To be honest, we still haven’t seen enough. I always pictured them as the exact opposite of Mike. Kind on the outside but assholes on the inside. They will make you feel SO welcome in their house you will jump out a window to escape.
Mike isn’t a jerk with a heart of gold. He’s a jerk with a heart of jerk. Peel away the outer layer of asshole, and you’ll just find more asshole.
Mr. Random
There are arguments for him being a jackass to people in order for them to grow up. Making Ethan feel bad about HIDING his sexuality, forcing Walky to choose between remaining a tiny kid in pajamas or grow up and compromise with his girlfriend. Thing is, he LIKES being an asshole. He enjoys it. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t doing the right thing too. He could definitely find a different way of doing things. He chooses not to.
Gordon
Because he’s the hero that DoA deserves, but not the one it needs right now…and so they’ll tolerate him…because he can take it…because he’s not a hero…he’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector…the asshole.
As Amasi-girl is the face and the light. Mike is the dark hero.
John
Yeah. Mike’s an interesting case. While other asshole characters, like, say, Mary or Malaya or even Billie, are jerks to people who don’t meet their standards – usually petty bullshit standards that they’re not very good at meeting themselves – Mike’s assholery generally takes the form of holding people to their own standards and exposing them to the worst consequences of their own actions.
And while this often results in teaching his victims lessons and making them better people in the long run, it’s still not clear to me, even after knowing Mike for thirteen years in two worlds, and seeing that he’s capable of enormous self-sacrifice, whether he actually does it in order to teach them lessons and make them better people, or whether he does it just because he likes to hurt people, and the most effective way to do that is to make them hurt themselves, with any self-improvement being a side effect.
But either way, there’s an element of instant karma to his gambits.
Nyzer
I’d say it’s not one or the other, but both. He does seem to want to see people improve, but he definitely likes being a troll about it.
But it’s probably not even THAT simple. He’s also shown traces of masochism, and a very slight inability to comprehend how damaging his behavior can be (Dina).
DarkVeghetta
Perhaps you meant ‘sadism’?
Nyzer
Rereading this a year and a half later, no, I did not mean sadism. In Shortpacked, Mike is actually excited when he manages to provoke Amber into attacking him. He also acts as such in DoA when Amazi-Girl throws him to the floor, thinking he was the Whiteboard Ding-Dong Bandit. He also allowed himself to be assaulted by people after spoiling Harry Potter books the day of release in Shortpacked, despite being a supersoldier in that universe.
Fred
Fractal asshole? Assholeception? Yo dawg, I heard you like assholes, so I put an asshole in yo asshole so yo can be a jerk while yo’ a jerk?
Okay, one of us is wrong. I got 35. Did either of you use Strong method?
Andiemus
I used Farringanzibar’s rule and got 35X where X is the mean circumference of Mike and the mom in question’s heads.
Josh
Farringanzibar’s Rule? That is so outdated, the Yipikaiyay Principle is the generally accepted method these day.
Fred
According to the Turnippuller Monkey method, it’s 1. Then again, it’s an abridged version of Farringanzibar’s rule that assumes that the conditions in Melophilus’ Theorem aren’t met. I didn’t check those, really, ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.
Walky: Hey Mike I banged your mom and afterwards she gave me a cookie. So I gave her a nickle in return.
Yotomoe
The news the next day:
Mrs. Walkerton and Mike Warner were seen having sex in the middle of the campus, for 9 hours straight. The only word Mike had on the subject were “I got 5 nickels, dick”
Aras Pabedinskas
Walky: So my mom is worth more than yours? *Eyebrow wiggle*
173 thoughts on “Hugs”
Mkvenner
Well they haven’t changed.
Mr. Random
To be honest, we still haven’t seen enough. I always pictured them as the exact opposite of Mike. Kind on the outside but assholes on the inside. They will make you feel SO welcome in their house you will jump out a window to escape.
Beachfox
Mike’s parents have also appeared in Shortpacked!.
It appears their personalities remain unchanged across the dimensional divide.
Jackson
Mike isn’t a jerk with a heart of gold. He’s a jerk with a heart of jerk. Peel away the outer layer of asshole, and you’ll just find more asshole.
Mr. Random
There are arguments for him being a jackass to people in order for them to grow up. Making Ethan feel bad about HIDING his sexuality, forcing Walky to choose between remaining a tiny kid in pajamas or grow up and compromise with his girlfriend. Thing is, he LIKES being an asshole. He enjoys it. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t doing the right thing too. He could definitely find a different way of doing things. He chooses not to.
Gordon
Because he’s the hero that DoA deserves, but not the one it needs right now…and so they’ll tolerate him…because he can take it…because he’s not a hero…he’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector…the asshole.
edgecrus3r
That. Is. Brilliant.
Lord Geovanni
As Amasi-girl is the face and the light. Mike is the dark hero.
John
Yeah. Mike’s an interesting case. While other asshole characters, like, say, Mary or Malaya or even Billie, are jerks to people who don’t meet their standards – usually petty bullshit standards that they’re not very good at meeting themselves – Mike’s assholery generally takes the form of holding people to their own standards and exposing them to the worst consequences of their own actions.
And while this often results in teaching his victims lessons and making them better people in the long run, it’s still not clear to me, even after knowing Mike for thirteen years in two worlds, and seeing that he’s capable of enormous self-sacrifice, whether he actually does it in order to teach them lessons and make them better people, or whether he does it just because he likes to hurt people, and the most effective way to do that is to make them hurt themselves, with any self-improvement being a side effect.
But either way, there’s an element of instant karma to his gambits.
Nyzer
I’d say it’s not one or the other, but both. He does seem to want to see people improve, but he definitely likes being a troll about it.
But it’s probably not even THAT simple. He’s also shown traces of masochism, and a very slight inability to comprehend how damaging his behavior can be (Dina).
DarkVeghetta
Perhaps you meant ‘sadism’?
Nyzer
Rereading this a year and a half later, no, I did not mean sadism. In Shortpacked, Mike is actually excited when he manages to provoke Amber into attacking him. He also acts as such in DoA when Amazi-Girl throws him to the floor, thinking he was the Whiteboard Ding-Dong Bandit. He also allowed himself to be assaulted by people after spoiling Harry Potter books the day of release in Shortpacked, despite being a supersoldier in that universe.
Fred
Fractal asshole? Assholeception? Yo dawg, I heard you like assholes, so I put an asshole in yo asshole so yo can be a jerk while yo’ a jerk?
Jackson
That answers one question.
Yotomoe
But how many more questions will it raise.
SUGauthor
27 exactly.
MichaelHaneline
Recheck your calculations, I got 42.
Mr. Random
Okay, one of us is wrong. I got 35. Did either of you use Strong method?
Andiemus
I used Farringanzibar’s rule and got 35X where X is the mean circumference of Mike and the mom in question’s heads.
Josh
Farringanzibar’s Rule? That is so outdated, the Yipikaiyay Principle is the generally accepted method these day.
Fred
According to the Turnippuller Monkey method, it’s 1. Then again, it’s an abridged version of Farringanzibar’s rule that assumes that the conditions in Melophilus’ Theorem aren’t met. I didn’t check those, really, ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.
ThaMojster
Didn’t John McLane develop that method?
Sensedog
“The feels.”
Plasma Mongoose
She might feel something alright… 😀
Aizat
Not a good time for morning wood, I’d imagine.
Aras Pabedinskas
Not a good time to have your blood pumpimg from embarassment, either.
Farmer_10
Ha! Dangly parts.
Aizat
Darn it, Phil-Ken Sebben.
Wonder Wig
The nights… the nights are so cold Walky.
JBO
Anytime I see them again I have to say I would have turned like mike too with those parents.
CanvasWolfDoll
i theorize they are actually exactly like mike.
they are just always drunk.
JBO
And because he was concieved while both parents were drunk Mike is now unable to be happy while sober. Thus continuing the devil’s circle.
Doctor_Who
Those are pretty much MY parents, and I pretty much DID.
JBO
You have my condolences. Do the cookies at least taste good? Because I like cookies.
Doctor_Who
The chocolate chip are heavenly. But sometimes there are instead. Those are the bad days.
Nothing against raisins in their place, but they should never substitute for chocolate chips.
Anon
Oops you accidentally a word!
For everyone else, “But sometimes there are (raisins) instead.”
I know that was probably obvious, but I’m just trying to help anyone who might not have immediately understood.
Doctor_Who
After midnight, I are dumb.
Aizat
I won’t.
otusasio451
The awkward…IT IS TOO MUCH!!!
Gil
so many people were basically right lol. also, Mike’s parents are friendly?!?
Aizat
Very friendly.
Bob
they are in the original walkyverse. If the characterization is consistent between universes, Walky’s about to get his pants filled with cookies.
Aizat
Oh, I love cookies, especially chocolate chip. Too bad I can’t eat them at the moment.
Yotomoe
Which is not where you want cookies.
Neospector
I beg to differ. Jeans can carry quite a lot of cookies and fabric softener smells nice.
Plasma Mongoose
Mike’s mother just gives away her cookies to just about anyone? That explains Mike so much.
Leorale
She doesn’t even ask anyone for a nickel. It’s scandalous, really.
TaZZerath
As opposed to Nachitos?
MajesticSpaceBen
I’m a tad confused. Where in the walkyverse do the Warners appear? I’m surprised I don’t remember them.
Bob
Shortpacked, chapter 10 and whatnot.
AsimovSideburns
I know they show up in Shortpacked!, but I’m not sure if they ever did in any of the others.
There first appearance is here:
http://www.shortpacked.com/2009/comic/book-10/01-this-man-this-manhattan/oatmeal/
AsimovSideburns
Okay, first: Their*
Goddamnit.
There is no second item on this agenda.
Jen Aside
Mrs. Warner knows what’s up.
[not Li’l Walky… yet?]
Yotomoe
Am I gonna need to draw more Rule 34? With that connotation it could get pretty nasty.
Plasma Mongoose
Like that would stop you. 😀
JBO
Walky: Hey Mike I banged your mom and afterwards she gave me a cookie. So I gave her a nickle in return.
Yotomoe
The news the next day:
Mrs. Walkerton and Mike Warner were seen having sex in the middle of the campus, for 9 hours straight. The only word Mike had on the subject were “I got 5 nickels, dick”
Aras Pabedinskas
Walky: So my mom is worth more than yours? *Eyebrow wiggle*
Plasma Mongoose
+1 LIKE
JBO
Well you paid mine 1 nickel for 5 minutes.
I paid your 5 nickels for 9 hours. Do the math.
Mr. Random
Walky hates math. And it’s the sexy kind he doesn’t like here.
Aizat
Mike: I hope it’s chocolate chip because that’s the last thing you’d ever tasted.
Kaci
We need to remove the chain because this is off it
Sam
MIKE KNOWS.
Aizat
She’s so affectionate.
Super Duper
I’m not sure if this is the most hilarious or creepiest thing in history.
isitsevenyet
Creepy. Definitely creepy. People demanding hugs out of others just… irritates me to no end.
Aizat
You know, I was expecting Mr. Warner to smoke a pipe. You know, like dads do back in the 50’s…or how TV portray dads in the 50’s.
David
Walkyverse Mr. Warner did. This version’s a decade or two younger.
Also, smoking’s not allowed in the dorms.
Doctor_Who
You could give him an e-cig?
Plasma Mongoose
…or a bubble pipe.
Belades
Where would one get a legit bubble pipe anyways? And how the heck would one make it work?