158

Bed
Posted on November 1, 2012 by David M Willis

158 thoughts on “Bed”

  1. Uniqueantique

    Payoff.

    1. AckAckAck

      A big one that is.

      1. David Burnward

        Almost as big as his eyes

  2. Teowulf

    In my experience this is how it goes just about every time.

    1. ryu

      yep

  3. Plasma Mongoose

    If the book was The Joy Of Sex, then it was worth it.

    1. Wonder Wig

      The Kama Sutra by Bob Ross?

      1. Doctor_Who

        Don’t buy the pop-up book version, you’ll put your eye out.

        1. Aizat

          Buy the audiobook version. You’ll have a great time.

        2. Wonder Wig

          Is that a happy little tree or are you just happy to see me?

        3. Yotomoe

          It’s just a happy tree, friends.

        4. Mike

          I call him “Stumpy”

        5. JasonUncensored

          According to Freud, it’s never “just” a happy tree.

          Sometimes it’s a cigar.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        I googled Bob Ross and he sure looks a lot like Kevin Bloody Wilson

        1. AckAckAck

          It’s not about his look. But it’s about his voice.

        2. Kirt Dankmyer

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raXanYjTF18

        3. John Harmon

          Why did you have to Google Bob Ross?

      3. Aizat

        The Audiobook version of the Kama Sutra as read by Keith David?

        1. Aizat

          Or Jennifer Hale?

        2. Doctor_Who

          Can I get it in Wendee Lee too?

        3. Aizat

          Sure you can.

        4. imperator

          I like Bob’s voice and I cannot lie, you other painters can’t deny, when a man walks in with a happy big tree and the ginger-fro of your dreams you get ART! (Thought up while I was strung out on a muscle relaxer, sue me.)

        5. JasonUncensored

          I want it in Marceline’s voice.

          http://youtu.be/FH3Jdqpco3s

        6. Somebody

          You mean Olivia Olson.

  4. David Herbert

    She looks so happy.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Watching him study gives her a boner.

      1. Yotomoe

        The only problem is it might poke him while he’s sleeping.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Not if she pokes him while he is still awake first.

        2. Aizat

          Suppose she have a pointed stick?

        3. AckAckAck

          Then it will turn into a stick fight 😉

  5. carl320

    He’s about to lose his eyebrows… 😉

    1. Yotomoe

      It’s Joe’s disease.

      1. Doctor_Who

        You rarely catch a glimpse of the ceiling in any of Willis’ work. I bet Shortpacked’s is covered with disembodied eyebrows, just bobbing along.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          So eyebrows are like pancake batter?

  6. Jetstream

    Brown chicken, brown cow.

    1. Tristan J

      I don’t get it.

      1. Jetstream

        Say it like that 70s porno music everyone samples for TV shows.

        1. Tristan J

          Bow chika bow wow

          I still don’t get it.

          (I’m not trying to piss you off here, I’m genuinely baffled)

        2. Humson

          Bow Chicka Bow Wow comes from old porn. Mostly when the guy is about to get it on.

        3. Tristan J

          I get that part, it’s the reference to farmyard animals I don’t understand.

        4. Bill M.

          What people are failing to acknowledge here is that early on someone tried to text bow chicka bow wow on an iPhone, and it got autocorrected to brown chicken brown cow. Someone else thought it was funnier than the whales that others had posted, and thus the start of the autocorrect chat jokes started.

        5. Luke

          It’s also a country music song. I believe Trace Adkins sung it. The video is basically a bunch of weird puppets fucking behind bales of hay.

        6. Mindset

          “Brown chicken brown cow” is apparently another onomatopoeia for the porn music more usually written out as “bow chicka bow wow”.

        7. Tristan J

          ohhhhhhhhhhhh

          I get it now.

        8. Jason

          Let’s give him/her a round of applause, everyone!

        9. Groove

          Yaaayyy

        10. AJBulldis

          I don’t think you actually get it yet.

        11. das-g

          He didn’t?

        12. ArkhamTexan

          C’mon, guys, give the full context! It’s the lunchline to a cheesy joke.

          What did the farmer say when he saw his brown chicken kissing his brown cow?

          Brown chicken brown cow!

        13. Solace

          Bless you.

        14. das-g

          “Lunch”, hu?

  7. Kernanator

    Man, I must be reading all the wrong books, then.

    1. Yotomoe

      I’ve been not reading all the wrong books. I need to compress my horizons.

      1. Aizat

        I need a study partner.

        1. AckAckAck

          A sexy study partner.

        2. Scout

          Appropriate gravatar <3

  8. Wonder Wig

    Come with me if you want to whoopie.

    1. Tristan J

      I get it!

      1. Wonder Wig

        Good job Captain America lol

        1. Tristan J

          Man, just look up a few comments, I take what I can get.

  9. Doctor_Who

    If all study sessions ended like this, I would be on my 27th PHD by now.

    1. Geegles

      Yeah, usually my studying ends with Facebook or YouTube or crying. Definitely not Fun Sleepover Times.

  10. Yotomoe

    Sierra is no longer in the room and is in Marten’s first apartment from QC. She has yet to become aware of this fact.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      How will Pintsize react?

      1. Yotomoe

        Probably not at all since he doesn’t live there anymore but you never know with him.

        1. Mrelegos

          Sierra/Emily.

          That is all.

  11. Xenav

    Wonder if something else has risen as high as his eyebrows.

    1. Mike

      If it got as high as his eyebrows she would be having the opposite reaction right now.

  12. Yotomoe

    Joyce would argue that spending Sunday staring into a book is an excellent use of your time.

    1. Aizat

      Little that Joyce know, grades are a hollow lie.

      1. begbert2

        Not that book, a book that you’ve already read, nearly memorized, and by this point won’t learn a single thing by reading.

        1. Yotomoe

          Sounds like a “How to Draw Manga” book.

        2. Bill M.

          You assume most people have read every part of it. The genealogies often get skipped over, that’s why the Prayer of Jabez had to get written up to get pointed out from amidst all the genealogies, and that’s before you get to the poetry, the prophecies, and the erotica in it.

        3. begbert2

          Actually I assume that the people who haven’t read those parts before…aren’t going to read them this time either. The people who actually read it all the way through did so the prior times as well.

  13. Jehosaphat

    Positive reinforcement!!

    1. Kernanator

      Talk about a carrot…

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        By playing with his stick.

      2. DaJoshMaster

        And as we all know… asses eat carrots.

        1. wererat

          aaand now i have an incredibly kinky mental image that has ruined carrots for me…

        2. GrrArg42

          “Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. … I wonder if anyone else has stumbled on to that” – Sheldon

        3. Eagalian

          You sir, have just made my day.

        4. Tenn

          Make the best of it: register butt-carrot.org before anyone else does!

  14. AliaPie

    Aww yes! Walky’s eyes are about half the size of his head, it seems. (I also love the Persepolis poster. Great movie!)

    1. Aizat

      So, Walky’s an anime character?

      1. Yotomoe

        No. Then his nose would be bleeding.

        1. Aizat

          It’s simple. Walky’s not a perv.

  15. Plasma Mongoose

    Walky studies the Bible and then gets rewarded with getting bibical with an atheist.

  16. Wack'd

    When I was 14, me and my girlfriend would talk about sex stuff in code so that if our parents happened to overhear they’d think nothing of it. Masturbation became “studying.” I’m not entirely sure how.

    1. Yotomoe

      That makes sense. Blowjobs should be playing nintendo. Who can guess why?

      1. Random Guy

        Does it have something to do with joy sticks?

      2. Rex Hondo

        Something to do with blowing the cartridge, I’d wager.

        1. Yotomoe

          Congrats. you win my respect. Don’t spend it all in one place.

        2. Rex Hondo

          Also, something something “Nintendo hard” something. Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.

      3. Secha

        Playing Magic was our code for making out, and Playing Mario was our code for sex. Still not sure how that happened…

        1. Zap Rowsdower

          Because card games are a simulation of a more visceral experience, and Mario is known for getting taller and stronger with mushrooms.

  17. Rex Hondo

    Gender Studies: Practical Applications.

    1. AckAckAck

      The class is always full.

  18. Romanticide

    Persepolis poster 😀

  19. bunivasal

    Hmm. Do they do it, or do they just cuddle? I feel like Walky is still generally eligible for the Sarlacc Pit of Platonic Frustration.

    1. Yotomoe

      spooning is fun in its own right.

      1. thomas0comer

        I prefer forking. WHICH PATH TO CHOOSE!?

        1. Yotomoe

          Obviousely choose the road less traveled. It’ll make all the difference.

  20. ProjectXa3

    Oh mah.

  21. HelenKellersDog

    And the porn music starts now.

  22. Mrelegos

    PREMARITAL HANKY PANKY!

    1. I.care.0

      You couldn’t have a better gravatar for this comment.

      1. Melizza

        Indeed

        1. Mrelegos

          Aw yeah.

  23. sun tzu

    So, how long ’till Joyce finds out?

    1. AckAckAck

      Joyce sense…. tingling…. crotch…. itching…..

      1. Zap Rowsdower

        They have medicine and/or antifungal creams for that these days.

        1. Mrelegos

          Always wear a condom while reading webcomics.

  24. AckAckAck

    Possible scenarios:

    Scenario one:

    Cuddling and make out session, nothing more nothing less.

    Scenario two:

    Full frontal hanky panky.

    Scenario three:

    The inbetween. making out with a hand job. But no breaching the canal.

    1. Animal

      Scenario four: Threesome with the roommate.

      1. Aizat

        Scenario 5: Walky just entered tier 15, if you know what I mean.

        1. begbert2

          Scenario six: Walky learns that Dorothy likes to study until two by using a flashlight under the covers.

        2. Yotomoe

          Scenario 7: They both immediately fall asleep, forgoing any previous mentied activity

        3. Andrusi

          Scenario 8: The big reveal that all of DoA has just been the setup for the longest Geico commercial in history.

  25. Valdrax

    Those eyes…! It’s like staring into the abyss…

  26. Andy

    Ignoring the sex…since when do college kids go to bed at midnight? I don’t think I knew anyone who went to bed before 1 or 2 on a regular basis.

    1. Kirt Dankmyer

      Depends on when they got up. Some college kids ARE morning people, tho they’re a minority.

      Or she could be trying to free Walky from studying, with a more positive effect than anyone expected.

      1. Yotomoe

        They might have early classes. I usually go to bed at 1 and the only reason I do that is because of this comic.

  27. davidbreslin101

    The most important question now is… “Does Sierra use earplugs?”

    1. Tenn

      Also: Will Sierra spend the night looking down from the top bunk with a big smile on her face?

  28. Squidiggles

    Man, Walky studied for the entire day? I’m impressed, he can go longer than I thought.

    1. Squidiggles

      With this gravatar, I need a better innuendo.

  29. Kirt Dankmyer

    So did she dump Danny because he was not as entertaining to manipulate? 🙂

    Even if this relationship crashes and burns, if Walky teaches Dottie to relax a little and Dottie teaches Walky a little responsibility, they might both end up being better people by the end, so long as post-relationship bitterness doesn’t erase any progress.

  30. lightsabermario

    I call bullshit. Been in that exact situation, no premarital hanky-panky of any sort. I am so jellin’.

    Speaking of which, don’t they have some sort of curfew for opposite genders to stay on their side of the building?

    1. lui

      No, most colleges dont have that

      1. JasonUncensored

        Agreed, since most people in college are, you know, adults. Legally, anyway.

      2. Aidenn

        Just within the state of Indiana: IU does not, Purdue does, but only on weekdays. Not sure about BSU or ISU

    2. Bill M.

      It’s not usuallly needed since most people attending college are over 18, and at that point are legal adults (aside from an occasional Doogie Howser-type character).

  31. RJF

    …is sleeping on one bunk while your roommate is getting it on in the other really a thing in American colleges?

    This isn’t seen as being Awwwwwwwwwwwwkkkkkwwwwwwaaaaaaaaarrrdddd?

    1. imperator

      That’s what noise cancelling headphones and sleeping pills are for. Pop a trazodone, listen to some Bob Ross, and just drift off into sweet oblivion.

      ….. (Yes, I consider Bob Ross to be music in his own right.)

    2. JasonUncensored

      It’s sort of like prison sodomy; you hear a lot about it, but it’s not as common as you’d think.

      … so I’ve heard.

    3. Thekit10666

      As a former college student who has witnessed a roommate walking in and decided to have their wicked wanton way with someone while she was in the room, I assure you it does happen. Also, it happened to me when I was watching an election in a friends room. Some people are less shy about these things it seems.

  32. Simon

    Your Gravatar knows you love it.

  33. JasonUncensored

    I believe those may be my favorite Five Little Words.

    1. begbert2

      Yeah, “Studyin’ gets a bad rap” is pretty hot.

  34. Roborat

    Soooo, Sierra has a really awkward night, she watches, or she joins in, wonder which it will be? Seriously, do people really do this with the roommate right there? I don’t remember it happening when I was living in residence, the roomie would have to find someplace else to sleep.

    1. begbert2

      Or nothing happens.

  35. begbert2

    I’m not going to believe that Dorothy intends to do more than cuddle until I see hard evidence. Besides the fact that she’s horrifically into mind games and teasing and jerking her men around, Sierra’s also in the room. There’s just no way.

    1. Resne

      The boobs. Touch them, Walky.

    2. Resne

      WAIT NO I WANT A DO-OVER ON MY SNIDE COMMENT.

      The whole reason we’re excited is because she’s into jerking her men around.

    3. Mrelegos

      I assumed they were just going to cuddle and stuff. It’s hardly mind games and teasing. She’s not discussed sex with walky, or anything else. 2nd base, maybe 3rd.

      But of course, you’re right, if she doesn’t have sex now she’s totally a tease and is jerking him around. [rolls eyes]

      1. begbert2

        Let’s be quite clear: saying, “Let’s sit together in this couch” and then just cuddling is not teasing. Saying “come to bed with me” and then just cuddling is teasing, because, guess what, that phrase is a well-known euphemism for having sex. Saying that and then just cuddling is on a tease-level equivalent to saying “I’ll take you to the movies”, and then walking them to and leaving them at the video aisle at the local Walmart.

        It does still fall short of a girl telling a guy she likes to take off his pants, and then to take off everything – and then when he does, ogling him, smirking, and then walking off with a snide comment. When a girl does that, “she’s jerking him around” becomes a permanent part of her modus operandi.

        1. David

          Man, you just set yourself up for disappointment all the time, don’t you.

        2. Mrelegos

          [sigh] Ah, entitlement. How utterly hilarious it is to see people believing in the concept of owing someone sex.

          And by hilarious I mean really bloody stupid.

        3. begbert2

          Sigh. How can I be even more clear.

          1) People are not obligated to have sex.

          2) People are capable of leading other people to believe that they intend to offer sex.

          3) Deliberately or accidentally.

          4) Deliberately or not, Dorothy is establishing a pattern of jerking Walky’s chain. One could say that I am grossly misreading the intent of the author and all characters involved – but all of Walky’s reactions to date suggest that he is, in fact, interpreting Dorothy’s behavior exactly as I think he is. He finds himself expecting more than he gets.

          5) Not that he would know what to do with it if he got it, but that’s sort of beside the point.

          6) If Dorothy is doing this by accident, then she’s pretty mean accidentally.

          7) As for disappointment, on reflection I don’t believe I’ll be disappointed whether or not they bang. I don’t particularly *want* them to bang.

          8) But I am a bit annoyed at the way she seems to be deliberately messing with his head. It’s not nice.

          9) Also, he sat there and did basically nothing ALL DAY (probably not learning anything either due to lack of interest) and only at the very end of it does he note what a waste of time she put him through? She doesn’t need to tease him. She’s got him locked down by the gonads.

        4. David

          Why do you think Walky expects sex? Do you not remember what it’s like to be with a first girlfriend? He’s not going to be disappointed because he’s “only” going to be sleeping next to a girl he likes in a bed. Sleeping next to a girl he likes in a bed, at his stage in life, is AN AMAZING DEVELOPMENT. He’s never been outside the sphere of influence of his parents, he’s never had a girlfriend before, and so this is right up there with the most illicit and daring things possible.

          When you’re a virgin, THIS IS SEXY. Walky would have absolutely no complaints. He is sleeping next to a girl in a bed, goddammit. There are touchings involved. It’d be an overwhelming new development. That alone is gonna short out his brain a little. Walky is getting exactly what he expected given what Dorothy plainly told him in the previous strip, vis a vis coming to bed with her.

          Walky’s never been shown to expect sex, ever. He’s always responded with wide-eyed brain-frying at every small step towards intimacy, from merely laying eyes on a girl he likes, to sleeping in a bed with her, since he’s never done any of this before. If you interpret his wide-eyed brain-frying look as “expecting sex,” dude. Yikes. He’s been kind of a creep.

        5. That Damn Rat

          Ehh, the no sex is probably partly down to Walky too. Given how
          freaked he was by boob touching, she’s probably planning on ease
          him into the concept. If they go straight to sex now, he’ll
          probably blow a mental gasket.

        6. begbert2

          Meh, I don’t care if they have sex or not. I just think that the specific way she’s going about not giving him sex is one of the meanest ways of doing so. I mean, she knows how dense and incompetent he is with this stuff. Is she trying to give him aneurism?

          The did throw a monkey at her head though; I suppose he started it.

  36. mortifuus

    I discovered this comic at work and it has shot my productivity down the drain. I don’t know if it is the awesome comic, or the hilariously tangental comments that each one spawns. Thank you, David Willis, and all you crazy people who read this comic as well.

    I wonder if he will change his phrase “I don’tdo studying” after this?

  37. Anna

    PREMARITAL HANKY-PANKY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  38. Cooledd4

    Cue sexy music

  39. Somebody

    It’s bad REP.

  40. Kiggy

    GO FOR IT, WALKY!!!

  41. Alex

    Hey, Mistah Willis, is she sort of doing a Tomoe Nage throw? Sometimes the uke is moving into you, like Blaine would be:

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tOIbQ2cXRHU&feature=relmfu

    Either way, love all the striking Amber does. She’s got good form!

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