261

Vicariously
Posted on September 3, 2013 by David M Willis

261 thoughts on “Vicariously”

  1. utahrapter3

    So his parents don’t know he is gay yet? How will they react?

    1. piemanpie24

      They know he’s gay.

      1. utahrapter3

        Thanks for responding, I’m new to the David Willis comics and I only read DoA and some of Shortpacked.

        1. Toad

          They don’t know he’s decided to be not-gay yet.

        2. Arkadi

          Well, he’s just told them hasn’t he.

        3. Heatth

          No other David Willis comics is placed in the same continuity as DoA, so having read them is not relevant here. Piemanpie24 knows Ethan’s parents knows he is gay because this was made explicit in-comic. I don’t remember when exactly, though.

        4. demonichate

          god, i stop reading for a week and i forget their names, but it’s amazi-girls alter ego that tells you. the whole thing about having to help him with his family when he came out to them.

        5. Starscreamer

          Sal knew Ethan before college?!!!

        6. djaevlenselv

          I think we were explicitly told to cut that out 😉
          Seems Willis is getting tired of certain antics.

        7. Kilo

          Which of Amazi-Girl’s alter egos? Pretty sure there are like five of her.

        8. Ocbrad1

          I forget which strip it was, but it was Ethan and Joyce’s date at Galasso’s, when Amber confronted Ethan. He referred to how difficult things became when he came out in high school. Presumably that includes the parents.

        9. Gneiss

          There’s better evidence more recently (like 30 strips ago) where Ethan’s mom accuses Amber of being so bad at dating that she turned her son gay.

        10. Arkadi

          No -she “made him think he’s gay”. Ethan’s mum refuses to accept that her son *is* gay; he’s merely confused and stuff. And it’s all Amber’s fault. Flawless motherly reasoning.

        11. xKiv

          At least that’s what she tells Amber.

        12. OmegaDez

          Yeah, but it’s already been mentioned they know in the Dumbing of Age universe. 🙂

        13. Squall

          Waitwaitwaitwait. You’re new here and you got top comment? you are amazing.

        14. Thor

          Getting “top comment” is a thing? What? Is this 1996 again?

        15. das-g

          Gallaso brought the 90ies back, too.

        16. Rex Hondo

          It’s not as obvious as when he brought the 80’s back, since none of the 90’s presidents are dead yet for him to resurrect.

    2. The Candyman

      Oh I think they know. It’s probably why they’re giving him a hard time now.

    3. AngryBamboo

      they talked to amber a couple weeks ago our time and told her they blamed her for “making” ethan gay and amber has alluded that some of what inspired her to become amazigirl had to do with helping ethan with the fallout of coming out.

    4. Lone Wolf

      It’s not so much that they don’t know he’s gay as it is that they don’t want to accept that he’s gay.

    5. Rex Hondo

      Considering how much shit she gave Amber for “turning their son gay”…

      1. Totz the Plaid

        No, I’m pretty sure they blame him for “making him think” he’s gay.

        They don’t believe the fact that he is indeed gay.

        1. Rex Hondo

          *Looks back at the archives* That’s right…

          …and actually, somehow, quite a bit worse.

        2. Totz the Plaid

          Definitely worse. At least as far as Naomi goes. Saul… well, we don’t know what he thinks.

        3. Squall

          He’s a cardboard cutout of Batman’s father.

        4. Opus the Poet

          And you just made him worse than the least-effective father in all of comics…

        5. Arkadi

          He probably has what my dad calls “an in-built spring”: it’s in his neck, and makes him automatically nod in agreement at anything his wife said.

        6. Jon P

          I assume you mean “blame *her”, and if so, yeah. If you click back on either Naomi or Saul’s tag, the only other time they’ve appeared was walking into the dorm and meeting Amber whereupon Naomi had an icy conversation with her, blaming her for being “so bad at dating” that Ethan “thought” he was gay.

        7. utahrapter3

          -sigh- Good luck Ethan

        8. Totz the Plaid

          Yes, I did mean “her” as in Amber. I don’t know how I managed to type exactly the wrong word. *shrugs*

        9. James

          Dispite Word of God?

      2. Cheryl

        There is somthing sexy about your gravatar….cant put my finger on it though….

        1. Rex Hondo

          It’s the beard. Chicks dig the beard. 😉

  2. Maki

    Everyone is literally doing it.

    1. Doctor_Who

      That’s what college is for.

      1. AngryBamboo

        there’s a time and a place for everything and it’s called college.

        1. saltchocolate

          My best friend’s motto was: “Do things in college that will make you cringe as an adult.” When else??

        2. Doctor_Who

          I know I did!

          Heheh…ramen beer.

        3. saltchocolate

          Heh!

        4. Cringe-worthy

          vodka fruit loops.

          For the record, vodka does not make a passable milk substitute, no matter what you have been told!

        5. taekwondogirl

          However, it does mix well with Dr. Pepper!

        6. Rex Hondo

          White Russians, on the other hand…

        7. The_Master

          How did you make that?

        8. Doctor_Who

          It’s just exactly what it sounds like. Ramen soup made with beer instead of water.

          I’d claim the alcohol helps, but in hindsight it probably mostly got cooked away, so I really have only myself to blame.

        9. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

          :O

          Tell us the secret of Ramen beer, Herr Doktor!

        10. SaltPeter

          SaltChocolate, sounds like your parents haven’t done the ol’ “drag your baby pictures out to show your date” thing recently.

        11. Buckybone

          The only problem with that is we have Facebook now. The Internet Is Forever.

    2. Kernanator

      Including in their offices!

      1. Aizat

        And the broom closet….which begs the question what about the broom closet that people wanted to make out in them?

        1. Mr. Random

          It’s so clean they wanted to make it dirty.

        2. Curacaobill

          This explains SO MUCH.

        3. Totz the Plaid

          Probably because if they time it right and the janitor’s elsewhere, nobody will walk in on them.

          Also, the chemicals might get them high while they make out/screw.

        4. Historyman68

          They wanted to “sweep together.”

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        Especially on top of the photo-copiers. 😀

  3. Tunaro

    Just keep diggin’ yourself deeper there, Ethan…

  4. Aizat

    Did Ethan just read the past few strips? He’s just like Black Hole from Kinnikuman.

  5. AngryBamboo

    okay, Blaine almost doesn’t count because i can’t imagine how you could be a worse parent than him, so in that context, naomi is my least favorite of all the parents.

    1. Rex Hondo

      Also, Saul doesn’t count, since Naomi’s obviously just driving him around like Spock in “Spock’s Brain.”

  6. timemonkey

    Ethan, don’t wear horizontal stripes.

    1. LiamAldam

      Panel 3 makes him look like a mime.

      1. Doctor_Who

        He’s trapped in an invisible closet!

        1. Paul

          Shh shh, quiet, hurry up and get in the closet…

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Doctor Who: Best comment I seen today.

      2. Kernanator

        Professions where breaking into song is discouraged.

        1. Rex Hondo

          Great, now I’m picturing Ethan as Prince Herbert from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

        2. Totz the Plaid

          To quote the great Colin Mochrie:

          “I’m a MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!”

      3. Chronos

        I think we need a picture of Mime Ethan.

        1. LiamAldam

          See Panel 3 but imagine his hair is a giant beret.

    2. Aizat

      Well, he is a prisoner albeit a figurative one.

  7. eyss

    his mom has the worst hairstyle just throwing it out there

    1. Aizat

      She couldn’t make the fro work for her, I guess.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        The ‘fro is weak with this one.

        1. saltchocolate

          I see what you’re doing there, Plasma.

  8. Aizat

    Wait, Saul speaks?

    1. The Candyman

      It’s actually his mustache that’s talking.

      1. Aizat

        So, Saul is dead but his mustache is controlling his dead body, then?

        1. Rex Hondo

          I’m sure being married to that woman has left him dead inside. Does that count?

        2. Aizat

          Yes…and a moment of silence for Saul.

      2. AgentKeen

        Imagine if Saul’s mustache and Sal’s hair could get together, we’d have the beginning of a race of sentient hair.

        I ship it.

        1. Aizat

          You know what? I’d ship it too..at least it’s not Faz.

        2. Rex Hondo

          Doctor Bone’s (That’s what I call Joe’s dad, now) beard might give the ‘stache a run for its money.

        3. Ocbrad1

          But imagine the master follicle race such a ménage a 3 (see what I did there) could begat!

    2. Keroshino

      Awww…I was hoping that he would be given little talking chances..,

      And all he would ever say is “Yes Dear” or “No Dear”

      1. Totz the Plaid

        “So.”

        That’s not much dialogue, Keroshino… I’m fine with Saul just having short monosyllabic lines here and there.

  9. The Candyman

    Ethan’s “my head is being slowly devoured by a black melon” haircut is actually really noticeable here.

    1. Rachel

      And this is even post-haircut!

      1. The Candyman

        I never saw any change in his hairstyle anyway.

        1. Leorale

          The new one is angled, that slope from the top to the back. The old one was perfectly round, like a melon.

  10. John

    Why is Ethan wearing an old-school prisoner outfit? Is it some kind of social commentary?

    1. Doctor_Who

      He feels imprisoned by his parents.

      When Joyce shows up, he will spontaneously develop a ball and chain.

    2. Totz the Plaid

      I don’t see a black sport coat and numbered badge with a picture of a penny farthing on it…

      Oh, wait, you meant a prison inmate, not Patrick McGoohan’s character from “The Prisoner”. Oops.

    3. Jack Finch

      Willis just wants to draw more stripes.

  11. Bloody_Jerk

    They will hate you even more, when they find out the truth, Ethan. Also, wanna see what happens, when they’re parents meet.
    I need Popcorn for that shit.

  12. Geegles

    Ethan suddenly looks very old here. Not OLD old but old. I’m not sure why.

    1. The Candyman

      Shortpacked old? In that case I’m seeing it too.

      1. Paul

        Make it three.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Ethan’s going to go gray very early in life, isn’t he?

    3. Ragnal

      I think it’s either the shirt, or that his head looks weird in the first and last panels.

    4. Nono

      I think it’s the hair and the shirt combined. Plus long sleeved shirts rarely make someone look young anyway, unless they’re comically oversized.

  13. Lavaticmay

    Ethan, stop breaking the fourth wall, that’s twice now, three slip up and you get them taken away.

  14. Plasma Mongoose

    Their gaydar sure is super-sensitive.

  15. Rachel

    Something tells me that despite despising the idea of Ethan’s gayness, they’re not going for this!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      They have watched Dr. Phil, they know that the gay just doesn’t go away.

      1. Totz the Plaid

        …or they think he’s lying to make them happy.

        1. Leorale

          If so, then they’re not that far off the mark.

        2. Totz the Plaid

          Well, there is a difference between lying to them and lying to himself, and he does technically have a girlfriend.

  16. Gram91

    His mother seems very disappointed with him, while his father seems more confused how to deal with him now.

    1. AngryBamboo

      that isn’t a confused and concerned eyebrow, it’s a deep scar from his time in the military where he learned a lot of the unfortunate anti-gay sentiment that he and his wife express today. unfortunately he too is secretly a homosexual and will eventually throw himself at his next door neighbor kevin spacey and subsequently end his homoerotic curiosity in a tragic murder-suicide that brings a whole bunch of other tenuously connected plotlines together.

      1. Paul

        NO. Naomi is not, and could never be, the beautiful and exquisite Allison Janney. I will not permit this line of reasoning to continue.

        1. AngryBamboo

          i do love me some Allison Janney…Dayum, dat neck, girl.

        2. Jon P

          Hmmph. I had genuinely forgotten Janney was in that movie.

        3. Kernanator

          What movie is this?

        4. AngryBamboo

          american beauty

  17. Kernanator

    This is going to be fun. And by “fun”, I mean “infuriating”.

    1. Aizat

      Well, there is an F, a U and an N in “infuriating”. Besides, it’s not as infuriating as that Steak Me Amadeus…or Frost and Fire.

      1. Kernanator

        The who-what-now?

        1. Aizat

          The former is an episode of Regular Show and the latter is an episode of Adventure Time.

        2. timemonkey

          Are those real things?

        3. Aizat

          Yes, Steak Me Amadeus was the season 4 finale of Regular Show. Frost and Fire pits the Flame Princess against the Ice King.

        4. Yotomoe

          Tonight was basically Closure night, though.

        5. Leorale

          I thought you meant like, Amadeus Amadeus, steak me Amadeus. Oooh, Amadeus.

        6. Rex Hondo

          You’re thinking of “Stake me, Amadeus” from Mozart: Vampire Hunter.

        7. Roborat

          Dammit, now I have that Buffy musical episode stuck in my head

        8. Kernanator

          Wait, I think I heard of those episodes. Yeah, I can see why those would be infuriating.

  18. Kernanator

    While I’m thinking of it, has Saul’s expression changed at all since he first showed up?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      When botox goes wrong, it goes oh so very wrong…

  19. Ragnal

    I’m convinced that Ethan’s mom is some female version of Galasso and his dad is one of those “yes dear” types.

    Like, his expression so far hasn’t changed from what I perceive as worried confusion.

  20. Najaru

    Ethan’s dad has all of ONE facial expression. So far, anyway.

    1. Paul

      With a good comb, Ethan could absolutely impersonate his father.

      1. Leorale

        He would wear the comb under his nose.

        1. Pebblerocker

          SNOL!

          (I snorted out loud.)

  21. Yotomoe

    I got a lot of homework so I’ll keep this short.
    FUCK YOU ETHAN. FUCK. YOU.

    1. timemonkey

      If Ethan had someone fuck him it might sort a few things out.

      1. Varangian

        This right here is the unvarnished truth. It may even be “troof”.

    2. Regalli

      Pretty much.

  22. BayoWolf

    Hey, Saul does still have the same expression on his face. Guess I wasn’t too far off on that wish.

  23. Rex Hondo

    Never has Ethan wished to be Batman as much as he does right this moment.

    1. AngryBamboo

      so his parents could be dead?

      1. Aizat

        Well, that and doing that old Stealth Hi Bye thing that Batman loves to do.

      2. Rex Hondo

        Bingo!

      3. AngryBamboo

        i’m gonna stick with dead parents, final answer, Regis.

        1. AngryBamboo

          because we all know batman is a standup, take him as you see him kind of guy, and would never vanish just for the sake of convenience or drama, or to make someone look foolish. that’s clearly not how batman rolls.

    2. timemonkey

      So he could spend his days staring at Dick Grayson?

      1. Aizat

        Well, everybody in the DCU loves Dick.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        Worse, he wants to dick Grayson. 😀

  24. Varangian

    “I have constructed a tower of lies for myself, mom and dad! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?!”

    “We’re not buying it, but we don’t actually accept that you’re gay, either. Basically you’re fucked either way.”

    “….yaaaaaaayyyyyy”

    1. Aizat

      Well, at least he’s not a country rock singer with hit albums like “Yes, I lied”, “Lies, lies and more lies” and my personal favorite “Lying like an angry woman”.

    2. Leorale

      Yeah, that sounds right!

  25. Gottawonder

    A good friend of mine asked me along for support, when he came out to his family. His dad calmly walked into the next room and put his fist thru the wall. Then he came back in to the room and said, ‘you are my son and I love you and we will never speak of this again.’
    His parents never changed their attitude toward him, treated him same as always. They simply would not discuss “it”. Ten years later he brought his signifigent other home to meet his parents, making it very plain they were more than roommates, without ever saying ‘it’ out loud.

    His parents were fine with it and treated them both as if they were a married couple. As long as they never said ‘it’ out loud.

    Odd, but it worked for them.

    On the other hand, a female friend of mine came out to her parents at 13 and they accepted her choice fine and were very supportive.

    No family is the same. Nothing Ethan does is going to be ‘fine’ with his mother, ever. She will die trying to assign ‘blame’ to somebody, anybody for what Ethan is. His Dad will accept it, looks like he has anyway, he’s puzzled by it, but accepting it.
    I think maybe Ethan’s problem is that he hasn’t, not really. It would be good for him if he just say “I’m gay, Mom. Live with it”. It might shut her up.

    1. Shadow12000

      13? Seriously? She had to have just hit puberty not too long before. How in the world could she be absolutely sure she was into the ladies without actually, you know, trying?

      The best case I’d guess would be that she was the kind of person who quickly commits to things. Take for example, someone who decides that drums are awesome and immediately buys a drum set. This either leads to them actually sticking with the drums for life or moving on to something else at some point in time and repeating the process over again.

      The worst case I don’t even want to mention because that’s just rude to think about.

      1. David Willis

        She probably knew she was into ladies the same way I knew I was into ladies at 13. My brain told me, over and over.

        Not sure why this is hard to believe.

        (Also girls hit puberty at an earlier age than boys, starting at like ten.)

        1. Tristan B.

          The great Willis has spoken. May all take heed. *bow*

        2. Jelli

          Hell, in kindergarden I used to have a boy chase me around the playground trying to get a kiss*. I let him catch me too.

          *Kindgarden kiss = I like you, I mash my face into your cheek, I tell everyone we’re now married.

        3. Groove

          Exactly, it was well before I was 13 that I knew what I wanted as far as sexuality went, and I never had any doubts about it. As a teenage boy especially, your body gives you lots of hard to miss hints about what you’re attracted to.

        4. Roborat

          If memory serves, as a teenage boy, one was attracted to just about everything, including inanimate objects. That thing would come up for air at the worst possible times.

        5. Ocbrad1

          ‘Zactly!

      2. Chrissy

        I knew I was gay at 12. I hit puberty at 14. The idea that adolescents don’t have a sexuality is absurd.

        1. Doctor_Who

          Yeah, by the time I hit 13, 80% of my brain’s runtime was devoted to boobs. No questions of what I was into.

        2. Opus the Poet

          Only 80%, or did you include other female body parts in the mix as well? My 13YO self was like 67% Boobs, 25% Butts, 10% Cars, and 1% Everything Else. My grades plummeted those 2 years.

        3. Doctor_Who

          I liked legs, too.

      3. Robin

        You make it sound like coming out is like becoming a nun forever. So what if she later discovers she’s actually bisexual, or asexual, or homosexual biromantic or bisexual aromantic, or… etc? Or maybe even straight with an exception?

        Who she’s attracted to, is not a choice. Her label is a choice. And she can choose to pick another label if she later thinks that label fits better. There is no limit in how often she can change her label.

      4. Kas

        I always knew I liked girls. I wasn’t consciously aware of it until later (when my sister came out and I went “wait, liking girls and wanting to kiss them IS an option?!”). That was even before I was 13, though. Granted, I wasn’t *sexually attracted* to girls (or anyone, ever), but that’s not the only type of attraction that matters.

      5. Rex Hondo

        As far back as I can remember, I always thought that boobs were awesome. Even before I knew about any of what was going on down south, boobies were just the best. 🙂

        1. Ocbrad1

          They still are!

        2. Rex Hondo

          Well, yeah. I just figured that was a given. 😉

      6. SHAZAM

        If I as a guy can know I like girls at 10 I’m pretty sure a girl can too. In fact I know a girl who’s 16 and has been out for quite a few years. And now wants to be called Jamie. Oddly enough when my best mate met my roomate who’s 19 and a lesbian he thought that was too early to know you were one weirdly.

      7. timemonkey

        I knew I was gay when I was eleven, and looking back there was significant evidence before that.

      8. Narf

        Wow, “Shadow,” what the hell is even wrong with you?

        “Your friend knew she was gay when she was 13? Pfeh, she was either flighty and committed too fast, or something else that I’m going to allude cryptically to and present as negative, and HERP A DERP DERP I’M CLEARLY AN AUTHORITY ON SEXUAL DESIRES AND THE WAY THEY MANIFEST THEMSELVES DERP HERP.”

        Swallow a little of your own self-importance before you hit the comment button next time, dude, it’ll go over better.

      9. Hotsauce

        I knew I was exclusively into ladies without, y’know, trying when I was in second grade. But I’m hetero, so nobody thinks that’s unusual.

    2. Roborat

      I suspect a lot of the time, they know their child is gay long before he/she comes out to them. The Glee episode is my favourite example of this.

  26. Cyth

    Maybe this is where Ethan will learn that lying to himself and his parents and everyone else about this will not make him any happier. But so far his track record has been pretty shit on that so my hopes aren’t very high. Ethan is high on my wanting to smack list, (Ignoring certain parents) At least Joyce has the excuse of batshit loco religious parents in regards to her views and has showed signs of growth as a person.

    1. silvestercrow

      Speaking of Joyce, there is a certain guilt trip we need to get back to. God vs. Joyce’s friendship! Damn it Willis, how long must we wait to see if Joyce caves? I feel like I’m watching a show and the episodes are released in a jumbled order, like when cartoon network picked up 6teen!

      1. Roborat

        Yea, watching Sailor Moon with my daughter was like that, the episodes, and even seasons, were all mixed up, I never had any idea what was going on. The changing voice actors didn’t help either.

  27. Cas A Nova

    The way their expressions do not (or do not appear to) change is priceless. They literally are just like blank angry facing him. Well, she is. Saul is just one eyebrowing his son in confusion I think.

    1. Cas A Nova

      I take that back. Her eye brows become even more furrowed and angry in the last panel, my bad. Seriously.
      I can just see my parents in this. It’s almost uncanny.

      1. Groove

        And technically Saul’s expression could have changed quite a bit behind that fabulous mustache.

        1. Cas A Nova

          This is so true. See, so many expressions, all of them disappointed!

        2. silvestercrow

          Sorry I meant to comment on someone else

    2. silvestercrow

      Speaking of Joyce, there is a certain guilt trip I think we all should get back to. God vs. Joyce’s friendship! Who will win? Damnit Willis, we need to know!

      1. Baker

        Maybe she’ll just tell Dorothy what she’s up to with Ethan, and see if Dorothy reacts the way Sarah expects.

  28. David

    Well, we are in serious “not buying it” territory. Even if it matches the simplistic world view they pretended having when terrorizing Amber.

    Disclaimer: any use of plural pronouns is not intended to imply that Mr. Seagal is permitted to have an opinion of his own.

    1. Cas A Nova

      The disclaimers makes a valid comment ridiculously hilarious and somehow even more valid. Ace job, you rock. <3

  29. Dewey

    Yeah. Nothing like good ol’ homophobe parents.

    Came out a decade as bi. The parents still tell me they’re unhappy with my female partners when I mention them… and this is with them knowing that the male ones tend towards the less pleasant side.

    Yeah, Ethan is taking the long route to being comfortable with himself, but you get enough shit from important areas of your life as well as yourself and you don’t want any extra trouble. Eventually a lot of people reach the stage where they run out of the ability to care about others opinions, but it’s hard until then.

    1. Alex

      If homophobes exist, do not homophiles also exist?

      All the homophiles. All of them.

      1. molochmachine

        luckily, I’d say a vast majority of homophiles are gay.

  30. Leorale

    So much of Ethan’s life is about what everyone else is doing.

  31. Alex

    I just like the phrase “Vicariously Horny Future Grandparents”. It could be a band name.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Or a satirical superhero show like TMNT.

      1. Alex

        What weapons would such grandparents use? Walking canes? Wrinkly toys? Hard candy machine guns? Fresh baked cookies of doom?

        1. Jereko

          Punctured condoms.

        2. Alex

          I’m not sure those would make very effective weapons.

        3. Chronos

          They give them to their enemies to use.

        4. Rex Hondo

          Guilt.

          And pictures of relatives’ kids, like this one of your cousin Janice’s new baby, and isn’t she adorable? How could you not want to have one of those little bundles of joy? I don’t ask much. I just want to be able to hold a grandchild some time before I die. Is that so much?

        5. Narf

          “No, mom, I guess it’s not. It’ll be tough, I know, and it might take a while… but I know that they’ll eventually see reason and let you adopt a new baby. Have fun with the constant crying and stream of bodily fluids – no idea why you’d want to do that AGAIN after all these years, though! Haha!”

          Iunno, man, it could work. 😛

  32. Bunivasal

    Ethan’s new haircut is cute, he said, mastering the urge to preface that with a “I’m not gay but” like a huge asshole.

    1. ninja_jesus

      Good job. Gay people don’t like huge assholes… 😉

  33. Brian Lynch

    So. That shirt. Does Mr. Siegal work at Shortpacked?

    1. Ucchan

      That’s what I thought when I saw it. Hopefully Saul will mention some clues in the comic regarding his profession.

  34. Darnel

    Sad Sigh.

  35. wynne

    That haircut isn’t working, Ethan.

    Also, as much as I hate the elder Siegels, Mr. Siegel’s eternal “perplexed with a mustache” face is wonderful. I hope that he’ll turn out to not be terrible like his wife (though if that were really true he’d have fucking said something by now).

    1. Paul

      He might not be terrible, per se, but just completely henpecked into submission. That kind of relationship between Ethan’s parents might explain quite a bit about Ethan’s personality, actually.

      1. Rex Hondo

        “Listen to your mother, son. She knows what she’s talking about. She managed to turn me gay years ago.

        1. Narf

          Boom! Oh man, that was pretty good.

          (Also, LONG LIVE FREE NOVA SCOTIA!)

        2. Roborat

          Just watched that episode.

  36. newllend

    You know I would have respected him more if he decide too not tell them, that entire relationship is a lie since he’s using Joyce as a stepping stone in his little identity crisis, and after amber spends all that time trying too convince his parents not to throw away there respect for him he’s does this.

    I’m sorry if somebody disagrees with me and I’m not character bashing but,THE HELL with ethan he’s nothing but a hypocrit

    1. Alex

      Definition of HYPOCRITE

      1
      : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
      2
      : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

      Hmm…

    2. Daibhid C

      Yeah, I would have respected him more if he’d bravely stood up to his parents, defied their intense disaproval of his lifestyle and admitted, to both them and himself, that the relationship he got into to deny said lifestyle to himself is, in fact, a lie.

      But I can’t totally blame him for deciding not to. I don’t know what I’d do in his situation, but I’m prepared to bet it wouldn’t be the right thing.

      1. Regalli

        Yeah, but he’s still in the “I can just pretend to be straight and everything will be normal again!” thing he was in before. He needs to change before he’s able to stand up like that. I say give it another couple weeks in-universe before he realizes that.

        1. Greenygal

          Ah, so sometime in 2016.

  37. Rex Hondo

    He’s only uttered one syllable, but in my head, Saul sounds like Thomas Wayne from Batman: TAS.

    1. Aizat

      Can’t wait for Ethan to say to his fear induced hallucination of Saul that line.

  38. GrrArg42

    I’ve decided his dad only actually HAS one eyebrow.

    1. Totz the Plaid

      I accept your headcanon and have made it my own… at least until proven otherwise.

      1. Chronos

        I love that word, “headcannon”. It always makes me think of a guillotine.

        1. Narf

          I’m honestly curious and not trying to be a smartass (for once – it’s kind of a strange feeling) – in what way would a guillotine qualify as any kind of a cannon? It doesn’t use an explosive charge and doesn’t launch any projectiles (thumping softly into a basket full of straw and sawdust doesn’t count as being “fired,” imo).

        2. Chronos

          Headcannon = “Cannon that fires heads.” (yes, I know that’s not its actual meaning)

          Where would such a weapon get its ammunition? A guillotine.

          Now I have the mental image of Marie Antoinette’s head being shot out of the Headcannon while she’s screaming “Let them eat cake!” I’m… not sure if that’s better or way worse…

        3. Rex Hondo

          It always makes me think of a Klingon skull gun, introduced in one of the post DS9 novels. It’s exactly what it sounds like, a gun surgically implanted in someone’s head, usually fired out of the mouth as a surprise weapon. A vast majority of Klingons regard it as completely insane, since even they know that having a loaded gun inside your head can not end well.

  39. Fox

    D’awww. I just wanna hug Ethan and give him a cookie.

  40. narmenduke

    K, if they’re just going to be awful to their son, why’d they even come?

    1. Norj

      I think you just answered your own question.

    2. Biege

      to be awful to their son, obviously.

    3. madd

      How are they being awful? In the first panel, both parents look awkward. Dad seems like he’s trying to break the ice and mom looks unsure of how she feels. She has angry eyes in the last panels, which, from her standpoint, are justified. Their son, who told them he was gay, is now telling them that he has a girlfriend. Either he put them through drama for nothing, or he is lying now. Neither is guaranteed to make the parents shiny, happy people.

      1. Shade

        Meanwhile, Dad continues to look awkward, and Ethan looks like he knows he’s full of crap.

      2. Rex Hondo

        Or they could reassure their son that they love him and support him during an emotionally confusing time instead of treating him in such a way that he feels he needs to try to not be gay in order to gain their approval.

        And by “they,” of course I mean Naomi, since Saul is simply an empty husk being controlled by Naomi-tentacles hidden below panel.

  41. SiggimusMaximus

    This strip got infinitely funnier when I couldn’t stop picturing Naomi as Galasso with a jewfro.

    1. Thor

      Could some people of the Jewish persuasion weigh in on whether the term “jewfro” is racist or not? I believe I have heard both Matt Stone and Art Garfunkel use it to describe their hair, but I don’t know if this is one of these “it’s only okay for us to use it” terms or not. FWIW, Wikipedia considers the term used to describe “a curly hairstyle worn by certain people usually of Ashkenazi Jewish descent” to be a humorous portmanteau.

      1. The Candyman

        I’ve used the term to describe my own hair plenty of times, but then again I’m not Jewish, so take that as you will.

      2. Rex Hondo

        Not Jewish, myself, but I imagine that since “Jew” is not an inherently racist term, neither would “jewfro” be. It could potentially be considered racist depending on context, but then so could any word descriptive of ethnicity, religion, or sexual preference.

  42. Jack Finch

    Vicariously Horny Future Grandparent Society

    Should be a thing.

    1. Ocbrad1

      Now THIS sounds like a band name!

      1. Jack Finch

        And their hit album “Your career don’t hug me”.

  43. hof1991

    This is all heading to a massive drama fest at the only restaurant we know exists. I expect Blaine will be there too, Dorothy, the Walkys, Joyce and parents. It will all be straightened out there, except for Ethan.

  44. Biege

    wait wait wait wait…

    Naomi was mad at amber for making Ethan “think he was gay”. thus implying she believes he’s not gay and thus should like women. but now she seems mad at him for having a girlfriend.

    so, was she just being a bongo to amber for the sake of it and accepts he’s gay, or is she just a horrible person all together and will be mad at everyone regardless, even if they’re doing what she wants?

    1. madd

      Also possible that, when she first found out that Ethan was gay, she went in to denial mode and has now moved in to accepting that he is gay. Doesn’t mean she’s accepting of him being gay. Not to mention that, if she’s accepted that he is gay, this means he is either lying about the girlfriend or probably deceiving some girl. Not things that would make her happy.

      1. Greenygal

        She was yelling at Amber for making him think he was gay less than an hour ago. If she actually thinks that Ethan is gay, then she was pretty unfair to Amber earlier.

        (Then again, maybe the problem is not that the Siegals can’t believe Ethan, but that they don’t. He is delivering this news with an air of “Look, will it make you happy if I say this?”)

    2. Chubsius

      Yeah, I’m thinking Naomi’s switch from sad awkward to angry has more to with how ridiculous Ethan is acting. They went through a period of intense drama, anger, and bongoiness with Ethan wants to just roll it back like it was no big deal? I’d be pissed too if I had to go through all that and then be told it was all for nothing.

  45. PokeyPuppy

    Nothing Ethan has said would make a parent happy, normally. He went from saying he was gay, to saying, “What if I tell you I have a girlfriend,” (not actually SAYING he has a girlfriend), and then telling his parents they can act like morons in response to this. From Naomi’s viewpoint, it’s not him realizing he’s NOT gay, it’s him acting ridiculous, so yeah, I would guess she’d still be unhappy with him. Just my take on it.

  46. Leonou

    I’m starting to get an “awfull parents” overload ….

    I demand more Saruyama family screen-time !
    They can celebrate adopting Sarah by taking Sierra’s familly to the dinner ! Awesomeness ensue.

  47. Love is Mathematical

    A tiny downward shift in Naomi’s eyebrows reveals the difference between concern and annoyance. It’s amazing.

  48. Shade

    I thought this one was kind of funny. In the first panel, Naomi seems kind of sad, and then in the last one she’s like “Really?”

    Funnies aside, can we have some happy times soon?

  49. Wallace Wells

    guy needs a haircut

    1. Kernanator

      You mean aside from the one he already had?

      1. Wallace Wells

        I mean actually cutting his hair. Too long.

  50. MaNomANom

    Can I just point out the beautifully subtle work Willis did with Naomi’s eyebrows? In the first panel they look vaguely concerned, but by the final panel they have ever gently migrated into actual irritation/anger. Well done!

  51. Thor

    I just want to say that Ethan’s stand-up routine still needs a lot of work.

  52. Arkadi

    I… don’t think that’s how it works, Ethan.

  53. CP

    People would be largely a lot better off if they’d stop worrying about sex so much in the first place. It isn’t healthy to feed those interests for a good long time after they manifest, anyway, so why is everyone so supportive of having people decide about their sexuality so early on?

    Not to mention that desires are not at all what determines your sexuality. If it were, people would have to recognize bestiality and pedophilia and many other predispositions as no different from being attracted to a certain gender. It’s your intentions and your actions that determine your sexuality, not your attractions. People are NOT slaves to their hormones.

    1. Tenn

      …

      Well, you got the first and last sentences right. That’s something.

      1. David Willis

        I-I’m pretty sure that likening homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia means I have to remove this person from my website.

        But I’m just too in awe of the tonedeafness of it all.

        1. CP

          I think you probably misunderstood me, as that was what I was explicitly not doing.

        2. Azaph

          Except that the implication in
          “If it were, people would have to recognize bestiality and pedophilia and many other predispositions as no different from being attracted to a certain gender”
          is that the ONLY difference between pedophiles and gay people is whether or not they actually act on their desires. Which is offensive in itself, is MORE offensive because there are actually people who act upon pedophillic desires (unfortunately), and is even MORE offensive because, as mentioned below, you’re not correct in saying that orientation is defined by action, and you said that if it were true that orientation was based on attraction, then pedophillia would be ‘no different’.
          As also mentioned below, the major difference is one of consent, though there are other differences too. And I’d disagree that either pedophillia or bestiality are ‘orientations’ exactly, that comes down to a debate on what, exactly constitutes ‘orientation’, which I hesitate to start.

    2. ninja_jesus

      I… I think you should go. That would probably be the best for everyone here. Go before someone sees how offensive you just were in comparing gender attraction to an unorthodox sexual fetish (bestiality), and a mental/psychological illness born from years of abuse (usually sexual abuse) as a child (pedophilia), and completely shuts you down by listing all the ways that you are utterly wrong.

    3. Tenn

      Ah, what the heck, let’s do this.

      People would be largely a lot better off if they’d stop worrying about sex

      True, if only because people largely would be better off if they’d stop worrying, period.

      It isn’t healthy to feed those interests for a good long time after they manifest

      That really depends on the individual, and how they feed those interests.

      why is everyone so supportive of having people decide about their sexuality so early on?

      First of all, people don’t decide what their sexuality is, only how they express it. Having said that, the answer to your question is: because everyone has the right to define and identify themselves however they want.

      Not to mention that desires are not at all what determines your sexuality. […] It’s your intentions and your actions that determine your sexuality, not your attractions.

      That is the opposite of the truth. Your sexual attractions are your sexual orientation. A person who is sexually attracted only to people of the same gender is homosexual. It doesn’t matter if they marry and have children with someone of the opposite gender (and many have) – they’re still homosexual.

      If it were, people would have to recognize bestiality and pedophilia and many other predispositions as no different from being attracted to a certain gender.

      I have no idea how you arrived at that conclusion, but let’s compare:

      Being sexually attracted to persons of a certain gender on the one hand, and being sexually attracted to animals or children on the other, are similar in that they are all sexual orientations.

      They are different, however, in that putting an attraction to animals or children into practice necessitates taking advantage of someone who lacks an adult human’s full ability to give, or not give, consent.

      There’s a whole can of worms to be opened here, if we want to bring animal rights and age of consent into the discussion, but that’s not really relevant now. The bottom line is that the answer to the question “What determines someone’s sexuality?” has no bearing on the difference between bestiality and bisexuality.

      People are NOT slaves to their hormones.

      Generally true.

      …And that’s that.

      1. David Willis

        Okay, after seeing that dude’s response to this post, he’s going in the spam filter from now on. My god, dude. Stop comparing homosexuality to various morally abominable choices, for like one second.

        1. Tenn

          Now I feel this weird mix of relief and disappointment that I didn’t get to see the response. It’s kind of morbidly fascinating to see how people manage to dig themselves deeper even when you take away their shovel and give them a ladder.

  54. Maycroft

    Let’s hope his parents get him out of this mistake… or maye just a little longer.

  55. Chase the Ace

    I’m sorry, but I love Ethan’s dad. As long as he never changes his face.

    1. Andrew_C

      I imagine he’s thinking “4 more years then I can divorce this bongo.” He’s probably counting down to the second.

  56. ThatGug

    and thats the look every young gay person fears growing up.

    Though there is hope for the next generation.

    Now let me go sleep with my boyfriend who i’ve been with for 4 years in our apartment who’s number i havent told my father despite him hinting it at least twice now….

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