145

Doublewood
Posted on May 1, 2018 by David M Willis

145 thoughts on “Doublewood”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Only one way to settle this:

    DRINK OFF!!!

    *Bartender furiously mixes drinks*

    *Jason… drinks the drinks*

    …no wait

    1. Ana Chronistic

      Balvenie Doublewood in Oloroso sherry butts

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        It took me almost 24 for this to dawn on me…yet another presentation of Butts Disease.

    2. Reltzik

      …. I think that means Jason wins.

      1. marianne

        FATALITY!

  2. King Daniel

    A…longer-haired Ruth? Ruth’s twin?

    1. Doctor_Who

      I swear I’ve seen her, but my brain just keeps returning “Ruth”.

      1. Passchendaele

        I think she’s the bartender in the back of an old IW! poster?

      2. Needfuldoer

        Other Ruth?

    2. Some Random Name

      Well, I learned there is a Walkypedia (no seriously), but the only person I can find from the Walkyverse is Penny, but we know it’s not Penny.

    3. Yumi

      My guess for this character: Angie

    4. Kamino Neko

      Bloodrose dyed her hair and finally got a full appearance.

    5. Kamino Neko

      As a serious guess…maybe she’s the bartender or DJ or whatever that he forgotten he’d drawn until he revealed her after removing the layers on a club scene? (I cannot find the post where he was talking about that…but it seems appropriate…)

      1. Keulen

        Willis talks about her here.

        1. Kamino Neko

          There’s my problem…I’d thought he’d posted it on Tumblr and was looking in the wrong place.

        2. LeslieBean4Shizzle

          Oh wow – they’re up to that arc in the IW repost. I should really go reread that sometime and get caught up on the commentary.

      2. Needfuldoer

        Wow. A character whose only Walkyverse appearance was buried in the bottom layer of a Photoshop file for a poster, where she’d hide forgotten for years until IW! went into retrospective reruns.

        The deepest Walkyverse cut, indeed.

        1. Thores

          My guess for her name: Leia.

    6. SpaceshipPilot

      She must be a relative of Ruth. Her name must be… Hope “Hopeless” Lessick. Alternatively, Amy “Aimless” Lessick.

      Or can anyone else think of a better -less pun?

      1. Pablo360

        A-less. (She didn’t do very well in school.)

      2. Amazi-Stool

        Bar-less!

        She’s a bar-tender bar a bar!

  3. AnvilPro

    She isn’t even wearing a bowtie

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Even though they’re so damn cool.

      1. Screwball

        As cool as a fez tho? And no, I do NOT misspell Faz…

        1. LookingIn

          Faz in a fex- coolness squared!

          Faz in a fez wearing a bowtie? Coolness we can’t comprehend

        2. Screwball

          “Yes, indeed. And I have this chart to prove why it is so…”

  4. tyranidswarm

    If you’re the real bartender then where’s your bow tie?

    1. Kernanator

      What does bartender need with a bow tie?

      1. (((Mkvenner)))

        Bow ties are cool.

        1. Jaime

          Also fezzes.

        2. King Daniel

          As opposed to Fazzes. No bartender needs a Faz.

        3. Screwball

          But what about Faz wearing a fez?

        4. LookingIn

          That’s coolness squared. The only thing cooler is Fez in a Faz with a bowtie

        5. 3oranges

          A fez is graet.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        The same reason God needs a spaceship I guess.

      3. Reltzik

        I think you’re supposed to tie it around your bicep?

  5. Regalli

    Well at least this only lasted just long enough to further the chaos.

  6. jeffepp

    Hey, Bartender!

    One Bourbon, One Scotch, And One Beer.

    1. Screwball

      …Five Cougars thanks…

      Not Aussie? Look it up on YouTube. Even Daniel the Human laughs at it… ?

      1. Screwball

        Found it…
        https://youtu.be/AlDXTc8IJ7c
        Don’t have my HTML shortcuts on this mobile, so it’s a boring old link today…

      2. Stellar

        And a slice of lemon

  7. mschmidt62

    Wow. Balvenie Double Wood, my favorite.

    1. hof1991

      Sounds like a golf club.

  8. Kernanator

    Kill the usurper.

  9. John Smith

    Well, if you were the bartender you’d be behind the bar. You are not, ergo you are not the bartender.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Redhead goes home to have an existential crisis.

    2. StClair

      That’s logic.

    3. Ana Chronistic

      she’d be TENDING the bar

    4. Reltzik

      ….. wait, do bartenders get potty breaks?

      ….

      ….. MIND BLOWN!

    5. hof1991

      Plus she may have carried an order to a table, to help the wait staff.

  10. Schpoonman

    Right now I’m Patrick bring home groceries screaming “Who are you people!?” at his house.

  11. Haven

    Unfortunately, the Disguise bonus conferred by the bowtie is not enough to overcome the Sense Motive bonus of actually being the person impersonated.

    1. Reltzik

      Shouldn’t have gone with the Mathematics class. They don’t have Disguise as a class skill.

      ……

      …… well they do, but it’s called isomorphism, and the DM refuses to pronounce that.

      1. Loki

        As both a math person and DnD player, thanks for that joke.

  12. DailyBrad

    Is this an all-ginger staff

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Ken.

      1. Yumi

        Sayid

        1. King Daniel

          Pamela?

        2. Ana Chronistic

          Conquest??

        3. King Daniel

          Dina helped Becky wait on tables her first day on the job, does she count too???

        4. Needfuldoer

          Lucy works there, too.

      2. DailyBrad

        Clearly, Ken just dips his hair in ink every morning.

      3. Tacos

        But Akuma clearly has red hair.

  13. Passchendaele

    But does she have a bowtie? nope

    also, still crying from IW! ;-;

  14. foamy

    There can only be one!

  15. Sunny D

    I was trying to think of something clever to comment, then I would look at Jason’s face and start laughing too hard to think.

  16. Yumi

    Aw, but Jason looked so happy in his new job.

  17. Some Random Name

    Boo Willis for not telling us who the redhead is especially when Googling only gives me Penny as an answer (which is definitely not correct).

    1. Yumi

      I don’t know what you would Google for that. I looked through the characters section on Walkypedia, and my guess is someone named Angie.

      1. smparadox

        I don’t know if she was tagged when these comments were made, but she is now as I read the strip. My best guess is therefore “Barb”…

    2. Amazi-Stool

      It’s definitely the unnamed bartender that Eulen linked to.
      Link repeated for your convenience.

  18. DailyBrad

    Hey Jason, what did YOU learn at college?

    Red Snapper, Kamikaze, Long Island Iced Tea!
    Fuzzy Navel, White Russian, and a Sex on the Beach!
    Margarita, Bloody Mary, Sloe Gin Fizz!
    And he learned to make ’em all on the rocks, with a twist!

    1. Wright

      He learned a slippery nipple and a white russian.
      A neutron bomb and a manhattan.
      A dry martini and a pina colada,
      a purple hooter and a bahama mamma.

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        Other real drinks Jason might be asked to make:

        Juicy Lucy
        Hail Mary
        Joe Collins
        Wild Irish Rose
        Amber Moon
        Brandy Daisy
        Sarah Cocktail
        Jennifer’s Kiss
        Alice in Wonderland
        Aunt Agatha
        Arnold Palmer
        Spencer Cocktail
        Grace Cocktail
        Mandy Sea
        The David
        Hanky-Panky

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          Don’t know how I could have missed these:

          Becky with the Good Hair
          Copper Penny
          Mustang Sally
          Malibu Stacy
          Poor Richard

        2. nightshade

          what no black friar ? although if you drink those regularly you’ve given up on life ……. .

        3. Marsh Maryrose

          You may have noticed a theme behind the drinks I listed. 🙂

    2. hof1991

      Plus there’s local drinks. Wisconsin bar tenders have to know that a Old Fashioned is a Brandy Old Fashioned Sweet unless specified otherwise. And a Brandy Alexander requires good quality ice cream, not half and half. Seriously, we have a small menu of ice cream based drinks here.

  19. Nono

    CHEEZ IT, ITS THE BUZZ!

    1. StClair

      The jig is up!

      1. King Daniel

        God, I drunk to swear I’m not Ociffer.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Ociffer is the best though

        2. FacelessDeviant

          What seems to be the officer, problem?

      2. Reltzik

        Well, Jason gave it his best shot.

    2. StClair

      (alt)

      STOP! YOU VIOLATED THE LAW!

  20. Tacos

    And now I’m expecting everyone wanting to know the names of all these characters.

    1. (((Mkvenner)))

      I could care less.

      1. Yumi

        So you do care

        1. Reltzik

          Maybe. Or maybe negative-caring is a thing.

        2. 3oranges

          That is the literal meaning. And people never use phrases in a way opposite of their literal meaning.

        3. Lieutenant Dan

          Yeah, I just love when people do that.

        4. Needfuldoer

          At least a little.

        5. Deanatay

          Someone needs to higher (hey hey)
          Some cunning linguist

  21. Side One

    BUSTED!! This is usually the part where sheer gumption gets someone a job!

    1. Tacos

      Jason must show his superiority to Galasso by ruthlessly overthrowing his predecessor to get her job.

      1. Reltzik

        Old bartender: “I am quite happy to serve American beer in order to put the customer in their place.”

        Jason: “What? WHAT? THAT’S A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY!”

        Galasso: “You have too many scruples to work for me. Abscond from my establishment, and take your foolish ethics with you.”

        1. King Daniel

          Foolish ethics, as opposed to Galasso ethics.

  22. BBCC

    Oh, Jason and Walky. This is going to be interesting.

    Also, for anybody using Microsoft, a new TOS comes into effect today. You should familiarize yourselves with it.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Will it affect Vista users? Because if so, I may need to read up.

      1. BBCC

        I’m not sure. It says its for all services.

    2. hof1991

      Yahoo and Google are also rolling our CYA language, so they can continue to sell your info.

  23. Morrison

    Is that the bartender or DJ (I can’t remember) from that strip or poster of the main cast dancing and your removed three layers and found her there last year, swearing to put her as your newest character in dumbingofage?

    1. Kamino Neko

      If I hadn’t been trying (and failing) to find the post, I’d have beat you to this guess!

  24. OBBWG

    Here is the link to the deepest deep cut from the Walkyverse. See the July 8, 2017 strip for more details.

    1. King Daniel

      Willis’s commentary on it, for anyone who wants a link.

      1. Morrison

        The deepest cut indeed!

  25. Keulen

    Does the real bartender have a name? I think she needs a name.

    1. Kamino Neko

      Beck G. Rounder.

    2. Stellar

      Margarita Cuervo

    3. Delicious Taffy

      Dannan O’Flaherty

    4. Marsh Maryrose

      Elsie Marley.

      Elsie keeps rum, gin, and ale
      In her house below the dale,
      And every tradesman, up and down
      Does call and spend his half-a-crown.

  26. Reltzik

    Absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan, and I unreservedly endorse it.

  27. Stellar

    If recent strips are anything to go by, the first two panels of the next strip are first Jason, then Walky being flung through Galasso’s doorway.

    Always do the heaviest work first…

    1. Inahc

      damn, you’re probably right. I was hoping for the galasso-is-impressed ending.

    2. BenRG

      Either that or Jason hits it off with Bartender Lady. Walky still gets thrown out but she covers for Jason. A drunken and resentful Walky is left wandering the town.

      1. Stellar

        It probably depends on whether or not Jason has been collecting payment for the drinks and how large the tips have been for him to pass back to the barkeep…

  28. Deadjolras

    Everyone Calls Her “Barkeep”.

  29. Danni

    how good is her cosmo though?

  30. BenRG

    “You can’t be the bartender; you don’t have a bowtie!”

    “Actually, someone usually tells me that two or three times a shift.”

    1. Deanatay

      She has boobs. This will shut up most of the drunken naysayers.

      1. Inahc

        sadly, I’d expect that to turn it into “you’re too pretty to be a bartender!” instead. :/

  31. Bagge

    I like her already.

    1. Pablo360

      I’m gonna sign up for Patreon so I can vote for her in the next Patreon bonus strip.

  32. newllend(henryvolt)

    Walky:….*Gasp* you mean you’re not the bartender !? The bow tie is a lie !

  33. DarkoNeko

    but you don’t have a bowtie !

  34. Graham

    Darn it, now I need a Balvenie double wood. And it’s only 7:30 in the morning.

  35. Pidgey

    NO I’M SPARTACUS

    1. Dave M

      Or to quote Life of Brian “I’m Spartacus and so is my wife!”

  36. Rex Vivat

    THEN WHERE’S YOUR BOWTIE??

  37. Rateus

    In which case, where the hell have you been?!?

  38. cakemage

    This is unrelated to this particular strip, but the other day I made a post on my tumblr that while I had wanted to make a Gay-Bi-Lesbian/Distinguished-Functional-Disaster meme for Voyager, I quickly realized that it wouldn’t work for that fandom because every single character on that show is a complete disaster, which is, admittedly, part of the appeal for me. I then considered making one for Walkyverse/Dumbiverse, but ran into the exact same problem. Every character in these universes is a walking catastrophe regardless of continuity, and Historical Jesus help me if that’s not part of why I love them all so much. If nothing else, these characters make me feel better about my own disastrous life choices.

    1. Ainara

      I can’t find it rn, but Willis actually made a DoA version himself. And yes, all three categories were labelled “disaster”.

  39. CJ

    She’s not tagged. Does this mean the background will swallow her again and Jason will keep the job?

  40. Koms

    Hacks the hacked muzak and plays Mr. Bartender by Sugar Ray….”Mr. Bartender
    Mr. DJ
    Make me feel good
    I got fired today
    Don’t wanna be at home alone tonight”

  41. FacelessDeviant

    *Stands up* No, I’M the bartender!

    1. Deanatay

      “I’M the bartender, and so is my wife!”

    2. MK15

      I’ll do you one better. *Why* is the bartender?

  42. Guest42

    But where’s your bow tie?

  43. Nenja

    I must admit I don’t understand the hover text today is about. Maybe it’s because I havn’t read all of It’s Walky? Can somebody explain?

    1. Deanatay

      The bartender (like many of the characters in DoA) was originally in It’s Walky!. This character is apparently VERY obscure, having appeared only once, in some promotional poster?

      1. Kamino Neko

        She didn’t even appear in the poster…Willis drew her, then layered on the main characters in a way that blocked her out, then forgot about her until he decided to remove the upper layers while redoing the image for a modern web resolution. (A couple people posted the link above. Since I’m too sleepy to trust my html skills, I’ll let you seek the links yourself.)

  44. Sam

    Her: “Galasso never told you. I *am* your bartender”
    Walky: “No, no, that’s not true”

  45. hof1991

    The bar keep is experienced enough to recognize two drunks goofing around and not being very funny.

  46. AeroQC

    BUSTED!

  47. Puckish Rogue

    No one does a smarmy “please slap me” expression quite like Walky

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