267

Sushi
Posted on March 12, 2015 by David M Willis

267 thoughts on “Sushi”

  1. Jen Aside

    Here’s how to do it, Joyce:

    Step 1: Get a rubber band
    Step 2: Roll up your chopstick wrapper–

    *gets lynched by chopstick purists*

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Or just use fingers…

      1. JustCheetoDust

        And look like you know what you’re doing? Never!

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Watch the Japanese in Japan eat sushi, you will notice the lack of chopsticks.

        2. JustCheetoDust

          http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/483/894/463.jpg

        3. snogglethorpe

          Er, no you won’t, as many many Japanese do indeed eat sushi with chopsticks… That doesn’t mean all do, or that you have to, of course.

      2. Robbzilla

        THIS.

        You can also authentically eat Thai food with a fork and spoon. I believe most Thai people use the fork to wrangle the food into the spoon, and eat it from the spoon, but don’t get me lying. Chopsticks are totally optional at a Thai restaurant. I always use fork & Spoon there, and chopsticks in Korean, Chinese, and Vietnamese joints. Man… I think I’ll get either Korean or Vietnamese for lunch today after thinking about them… 😀

      3. Deanatay

        This is JOYCE, the girl who is so neat-freakish that she separates her tacos before eating them. What makes you think she’ll actually touch food with her fingers??

      4. John Merklinghaus

        Or use a single chopstick to stab the sushi.

        1. Tacos

          Apparently it’s considered rude to stab food with your chopsticks.

    2. Viktoria

      Step 1: Take a chopstick
      Step 2: Break the end so you have a sharp point
      Step 3: Spear the food as you would with a fork

      Of course, my 4-year old cousin can eat anything with chopsticks, so maybe I’m just spiteful.

      1. LeslieBean4Shizzle

        The trick that I found worked was to only try to move one of them. Hold one like you would pencil, and secure the other in a solid, unmoving grip. Then the “pencil-hold” one does all the moving and is no harder than, say, drawing.

        1. LeslieBean4Shizzle

          (Drawing as in making graphite appear on paper, not drawing well, mind.)

        2. begbert2

          Despite having a fair bit of experience holding pencils and drawing, I’ve yet to get that method to work for me either. Besides not finding any good way to hold chopstick 2 in a “solid, unmoving grip” with my back three fingers, I also discovered that I was completely unable to maneuver the end of chopstick 1 relative to chopstick 2 (perhaps due to depth perception issues), and when I tried to pinch the chopsticks together there was no force behind it, because that’s not something you do with a pencil. Every effort resulted in the chopsticks twisting past one another and popping out of my grip, and I have never, ever picked anything up with chopsticks.

          tl;dr: Yeah, as IF it’s that easy.

        3. Kryss LaBryn

          The bottom one goes right in the crook of your thumb, wedged against the webbing, and held in place against the side of your ring finger at the end (curl the finger in slightly), and the side of your thumb pressing it against the knuckle of your index finger and the end of your ring finger. It doesn’t move.

          The top one rests against the side of the first segment of your index finger up from the knuckle, with the end held between the tips of your thumb, index, and middle fingers. It moves up and down by pulling those fingertips (still gripping the chopstick firmly) back towards the palm, or pushing them out away from your hand, pivoting against the side of your index finger.

          If the bottom one isn’t staying in place then use your middle finger to help hold it in place, and just use your thumb and index finger on the top one.

          You will probably find it easier to use the disposable bamboo ones in the beginning; the washable lacquered ones are a bit slick; the disposable ones have more grip, both on the food and your fingers. Take a (disposable) pair home to practice with. 🙂

        4. Cybersnark

          See, I don’t use my ring finger at all:

          Bottom one is held between the tip of my middle finger and the base of my thumb (and rests against the side of my hand near my index finger).

          Top one is held between the tips of my index finger and thumb (and rests against my index finger).

          (I’ve found a trick is to roll my wrist a bit as I pick things up –basically using the chopsticks as a hook rather than relying on gripping force.)

        5. El Chupacabre

          turn your hand sideways such that the thumb is pointing up and the rest of your fingers are pointing towards your body. lift your pointer finger slightly, and curve the rest of your fingers slightly in. Place one chopstick so one end rests on your middle finger, and the middle of the chopstick rests on the fleshy pad between your thumb and pointer finger. hold the other chopstick between the tips of your thumb and pointer finger, which should cause your thumb to push down on the first chopstick, immobilizing it.

        6. David M Willis

          I’ve always held a pencil wrong, so that advice has never worked on me.

        7. Heavensrun

          +1

        8. Yet_One_More_Idiot

          People have told me that I’ve never been able to hold a pencil properly either, apparently I grip it too tightly at the wrong angle and too close to the pointy end. xD

          I would use one chopstick like a spear. Or build a fork out of several chopsticks and rubber bands. 😛 Or just use my fingers.

          Ahh, truth be told I’d probably avoid the whole issue in the first place by going to Frankie & Benny’s instead. 😀

        9. overdosed

          i could never hold a pencil right but some how the meathod mentioned beforehand works all the time with me

        10. das-g

          Same for me. I’ve always held pencils and pens “wrong”, which means I can’t write long texts with them without getting some cramp-like feeling in my hand. Thus I prefer to write on keyboards (computer or typewriter). (Making short notes manually or drawing is fine, though.) Of course, I can hold the pencil right, just like I can hold chopsticks right-ish, but due to lack of practice, I cannot write when holding it like that.

          Eating with chopsticks, on the other hand, works just fine for me. (Might need a little practice when I haven’t used chopsticks for some while, but I’ll quickly get the hang of it again.)

        11. Rycan

          Yeah, that seems to be the main downside. Also why I absolutely loathed tests in college that required a lot of writing.

        12. Deanatay

          AHA! Holding the pencil wrong! That must be the secret to your COMIC GENIUS! I’ll tell THE WORLD!!

        13. Rosie

          No complaints here.

        14. Tacos

          Same here.

      2. Disloyal Subject

        It should be sharp enough anyway. It doesn’t take that fine a taper to skewer things.

      3. Bill

        Hey — I called it yesterday.

      4. Orbit Junkie

        They’re sharp enough already, breaking them is only going to season your sushi with splinters.

        1. ninja_jesus

          You’re on a roll with the alliteration. Yesterday and today.

        2. Deanatay

          ‘On a roll’. You meant that as a sushi pun, right?

        3. ninja_jesus

          Suuuure, let’s go with that.

        4. Orbit Junkie

          ^ My life in a nutshell.

      5. timemonkey

        Pretty sure stabbing your food with the chopsticks is very rude.

      6. Opus the Poet

        My Mom made me learn how to eat with chopsticks at age 5 so we could eat with the nice Japanese family down the block when we lived in on the North Shore of Oahu back in the ’60s. I can still eat that way and most of the food makes it to my mouth.

    3. Kris

      Or you know use a fork because you’re in America. Seriously if you can’t use them you can’t use them.

      1. Mr. Random

        I used to be like her.
        Then I practiced at every restaurant I could, stealing a few in my pocket so I could keep practicing. Then I took an arrow in the knee. And I could do it. Because I practiced.

        1. Doctor_Who

          Shame you don’t have an arrow in both knees. Then you could use them as chopsticks by opening and closing your legs.

        2. JustCheetoDust

          That’s easier said than done.

        3. otusasio451

          You…you practiced taking an arrow to the knee?

        4. CptNerd

          If you want to get good at it…

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          If you want to use chopsticks but really suck at using them, just use tong chopsticks.

        6. MeghanTheWorldEater

          And who’s the moron that failed to name these tongsticks?

        7. Marisa Mockery

          Does that mean you married chopsticks?

      2. Scoops

        Except sushi is not easy to eat with a fork.

        1. Barf Ninjason

          Everything is easy to eat with a fork.

        2. Anonymous

          This is true.

        3. Sailor_Arashi

          Soup?

      3. Time Sage

        Or you don’t use silverware at all cause it’s a finger food >.<

        1. ninja_jesus

          But what if you wanted to dip your sushi into shoyu? I’d slap the hell out of the hand who tries to put their fingers into my sauces. >:(

        2. timemonkey

          But what if it was THIER sauces?

        3. Robbzilla

          Most Sushi places have little bowls available for that. I personally don’t just much Soy sauce, so I just smear a dab of wasabi directly on my roll and munch. Cutting out the middle man and all that.

        4. Kryss LaBryn

          You don’t put your fingers in, just the side/end of the sushi.

          I mean, people share chip dip without putting their fingers in or getting grossed out by the communal sauce, right? Same manners apply: No fingers; no double-dipping.

        5. Sailor_Arashi

          Are you entirely submerging your sushi in the shoyu?

          Would you perhaps just like a glass of shoyu to drink then?

        6. ninja_jesus

          I’m not that gross. 😛 But I always use chopsticks to dip my sushi/sashimi in any sauce. It’s a cleanliness thing.

    4. otusasio451

      See, I disagree. I feel that it’s more complicated than that.

      Step 1: Nestle the topstick at the joint of your index finger and thumb.
      Step 2: Grip the bottom stick with the tips of those fingers.
      Step 3: Practice opening and closing.
      Step 4: Attempt to grip food.
      Step 5: OK, you lost it that time, but try again. You’ll get it!
      Step 6: Now, now, don’t get frustrated. Just try not to drop the sticks this time.
      Step 7: How did that sushi end up on the ceiling? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
      Step 8: Continue eating with your fork.

      See? Simple! Works for me every time.

      1. Doctor_Who

        http://i.imgur.com/ERjSdJm.jpg

        1. Doctor_Lantern

          Internet points for you.

    5. Kennerly

      Like a Japanese friend once told me, “If you’re still hungry at the end of the meal, you’re doing it wrong.”

      1. Barf Ninjason

        Once I ate at this sushi place with a bunch of friends, and it was good, but also kinda expensive so we didn’t get a whole bunch of food; anyway, afterwards, me and the other guy amongst us, we was all, “Man, fuck this” and then we went and got slices of pizza so we could actually stop being hungry.

        1. Robbzilla

          Yeah, been there, done that. I can eat $30 worth of sushi and still be hungry. I’m lucky to live in a town big enough to have a couple of buffets that make it worth my while. (Google Tokyo one in Dallas to get my drift). I’m talking totally acceptable sushi and sashimi that happens to be on a buffet, not some crappy Chinese buffet with a couple of dry tasteless rolls. (there are some good Chinese buffets, but I’ve never been to one that had good rolls. The Korean places do a pretty good job of them, but we don’t have any Korean buffets that I know of)

        2. Anracli

          I don’t really get people who say they aren’t satisfied after eating sushi. I’m not sure if I’m a light eater, but after two or two and a half rolls, I am done eating. I don’t eat until I feel like I’m going to explode, and I usually tend towards simpler rolls, so it’s not like I’m eating giant fried rolls.

          I’m even satisfied sometimes after one and a half rolls, especially if I’m splitting edamame with my SO.

        3. Jen Aside

          because in places like MIDWEST AMERICA, it’s like $5/plate for decent kaiten sushi, whereas if you get it in Japan, the same is only 100-yen/plate (~$.82) …like, if you ask me where I want to eat for my birthday, it’ll be Wasabi in Tysons Corner, and we’ll have an $80 tab at the end =p

          I guess you could get a Costco platter for $30, but then you’d have to kill yourself because it tastes like ass

        4. Opus the Poet

          There used to be a good Korean place over at Walnut and Greenville (not the one at Walnut Hill and Greenville) but I haven’t been by there lately (taking a different bus line to that part of town).

    6. Rycan

      Step 3: Take your chopsticks
      Step 4: Make a chopstick gun
      Step 5: Use chopstick gun to take out the guard and make your escape!

      Whaddya mean, she ain’t McGyver?

      1. Screwball

        *Uses elastic band to make bow with chopstick arrows…*

    7. ATN

      Or you could use this thing called fork

      1. MindLink

        How do you eat sushi with a fork ? I’ve tried, it’s impossible! The pieces are too large to balance on the fork, and skewering them results in a sushi-explosion.

    8. Clare

      This entire thread reminds me of that scene from my favorite year with the dim sum
      “do exactly as i do” *throws chopsticks out the window, grabs a fork* “dim sum are too hard to eat with chopsticks, don’t make yourself crazy”

    9. Screwball

      I can’t get those things to work for me, but Daniel the Human isn’t too bad with them. He even took a pic of how he holds them. Only drops things every now & again… 😛

  2. otusasio451

    Becky: Oh, I know how you can make me happy…

    1. Halloween Jack

      “When I said ‘Man, I’d really like to get my mouth on some sushi soon’, I meant… how do I put this?”

  3. shadow

    my god joyce just use a fork….

    1. Time Sage

      Blasphemy, it’s fingers or nothing!

      1. Barf Ninjason

        Let’s all squeeze our eyes shut tight and hope real hard that Joyce starts using her fingers…

      2. shadow

        i am seriously confused… what’s wrong with how i eat sushi? (and even if there somehow is, i fail to see how affects anyone negatively, so who cares?)

    2. MindLink

      Yeah, ’cause that’s sooooo much easier… (there’s a reason you get chopsticks with sushi, and it’s not because “it’s cultural”)

      1. shadow

        um, yeah. it is. you poke the rice part, as the nori part is a curved surface. not getting the point here sorry…

        1. MindLink

          Every time I’ve tried that, the whole thing just falls apart….

  4. Doctor_Who

    Took me a while to master these, but now I’m a pro.

    And regarding the alt-text, I’m totally in favor of making Osaka a verb.

    1. MeghanTheWorldEater

      Any day we find a way to turn a noun into a verb is a good day

      1. Jen Aside

        I made up a whole language just so all nouns could be verbs, even names

        “Jen Aside-ing” is “the state of being Jen Aside”

        1. otusasio451

          Doesn’t really work with numbered usernames that well. “otusasio451-ing.” Just…just doesn’t feel right.

        2. MeghanTheWorldEater

          Oh! I thought that was being first.

        3. TheGrammarLegionary

          I thought it was slaughtering an entire demographic.

        4. Wizard

          And “Willising” is the fine art of causing people everywhere to cry, as one, “Damn you!”

        5. The Master

          I love it when I manage that. 😀

        6. Deanatay

          This makes me Jen Aside-al.

      2. Leorale

        Verbing weirds language.

        1. Luke

          The technical term is “languagification”.

      3. Doctor_Who

        Surely you mean “Any day we find a way to verb a noun…”.

        I just verbed “verb”. Seven minutes after midnight, and already today rocks.

    2. Leorale

      I think Osaka as a verb might involve really daydreamy trains of thought that feature only the vaguest semblance of linear logic.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Exactly. I spend like 40% of the day doing that anyway, so having a word for it would be convenient.

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      To Osaka (VERB)
      To space out while you watch your eye-bubbles float by.

      1. Sailor_Arashi

        To Osaka (VERB)
        To wake up someone by standing ominously in the doorway hold a large knife.

        https://youtu.be/37mPoKQijj8?t=49s

    4. Azhrei Vep

      I am entirely confused by the meaning of the alt-text. Is there something special about the people of Osaka and how they eat their sushi?

      1. Swissaboo

        My understanding is that Osaka is basically considered the new jersey of japan. So in the mind of Japan, evertyhing about the way Osakans do EVERYTHING is “special.”

        1. Historyman68

          Which I think is why Naru on Sailor Moon has a really think New Yawk accent. Which I learned from Sailor Business, I think.

        2. Random832

          Though most other dubs give people from there a southern or Texas accent.

      2. Heavensrun

        “Osaka” is the nickname of a character on Azumanga Daioh, so called because she speaks with a kansai dialect. It’s a bit like nicknaming somebody Tex because they have a southern drawl.

      3. Sailor_Arashi

        It’s referring to how she’s breaking them apart in panel 2, actually.

        It’s a reference to this character and the way she breaks chopsticks from the middle (which often breaks them wrong) instead of from the tips like you’re supposed to:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PbPdjWlB9k

        1. Azhrei Vep

          Aaaah, thank you. I never could get more than an episode or two into that … thing.

          Welp, I guess that’s half the battle taken care of.

    5. Screwball

      Daniel the Human read this strip too, & now he keep saying “OSAKA’S JUSTICE WILL NEVER DIE!!”. Apparently it’s something from the Anime Burst Angel. He does like his robots. Less likely to kick me out then… 😛

  5. Yotomoe

    Just stab the sushi, Joyce. Sheesh.

    1. Tacos

      She could just use her hands I think. Sushi was originally something you ate with your hands anyways if I recall correctly.

      1. Kris

        When did our culture create this need for having to use proper utensils anyway. Was it to keep us one step ahead of the animals? I thought that was why we had large brains and opposable thumbs.

        1. Orbit Junkie

          But, we can improve on nature. We have the technology.

        2. Rycan

          Sometimes, they’re necessary. For instance, try eating crab without the proper utensils, then try eating it with (I mean picking the meat out of the legs and everything). But, when it comes to which side of the plate the fork goes on, I’m totally with you.

        3. No Name

          No, it’s to keep us one step ahead of the barbarian riff-raff, who also have opposable thumbs and large brains.

        4. Willoughby Chase

          soup

        5. timemonkey

          Much easier to eat without utensils.

        6. StClair

          Pick up the bowl, shlurp.

        7. wwwhhattt

          I remember reading that forks were first widely used by the Venetian nobility, and were derided as effeminate by the French (and probably the rest of Europe) for quite a while before they became common.

        8. torstu

          as my dad likes to say, “what separates us from animals? tools.”

        9. Tacos

          Then someone should tell that to chimps and ravens and the remaining assortment of tool-using anumals ~_~

        10. Tacos

          *animals

        11. Ari

          …Because eating things with your hands is gross? Food gets on your hand, germs get on your food. Speaking of which, does anyone know of a way to eat chips with utensils?

        12. neeks

          Carefully balanced on a spoon/fork? Chopsticks could work, as well.

      2. Quinctia

        Yeah, it’s fine to eat sushi with your fingers. I tend to use chopsticks with rolls that have the rice on the outside, just because I can more cleanly get it into a bit of soy sauce and into my mouth that way.

    2. newllend(henryvolt)

      So many freaking ways around this.

      1. Barf Ninjason

        I vote she just bites it directly off the plate.

  6. Kris

    Sushi: Emissary of the afterlife!

    1. Cybersnark

      Sushinigami!

  7. Plasma Mongoose

    And once they find out that fugu was used in the making of this sushi, Walky will get his wish…

    1. Kris

      He’ll starve before he manages to down a piece.

    2. Rycan

      Death by paralysis; being riveted in place while you suffocate. Poor Walky. McAwesome’s just had to give Drunk Mike kitchen duty, didn’t they?

    3. Robbzilla

      It’d be funny as hell if some waiter condescendingly told them that they should use their fingers, and walked away muttering about gaijin…

  8. TSB

    I hope this dinner gets even more awkward. It’s already so beautiful.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Next strip: Becky glances to her left and notices that right next to her is….

  9. Leorale

    It’s okay, Joyce, Alton Brown says they’re the original finger food.

  10. Kei

    Just grab it with your hands, nobody except assholes care.

    1. Disloyal Subject

      Funny, that’s what I always say about pancakes.

      1. LegalSeagull

        I’ve been saying the same thing about soup for years.

    2. newllend(henryvolt)

      Ya, what asshole is going to walk up to you and be like,” excuse but the way you are eating is not the proper way to eat said food please leave,” you know beside that one fancy dick waiter from that one Regular show ep.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        Or the incredibly posh people who are still unaccountably waiters.

      2. Time Sage

        *Walks up to joyce*

        Excuse me miss, you are eating that food wrong. Chopsticks are not for that type of sushi, please, use your hands.

    3. Time Sage

      Actully if the chef is japanese, they’ll probably be happy you used your fingers instead of being upset.

  11. Eric

    I am sometimes unnerved by the life experience and personality similarities (like being an exceptionally picky eater) between Joyce and my fundie ex, because Joyce is supposed to be autobiographical. These strips are the weirdest. I’m sure there’s a German word for the feeling.

    1. grantimusmaximus

      Nah, this seems more like a melancholic french kind of feeling.

      1. feli

        I’m with you here 😀
        I’m German and the only thing that comes to my mind is the french De-ja-vu thing. But I could invent something … when my headache’s gone ^^

    2. Halloween Jack

      Doppelgangerangst?

      1. quix

        Dopplegangst

    3. Lawzlo

      Just describe the feeling to a German. (S)he’ll listen patiently, then invent a sixteen letter long word for it. Within a year it’ll be in German dictionaries.

  12. Twinkle Toes the Berserker

    You know, you CAN eat sushi with your hands. In fact, that’s the only way it used to be eaten.

  13. Urukak

    Dorothy asks the hard questions.

  14. Kernanator

    I can never work chopsticks because I have the manual dexterity of a crappy robot.

    1. Orbit Junkie

      Your gravatar looks very disappointed about this fact.

      Wait, is Joyce wearing Roz’s condom-clad dildo-hat? No wonder she’s so upset.

    2. Screwball

      I can’t use them either. I’m not a crappy robot tho, I’m a Cybertronian. I’m an awesome sentient alien robot… 😛

  15. Bagge

    If you are getting tired of babysitting these three, Dorothy, just imagine how fun it will be with the entire country.

    1. DuckDuckMoose

      “If half of us don’t even like this bill, how come it’s here?”

      1. airyu

        Spoken like a true future president

      2. Rycan

        You know why. The Other Half wants that bill, and they will pass it come hell or high water, so you’d better give them both if you want to stop them.

  16. Cheryl

    lmao

  17. grantimusmaximus

    I JUST WANNA HUG EVERYONE AND TELL THEM IT’S GONNA BE OKAY. Except for Walky. He can hug himself.

    1. Orbit Junkie

      I’m going to say that from now on. “Oh yeah? Well go HUG YOURSELF! I’m out.”

      1. Cybersnark

        You should come to the Allspark and meet the swear filter.

  18. Catullus

    The first time Joyce swears is going to be about chopsticks, isn’t it.

    1. Bagge

      I’m guessing Mario Cart, if Sal leave it for long enough to let her play.

    2. Rabid Rabbit

      That or Becky not allowing her to demonstrating caring in the correct way.

  19. Ridureyu

    Well Joyce, if you want to make Becky happy…

  20. newllend(henryvolt)

    Any MORE stupid Questions ?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Is soup a finger food? 😛

      1. newllend(henryvolt)

        ….Actually, where I’m from it is.

        1. Orbit Junkie

          Where are you from, and can I join you there?

        2. Heavensrun

          I…(puzzled expression)…but….how?

        3. timemonkey

          You pick up the bowl with your hands and drink from it.

        4. Screwball

          LOL well played…

        5. Deanatay

          Frozen soup ice cubes.

      2. JustCheetoDust

        Maybe if someone ever makes a vichyssoise version of xiaolongbao.

        1. anonymsly

          I desperately want to know this answer, but fear it is no.

  21. Just Me

    Joyce, stop trying to make Becky happy and just be happy yourself. Becky had better be worth it, or there will be hell to pay.

    That is all.

  22. DuckDuckMoose

    Aw, Dorothy and Becky might actually bond over how ridiculous Joyce and Walky are!

    Poor Joyce with the ol’ chopsticks learning curve. It doesn’t help that nori can be as slippery as a greased weasel. Tempura or gyoza might have been a leetle bit easier for a beginner.

  23. Stephen Bierce

    *plays Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire”, a song which even Billy admits was glorified “Chopsticks”*

    1. tyersome

      Really? But it only has one point …

  24. Gigi

    Wasn’t it Ms. Yukari who broke apart the croquettes by using her chopsticks wrong…? Or are you referring to something else?

    1. David M Willis

      Osaka has trouble pulling her chopsticks apart until Chiyo-chan tells her how to do it properly. Osaka is amazed, and this amazement is why she’s so happy and accomplished when she pulls her chopsticks apart cleanly in that YouTube video clip everyone’s seen.

      Later, she is angry when Tomo can’t do it.

      1. Gigi

        Ohhhh okay, gotcha. I thought the hovertext was referring to the last few panels where she’s having trouble picking up the sushi *thumbs up*

  25. JessWitt

    Paying attention is overrated anyway, Walky.

  26. Wonder Wig

    The hover text:

    = = ==THE PUN
    ME

    1. CapedLuigisYoshi

      It’s an Azumanga reference.

      1. Eraserhead

        omfg yes, i love this because of that specific reference XXD

  27. Ryan

    Make her eat Unagi. It’s delicious.

    1. CanadianShinobi

      Mmmmmm unagi….

    2. WingedBeast

      If unagi were inexpensive enough, that would replace beef in my burgers.

    3. Kelly

      Ok, I like sushi in general, but unagi is not very good at all. I think I’d rather eat uni (sea urchin) than unagi

  28. Doctor_Lantern

    I feel bad for saying it, but I’m pretty good with chopsticks. Have been since the first time I tried using them years and years ago. It must be the Japanese genes in me giving me strength in chopstick prowess.

    1. Historyman68

      My parents (father especially) have been into making Chinese/Asian food for my whole life, so I got to be really good at chopsticks. Still am.

    2. Screwball

      Ah, but what about after your next regeneration? Might not have them next time…

      1. Doctor_Lantern

        New muscles… you’re right. I’ll have to remember to practice that…

  29. Cattleprod

    Well, now I’m happy I didn’t ask Dorothy’s question from panel one about yesterday’s strip.

  30. Idon'tcarenomore

    Way to go Joyce, guilt ’em all out, and chase that roll.

    The tip to hold one still and move the other, is the correct way to use chop sticks. The flat wooden ‘restaurant’ chop sticks are not easy to use, imo.

  31. Kensou

    Tonight’s Dumbing of Age has made me want to watch Azumanga Daioh again. …And that’s a desire and a phrase I never expected to make.

  32. Dean

    Those last panels are exactly the way I use chopsticks- I’m always the one asking for a fork.

  33. caesaria82

    Occasionally I relate to Walky on a deeply spiritual level.

  34. DarkoNeko

    At some point I just stab the damn things.

  35. Kitschensyngk

    Basically, you hold your chopsticks like you would a pencil, with the top chopstick between the tips of your thumb and index finger so you can bend your finger slightly to grip and pick up your food.

    I’ve eaten with chopsticks at Japanese restaurants before. I use them to eat bigger pieces of food like noodles or meat, and I’ve gotten pretty good at it with practice.

    But I will still eat rice with a fork.

    1. ninja_jesus

      Unlike me, who will struggle with eating rice using chopsticks because I’m not a quitter. 😛

      1. No Name

        How do you even do that? I know their rice is cooked to be sticky, but chopsticks just aren’t shaped right.

        1. Sailor_Arashi

          The rice isn’t cooked to be sticky. The rice you’re used to is pressure-treated to make it not sticky. Sticky is the natural state of cooked rice.

          In any case, cooked rice is extremely easy to eat with chopsticks. You can just pull large chunks of it off with them. Because it’s sticky.

        2. ninja_jesus

          Tell that to Panda Express. *eye roll*

        3. Sailor_Arashi

          Panda Express isn’t exactly know for the authenticity of their cuisine either 😉

        4. ninja_jesus

          I know that, but my family loves eating there and I really like the fried rice.

        5. Sailor_Arashi

          Fried rice is intended to be eaten with a spoon 😉

      2. anonymsly

        I like to put nonsticky rice in a bowl, then hold up the bowl and use the chopsticks to shovel the rice into my gaping maw. (The gaping maw is an important part of this process. Anything less and rice goes on the table.)

        1. Anracli

          I’m pretty sure the shovel method is how you’re supposed to eat rice with chopsticks anyway. Pick up the bowl and go to town!

        2. kelticat

          And make sure that the tips of the chopsticks are crossed for a slight fork effect.

    2. Heavensrun

      This advice at one time seriously hindered my ability to learn to use chopsticks, because I evidently hold pencils incorrectly.

      I figured it out eventually, but still.

  36. Ashley

    Joyce, your heart is in the right place.
    But no.

  37. Reaver

    Joyce it is not YOUR responsibility to make BECKY happy, because she advanced on you and you said no 🙁

    1. Rycan

      I think this concept will take a bit longer for Joyce to grasp than being nice to homosexuals did.

      1. Reaver

        It makes me sad that she feels she has to make someone happy because she said NO 🙁

        1. No Name

          Here’s a thought: Maybe Becky’s such a jerk to Joyce for the same reason poor little rich kids exist.

          Bear with me here: Joyce has given Becky everything she ever wanted (except sexy times, of course), and Becky’s gotten subconsciously tired of it, so she’s doing everything she can to get Joyce to GIVE UP on her already. Deep down though, she loves Joyce, which is why she hasn’t left yet and also why she kissed her (and was devastated when it wasn’t received). That same logic is why (at least some) poor little rich kids exist, specifically those with parents who gave them the world, like Linda to Walky, which, now that I think of it, makes perfect sense.

        2. No Name

          Hold on, to be clear, I’m not saying it’s Joyce’s fault Becky’s a jerk. That’s all on Becky, but she needs to be neglected a bit to realize there is a problem.

        3. Orbit Junkie

          I think Joyce is trying to make Becky happy because, “[Becky] had a dumb gay-hating best friend all of her life.” Not because Joyce feels guilty about rejecting her. Though she might have just a little of that too. She’s got a lot of feels going on right now.

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/02-threes-a-crowd/gunshot/

    2. Kamino Neko

      When did she say (or imply) that she was going to make her happy because she rejected her, not because she’s her best friend who’s been abandoned by everyone else in her life, and has a very good chance of ending up homeless?

    3. Heavensrun

      No, it’s Joyce’s /desire/ to make Becky happy, because Becky is her oldest friend and she loves her. I’m sure she’s feeling awful that she can’t reciprocate Becky’s feelings, and she’s also feeling awful that she’s been kinda not great about the whole gay thing before Becky came out.

  38. Time Sage

    Lesson 1: Sushi is a finger food
    Lesson 2: Use your hands
    There is no lesson 3.

    1. KSClaw

      Doesn’t that depend on the type of sushi?

      1. Time Sage

        Well yes. But the type of sushi she’s eating is of the type you eat by hand…

        I guess that’s lesson 3?

  39. Reflex76

    If I’m not mistaken, the alt-text is an Azumanga Daioh reference. I have *no* problem with that.

  40. nothri

    Joyce is channeling every encounter I’ve ever had with chopsticks.

  41. OnyxIdol

    Walky you’re an idiot.

  42. tudza

    OK, I think I get it. To Osaka your break-apart chopsticks is to split them such that the top is not split evenly. I seem to remember one scene where Osaka is outrageously happy about not doing this.

    1. Regalli

      And then she uses them as a good luck charm in the manga. There’s a bit where the others are going in for their exams and Chiyo’s got nothing else she can do so she gets a huge thing of them and splits them all one after the other.

      1. Eraserhead

        i loved that part, it was so cute and silly XD

  43. Raibean

    Sushi is traditionally finger food Joyce! Don’t die

    1. Bagge

      I find it hilarious that that is a perfect valid sentence in this context.

  44. Focal Malice

    Or, I dunno, use your fingers?

    1. timemonkey

      But then she’d have to touch the disgusting things.

  45. Messypaint

    How the balls do you make it to college without ever having used chopsticks or trying sushi?!

    1. anonymsly

      Be a massively conservative, deeply fundamentalist-religious, homeschooled girl who eats only like five things and had never even seen a black person before going to college, I guess.

  46. overdosed

    i pray for death by eating sushi

  47. The Wizard

    Use your damn hand!!!

  48. Aurickandrien

    I remember hearing somewhere that sushi was originally Japanese street/finger food, as in it was eaten with the fingers.

    Of course if you don’t get practice using chopsticks then you’ll never have the pleasure of Japanese people constantly and unknowingly belittle you by telling you how great and wonderful it is that you can use chopsticks.

    お箸が上手ですね！お箸が上手ですね！お箸が上手ですね！お箸が上手ですね！お箸が上手ですね！お箸が上手ですね！お箸が上手ですね！お箸が上手ですね！お箸が上手ですね！お箸が上手ですね！ad nauseam

    1. Random832

      There are plenty of other things you can practice using chopsticks on. Unless Time Sage is going to come in and tell me I’m wrong, noodles and plain rice (don’t try this with western style long grain rice though) are both normally eaten with chopsticks.

    2. Atlantic Salmon

      Your Japanese is really good!

      Also, you look like Burado Pitto.

      1. Trumpty trump trump

        Do you eat natto?

  49. LiquidPoison

    Dammit. Now I want sushi…

  50. Bilal Kalyal

    “DANGNABBIT! I’LL GET YOU L’IL SUSHI WHIPPERSNAPPERS WITH YER WOODEN CATTLE PROD SOME DAY!”

  51. advancecasette

    I should really go back and read more joyce and walky for terrible food antics

  52. Deanatay

    Joyce still exists in a childlike state where she feels obligated to make her friends happy so that they will like her. Friends like you for who you are, Joyce. You don’t have to spend your life pleasing them. If you do, they are not your friends.

    1. Bagge

      I think that’s what Becky tries to express here and here</A. Joyce has already defied God for her. Sushi is optional.

  53. Bagge

    There is some very real, very serious relationship drama going on here. Joyce is feeling guilty for Becky’s situation, for not being able to love her as she wanted and for how she herself and the culture she supported all her life has put Becky in this situation. Becky feels guilty for putting Joyce in that spot (and finally starts to register how stressed out Joyce is), while at the same time being annoyed for not being able to enjoying her coming-out-rush the fullest and being superstressed by… well, all the shit that can crash down on her any second. Dorothy is guilty for not having done more to help Joyce and frustrated that even a simple thing like eating dinner gets complicated. Walky is NOOOOOOPS NO FEEEEEELS and try to stay in the background.

    So I find it hilarious that all this frustration is presented in the most melodramatic fashion possible by Joyce EATING SUSHI!!!! I’M EATING THE SUSHI FOR YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU BECKY!

    1. TSB

      Great analysis, totally agreed.

      1. Orbit Junkie

        Seconded!

    2. StClair

      Yyyup.

    3. M-M

      Excellent take!! One dragon roll for you! (Sans drama)

      1. Orbit Junkie

        Dinner does not come without existential ennui! No, we can’t just “put it on the side!”

  54. Mkvenner

    JUST USE YOUR DAMN FINGERS!

    That’s what I do.

  55. Killjoy

    I have no issue with anyone using chopsticks who wants to or likes to use them.

    Any notion that one needs to or is expected to use chopsticks… no.

    Utensils are tools, they are for getting something done, the word even shares etymology with “utility”.

  56. wakeangel2001

    I’ve eaten that exact sushi, it’s not bad at all, plus it holds together well enough that you can just pick it up with your hand

  57. Odiepodie

    Does anyone know if Joyce has allergies? Currently thinking that (based on the trajectory of this meal) eating the sushi might just actually kill her…

    1. Deanatay

      Because JOEFT (Joyce Only Eats Five Things), it is unlikely that anyone knows if Joyce has seafood allergies.

      Interesting question – is freshwater fish considered ‘seafood’?

      1. Sailor_Arashi

        >Interesting question – is freshwater fish considered ‘seafood’?

        By legal definition, yes. All fish is ‘seafood’.

        By culinary definition…eh…some chefs don’t consider *any* fish to be “seafood” saying that they are “fish”, but then file freshwater crustaceans as “seafood”.

        In common use, “seafood” is any edible aquatic animal.

      2. Twirls

        if she sticks with the California Roll there isn’t any fish in that one, is there?

        1. Sailor_Arashi

          There’s crab (or more commonly imitation crab which is actually fish).

  58. chris73

    Ahh Joyce you’re a sweetheart but you can’t make someone happy unless they choose to be happy (of course we all think we can)

  59. Killjoy

    Is it just me, or is Dorothy susceptible to the facepalms?

  60. Twirls

    Fun fact – I have a friend who recently graduated from Jacob’s at IU and when I told him about this comic and told him about Galasso’s he asked if they’d been to Ami and when McAwesome’s showed up yesterday I Asked and he said it looked like it,
    so yeah!

  61. Kintrex

    Listen to Joyce here, swearin’ up a storm.

  62. Ailorn

    I want sushi…

  63. TIl

    Sushi is a finger food.

  64. TIl

    Sushi is a finger food.

  65. Lord Geovanni

    at least walky got a glimpse of my daily life but he gets sex you really cant equate mine to his

  66. Osaka

    Oh my god I can’t believe it an actual AzuDai reference DoA is the bestest! The bestest!

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