345

Despair
Posted on August 2, 2022 by David M Willis

345 thoughts on “Despair”

  1. darkoneko

    This “haunted house” is like watching a train crash in real time and you can’t look away.

    1. Reltzik

      “Real time” meaning a few sentences per day.

    2. JepMZ

      It’s so bad, Ana Chronistic doesn’t want to be first in line

    3. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Beautiful work DyW! Love the “God doesn’t cancel anyone,” followed immediately by his biggest cancellation of humanity ever. ? It’s probably only second to cancelling Lucifer and the hosts that aligned with him.

      1. Clif

        Changing the subject abruptly because I can…

        Hey alt-text, I appreciated the classic horror reference even if no one else did.

      2. Wizard

        I love the smell of irony in the morning! (Or evening, whatever.)

      3. Concolor44

        Yes. The absence of self-awareness is simply breathtaking.

      4. Felian

        LOL nice, very true!

    4. Ragingagnostic

      No, a train crash would be horrific. This is just puzzling with a side order of nonsense. If they don’t know what exactly pre-flood mankind did that was so evil Lord Vengeance had to destroy most of them, then how are we supposed to avoid the kind of evil that made him decide an apocalypse was his only option?

      1. Clif

        It’s actually explained.

  2. Ana Chronistic

    “Me, I only use AMATEURnouns”

    1. ThunderNight

      I’m more of a NoviceNoun person myself.

    2. True Survivor

      They aren’t as good, but you don’t have to pay them.

      1. Dara

        Except, of course, in exposure.

        1. Chris M.

          Coincidentally, how Peter is paid as well.

        2. The Oracle

          And charged also.

        3. Dara

          I didn’t realise until right now that Peter’s peter is, shall we say, the pickled pepper of this particular presentation.

        4. Casi

          excellent alliteration friend

        5. Rognik

          Paid by Mary exposing herself?

        6. Thanatos

          That’s what he thought, but it turned out that he is paid by exposing himself. Read the fine print, people.

    3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Are there Connouns?

      1. Kitschensyngk

        I think they’re called “anti-nouns.”

      2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Maybe Connouns are how you talk about people who are in prison.

        1. Clif

          Not in prison, just uncouth. Haven’t you heard of Connouns the Barbarians?

      3. Kaiyalai

        No, only adverbs.

    4. Jungle Dwayne

      We call them noobnouns

      1. The Oracle

        When they act up, they get hit with the Pwnouns.

        1. Clif

          So, how many Pwnouns have you owned?

        2. The Oracle

          Not sure how to answer this, but to be succinct: At least 7.

        3. Clif

        4. Clif

          Well that didn’t work. Assume a thumbs up.

    5. Shade

      I prefer QualifiedExpertNouns.

      1. Clif

        Too expensive and there’s always a wait list.

  3. Ty34er

    Oh no, Mary’s one of those

    1. alongcameaspider

      Are you really surprised at this?

      1. Thag Simmons

        it is her defining character trait

        1. Jenniffniff

          I fact which she takes pride in.

    2. Opus the Poet

      Transphobes? Or Bloomin’ Idjits?

      1. Renadt

        Yes. And then some.

      2. Shade

        Those are the same thing.

        1. Opus the Poet

          Nope a person can be a Bloomin’ Idjit for other reasons, like being murderously anti-bike lane.

        2. Clif

          Y’all have anti-bike lanes up where you are?

          All those anti-bikers must be so pleased.

          They finally have a safe space to ride their anti-bikes.

        3. Taellosse

          I’m trying to visualize what an “anti-bike” would look like, and the only thing that makes sense to me is a construct affixed to the head and shoulders that features 2 large wheels which are designed to somehow spin only when the person wearing them is holding still – walking or running locks the wheels in place.

        4. Shadowsnail

          If you crash a bike into an anti-bike, what color are the emitted photons?

        5. Clif

          Blood red.

          Otherwise you’re not doing it fast enough.

        6. Jess

          GREAT mental image here, thank you.

    3. Proxiehunter

      We already knew that.

    4. Bryy

      Why would you think Mary would draw the line there?

  4. Sirksome

    I mean pronouns are just part of speech. Is Mary claiming god flooded the Earth because people talked?

    1. Shitbird

      Mary is Mary. So yes.

    2. Fart Captor

      No, Mary is saying God flooded the Earth because of trans people doing gender fuckery. “Pronouns” is just a dog whistle

      1. Wizard

        If that’s what she means, she’s doing a terrible job of expressing it. I mean, saying “they used pronouns” is either meaningless or incredibly ironic, and without more context there’s no way to tell which.

        1. thejeff

          It is a terrible way, but if you follow terf discourse, you’ll see it constantly. It’s one of those things that likely started off with more explanation, but now it’s just an in-group attack. Everyone who’s going to agree knows what you mean as do the people you’re trying to hurt, so why say more.

        2. Some Ed

          Because pretty much any time you talk about what everybody knows, even if it’s just limited to “everyone who x will know”, unless somehow the x quality fundamentally ensures knowledge, you’ll be wrong.

          “Everyone who is good at math knows that 1 + 1 = 2”. Maybe this one is right. *Maybe*. I mean, it’s kind of the definition of 2. But what if there’s someone out there who does a lot of math and is good at what they do, but only does base 2, so to them, it’s 1 + 1 = 10, and they read “1 + 1 = 2” as “1 + 1 = undefined symbol”?

          Even if, somehow, at some point in time, we managed to actually educate *everybody* on some topic, a second later, somebody new is born, and now not everyone knows again.

          Yes, I’m on spectrum, but this is more about being willing to see the bigger picture and caring about what the words actually mean, because we need them to mean something to communicate effectively and if you keep limiting your definition based on whatever context you’re aware of that happens to work for you that not everyone will know, then communication doesn’t happen as smoothly as it could.

          …

          I’m being overly optimistic again, aren’t I? Communication can’t actually happen that smoothly, because we don’t all use Spectate Swamp’s Swamp Search. (Not bothering to cite that reference, since everybody knows it already.)

        3. BlackJacques

          It’s humor! You should look into this humor stuff, it’s great!

    3. Nono

      I wonder what she thinks about gendered words in a large number of languages.

      1. Taellosse

        I’ve no doubt that she has no objection to the existence of gendered words, or, indeed, traditional pronoun usage in English. Her problem, of a certainty, is with people who wish to adopt a gender identity – and the corresponding gendered pronouns – other than what they were assigned at birth. Undoubtedly she also takes issue with anyone wishing to adopt pronouns that are expressly designed to avoid alignment with one or the other side of the traditional gender binary.

        With respect to languages which assign a gender to most nouns, Mary presumably opposes the efforts of some native speakers to de-gender their languages, since she likely believes those languages are already “as God intended”.

        1. thejeff

          Or even with people who do use the pronouns one might expect at a glance, but choose to announce theirs to normalize people whose preferred pronouns aren’t so obvious.

        2. Wizard

          Has anyone told her that some languages have three genders?

        3. Some Ed

          I’m pretty sure her problem is also the existence of people who, regardless of their personal preference, have a, um, complicated situation down there. Also, that’s a bit more than 0.1% of the population and it’s spread pretty evenly, so chances are really good she’s met at least one of them.

          (I say more than 0.1%, because I’m aware that there are multiple causes for said complicated situations, and one particular one has an official frequency of about 1 in 1000. I don’t know how common any of the others are, and there probably are more of them than I know about.)

          @Wizard: Like, um, English? Admittedly, we tend to not use one of them to refer to people, because it’s picked up a bad case of connotations. Some languages have four genders, and I don’t think English is among those.

    4. The Oracle

      Honestly, God’s kind of a bongo in a lot of those stories, so it’s not outside the realm of possibility.

    5. Thag Simmons

      The way reactionaries understand pronouns is not the way reasonable people understand pronouns

    6. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Maybe they didn’t get pronouns until The Tower Of Babel…

    7. easrng

      That would certainly be something…

      also whoops, hit the flag link by accident, sorry :/

      1. The Wellerman

        Hey this is actually pretty neat! ?

        Say did you make this? Who voiced Becky?

      2. Miri

        Love that! Reminds me of the boobquake thing a few years back… (Divinity punishing mankind with earthquakes because of the shameless hussies displaying their cleavage… Inspiring many women to wear low-cut “boobquake” tops because having boobs powerful to cause earthquakes is pretty darned cool TYVM!)

      3. a/snow/mous/e

        owo what’s this?

    8. Nipottaja

      We must not use pronouns, say Mary.
      Passive voice must not be used, say Strunk and White.
      What’s left? Yoda-speak?

      A way there always is.

    9. Michael Chandra

      Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. Gasp! And let’s not get started on how God is He. O_O

    10. Amelie Wikström

      Mary doesn’t realize she’s talking in jargon. And this is a spectacularly nonsensical piece of scaremongering christofascist jargon because it’s just using the regular word “pronouns” while attaching a big, vague, threatening (to the religious Right) concept of changing times and progressing social values and shifting power balances and gender nonconformism to it.

      The frightening thing here I think is seeing how deep in her bubble of conservative extremism Mary lives, if she has lost sight of the idea there could be people who aren’t scared of the things that scare her or even follow the convolutions of her specialized language. Talking to Dina and Becky would probably be very good for her, if she cared about what they’re saying.

      1. Twitcher

        So, the initial assertion about Mary and her parents is that they have no idea why she’s like this. Is that still the case, or shall we see?

        1. Bryy

          All I’ve ever heard is that, via Word of God, Nary’s parents are nice.

  5. easrng

    Oh hey, the clock drift is (mostly) fixed!

    1. The Wellerman

      That it is! Also great to see you here! ?

      1. Clif

        Is it corrected or fixed. I ask because I have no idea.

  6. Lumino

    I call bullshit. Lack of evidence would NEVER stop a real fundie. What’s this “We don’t know what their sins were” bullshit? Make something up to attack people you hate.

    1. Thag Simmons

      She’s trying to frighten people and uncertainty and ambiguity can be quite effective for that. While she’s not using it effectively, I’m surprised she even knows that it’s an option for her

    2. C.T. Phipps

      Wilis reminded me that in fact the book actually explicitly says what their sins were.

      1. Heather

        If Joyce was here she could name them I guess!

    3. Taellosse

      Nah, the Hebrew Bible doesn’t tend to be shy about getting into specifics when it comes to enumerating sinful acts. It gets fairly precise about what sorts of things Noah’s contemporaries were getting up to – a large fraction of it involves “unclean” forms of fornication (both involving partners that ought not to copulate, like close relatives, and the sex acts themselves, such as butt stuff), though there’s plenty of other stuff listed that doesn’t involve anybody’s genitals.

      1. thejeff

        Not that specific. Unless I missed something.
        Genesis 6:
        5 The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. 6 The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled. 7 So the Lord said, “I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created—and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground—for I regret that I have made them.”
        11 Now the earth was corrupt in God’s sight and was full of violence. 12 God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways.

        Seems more about violence than about sex. There’s a bit just before about the Sons of God and the Nephelim marries the daughters of man, but that seems to be separate. In response to that, God ends the long lifespans of humans, limiting them to 120 years – though Noah remains an exception.

        1. deliverything

          Ah yes, the all-knowing, all-powerful and all-loving God, who exists outside of time and so is aware of everything that will ever happen, yet didn’t predict this and couldn’t figure out a way to fix it without causing an ecological catastrophe that would have killed countless innocent animals.

  7. Doctor_Who

    I choose to believe she immediately follows this with that “dramatic chipmunk” sound clip from Young Frankenstein.

    1. Puppeteer Nessus

      This is also good:

      https://youtu.be/8j7bxJWlffE

  8. alongcameaspider

    This is painful to watch

    1. Clif

      And by painful we mean hilarious.

      Well worth the investment in popcorn.

  9. True Survivor

    Scariest thing about this haunted house is that some people actually believe this madness.

    1. Reltzik

      No, the scariest thing about this haunted house is that Mary actually believed this madness was a good thing to present to an audience.

      … though once we get to Revelations, that scale’s going to tip the other way hard.

    2. Lady Duffman

      Scariest thing is that (assuming the story’s still circa 2011 or so), Mary’s a few years ahead of the curve in RW fuckery…

      1. Fay

        The story is on a sliding time scale, meaning it’s pretty much always happening in our present day(well, a present day without any pandemics).

        1. Shade

          Just assume all Nintendo DS’s in old strips were actually just weird looking Switches.

      2. Ana Chronistic

        No, the scariest thing is that Mary SMUGLY remembers this time when mentioning it to Jason, so SOMEHOW, she WINS

  10. Kyrik Michalowski

    I hope Mary gets expelled for this bullshit; doubt it will happen though.

    On the brightside, this is delaying Becky and Dina from reaching the party which is going to inevitably fucked.

    1. alongcameaspider

      I’m imagining their entrance to the party being like that one Community gif

      1. Laura

        Which one?

        1. Kyrik Michalowski

          https://c.tenor.com/4U2UQvdsVt4AAAAM/welcome-back-welcome-home.gif

          This one.

        2. Laura

          Love it! Thanks!

        3. alongcameaspider

          The one with Troy (I think that’s the characters name, its been a while since I watched the show) walking in with pizza to the rest of the characters in varying degrees of chaos

      2. Kyrik Michalowski

        I’ve never seen the show, but I know exactly which gif that is.

    2. Dave

      We just saw her in the dorm before this flashback began, so I don’t think it’s possible for her to have been expelled.

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        Damn, oh well. Thanks for the reminder though, I had completely forgotten.

        1. King Daniel

          Mary was actually the one who told Jason that “Halloween” was why Ruth and Jennifer were now at each other’s throats, prompting him to ask what happened on Halloween and segueing directly into this chapter.

        2. Needfuldoer

          Just like this segue to our sponsor, Glasswire!

        3. Clif

          Do you mean Glasssowire’s Firewalls, Pizzas and Subs?

    3. tbf

      Peter have been expelled if the RA caught him, um, letting his cock crow three times.

      1. tbf

        Augh, autocorrect ate a word: Peter might have been expelled.

        1. Freddie!

          You probably forgot to turn off autodelete.

  11. Laura

    Gah. Pronouns. Bah, humbug! That’s why I never touch the stuff.

    😉 /jk (I actually don’t use pronouns, but not because I think they’re sinful.)

    Un-fun fact: more schoolkids have died from guns than from pronouns.

    The more you know…

    1. Laura

      D’oh! I just used a couple pronouns! *Facepalm*

      1. Jon

        “I” is a first-person pronoun. So you used another one. 🙂

        1. wwwhhattt

          They’re everywhere! The whole world’s going to the dogs.

    2. Reltzik

      Guns can count as pronouns if you call them “them”!

    3. PirateTawnee

      Un-fun fact clarified : more schoolkids have died from guns than from anything except vehicle accidents. (New England Journal of Medicine study Dec 2018).

      1. Clif

        Quick! Someone explain why “anything” isn’t a pronoun.

        Or for that matter “someone”.

        I went to the store.
        You went to the store.
        He went to the store.
        She went to the store.
        Someone went to the store.

        1. Yumi

          The pronouns are growing.

        2. Kabo

          Those are pronouns, although not personal pronouns, but rather what’s called “indefinite” pronouns (because they don’t refer to anyone in particular).

        3. Laura

          Fascinating!

      2. Laura

        Ouch. I didn’t know. D-:

      3. Laura

        The “ouch” was in reply to Pirate Tawnee, but got lost in the pile.

      4. James

        That was 2018! I understand guns and auto accidents have actually been in a pretty right race and guns finally pulled ahead in 2020.

        1. Clif

          During the pandemic, travel went down and depression went up.

    4. Freddie!

      It’s those amateurnouns you gotta watch out for.

  12. Proxiehunter

    You just used a pronoun Mary.

    1. newlland(Henryvolt)

      5 to be exact.

    2. Dr. Sharks

      Yeah, Mary, perhaps WHO used pronouns?
      The sad thing is, there are lots of people who say, unironically, the exact phrase “I don’t use pronouns.” That phrase feels like a perfect little microcosm of the extreme right’s willingness to ignore facts. To everyone in their little bubble, that phrase has a special transphobic meaning, but to everyone else it’s just like, “my guy, what do you think literally the first word you said is called? You don’t even understand what you’re hating.”

  13. Laura

    …And, I thought Mary was all about how she thinks God likes to cancel entire groups of people right out the gate?

    1. Durandal_1707

      I mean, Willis just made that exact point right here with that segue into the second panel…

    2. The Wellerman

      “God doesn’t ‘cancel’ people, he cleanses them” /s

      seriously yeah the one-sideness here is QUITE revealing ?

    3. Thag Simmons

      Hypocrisy is a defining trait of hers

  14. Dean

    I’m assuming Peter is nude from the waist down in panel 3.

    1. Clif

      It’s necessary. Otherwise he wouldn’t be properly cleansed.

  15. The Wellerman

    while i am really pissed off at Mary now (who isn’t) I just can’t help but sus even more that this hell house really is an excuse for her to have sex with Peter just because of how half-assed it all seems.

  16. Archieve

    Hard to say what their sin was, God canceled them all so long ago.

  17. Opus the Poet

    interesting segue, going from “Gawd doesn’t cancel anybody.” to Gawd cancelling every living thing on Earth because He was insulted by people not living the way he wanted them to live. Way to go Mary, tear down that simile with your next statement.

    1. Dave Van Domelen

      Mary and her ilk are immune to irony, among other brain-related things.

      1. Bryy

        I dunno. Mary’s proven a few times (this storyline even) that she fully acknowledges her hypocrisy, she just thinks it’s okay because she’s saved/chosen or some such BS.

  18. AbacusWizard

    did they use pronouns?

    did they?

    did

    they?

    1. Dave Van Domelen

      God has His own special pronoun that only He gets to use. So special that it must be capitalized when you refer to Him.

      1. Jungle Dwayne

        And when you say it, you’ve got to really emphasize the H

        1. AbacusWizard

          HHHHHHHHHHHHH *cough cough* sorry overexterted my vocal chords there HHHHHHeeeeee

      2. Alex

        Off topic but some theologians have questioned if a masculine pronoun is actually correct for God. One person even recommended xie for God.

        1. Bathymetheus

          Believers say that God created the universe. To my mind, that is an act of giving birth.

          Therefore, God is female.

        2. Freddie!

          I’ve heard the holy spirit referred to as “she”.

          But ’cause the Trinity, “them” is definitely appropriate.

  19. TrueVCU

    I knew Mary was tiresome but Jesus Fred-Astaire-Level-Tapdancing Christ

  20. RassilonTDavros

    And the LORD God said unto His creation: “I’ve thought of a wonderful present for you. Shall I give you despair?”

    1. The Oracle

      Voiced by George Newbern, naturally.

  21. Fart Captor

    Just gonna point out for people that when conservatives talk about “pronouns” like this, it’s a dog whistle for trans people. Pointing out that there’s pronouns in the Bible or that they’ve used them in the very sentence they complained about them in is not generally gonna have any effect

    They aren’t saying they hate pronouns, they’re saying they hate trans people. Make them spell it out instead of hiding behind euphemisms instead of taking them at face value and citing grammar at them

    1. The Wellerman

      If it’s stupid and confusing, no message is gonna get across to many people, defeating the purpose.

      If Mary really cares about what she’s doing, she’d take those months of time to refine her message and her scenes.

      I sus this whole hell house is just a half assed effort that’s secondary to some other purpose.

      1. Fart Captor

        That is not the purpose of dog whistles. The people they’re for already know what they mean . The whole POINT is that most people fail to recognize them or don’t take it seriously

        1. The Wellerman

          Ah, so this whole hell house is really just an echo chamber.

          Quite literally, in some cases.

        2. Fart Captor

          Not entirely. Other bigots are of course part of her intended audience, but so are queer people, many of whom will also recognize the dog whistle

          But if they complain, those who don’t hear it (or are bigots and agree) will miss the underlying hate and fail to respond accordingly

          Hence me trying to educate people. She may not be using slurs, but the same intent is still there

        3. The Wellerman

          Re: educate people, thank you for the clarification!

          Now I know, and knowing is half the battle. ?

        4. Fay

          The dog whistles help bigots find other people who share their beliefs without making it too obvious outsiders, because they know that would result in push-back otherwise. It gives them plausible deniability. It can also help them win over people that are on the fence or are uneducated on the subject by masquerading as a more “reasonable” stance.

        5. The Wellerman

          I don’t even wanna think about the kinds of ableist dog-whistles there are for autistic people ?

        6. The Oracle

          If they really had confidence in their bullshit, they wouldn’t need to hide it at all, so I figure they’re convincing themselves as much as (or more than) other people.

        7. Fart Captor

          They’re plenty confident in some places. Florida is literally on the brink of forcing trans people to detransition. ALL of them.

          It’s tactical, not cowardly. I do not need to be told everything will be fine, I need cis people to pay attention to the genocide in progress

        8. The Wellerman

          You’re right Fart Captor.

          It’s just not enough to not be a bigot. We have to actively be anti-bigot.

          If it didn’t burn me out, I’d send my parasite spores to Florida right now.

        9. The Oracle

          I’ve missed multiple context clues already, so I’ll state this plainly to hopefully make it clear. I’m absolutely not one of the people ignoring the genocide, and I’m absolutely not telling you everything will be fine. Like I’ve already said, I’m not your enemy.

    2. The Oracle

      Look, we already know this. It takes more energy to explain their bullshit and try to get others to call them out, and it’s a much longer-term goal. It’s easier to make fun of their stupid asses for petty shit like grammar failures, in the short term. One doesn’t replace the other.

      1. Fart Captor

        Cool. Thanks so much for taking the easy, useless route when arguing with people who want to force me to detransition if not simply die. I wouldn’t want anyone to put themselves out

        1. The Oracle

          Oh sorry, did you want me to convince other people here of what we all already know? I didn’t realize making a petty comment here physically prevents me from spending more energy elsewhere actually doing something. I’m not your enemy, and nobody else here is, so why should I spend that energy here, of all places? You’re assuming the worst about me, stranger, and I’d appreciate it if you’d knock it off when I haven’t said a single thing to suggest I never actually engage with bigots in a more useful way.

        2. Fart Captor

          I was trying to educate people precisely because I, a trans woman, CONSTANTLY see cis people reacting to this exact kinda thing in real life by making jokes and turning into grammar police instead of CALLING OUT THE GODDAMN TRANSPHOBIA

          Maybe if you had listened instead if blowing off what I had to say I wouldn’t have formed a negative opinion of you so quickly

        3. The Oracle

          It seems like you’ve already decided I’m The Enemy, but I don’t have the energy to fight someone whose side I’m actually on. So instead I’ll just say, I’m sorry if my first reply came across as a blow-off. That wasn’t the intent and I tried to put as many conditionals and qualifiers as I could, but obviously it wasn’t enough to be entirely clear, so I’ll just have to do a better job next time.

        4. RassilonTDavros

          I will say that I have met people who genuinely had no idea that pronouns are an actual part of speech rather than just a term invented by trans people or liberals or whatever. The American school system barely teaches grammar at all (half of what I know about English grammar I actually learned from taking Latin, and the other half came from watching a VHS of Schoolhouse Rock!) and I do think that transphobes are deliberately exploiting this lack of information to turn “pronouns” into a scary buzzword.

          With that said, though, Fart Captor is absolutely right that calling out the bigotry really needs to come first and foremost.

        5. The Wellerman

          Holy shit, REALLY?!?!?!

          Not only transphobia, but transphobia made worse by a failing education system?!??!

          That is seriously messed up.

        6. The Oracle

          Of course they need to be called out. And when we’re not currently doing that, I don’t see the problem with making fun of them.

        7. Fart Captor

          Oracle, I’ve explained this.

          It’s not a problem here, in this comments section, because Mary isn’t real.

          But if you encounter a real live person talking like this, it’s going to do more good to call them out for their bigotry than to mock them for “not understanding grammar”, because it’s the bigotry that harms trans people

        8. The Oracle

          Fucksake, YES. I KNOW. I AGREE with you. We are not opposed here. Stop fucking talking down to me like I’m a dipshit six-year-old.

        9. hazel

          I believe it was starting all that with “Look,” which is not an entirely friendly way to start a conversation with an internet stranger, and doing a Sarcasm in the reply to that is escalating. I would try to not do that. You did this on her comment as well; it’d be different the other way around.

          Regarding your stated point, I think it really is better to make bigots explain their shit. People who feel this way get to put everyone else on the defensive with their inane questions, it’s probably good to do some pushing back and make them do work by cornering them with bad faith BS. You’re right that they don’t replace the other, which is why I don’t understand why you started this in the first place. Just different methods along different opinions in the same fight.

          Anyway, *I* hopped in in the case that maybe mediation might help, in-fighting sucks and yall shouldn’t feel bad. We all get angry.

        10. The Oracle

          I was initially going for a more conversational tone and might have use more familiar language than was strictly called for. Nothing I said was ever intended to say “Fighting back is too hard so don’t do it”, and I guess I sorta bristled when it seemed to be taken that way.

          You’re right though, infighting sucks, and I’d go as far as to say it’s completely useless. It’s what They want, after all.

        11. Yumi

          You came in completely dismissive with “Look, we already know this.” It was more rude than conversational, both to Fart Captor and to anyone who might have actually been learning more as a result of her comments.

        12. The Oracle

          I know how I started off and I’ve already acknowledged it and apologized for the crummy tone. I know it sucked and I’m sorry for it, truly. Tone doesn’t always come across over text and I should have done a better job of conveying it. I could spend all day apologizing over and over, but that would probably come across as insincere, so the best I can do is try harder not to repeat the behavior in the future.

        13. Eyebrow

          Let’s hope Murdoch and Putin don’t manage to elect Ron DeSantis in 2024 then, or every Trans person in the USA will be in trouble

    3. Nova

      I really appreciate you pointing this out and continuing to explain even when people were bristly at you. Having looked through the rest of the comments, you’re painfully correct in how many people went the “Pronouns are grammatical, BOOM gotcha” route, rather than the “Transphobia is disgusting and I wish this lady would implode” route.

      Obviously the grammar joke is true and in theme for a comic, but it’s low-hanging fruit. I feel like the transphobia would have been more roundly unpacked and torn apart if she’d been overt about it. This comments section rarely errs on the “just a joke” side of things, so I couldn’t support your points more if I tried.

      Dogwhistles are insidious and crazy effective. Pointing out that pronouns are real doesn’t upset the right-wing jerks because they already know that. Meanwhile, they get to keep right on whistling for company.

    4. AlexaSpuds

      you’re correct but it’s funny to annoy them like that, if you do this enough time they lose their temper and go from dogwhistle to outright stating they wanna kill trans people and when they do that they basically guarantee their ostracization

      1. The Oracle

        As much as I advocate mocking bigots, I slightly disagree with you. When they inevitably have an outburst, they’ll just twist it into “Look what these SJWs tricked me into saying!” and be believed and backed up. The mockery is strictly a selfish, short-term bit of catharsis that inherently can’t lead to results on its own.

        1. thejeff

          Sometimes it outs them to others though. Shifts their appearance from “reasonable concerns” to “fascist bigots”. It can cut down their support, even if it doesn’t change their mind.

        2. Fart Captor

          Precisely, jeff

          Taking them at face value lets them keep their bigotry low-key. Calling out the bigotry draws clear attention to it, which is exactly what they’re trying to avoid by using dog whistles in the first place

          If you don’t point out what they REALLY are saying or force them to actually say it, then you’re playing into the tactic and letting them keep the bigotry low-key

    5. Beau Kirin Maysey

      It’s definitely just a ‘stage’ to rail against trans, non-binary, and gender-nonforming individuals, but they’ve ALSO spiraled it into yelling at ANYONE bothering to try and include an introduction to their pronouns no matter who they are. I think there’s a lot of hate thrown at the concept, but the bigotry remains the same.

      1. Alex

        They’re angry not just at trans and gender-nonconforming people, but anyone who supports such people or makes an effort to include them.

    6. Alex

      I tried to point out to this kind of person that people probably called them he or she, and they just said “you know what I mean”. Oh, so what you mean is that you hate trans people.

  22. The Oracle

    Hehe, the joke is that she’s gonna die alone and unwanted, which is better than she deserves.

  23. Kitschensyngk

    It’s people like Mary who make me glad I was raised Rufus-Xavier-Sarsparillian Orthodox.

    1. The Oracle

      A mole rat, a headmaster, and a beverage?

      1. Jeff K!

        Ooh, I get to share a Schoolhouse Rock!

        Enjoy!
        https://youtu.be/Eu1ciVFbecw

    2. RassilonTDavros

      Preach it!

  24. Passchendaele

    mary don’t forget the time god cancelled the amalekites. or the egyptians. or the cities of sodom and gomorrah. or the israelites if he was in a bad mood.

    1. Clif

      One of these years, I’m going to write Gomorracy: The Lost Sin and put it on Facebook to see how well it sells.

      1. Clif

        Consulting my notes, I see it’s actually Gomorrahcy: The Lost Perversion.

  25. Mr. Random

    Not even a hint of irony in that speech, I love ir.

  26. Reltzik

    Mary, Panel 1: God doesn’t cancel anyone.

    Mary, Panel 2-5: Look at all the sinful people that God drowned.

    Me: Wow, so very sinful. Good thing God canceled them, am I right?

  27. Nono

    If he doesn’t cancel anybody, why would he send a cleansing flood?

    1. The Oracle

      Well, it’s not called a cancelling flood, is it?

  28. Reltzik

    ……. WAIT.

    Pre-Babel, wouldn’t everyone have been speaking God’s original language that He spoke to Adam and Eve with?

    ….

    God invented pronouns! EAT IT, MARY!

    1. Alex

      Do we know that this language used pronouns? Wasn’t this supposed language lost to time?

      1. Reltzik

        Well, if not, then Mary’s completely off-base with her they-used-pronouns theory.

        Either way, EAT IT MARY!

  29. Sirksome

    I am kind of curious exactly how Mary developed these beliefs and this mindset. Did it trickle down from her parents? Are they ultra conservative fundamentalists that passed down their beliefs? Did she fall into the alt right social media circle jerk at a young age? Y’know you start with Pewdiepie and eventually graduate to Ben Shapiro, and Jordan Peterson with a nice side of Prager U? I’d like to know the origin story.

    1. lily

      i imagine theyr’e similar but it’d be hilarious if her parents were the ‘chill’ kinda religious ppl

      1. King Daniel

        Per Willis’s most recent word on the subject, the latter is indeed the case. Mary’s parents aren’t Older Maries, to turn Mary’s name into a descriptor.

        1. King Daniel

          (Ergo, the “falling down the alt-right media hole” hypothesis Sirksome put forward above is what I’ve been presuming myself now for a while.)

        2. Schpoonman

          She’s been like this since roughly the start of DoA, and possibly her incarnations further back in the Walkyverse. Always a self-righteous hypocrite using religion as a cudgel, but being in the same wing as Carla has probably turned her more towards transphobia as a focus.

  30. Bagge

    I bet there were lesbians getting haircuts

  31. Sirksome

    Okay I’m going to say something nice about Mary here that I don’t really enjoy, but this is actually a surprising amount of artistry and presentation. She clearly put a lot of time and work into this. Like there is set design, backgrounds, cardboard cutouts, costume changes. She probably had to rehearse her whole incredibly bigoted speech, and she even made her own shirt. This would be incredible if it weren’t going to something so conceptually and morally awful. Mary is an artist. A horrible, transphobic, hyper conservative, possibly racist, artist.

    1. The Oracle

      The best part is that everyone but her can see how completely pathetic she is in every conceivable way.

    2. Loki

      Doesn’t she also draw?

      1. James

        I believe her major is literally art, isn’t it? We know she takes life drawing classes at least.

        1. Schpoonman

          She drew Sarah and Joyce’s door pictures for Halloween. I think I remember updated pictures on their door for winter but I’m not certain.

    3. Nono

      I’m sure that to Mary, bigoted speeches come naturally.

  32. lily

    …Everyone uses pronouns lol. And mary even says ‘they’ lol Wonder if Booster is gonna walk in.

    1. The Oracle

      Booster wasn’t there yet.

      1. Lily

        ah i see,well, statistically i’m sure a couple others use they/them

        1. RedCat

          Malaya uses She/they/whatever.

    2. 3oranges

      If what I have seen in media is correct, cavemen don’t use pronouns. They say things like “Gruk want invent wheel so Gruk travel fast, but Ugak point out nowhere for Gruk go yet.”

      So I guess Mary is saying the moment they stopped that, God decided to murder them all.

    3. Zaxares

      There was a hilarious brief trend online recently (possibly prompted by that video of Kamala starting a meeting for a disability association by describing herself and her pronouns) about how people were saying that “the Constitution/Bible doesn’t have pronouns!” SURPRISE, it totally does! Do you not typically refer to God as “He”? Does the Constitution not famously start with “We, the People”?

      1. Clif

        Well, you see, that doesn’t actually count because those are uses of pronouns like God intended.

        You know, back when she invented them.

    4. Alex

      Annoying pedantic correction: English speakers use pronouns. Not every language has them.

      1. 3oranges

        They’re definitely common in a lot of different languages from a lot of unrelated families. Which ones don’t?

        1. Alex

          This is controversial but the way I was taught to understand Japanese doesn’t involve pronouns. Japanese has something called the wa particle that marks the topic of conversation, and once it is marked you don’t refer back to it with a pronoun ever. It’s just understood that you’re talking about the topic until a new topic is declared. There are nouns that refer to yourself or to another person, but they are used MUCH less frequently and they don’t have any special functions. Some English speakers will insist on calling these pronouns, but only because they come from a language that makes such a heavy use of pronouns.

        2. Schpoonman

          We were taught Japanese in very different manners. I personally only learned “watashi” (a gender-neutral vaguely respectful “I”) in class, but years of being a weeb has also taught me “ore” (male arrogant “I”) and “boku” (young male “I”) are specific pronouns at least somewhat in circulation.

  33. cmd1095

    Man she is cringey, could she get any more bigoted and gross? Am I calling her “she” because it’s a pronoun and I’m a troll? The answer to all these questions is probably yes.

    1. Clif

      Nah, if you were a troll you’d be making pro-Mary arguments to get reactions and upset people.

      1. cmd1095

        I have *standards* man. I troll for justice!

  34. BBCC

    Mary, pronouns are a grammatical function, not a gender.

    But it doesn’t really matter – I know full well what she means by that and FUCK Mary.

    1. The Oracle

      Ew no, don’t fuck Mary. She doesn’t understand what any of those parts actually do and she’ll make it super awkward.

      1. The Wellerman

        Uh, she jerked off to Reagan kneeling at the cross in Willis’s Welcome to the Fuck Zone.

        1. The Oracle

          That convinces me of nothing. She knows her parts do some stuff when she fiddles with ’em, there’s nothing to imply she knows anything else about anything sex-adjacent.

        2. The Wellerman

          Yeah I guess that’s true.

          After all, Becky masturbated long before she had uncensored biology books and unfettered internet access. Good call.

        3. The Oracle

          In the case of people like Mary, it’s helpful for me to think of them as more or less especially-spiteful infants with a slightly larger vocabulary. Makes it easier to understand where their reasoning comes from.

        4. Bryy

          I’d be very surprised if Mary and Peter have not had sex yet.

        5. The Oracle

          I’d be disappointed but only because it sounds like a hilarious Slipshine that I’d love to read.

        6. Kyrik Michalowski

          Jilled off*

        7. The Oracle

          Dang, I was enjoying the mental image of Mary doing completely the wrong motions out of sheer ignorant confusion.

        8. The Wellerman

          eh, I think “jerk off” is pretty gender-neutral? ’cause I use it to refer to when i do it sometimes

        9. Kyrik Michalowski

          So the male specific is “jack off,” the female is “jill off” and, “jerk off” is gender neutral? Works for me.

  35. Fart Captor

    The “flag” links on comments could really use a confirm dialog. I’ve already managed accidentally flag two people trying to tap “reply” ?

    1. The Wellerman

      Don’t sweat it.

      You need like dozens of flags before it’s taken down now.

  36. huehuetotl

    Not entirely relevant, but in the polytheistic versions of the Babylonian flood myth (where the boatman was named Atrahasis, Utnapishtim, or Ziasudra) humans offended the gods, especially Enlil/El, by there being too many people praying too much. The gods try to kill the humans 3 times, but Enki/Ea keeps saving them. The last time he’s only able to save the boatman’s family. When the boatman does a burnt offering, the gods realize they won’t get to eat the smell of grilled meat if they kill off all the humans, so they come up with an agreement. No more exterminating all humans, but there will be miscarriages, stillbirths, and people who perform abortions. And the gods made a new type of humans, women who can’t bear children.

    When Ea and El are combined into the same character, his motivations become incoherent.

    1. C.T. Phipps

      I love speculating on religious transitions. I remember having a conversation with a guy, “You know, we have no idea what the Viking religion was like before the Christians corrupted it and rewrote it.”

      “I mean, the incarnation of Norse religion we think of might have not existed before Christian influences. By the year 900, Germanic Wotan/Odin worshipers had been dealing with Romanized Christians for 600 years as the dominant faith in the Empire.”

      “No, Christianity was a new religion in the Viking times.”

      …okay.

    2. The Wellerman

      Re: El and Ea combined and thus becoming incoherent, i like to think this highlights the root of the Problem of Evil in monotheistic religion, mainly Christianity.

      Where polytheism gave room for both good and evil gods, monotheism is forced to combine the source of the universe’s good and source of the universe’s evil into one being, inevitably resulting in a god with incoherent motivations and conflicting attributes.

      1. Mark

        Oh, it’s weirder than that. You’re forgetting Satan. Who is responsible for all of the evil. Which he can only do with Yaweh’s permission.

        1. Chaucer59

          It’s a weird variety of “responsible” in that Satan cannot create. He can only corrupt Yahweh’s creations. From the very beginning, Yahweh is a conundrum. He gives Adam and Eve free will but constrains their actions re the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Knowing that Yahweh is omniscient and omnipotent, that constraint should be unbreakable. Doesn’t Yahweh see the Serpent tempt Eve? Doesn’t He see Eve eat the fruit and entice Adam to do likewise. And how do A&E manage to hide from an omniscient being? If, as some theologians argue, Yahweh really does see everything happen in his garden—both contemporaneously and through prior foreknowledge—what’s the point of the whole farce? And doesn’t Yahweh’s complicity make him the actual corrupter of his own creation?

        2. The Wellerman

          Yeah, a lot of apologists for monotheistic religion like this try to get around the Problem of Evil by sneaking in polytheistic concepts.

          To this ends, Christianity introduces Satan as an evil god in this “good cop bad cop” kinda deal where Yahweh is the “good” cop. Some groups like Jehovas Witnesses even view Satan as the de facto ruler of the world.

          But of course, this only shifts the Problem of Evil back a step — Yahweh is aware of Satan’s evil, but yet is unable or unwilling to prevent it.

        3. C.T. Phipps

          I feel like “apologist” is a weird thing to talk about when it dates back to Zorastrianism, one of the oldest religions in the world. It’s pretty damn dismissive.

        4. The Wellerman

          Oh! Sorry, i didn’t mean to come across as dismissive! I didn’t really mean to refer to religions like Zorastrianism were polytheism was already built into the belief system from the ground up, but modern monotheistic religions that only hastily incorporated polytheistic concepts post hoc to suspend disbelief among followers.

  37. C.T. Phipps

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    NOT THAT!

    ANYTHING BUT THAT!

    Also, hilarious use of God cancelling Sodom and Gamorah but Mary mentioning he’s not into cancelling anyone.

    1. Needfuldoer

      “It doesn’t count as canceling if they deserve it!”

      – Mary, probably.

  38. Pivitor

    Mary, God flooded the Earth because people and angels were fucking. This is Bible 101 stuff

  39. Bluesnake463

    The strip could end after panel 2 and it would still be gold.

  40. BigRedSnake

    The only real clue as to what caused the flood is the sentence right before the flood where humans bang angels and have half-breed children. But the kids are all heroes and warriors. But to be warrior you must fight, and to be a hero you must fight villains. Therefore… I guess they fought only evil humans?
    The half-breeds should have been more genocidal as evil humans grew too large in numbers and oh god, that’s half the plot of the (sweet) Dominion TV show.
    Anyway: Don’t bang angels.

    1. Clif

      By the process of elimination, that takes us to bNging demons. I wonder how that turns out.

  41. Ohmsford

    “God never cancels anybody! Now let’s move on to the instance where God canceled everyone except one family…LITERALLY!”

    1. The Oracle

      The punk cancelled everybody for the heinous crime of making a building with an attic, that one time.

      1. Laura

        I assume you mean “punk” in its less objectionable meanings, such as “bandit,” or “inept”. Fascinating word, “punk”. It’s meant so many things over the years. The Wiktionary article on its etymology needs a massive trigger warning in the heading. My partner can’t stand to hear the word, finding it utterly offensive, but I spent so much time among punx (in the political/musical/socioeconomic sense) that I have a hard time feeling anything but affection for the word, even though I know it’s a word that carries so much pain for so many.

        1. Laura

          It’s funny how a single word can strike such a minor chord in someone’s psyche. I heard an acquaintance use a diminutive ‘cutesy’ word to describe transmen during a discussion of a sensitive topic and — even though she insisted she meant nothing but kindness and affection — it just shook me to my core, and I couldn’t stand to see her again after that.

          …So odd. A single word used to describe a group can strike a person in a particular way, and cut so deep, even inadvertently. Don’t know if that’s “cancel culture” or just sensitivity. Or what it is.

        2. The Oracle

          I specifically meant it in a “You young punks get off my lawn” sort of way, if that helps clarify.

        3. Laura

          That’s what I read it as. The “bandit/ne’erdowell” meaning. Cool! Thanks for the clarification! 🙂

          Sorry to make a big deal out of nothing! I just thought it was interesting how a single word can mean so many different things to different people.

          I’m really glad to see you here and I appreciate your comments.

  42. TheFlamingonator

    Wait why is her boyfriend playing all of the characters could she not get even a single Theatre Kid to play a role?

    1. 3oranges

      I mean, I’d believe that.

    2. lily

      i don’t think mary would have enough friends to convince anyone for free, and any ‘theatre kid’ is prolly too gay for her standards (i’m sure straight theatre kids are are around too but i doubt they’d be down for religious propaganda bc theyre not quite at teh starving artist/desperate roles stage yet lol)

  43. Icalasari

    Might have something to do with things like committing SA on an angel (which in themselves are supposed to be so eldritch and horrifying that they must assure people to not be afraid) and other such acts, Mary

    1. Nova

      The day I learned that Monster Fuckers are a proud and ancient people.

  44. hazel

    I continue to love and hate the Hell House as a plot device to bring up our current wild cultural landscape and frame it alongside Mary, the Locally Known Cartoon Bad Guy.

    It only works as a flashback really, I think we’d all be too preoccupied to process this theming if we had Mike and everyone’s trauma fresh on the brain.

  45. Jon

    She’s fucking with them, right? She could not possibly lack this most basic degree of self awareness, right?

    Yeah yeah I get it, Poe’s law or whatever the fuck

    1. Icalasari

      Mike dies and she gets to spread her toxicity. The world is unfair

      1. Schpoonman

        I don’t understand, there’s still a net negative of toxicity compared to before Mike’s death.

    2. Angel

      -vaguely gestures to…well, most of america-

  46. Reaver

    She is so campy ridiculous but I knew people just like her when I went to church lol

    1. The Wellerman

      You have my sympathy. That must have been awful.

    2. Koname

      Its the eternal problem with “cartoon villainy”. People notice it when its in fiction, often annoyed with how overused it can be, but don’t always realize that there are people really like that.

  47. Pipato

    “God would never cancel anybody.”
    “Next up, this one time when god cancelled everybody”

  48. Stifyn Baker

    As far as Mary is concerned, ‘irony’ is just like ‘goldy’ and ‘coppery’, except it’s made of iron.

  49. Squishy

    Exodus 20:3 is but one prime example of God canceling others. Appreciate this little flashback reinforcing how okay it is to have never felt bad about Mary’s schemes backfiring so far.

  50. Needfuldoer

    Mary must not remember primary school grammar classes, otherwise Mary would know what pronouns are and how many times Mary has used them in this arc.

    1. Alex

      She used “they” in the same sentence.

    2. The Wellerman

      Yeah I almost don’t want to believe people like her are actually that stupid.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Cognitive dissonance is a cornerstone of many regressive mindsets.

  51. newlland(Henryvolt)

    I don’t know about that, he canceled the fuck out of Cain when he murdered his brother.

  52. fireprincesslily

    Why couldn’t Mary fall off a roof? Mike woulda pushed her for a nickle

  53. Rabisch

    I agree with Diana’s costume. This is hilarious. Totally crazy, alarming, but hilarious.

  54. Minkey93

    Mary seems to swing between actual twunt. And like stereotypical intolerant Christian meme.

    1. MK15

      I long for the day ‘hypocritical Christian’ was an exaggerative stereotype and not every Facebook relative complaining & sharing about “cancel culture” and “pronouns,” viewpoints also pushed by the most-watched cable news channel on a daily basis.

      Mandy Moore’s character throwing a Bible at Jena Malone’s while saying “I’m filled with Christ’s love” was a metaphor twenty years ago… but it may as well be literal now.

  55. Buli-buli

    I think the best part of this is how serious Mary is.
    Like she thinks this is all hard hitting stuff.

    Guess, it goes back to the alt-right idea that all their prejudices are self-evident truths and the libs are just lying, virtue-signalling trolls.
    …course, I’ve read enough crappy, radical second-wave feminist literature to know that’s not just alt-right.

    1. Mark

      I can’t help thinking that what she needs is for Becky and Dina to suddenly burst out laughing. I’m probably wrong.

  56. Alan in DC

    Given the timbre of today’s news and the state of American current affairs, I wonder what Mary’s opinion on abortion would be?

    … if she suddenly found herself in need of one?

    1. The Oracle

      Well, if she has any integrity (lol), she’d stick to her guns and die like she expects others to do in that situation.

    2. Fnord

      https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/

      1. Fart Captor

        This exactly. It wouldn’t be murder because she’s a Good Righteous Christian and would never do murder

    3. Bryy

      I honestly would not put it past Willis to do a Mary/Abortion storyline.

    4. The Wellerman

      speaking of this, when i searched google images yesterday for “crayon style game”, I found something that absolutely pissed me off:

      a product promotional image from Zazzle.com for a “Pro-life” t-shirt printed in crayon font

      seriously bruh, this is not cool ?

  57. Stephen Nedland

    “God never cancels anybody! Now lets go to the next exhibit, where God kills tens of thousands, for not worshiping him.”

  58. ValdVin

    Peter’s got more costume changes than Streisand.

  59. foducool

    “god doesn’t cancel anything”
    *moves on to one of the examples where god cancelled everyone* lmao

  60. Chaucer59

    It’s hilarious, but I thought this storyline predated concepts like cancel culture and the whole pronoun shift. What’s next? CRT?

    1. thejeff

      This storyline is “last Halloween”, which at this point is Halloween of 2021.

      It predates nothing.

    2. The Oracle

      CRT is when people acknowledge the past and/or the existence of non-white people, right?

      1. Alex

        CRT is when a white person in the past may have done something wrong.

        1. The Oracle

          CRT is when I don’t get to censor and whitewash historical events.

  61. AlexaSpuds

    every time I have to read Mary’s lines I read it in my mind in the most annoying voice I possibly can, like a more obnoxious and douchey version of LSP from adventure time

    1. Eldritchy

      Thousand Years Hell!

  62. Pat

    I love how you bookended this strip with two solid “wait what?” jokes. One strip, two punchlines.

  63. Marrow

    Let’s just start calling Mary he/him to piss him off!

    1. Fart Captor

      Let’s fucking not. Gendering people correctly is not a reward to be reserved for people you like.

      1. Eldritchy

        Honestly just point out that she and her boyfriend already use the dreaded pronouns XD

        1. Fart Captor

          Eldritchy, as I have pointed out several other places, SHE KNOWS

          “Pronouns” is a dog whistle. She’s just saying trans people are evil.

        2. Eldritchy

          While I’m sure you are right I’m not above questioning whether Mary even is that smart XD

        3. milu

          sure, let’s assume the bigots are just a bunch of dopey dum-dums who happen to fail at grown-up logic, what could go wrong

        4. Eldritchy

          Not understanding when someone is joking for example XD

        5. Fart Captor

          ???

        6. milu

          Eldritchy, I get the joke. I’m calling it a bad joke. If you are indeed sure Fart Captor is right (she is), then you don’t double down.

  64. Beau Kirin Maysey

    Mary, she’s… quite a character, huh?…

    Oh, no, Mary, WATCH OUT!!! The pronouns!! THEY’RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!! :0

  65. Freddie!

    Well, grammatically incorrect pronouns. But then again, who wants to be referred to by “it?”

  66. wakeangel2001

    I’d put this one on par with Something Positive’s take on the gag

    1. Wraithy2773

      Eh, disagree. Something Positive’s version was built on rage and disgust, you could tell that Randy was just PISSED that this sort of thing was going on. And it was grounded enough to get the point across that, as vile/confusing as the shit going on in the comic was, it wasn’t hyperbole.

      I’m kinda hoping that David’s luring us into a false sense of security, because while the mockery is on point and entirely valid… there’s just not really any bite to this. It feels like something that’s dumb and silly, but harmless and safe to ignore… which was *not* the impression that Something Positive gave.

      1. Stanistani

        At the end of Randy’s take on Hell House, the cops were called. I’m kinda hoping that happens on Willis’s version.

  67. FlyingFish

    I hate how my brain is constantly responding to everything Mary says with “Come on, Willis, you’re making her totally over the top with that… oh, right, there are actually public figures making the same complaints on Twitter RIGHT NOW. God I’m depressed.”

  68. Jennifer Bak

    I love the “god doesn’t cancel anyone!” then “God killed lots and lots of people – the FINAL cancel”

  69. nicoleandmaggie

    squee: https://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=55525&utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=55525

  70. Alex

    “They” used pronouns indeed.

    1. a/snow/mous/e

      Mary’s going to hell 😮

      1. The Oracle

        If one exists, I tend to think people like her are the ones headed that way.

      2. AeromechanicalAce

        For everyone else, Hell is wherever Mary happens to exist.

  71. the jighole man

    >God doesn’t cancel anyone
    * 5 seconds later *
    and here we see a depiction of the time god cancelled an entire effing planet worth of people and animals.

  72. Smooti

    there is something about this being in the flashback blue that is adding to the comedy of this. like it makes it more faux-serious or something.

  73. ValdVin

    Hey, is it a law that nobody is allowed to draw the Ark without two giraffes on it?

    1. The Oracle

      Great, now I’m trying to think of a single Ark picture I’ve seen that doesn’t contain giraffes. ???️

      1. ValdVin

        You’re welcome! I’m sure in my religious upbringing all my class’ arks had giraffes.

  74. Keulen

    Kinda hard to go through life without using pronouns. Mary even used some of them in the past couple minutes, unless she forgot that “he” and “they” are pronouns.

  75. milu

    Yo everyone lolling @ Mary being blatantly incoherent, did you miss yesterday’s strip when she very explicitly defined cancelling as a problem only when done to “people who matter”? And who are the people who matter? easy, those who were chosen by god. Yes it’s circular, yes it’s dumb, you’re beginning to get it.

    Fascists are counting on liberals attempting to engage them with logic and reason and utterly wasting their time. That’s the strategy. Don’t fall for it.

    (Instead go watch Innuendo Studios’ “The Alt-Right Playbook” series on YouTube)

    1. The Oracle

      Incoherence is all she’s got, ever since she replaced her brain with Skittles and old shag carpeting.

      1. milu

        Fascists aren’t silly, they’re evil. Is my entire point. They don’t play by the rules of logical discourse, in fact they’re one step ahead of liberals in knowing full well that public discourse is warfare by other means.

        You don’t fight fascism with logic, you fight them with organised class solidarity. Call a spade a spade, fascists are bad because their politics are bad, not because they don’t abide by the dictionary.

        1. The Oracle

          At this point I don’t know how to make people understand that I’m not stupid enough to think calling fascists names and belittling them is all it takes to make a difference, so I’m just gonna duck out of this fucking topic. Y’all made your minds up already.

        2. Taffy

          Goddamn, do you ever shut the fuck up and just drop a topic already? I look at the comments for once and half of it is just you being a fuckin’ idiot about something serious. Go the fuck away, asshole.

        3. The Wellerman

          Hey Taffy, great to see you here! How have things been?

        4. The Oracle

          Alright, damn. Consider it dropped.

        5. Yumi

          Maybe if you gave people the space to talk seriously about serious things, that would help.

        6. The Wellerman

          Hey Yumi, do they seem sus to you too?

          Like, the way they write, their energy, is really similar to someone who used to comment here?

        7. The Oracle

          Spare me the conspiracy theories, thanks. Whoever you’re thinking of, they’re not me and it’s kinda invasive to try analyzing a person like that. I might have spent all day with my foot in my mouth, but that doesn’t justify trying to decide whether I’m not just me.

      2. The Wellerman

        I’d pay to see her munch her own carpet. ? ha ha sorry felt the need for silly

        1. milu

          What is it with people consistently derailing the few threads that try to politicize this strip?

        2. milu

          *today, I meant (well yesterday).

          This comment section is not usually quite so averse to political discourse, thankfully

    2. Fart Captor

      Yup. Calling them out for hypocrisy or incoherence is missing the point.

      It’s not cancelling when it happens to the out group (queers, non-Christians, liberals, etc). It’s only “cancelling” (and therefor bad) when someone tries to do it to a member of the In group. They don’t SAY any of that part (usually), which is why things like this sound incoherent

      You factor in the way only certain select people actually count to them, it becomes perfectly consistent

  76. Bysmerian

    I know Mary has all the self-awareness of a fucking tunicate, and I know that at best she’s only a mild exaggeration of some real people, but damn if watching her make a fool of herself like this is just painful.

  77. ADLegend21

    can she go the way of Mike?

  78. Ray

    I dunno… the Great Flood sounds pretty darn CANCEL to me!!

  79. Harmony

    For those curious on why god “Canceled” the whole world with water (As an ex-Chrsitian and person who walked away on the day I was to be appointed a priest – the denomination was woman-accepting), what else am I going to do with all this useless Bible knowledge?

    AANNYYWAAYYYY… What was I saying? Oh yes.

    So why god genocided the pale blue dot.

    Angel sex babies.

    Literally, that’s the whole reason.

    Angels decided, “You know what? Humans are cute.” And humans were like, “You know what? You’re cute too!”

    And they boffed.

    The babies were known as Nephillim and they were great. (Like literally, that’s almost all we know about them, is “They were great”.)

    Then god got jealous people liked them more than him, and cried so hard it drowned the whole world. (Side note: The old Hebrew had lots of words for “love”, such as Agape for friendship love, Eros for romantic love, etc. The type used for God means “overly attached jealous ex-lover” love. Makes things a lot more clear. Yikes.)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

*

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.