Brainstorm, Beast Wars, and because we are not yet that advanced as a society.
Regalli
Also Beast Wars, Tailgate, and also we’d have to specify which continuity we meant for any given character and people who don’t know the difference between Megatrons would get confused and really, no one wants that.
Br44n5m
Gargantuon, fenoxo, truly a shame society isn’t on our level yet!
Michelle J. Caboose
Ironhide, G1, and not everyone can be as advanced as DoA readers.
Annonymouse
Beast wars – Dinobot – The DeathKinght of the series – Suffer well.
Silverbolt, Beast Wars. And hey, there are lots of other great conversation starters… like “which Sailor Scout do you want to be” or “which Gem fusion is the most awesome” or “talk about the last crossover fanfic you’ve read”.
Screwball, Transformers Prime apparently 😛
SHUN THE OUTSIDER!! SHUUUN!!
Just kidding, though you could be a rarity in this place. Does that mean you’re more valuable to collect?
Because inevitably, that’d evolve into people starting conversations by announcing their favorite Transformers slash pairing.
And then, naturally, I’d have to insist on DinobotxStarscream, just to mess with people. Really now, is that actually what you want? :/
das-g
Yes, it is.
Well, the you messing with people part. I’m indifferent about Dinobot×Starscream.
HeySo
Waait- how can you be indifferent about a velociraptor riding a jet?!
..I mean, we’re admittedly using “ride” in a rather open sense at the moment, but still.. Jet-riding raptors! That’s just not something to be indifferent over. :/
Quiet Ethan, she’s clearly there to discuss this with Chromedome, give them some privacy.
Of course, Chromedome is an expert in weird relationships, considering that his husband is actually a quantum duplicate of his husband, because his actual husband died, but that’s okay because the quantum duplicate of his husband’s husband died too.
Compared to that, this whole Walky thing is pretty standard.
Y’know, I really enjoy learning all these neat Transformers facts just from reading the comic and comments. Chromedome: Weird Relationship Expert sounds like a cool dude!
I mean, I’ll say “Hello?” as an interrogative for the sake of determining activity, like if someone is still on a phone call or not. I can’t say I’ve consciously used it as an actual greeting in over a decade, though.
They’re so good together. But everyone else in the comic is just gonna be like “Oh you were dating someone else so recently!” or “She stabbed your sister’s hand” like that means anything against the crushing force of LOVE
Sadly, the crushing force of love is gonna have to contend with the formidable tag team of anxiety and PTSD. They have a pretty intimidating track record thus far.
If you look at the last panel, you know why it does mean something. Both have serious doubts. And she actually has panic. And “love conquers all” is not exactly true. Once you have passed the honeymoon phase, love can be surprisingly fragile.
And, btw, walky doesn’t love her. He loves Dorothy. Such things don’t change in 24 hours.
Walky definitely likes her, and that could develop eventually… but probably not in the literal mine field of drama that awaits them. When ‘Walky is rebounding less than 48 hours after the breakup of his first real relationship, with someone who probably considers you a friend’ might not even make the top five biggest worries about this relationship, you’re in trouble.
Alanari
True. I mean, becky is rebounding on dina and that relationship works. I’m still a bit worried about the degree of attachment becky has for Joyce, but apart from that, they have a great relationship.
Walky and Amber on the other hand.. there are, like, 20 ways this could go down in flames within the next two days. In my experience, the more drama a relationship has, the more unstable and unhealthy it becomes.
tirachokko
I think tbh BeckyxDina mostly works at this point b.c they’ve both acknowledged it, and Becky is actually approaching the relationship not going “she’s a THICC Joyce!”. Realistic, in that rebounds (what a strange word for the next relationship sometimes) can be somewhat healthy and an actual point/period of growth as a human being for some humans, but that some are also just something that’s comfortable in some ways and not new in others.
But that’s a theory, a PSYCHOLOGICAL AND KIND OF INTROSPECTIVE BECAUSE I LIKE TO THINK THAT MY OWN RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE DINAxBECKY AND NOT AN UNHEALTHY MOVE DESPITE KIND OF BEING A REBOUND theory!
Alanari
Not every next relationship is a rebound. The problem with rebounds is that you don’t get involved with someone because he/she is nice, attractive, sexy, kind, whatever but because you don’t want to be alone, so the pain of the last relationship won’t be as bad.
This reason for being with someone will fade. It’ll fade with alongwith you feelings for your ex. Which basically means that the actual decision if you want to be with that person because you like that person for who he/she is is postponed until weeks or month into the relationship. And in most cases, the answer is no.
That doesn’t mean that a rebound can’t evolve in a good, stable relationship. And in my opinion, if a relationship resembles the one dina and becky have, it’s a pretty good one, no matter how it started. There’s a lot of care, adoration, support and acceptance of the other one’s personal quirks. They do seem to lack a bit in communication sometimes, but they’re 18, most teens do.
But walky and Amber seem to be different to me.. They have this huge pile of baggage between them and neither one is interested in trying to solve emotional problems. Or even communicate with each other about them.
Miri
I would argue that they seem to communicate with each other more than most other people in general? But I suspect the “you changed my grades after I explicitly asked you not to” thing will be an issue. And the fact that Amber’s relationship with herself is so messed up, and that she has difficulties with anxiety, anger, etc and isn’t good at processing them is going to be an issue no matter who she dates.
Speaking of which, does anybody have any theories on Danny’s “no calling me ‘a worthless piece of -‘ is fine, I know I deserve it sometimes and have had way worse” comes from? Coz it doesn’t sound like Dotty… Joe negs him a bit but not quite that bad… Do his parents deserve a spot in the Terrible Parent Gallery?
Alanari
Amber doesn’t really communicate with her partners. Like, at all. She decides what is best to do and pushes it as a rule to her partner. Like “don’t talk to sal”. There’s little “finding a solution together” and next to no “what do you think”, let alone an explanation for her rules. Her partner has to accept them and follow them. She also doesn’t talk about her problems or her past.
Walky seems to get better with the “talking about stuff”-thing but it has been well established that he avoids it whenever possible. And Amber basically is a walking pile of feelings-stuff.
If that is the average level of communication between partners, I feel sorry for most of the existing couples. Still, if you are in a relationship with someone with psychological problems, you either have really good communication or you will suffer a lot or it will end soon.
thejeff
They communicate, but it’s all twisted up with that garbage roof thing, where they can only put themselves down and have that accepted, but not actually offer support. Which isn’t wholly bad, but not a good starting point for a relationship.
Not Dorothy, definitely his parents. We haven’t seen much of them, but what we have was heavily focused on “how could you lose Dorothy? You need a smart ambitious girl like that to latch onto.”
Joe likely didn’t help.
Alanari
They talk, they don’t communicate. “Why did you flee the roof?”-“see, I kind of met her before, I was in the store she robbed”-“why did you try to throw the mask away?”-“I’m having trouble with ag, we currently don’t get along. I’m trying to stop being ag”-“I’m having some doubts about the relationship, basically what becky just said. Still, I really like being with you and I’d like to see where this is heading. You?”-“I’m feeling a bit unsure about having a relationship with the brother of the robber who threatened me as a kid, but I also feel like this is great and I don’t want to miss it just because of some stuff in my past”. That (or at least a subset of that) would have been communication. There were great opportunities to start talking about all of it. They didn’t.
The talks on garbage roof was limited to “I’m a bad person because reason”. “Okay, sure”. That’s less communication and more mutual strengthening of self-doubts and anxieties. The other part literally was forbidden to say what he/she really thought about what was just said. Which kind of kills every communication.
Regalli
I definitely think Danny’s parents deserve a slot on the Terrible Parents Gallery, because they definitely insult him and say he doesn’t measure up to his brother and Dorothy was his one ticket to success. So much of Early Danny’s screwups seems based in part by that clearly eroding his self-esteem.
Alanari:
The problem with rebounds is that it’s difficult to tell whether you actually like the person or just didn’t want to be alone
Amber and Walky DO like each other and there seems to be decent chemistry between them. And their relationship literally started with the two of them talking about their problems. They didn’t talk about FIXING their problems because that’s not what either of them needed. They both already know they have work to do, but that’s going to take time. They needed to be able to talk about their flaws WITHOUT talking about fixing them, because they needed to vent, and they needed someone to JUST listen without arguing, and just accept that they’re flawed. They both have this excessive internalized notion that they need to be perfect or they’re completely worthless, and telling someone about all the things that makes them feel like garbage, and having the other person simply accept that as true but still want to hang out helps them accept themselves
That doesn’t mean they don’t want to improve themselves or learn better ways to handle their problems. It just helps them stop beating themselves up simply for HAVING problems, and not having fixed them already. That’s something both of them NEED to do so that they aren’t so overwhelmed they can’t actually do the work they need to do
And they also literally JUST started their relationship less than a day ago. It’s not possible or reasonable to expect people to open up about absolutely everything right of the bat. Even more so when it comes to something traumatic. It’s something they’ll need to talk about at some point, but it’s totally fine that she hasn’t gotten to it already
Alanari
If you still are hung up about someone else, still hurting and chose to be with someone because it makes you hurt less, you definitely are rebounding. Walky basically said that.
The thing about garbage roof is, while it is okay and often liberating to be allowed to be imperfect, this was the unhealthiest way of doing it. First of, their talking was limited to that. They only really spoke on the roof. They never really communicated (which sounds simple but actually isn’t). Second of, both but especially Amber shouldn’t be allowed to reduce themselves to their bad sides. There’s a whole lot of room between “yes, you are garbage” and “yes, you messed up, but I still like you”. Talking down vs accepting faults without lowering your value as a human being. Third, they both used garbage roof to dig deeper into their self hatred, which never us a healthy thing. No real reflection.
Walky has little interest in getting better. Amber has next to no interest in getting better. He’d just have to sit down and learn math but takes every excuse to not to. She is way beyond what she can fix herself, knows it but doesn’t seek help. Neither feels any better about their problems, Amber probably actually feels worse because of the grades thing. It wasn’t any help for either of them in tackling their respective problems. Walky still doesn’t study and Ambers condition still is getting worse.
My own trauma involves being abused and raped by my first partner over several years, resulting in ptbs, and I literally did what I described above. I talked to my partner, actually literally just before we got together. Most problems aren’t as dramatic as your own mind tells you it is. And if the other can’t handle being told about them, he or she won’t be able to handle the problem itself.
I didn’t get into any relationship while I was unable to control my damage and talk about it. Wouldn’t have been fair. It’s okay to not be ready to talk about something at all. It’s not okay to make someone else suffer because you are kind of broken. And they will suffer.
thejeff
Of course, while that’s a problem with rebounds, it’s also a problem when you’ve been single for awhile. “Do I really like them or do I just not want to be alone?”
And I think we can agree that there’s room for the garbage roof rules, but that having just that is no better (and maybe even worse) than the other way around. It’s great to be able to vent and not have it contradicted with praise or attempts to fix you, but praise and improvement are critical too.
We’ll have to see where Amber and Walky take this. So far, I don’t see their direction as promising, however cute they are together.
And, no matter how traumatic it is, Amber really needs to talk to him about Amazi-Girl before he gets surprised by it. Some things can be put off, but that’s going to pop up without her control and he needs warning. For example, before they sleep together (non-euphemistically) and Amazi-Girl takes over in Amber’s sleep. Cause that’ll be awkward.
They’ve communicated. Your distinction between communication and talking is not as meaningful as you seem to think. They haven’t bared their souls for each other or had a long detailed talk about how they feel, but it turns out that not doing that DAY ONE is not a sign that they haven’t made any meaningful steps towards building a relationship
And your claim that garbage roof was the worst way to go about that and it only made things worse doesn’t seem supported by what’s been happening in the comic? Both of them have been shown to be less stressed out and miserable. The fact that it hasn’t fixed ALL of their problems doesn’t mean it hasn’t helped them
It definitely wouldn’t work for everyone, and could definitely backfire for many people. It might even backfire for Walky, Amber, or both. I don’t think it has yet. Walky still needs to fix his studying habits, and Amber needs to find healthier ways to manage her anger amongst other things, but at least now they don’t seem to feel worthless simply for struggling with those problems, so they’re each in a far better state to actually work on them
Obviously, your interpretation isn’t inaccurate or anything since it’s literally your own experience, but I just don’t think it quite matches what’s going on with these two
As for whether or not it’s irresponsible for Amber to date, I don’t think that’s something that should be treated as a hard rule. You made the right to decision for you. If someone doesn’t feel ready for a relationship, holding off on that is a good call. But I don’t think it’s a given that Amber isn’t ready. Her dissociation has gotten worse, but that’s not what messed things up with Danny. That was her vendetta with Sal. Sal might still trigger her PTSD, but she’s let go of the hatred that caused her to snap at Danny. We’ve also seen from her earlier consideration with Ethan (re Mike) that she’s actually put some thought into whether she’s ready to handle a relationship. I’d feel better if she’d been more confident, but being aware she can get hurt more easily than Ethan is not the same as being unable to handle ANY relationship.
There’s obviously stuff they’re gonna need to talk about for things to work out in the long run, but hopefully she’ll keep being open with him about things even when they’re not on the roof, and they’ll get there in time (and there is plenty of time, as again they only smooched for the first time just last night)
thejeff
I do think the disassociation messed things up with Danny. If you look at that breakup scene, while she was blaming it on Sal turning him against her, she was reacting to him telling Amazi-Girl he liked Amber better and wanted her to stop being Amazi-Girl.
Danny of course meant it in the “give up vigilante stuff because I don’t want you getting hurt and it’s not the superhero fantasy I care about”, but that’s not what she heard.
Regalli
I think Becky getting her own living space and finding a whole new world of cute girls who like learning things and kissing her helped a lot – one of the things that those post-kiss, pre-Toedad strips established was that their sense of Perfectly Normal Platonic Female Friendships was skewed, probably for years, and being reliant on Joyce for shelter, food and clothes only made things worse. Now there’s no need to share Joyce’s bed, no ‘is this gay or is it close friendship’ mixed signals (and Dina was very clear about being romantically interested, even better,) and Becky has a larger support network in general.
The enmity towards Dorothy thing is concerning, especially since it’s at least somewhat sincere, but I hope being part of the group and not ‘Joyce is my only lifeline and has changed so much while we were apart and she has a new best friend’ is lessening the jealousy. Them adopting each other I’m fine with – Becky was pretty much disowned by her community at large and her father particularly, and I predict Joyce is going to lose half her family of birth before things are done. (Carol and John are givens, I don’t want to bet on Hank because I don’t want to be disappointed even as I have hope, and Jordan is a complete enigma so who can say.)
Also I think getting over a crush that included at least a little desperation of the ‘I can’t be alone and no one I know will choose me over God’ variety is easier than doing so about your first serious relationship when both of you still like each other and are in regular contact. (Or at least it’s easier when said crush doesn’t return the romantic feelings but does choose you because the teachings must be wrong.)
In one sense, Joyce was the best thing in Becky’s OLD life. Kind, loyal hot, Joyce who always, always was there for Becky. After her mother died, after she fled Andersons, after her father turned on her, she had NOTHING… except Joyce.
In that sense, Dina is the best of her NEW life. Smart, badass, hot Dina with her love for science, her complete refusal to let the world change her and her 100% honest admiration for Becky – not the pretend!Becky but the REAL!Becky.
So, yeah, I’m not too worried about those two doofuses. They’ll do fine 🙂
Diner Kinetic
Yeah, while Becky was also not over Joyce when initiating a dinoship, She was also very actively trying to move on; and frankly not being able to date Joyce wasn’t as destructive for becky as Un-Dottying was for Walky. She accepted crushin’ on Joyce was unhealthy; set her mental status to available, and did the thing. Walky… well, honestly there are ways this wouldn’t be unhealthy; but thinking you’re a garbage person for entering a relationship tends to be the wrong frame of mind for that sort of thing. That said, I still ship this harder than america ships weapons overseas.
Also, I think Amber might be more concerned with the Sal-related issues in this new dynamic than the Walky-Related ones; although anxiety means she could be concerned about everything realistically she didn’t have any demonstrable problems with the Garbage Barge until good ol’ Sal showed up and made her realize this might be unhealthy-adjacent.
Regalli
Yeah, thinking you’re garbage for moving on is one of those signs you shouldn’t yet. And I’m sure Amber’s focused most on Sal because acknowledging what Walky says is worrying would mean thinking what she thinks of herself is worrying, too.
All the Becky commentary is spot on there, both of you. Man Becky/Dina is great.
(Also my autocorrect now tries to automatically capitalize garbage sometimes. Thanks guys!)
184 thoughts on “Decision”
Ana Chronistic
Ethan can’t enjoy his Chromedome
Aeron
WHY CAN’T PEOPLE JUST START CONVERSATIONS BY ANNOUNCING THEIR FAVORITE TRANSFORMER AND SERIES LIKE ADULTS?
Doctor_Who
Brainstorm, Beast Wars, and because we are not yet that advanced as a society.
Regalli
Also Beast Wars, Tailgate, and also we’d have to specify which continuity we meant for any given character and people who don’t know the difference between Megatrons would get confused and really, no one wants that.
Br44n5m
Gargantuon, fenoxo, truly a shame society isn’t on our level yet!
Michelle J. Caboose
Ironhide, G1, and not everyone can be as advanced as DoA readers.
Annonymouse
Beast wars – Dinobot – The DeathKinght of the series – Suffer well.
Undrave
Good picks!
Tacos
Dinobot and Beast Wars.
Delicious Taffy
Leobreaker, Cybertron, maybe because it’s a good way to get into fist fights when the new kid likes the wrong robot?
not someone else
Silverbolt, Beast Wars. And hey, there are lots of other great conversation starters… like “which Sailor Scout do you want to be” or “which Gem fusion is the most awesome” or “talk about the last crossover fanfic you’ve read”.
Delicious Taffy
Jupiter, Malachite, and there’s a hilarious crossover between Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Five Nights at Freddy’s on FanFiction.
Regalli
Saturn, Garnet, damn I need to read more crossover fic.
Dafydd
G1. Thundercracker. And hey, at least this isn’t Japan, where nearly half the TF toys have to have “Convoy” in their names. 😛
adjudicus
Animated. Minimus Ambus, and because we’re living in the woest timeline right now
Zathras10
This comment is why I sometimes wish we had some sort of comment liking system. (y)
Ed Rhodes
I never liked Transformers.
Screwball
Screwball, Transformers Prime apparently 😛
SHUN THE OUTSIDER!! SHUUUN!!
Just kidding, though you could be a rarity in this place. Does that mean you’re more valuable to collect?
HeySo
Because inevitably, that’d evolve into people starting conversations by announcing their favorite Transformers slash pairing.
And then, naturally, I’d have to insist on DinobotxStarscream, just to mess with people. Really now, is that actually what you want? :/
das-g
Yes, it is.
Well, the you messing with people part. I’m indifferent about Dinobot×Starscream.
HeySo
Waait- how can you be indifferent about a velociraptor riding a jet?!
..I mean, we’re admittedly using “ride” in a rather open sense at the moment, but still.. Jet-riding raptors! That’s just not something to be indifferent over. :/
SgtWadeyWilson
Is hesitantly curious/excited better?
Killer Klown
Beast Wars, Depth Charge.
What? I like tragic heroes.
Deanatay
None of them, wtf, and what are you people going on about?
*clearly a heathen*
HeySo
If everyone yells at you to go away because you’re a heathen, does that automatically make you a Go-Bot? :S
Doctor_Who
Quiet Ethan, she’s clearly there to discuss this with Chromedome, give them some privacy.
Of course, Chromedome is an expert in weird relationships, considering that his husband is actually a quantum duplicate of his husband, because his actual husband died, but that’s okay because the quantum duplicate of his husband’s husband died too.
Compared to that, this whole Walky thing is pretty standard.
HMRC4EVR
Actually she’s there to argue that FansProject Code is a better Chromedone and regrets not buying one.
ShinyNeen
Y’know, I really enjoy learning all these neat Transformers facts just from reading the comic and comments. Chromedome: Weird Relationship Expert sounds like a cool dude!
newllend(henryvolt)
There goes the Honeymoon phase, that Romantic high she was on didn’t last long.
Passchendaele
are we going to have to worry about bed trucks now
butts
no regrets
Jamie
Does it have enough integrity to withstand a Slipshine?
Needfuldoer
Ooh, bedtrucks are tough. The only way to stop them is to install a tiny low bridge all around the bed.
adjudicus
Or truck beds…
LeslieBean4Shizzle
Wow. Just wow. Panel 4 may be the most beautiful panel Willis has ever drawn.
No, I’m serious. That’s just… really sweet and pretty. Damn.
JetstreamGW
Ah, excellent, the schadenfreude returns, as it should be.
Nono
Do people even say ‘Hello’ anymore? I think using that specific word as a greeting has been antiquated.
BBCC
I do, sometimes!
Madock345
Pretty much only when meeting someone for the first time for me
Questionor
I do but I have to quell the urge to follow up with “and welcome to moviefone”
TemporalShrew
I do, pretty frequently. Wait, that’s weird now?
alice
i think it can be cute over text, or in a somewhat singsong voice over audio. idk about real life though
Cephalo the Pod
I do, at work. And I imagine lots of others in service jobs do the same.
AndieStardust
it’s used petty frequently in my surroundings! i hear hellos and hi all over my campus as well as within my own social circles
Plasma Mongoose
The word Hello wasn’t originally a greeting, it was an exclamation of surprise, “HELLO!, what is going on here?”
JessWitt
I prefer Hello, Hiya, or Heya. The monosyllabic “Hi” sounds awkward to me, like it’s incomplete.
Needfuldoer
Does it count if it’s via email?
HeySo
I mean, I’ll say “Hello?” as an interrogative for the sake of determining activity, like if someone is still on a phone call or not. I can’t say I’ve consciously used it as an actual greeting in over a decade, though.
AnvilPro
They’re so good together. But everyone else in the comic is just gonna be like “Oh you were dating someone else so recently!” or “She stabbed your sister’s hand” like that means anything against the crushing force of LOVE
BBCC
Sadly, the crushing force of love is gonna have to contend with the formidable tag team of anxiety and PTSD. They have a pretty intimidating track record thus far.
Alanari
If you look at the last panel, you know why it does mean something. Both have serious doubts. And she actually has panic. And “love conquers all” is not exactly true. Once you have passed the honeymoon phase, love can be surprisingly fragile.
And, btw, walky doesn’t love her. He loves Dorothy. Such things don’t change in 24 hours.
Regalli
Walky definitely likes her, and that could develop eventually… but probably not in the literal mine field of drama that awaits them. When ‘Walky is rebounding less than 48 hours after the breakup of his first real relationship, with someone who probably considers you a friend’ might not even make the top five biggest worries about this relationship, you’re in trouble.
Alanari
True. I mean, becky is rebounding on dina and that relationship works. I’m still a bit worried about the degree of attachment becky has for Joyce, but apart from that, they have a great relationship.
Walky and Amber on the other hand.. there are, like, 20 ways this could go down in flames within the next two days. In my experience, the more drama a relationship has, the more unstable and unhealthy it becomes.
tirachokko
I think tbh BeckyxDina mostly works at this point b.c they’ve both acknowledged it, and Becky is actually approaching the relationship not going “she’s a THICC Joyce!”. Realistic, in that rebounds (what a strange word for the next relationship sometimes) can be somewhat healthy and an actual point/period of growth as a human being for some humans, but that some are also just something that’s comfortable in some ways and not new in others.
But that’s a theory, a PSYCHOLOGICAL AND KIND OF INTROSPECTIVE BECAUSE I LIKE TO THINK THAT MY OWN RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE DINAxBECKY AND NOT AN UNHEALTHY MOVE DESPITE KIND OF BEING A REBOUND theory!
Alanari
Not every next relationship is a rebound. The problem with rebounds is that you don’t get involved with someone because he/she is nice, attractive, sexy, kind, whatever but because you don’t want to be alone, so the pain of the last relationship won’t be as bad.
This reason for being with someone will fade. It’ll fade with alongwith you feelings for your ex. Which basically means that the actual decision if you want to be with that person because you like that person for who he/she is is postponed until weeks or month into the relationship. And in most cases, the answer is no.
That doesn’t mean that a rebound can’t evolve in a good, stable relationship. And in my opinion, if a relationship resembles the one dina and becky have, it’s a pretty good one, no matter how it started. There’s a lot of care, adoration, support and acceptance of the other one’s personal quirks. They do seem to lack a bit in communication sometimes, but they’re 18, most teens do.
But walky and Amber seem to be different to me.. They have this huge pile of baggage between them and neither one is interested in trying to solve emotional problems. Or even communicate with each other about them.
Miri
I would argue that they seem to communicate with each other more than most other people in general? But I suspect the “you changed my grades after I explicitly asked you not to” thing will be an issue. And the fact that Amber’s relationship with herself is so messed up, and that she has difficulties with anxiety, anger, etc and isn’t good at processing them is going to be an issue no matter who she dates.
Speaking of which, does anybody have any theories on Danny’s “no calling me ‘a worthless piece of -‘ is fine, I know I deserve it sometimes and have had way worse” comes from? Coz it doesn’t sound like Dotty… Joe negs him a bit but not quite that bad… Do his parents deserve a spot in the Terrible Parent Gallery?
Alanari
Amber doesn’t really communicate with her partners. Like, at all. She decides what is best to do and pushes it as a rule to her partner. Like “don’t talk to sal”. There’s little “finding a solution together” and next to no “what do you think”, let alone an explanation for her rules. Her partner has to accept them and follow them. She also doesn’t talk about her problems or her past.
Walky seems to get better with the “talking about stuff”-thing but it has been well established that he avoids it whenever possible. And Amber basically is a walking pile of feelings-stuff.
If that is the average level of communication between partners, I feel sorry for most of the existing couples. Still, if you are in a relationship with someone with psychological problems, you either have really good communication or you will suffer a lot or it will end soon.
thejeff
They communicate, but it’s all twisted up with that garbage roof thing, where they can only put themselves down and have that accepted, but not actually offer support. Which isn’t wholly bad, but not a good starting point for a relationship.
Not Dorothy, definitely his parents. We haven’t seen much of them, but what we have was heavily focused on “how could you lose Dorothy? You need a smart ambitious girl like that to latch onto.”
Joe likely didn’t help.
Alanari
They talk, they don’t communicate. “Why did you flee the roof?”-“see, I kind of met her before, I was in the store she robbed”-“why did you try to throw the mask away?”-“I’m having trouble with ag, we currently don’t get along. I’m trying to stop being ag”-“I’m having some doubts about the relationship, basically what becky just said. Still, I really like being with you and I’d like to see where this is heading. You?”-“I’m feeling a bit unsure about having a relationship with the brother of the robber who threatened me as a kid, but I also feel like this is great and I don’t want to miss it just because of some stuff in my past”. That (or at least a subset of that) would have been communication. There were great opportunities to start talking about all of it. They didn’t.
The talks on garbage roof was limited to “I’m a bad person because reason”. “Okay, sure”. That’s less communication and more mutual strengthening of self-doubts and anxieties. The other part literally was forbidden to say what he/she really thought about what was just said. Which kind of kills every communication.
Regalli
I definitely think Danny’s parents deserve a slot on the Terrible Parents Gallery, because they definitely insult him and say he doesn’t measure up to his brother and Dorothy was his one ticket to success. So much of Early Danny’s screwups seems based in part by that clearly eroding his self-esteem.
Fart Captor
Alanari:
The problem with rebounds is that it’s difficult to tell whether you actually like the person or just didn’t want to be alone
Amber and Walky DO like each other and there seems to be decent chemistry between them. And their relationship literally started with the two of them talking about their problems. They didn’t talk about FIXING their problems because that’s not what either of them needed. They both already know they have work to do, but that’s going to take time. They needed to be able to talk about their flaws WITHOUT talking about fixing them, because they needed to vent, and they needed someone to JUST listen without arguing, and just accept that they’re flawed. They both have this excessive internalized notion that they need to be perfect or they’re completely worthless, and telling someone about all the things that makes them feel like garbage, and having the other person simply accept that as true but still want to hang out helps them accept themselves
That doesn’t mean they don’t want to improve themselves or learn better ways to handle their problems. It just helps them stop beating themselves up simply for HAVING problems, and not having fixed them already. That’s something both of them NEED to do so that they aren’t so overwhelmed they can’t actually do the work they need to do
And they also literally JUST started their relationship less than a day ago. It’s not possible or reasonable to expect people to open up about absolutely everything right of the bat. Even more so when it comes to something traumatic. It’s something they’ll need to talk about at some point, but it’s totally fine that she hasn’t gotten to it already
Alanari
If you still are hung up about someone else, still hurting and chose to be with someone because it makes you hurt less, you definitely are rebounding. Walky basically said that.
The thing about garbage roof is, while it is okay and often liberating to be allowed to be imperfect, this was the unhealthiest way of doing it. First of, their talking was limited to that. They only really spoke on the roof. They never really communicated (which sounds simple but actually isn’t). Second of, both but especially Amber shouldn’t be allowed to reduce themselves to their bad sides. There’s a whole lot of room between “yes, you are garbage” and “yes, you messed up, but I still like you”. Talking down vs accepting faults without lowering your value as a human being. Third, they both used garbage roof to dig deeper into their self hatred, which never us a healthy thing. No real reflection.
Walky has little interest in getting better. Amber has next to no interest in getting better. He’d just have to sit down and learn math but takes every excuse to not to. She is way beyond what she can fix herself, knows it but doesn’t seek help. Neither feels any better about their problems, Amber probably actually feels worse because of the grades thing. It wasn’t any help for either of them in tackling their respective problems. Walky still doesn’t study and Ambers condition still is getting worse.
My own trauma involves being abused and raped by my first partner over several years, resulting in ptbs, and I literally did what I described above. I talked to my partner, actually literally just before we got together. Most problems aren’t as dramatic as your own mind tells you it is. And if the other can’t handle being told about them, he or she won’t be able to handle the problem itself.
I didn’t get into any relationship while I was unable to control my damage and talk about it. Wouldn’t have been fair. It’s okay to not be ready to talk about something at all. It’s not okay to make someone else suffer because you are kind of broken. And they will suffer.
thejeff
Of course, while that’s a problem with rebounds, it’s also a problem when you’ve been single for awhile. “Do I really like them or do I just not want to be alone?”
And I think we can agree that there’s room for the garbage roof rules, but that having just that is no better (and maybe even worse) than the other way around. It’s great to be able to vent and not have it contradicted with praise or attempts to fix you, but praise and improvement are critical too.
We’ll have to see where Amber and Walky take this. So far, I don’t see their direction as promising, however cute they are together.
And, no matter how traumatic it is, Amber really needs to talk to him about Amazi-Girl before he gets surprised by it. Some things can be put off, but that’s going to pop up without her control and he needs warning. For example, before they sleep together (non-euphemistically) and Amazi-Girl takes over in Amber’s sleep. Cause that’ll be awkward.
Fart Captor
Alanari,
They’ve communicated. Your distinction between communication and talking is not as meaningful as you seem to think. They haven’t bared their souls for each other or had a long detailed talk about how they feel, but it turns out that not doing that DAY ONE is not a sign that they haven’t made any meaningful steps towards building a relationship
And your claim that garbage roof was the worst way to go about that and it only made things worse doesn’t seem supported by what’s been happening in the comic? Both of them have been shown to be less stressed out and miserable. The fact that it hasn’t fixed ALL of their problems doesn’t mean it hasn’t helped them
It definitely wouldn’t work for everyone, and could definitely backfire for many people. It might even backfire for Walky, Amber, or both. I don’t think it has yet. Walky still needs to fix his studying habits, and Amber needs to find healthier ways to manage her anger amongst other things, but at least now they don’t seem to feel worthless simply for struggling with those problems, so they’re each in a far better state to actually work on them
Obviously, your interpretation isn’t inaccurate or anything since it’s literally your own experience, but I just don’t think it quite matches what’s going on with these two
As for whether or not it’s irresponsible for Amber to date, I don’t think that’s something that should be treated as a hard rule. You made the right to decision for you. If someone doesn’t feel ready for a relationship, holding off on that is a good call. But I don’t think it’s a given that Amber isn’t ready. Her dissociation has gotten worse, but that’s not what messed things up with Danny. That was her vendetta with Sal. Sal might still trigger her PTSD, but she’s let go of the hatred that caused her to snap at Danny. We’ve also seen from her earlier consideration with Ethan (re Mike) that she’s actually put some thought into whether she’s ready to handle a relationship. I’d feel better if she’d been more confident, but being aware she can get hurt more easily than Ethan is not the same as being unable to handle ANY relationship.
There’s obviously stuff they’re gonna need to talk about for things to work out in the long run, but hopefully she’ll keep being open with him about things even when they’re not on the roof, and they’ll get there in time (and there is plenty of time, as again they only smooched for the first time just last night)
thejeff
I do think the disassociation messed things up with Danny. If you look at that breakup scene, while she was blaming it on Sal turning him against her, she was reacting to him telling Amazi-Girl he liked Amber better and wanted her to stop being Amazi-Girl.
Danny of course meant it in the “give up vigilante stuff because I don’t want you getting hurt and it’s not the superhero fantasy I care about”, but that’s not what she heard.
Regalli
I think Becky getting her own living space and finding a whole new world of cute girls who like learning things and kissing her helped a lot – one of the things that those post-kiss, pre-Toedad strips established was that their sense of Perfectly Normal Platonic Female Friendships was skewed, probably for years, and being reliant on Joyce for shelter, food and clothes only made things worse. Now there’s no need to share Joyce’s bed, no ‘is this gay or is it close friendship’ mixed signals (and Dina was very clear about being romantically interested, even better,) and Becky has a larger support network in general.
The enmity towards Dorothy thing is concerning, especially since it’s at least somewhat sincere, but I hope being part of the group and not ‘Joyce is my only lifeline and has changed so much while we were apart and she has a new best friend’ is lessening the jealousy. Them adopting each other I’m fine with – Becky was pretty much disowned by her community at large and her father particularly, and I predict Joyce is going to lose half her family of birth before things are done. (Carol and John are givens, I don’t want to bet on Hank because I don’t want to be disappointed even as I have hope, and Jordan is a complete enigma so who can say.)
Also I think getting over a crush that included at least a little desperation of the ‘I can’t be alone and no one I know will choose me over God’ variety is easier than doing so about your first serious relationship when both of you still like each other and are in regular contact. (Or at least it’s easier when said crush doesn’t return the romantic feelings but does choose you because the teachings must be wrong.)
Bagge
In one sense, Joyce was the best thing in Becky’s OLD life. Kind, loyal
hot, Joyce who always, always was there for Becky. After her mother died, after she fled Andersons, after her father turned on her, she had NOTHING… except Joyce.In that sense, Dina is the best of her NEW life. Smart, badass, hot Dina with her love for science, her complete refusal to let the world change her and her 100% honest admiration for Becky – not the pretend!Becky but the REAL!Becky.
So, yeah, I’m not too worried about those two doofuses. They’ll do fine 🙂
Diner Kinetic
Yeah, while Becky was also not over Joyce when initiating a dinoship, She was also very actively trying to move on; and frankly not being able to date Joyce wasn’t as destructive for becky as Un-Dottying was for Walky. She accepted crushin’ on Joyce was unhealthy; set her mental status to available, and did the thing. Walky… well, honestly there are ways this wouldn’t be unhealthy; but thinking you’re a garbage person for entering a relationship tends to be the wrong frame of mind for that sort of thing. That said, I still ship this harder than america ships weapons overseas.
Also, I think Amber might be more concerned with the Sal-related issues in this new dynamic than the Walky-Related ones; although anxiety means she could be concerned about everything realistically she didn’t have any demonstrable problems with the Garbage Barge until good ol’ Sal showed up and made her realize this might be unhealthy-adjacent.
Regalli
Yeah, thinking you’re garbage for moving on is one of those signs you shouldn’t yet. And I’m sure Amber’s focused most on Sal because acknowledging what Walky says is worrying would mean thinking what she thinks of herself is worrying, too.
All the Becky commentary is spot on there, both of you. Man Becky/Dina is great.
(Also my autocorrect now tries to automatically capitalize garbage sometimes. Thanks guys!)
Ed Rhodes
Love is a shambling thing!
butts
ethan you are a meme
Bagge
A truly devestating comeback
butts
so’s your face
Bagge
I know you are, but what am I?