160

Churchless
Posted on July 14, 2019 by David M Willis

160 thoughts on “Churchless”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “now, hear me out… THREE scoops”

    “YOU GO TO FAR”

    1. Doctor_Who

      Get thee behind me, Satan!…I was in this ice cream line first!

      1. He Who Abides

        Goddammit, that’s funnier than it has any right to be.

    2. JetstreamGW

      NOT IF IT’S A BANANA SPLIT!

    3. Suitora

      “You know not the immense power you speak of, Joyce! You could destroy the natural order of the universe!”

      “I must do it. For it is I whose drill shall pierce the heavens!”

      “I understand. I won’t stand in your way, Joyce.”

    4. jeffepp

      Ice cream Sundae

      1. Chris Phoenix

        Sundae actually gets its name from Sunday.

        Not long after soda was invented, the U.S. was/is so religiously weird that we actually, in several places, passed laws that made it illegal to serve sodas on Sunday. Sweetened carbonated drinks were too decadent, or something like that – anyway, not suitable for the Lord’s day.

        Soda fountains (businesses that sold soda over the counter) wanted to continue to sell their soda-flavorded-sugar-syrup on Sunday, but they weren’t allowed to mix it with water. So they poured it over ice cream. And thus, the “Sunday Soda” was created – later shortened to “Sundae.”

      2. Needfuldoer

        A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. He searches the entire island, and while he finds potable water, he doesn’t find a food source. The only thing he’s able to recover from his sunken ship is a calendar.

        A year later, he is rescued in perfect health. The rescue crew asks him how he survived for a year with no food.

        “Easy”, says the man. “I ate the dates from the calendar, and every week I got a Sunday”.

        1. Charlie

          That… doesn’t sound nutritionally complete.

    5. Walky_Talky

      You’re verging on the devil’s brain freeze territory if you go three scoops.

      1. raker

        She went full sundae. You never go full sundae.

    6. Deanatay

      It’s more serious than you think.

      Look at that cone. It’s got chocolate. AND vanilla.

      TWO flavors. TOUCHING. RUNNING TOGETHER.

      Who IS this, and what has she DONE with our Joyce?!?!

    7. S'toon

      You have meddled with the primal forces of NATURE, and YOU. SHALL. ATONE!

  2. ADLegend21

    Big mood Joyce. Churchless Heathen has perks!

  3. William Leonard Reese Jr.

    . . . .This is a cute page. I always like seeing these two get a long and they’ve been doing so well together lately as well.

    1. Abbefaria

      I think on some level Sarah is realizing more about Joyce as a person that she previously just wrote off as her being a religious nut. Example presently Joyce trying to change if only with baby steps. Also she’s realized by now that her usual cynical nature is either going over Joyce’s head or Joyce literally and genuinely cares about her as a friend enough to not care if she does understand.

      Oh and that Joyce is innocent…but not naive. (at least not overly so in my op)

      1. Schpoonman

        “Innocent but not naive” is the perfect way to describe Joyce. She’s so smart (like, everyone is, and I love it), she just hasn’t seen very much of the world.

  4. ValdVin

    Skipping church is one thing. Associating skipping church with two scoops of ice cream? That’s really piling on the competition.

    1. motorfirebox

      I mean, not going to church is a pretty big draw all by itself.

    2. Keulen

      Just sleeping in instead of getting up early to go to church seems pretty good already. Having ice cream as well is even better.

      1. ShinyNeen

        Next time, she could have ice cream… in bed!

        1. MatthewTheLucky

          TOO FAR TOO FAR

  5. Shiro

    Are chocolate and vanilla allowed to touch in Joyce rules, or is this another glimpse of New Joyce Who Questions Her Faith And Occasionally Has Meatballs On Her Noodles?

    1. JetstreamGW

      Chocolate and vanilla are the same food product, just different flavors. Putting fruit, candy, or cookies on the ice cream is almost certainly verboten.

      1. Doctor_Who

        What if it’s a flavor of ice cream that has those components already integrated?

        It Joyce gonna break out the tweezers and spend hours extracting the cookies from her cookies ‘n creme?

      2. TheOthin

        Especially since Joyce’s food sensitivities most likely relate a lot to texture.

        1. BBCC

          I’m like that too, although mine also apply to when the food touching makes it taste different. I can’t do mixed flavours. Neapolitan ice cream disgusts me viscerally on every level and all who enjoy it are heathens. 😛

      3. ValdVin

        Cookies? Okay, I wasn’t wondering about it but now I need to know: Are Oreos something Joyce needs to separate into component parts?

        1. BarerMender

          I thought that was the proper way to eat an Oreo.

        2. He Who Abides

          It’s the ONLY way to eat an Oreo. It’s in the Bible and everything.

        3. ValdVin

          My wife, who is a confirmed dunker, would like a word with you on that.

          (Of course I don’t see Joyce doing it.)

    2. Emeraldbeacon

      Vanilla and Chocolate… Are we talking about Ice Cream flavors, or Joyce’s repressed desires for Jacob…?

  6. DailyBrad

    Also be Church’s-less because their chicken is fucking gross.

  7. Dean

    What would it take to get sprinkles, though?

    1. Shiro

      Practicing witchcraft

    2. Reltzik

      RAINBOW SPRINKLES.

      1. Minim

        Except the blue ones, obviously, they have to go.

  8. Stephen Bierce

    *plays David Bowie’s “Loving The Alien” on the hacked Muzak*
    Wondering if the cream came from sacred cows.

  9. Kyrik Michalowski

    Huh, Joyce is handling/hiding this whole not going to church thing pretty well so far. She even went and got herself some ice cream. So for all the churchless heathens innthe comments, what is your favorite ice cream?

    Mine is chocolate chip cookie dough/fudge.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Mint Chocolate Chip.

    2. BBCC

      Vanilla. Occasionally I’ll eat chocolate chip.

    3. AutobotDen

      coffee flavor is my personal favorite, though I won’t say no to chocolate chip cookie dough.

    4. mrnoidea

      Chocolate Brownie Thunder.

    5. Reltzik

      Orange sherbet with brownie bits.

    6. MixMax

      Raspberry chocolate chip all the way.

    7. vlademir1

      Butter Pecan is my main, but Haagen Dazs lemon sorbet is a close second and vanilla is the only ice cream that I care for on other foods or as soft serve.

    8. BarerMender

      There used to be an ice cream store on Seventh Avenue in Greenwich Village that was only open in the summer. They had a Mexican vanilla that had tiny slivers of vanilla in it. Best I’ve ever tasted. Never seen it anywhere else.

    9. C.

      Cookies and cream.

    10. Illithid

      Tin Roof. Sometimes Butter Crunch.

      I survived the great Bluebell famine of 2015.

      1. Sparda

        Another Tin Roof fan! 😀

    11. King Daniel

      Strawberry here, or banana instead if it’s of good enough quality.

    12. He Who Abides

      Literally anything without fruit or marshmallows.

    13. dethtoll

      Orange (or lime, or lemon) sherbet. And if that doesn’t count, cookies and cream. Or anything with lots of peanut butter in it.

    14. Michelle J. Caboose

      Bluebell’s Groom’s Cake. The local Food King got me hooked on it, then has refused to stock it since. 🙁

    15. foamy

      Dark chocolate & cherry.

    16. Delicious Taffy

      Gimme some combination of chocolate, mint, coffee, and peanut butter. Or rainbow sherbet.

    17. Moon

      Blue Moon. IDK what the flavor actually is. It’s just like. Blue flavor ice cream.

    18. Elsendor

      i will say my early life was p much exactly joyce’s and this is p much how it went. skipping church was never something that was HUGE and MONUMENTAL it just sorta happened and it was like. huh. didnt get struck down. neat.

      now im just waiting on this girl to turn out to be trans bc thats what i did (tho tbf, that was after college and at the rate this comic goes….)

    19. Keulen

      I forget what the name of it was, but my favorite ice cream that I had most recently has bits of Reese’s peanut butter cups in it.

      Now I’m hungry for ice cream.

    20. Ed Rhodes

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=beTsDOBRs8I

      I think that says it all.

    21. Nenja

      Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie.

    22. Minim

      I like chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. But separately.

    23. Vampirechipmunk

      I love me some mint chocolate chip

    24. Agemegos

      Pistachio.

    25. AbelUndercity

      Butter pecan

    26. Ryek Hvek

      Strawberry Almond Chip – a creation of the old Howard Johnson’s corporation

    27. FacelessDeviant

      Rasberry sherbet.

    28. Deanatay

      Half-Baked. Mixing CCCD and Chocolate Fudge Brownie is the ultimate in sacriliciousness.

      1. Schpoonman

        Ooh, I had that one once. It was glorious.

    29. thejeff

      The University of Connecticut’s Dairy Bar makes a peach ice cream that’s ridiculously good. Outside of that vanilla or some other fruit flavors.

    30. Needfuldoer

      I like peanut butter, or the kind with chopped-up peanut butter cups in it.

      Been having more mint chocolate chip frozen yogurt lately, though.

    31. StClair

      That is a tough question. I have several – but probably cookies and cream for the top spot.

      Others: Heath Bar (chocolate-coated toffee chunks in vanilla), strawberry cheesecake, blackberry swirl in vanilla, and various sherbets/sorbets.

    32. Freemage

      Jeni’s Queen City Cayenne–chocolate ice cream with hot pepper mixed in.
      https://jenis.com/flavors/ice-creams/queen-city-cayenne/

  10. Gojira

    Wait a sec…is that two DIFFERENT flavors of ice cream (touching each other!) that she’s eating?!? Who is this and what did she do with Joyce?

    1. Reltzik

      More to the point, THAT’S NOT SOFT SERVE!

      1. jmsr7

        Hard ice cream for a hard new woman.

    2. AbelUndercity

      Ice cream can touch ice cream. It’s a loophole.

  11. BBCC

    I would never dream of judging Joyce for not going to church. I will judge the FUCK out of her for having two different flavours touching though. Gross.

  12. Marsh Maryrose

    I’m assuming we have seen the POOP sign somewhere before, presumably in the background of a strip. I am assuming this because Willis loves to put in little Easter eggs like this.

    Can anyone confirm?

    1. BBCC

      Yeah, it’s been around. It’s on their bathroom door.

    2. Keulen

      I’m assuming it’s been in previous strips, but I somehow never noticed it until today’s strip.

      1. Keulen

        I found one previous strip where the POOP sign was in the background:
        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/nemeses/

  13. MatthewTheLucky

    Is this the first time we’ve seen Sarah with her hair down?

    1. Bunny

      I think so? She might have done it differently bc i remember it being in a poof, here it looks like locs?

    2. Rotunda

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/01-to-those-whod-ground-me/goodmorning-2/

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        She still has an up-do in that strip, so no.

    3. showler

      Technically we saw it down in her earlier appearance on this same Sunday morning, but the back of her head was out of frame the whole time.

      I actually was trying to figure out what kind of hat she was wearing in place of her kerchief before I realized it was just her hair.

  14. mrnoidea

    Two scoops of ice cream? Fidel Castro must be laughing in his grave.

    1. Bagge

      Hey, baby steps

      https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-two-icecream-scoops-guests-get-one-time-magazine-diet-coke-thousand-island-dressing-a7732101.html

      1. Delicious Taffy

        That URL is gibberish.

  15. 1 2 2 50 in Roman numerals

    In case of emergency church can be replaced with icecream

    1. Agemegos

      Why wait for an emergency?

      1. Wizard

        Lack of ice cream constitutes a legitimate emergency.

  16. timemonkey

    The whole point of church is to keep people from realising how much more awesome not going to church is. God is everywhere nd all knowing, He hears you just as well at home as he does in church.

    1. Koms

      Wasn’t there a Simpsons episode where Homer doesn’t go to church?

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Yeah, and he has a fantastic day.

      2. timemonkey

        He also proved beyond a doubt that God isn’t real.

  17. Catman

    Hatless Sarah cute

  18. abysswatcher1993

    I became a churchless heathen in 2013 and I just use my time from Sunday to do homework, eat ramen at a maid cafe and watch cartoons.

    1. BarerMender

      I became a heathen in 1963, but I had to keep going to church until I left home. I didn’t even dare suggest otherwise.

  19. Newllend(henryvolt)

    Sarah’s hair…looks beutifal like this.

  20. FLUFFYWOLF

    Well, to quote Rory’s mother in Something Positive: Salvation will never feel as good as being able to sleep in.

    1. Dana

      Billie agrees.

  21. ian livs

    Careful, Joyce, you’re gonna end up conditioning yourself into associating skipping church with the sweet, sweet taste of ice cream. 🙂

    1. BarerMender

      Not to mention with sweet, sweet freedom.

  22. GoblinScribe

    Sarah looks a lot like Dora from QC right now. Is that just me?

    Anyways, I read Joyce’s “churchless heathen” as sort of self-aware joking, and not literally how she sees herself—or at least, she wants it to come across that way. She’s using humor to disguise that she’s actually feeling really guilty right now. “Back from being a churchless heathen, haha. Ice cream.”

    I say this ’cause I think we have an instinct to read Joyce’s “silly” stuff at face value, and I think she’s a bit more self-aware these days than people remember.

  23. Pocky

    Hold up; when was it that being a churchless heathen came with two scoops of ice cream?

    Either Joyce is special; or my local ice cream shop has been holding out on me for years.

  24. He Who Abides

    I feel like Sarah’s going to convince Joyce to somehow keep the faith. I mean, it’s clear (to me, anyway) that Joyce is hurting far more than she’s letting on, and she needs to talk about it. Maybe she doesn’t go to church every week. Maybe she starts letting off steam through video games (the Devil’s recruiters!) or other things her family wouldn’t allow because they saw them as sinful. I can’t say for certain. But Joyce’s faith has been a part of her life for so long, that I don’t think throwing it away will do anything other than hurt her even more. And I think Sarah knows that, and cares enough about Joyce to do whatever it takes to restore that faith; y’know, like a big sister does. Even if it means sitting through a few masses. It’s worth it to both of them, and I’m hoping that’s what happens.

    1. BarerMender

      Take it from someone who “threw away” (i.e., got rid of, evaded, escaped, shucked, shit-canned) his faith: You are wrong, wrong, wrong. I went from Catholic to agnostic to atheist in a week, and my life has been better every day since. Even on the terrible days. Even for every day of two and a half years of deep, black depression. Believing was the worst.

      1. He Who Abides

        Well, I can’t speak to your experience (and wouldn’t even if I knew it, it’s your story), but with Joyce it seems more like she’s questioning God because of all the other issues in her life currently as opposed to because she’s hit the breaking point between her and God. I could have the wrong read on it (and could have said it better in my first post), but that’s just how it looks to me.

    2. Shane Wegner

      “Do whatever it takes to restore Joyce’s faith”?? Nah, that’s not Sarah. She doesn’t do mushy reaching out like that, and it’s beyond her character to say “Oh you lost your faith, that means you’re broken but I will go to lots of boring masses to fix you.”

      If anything it feels more likely Sarah would say “Yeah that’ll happen, it’s probably better this way.”

      1. He Who Abides

        Okay, I probably said it wrong in my original post, but I feel like she’s at least going to try and get Joyce to talk to someone about everything she’s going through right now. It just feels like . . . I dunno, like Joyce’s current crisis is a lot deeper than she wants people to think it is, and I know from experience that you don’t want to bottle all that shit up. And frankly, it seemed out of character for her to become the surrogate big sister of a naive little fundie white girl. But here we are. And honestly, if Joyce asks her to come, just to make sure that she (Joyce) goes, I suspect she would. I mean, she’d put on a show so everyone else knows she’s been “forced” to go, but I doubt she’d leave her “little sister” hanging if asked.

    3. Agemegos

      Perhaps this is because I have never been a believer, was not raised as one… but the idea that “throwing away” a belief is a discretionary act, that it belief be restored by sitting through masses, seems like a strange one to me. It seems to me that I am persuaded to belief by evidence and argument, not that I choose what to believe and then believe it. No doubt I am subject to cognitive biases. Perhaps in a way they reflect a sub-conscious choice to believe this or that. But I never got the argument in Pascal’s Wager, that I should believe in my interlocutor’s god because it would be advantageous to me to believe. I can’t do that. I can’t believe what seems not to be true.

      1. He Who Abides

        I wasn’t raised as a believer either, but mass seemed like it was important to Joyce. And honestly, I think she could use something routine right now. After all the crap she’s been through so far (the roofie, Becky, her parents, Becky’s dad, et cetera) the girl could use something normal for her in her life to anchor herself right now. Something that let’s her keep her sanity. Because, while the Slipshine subscribers might enjoy Joyce engaged in some hard-core premarital hanky panky (or whatever she does when she absolutely loses her shit over everything), it probably wouldn’t be good for her in the long run.

    4. Nathalie L Achille

      I don’t know if Sarah can or would want to do anything about Joyce’s crisis in faith, except try to be supportive.

      I do hope that Joyce can find peace and that she can find her way back to her faith, in a way that is authentic to her as opposed to what was passed down from her upbringing.

    5. BBCC

      Is it called mass with nondenominational protestants? I thought that was a Catholic thing?

      1. David M Willis

        it is not called mass

        1. He Who Abides

          Sorry, then. Most religious people I knew growing up were Catholic, and the term stuck.

        2. BBCC

          I think it’s just called ‘the service’ or ‘church’ with Protestants. I dunno, I went to a Catholic school, so my guess is as good as yours.

  25. All-Purpose Guru

    I like the sign on the bathroom. Although why it’s a stop sign I’m not sure.

    1. BBCC

      Stop people from coming in I assume.

    2. BarerMender

      Short for Poop stop?”

    3. ktbear

      Trying to decide if thats a really badly placed POOP sign or a brillantly thought out placement of said POOP sign. I mean, Willis being a comic genious n all it has to be the latter because there are a hundred other angles this scene could have been shown from, right?

    4. CJ

      They share the loo with the people next door. You never know what has just happened behind that door.

      1. All-Purpose Guru

        Wait, they have common showers. They would also have common shitters. IIRC this is Read Hall at IU Bloomington, which has common bathrooms.

        Not everyone gets the 2 rooms plus a john setup, even now. Nobody had that at all when I was in University, and all the same buildings at my school are still there, just a bit more moldy and crumbly.

  26. Bagge

    Come to the dark side, we got ice cream

    1. Clif

      In how many flavors? Asking for a friend.

      1. BarerMender

        All the flavors. Flavors you never dreamed. Do yourself — I mean, your friend — a huge favor.

        1. ShinyNeen

          I love all the flavors here on the dark side. My favorite is Dark Strawberry, but Dark Vanilla is pretty awesome when it’s topped with Dark Sprinkles.

      2. Bagge

        Two, apparently

  27. Elsendor

    oh my flip i just realized i’m not joyce i’m joss, but trans in the other direction. dang.

  28. BenRG

    Joyce, I honestly think that those two things do not exist in a ‘because…’ or ‘either/or’ equation.

  29. NinjaNick

    Thank God for ice cream.

  30. Keulen

    DoA Book 9: Being A Churchless Heathen’s A Pretty Sweet Deal

  31. Eve

    huh, usually Sarah wears something on her head or has the hair pulled together somehow, I don’t remember just seeing it loose before.

    1. BenRG

      Everyone in the dorm seems to be going through a few transformational experiences right now. Sarah is marking this by stopping wearing her bandanna.

      1. Eve

        Even without the bandana she usually has it up in a ponytale or something http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/04-it-all-returns/awesome-2/

        I think the last time we saw it just down she was entering the shower. ..And now that I look at that page, her hair was way bigger like it normally is, this strip kinda like she’s trying dreads. Everyone really is getting changes.

      2. No Name

        Sal is going through a transformation of being uncool for once.

    2. Heatth

      I kinda assumed she have just taken a bath.

  32. Scubasteve0209

    Pretty sure that’s how you put on the “Freshman 15…. years in purgatory.”

    1. Agemegos

      I shed my freshman fifteen instead of putting them on. Started first year at 86 kg (190 lb), finished it at 79 kg (174 lb).

  33. KSClaw

    What if you get three scoops?

    1. StClair

      YOU AM PLAY GODS

  34. Rabisch

    Sarah looks impressed by Joyce new philosophy. Next time they have to go together. Ice cream is better if you eat it with friends.

  35. Lone Duck

    Now I myself am a churchless heathen… But… You can go to church AND get ice cream. Heck, if you find the right church, you could get ice cream at church!

  36. TheFlamingonator

    ok how long until she gets a Rainbow flavored scoop though

    1. Zaxares

      True story from when I was a kid. When I had my first rainbow ice cream, my Mom asked me what it tasted like. I apparently licked my lips a couple of times, then said “Sugar”. XD

  37. Fogel

    Yeah, yeah, churchlessheathenicecream, sure, BUT SARAH! She’s not wearing a babushka… We can see her hair!!! HER HAIR

  38. HMH

    Ohmygod this is too cute.

    1. ShinyNeen

      Twooo scoops

  39. SpaceshipPilot

    Mmmm, ice cream. Now I’m hungry.

  40. John

    …Wow, this just got real. This is literally what I do every week instead of go to church. I get ice cream and walk around.

  41. Mra

    Is this really the first time she hasn’t gone to church. She’s never been sick and had to stay home or something?

    1. He Who Abides

      That wouldn’t be a willful decision, so I doubt she’d count it.

  42. BBCC

    Okay, so this is really awkward, but this is a fundraiser for the royal school for the blind in Liverpool. It’s something fans do every year in honour of Brian Jacques’ birthday. You might know him from his books, but it’s a good cause regardless. If anybody wouldn’t mind spreading the link since it’s the last day, I’d be very grateful.

    https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/bjbd2019

  43. JA

    Sarah without a hat or bandana…good look for her.

    1. Nat

      Yeah she looks cute

  44. Meagan

    Joyce’s expression in panel three is like “baffled overlaying self-satisfied”

  45. No Name

    Sarah’s head is naaaked

  46. Kendra

    Is that why I’m fat? I didn’t leave enough room for Jesus?

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