349

Reward
Posted on August 5, 2018 by David M Willis

349 thoughts on “Reward”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Amber: *texts* ok NOW you’re fucking

    1. Crusading Barista

      Once more, I bring this gem:
      https://youtu.be/ulteZYyWAA8

      1. Davethedavedave

        Thank you for this gift. Thank you so… so much.

        1. Ragingagnostic

          What gift? Mike is just kissing and he’s about to get sex. That’s no different than what he eggs Ethan to give when he’s bored. Look at the previous two strips and you’ll see that once again Mike is talking about other people. He talks about Ethan and how hot he is and how he can get any other guy. He talks about Ethan’s insecurities. But once again, MIKE SAYS NOTHING ABOUT HIMSELF. He’s not giving and sharing. He’s taking advantage.

        2. Davethedavedave

          Sorry for the confusion I was thanking barista for that YouTube link.

      2. Joe Moose

        How come I didn’t know of this until now! He is an absolute gem.

      3. weirderthanweird

        ProZD is hilarious! I think I need to watch all of his Chairem anime series again, now

    2. Clif

      She’s too busy texting Walky.

    3. looneytune

      Amazigirl has SlipshineSense[tm]

      1. Yet_One_More_Idiot

        I tried to read this post out loud…my mouth couldn’t form the words. Damn that tongue twister!

        …was also what Ethan would be saying in an entirely different context about 3 comic-strips from now. ;P

  2. butts

    T A P T H A T

    1. Renshear Blade

      T A P
      H A R D
      A N D
      T R I U M P H

      1. Ren

        T A P T H A T
        A N D G E T
        S I X M A N A

        1. Minomelo

          Getting six mana for tapping something sounds broken as hell.

        2. Blal

          Everflowing Chalice kicked six times?

  3. Doctor_Who

    I foresee nothing but good results from this. Yup, Ethan is making an excellent decision. It’s nice to see him acting so sensibly.

    1. Screwball

      Oooo, oooo, I know this one. This is where we add the /Sarcasm to the end? I’m slowly learning this Human “sarcasm” thing…

    2. Stu

      Thing is… I’m genuinely not sure if Mike is being “real” here, or just furthering some scheme or other.

      1. Nomothehomo

        for once, i think he is

      2. carms

        DEFO SCHEME.
        I’m generally prettty well disposed to mike, but DEFO SCHEME

        1. Vanessa

          It’s a scheme, admitted here

        2. Smok3dToast

          What I find interesting though is as Mike points out here, Ethan’s mom turned him against Mike. We’ve actually seen this happen outside Mike saying it. I think the scheme is to get Ethan/revenge on danny for getting ethans attention. If he had made out with Danny, then ethan would be jealous. Ethan is not a cheater, if Danny does have a thing for him getting ethan would hurt him.

        3. David Doty

          I’m hoping Mike accidentally catches feels as a part of his scheme and it ends with his heart broken. God, I’m so much like Mike sometimes it scares me.

        4. Emily

          Wanting bad people to get hoisted by their own petard is not the same thing as going out of your way to do bad things to innocent people who did nothing to deserve it.

        5. SeanR

          I’m not convinced Mike is a “bad” person.
          We’ve seen his actions, and while they’re quite often mean in execution, they tend to be pretty spot on with regards to what the person he’s being mean to needs to hear, or get through their thick skull.
          Frankly, with these additional flashbacks, I think Mike put on the jerk facade because as long as everything he did backfired, he might as well put in some warning.

        6. adjudicus

          That only applies to a few select actions, and only if you squint and look at it sideways, and for every one of those, there’s a terrible action done for no good reason other than for its own sake.

          I think Mike’s actions have pretty much crossed the line along time ago between mean and downright harmful. Sure, it might mean the thing he wanted his victim to realize is gonna get embedded in their memory, but there’s a whole host of potential side- effects his methods could bring about. The ends do not justify the means.

        7. Emily

          If someone treated me half as poorly as Mike treats his closest friends I would never speak to them again.

        8. thejeff

          It’s no surprise that his two closest friends have serious self-esteem issues.
          That’s assuming that Amber even counts herself as his friend anymore, which I doubt.

        9. Emily

          Amber seems ways less permissive of his bullshit than Ethan for sure.

        10. Mel

          I feel like that tiny blush says he is.

        11. Dibullba

          Mike tends to scheme for good reasons though. Can usually define him as chaotic good. This is likely just one of those times where he does not need to hurt somebodies feelings for them to understand what is wrong.

        12. King Daniel

          Chaotic Good? There’s very little, if anything, “good” about current-day Mike. The darker side of Chaotic Neutral, at best.

        13. Jason

          Chaotic chaotic.

          True chaotic.

        14. Elisto

          I think Mike may think he’s somehow…not doing good, but…taking control and responding rationally/appropriately to bad situations and stupid people, but really is just lashing out in harmful ways at the things that hurt or upset him or are “wrong” in the world. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if Ethan comes out of this terrible decision better than Mike does because I don’t know that Mike understands himself and what he’s doing as well as he thinks he does. I’ve said it before, but I haven’t seen Mike express any enjoyment out of being a jerk or hurting people, yet he does it anyway.

        15. SolomonK

          The only way Mike would be doing something good is if he were telling Ethan about Mike’s own feelings rather than talking about everyone and everything else that Mike is overstepping boundaries to hurt Ethan by suggesting. To get across the idea that Ethan should be honest with himself (not something Ethan asked Mike to help him with, of course), Mike would best model that behavior himself by being honest about his feelings, with himself and with Ethan. And if Mike’s honest feeling is that he wants to seduce Ethan and hurt Danny, or hurt both Danny and Ethan, without inquiring of himself why he would want to do those sorts of things, then Ethan would help himself most by putting Mike and that toxicity out of his life entirely.

        16. Chris Phoenix

          The ends do not justify the meanness.

        17. TrueVCU

          1000% scheme even without the earlier strip as ironclad evidence

      3. Jay

        It’s so hard to tell with Mike.

      4. maxyai

        It’s a scheme all right
        A scheme for getting orgasms

      5. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

        I’d like to think it’s both. Is kind of into Ethan and doesn’t know how to deal with it except through asshole scheming.

      6. Daisy

        I suspect that Mike may have been projecting a teensy bit with his last line here. Then again, I was completely wrong yesterday. (Trust an asexual to completely underestimate the power of horniness.)

      7. Logan Hawkes

        Can’t it be both?

    3. Dean

      Sensible Decisioning of Age

      1. Nomothehomo

        nah but carla iron car

        1. Nomothehomo

          fuck wrong comment section

    4. Not Sal

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/04-it-all-returns/percent/

  4. King Daniel

    Say no to this!

    1. supinestargazing

      200 years too sooN

    2. Laladoria

      “I wish I could say that was the last time!”

    3. Rezby

      Why? I think mike genuinely has feelings for Ethan, and genuinely wanted this for himself.

      Bonus nod to shortpacked universe: this time amber doesn’t win.

      1. ReaderCathead

        I’m into this too. I think Mike genuinely has the hots for Ethan and spends a lot of time hanging around him… way more than necessary. I think one reason Mike is so bitter is that he didn’t get to fall in love with Ethan and have a relationship during high school, the way straight people would have been able to. Instead he had to watch Ethan and Amber be miserable together.

        1. rachel

          Oh wow, I genuinely hadn’t considered that Mike might have feelings for Ethan. I still am not sure but.. it’s extremely fun to consider 😀

        2. Jago

          I don’t really believe in that, since we know he has some weird plan going on involving Ethan and Danny.

        3. Needfuldoer

          Do we know his motivation for putting said plan into action?

        4. thejeff

          Yes.
          The plan is to seduce Ethan.
          The motivation is to turn Danny into a jealous whimpering mess.

          Seriously, that’s more of a motivation than we know for any of the rest of his Mike things.

        5. Shadlyn

          And if he has genuine feelings for Ethan, there’s no possible way that he would want to seduce him, and make any rivals for his affections jealous? Why is he targeting Danny? Oh, right, because Ethan.

          Personally? I think this is a Mike scheme AND real feelings.

        6. thejeff

          Because Ethan asked him not to do his Mike things to Danny. Before then, he’d been waffling on which to seduce.

      2. thejeff

        I really doubt it.
        Mike’s only going to fall for someone who can stand up to him, not someone like Ethan he can twist around his finger.

    4. ditrysia

      Nobody needs to know…

      1. Nomothehomo

        is that a god damn hamilton reference?

        1. King Daniel

          No

          one else was in the room where it happened…

        2. Sdrainbow

          Well the Hamilton line is itself a reference (both musical and lyrical) to The Last 5 Years, song of same name.

        3. ditrysia

          Yes it is! So happy someone commented this.

    5. Benjamin Geiger

      I’m not standing still, I am lying in wait!

  5. C.T Phipps

    *Mike then tosses Ethan out a window*

    *claims the Soul Stone*

    *Little Ethan stares at him*

    “What did it cost you, Mike?”

    “Everything.”

    1. DEAD MEME

      “Fun isn’t something one considers when seducing their best friend…but this does bring a smile to my face.”

      (I know this wasn’t in the movie, but it’s a fun quote)

      1. C.T Phipps

        He’d snap his fingers and troll everyone in the universe.

        1. Doctor_Who

          He’d bang half the moms in the universe.

          (He already got to the other half)

        2. C.T Phipps

          Dorothy and Amber can feud like Doctor Strange and Tony Stark.

        3. 3oranges

          Killing spiders, douchebag.

        4. adjudicus

          And walky can be spiderman.

          “I’m Walky, by the way.”

          “Amazi-girl.”

          “Oh! Are we using our made up names? Then I am Butt-taco man.”

        5. Lingo

          That’s the Honourable Duke of Thingley to you, sir!

        6. Delicious Taffy

          Spider-Man.

        7. Crusading Barista

          For a nickel, each.

        8. PB

          “Mr. Willis? I don’t feel so good…”

  6. ShinyNeen

    Is it ever just a little making out?

    I mean maybe for some people but not in DoA, I’m fairly sure of that.

    1. Schpoonman

      Ethan and Mike have just been making out for a few days or so already.

      1. ShinyNeen

        And now we’re here? This looks like it’s turned into considerably more to me.

        … I dunno, maybe I’m just showing my lack of experience.

        1. Mr Ak

          Shit yeah it is :D. Sometimes making out with someone’s just about a real fun time.

    2. Ivy

      Dunno about everyone else, but I’ve never kissed someone for the first time without fuckin

      1. Queen Anthai

        A friend of mine actually had to quit cyber-bangin’ me after two years of it because he was afraid he was gonna fall in love with me.

        As far as rejections go, I suppose it’s the most flattering one I’ve ever gotten. As it relates to this storyline? Oh yeah, Mike’s going to accidentally catch feels for sure, if he hasn’t already.

      2. Torn

        Let me assure you, it is perfectly possible 😉

    3. Ren

      I think in this instance it’s not just a scheme. Mike is BLUSHING. You can’t fake that sort of reaction surely.

      1. Ensiform

        So naive.

        That redness in the cheeks is Willis’ comic shorthand for all sexual arousal, not blushing. This is a plan. Mike is in control.

  7. meep

    Mike sounds almost kind and it is setting off alarm bells in my head.

    1. JetstreamGW

      Of course it is. Because this is a long con. He’s going to crush him. We all know it.

      1. thejeff

        Apparently we all don’t.
        Kind of impressive how well the con works on the audience, despite having been told it’s a con up front.

        1. Wraithy2773

          I’m well aware that it’s possible, maybe even likely, that Mike’s just doing this as part of an assholish scheme…

          …but I’m rooting for it not to be because i think that story would be more interesting to see play out. Another round of “oh hey right mike’s a manipulative asshole” compared to “Mike’s a manipulative asshole, but that’s not all he is”? Yeah, the latter is just a more compelling story to me.

        2. BBCC

          We’ve already seen Mike say (alone, so not fronting for someone else) that this is a scheme. That doesn’t mean he won’t DEVELOP feelings but I think that even if he does, that scheme’s going to blow up in his face.

        3. JetstreamGW

          He literally said it was part of an asshole scheme.

  8. Yumi

    You know what, Ethan, if you wanna fuck Mike, fuck Mike. Just feel free to go ahead and do better than Mike in the future.

    1. LeslieBean4Shizzle

      Seconded.
      … I meant that to sound more approving and less like debate club.

      1. Michael Steamweed

        The first rule of ‘Ship Club is…

        1. MatthewTheLucky

          Always talk about Ship Club.

    2. ShinyNeen

      I would find it hilarious if Ethan subverts expectations by, like, breaking things off casual-like after a little while or something like that. If he displays a perfectly healthy control of the situation, basically.

      1. Regalli

        I mean, we can hope, but it’s Dumbing of Age, and it’s Ethan.

      2. thejeff

        He’s displayed no control at all so far, falling for every bit of Mike’s manipulation, so I’d say that would go a bit beyond subverting expectations.

    3. JessWitt

      True that. Upgrade from Mike to Evan next.

    4. Jago

      Yeah I agree.

    5. thejeff

      Like Amber said to him – he could survive this, so why not.

  9. Blazing Ace

    Honestly, I think this will turn out to be just fine. We just spent a whole arc humanizing Mike, and it’s clear that he has a good heart, under the cynicism.

    I feel like his asshole attitude is just a shield for him, at least in this universe.

  10. Stephen Bierce

    *looks in vain for some T.Rex in the record collection*

    1. Ntrovert

      All the T.Rex in the jukebox mysteriously disappeared when Mike and Ethan started getting frisky…

  11. Rabid Rabbit

    Mike is actually blushing. He might actually be getting something out of this other than his usual needs.

    Then again, he’s keeping his eyes open. At first I thought it might even be a tear, but that’s pushing it a bit.

    Still, are we sure he’s not drunk right now?

    1. Deanatay

      It’s possible Mike is turned on by vulnerable prey. Kinda like a dog watching a limping deer.

    2. tiny__rainbows

      I have to admit, I read Mike’s eyes being slightly open as a sign of him having feelings. Not sure why I associate partly-lidded eyes with attraction buuut it kinda seems like a sort of “I need to see you to be sure this is real” kind of deal. Fingers crossed at least – I would love if we got to see some Mike feelings.

  12. Kris

    Ehhhhh……I was on team Ethan/Danny.

    1. DailyBrad

      I kinda like Danny/Sal more, myself.

      1. Kris

        I mean the seeds are there but I’m skeptical it can actually happen. That would be like buying a lottery ticket.

        1. Tacos

          I mean, buying a lottery ticket isn’t hard. Winning on the other hand…

        2. C.T Phipps

          Sal is hot but not exactly what one would call easy relationship material, especially given she’s incredibly clingy of her one non-sexual friend. I can’t imagine dating her seriously would be easy.

        3. C.T Phipps

          To clarify what I mean, is she is going to have difficulty with Danny’s open and deeply devoted style of dating the way his other relationships are. It’s a nicely genderflipped version of the usual “The Heart” with the broody badass.

        4. DailyBrad

          Could she really be much more difficult to date than Amber?

    2. Jago

      I’m on team Danny, who don’t need no partner, he just needs to figure some stuff out and to be happy, even when he’s not in a relationship.

    3. JessWitt

      Fingers crossed for Ethvan.

    4. Michelle J. Caboose

      Same here. I was shipping Danny and Ethan even before they started showing an interest in each other. I don’t know why. Maybe because they are both sensitive types, and they’d look really cute together.

  13. Kyrik Michalowski

    I really want to believe this can go well, but there is no way this will end with Ethan happy, will it? I still don’t know what Mike’s full plan is here or what he’s getting out of this, other than laid, but he’s going to look like a right bastard if he tears one of his best friends hearts up for fun.

    1. Sambo

      Well, we know from that he plans on seducing Ethan to “turn [Danny] into a jealous, wimpering mess”. We don’t know why he wants to do this specifically, but personally I view Mike’s actions as “dickish-but-pushing-people-to-tear-off-their-social-bandaids-so-kinda-good”, so I bed he’s trying to get Ethan and Danny together, or at least sort themselves out.

      1. Sambo

        Well I messed up that link. Let me try again:
        We know from that he plans on…

        1. Sambo

          We know from this page that he plans on…

    2. Catullus

      IIRC, Mike’s plan is to seduce Ethan in order to make Danny jealous, in order to force Ethan/Danny to acknowledge their feelings for one another.

      1. Catullus

        oh whoops Sambo said it first and in a lot more detail

        1. Sambo

          And totally botching my html! yay!

        2. Needfuldoer

          Here’s a nice practice sandbox! HTML markup doesn’t take long to get the hang of, especially when you can play with it and see your changes almost in real time.

      2. Emily

        We don’t know that third part at all. All Mike has stated is he wants to make Danny jealous, assuming that in and of itself isn’t his end goal is just being hopeful that this whole thing isn’t just for the sake of making people miserable.

    3. Sambo

      Reiterating: we know from this page that he plans on seducing Ethan to “turn [Danny] into a jealous, wimpering mess”. We don’t know why he wants to do this specifically, but personally I view Mike’s actions as “dickish-but-pushing-people-to-tear-off-their-social-bandaids-so-kinda-good”, so I bed he’s trying to get Ethan and Danny together, or at least sort themselves out.

      1. Emily

        Even if this is his motive Ethan and Danny have a perfectly reasonable reason for not getting involved: they don’t want to hurt Amber. He wouldn’t be acting as a force for good anymore than Joyce is when she ignores peoples boundaries with her own matchmaking bullshit.

      2. SolomonK

        I think Mike ought to tear off his own social band-aids and refrain from “helping” others until he does.

  14. Mollyscribbles

    Well, it’s not like the worst decision anyone’s made in the strip.

    1. King Daniel

      What would people rank as the worst, I wonder?

      1. TrueVCU

        Being born in this timeline

      2. Jason

        Uhh… turning up at a school with a loaded shotgun, probably?

        1. TrueVCU

          It’s Indiana, dude was white, he didn’t kill anyone, and he was trying to save his daughter from THE GAY. Year max.

        2. Mollyscribbles

          Regardless of sentence that one was still a really bad idea.

        3. Agemegos

          It was a varmint rifle, not a shotgun.

        4. Jhon

          THANK YOU

      3. FacelessDeviant

        I’d have to go with “alcoholic sucicide pact” on that one.

        1. FacelessDeviant

          Suicide. Not sucicide. Thats something different.

      4. thejeff

        Not locking the door.

      5. kgy121

        Banging a student, then admitting it and not challenging the decision to fire him on the word of a person getting fired for that offense with no actual evide

    2. Emily

      It’s pretty up there.

  15. BBCC

    Oh, Ethan, sweetie.

    1. Regalli

      Why couldn’t his first crush have been on someone who doesn’t emotionally destroy people?

  16. Yumi

    Also, I find kissing more intimate than sex, but that’s just me. (‘Cause I’m weird, I guess.)

  17. jeffepp

    Ethan has been reading too much of the wrong bad translations of bad romance manga.

  18. Laladoria

    Excuse me please put that angry eyebrow back on, this is weird and idk how I feel about that expression in panel 5

    1. Emperor Norton II

      You’re saying you can’t imagine Mike not making out angrily?

      That’s OK, neither can I.

      1. PB

        THANK GOD it wasn’t just me who noticed!

  19. DinaWho

    Given what we know about Mike’s observational skills, his panel 2 comment is probably based off of that flashback with Naomi at the party (and probably similar incidents).

    1. Fart Captor

      Yes, but the reason they aren’t roommates is 100% because Mike’s an asshole, not because Ethan’s afraid of being gay with him. This is some nasty shit he’s pulling here

      1. Jago

        Yeah, Ethan would have gotten a male roommate either way, so…
        But interesting to know this was probably not an isolated incident with the birthday party.

      2. Emily

        It’s classic abuser manipulation to frame any attempt to put distance between them as the result of their victim being poisoned against them by an observer rather than the result of them treating their victim like shit.

        1. thejeff

          Yup. Note that he frames as being all about Naomi. No mention of Amber, who’s at least as sure Mike’s bad for him.

        2. Garbud

          Except we have already seen that the moment Ethan showed any interest in Mike Naomi had him leave right away so we know Naomi isn’t ok with Ethan being who he is.

        3. thejeff

          Yeah, we know that. Ethan knows it too. That’s why it’s plausible. “I can’t hurt you with something you know isn’t true.”

          But it’s still manipulation. Because he’s taking casting it all on Naomi’s homophobia and not the perfectly good reasons for distancing yourself from Mike.
          To quote Amber on the topic of rooming with Mike: “Are you fucking joking with me? You know why you didn’t. He’s … Mike.”
          Or was Amber poisoned by Naomi’s homophobia too?

        4. Michelle J. Caboose

          That would be kind of weird, considering the fanfics she likes to read (and write). And I don’t think Amber’s comment was saying that Mike is a bad romantic prospect for Ethan — more that Ethan is too sensitive a soul to be able to deal with Mike’s BS 24/7.

          I was going to add that Amber probably didn’t even think of the possibility of Ethan x Mike, but then I remembered that she basically yaoi-ships EVERYBODY.

        5. Fart Captor

          No, Amber definitely meant that Mike would be bad for Ethan as a romantic partner. She says it again explicitly in a later strip:

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-8/04-of-mike-and-men/jealous-2/

        6. thejeff

          Late, but I damn well do think Amber thinks Mike would be a bad romantic partner – not because of Ethan’s “sensitive soul”, but because she knows Mike is an asshole and wouldn’t wish him on anyone.
          The only reason I mentioned that was because for Mike’s line here to be true, she would have had to be poisoned by Naomi’s homophobia instead of having her own valid reasons, which are much like the one Ethan has, that Mike is sweeping away as “Naomi talking”.
          Which is nonsense. Amber has her own reasons and Mike’s argument is a nasty piece of abuser-style manipulation.

  20. mister gray

    *looks to shorpacked where mike slept with amber and ethan, then married amber. Looks to dumbing of age with mike and ethan together, then looks to the people reading this comment with a smile* I see wedding bells in ethan’s future.

    1. Laladoria

      Yep, it’s Ethan’s turn now

    2. saltchocolate

      This. And I agree with whoever it was who said it yesterday (too lazy to go back and look!) that we know from Shortpacked! that Mike can be a sincere lover and a good partner . . . if he’s intoxicated. It’s interesting to think about how that “superpower” translates into the Dumbiverse. Intoxicated with desire??

      Idk how to factor Danny into this. Was the earlier strip about his dastardly plan to get him and Ethan to confront their feelings for each other, as Cattulus and Sambo say a upstream? Or was it about his “dastardly plan” to get Ethan to love him back, one way or another? What if in the plan to turn Ethan into a quivering mess of jealousy, the idea was that Ethan would be jealous of Danny (who gets to be with Mike), rather than jealous of Mike (who gets to be with Danny)? That flashback to Ethan’s childhood crush on Mike (and Naomi’s recognition and disapproval of it) was clarifying!

    3. thejeff

      It’s possible, but not like this.
      Remember that SP! incident didn’t lead directly to them getting together. That was later, after Amber found him drunk and blackmailed him into a relationship. Mike wants someone who can stand up to him, not someone he can play as easily as he’s playing Ethan here.

  21. Passchendaele

    check and mate

    (I’ve been playing a lot of chess lately and I will never apologize for this pun)

    1. 3oranges

      Said the actress to one of the two bishops

  22. Kit M. Harding

    …um. Well. There is absolutely no way this ends well. Though that does seem to be kind of a refrain for this comic, and I’m significantly more interested in *how* this is going to not end well than I am in Joyce and Jacob.

    1. Jago

      Pick your desaster pair! Joyce and Jacob or Mike and Ethan?

      1. Jason

        We’ve also had Joyce and Ethan, so next is Mike and Joyce, and Jacob and Ethan?

      2. Michelle J. Caboose

        Mike and Jacob!

  23. DailyBrad

    You know what? Mike may actually being sincere, to an extent. But I wonder.

    Do you suppose Mike’s got it into his head as much as Ethan has that they can’t have something beyond physical?

    1. rachel

      yo I really don’t know. I am feeling some sincerity, with the meanest-case-scenario being getting ethan & danny to admit feelings for each other, and, like… everybody wins in literally every case?? surely the willis taketh away

      1. saltchocolate

        There is that. (Best bible paraphrase ever, btw!!! Kudos, Rachel!)

      2. adjudicus

        But ethan and danny kinda sorta admitted their feelings for one another before, so its pretty redundant of Mike trying to get them to.

  24. Purblebirb

    Mike talking about someone’s mom in a serious tone? Damn dude he means business

  25. supinestargazing

    EEF HONEY NO STOP

    1. supinestargazing

      (i’m totally not starting to ship this hahahahaH *nervous sweating*)

  26. Jabberwocky

    oh man this is not gonna end well

  27. anon

    I think Mike genuinely loves Ethan based on those flashbacks mike cares about his friends and something happened and it changed him and im very curious as to what. I like Mike a lot now actually because he has more character than snarky asshole, who are in my opinion the most annoying to be around and I am hoping to G-d that Mike and Ethan grow and heal togeyher. I also would like to point out that Mike can be gay or bi and that could also have something to do with whatever event in his life that changed him.

    1. Jago

      Yeah, but what about the flashback where he said something about a weird plan involving seducing Ethan to make Danny jealous?

      1. Jago

        (That wasn’t actually a flashback it was just a while ago.)

    2. JessWitt

      I think Mike is considered pansexual.

    3. Emily

      There is literally no possible Tragic Backstory™ that could make any of Mike’s behaviour even understandable. This is beyond lashing out out of hurt and fully into the realm of just straight up sadism for its own sake.

    4. SolomonK

      When we show someone “love” by trying to hurt them, it is not love, it is abuse. Some of the abusive parents in DoA are guilty of exactly this.

  28. Regalli

    *Borrows a ‘Team Don’t Fuck That Guy’ shirt from romance novel review site Smart -Word Filter-es Trashy Books*

    I know he’ll never listen. But here we are. (Also, great insidiousness, MIKE, implying the only reason getting involved with you is a bad idea is internalizing his mom’s homophobia when we ACTIVELY, FLAT-OUT KNOW you have a scheme! Aren’t you just a wonderful human being? I see no way for this to end badly, with Ethan’s already terrible self-esteem and doubt! Fuck a cactus, Mike.)

    1. ValdVin

      The Smart Boingos have a DFTG shirt?

      I have to renew my reading them. We’ve got catching up to do.

      1. Regalli

        Sadly they don’t appear to actually sell one in their store, but it’s such a regular occurrence bringing it up they really should.

  29. C.T Phipps

    I foresee this plan derailing horribly with Danny admitting he’s moved on and starting to date Sal but happy for Ethan as well as Ethan happy for Danny.

    1. Jason

      99% sure Danny and Sal are never going to be romantically involved. I love their relationship though. I… friend-ship them?
      I want Danny to find a nice boyfriend he can explore his sexuality with, but who won’t let him just sit back and drift like he does.

    2. Zee

      I doubt theyre ever going to date, but i do think danny is going to move on and be happy for ethan, if not concerned

  30. Tacos

    I can’t help but picture Amber on her phone suddenly bolting upright and saying, “I feel a disturbance in the Yaoi Force.”

  31. Goki

    Where is Admiral Ackbar when you need him?

    1. King Daniel

      Sucked into space?

      1. DonDueed

        Blown into space.

        By Mike. For a nickel.

    2. Goki

      If only sound existed in space, because he would be screaming “It’s a Trap!!!” in space.

      (pouring out one for my hommies….)

  32. asingleplum

    It’s a bad sign Mike’s eyes are open.

    1. Laladoria

      Not necessarily. Probably, since this is DoA, but there’s like a .1% chance that it’s fine. The eyes I mean. Not the idea.

    2. Deanatay

      Plus, he’s breathing, so there’s a good chance he’s up to no good.

      Also, his lips are moving, so good chance he’s lying.

    3. Zee

      It looks like he was just closing them

  33. Tisroero

    I was about to start speculating, but we already know Mike’s a bottom.

  34. newllend(henryvolt)

    Yeah he’s going for it and now we’ll see what comes with it.

    1. Ainara

      Nickels?

  35. Tan

    NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

    (this does not represent the full extent of my NOPEs, but I wish to be considerate of the comment section)

    1. Regalli

      And it is deeply appreciated. And mostly my thought process too. Auuugh.

    2. StClair

      It’s cool, I’ve got more.

    3. Deanatay

      OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN

  36. Keulen

    Mike is smiling again. Damn it Mike stop smiling, you’re creeping me out.

  37. Regalli

    Okay, also. Genuine question to the people who think Mike means well with his asshattery or the like.

    What the ever loving FUCK was lying to Walky about Dexter and Monkey Master’s cancellation, recording him crying, keeping that on his phone for an unknown period and showing it to Sarah helping? While we’re at it, what about recording him crying over the breakup? In what universe does that help anyone? In what universe is being sad about your first major breakup an inappropriate reaction and your roommate taking video of you crying to show your friends an appropriate one?

    (Side note: I know Indiana’s a one-party consent recording state, but does that still apply when it’s not a conversation, just some person taking video of another person? Because seriously I’m not even sure what Mike’s doing is legal, certainly not unethical. Also if we don’t have that case law really thoroughly explored yet we’re gonna need it soon.)

    1. Regalli

      * Certainly not ethical. Mike is pretty constantly unethical.

    2. C.T Phipps

      Mike is an asshole but he’s a protagonist so people want him to have layers.

      He does…and each is worse than the last.

      1. Tan

        And sometimes there’s a third, even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one. Like with pie.

        1. Laladoria

          I understood that reference!

    3. miis

      I don’t think he always means well – I think he’s essentially just a jackass – but I don’t think he really does things that ruin people’s lives, either. He seems to be observant, have pretty decent insight into behavioral motives, and be grouchily interested in people’s personal growth. And then sometimes he’s just shitty, because the lolz. He’s no saint but he’s pretty up front about that. Contrast with Mary, Billie, Ruth, Amber’s dad – as concerning as it is, Mike is arguably the most ethically benevolent of that bunch.

    4. Jago

      Optimism?
      Maybe people like to theorize.

    5. Zee

      I don’t think hes a roundabout force of good- i just love him.

      1. BBCC

        This I can understand.

    6. Red Comet

      Ok, I’m not saying it was a cool thing to do.

      But it’s probably the most realistic college age dumb thing I’ve seen so far here. Most of the characters are waaaaay more self aware and ethically minded than most of what I personally saw in undergrad, even if that was 10 years ago now.

      I could totally see a college guy tape his roommate CRYING OVER A FREAKING CARTOON and thinking it’s hilarious. There’s not a small chance that they’d still be friends afterward.

      To me it is one of the least of the nasty things he’s said or done so far even if it is a dick move.

      1. Red Comet

        Edit for clarity: *There’s a not small chance they’d be friends after. I’ve seen stuff like this in outer regions of my own friend group and they are all still close. Usually it’s someone being dumb while drunk, or crying over Sailor Moon or something. They’re still friends.

        I think Mike is less likely to “remain” friends since he and Walky were never friends to begin with and he is generally unpleasant in general.

        My point is just that this is… not completely uncommon college behavior.

      2. thejeff

        It is however one that’s hard to spin as “for his own good”, so it’s a useful counter there.
        And it wasn’t just a happenstance “my roommate was crying over a cartoon”, it was “fabricated an elaborate series of fake internet pages” to set it up. And he’s got about seven recordings of Walky crying that he’s saving for later use.

        This ain’t normal. Even if something kind of vaguely sort of like it is.

        1. SolomonK

          We in the comments section rightfully said so many times, “Don’t rate women, Joe.” Have any of us said “Don’t catalogue people’s weaknesses, Mike”?

        2. Regalli

          The fabricating takes EFFORT, too. Like, who dedicates that much time to fuck with one person who’s not even their Declared Nemesis? And even if the cartoon thing were in the realms of appropriateness, it’s a total dick move when they’re crying immediately after their first serious relationship ended.

          Seriously Mike get a fucking simulator game. You have options. Even on just a smartphone, you have options.

  38. Roger Sterling

    Mike was a tsundere this whole goddamn time.

    Kudos Willis; I didn’t even recognize the signs when they were screaming at me till they were hyperlinks.

    1. Emily

      Tsundere is such a weird romance trope. Like when did an emotionally withholding and often physically abusive person become funny and/or cute.

      1. Zee

        Tsundere can be done well as long as its subdued. Like Winry from fma, id definitely consider her a tsundere done well

        1. Fart Captor

          Winry and Sheska end up being a couple and nobody can convince me otherwise. She just gets upset with Ed and Al because they’re like family to her and they treat her like a child and never tell her anything

        2. Regalli

          Especially because her anger is usually based in ‘Ed doing something stupid and nearly getting killed/breaking his automail’ rather than just randomly being angry. She fully admits she cares deeply about them. She’s angry because Ed doesn’t take care of himself and his very high-maintenance limbs. There’s still the slapstick, but with that ‘Al stuffing his brother’s soul back in’ gag I don’t think it’s meant to be taken entirely literally. (And slapstick between romantically-connected characters is certainly A Conversation that needs to be had, but still.)

      2. Jago

        I never liked that trope.

  39. miis

    It’s like eating creamy, decadent cheese when you’re lactose intolerant. Yeah, it’s going to mess you up later, but for right now…

    1. JessWitt

      Goodness, that simile.

  40. C.T Phipps

    I bet Mike intends to seduce Sal and convince her to finish the job she failed in killing Ethan. Because as a child she was secretly taught how to be an assassin by Ra’s Al Ghul while her parents ignored her.

    Galasso: You will eliminate the Second Eaton chosen by destiny to defeat me.

    Oh wait, no, that was a dream I had.

  41. JessWitt

    I didn’t get to mention this earlier with Naomi in the flashbacks but damn her for putting blame on Amber for making Ethan gay since she had her suspicions even earlier than prom night.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Preach.

  42. Vee

    oh jeez. I like how this can’t end well in like every conceivable direction!! like, either mike has actual feelings for ethan that he’s just justifying to himself with an Extremely Mike scheme, or he’s completely using ethan’s longtime crush against him for a pointless mindgame. or maybe both! thanks I hate it! (jk I’m so glad mike is getting screentime. or uhhhh panel time? whichever)

    1. Emily

      I dunno, Mike getting his heart broken seems like a good end in my book. At least it’s a meaningful negative consequence of how he treats people which is something he’s pretty much never experienced.

      1. Jago

        Ignoring the flashback comics again? ^^

        1. BBCC

          Flashback Mike and Regular Mike are very different people. Even if they weren’t, Mike’s never experienced consequences for treating people like shit, only (in flashbacks) trying to help.

        2. Jago

          …still the same person though.
          (I mean, maybe the flashbacks are another timeline, but I don’t really think so?)

        3. Fart Captor

          Yes, technically they’re the same person, just at different points in time, but Past Mike actually having the good intentions that people ascribe to Present Mike’s actions doesn’t actually mean that Present Mike has good intentions.

          It especially doesn’t change the fact that Present Mike has never faced any consequences for his treatment of other people.

  43. Mr. Random

    …So that little eye twitch in panel 5 makes me think that this is part of Mike’s plan to turn Danny into a ‘jealous whimpering mess’ and even MIKE’S a little concerned at how monstrous this is getting.

    1. Tisroero

      I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Mike has drawn Ethan closer to the window. We’ll see if Danny is paying attention or not.

      1. Emily

        Seriously, his eyes are probably open because he’s looking out the window to see if Danny notices. I will 100% prescribe malice to any of Mike’s actions before any other motivation.

    2. Jago

      Pretty sure he lost whatever conscience he had a few years ago.

  44. Nym

    Surely this will end well!

  45. Solenoid

    this dance has been rising action for so long now, but after the climax comes the denouement: the fall. how does this go wrong, and how painful does it get?

    how many of the people reading this comment giggled at “climax”?

    1. Clif

      17

  46. David Doty

    Hopefully with no help from Faz this time.

  47. Jago

    Mike’s so full of it, and it’s so obvious, it’s actually pretty funny.

    1. thejeff

      Less funny since half the readers are falling for it too.

      1. miis

        I don’t know if that many people are falling for it or if Mike is really just the bottom rung of our acceptability ladder. To be honest, as long as it doesn’t involve STDs, prostitution, or other seriously questionable perversity, I’m just glad for Ethan finally getting some guy-on-guy action. Whether it’s part of some stupid long-term Mike manipulation plan is sort of a low-level concern at this point. Ethan finally getting in physical touch with his sexuality, quite literally, seems much more pressing and important.

      2. Jago

        I strongly doubt people are actually *falling for it*.
        I do think however that people try to find out some reason behind the given reason, and like to theorize.^^

        1. thejeff

          I dunno. There’s plenty of people talking about Mike getting the FEELS or how he’s obviously wanted Ethan all along, in addition to the usual asshole sage theories.

        2. Holly

          Mike’s not immune to genuine feelings, but he doesn’t stop his dirckery because of them. If anything it intensifies.

  48. JessWitt

    Well we got our full M-M Slipshine.

    Be careful what we wish for, folks.

    1. Homer Sexual

      As much as I’d like to see a male-on-male DoA on Slipshine, I don’t want to watch Ethan suffer mentally :/

      1. thejeff

        Yeah, this slipshine is likely to be more painful than the Malaya one.

      2. JessWitt

        Indeed Homey. This is gonna be difficult.

      3. Agemegos

        You may be reading the wrong webcomic.

        Credo in un Willis crudel.

  49. Owlmirror

    . . . and as they kiss in front of the window, Mike pushes a button. A banner underneath the window unfurls, revealing the word BEHOLD, and an arrow pointing up towards the window. And at the end of the banner is one of those cheesy loud musical cards, playing It’s Raining Men, or something similar.

    Danny hears this, and looks behind at the banner, and then up at the window.

    1. Davethedavedave

      We can only hope.

    2. Holly

      Yes, seducing him in the window in full view of Danny was no accident.

  50. Space Penis

    DOOOOOOOOOINK

  51. Felgraf

    I’m actually starting to wonder if we’ve got a Moist von Lipwig situation here, in that Mike is TELLING himself this is a scheme to do *something* when these are, in fact, Genuine Feels.
    (Note: Mike is still an asshole. I just think that *he* may also be lying to himself here)

    1. Jago

      I honestly do not know how he thinks his plan will work out. Maybe there’s more to it than I think, but Danny is pretty solid right now, or am I wrong? He’s got his hat and his ukulele, befriended Sal, he and Joe get along better again… and he already talked to Ethan about if dating is ok or not, and Danny is a principled person, right? I dunno, maybe I’m misreading him.

      1. adjudicus

        He’d probably be more happy for Ethan than jealous and whimpering. I’m pretty sure none of Mike’s normal tricks will effectively work on him.

      2. Emily

        I will be really unimpressed if this actually works.

  52. Judas Peckerwood

    I know I don’t get a vote, but I still vote “no”.

  53. stoodmuffin

    I. WANT this to be good. And he has a point? About his mom?

    But I have a sneaking suspicion this will be the farthest thing from Good.

    1. stoodmuffin

      Last panel is cute though?

  54. abysswatcher1993

    If Mike is the reward then I am not interesting in winning any competition.

    1. Jason

      The reward is coming in second place in the DOA shitty mother competition.

      1. Jason

        *is for

      2. Regalli

        I think while Naomi’s DEFINITELY on the podium, it’s such a tight race between her, Carol Brown, and Linda Walkerton I genuinely don’t know who takes which place. Which is extremely sad. (I also don’t think well of Mrs Wilcox and have a very dim view of the Billingsworth family in general, but the Wilcoxen are a clear fourth in any Bad Parent Rankings and the only one of Billie’s parents I feel confident judging on that front is her father – it’s possible her mother’s absence was because of a custody thing, say, and we have so little to go off of there.)

        Couldn’t the prize just be a new supportive family? Seriously Carla can just adopt everyone and I’d be okay with that.

        1. Tadpole7

          Billie’s mom is still around according to Billie, she just more interested in her affairs rather than her daughter.

        2. thejeff

          Maybe I’m biased just because we’ve seen more of her, but I’ve got Carol at the top of the list with a tight cluster of others well below her.

  55. Owlmirror

    More seriously, I was thinking about Mike and Ethan’s relationship from the past until they started college. I wondered if Ethan ever asked out loud to Mike “What happened to you?”. It occurred to me that by “now”, Mike has been cruel and manipulative and bad-tempered for so long that it’s no longer surprising to Ethan, and he’s given up on asking because Mike has no interest in discussing his motivations.

    Is Ethan really not going to challenge the notion that he’s internalizing his mom’s homophobia, rather than reacting to Mike’s blatant and continuing sadism and manipulativeness?

    1. Wraithy2773

      Well, first, we’ve seen plenty of times that Ethan *has* internalized his mother’s homophobia. Like, remember the whole “dating Joyce” arc?

      As for Mike’s manipulativeness…….. call me naive, but I dunno. I’m stuck asking myself “what if Mike’s sincere?” We know Ethan’s had a fuck-ton of self-loathing, both about his homosexuality and his nerdiness. We know that Mike has engaged in one-night-stands with other men with no apparent aims beyond “I need to get laid”.

      Now, there is the possibility that this is going to lead to Mike hurting Ethan in a way that forces Ethan to come out of his shell a bit towards other men, and I won’t say it’s a small one… but Mike’s just an asshole, he’s not Doctor Doom. Not everything he does has to be an evil plot.

      1. Emily

        Mike has explicitly stated in an earlier strip that this is an evil plot though.

        1. Wraithy2773

          True, and if that’s still the case… well, it’d be a disappointing story arc because the twist was revealed to the audience in act 1.

          If, on the other hand, that information were revealed early as a red herring, to get us to expect Mike to just be doing this to be an asshole and, in fact, it’s more complicated than that? It’d make for an effective late-story twist. Just putting on my Inner Elan and trying to read the current of the story is all :).

        2. thejeff

          I dunno. Given the number of people in denial, it might work just fine as a straight arc. Kind of an “I can tell you right up front and still surprise you when I do it” thing.

        3. Emily

          A) Stories don’t have to have twists.

          B) If this arc has any twist it should be “Mike does something fucked up to someone and then actually faces consequences for it instead of skating on by untouched by the virtue of his white male privilege.

  56. bejouled

    Just popping in to say thank you, Willis, for the hovertext.

  57. Jason

    What Mike’s doing isn’t cool. I’m not okay with it. I need to clarify that because GOD DAMN do I feel like Ethan needed to hear a lot of this. That he can attract people, that he’s desirable to men, that that’s okay- that it’s okay to want to bed guys, casually or not. That he’s struggled and suffered and that’s valid.
    Has anyone ever said that to Ethan? It’s all wrapped up in Mike’s bullshit but here he is, saying “yes, I can see you’ve had it hard. You deserve something more than what you’ve been given.” That’s powerful. That’s important. That he’s saying it to manipulate Ethan into sleeping with him, rather than to help him heal, is gross- but it’s still so important that Ethan heard that.

  58. Jason

    Also, re-reading the strip, something hit me. Mike sounds almost like… like he’s suggesting Ethan broke their friendship back in school because of his mother. I doubt he would be saying it if there wasn’t a kernel of truth to it. So is that what happened? And did that play into Mike becoming how he is? We’ve already seen Amber “abandon” him when he was trying to help her. Was he also “abandoned” by Ethan?
    I’m now VERY intrigued. Looking forward to more Mike flashbacks.

    1. C.T Phipps

      Well, we know Ethan dated Amber for awhile to impress his mother.

      1. thejeff

        No we don’t. We assume much of his denial was because of his mother, but we don’t know that’s related to Amber at all. We know Amber had long been his closest friend. We know he cares about her and wants to make her happy.

        1. Jason

          Yeah, I get the vibe that they cared about each other enough for it to feel like they “should” be together and soulmates etc. Partly because the culture surrounding them says the only kind of soulmate there is is a romantic one and you can’t have a best friend who means the world to you and who you want in your life forever.

  59. Savail

    That entire penultimate panel (Mike’s expression, hair and words) reminded me of Blaine for some reason, and now I can’t unsee it.

  60. skittylover3

    Wow. I’m so sorry Ethan.
    Enjoy your amazing sex with Mike cause….he’s gunna shatter your heart into itty bitty pieces……
    I better get a slipshine-
    Ok but seriously MY POOR GAY BABY NO-

  61. Zellgato

    ok. Mike.. you’re blushing and you’ve got that eye going on.

    you fell into your own trap

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Turns out, Ethan is actually just as evil as Mike, but he bothers hiding it, and this is all part of Ethan’s scheme to ruin Mike emotionally and thereby eliminate a perceived rival.

  62. Ainara

    Mike….. smiling??? I didn’t know he had the face muscles necessary for that!

    Also I hope this doesn’t end horribly for Ethan

  63. Zaxares

    Is this the part where we cut to Amber writing furiously on her laptop shipping Ethan and Mike and realizing it was all a lewd fantasy? 😛

    Because if it’s not… Again, while Mike is not wrong, he’s twisting the truth to suit his purposes, and having been in a similar relationship in the past (with somebody who wasn’t a bad person and I did genuinely have affection for, but was ultimately wrong for me, knew all the right things to say to get me to stay), it’s like a knife being twisted in the gut. :/ He may genuinely want to help, but Mike can’t give you what you’re looking for, Ethan.

  64. Deadjolras

    Am I seeing things or is Mike’s smile in the fifth panel similar to his stress-smiles from the flashbacks?

  65. Acebender

    I feel like Doctor Strange, seeing all the ways this could go wrong.

  66. fire_daws

    <- This comic changed my happy Claire into an angry Claire.

    1. ShinyNeen

      Oh no! Angry Claiiiiire!

  67. Valerie Holt

    M-maybe Willis will let us have nice things for a change?

  68. Eldritch Gentleman

    I want to believe but I’m too scared to believe…

  69. fire_daws

    Appropiate.

    1. Fire_daws

      Damn it, wrong reply

      1. ValdVin

        But great Claire grav for it.

  70. Ajax7

    Omg please let there be a slipshine…

  71. Pat Myers

    Mike ships Danny with Amber, obviously.

  72. Zee

    Im
    Loving this so much
    Im making popcorn who else wants some

  73. SonicBlueRanger

    I’m interested to see where this goes. I’m hoping it’s not a fake out because this could be a very interesting turn.

  74. Poofdepoof

    Ugh this is perhaps a very personal preference, but I really dislike the line “take your reward”… The whole “you earned this” idea like you can… Like you can earn sex. I’m not good at describing quite what it is that turns me off it (maybe other commenters can help me out?)

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      It’s got objectification written all over it. Though it’s kinda funny that the one doing the objectifying is the “object” himself.

      1. Davethedavedave

        Objectification without consent is wrong. But sometimes a person wants to be… let’s say gently objectified. Sometimes. It’s fun and hot. And we celebrate all things that are fun and hot and consensual.

    2. motorfirebox

      It works in this situation because Mike isn’t really calling himself the reward. Mike has been into Ethan since they were kids, nothing Ethan has done has been about “winning” Mike. What Ethan has won is the ability to LET HIMSELF be with Mike. The reward is accepting what Mike’s been offering all along, not taking something from Mike that Mike was hesitant to give.

      1. thejeff

        Or it works because Mike’s a manipulative asshole and it’s not supposed to be a good thing at all.

        1. Emily

          Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is supposed to come off exactly as intensely creepy as it does.

  75. Rosstifer

    I feel this is a good time to repurpose the words of Ethan’s horrible shitbag mother: “You fuck him Ethan. Fuck his brains out. Fuck him over and over.”.

  76. motorfirebox

    Aw yeah. Mike wants the E.

  77. Ziggy

    Willis, this better not be written as Mike dropping Ethan, after Ethan believes that Mike has genuine feelings for him; that would be low, even for you. Mike is, and still should be, an unapologetic ass, where he strips away all pretenses, and leaves nothing but the raw, unfiltered truth to people. But, to emotionally manipulate someone like this? No, just no. This had better be 100% authentic.

    1. adjudicus

      Nah, it’s not. His stated goal is to seduce Ethan to turn Danny into a “jealous, whimpering mess.”

      Plus, Mike isn’t the truth revealing dude you interpret he is. He’s an asshole, but he’s an asshole just for the sake of it, not to help other people.

  78. Jade

    Looks like Mike is finally getting to the climax of his plans…

    I know Mike was planning on hurting Danny through Ethan, but I really don’t know how much of this is sincere with Ethan. Could it be romantic feelings, physical attraction, or just pure spite letting him do what he needs to accomplish his goals? A combination of all three? I admit I have a hard read on him.

  79. Ishaan

    Guys, you need to think more carefully about Mike for a second. Regardless of his apparent motivations, have you not noticed that the *end result* of his schemes always, always has been something positive? That’s basically his whole shtick – he is a master of seeing past pretensions and through people’s true intentions and this has made him deeply angry at the hypocrisy of the world. He helps people by hurting them: throwing out painful truths and forcing them into situations that make them confront their bullshit.

    And, if you think about it, the pain that Mike causes is always, always in the form of poetic justice.

    Mike broke up Walky and Dorothy by buying Walky some pants. NO SANE RELATIONSHIP WOULD BREAK UP OVER PANTS. It’s bullshit that Walky was not wearing what he wanted and changing himself to be exactly what his girlfriend wanted. It’s seriously bullshit that Dorothy was keeping Walky in this weird zone of “I fuck him because he is a relaxed slacker and that’s what I need, but I won’t commit to anything long term because he is a relaxed slacker and I can’t be associated with that”. Walky and Dorothy were using each other in a way that wasn’t good and Mike knew it.

    We all know Ethan has a problem. In a rare moment of honesty, Mike actually lays out for Ethan exactly what his problem is. As for Danny? He has no right to be jealous of Ethan and Mike when he’s out there pursuing Sal, directly in front of Ethan who he has also been pursuing, right as we speak.

    In real life, yes, Mike would be horrible, but in this strip, his actions usually are for the best.

    1. thejeff

      We’ve thought about it. And rejected it.
      Every time it’s brought up. Which is pretty much every time Mike comes on stage and does his Mike things.

      And if you squint really hard and twist things up the right way, you can kind of make that argument for some of his things. Others don’t work out so well, but then you can usually claim that attempt backfired and wasn’t what Mike intended – like Ethan going back into the closet and dating Joyce after a sarcastic Mike suggestion.

      What positive result comes from playing the tape of Walky crying to his friends? Since that’s one of his most recent ploys.

      As for Danny, Danny isn’t pursuing Sal or Ethan. They’re friends. Being Danny, he accepted from the start that Sal was out of his league and not interested. Which doesn’t mean something might not come of it – though I doubt it for meta-reasons, but he’s given no sign of wanting anything more.

      1. JBento

        The BEST I can come up for Mike is if his baseline emotion isn’t anger but disappointment at everyone that they don’t stand up for themselves (which would explain his expression when he told Sarah that everyone perpetually forgives white men) and he keeps pushing everyone to the extreme until he can find someone who stands up to him. Of course, he doesn’t care how many people he breaks in the process, which still makes him terrible.

        It also puts his arousal when AG tackled him in a new light – he isn’t a masochist, he’s just turned on that someone FINALLY stood up to him, even if it was for something he didn’t actually do.

      2. Pat

        “Others don’t work out so well, but then you can usually claim that attempt backfired and wasn’t what Mike intended – like Ethan going back into the closet and dating Joyce after a sarcastic Mike suggestion.”

        I… really don’t think you can blame Mike for that one.

    2. adjudicus

      He’s been trying to sabotage Walky and Dorothy’s relationship right from the beginning. He followed them into the gender studies class to harass them apparently based off his dislike of Walky’s FARTS and didn’t stop. Here he’s trying to passive agressively undermine their relationship by causing Walky to think of Dorothy as a nag and therefore trust her less. Really, the pajama jeans thing is just part of a pattern of trying to break them up just because

    3. 3oranges

      That Mike’s schemes always end up positive strikes me as something taken heavily on faith. Sure, some don’t end up too bad. And the things that do? Well, either that obviously wasn’t the outcome he wanted like it was with Walky and Dorothy (even though he says the opposite there). Or maybe we just have to give it more time. Or anything else to excuse the obvious unhappiness he creates. It’s really unfalsifiable.

      So here we have a situation where Mike announced to himself he wants to seduce Ethan to hurt Danny, and now he’s doing exactly what he said, and people are still saying it must be for a better reason because Mike’s not that kind of guy. Apparently our culture not only tells people to “eternally forgive white males” for their abuse, but to invent every possible doubt about whether they are acting in good faith.

      Another comic I love, Order of the Stick, has a character who is an unrepentant mass murderer that delights in torture. But he’s also dumb and likes puppies! So that’s that – “no matter how many people he kills, the audience still thinks he’s lovable”. My thinking carefully about Mike tells me that he is this universe’s Thog.

      1. Doom Shepherd

        At first I thought you meant Belkar, and I was going to object that he likes cats. Well, A cat.

        But Belkar also got character development.

      2. Emily

        Belkar’s hilarious but that’s because A) it’s a slapstick setting where death is cheap and B) Nobody is making excuses for him, everyone acknowledges that he is The Worst.

    4. Fart Captor

      The positive results have been IN SPITE of Mike’s interference, not because of it. Hurting people to help them is abuse. No matter what manner of “bullshit” Mike might perceive. Even if there weren’t ways to help that didn’t involve hurting someone, that wouldn’t give him the right.

    5. Emily

      I have too much faith in Willis’ moral compass to think his authorial intent vis a vis Mike is really the “abusing people is fine if it’s For Their Own Good” message that people seem to be getting from him.

  80. Jhon

    Mike is annoyed by people who lie to themselves.
    Because they are also lying to Mike.

    1. Archivist

      This is a fair character observation, but it reads like a Chuck Norris meme for some reason.

      1. Pat

        Mike’s not that bad.

  81. Elizabeth

    And the entire comments section writhes in fear…

    I really, really, really hope Mike is genuine underneath all this. But I’m not sure if he is, and it makes me so nervous.

  82. Samantha Johnson

    I’m actually not that upset about this? I think Ethan is smart enough to kick mike to the curb if he gets too stupid and Mike-like? And he has other people too help as well that are also aware of Mikes tendencies like JOyce and probably her roomate too. We do know that Mike can like and care about people… he actually tried to help Amber whe nhe learned her dad was an ass. And he actually stood up for her with a teacher?
    I don’t think this a good thing yet but I think it could morph int osomething good for both of them even if it doesn’t end up with them together.

  83. Sammi

    I didn’t even know I wanted this until it happened… then I remembered that Mike is most likely screaming and now I’m just worried where this is headed… poor Ethan.

    1. Sammi

      scheming* dammit

  84. Jay

    I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a fake internet romance to work out more than this particular one right here. There I said it.

  85. thelastnerd

    Unhealthy Relationships: The Webcomic

    [Yes I’m sure this joke has been made before.]

  86. steelbright

    Mike is so awful but if Mike hit me with this monologue I’D BANG HIM FOR SURE

  87. HelenKellersDog

    Holy fuck this is hype

  88. Red Comet

    Think Mike is keeping his eye open to look for Danny walking up behind Ethan?

    1. Archivist

      Walkyverse Mike would be but ??????? WHO IS THIS MIKE EVEN; I HAVE NO IDEA. HE’S A FEKKIN’ WILD CARD.

  89. Lone Duck

    And then Ethan wakes up, and it was all a dream

  90. Bearpelt

    ….. has Mike ever smiled before in this comic?

  91. Alexx

    GOOD GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

  92. a4lbi

    I just peeped the Alt-text and did this conflicted laugh/gasp

  93. Hoodiecrow

    I want to believe

    (It’s a cute picture, anyway)

  94. Archivist

    Leftover unresolved feelings about this ship from Shortpacked!: *surface*
    Me: Oh no.

  95. RacingTurtle

    Me to Myself: This can only end badly. Mike is terrible. DO NOT SHIP IT.

    Myself to Me: tooo laaaate

    1. LovelyMonsters

      I, too, am so very here for whatever dysfunctional bullshit this is.

  96. Meep

    I was not expecting long detailed Mike backstory. I kind of love it though.

  97. Tealjoy

    Ethan and Mike do a wait no!

  98. Kyle

    thenks willis for my life

  99. JA

    Mike is smiling. Mike smiling scares me.

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