearly as good at penetrating bone or any clothing tougher than fabric.

        3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Make sure the icicle is made out of saline solution, not fresh or sea water. makes things harder for the coroner.

      2. Some1

        Your trapped in freezing cold water, with spikes lining the walls ceiling and floor, some big some small. You can’t see anything. there is a tiny opening somewhere, just big enough for a man to fit through. No matter where you move you risk being stabbed, but if you stay you’ll drown.

        GET ON MY LEVEL!

        1. Rukduk

          Well howdy Jigsaw.

        2. Emperor Norton II

          Did you use to play lots of NES games back in the day? Because this describes at least four or five of them, that I can think of at the top of my head.

  5. TheStranger

    In the end, it will be a tragic stabdrown

    1. Vagabond J

      That ends in the loser being drowned?

  6. chris73

    Its a trap!

    1. Dana

      Thank you, Admiral Akbar.

      1. Reltzik

        Why does everyone always credit Akbar with the line, when Leia shouted EXACTLY the same thing two years earlier in Cloud City? Doesn’t it matter that she got there first? Or does being a woman while Akbar is (at least as far as we can tell by voice timber) male invalidate her rights?

        … when warning other people not to address these questions, please bear in mind that shouting “It’s a trap!” will cause recursion and exponential growth of said trap.

        1. Reltzik

          *correction: 3 years earlier

        2. Leorale

          I always assumed it was because he has a funny fish-head when he says it.

        3. Baronbrian

          This, exactly. He’s so goofy looking when he says it that it just burns into your head

        4. John

          Carrie Fisher’s delivery of the line was significantly less ridiculous.

        5. Durandal_1707

          Also, Carrie Fisher had lots of lines throughout all three films, as opposed to having just that one.

        6. Disloyal Subject

          It’s all in the delivery.

        7. Reltzik

          Huh. Those are two significantly better explanations than mine, which boiled down to “Leia was a far more significant character with far more lines than Akbar, who only has two scenes to be remembered for. A main protagonist’s throwaway line is the bit part’s signature line because the bit part has so much less.”

        8. Durandal_1707

          Beat me to it by four minutes.

        9. Random832

          If that was your explanation why’d you open with “Or does being a woman … invalidate her rights?”

        10. Reltzik

          Because I was engaged in trolling that was supposed to be so obvious as to be humorous?

        11. No Name

          Reltzik, this is the internet. Trolling is never so obvious it’s humorous. So ridiculous it’s humorous maybe, but never so obvious.

  7. Wheelpath

    Drowned, that’s already almost happened to me once, much less painful.

    1. SmilingNid

      But if you trying not to die being stabbed is’t that bad, better than almost drowning at least.

    2. Skizz

      Stabbed, I have had to deal with both as life threatening events. Stabbing is easier to deal with.

      1. a snow ʍousɐ

        Doesn’t it depend on where you’re stabbed?

    3. Rukduk

      Drowning is much scarier, and can possibly take much longer. After nearly drowning myself, I’d also say it’s more painful, what with the pressure on and within the lungs and the body’s attempted cough/choke response.

      1. SmilingNid

        Never mind being drowned is harder to fight off, can’t drown the ocean back unless you are BP.

  8. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    So mom becomes convinced Walky has been kidnapped and replaced with a replicant…

    1. Bagge

      And she will be very eager to get to the bottom of it so she can have her own slob of a son back rather than the well mannered replicant… she will get around to check it out any day now…

      1. Wizard

        Nah, she’ll just ask if they’re available in female.

        1. a snow ʍousɐ

          Make sure it’s got good coloring…

        2. a snow ʍousɐ

          I feel like a white asshole for saying that joke

    2. tim gueguen

      But she finds out Walky is a clone, one of many clones created by some nebulous conspiracy.

      “The season premiere of Orphan Walky is coming up next.”

  9. Mordecai

    Man, I really want him to just come out with it.

    1. begbert2

      Are you crazy? If he admits to her that his grades are falling she’ll make him study all the time. That’s like having to write a million thank-you-notes one after the other. If I was him I wouldn’t have deliberated for even a second – “Well, this thing isn’t going to write itself!”

      1. Dara

        But she’s clearly good at studying, right? So she could teach him how to study, as opposed to teaching material that he’s already not getting.

        1. Needfuldoer

          But how is he supposed to learn how to learn if he doesn’t know how to learn already? It’s difficult to bootstrap good study habits after a decade of coasting.

        2. Kamino Neko

          Almost a decade and a half…he’s a modern 18 year old…he’s probably been in school since he was 4, especially with a mom wanting to make sure he gets The Best.

        3. Dara

          oh totes. the habits will be super difficult. but he’s totally capable of learning, he was doing well in calc early on, he had to have learned all that precalc somehow. he just has no idea how to break stuff down because it’s all come into his brain as a gestalt in the past, and now that no longer works, so.

      2. No Name

        Actually, the last “never mind” was in reference to Mrs. Walkerton’s favoritism. THAT is probably what he meant by “drowning”.

  10. Horchata

    THAT SNEAKY DOROTHY

  11. Kernanator

    Stabbed, then drowned.

    1. carl320

      If I was drowning, I’d want to be stabbed… you know, to get it over faster.

      1. John

        Tell it to Rasputin.

        1. Baronbrian

          *slow clap*

        2. Kamino Neko

          Or Vigo the Carpathian.

        3. Kernanator

          I was hoping someone would make a Rasputin reference in response to my comment, and I was not disappointed.

  12. Yotomoe

    Just write the thank you note. Nothing good comes from being honest about your freelings!

    1. Bagge

      The fact that he writes it even makes it ironic, so he won’t even loose any cool.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Just sign it with an /s

        1. Tacos

          That is if his mom doesn’t just assume it’s one of them durn new-fangled emoticon thing-a-ma-jiggers.

        2. Bagge

          I think his mom knows exactly what kind of stupid shit Walky would pull, and she wouldn’t care.

          What’s important is that Dorothy actually managed to make him write the note in the first place!

        3. Clif

          That alone is worth another gift card.

  13. Architex

    Man this is torturous. I mean that for Walky and us.

  14. Cephalo the Pod

    That last panel is really funny.

    1. Bagge

      I love Dotty’s face. “COME ON, THAT SHOULD HAVE WORKED”

  15. Stephen R. Bierce

    *thinks There has GOT to be an Aerosmith song in this somewhere…*

    1. Vagabond J

      *Randomly selects “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” out from nowhere*

      1. a snow ʍousɐ

        I don’t wanna close my eyes!

        1. a snow ʍousɐ

          I don’t wanna fall asleep, because I’ll be vulnerable and you might just attack me then

    2. Sunny

      It’s not Aerosmith, but it’s kinda fitting for Walky’s MO I think.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYFefppqEtE

  16. Oni Queen

    Stabbed, because blood is cool.

    1. Disloyal Subject

      Delicious and nutritious, tastes just like… Copper and iron. BEST IF CONSUMED FRESH.

  17. Walky_Talky

    Could be worse things. Like, there could be a pufferfish and then he could be drowned and stabbed at the same time.

    1. No Name

      Don’t forget the poison!

  18. insomniac

    hahaha I have no understanding of that sort of avoidant behavior toward being open about feelings (iwilldiealone)

    1. JohnF

      As an aspie, there are 5 feelings: happy, sad, hungry, horny and scared. Trying to discuss the imaginary ones that other people claim to have just brings on scared in a big way. Perhaps Walky is a bit aspie.

      Down with the neurotypicals!

      1. Gigafreak

        The possibility exists, but I figure it’s more likely just Walky’s idiotic notions of masculinity again. Macho men don’t talk about their feelings, for they only express themselves through sex and/or violence– just like the movies! (This is stupid.)

        1. thejeff

          This one I suspect is more ingrained than just an idiotic notion. It’s not obviously that men can’t talk about feelings, but that they’re rarely taught or expected to growing up and it becomes very hard to do so.
          I miss out on most of the idiot, toxic, masculine socialization, but I’ve got that one hard.

  19. detective boomwolf

    Personally, I’d pick stabbed. Dunno why, seems quicker, and possibly less painful depending on where you get stabbed.

    1. Disloyal Subject

      Also less lethal, depending. And there’s the possibility of a sweet scar. And maybe a free knife if they leave it plugging the hole.

      1. Dara

        AW YEAH SWEET KNIFE

        i am definitely the winner in this stabbing

  20. Tacos

    As a wise child once said, “¿Por qué no los dos?”

    1. inqntrol

      Get stabbed right in the lungs when you are underwater? You may attract a shark with all that blood, so I guess it’s a bonus.

      1. Leorale

        True fact: If you’re going to die anyway, you might as well get to see a cool shark.

        Wait, we’re all going to die, eventually.
        Anybody want to go to the aquarium?

  21. Barf Ninjason

    Stabbed! Definitely get stabbed. And talk about yer feelings. That way you neither have to suffocate nor practice cursive.

  22. nobodybasically

    Hopefully Mrs. Walkerton will find the clues in Walky’s grammatical errors and out-of-place capitalization that spell out “I AM BEING GROOMED AS A MODEL CITIZEN AGAINST MY WILL. SEND HELP/MORE COOKIES.”

    1. Bagge

      HELP, HELP, SHE IS MAKING ME WEAR PANTS

      1. Dean

        Days later, Dorothy receives a care package containing a solid gold pony.

  23. Rukduk

    Stabbed. Definitely stabbed. Drowning isn’t as quick as a proper stabbing, and depending on where you’re stabbed (such as the temple or brain stem) stabbing doesn’t even hurt that much.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Maybe he’ll be a lucky bastard and get away with crucifixion.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Oops, i was thinking of this bit, sorry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3HC0Np5_cQ

        1. Rukduk

          It’s all good, the more Monty Python the better I say.

    2. Lan

      Eh maybe if ones nerves aren’t all hyper-sensitive to pain like mine? I’ve had various accidents so like even a needle prick can require aspirin if I’m not careful.

  24. Questionor

    Are all the current story lines about people’s secrets? Ruth’s, Walky’s, Jocelyn’s, Amber’s?

    1. Vagabond J

      When God closes the door, everything else opens up.

    2. Architex

      Commenter Questionor really getting down to it right here

  25. inqntrol

    Today’s subject: Best way to be killed with less pain

    1. Leorale

      Before we chime in, please don’t put any that are viable ways to attempt suicide; my brain latches onto those in a way that isn’t dangerous but is still super-distracting and unpleasant.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        Duly noted.
        I’m morbidly curious what temperature would be needed to incinerate the human body quickly and thoroughly enough for there to be no time to feel it.

        1. Schpoonman

          Uh. Teleported into the sun’s corona?

        2. StClair

          I believe you need something on the order of a nuclear detonation (fission or fusion).

    2. Tomas

      Execution advice from all the same people willing to help you get a new Social Security card.

      1. Leorale

        Hah, so helpful!

      2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Just a different set of forms to fill out.

    3. Leorale

      Maybe fall into a vat of Science. Either the acid will horribly kill you, or you’ll get superpowers.

      1. inqntrol

        And in case you get superpowers, there big changes to end up looking like the Toxic Avenger.

  26. Opus the Poet

    Never drowned, but getting stabbed stings a bit. Nothing like getting crushed by a truck doing 60 MPH, that shit hurts for a long time.

    1. Clif

      Yeah, don’t do that.

      1. Opus the Poet

        Too late

  27. JerrmyFe

    And to think, I used to love Walky.

  28. DarkoNeko

    Suffocating is a terrible feeling, I’d probably rather be stabbed.

    1. Catapostrophe

      Yep, same here. Although now I’m considering the pros and cons of various stab wound locations. Like, being stabbed in the lungs would be pretty terrible, ’cause it’d be all bloody and hard to breathe.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        …lungs, plural? That WOULD be terrible. One perforated lung is presumably bad enough.
        Still preferable to an eye, though, or possible instadeath from a hit to the temple or base of the skull.

        1. Catapostrophe

          Oh, yeah, I meant to say just one lung, but both would be twice as bad! Being stabbed in the eye does sound worse, but I’d rather die quickly from a knife to the temple or base of the skull if I’ve gotta be stabbed somewhere.

          (That’s assuming the wound is going to be fatal, but I guess it doesn’t have to be for the sake of this hypothetical situation.)

        2. Rukduk

          Don’t forget the kidneys! That’s supposedly a quick way to go.

        3. Disloyal Subject

          Yeah, kidneys are basically blood filters, so when you put a hole in them blood loss becomes an extremely pressing problem. Similarly, the genitals get a lot of blood flow.

        4. Catapostrophe

          Huh, good to know! I am learning a lot about stabbing today.

        5. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          And just a month after the Ides of March, a holiday to remind us all of the importance of coming together to stab in groups.

        6. thejeff

          Another important tip: If you accidentally injure yourself with a knife and have to go to the hospital, do not tell them you “stabbed” yourself. You struck yourself or cut yourself or something like that.

          Stabbings get reported to the police.

          Or so a friend of mine was told by the friendly nurse who let her rephrase the report.

    2. OnyxIdol

      I’m not so sure about that. After all, autoerotic asphyxiation *is* a thing.

  29. Skizz

    Just ask her to form a study group, Walky.

  30. Just Me

    Talk or write or be strangled by Dorothy, your move.

    1. Just Me

      I hope he chooses Talk.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Now my name is Talky!

    2. Disloyal Subject

      Strangulation? I didn’t realize they’d moved up to the kinky stuff.

  31. Catapostrophe

    Walky, come on, writing thank you notes and getting stabbed have the potential to be so much quicker than their respective alternatives! Depending on how hard cursive writing is for you or the location/severity of stab wound, I guess. But Dorothy wouldn’t rush a conversation about feelings, she’d do it right and it would be extra painful.

    1. Rukduk

      Good God but that sounds like a very efficient form of torture.

      1. Catapostrophe

        Haha, I was just trying to efficiently express my opinion on each of the forms of torture mentioned, and it ended up sounding like all one thing. Dorothy is big on efficiency, though!

    2. DarkoNeko

      so, stabbed by a cursive pen, and dworing in the fountain in front of the campus when Dorothy throws him throught the window in a fit of rage.

      1. Catapostrophe

        While Dorothy shouts advice and questions about Walky’s feelings out the window, if you wanna maximize efficiency of torture.

  32. Saaaam

    I feel like Walky should talk to/get help from anyone BUT Dorothy. I feel like she’d put too much pressure on him, even unintentionally

    1. Bagge

      He could take Joyce’s suggestion and get tutoring from Jason. Of course, that would mean admitting Joyce would be right.

      1. DarkoNeko

        That’d also give JAson a chance to get it on with another Walkerton.

        1. Disloyal Subject

          Or get assaulted when Walky’s ridiculous ideas on masculinity compel him to ‘defend his sister’s honour’ if anything about Jason & Sal’s extracurricular activities slips out somehow.

        2. Bagge

          Heh, I think even Walky would realise how utterly silly the idea of HIM defending SAL in any physical way would be.

          …Standing up to their parents on her behalf would be another matter however.

        3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          After all, she’s basically Batman.

        4. Some1

          The weird thing is, Walky was actually stronger than Sal for years of continuty

      2. Saaaam

        Better than admitting weakness to your girlfriend!

  33. White Rice

    What about stabbed while drowning? Either the lack of oxygen makes you not feel the stab (at least not as painfully as it would otherwise be) or the stab makes you gasp, causing the drowning to be over quicker, shortening your suffering.

    Both, 100%

  34. kkiten

    This reminds me that Joyce has yet to tell Dorothy that she can’t be outside alone.

    1. Bagge

      Dotty has really just scratched the surface of the mess her friends is in.

  35. Some1

    Because were getting a new Slipshine…Slipshine ideas that probably won’t happen

    1. Danny masturbates while Joe sits with headphones in the background

    2. Joyce slightly touches herself in the middle of the night, before apologizing to God.

    1. inqntrol

      Why would Joe sit and listen music while watching Danny masturbating?

      1. Some1

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/02-choosing-my-religion/tissue/

        also, five minutes? Joe must be the fastest masturbater on the planet!

        1. trlkly

          Ain’t hard if you were already ha…in the mood.

        2. Gordon

          Or he has an amazingly fast internet connection.

  36. Teddae

    if he chooses drowning over being stabbed(aka talking about his feelings) i’m gonna cross to the dumbiverse and strangle his corpse >_>

    1. Teddae

      ok that was dark and i don’t condone any of that behavior, but nonetheless this has gone on long enough walky >: (

    2. No Name

      No, see, talking about his feelings is being drowned; writing the thank you note is being stabbed. The metaphor fits better.

      1. Gigafreak

        Truly the pen is mightier than the… waterboard?

      2. Teddae

        …ooohhhh. yeah that makes a lot of sense.

  37. pjeseb

    If you keep this up Walky, you’re going to end up stabbed AND drowned. While also confessing your feelings in a thank-you note written in your own blood.

  38. KSClaw

    Both. Both is good. Stabbed, *then* drowned.

  39. Megan Rivera

    I might get textually murdered for saying this but the longer I read this comic the more I dislike Walky. He’s so entrenched in toxic masculinity and he’s got some seriously problematic sexist views and I’m constantly irritated by him. I don’t see what an intelligent woman like Dorothy sees in him. She’s a Feminist. I have a hard time realistically believing she sees past that or ‘nice abs” is REALLY enough to blind her to his HUGE faults. I guess I have a hard time removing myself from my own experiences when I would never date someone who was so problematic. It would just be a nightmare for me.

    1. Schpoonman

      Dorothy is seeing more of these problems as she stays with Walky longer. At first Walky appeared to give so few shits about most anything that she could simply latch onto the shared interest and him being attractive.

      Again, now that they’re past dating for a week or so she’s seeing stuff that’s deeply problematic that she won’t let happen. You’re absolutely right that Walky has a host of issues that need sorting before the relationship can last longer.

    2. BenRG

      Walky has a honest heart but, no, he’s not necessarily a nice guy at this point in his life. The Walkyverse version of the character had to go through a series of nightmares and near-death experiences to mature and learn honour and right behaviour. Even then he doesn’t always get it right!

    3. Spencer

      Disliking any of the characters for any good reason is a valid way to feel. Great characters infuriate me every once in a while.

      Ruth pisses me off so much, but that’s more to do with her actions as a character and not, say, because I think she’s poorly written or detracts from anything.

    4. Tomas

      Walky’s immature, but I wouldn’t call him toxic. He wore pajama-jeans, he ate “gay pizza”, he had no problem being pretend-married to Joe for Women’s Studies class, he has a platonic friendship with Billie, and he apologized to Sal. That last one was a biggie.

      1. Spencer

        Nah, Walky is pretty rooted in toxic masculinity, in a lot of ways.

        He knew that Ethan was gay because he wasn’t touching Joyce enough like any heterosexual man obviously would, he reacts to Ethan’s panic over knowing he’s gay by smugly talking about how he’s a super genius who scores free gay pizza, and lots of straight dudes employ gay bravado because LOL, we’re dudes married; that’s inherently funny!

        I do feel that he hasn’t bought much into sexist perceptions anymore than the rest of us, though. He fully believes in Dorothy, but he’s still kinda mansplaining to Joyce by describing her goals as “not particularly feminist.”

        Walky is an admirably dedicated and loyal friend to those he loves. He is also a butthole.

        1. Tomas

          I don’t think you can call anything “toxic” if it’s not harmful. Walky is friendly and nonjudgemental to everyone. Take another look at the scene where Ethan comes out to him. Walky’s only response is, “Yeah, I know.” He couldn’t care less.

        2. Spencer

          Walky’s response is “I already figured it out because I’m a super genius.” That ain’t support.

        3. trlkly

          No. He’s not. I don’t want to shit on the person who has actually experienced some shitty people, but I will argue with you.

          Walky’s problem is not that he has some ideal of how men are supposed to act. His problem is merely that he has issues that he has no idea how to deal with. He has a sense of pride about being a good student that gets in his way. He

          If anything, his problems stem from his mom always treating him like the favorite. He doesn’t know how to handle when he’s not perfect. And she gave him privilege issues, which is why he never noticed how his sister was being treated.

          He is not violent. He doesn’t think he has to be stoic. He doesn’t buy into any of the anti-feminist bullshit. He just has no idea how to handle not being perfect.

          And, frankly, I do have a problem with disliking someone because they are flawed. It makes no sense. If they are flawed, embrace the good parts that are flawed.

          If you can’t do it to fictional character, how can you do it in real life where it matters?

  40. Russ

    Always go for stabbed Walky. It’s good for you in the long run!

  41. Reltzik

    I think it kinda depends on the nature of the stab wound.

    I mean, if I got stabbed in my pinky toe, that’s probably better than drowning. I’d take that. Stabbed in the liver without medical attention, that’s a long painful death, I’d go with drowning over that. Stabbed in the jugular vein is quick, though, so that’s better than drowning.

  42. ChrisHerself

    I can’t remember the last DOA strip I laughed this hard at. XD

  43. CianM1301

    While both are entirely unpleasant, I think I’d prefer stabbing over drowning.

  44. Megatron

    You fleshlings die from being in to much water? This mud all is practically nothing but water! Like, that’s just poor planning.

    1. No Name

      Hey, it’s not OUR fault we don’t have any intelligent design!

    2. Bicycle Bill

      Water is actually a solvent.  Leave anything, even a battleship, in water long enough and it will dissolve.

      1. a snow mous e

        Water is called the UNIVERSAL SOLVENT

        because eventually it will dissolve the universe

      2. Reltzik

        Make more battleships out of silver bromide then.

        …. granted, that’s not a good material for making battleships, but who uses battleships these days anyway? Despite its negatives, that would still be quite the picture.

  45. JA

    The only viable option here is to do a combat roll out the window and pray you land in a passing truck.

  46. David

    Dorothy already realized previously that Walky is as male as they come. She’s attracted to that, and will work on him until she can consider him properly civilized. Then she’ll be no longer attracted to him and will likely move on.

    In other words: Dorothy is as female as they come.

    Sigh.

    1. David M Willis

      Sigh indeed, ya sexist jackass.

      1. Some1

        But the post works on so many levels! Not only does he have both your name and Walky’s but he also has a Dorothy gravatar!

        1. a snow mous e

          …Did you just call Willis a sexist jackass?

          the truth is revealed lol

        2. a snow mous e

          #damnyouwillis?

        3. Some1

          #damnyousome1

        4. a snow mous e

          (but on a serious note…. “works”? Works as what, a joke? As an Illuminati conspiracy?)

        5. Some1

          Yes.

      2. David

        Sexist jackass? I’m of the opinion that everybody has the right to be judged on his actions rather than of race/gender stereotypes. Unfortunately, Dorothy’s behavior is exactly matching the gender stereotypes. Which is what the “sigh” is about: I don’t really cherish people behaving stereotypically, I prefer viewing them as individuals making individual decisions. Sadly, race/gender patterns tend to match more often than tasteful.

        Let’s see whether David Willis decides to let Dorothy outgrow her gender patterns in this respect.

        1. WubLub

          Or maybe she just doesn’t want a partner who’s an incompetent slacker who tries to slide by in life and is absolutely crushed when he realizes that isn’t going to work forever.

          Dorothy is trying to improve Walky because that’s what she does She tries to help out Joyce, too. It’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because she wants her loved ones to be happy, and she can see that they’re holding themselves back.

        2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          So she doesn’t want Walky, she wants some different person with his body, face, and a select few of his superficial personality traits. She is going to change him. That kind of a relationship has such a great success rate.

        3. WubLub

          1. She’s trying to help him not completely fail at college and life in general. She’s being a little overbearing, and maybe they will break up, but she isn’t trying to destroy his personality and replace him with some mindless robot.

          2. The fact that she’s being overbearing has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a woman, and it’s kind of annoying that David (the commentor, not the author) is saying that it does. That’s the point I was trying to make.

          I mean, Hank (before he started respecting Joyce’s decisions more) held a big prayer circle to try to make Joyce stop hanging out with an atheist. Joe is constantly being overbearing towards Danny. John is just… well, you saw John. And Toedad kidnapped Becky at gunpoint and tried to force her into a conversion camp. Saying that Willis is a lazy, sexist-trope-following writer because Dorothy wants her boyfriend to do well is just ridiculous.

        4. Kernanator

          *deep breath*

          Loving someone for who they are does not mean just accepting their stupid bullshit. People can and should change over time, and people should do their best to help others change. Dorothy sees bad behaviors in Walky that can not only negatively affect his life, but the lives of others. As such, she feels that it is her duty to fix these behaviors before they start becoming a bigger problem than they already are.

        5. David M Willis

          Man, fuck you. Fuck you.

          You wrote a fanfic about what you think Dorothy’s going to do next: She will change him, “then she’ll be no longer attracted to him and will likely move on.” This was a thing YOU wrote, and it has not happened in the story. It was something you made up.

          And NOW you’re pretending *I* wrote it? That Dorothy has to OUTGROW this made-up shit you pulled out of your ass? That she has to OUTGROW the “gender patterns” you GAVE her YOURSELF?

    2. Some1

      Dorothy is actually that one ghost who asks you if you want the blue or red cape

    3. WubLub

      Why are you so stupid?

    4. Hielario

      That’s not “male”, that’s STUPID.

      1. WubLub

        Stupid as they come.
        Sigh.

  47. Willoughby Chase

    So she has noticed … the conversation abt maths grows closer …

  48. BenRG

    Devil woman! You have the poor man over a barrel already! 😉

    1. Sunny

      Better than having him in the barrel.

  49. Cheryl

    Shes smooth as fuck

  50. Spencer

    Speaking of stabbings, I’ve started to wonder; does Walky even know that Sal was stabbed in the hand?

    1. JBento

      I’m gonna have to go with a tentative “yes.” The hand stab would have taken heavy bandaging, and regardless of consequences, I don’t think Walky would’ve gone that long without seeing Sal.

      1. Spencer

        Well, he has said that they’ve barely spoken since the robbery. I’m assuming that Sal was brought home for holidays and mostly just spent all her time with Marcie.

        I dunno, Sal never telling him she was stabbed, and their parents dancing around the subject to spare their Good Egg the shame, I’m not entirely convinced it’s out of the picture.

        1. Cephalo the Pod

          Hm. I think there’s narrative value in this.
          Like, Walky discovers the stab wound, and that’s what opens up the chance for the twins to really talk about the robberies.

        2. thejeff

          I guess. If she went straight from arrest to Catholic school without ever coming home and Walky wasn’t allowed to visit her in jail or juvie or wherever she was being held. Still, I’d expect that much to get out in those first panicky days.

          If it didn’t happen right away, when she was still all bandaged up, I could easily see him not finding out later. My impression was in fact that she hadn’t been home at all, strange as that seems. Looking back, it’s not actually clear, but the implication that she hasn’t been home for the summer is strong.

          Also, I’d apparently forgotten that Walky says “she robbed like two convenience stores”. Either he was exaggerating or we only saw the end of her crime spree.

        3. Spencer

          I admit it’s not exactly airtight, but it’s a theory I like because it adds another layer to just how neglected Sal was.

          As for whether Sal spent the entire five years in Tennessee, well, I kind of have a hard time thinking that she never returned home at all, as that goes from the Walkertons being crappy parents to outright malicious. Plus, Walky knows Marcie well enough, and they all first met when they were kids, so I’m guessing she was a local and that Sal spent her time with her when she came home. Unless Marcie was also sent to the same Catholic boarding school in Tennessee, I can’t imagine the two of them were able to become such close friends.

          The wording is vague and it could easily go either way, but I’m more partial to Sal being around sometime and still being the Walkerton Household Shame rather than being forever banished, because the former allows for the Walkertons to continue their thin veneer of thinking they’re good parents.

          And, yes, according to her cast page she held up two convenience stores. I imagine in the first one she just knocked things over and stole some cash, and was expecting to do the same at the one Ethan and Amber were at.

        4. WubLub

          Speaking of which, that cast page needs updated. Joyce’s page says she’s still dating Ethan, but I’m pretty sure she broke up with him a while ago when she realized she was being awful.

        5. thejeff

          I agree that it seems really weird that she spent the whole 5 years away from home, but it’s hard for me to read it any other way. It really seems like she’s just shown up from Tennessee directly to school. Billie’s with the Walkerton’s when they come to school, but Sal isn’t. Billie has to be reminded about the Catholic School and doesn’t even know about the robberies. When Walky sees her for the first time, he asks “How was Tennessee?
          Could have just been that last summer she didn’t come home, I suppose.

        6. Spencer

          Yeah, it’s Sal’s introduction that really cuts into my theory, because the way it was written it comes off like Walky and Sal haven’t seen each other in five years, but I also feel that Marcie and Sal being extremely close friends, to the point where Marcie followed her to IU without taking classes, doesn’t work if they’ve been separated for years on end.

        7. trlkly

          I’ve always assumed she met Marcie while away at school. Maybe not in boarding school, but still way.

          Or, if not, Marcie followed her to Tennessee, too. She does say she follows Sal wherever she goes–that implies more than one place.

  51. LWS

    What does she expect? Walky doesn’t have 2 X chromosomes…

    1. Bagge

      (Nitpicking) That we know of. There ARE men with two X chromosomes.

      1. John

        Walky is not one of them. We have seen Walky’s tackle (even if you don’t have a Slipshine subscription, there was full-frontal Walky in IW!), we know he is capable of fathering children the old-fashioned way (he did so in the other universe), and there’s no evidence that he has Klinefelter’s syndrome (who are generally sterile, among other symptoms that don’t fit Walky).

        There are plenty of things about that comment you could object to without going after the part that’s simple statement of fact.

        1. Bagge

          Oh, I’m well acquainted with Walky’s genitals (thanks, slipshine). And yeah, if you include the fact that he could have children in another universe (a universe where he was genetically altered by aliens and once rebuilt from scratch though…) he PROBABLY doesn’t have Klinefelter or de la Chapell or anything similar.

          But still only probably, which kinda is my point – chromosomes are not a very good shorthand for gender or sex, however you slice it.

    2. WubLub

      I know you’re joking, but sharing your emotions isn’t just for women. Men should be encouraged to talk about important things like that too without everybody going “What a weak little woman, amirite?”

      Not to mention the whole implication that anything stereotypically female is bad…

  52. Lou

    Well, if the stabbing hits your lungs in the right way, you get to experience both, because you die from drowning as your lungs fill with blood…

  53. Xain

    Stabbing is bad but I feel like that would be less stabbing and more the initial incision in life saving surgery

  54. Tomas

    She didn’t even bring up the never-minding until after she had leverage. She will make a fine President.

  55. Emperor Norton II

    So, initially, it seems likely that Dorothy will become Mrs. Walkerton’s new favourite. Well guess what, in the long run, she won’t. For now, sure, but not in the long run.

    Let’s assume he actually sends her the thank you card. Yes, Mrs. Walkerton will probably realise why he’s doing it, since he’s never done it before. So that will make her oh-so-very overjoyed with Dorothy! “Finally a woman that can make my son grow up to become a doctor!” Happy ending, cue the credits, right?

    But here’s the thing: We know that Walky’s mom has his life planned out for him and no interest in what he wants to do with his life*. She will treasure Dorothy not for being Dorothy, but for being an accessory to Walky’s pre-destined path…

    …That is, until the day comes when she realises that Dorothy has ambitions on her own that she is -not- going to abandon just to help Walky achieve his (read: his mom’s) goals. And that will be the day when Dorothy will be turned into the horrible succubus from at least four different circles of hell.

    So yeah, better not give Mrs. Walkerton too many hints that you are currently improving her son, Dorothy. The resulting fall from grace will only be so very much longer when it inevitably comes.

    *OK, to be slightly fair, he doesn’t seem to want to do anything with his life**, so there’s that.

    **And yes, I know he dreams about owning a bouncy castle emporium, but it’s just a lazy daydream, not a goal that he’s working to achieve.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Is one of the minor upsides to Sal being the unfavored child that her mom isn’t trying to run her life?

      1. Spencer

        I imagine Sal does appreciate the freedom she has from her folks, but she’d probably still like them to be involved in her life.

        1. Gordon

          Or at least just show even a polite interest in her.

      2. thejeff

        My headcanon now has Sal conditioned by the nuns to write perfect thank you notes for every pathetic dismissive gift her parents send. It’s really the only thing the nuns managed to accomplish in her years there, but that bit stuck.

        The parents of course expect it from her and barely notice, but will be overjoyed when they get one from Walky.

        1. No Name

          That and avoiding blasphemy. I can’t have been the only one to notice her weird aversion to taking the Lord’s name in vain.

  56. What Was The Question Again?

    STABBED, always STABBED, not even a question.

  57. Bicycle Bill

    In my case, you’d have to do both.  I take a lot of killing.

  58. Cephalo the Pod

    Write the “Thank you” note while talking about your feelings!

    1. WubLub

      This kills the Walky.

  59. Chaucer59

    Oh FFS. Just stab the little turd, Dorothy.

  60. Hielario

    I’m so thankful for the fact that my parents never fed me that bullshit and i’m too socially stunted to get it from other people XD.

  61. Gareth

    If we were being honest how many of us would would chose to write the thank you note?

  62. Harvey Janus

    Just get your duplicity out of the way Walky, it will be better in the long run.

  63. KHNO

    And you’ve got to be used to sign (books) with two and twice as much gifts! For mine, my secret was a sticker I made I just had to stick on any thank you note I wanted.

  64. Roborat

    ref alt-text:

    Hey Sir Willis, have you written a thank you note to Maggie, thanking her for writing all those thank you notes?

  65. smooti

    Out of curiosity, which one is the older twin, Walky or Sal? I feel like this has probably been stated somewhere actually, but I can’t for the life of me remember.

  66. Plasma Mongoose

    I do feel sorry for Walky in this one but only because I’m a man.

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