474

Sorry
Posted on December 12, 2015 by David M Willis

474 thoughts on “Sorry”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    as long as you don’t end with a period, ’cause that be rude.

    1. Ana Chronistic

      whoops there was a link to go with that

      https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2015/12/08/study-confirms-that-ending-your-texts-with-a-period-is-terrible/

      1. Inkblot

        I end my texts with periods if I have something serious to talk about. When I joke, that’s when the bad grammar comes out. Otherwise I just end everything with a raised middle finger.

        1. Cholma

          Yeah, that study looks like crap. Lack of punctuation just says “kid” to me. (either that, or it’s my mom, who also uses all caps: ARE YOU COMING FOR THANKSGIVING THE BOYS WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU)

          I use proper punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and spelling, whether it’s email, text, forums, or a business letter. It’s as natural as breathing to me.

          Only when making jokes do I use text speak or “l33t”. (although l33t is good for passwords)

        2. Cholma

          As for that study… how does a period make a statement “less sincere”? I don’t understand the reasoning behind that at all.

        3. triska

          the general idea is that creative use of spelling and grammar is all we have to communicate “tone of voice” via text. i’m a writer, and although i obviously agree completely proper english is important when writing something serious or professional, i deeply enjoy playing around with formatting/punctuation/etc when i write more freeform in order to get across more emotion.

        4. IDontcarenomore

          A ‘study’ I heard on the news a couple nights shows just the opposite. It said punctuation should be used because it was hard to read emotion in text mgs.’s.
          I ignore ‘study’s.’ I text with a mix of good/no punctuation – depends on who, when, and why.

        5. saltchocolate

          That should be “studies.” (Why does the plural form of words apparently look wrong to so many people??)

        6. thejeff

          Because irregular plurals are weird?

        7. Pat

          You object to “‘study’s” but not “mgs.’s”?

        8. Shadow12000

          That’s not really the opposite, they’re saying the same thing, just the study linked here is saying that the emotion seems more dead when a period is used. It also says that exclamation points make them seem even more sincere.

        9. Pat

          If the texts are short, they’re already punctuated by ending. Periods are unnecessary, and therefore possibly seen as unnecessarily formal?

          I dunno, I often send multi-sentence texts. Periods are necessary.

        10. blal

          Ending a brief reply with a period implies you are done with the conversation, much like when you say period out loud, eg: “Jeff isn’t going to come with us. Period.”

        11. Znayx

          I’m a particularly big fan of encouraging proper punctuation, grammar, conjugation, etc. but I know what these guys are talking about. It’s not just BS. I see how some people are of different opinions, and I don’t expect you to just take what they’re saying, but as a fellow intellectual I can tell you that they aren’t just idiots messing around. I don’t have any proof to give you or anything… Just saying, don’t explode all over it because you don’t understand it.

        12. DarkoNeko

          I suspect your mom is a bit hard of hearing. Hence all the caps.

        13. Cholma

          Nah, her hearing is fine. 😉 Her handwriting uses proper punctuation and capitalization; it’s just with computers that it all falls apart. She also has no clue what a Subject line is either. It’s weird, she took typing in school, just like I did, and she owned an old Olivetti typewriter when I was a kid. (it got upgraded to an electric by the time I was in High School)

          It’s funny, but I prefer her ALL CAPS emails compared to when she uses all lower case. Without punctuation (she doesn’t use periods or commas) it’s actually HARDER to read than the ALL CAPS version!

        14. Thiago

          You might consider improving your .

        15. Deanatay

          A lot of people I work with don’t use the Subject line in emails, either. I think they’re either used to texting (the younger ones), or are unfamiliar with social networking in the first place (the older ones).

          As for the ALL CAPS – maybe she leaves the Caps Lock key on on her computer? With some computers, it can be hard to tell. It may make it easier for her to read.

        16. NoRAd

          Oh, god at my work, people use the subject line for the content, and ignore the actual body of the email, leaving just their signature, and any forwards or whatever as the body. It’s so annoying.

        17. 0kami

          Actually, seeing as how texting relies more on reading than listening (plus, those screens are pretty small in the first place), it might be a seeing thing than a hearing thing. Does she wear glasses at all, Cholma?

        18. rimpls

          Not using proper grammar is convenient, and many things invited that way are more efficient. You can’t say you use proper grammar and then end your paragraph with a sentence fragment in parenthesis.

        19. Clif

          (can)

        20. Pat

          Its true when you have to put effort into intentionally excluding punctuation and then the readers have to put more effort into interpreting it it makes everything more efficient how can you deny that wall of text is easier

        21. Yet_One_More_Idiot

          It’s also wrong, according to some linguistic purists, to end a sentence with a dangling preposition. But seriously, do most people care about that when it doesn’t really impact the nature of the sentence’s content, and is such an easy thing to accidentally do? (Aside: See, I did it myself there.)

          I think everybody has their own individual style for how to write messages, and we should all just ignore these so-called “studies” that say that one way is being perceived as “right” and to do anything that deviates from that is to be “wrong”.

          I, for one, always use full punctuation, grammar, and fully spelt-out words (as well as a surfeit of commas and some old-fashioned spellings such as “spelt” instead of “spelled”, as a for-instance), and end every sentence with full stop. Some might think that this makes my messages sound less sincere, but I can’t control what they think; I just want to make sure that I’m being as clear as I can about what I intend to say.

        22. Jacknoir

          that is the sort of thinking up with I will not Put.

          the Idea that ending a sentence with a preposition is/should be incorrect comes from attempting to force Latin Sentence structure onto a Germanic Language. the Dangling preposition is a common feature in Germanic languages such as English and is in fact entirely correct.
          the proof is in the first sentence of this post, which should read “that is the sort of thinking I will not put up with” which ends in a preposition.

        23. Ray

          How about:

          that is the sort of thinking up with WHICH I will not put

        24. Ana Chronistic

          or more realistically, “I will not put up with that sort of thinking”

          active voice removes a lot of need for ending a sentence with a preposition

        25. Shadow12000

          parentheses*, little known fact, but parenthesis is just a single one, while parentheses is plural.

        26. onetwoduck

          What would you say is good for account names, and to which sites?

      2. Steve

        Isn’t the sample size in that ‘study’ pathetically small?

        1. LynneB

          Yes, and (as with so many other psychology experiments),
          the sample population is also exclusively middle-class college students.

          Which may or in many cases may not give you psychological insights into other demographics, given how many different demographics there are than “middle-class college student.”

      3. Tenn

        *reads article*.

        … .

        I WILL MURDER EVERYTHING.
        .

    2. thebombzen

      Amazi-girl is prepared for everything
      including her period

      1. Inkblot

        Now you have me thinking about the periods of fictional characters and how it’s been over a month in DoA time.

        you did this to me

        1. Viktoria

          Ehh, for me it’s like Mike’s bowel movements. Presumably he gets them, yes, but until it becomes a relevant part of the story, why think about it?

        2. Clif

          With Mike you never can tell.

        3. Jacknoir

          with mike you can always tell because it comes out of his mouth.

      2. Sageress

        With her Amazi-Pads

        1. Inkblot

          I was thinking more along the lines of Amazi-Tampons.

          “Deploy!”

        2. Sageress

          Shit man I don’t wanna run around and fight crime with tampons

        3. Captain Button

          Now I am thinking of an extremely ill-advised educational comic.

        4. Freezer

          Amazi-Cups!

        5. anna

          and instantly I envisioned a tampon with extendable fins.

          ouch.

        6. Sageress

          but just think of the potential applications!

        7. Hijean

          How about potential applications you would want to use?

        8. Deanatay

          AmazIUD!

      3. Deanatay

        AG was prepared for red spots, not red panels.

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      Period as in full stop? But I always I\add the full stop at the end of sentences.

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        No you don’t! In that first sentence right there, you used a question mark with no full stop after it! You filthy liar, you.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Question and Exclamation marks both have a dot under them so that counts as a full stop, soo NUUUUR! 😛

      2. Jacknoir

        As. Long as. You don’t go. Full Shatner. It should be. Ok.

    4. Historyman68

      I text and tweet in the Ryan North style, which I believe is pretty much becoming standard.

    5. nothri

      YOU ENDED YOUR SENTENCE WITH A PERIOD! A POX UPON YOUR HOUSE!!!

      1. Tim

        Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow! Dishonor I your whole family!

    6. ozzi

      Study that has no citations. Are you sure you didn’t write that to make your point seem more academic? These things are easy to fake.

      1. Clif

        It’s a real study. But once again it proves the point there is a difference between statistical significance and significance.

      2. Ana Chronistic

        irony is lost on you people.

    7. Stewart

      They do emoji for menstruation now? Sweet!

  2. Mr. Mendo

    Yeah, I think we can stick a fork in this relationship. Tough break, Danny…

    1. Sageress

      Or a knife, if panel 5 means anything

      1. electromagneticDestroyosaur

        You really think some punk with a fork can kill this relationship?

    2. David Herbert

      I think that’s a little premature. He was trying to help her get past the issues, but doesn’t seem to fully grasp them. They can still reconcile, he just needs to understand he needs to go slower and she needs to actually want to fix herself.

      From the second panel, it looks like she still believes in what Blaine liked to tell her.

      1. Freezer

        From what we’ve seen, Amber doesn’t fully grasp them.

        1. tim gueguen

          Amber seems to have had problems since childhood(I suspect from bits and pieces we’ve seen she might be some place on the autism spectrum), and Blaine is all but certainly the kind of guy who’d think therapists were bullshit, not to mention a waste of his precious money. Whether he realised any competent therapist would see he was a major part of her problems is another question.

        2. Reaver

          Not everyone with issues has autism, stop slinging that diagnosis around

    3. Thor

      If Amber and Danny break up, nothing of value will be lost.

    4. jeffepp

      She has driven him into Ethan’s arms. She will conclude that she made them gay, and blame her self even more. Causing yet another breakdown, etc.

    5. Clif

      Before you go sticking a fork in the relationship remember that Danny’s relationship with Amazigirl is just fine. It’s his relationship with Amber that’s rocky.

      1. Kereth Midknight

        I think Amazigirl is going to hear about his apparent infidelity.

  3. Captain Button

    She said she was sorry.

    That’s a good sign.

    Isn’t it?

    1. gkheyf

      isn’t it???

      lulz. your desperate danny face totally sells that

    2. Ridureyu

      Well, we had some people yesterday saying that her behavior wasn’t abusive because she felt remorse, so…

      1. Carms

        Wow remorse totally doesn’t negate abuse. at all. yeesh.

        (did she say she was sorry? I can definitely read that as her mimcing danny’s sorry. ‘sorry? fucking sorry? You’ve just brought all my sanity-preserving (citation needed) internal walls crashing down and you’re sorry fucking fuck’)

        1. Lord Stoneheart

          I’m pretty sure all the insults she’s throwing today are directed at herself. Basing this guess off the context of the last panel yesterday. (And the red panel flashbacks today. She’s definitely focusing on when she lost control before).

          Though yeah, genuine remorse doesn’t mean that abuse didn’t happen.
          I’m pretty sure she’s trying to say sorry to Danny there. It’s just got jumbled in there though.

        2. IDontcarenomore

          I agree. She’s getting flooded with previous rage’s before against, Sal then her father, now Danny. I think the name calling is aimed at herself.

          Everyone has been yelling for a psychotic break. I think we are seeing one now.

        3. Znayx

          Yes. As various comments said of the previous strip, Amber feels unworthy. The one in control in ALL her red panels? Amber. Not Amazi-girl. Amazi-girl is perfect. She angry at Danny only because he doesn’t seem to grasp what how she sees herself. He wants him to resent Amber as much as she does, and only love Amazi-girl.

        4. rachel

          cry cry cry this is spot on, good job

        5. Boxilar

          Ditto this. Abusers almost always apologise and often feel remorse. Then they do it again. And feel bad about it again. And do it again. And again. And again. And apologise every time and feel terrible about what an asshole they are and SWEAR honest to GOD it will NEVER ever HAPPEN AGAIN.

          And then it does. But I guess it’s okay because they feel bad about it, or something.

        6. Sageress

          “I’m so sorry I shot you, bro. Bro, dude I said I’m sorry. Bro get up. I’m such an asshole, god. Bro I’m sorry. Bro? What do you mean you’re bleeding out? God you’re such a pussy, this is why I shot you.”

        7. zoelogical

          remorse without change is just about worthless. it’s better than no remorse, but just by a hair.

          i wouldn’t call amber abusive yet, though – like, it has to be a sustained pattern in order for abusive actions to make somebody an abuser. i don’t think she’s ever treated ethan this way? and here, like. she recognizes the weight of her actions and she takes herself away from the person she recognizes as her potential victim. both things an abuser wouldn’t do.

          i guess what i’m saying is that she’s massively screwed up but it’s not an indication that this pattern is forever. yet. she’d have to justify her words to danny, and she knows that there is no justification. running away is, weirdly, her taking responsibility for her actions within the context of this relationship and refusing to put danny in a situation where he could be hurt more.

          or that’s how i read it anyways

        8. Pizkie

          She has. http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/promised/

          I agree that this pattern might not be forever. But it exists right now, and it worries me deeply that Danny doesn’t register this behaviour as wrong. Taking responsibility and stopping the abusive behaviour is absolutely her own responsibility, but so far her strategy has been to break down, run away, become Amazigirl for a while, and then repeat the violent/abusive/rage-fueled behaviour. She has done or said nothing to indicate that she has the tools to stop doing it. Instead, she just keeps accruing new red flashback panels. It most definitely is a pattern of lashing out and then using that to fuel the self-hatred that leads to lashing out in the first place.

          If she stays with Danny and doesn’t get help, there’s not a doubt in my mind that either she will self-destruct, or the relationship will eventually turn scary-absusive (I wouldn’t say it’s abusive now – the pattern exists in Amber, not between them yet).

          “abuser” feels like one of those words that’s a sympathy death sentence, but my reading is that Willis is making me feel empathy for a deeply damaged and, yes, abusive person. That’s good writing.

        9. Clif

          Across the worlds Danny has courted emotionally abusive behavior.

        10. zoelogical

          …hmm. it looks like amber’s anger issues are what ended her romantic relationship with ethan. i’d forgotten that, thank you for bringing it up.

          …ugh, i just really want to reach amber. you know? just go through the computer screen and hug her and tell her off and hug her.

        11. thejeff

          I’m not sure if you’re serious, but her anger didn’t end her relationship with Ethan – him being gay did that. Before the comic started. The table flipping episode was the result of her finding out he was still dating Joyce.
          Complicated, but being upset and angry was justified. The extent and the violence was not. And again it ended with her in tears running away and turning to Amazi-girl.

          There’s definitely a pattern and not a good one.

          And yeah, I feel the same way. Wouldn’t work though. Amber doesn’t deserve hugs.

        12. Carms

          I think she’s definitely exhibiting abusive patterns. And her story, struggling against that, it’s really important. There’s a lot of talk about how to not become a victim of abuse, how to escape abuse, but very little, that I see, in recognising abusive patterns and behaviour in yourself. There should be. That shit is scary.

      2. anna

        Yeah, nothing worse than hearing words come out of your mouth and realizing you’ve become what you most despise.

        1. Sageress

          a pirate

        2. DarkoNeko

          yar.

        3. Sam

          LOL

        4. Clif

          Pirate, heck. Politician.

        5. Jacknoir

          darn right a Pirate will just take you stuff, a Politician will take your stuff and convince you it was for your own good.

      3. Needfuldoer

        It absolutely is abuse, but remorse shows that she isn’t 100% like her father. With enough of the right help, she could learn to control these outbursts before they manifest themselves in a way that affects others, and how to avoid situations that cause them in the first place.

        1. NotPiffany

          First she has to accept that it is all right for her to get help, though. I don’t think she thinks that a “stupid stupid little worthless” person like her deserves any help.

    3. Rodrigo

      It’s not abusive because there was no harm done to other.
      Only to herself.

      Saying sorry after is very common in abusive relationship. We call it the “honeymoon after fase” in an abusive cycle.

      1. Inkblot

        The very definition of verbal abuse disagrees with you, mate.

        1. Ridureyu

          I admit, it’s a difficult situation to judge – for example, Iw as raised with, “Abuse depends on power structure. Men hold all the power in society, and thus women cannot be abusers.” It’s taken years to realize that yes, women can abuse just as much as men.

        2. Inkblot

          Talking about society is one thing– talking about personal relationships is another thing entirely! I’ve heard the “women can’t be abusers” and “black people can’t be racist” arguments (notably, neither one of these are strawmen) and while they can apply to perhaps societies as a whole, once you start whittling down civilization into smaller communities, the arguments start to call apart.

        3. Rutee

          Black people can’t be racist against white people, but they can absolutely be racist to everyone else (black people included), and they can still be bastards to white people. They just can’t enforce racist structures against white people.

          Women can be abusers though.

        4. Inkblot

          Whether or not you care to use the word racist, people with black skin are capable of employing racially-based discrimination against people with white skin. In a court of law, it’s just as unacceptable.

        5. Rutee

          Sure. They basically won’t, though, for pretty much the same reason white people basically won’t.

        6. Rutee

          Not ‘can’t’, and not ‘never will’, but ‘basically won’t’, I might add. It’s not really much of a thing, even in places white people don’t directly run, but black people do. The fact that white people in the states jump to ‘black people’ for this, and not, like, people who do treat white people as comic relief in their own nations, is pretty telling though.

        7. Boxilar

          Granted, this is fictional, but this is a woman who has beaten a grown man to the point he had to be hospitalized. And Danny has shown all the combat prowess of a day old kitten. I think it’s safe to say that from a physical aspect, the balance of power is on Amber’s side here.

        8. Ridureyu

          “But in SOCIETY, men have the power, so she still can’t be an abuser!”

          As I said, it took me years to get over that – years of feeling that I was horrible and sexist for thinking that a woman could be guilty of abuse, and years of being drawn into abusive relationships.

        9. Inkblot

          In the worst-case scenario, discard the specific terminology and use simple language to talk about what you want to describe. Works like a charm.

        10. fogel

          😉

        11. Sam

          Agreed. Labels harm, than help, the discussion sometimes.

        12. Pat

          Men, as a class, hold more societal power.
          Power structures are contextual, though.

        13. Amazi-Stool

          “Men, as a class”

          So wrong in only four words!

          Remember the times when some “members of that class” where political leaders and other “members of that class” where at that the same time slaves?

        14. thejeff

          Remember back then when women couldn’t vote? When they were legally subordinate to the man in their household?

          Sure, it’s not as simple as “Every man has more societal power than any woman”. There are definitely other factors – race and wealth high among them, but that doesn’t mean the power advantage doesn’t exist.

        15. Amazi-Stool

          Remember back then when women couldn’t vote? When they were legally subordinate to the man in their household?
          Uh, yes, the slaves who could vote! And they were not subordinate to the man in their household!

          Well, actually they couldn’t vote and they were subordinate to the white man owning them. Which proves how stupid “man as a class” is.

        16. thejeff

          No. When there were still slaves, women, even white women, couldn’t vote and were subordinate to the (white) male of the house.
          Obviously, slaves were worse off, even the male ones, but don’t pretend there wasn’t (and isn’t still) a gender divide.

          Or is only one type of division permitted the “as a class” status?

        17. Jacknoir

          http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83030193/1912-07-06/ed-1/seq-10/

          Remember when reality was exactly the opposite of that propaganda?
          funny how often that tends to happen…

        18. Li

          Boy Jack I really tried but I have inspected every inch of that single out-of-context newspaper clipping and I have literally no idea what you were trying to say with it, or why you thought a single, extremely short newspaper article from 1912 was going to somehow demonstrate the nature of “reality”. Because one article is clearly way more empirical than, like, all the myriad studies that have been done, the legal state of affairs at the time… etc, etc.

        19. Amazi-Stool

          @thejeff
          I objected solely against the “man, as a class”-concept.

          I do not deny that there were other differences.
          But these differences should not be explained with men and women belonging to different classes.

        20. Rutee

          Don’t you understand, Li? A woman beat a man, and this was listed as a reason she’s a terrible person and acknowledged as a bad thing. Therefore, sexism is over.

        21. Rutee

          Of course you did, Stool. Anything to avoid acknowledging the structural imbalance that /is/ in your favor, because in some situations, others might work against you. There are no women who share those imbalances. None whatsoever.

        22. Amazi-Stool

          I do not avoid acknowledging the social imbalance, i only object against explaining them by claiming men and women being in different classes.

          Members of a class share the same legal privileges and limitations.

          This obviously does not work for explaining why some men are allowed to vote or can to run for office, while others are not.

          “Men as a class” therefore does not adequately explain the true nature of sexual discrimination – it is a misleading concept.

        23. Rutee

          Men and women /are/ different classes. They’re just not the only ones that people can be easily subdivided by socially. Your shallow understanding of class theory /or/ basic definitions notwithstanding, I’ve seen you repeatedly try to use black people’s history for your points. I fucking hope that it’s /your/ history, because white people trying to use racism to argue something else doesn’t exist are really fucking annoying.

          And protip: Slightly more than 50% of all people are women. That was sarcasm, easily identifiable. Trying to use other struggles to say “BUT MEN ARE DISADVANTAGED” is fucking gross for this very reason. There are women who are also in whatever disadvantaged classes you belong to, and they’ll generally have it worse.

        24. random832

          I think the problem with describing a single incident like this like “abuse” is that most people only think that word should be used in situations where the would-be-described-as abuser is clearly irredeemable / belongs in jail, the relationship beyond all hope of recovery to be a healthy relationship, etc.

        25. random832

          In other words, like someone said last page, “She’s on the path, but she’s not there yet.” – many people are only comfortable using the A-word for people who are ‘there’.

        26. random832

          Basically the fact that we don’t have (or you’re actively choosing not to have) different language to describe Amber’s behavior and Blaine’s behavior is problematic.

        27. NotPiffany

          She’s already flipped a table at Ethan, beaten Blaine to a pulp, and now this thing with Danny. She’s not Blaine yet, but without intervention, she’s on her way there. I worry that she doesn’t think a “stupid stupid worthless little” person like her deserves to get that intervention.

        28. Chrissy

          People have a similar reaction for the word “racist”. No one wants to think that a single action can be racist or abusive, because then we might recognize those actions committed by ourselves. As long as racist/abusive/sexist etc all refer to patterns, we ourselves feel safer from those labels and less inclined to analyze our own behavior to drive out such pernicious acts.

        29. Chrissy

          What I’m trying to say is that treating those labels as powerful monoliths that MUST refer to ongoing actions/behavior patterns, we avoid responsibility for single acts by rejecting the label out of hand.

        30. Strangeshapes

          The label just doesn’t seem helpful here. In the middle of reliving an incredibly traumatic event, Amber’s significant other violates the carefully constructed walls that are letting her hold it together. She freaks out, has a moment in which she says something pretty shitty which he pretty much takes as directed against herself, not him. Then she immediately apologizes and starts beating herself up about it. It’s true that abusers hurt and then apologize for it, but it’s also true that people generally say shitty things from time to time, and good people apologize for it after saying it. Yes, women can be abusers, and yes, victims can become abusers themselves, but that label doesn’t seem helpful in this situation to do anything but make Amber feel that much shittier about herself.

        31. Leorale

          Maybe we need a term for a probably-abusive behaviour that would be forgivable if it was an isolated incident, similar to microaggression.

        32. thejeff

          Call it a warning sign.

          An occasional red flag isn’t a big deal. Excuse too many of them and you’re in deep.

        33. Rutee

          Why? Her behavior is abusive. She is not, at this time, an abuser, but she is (or was) behaving abusively. This doesn’t need a special label so you can be comfortable liking a character. Amber’s got flaws, like every other dumb.

      2. zoelogical

        what she was saying was verbal abuse, potentially emotional abuse. amber recognized what she was doing and ran away from the situation where she could hurt danny. that she’s now choosing to hurt herself isn’t ideal, but like it’s probably better for her than choosing to continue hurting someone else.

        …recovering from abuse is messy, especially when you grow up with it. just because you were a victim of it doesn’t mean you magically learn all the ways a healthy person would deal with their anger and relationships and other people? you can have the best of intentions and still have some really screwed up preconceptions and habits. and be really, really screwed up.

        …doing something wrong doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person forever, is what i’m saying. like if amber continues this and then later tries to justify it, i’ll trust her less. but that’s not what’s going on here. she has to try to stop. and right now she’s stopping the only way she knows how – running away.

    4. Reb

      Maybe, maybe not. Lots of abusers feel genuine remorse, attempt to make it up, which convinces the abusee they aren’t genuinely abusive and when the next incident happens, oops they are sorry about that too but they just couldn’t control themselves.

      Note: I don’t know how useful it is to think about, but people can be abusive and remorseful or feel bad about the abuse or even recognize the victim doesn’t deserve it, but the thing that makes them abusers is they continue to do abusive things anyway. There absolutely are abusers who are simply manipulative monsters in it for pure control, but there are also people who are screwed up for whatever reason and end up abusing others because. Usually these distinctions are only important to me when discussing prevention (for instance, giving Amber tools to healthily cope with her trauma might prevent her from lashing out at Danny) because when discussing incidents of abuse, we need to recognize that the motive of the abuser doesn’t change the effect of abuse on the victim.
      But I think it’s worth mentioning here, because the idea that abusers can’t feel remorse- therefore if they feel remorse they aren’t abusing people (swap this with any humanizing characteristic, for instance if they can feel love they can’t be abusive, if they are nice to me they can’t be abusive,etc) seems to cause a lot of problems in recognizing abuse.
      Hope this was coherent sorry.

    5. JCfromNC

      Or she could have meant sorry as in “sorry excuse for a human being”, which is how I read it, given the rest of her reaction.

    6. passcod

      In this strip, and the one before, she’s having a panic attack. She is not saying “stupid” to Danny, she’s saying it to herself. Every insult is towards herself. She considers herself worthless. She’s saying sorry for having a panic attack and/or existing. That doesn’t really sound like a good, healthy thing to do, does it?

  4. Spencer

    Panel 2 is seriously like looking in a mirror.

    1. -Sentinel-

      yeah 🙁

      1. John

        🙁 Can’t start the day without finding a reason to engage in a little self hatred.

    2. Rutee

      Yep =.=

  5. Stephen R. Bierce

    *plays Honeymoon Suite’s “Feel It Again” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Stephen R. Bierce

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6lZudro6bg <- While I love the official video, here is a live version.

  6. miados

    wow…… I hate to admit but i can relate to this except i didn’t use any…… tools.

    People told me I had the longest fuse of anyone they knew, but the problem was…… my dynamite was some of the most potent as opposed to those short fuse people

    1. Captain Button

      Yeah I call that “high-inertia versus low-inertia personalities”. Some people can be snarling at you one minute and smiling at you 5 minutes later. Other people don’t react until they really get fed up and then they stay that way.

      1. beoluve

        Someone punch her already. She needs to snap out of it and words aren’t doing blanching but worsen it.

        1. beoluve

          That was supposed to be a new comment jeez

        2. DarkoNeko

          You’ll need to catch up to her first.

        3. Lord Stoneheart

          I uh, can think of multiple things that are wrong with that. How is violence supposed to make her non violent?

        4. Sageress

          It worked on World War II era Japan. No negative repercussions at all.

          Except Godzilla. He was an unforeseen consequence of our actions.

        5. Boxilar

          There are whole discussions on how being the only country that has been nuked really screwed them up.

        6. John

          Eh, we’ve nuked ourselves way, way more than we nuked them.

        7. electromagneticDestroyosaur

          Um, no. The US government used nuclear weapons to intentionally kill hundreds of thousands of Japanese civilians. Nothing they’ve done to their own even remotely compares to that.

        8. DR_GONZO

          True that. ElectromagneticDestroyer, are you at all familiar with the Rape on Nanking?

        9. Sageress

          oh i know man, i’ve seen a few. it’s really interesting stuff to think about, from a politcal and societal standpoint.

          also, it gave them Godzilla, who was not good for their cities.

        10. Captain Button

          I’ve seen it said that Godzilla also represents the earthquakes, fires, and tsunamis that have always plagued Japan. And volcanoes.

        11. Sageress

          and the enormous lizards, yes

        12. Gamaran Sepudomyn

          Godzilla is an official Japanese citizen. You shouldn’t discriminate against nuclear penguins.

        13. beoluve

          It’s far from a good idea, I know, but I’m fairly certain that Amber isn’t going to listen to words. If she gets help it will most likely be forced upon her.

        14. Lord Stoneheart

          That’s not answering my questions as to how violence is supposed to make her realize she shouldn’t be violent.

        15. Clif

          You’re assuming that she has to come to a realization in order to become non-violent. Behavioralism is not the end-all but ignoring it is silly.

        16. Lord Stoneheart

          I’m still not sure how punching helps.

        17. DinaWho

          Tbh behaviorism is questionable enough on its own without you trying to argue that it includes just punching someone because you think they need to be taught a lesson.

        18. Clif

          I think if Mike showed up and slapped you hard every time you thought of doing something violent, and then disappeared, that there would be a surprisingly short period of time before you had difficulty even thinking of doing something violent. Of course receiving rewards when you act non-violently in stressful situations is more likely to have a lasting effect.

        19. Jacknoir

          predators look for the easiest prey available so a demonstrated willingness and capacity to engage in violence can be an effective deterrent against violence.

          and if all else fails the dead are typically quite peaceful.

        20. Spencer

          So I’m pretty sure you’re just making a joke, but that kind of comes off like “Amber needs a partner she can live in fear of, otherwise she will run wild.”

          And like, Amber isn’t a “predator”, considering she reacts in horror and guilt when she’s violent towards her loved ones. She’s not looking for victims.

      2. miados

        my first real explosion was in middle school…… I broke a few ribs on the guy…… I dont feel bad about it though since at the time he was slamming my friend against her locker, but well it wasn’t the only time I exploded and none of them were……. my classmates started to ask me if I had a kill list because they thought i was most likely to shoot it up.

        1. Sageress

          middle school outbursts are always fun

          i remember i strangled a kid once. admittedly a shortsighted decision at the time, i felt pretty bad about it ever since. problem is, he didn’t really deserve it. he deserved a swift punch to the gut, but not, like “I’M GONNA KILL YOU” style stranglin, you know?

          lost my train of thought

        2. miados

          Once i literally picked up someone and threw them in the trash face first……

        3. Sageress

          that’s fuckin metal

        4. DarkoNeko

          Bet the trash can was, too.

    2. AgentKeen

      Yuuuup.

  7. Bunk

    Well. It looks like Dan’s in for a fun ride.

    1. lejwocky

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMPRMKUQLM0

      1. John

        Oh fuck, that song brings back some tough feelings.

  8. Ridureyu

    Eh, she doesn’t have problems. Those are just panels of her reaction to Donald Trump.

    1. Carms

      I can see it

    2. Sageress

      Trump really Danny’d it up

    3. shadowcell

      “stabbing a black kid” is a pretty unfortunate reaction to Donald Trump i must say

      1. Ridureyu

        I dunno, wasn’t Trump actually arrested for that a few years ago?

        1. Ridureyu

          I mean, I know he was on trial for raping and strangling his wife that one time…

        2. inqntrol

          So after he did that, he’s still allowed to run for president? “facepam”

        3. Jonathan S.

          The Constitution only says that you have to be a native citizen and 35 years of age. Unfortunately, nothing Trump has said or done causes him to fail of the basic qualifications.

          All we can do at this point is hope that come nomination time, the Republican Party can’t quite bring itself to nominate Hitler as their candidate.

        4. Needfuldoer

          If he’s nominated, the GOP will lose countless swing voters. It’s highly unlikely he would win without them.

          If he loses the nomination and runs as an independent, he’ll take votes away from the GOP nominee. Neither of them will win.

          If he wins the presidency somehow, it would be deliciously ironic if he got stuck with a deep blue Congress.

        5. Jacknoir

          no matter what this election will be less than Ideal, the line up is a Religious fanatic, literally Hitler, a Radical Feminist, or a Socialist.

          and I’ve said in the past that it would be a hard choice but I’d vote for Hitler over Hilary… but I’m actually rooting for Bernie Sanders as the lesser of the available Evils.

        6. Carms

          (I really don’t think you’re using ‘radical feminist’ correctly)

        7. Rutee

          You are a hell of a tool, especially considering Clinton is a mild feminist. Also, socialism has worked out p. Well for folks, but you are a colossal tool so I suspect this is selfishness.

      2. adam Black

        I think we call that a Ben Carson,
        especially when its fictional

  9. Lordikaroz91

    Ok she has a big problem

    1. anna

      Y’think?

  10. Chengrel

    I’m starting to think Amber might need some help dealing with her emotions.

    1. Sageress

      what was your first clue, the split personality or the unreasonably high self-loathing

      1. DarkoNeko

        It was the texts full of emojis.

  11. Carms

    Oh man that didn’t go well. I had a hunch when it was Danny. Trying to do good things. damn

  12. ailorn

    10 foot poles aren’t long enough…

    1. Inkblot

      Size matters, but it’s also in how you use it, you know.

    2. No Name

      What about forty-nine-and-a-half foot poles?

      1. Captain Button

        Think Metric!

        1. TheGrammarLegionary

          What about 15.09-metre poles?

  13. Plasma Mongoose

    ?????

    1. Inkblot

      No, he said heart emojis

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        But the hovertext said Poo emoji.

        1. Inkblot

          and in today’s episode Inkblot forgets to read the hovertext

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          I heard that you cannot read hovertext when you view this on smartphones, so that might be the reason.

        3. JustCheetoDust

          I could’ve sworn there’s a spot near the comic that you can tap when viewing through a phone to pull up the alt-text.

        4. Arian

          There is. Tap to the right of the ‘Latest’ icon and the alt-text will appear.

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          Now that’s what I call a handy hint.

        6. Strangeshapes

          I can read it on an iPhone, not sure about Android.

        7. Erin

          It works on Android too.

  14. Mandy

    My GOD Amber needs help.

    1. Inkblot

      don’t call god

      he’s busy

      1. Mandy

        Well SOMEbody certainly needs to intervene!

      2. John

        Yeah, he’s got newborn twins.

        1. saltchocolate

          But/and he’s still mailing Kickstarter rewards! God is omnipotent!

        2. a snow ʍousɐ

          One needs a changing and one needs a scrubbing and
          One’s on the way
          Oh, me, I hope it ain’t twins again

        3. a snow ʍousɐ

          My mom has played (& still plays) a lot of country

        4. Captain Button

          The Muppet version.

  15. Mr Ak

    Off to see Sal?

    1. Kraken

      This was my first thought, too.

      At the very least she’s gotta be off to burn off all those bad feelings by committing what Amazi-Girl considers to be justifiable violence on others.

      1. Mr Ak

        Not so much that, but she needs to deal with some stuff, and sometime’s its easier to do that with someone who doesn’t like you enough to put up with your bullshit.

        1. CJ

          People who like you and still draw the line when you bullshit are the most precious friends anyone can have.
          Liking or loving someone doesn’t mean I have to deal with their bullshit. There is the line where you have to say ‘ hey, your responsibility, go deal with it’.

    2. DarkoNeko

      uuh probably not.

      1. David

        You wish.

  16. Guairdean

    It’s ok. Amazi-Girl will be there later to give Danny some relationship advice.

    1. Captain Button

      Maybe he should listen to Joe instead.

    2. Proxiehunter

      No, Danny should go the person who has experience dealing with Amber and knows about her night time hobby for advice on this situation.

      I mean, there’s no way him going to Ethan about this could lead to more problems, right?

      1. Sam

        I am not sure how much Ethan can help. Remember when AG walked in to him room via the window, he was confused she was referring to Amber as a separate person.

        They can, def, worry together and maybe can ask her to see a professional.

  17. Dafydd

    Whoa. Got some Gollum/Smeàgol stuff goin’ on there. (Or “Slinker/Stinker”, as Sam would put it.)

  18. Spencer

    Really hoping this doesn’t spell the end of their relationship, though either way it’s not like finally becoming aware of her problems is going to scare him off.

    1. Ghola

      Can’t see Ethan/Dan without amber/dan hitting a rocky patch.

      1. Spencer

        If Danny and Amber break up I seriously doubt he’d try to hook up with her best friend.

        1. MM

          Somehow I don’t think “trying” would enter into it.

        2. Sageress

          Do or do not, there is no try.

        3. Spencer

          So, what, he’d just fucking magically gravitate towards Ethan’s dick or something?

          Why does every single Danny appearance invariably involve him fucking Ethan at some point. You know being bisexual doesn’t mean he’s morally required to fuck guys, right?

        4. Sageress

          As a bisexual, I would like to point out that my contract does include an annual “guys fucked” quota.

        5. Spencer

          Must have skipped that part over in mine, I guess.

        6. Sageress

          It’s right under the “Not invited to LGBTQ events” section, but above the part where your grandparents disown you.

          Easy to miss.

        7. Cerberus

          This exchange is the greatest thing in the history of ever!

        8. electromagneticDestroyosaur

          I need that clause in my contract. Get me the number for your attorney-at-law.

        9. Rutee

          …It’s not like people are talking about someone he isn’t interested in though.

        10. Spencer

          Yeah, that was shitty of me. Some of the comment section can get really really creepy about Danny/Ethan, but I can’t take literally every instance of it so harshly. It’s not like there aren’t legitimate reasons to prefer it.

        11. timemonkey

          It’s called wishful thinking. Danber isn’t fun to read so minds drift to more pleasant images.

          I don’t actually think Ethan/Danny will happen anytime soon.

    2. IDontcarenomore

      I think it is the end of Ambers stability.
      This may be the break everyone has been foretelling.

      1. Clif

        Stability? Amber’s break was long ago. We’ve seen it in flashbacks.

    3. Sam

      I dont think Danny realizes that this was something very serious.

      1. Spencer

        I think so. I really think he finally has an idea at how bad things really are for Amber, but he’s apologizing and trying to smooth things over because that’s what Danny does.

        1. Sam

          Urgh, I am not sure based on his response. We will see, I guess.

        2. Spencer

          Well, the last few strips would make me think that Danny’s figured out that Amber’s “cute dodge” is actually a lot scarier than he thought. That he felt the need to clarify to Amber that she was Amazi-Girl after she tried to separate those identities again made me think he’s starting to clue in.

          At the same time, he’s still Danny. Submitting to the actions of his partner is what he does, so even when Amber freaks out at him he’s apologizing because he figures that it’s all his fault, and when Amber starts beating herself up for it, he’s quick to insist that he’s not mad at her.

        3. Sam

          You may be right. To me he didnt seem “freaked out” enough by what happened. and like you said, it seems like he is blaming himself. So, I am not sure whether the realization that “hey, Amber seems to have anger issues and may be needs some help” has sunk in.

          But we will find out tomorrow.

          Or rather in a few days, since this seems like ending of this scene and so we may shift to a different set of characters tomorrow.

  19. JessWitt

    So much red. So much sad.

  20. Heff

    Danny simply isn’t allowed to have positive outcomes result from his actions, is he?

    1. Captain Button

      It’s because of his sins in a previous life.

      1. saltchocolate

        I heard that.

  21. Wublub

    Aw, poor Danny. I really hope he finds somebody who probably won’t abuse him. Like Ethan.
    Seriously though, when is Amber going to get some help? Also Joyce and Ruth and Billie and… almost everybody in this comic. They’re way beyond “normal college problems” and into “everything is fucked up and you need therapy” territory.

    1. Spencer

      Posts like this always make me laugh because like two years ago the comments section would be thrilled at Danny being heaped with horrible abuse.

      1. Sageress

        It’s almost as if people’s opinions change over time

        1. Sam

          LOL

      2. Some Unregistered Punk

        Characters changed. He’s a different character now because the author actually is letting them progress.

        1. Viktoria

          Danny of 2 years ago didn’t deserve what the comment section then wanted, though.

          Actually, I don’t think he’s changed that much over the course of the comic. Dude’s still a passive kid who tries to do the right thing but has trouble reading people and putting together clues so ends up screwing things up more.

        2. anna

          It’s kinda more tragic because he’s aware that he’s made massive, horrible mistakes in the course of trying to do the right thing, and still can’t manage to get it right – in part, because the person he’s trying to read is not only NOT an open book, she’s an entire freakin’ library full of those books in Harry Potter that chew your face off if you try to open ’em.

        3. Strangeshapes

          That was a great visual!

        4. Jhon

          <a href="http://www.unadinoi-winx.com/fee/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/s3-ep7-book-with-teeth.jpg"Here:

        5. Jhon

          Here:

        6. Ranthog

          What is worse is that Danny up until two years ago hadn’t even had his own plot line! Up until that point he was the thing Dorothy jumped off to set her relationship dynamic up with Walky. (The story would be less with out it being shown on screen.) The story with Amber has always been about Amber rather than Danny right up until Danny got a Crush on Ethan. Even then you’d have thought Danny was horrible and malicious, rather than having made honest (if dumb) mistakes.

          The same sort of thing happened to Becky.

        7. DarkoNeko

          Characters rarely deserves what “the comment section” wishes upon them, anyway.
          Well, except Blaine I guess.

        8. NotPiffany

          And Toe-dad

        9. Ntrovert60

          So, in other words, he is a pretty normal 18-19 year old guy…

      3. Rutee

        No, it wouldn’t. Like, Danny wasn’t popular, but 2 years ago he had plenty of people who were all “I <3 Danny" for any of a variety of reasons. It was pretty noticable, how 'danny hate' was oversold, as someone who neither hated, nor liked, Danny. Although at least he's not as boring.

        1. Spencer

          I think that came off a lot more serious than I intended, which, I literally just stated it without any kind of indicator that it was a joke so, my bad. That’s on me.

          I mean, there was a larger amount of Danny hate back in the day, but yeah, he’s actually grown a lot over the last two years so it’s easy to see why people are more receptive to him. You’re right that he definitely isn’t as boring anymore, though. Less blundering into bad situations all the time and more trying to work through them.

      4. electromagneticDestroyosaur

        I’m paraphrasing here, but…
        “You hated Danny being happy and not having to deal with constant problems. But now that he’s dropped it, you want it back?”

        1. Spencer

          Mostly I was trying to make a glib remark on how lately more people have warmed up to him and don’t unnecessarily blame him for everything anymore.

          It’s just that I suck at conveying tone in text so it ended up coming off as “I liked Danny better when everyone hated him.”

    2. MM

      I would make a lifetime subscription to Patreon just for a single comic about the poor campus counselor who winds up having to deal with everyone.

      1. Sageress

        that would just be six consecutive panel of a poor middle aged woman drowning her sorrows in a bar

        1. anna

          I was imagining the same middle-aged woman, I think, only smacking her head endlessly against the wall of her padded cell.

        2. Sageress

          That’s the sequel

      2. Viktoria

        Billie: *talks for 5 minutes, takes a swig from a flask, continues to talk*
        Counselor: “Give me that!”
        Counselor 10 minutes later: “Do you have any more of that?”

    3. Ridureyu

      Just wait. Ethan is going to turn out to be violent, too. He just uses a bag of oranges because it doesn’t leave any marks.

      1. DarkoNeko

        Ethan is gonna traumatize Danny with his constant Transformers conversation.

        1. Captain Button

          Transformers obsession is the way he keeps Dark Ethan at bay?

  22. THEBOONDOCKS

    i am very over Danny and Amber/mazing Girl. Bring back literally anyone else. where is Sarah

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I wanna see more Carla and/or Marcie.

    2. Sageress

      If this comic was just about Becky, Dina and Joyce for the next full year I would have absolutely no problem

      1. Viktoria

        See, you’d love it, I’d stop reading. The whole poorly-handled school shooting storyline made me really want to avoid ever reading about Becky again. There’s a reason Willis passes the plot off between the massive cast list.

        1. Sageress

          Oh, god no i wouldn’t want more of THAT. I was referring to cute lesbians learning about science and Joyce being supportive.

          In a perfect world…

        2. Viktoria

          Normally I’d be fine with Becky/Dina being cute in small doses, but I mean that the Toedad storyline has pretty much poisoned the entire Becky char for me. She’s ME2 Miranda for me, not in herself a terrible char, just not to my taste, except that now she’s become permanently associated with a chunk of the story that I hate and want to ignore so that every time she’s brought up I’m going to think of that and ignore the good points of whatever comic I’m currently reading. I’m hoping we ignore her for long enough for that to pass, but Willis absolutely loves Becky, so I doubt she’ll ever be off-screen for a significant amount of time.

        3. Sageress

          compromise: a comic entirely about…. daisy

        4. modulusshift

          Why was it so bad for you?

      2. anna

        I’m actually really curious about what Boss Dude has in store for us with Mary. And Raidah.

      3. Sam

        See, for me, that wdnt be great. I dont like Becky. I am not saying she is a bad person or a bad character, I just dont like her. And I enjoy Dina only in small doses.

        My fav characters are still the old set: Joyce, Dorothy, Sarah, Billie, Walky, Ethan, Amber, Danny and Joe.

    3. AeromechanicalAce

      No, we already have enough bitterness. How about Dotty? Nice, emotionally stable, NOT CRAZY Dorothy.

      1. Captain Button

        NOT CRAZY yet Dorothy.

        1. DarkoNeko

          was about to say 😀

        2. zoelogical

          everybody gets traumatized!! nobody gets therapy!!

    4. JustCheetoDust

      Bring back literally anyone else.

      If the next comic–buffer be damned–is post-coitus Faz, you only have yourself to blame.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        Or worse yet, he’s using Udo Kier’s Willem Dafoe’s Udo Kier’s O face from one of the Nymphomaniac posters.

      2. Rutee

        The Great Faz, however, will be pleased.

    5. Lord Stoneheart

      This does seem like a scene end. Maybe if I look at the preview panels on the Tumblr

      http://dumbingofage.tumblr.com/post/127711071547/should-totally-do-a-storyline-thats-entirely

      December 14th? Your wish has been granted! By Mary!

  23. shadowcell

    Danny, bro, just turn around and go, flank speed, afore she actually tries to hurt you

    while she recognizes that she has a problem, she’s chosen the entirely worst way to deal with it. and she doesn’t want help, and you can’t make her want help, because her solution is something she’d have to give up to do it. not even running away from her will help her, because she’ll just blame Amber, the horrible worthless cowardly failure, for driving you away from the strong and dependable Amazi-Girl, and that’ll just make everything worse. so, like thermonuclear war, the only winning move is not to play.

    you can’t untangle her issues. a professional would have a hard enough time untangling her issues. here there be dragons! just run.

    1. shadowcell

      yes, listen to me, the person giving advice to fictional characters on the internet!

      1. Ghola

        Don’t feel bad… none of us are even real. We’re all figments inside your head. You’re staring at a snowglobe right now.

        1. Captain Button

          Not quite, but there are only about 200 real people in the world. The rest are either special effects or time loops.

        2. Clif

          Shh!

        3. JustCheetoDust

          So my life IS a St. Elsewhere spinoff! Just like the old gypsy woman said!

        4. Needfuldoer

          It’s either that or we’re in one of Bob Newhart’s dreams.

        5. Noxx

          Just dated yourself, dammit, and me by extension.

      2. The Carlos

        Well, I did bruise my knuckles when I tried to reach into the screen to shake Danny and yell at him to run for it.

        1. DarkoNeko

          Lucky you have a CRT, then. A flat screen’d probably have broken.

    2. Charles RB

      “you can’t make her want help, because her solution is something she’d have to give up to do it”

      Yeah, no progress seems possible HERE unless she stops being Amazi-Girl – at least until she’s able to not view it as a separate person – and she only seems likely to cling harder. And well-meaning people who see her in the dumps might tell her Amazi-Girl’s good and necessary, ala Dorothy last time, not realising that might not be true for Amber no more

      1. Strangeshapes

        I can totally see the classic “superhero confronting himself” trope here. With Amazi-Girl telling Amber “I’m the one people want, not you.”

    3. Ridureyu

      Danny abandoning her would be the worst, most destructive thing he could do to her. Like it or not, he’s in it for the long haul unless he wants to destroy Amber. He got himself into it, and he can’t just ditch.

      1. Viktoria

        If Danny wants to leave for any reason, he can. ESPECIALLY if he’s concerned for his safety, as he should be after this, but any reason including “I don’t want to date you any more” is perfectly legitimate. No one should be held responsible for someone else’s well-being.

      2. Captain Button

        He can’t destroy Amber, he doesn’t have the right blood.

        (Sooner or later I’ll come up with a ref so obscure no one gets it.)

        1. thejeff

          Sorry. The Pattern is too obvious.

        2. Captain Button

          (Sooner or later I’ll come up with a ref so obscure no one gets it.)

          Sorry. The Pattern is too obvious.

          But it is not this day!

      3. shadowcell

        of course he can. she’s dangerous, unstable, staggering down the path to turning into her abusive father, and there’s nothing he can do to help her.

        Danny will probably see it exactly the way you do, which will lead him to untold suffering, because he’s a stupid kid (in fact, they’re all stupid kids! it’s like some kind of theme or something). but the idea that your significant other is obligated to help you fix your mental health problems is a road to ruin and abuse, especially when they don’t want to be helped. and Amber definitely doesn’t want help.

        so if he’s going to stick with her, he’s going to have to hope that something changes her mind and convinces her that Amazi-girl is an unhealthy and dangerous coping mechanism and trying to keep Amazi-girl and Amber as separate identities is untenable. and any step taken to help her will involve in some way “destroying” Amazi-girl, because Amazi-girl is the impossible identity she cannot continue to be. she’ll have to want to give up Amazi-girl. well, she ain’t there–in fact, she’s clinging ever harder to Amazi-girl, so hard that she’s lashing out at her boyfriend for breaking the illusion. the first step for her will always be accepting that this whole construct is unhealthy and unsustainable, which means she will have to want help. and Danny can’t do that for her. no one can.

        which is precisely what’s so pernicious about this idea you’re invoking! because if Danny leaving Amber would “destroy her,” then that would mean the ensuing meltdown is his fault. but he could not have stopped that meltdown either way and he could not have helped her; only Amber can do that. and yet Danny is pretty well hardwired to buy into that totally, which will lead him to a hideous feeling of guilt over something he could not have controlled. which is probably exactly what’s going to happen, because drama and stupid kids. but it’s certainly nothing that should be encouraged! holding yourself responsible for “fixing” another adult’s emotional problems is the road to emotional problems of your own.

        and since Danny can’t help her, it’s really just a race to see which happens first: does Amber realize she needs help first, or does she lash out and hurt him first? i’m guessing the latter. and that’s an awfully unfair bet to expect anyone to make.

        1. zoelogical

          so like ideally i think the conversation would go like “Hey Amber! You know when you ran off after saying hurtful things? What was that about?” and Amber would go “Danny, I was consumed with irrational rage and started channeling my alive father and then I was terrified of hurting you so I ran away!” and Danny would go “yikes!” and Amber would go “I know!” and Danny would go “Maybe we should talk to somebody for help!” and Amber would be like “Pssht when has anyone in authority ever done anything to help” and Danny would be like *heart eyes* “Please?”

          and okay maybe it would work out maybe it wouldn’t, but at least there would be an actual conversation and they would both be in a place to either cool it or figure out how to make things better

          also i hope leslie has got a counseling license or whatever because i would like to see more of her

        2. Strangeshapes

          I second the call for Leslie Bean! Yes, college was about learning to be on your own, but as I recall, it was also about meeting older adults more as equals and guides, and Leslie has the perfect potential for that. I’d actually like to see a few more of the adults involved here.

        3. CJ

          I wouldn’t say Amber doesn’t want help. She has this mixture of not trusting anyone (especially any ‘adult’ or person in authority), not believing anyone *can* help and not feeling worthy of help in the first place.

          So I pray as she running away now – this currently being her *only* option to stop lashing out at him – she will run straight into someone who will realize what a state she is in and quietly steer her towards competent help.

          In this setup though, Leslie might be the only one who knows where to find competent help. Ruth surely doesn’t though she would recognize that Amber is in dire need of help.
          If she runs into Sal in this state, anything might happen from her bursting into tears, apologizing for hurting Sal and waiting to be hit in response to attacking Sal (and losing, Sal is a much more clear-headed fighter).

          Heathbreaking strip.

        4. Adam Black

          Except Amber Under Stress, is a lot more screwed up than Amazi-girl.
          and she gets stressed a LOT

      4. Pinja

        Like hell he’s in the for long haul, they’ve know each other for a couple of weeks and he’s under no obligation to jump down the drain with her.

      5. Carms

        yah… right up until he gets seriously hurt, and certain comment section people start going ‘omg, why didn’t he just leave, couldn’t he see what was going to happen, I mean it’s his fault for not leaving really, obviously if you stay in an abusive relationship you’re going to get abused!’

  24. AgentKeen

    And now how similar this is to something I deal with clicks in my head, so it’s a good thing I’m in a relatively stable emotional state tonight…

  25. Cerberus

    Amber’s doing great. The best. No issues here.

    1. Ridureyu

      Yeah, it’s all Danny’s fault! Danny caused this!

      1. inqntrol

        I see you are having a breakdown….We’ll text this over.

        1. Ridureyu

          Poo emojis for everyone!

  26. horrorshow88

    Girlfriend’s gonna have a breakdown at the floor meeting about the “event.” I mean she obviously is *now*, but I bet she pulls it together only to lose it, again, in front of many.

    1. Solenoid

      I don’t think that’ll happen. Mostly because it would lead to help.

  27. Yotomoe

    WAKE ME UP!
    WAKE ME UP INSIDE
    CAN’T WAKE UP
    WAKE ME UP INSIDE
    SAAAAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEEEEEEE

    1. DarkoNeko

      crawling in my skin. These wounds, they aren’t real.

      or something.

      1. Needfuldoer

        “These wounds they will not heal”.

        Ugh.. every third submission to the Newgrounds portal in the early 2000s used that clip.

        1. ischemgeek

          Yeah, “real” line comes in to rhyme with “heal” two lines later.

          Crawling in my skin
          These wounds they will not heal
          Fear is how I fall
          Confusing what is real

          (errrrm. I MAY have been too much of a Nu-Metal fan in my teenagerdom – as evidenced by the fact that I haven’t listened to that band in about 10 years and can still list off their lyrics by memory. To the mental tune of the chorus in this case. Yeaah)

  28. Rezby

    What’s the first panel calling back to? I dont recall that happening.

    1. wynne

      I believe that’s her table flipping on Joyce in the cafeteria.

    2. Lord Stoneheart

      Amber flipping a table when Ethan tells her that it’s his decision to date Joyce.

      “The fuck it is!”

    3. Betty Anne

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/happy/

      1. Betty Anne

        (This is actually when it happen-happened, the first link was just the first time it showed up as a red flashback panel: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/promised/ )

  29. Sock_V

    Yes, yes!
    Let the hate flow through you!

    1. Inkblot

      It burns when it comes out the other end though

      1. DarkoNeko

        Worth every bite of chili.

    2. Captain Button

      I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
      And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
      Where the hate has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

      1. Ntrovert60

        I think that Danny’s safety requires The Voice at the moment…

    3. Sageress

      UNLIMITED…. POWWWAAAAAAH!!!

      1. OnyxIdol

        Sounds like a reference to a terrible movie that thankfully doesn’t exist.

      2. DinaWho

        UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING!

  30. Sock_V

    On a “It just now clicked” note…That’s why Sal is always wearing gloves, right? Nasty scar?

    1. Kepod

      Yep.

      Plus bonus points for “mystery” and “badassery.”

      1. Gigafreak

        Even when she can’t wear gloves (pretending to be a sweet harmless girl in front of her visiting parents), she held her right hand behind her back the whole time to conceal the scar: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/littlebit/

        They may very well already know about it, but SEEING it would serve as a reminder of the time she wasn’t (pretending to be) so sweet and harmless.

      2. Captain Button

        When will Joyce realize that this is the missing element in trying to be a cool rebel (who still loves Jesus)?

        1. Amazi-Stool

          What do you mean?
          The gloves? Joyce already tried that! However Ruth was displeased.
          Or do you mean being attacked by an armed offender?
          Well Amber attacked Sal with a knife – Ross fired a rifle in Joyce’s general direction.
          By comparison Joyce now is the real cool rebel – the rebel without the laws!

          (When cobbling that pun on “rebel without a cause”, my googling revealed that “the law” also has the meaning of the Pentateuch, which makes it fitting with Joyce struggling with her world view).

    2. JustCheetoDust

      Out of context, panel 5 could just be a “must not fap” moment gone awry.

    3. Liz

      Oh, WOW. I hadn’t even connected that.

  31. kenny

    what’s that first panel from again?

    1. brumagem

      I think when she found out Ethan and Joyce were dating.

    2. Kraken

      When Ethan told Amber that dating Joyce even though he’s gay was his choice.

      1. Kraken

        Oops, I linked a flashback from the series rather than the original comic.

        This one.

  32. Derek

    Wow check out the second panel, Amber is flinching like she’s expecting someone to hit her even though nothing in Danny’s words or body language suggest he’ll even defend himself.
    Points to Danny for catching that, since he said “nobody is angry” (or maybe it’s a reaction to her words? Hmm)

    Like I said yesterday: Danny is not equipped emotionally or mentally to help Amber the way she needs help, so it’s not on him to run after her and potentially cause a scene that will make them both worse. THAT SAID I do wish he’ll rum after her because I feel so bad for her right now

    1. brumagem

      Maybe if Danny starts rumming now, he and Amber can both take the Ruth/Billie approach to couple’s therapy.

      1. Sageress

        Drinking?

      2. Gigafreak

        Danny is usually less about rumming and more about wining!

    2. electromagneticDestroyosaur

      Part of me is hoping that he remembered Ethan saying that to calm down Dina last Saturday, and connected all the dots.

      Probably not, but I can dream.

      1. Spencer

        Ethan is showing up in a few days, actually.

        I’m thinking Danny runs to tell him what’s happened.

  33. Edupoet81

    Well, this strip is pretty much on par with how I’ve been feeling about myself. I’ve always struggled with all kinds of things, and things have been particularly rough lately, to the point that I keep hoping to wake up and find that the last few months have been a bad dream. Of course, I realize that it’s not a dream, and this is in fact my actual life. Today (yesterday now actually) was bad enough to prompt me to make a decision which will hopefully lead to life being less like a nightmare in the not-too-distant future.

    As for the future of Danny and Amber, I don’t know if this can be salvaged. I’m sure there’ll be hate for both of them in the comments section, but I can empathize with both of them. I can empathize with Amber’s feeling of shame and worthlessness. I can also empathize with Danny wanting to save this situation, but feeling helpless to do so.

    I look forward to finding out how all of this plays out. DoA updates are one of those things in life I still look forward to. This comic has brought me smiles and chuckles on some otherwise soul-crushing days. Of course, this strip didn’t make me smile or chuckle, though it was compelling and powerful. Even when these characters suffer, fictional worlds such as this one distract me from my own life, and that’s never a bad thing.

    1. rachel

      you ok? need someone to talk to lemme know, I’m a grown lady who has been thru some amount of shit and has my stuff mostly together, so you can email me if you want rkellyalso at gmail.

      1. Edupoet81

        Thanks for the offer. I do have a few supportive people on my side, and I will be making a change in my life which should help. I should pull through this; I’ve been though rough times before. Thanks, though, I’ll keep your offer in mind.

  34. Peduncle

    Amber. Amazi-Girl. Danny. One of you has to take the blame for this!
    Oh hi, Mr. O’Malley. Fancy meeting you here.

  35. Zaidyer

    Hey folks, lemme tell you something: being an abused child is an awful lot like being Wolverine. You’ll have seen some shit, and sooner or later the claws are gonna come out. But if you play to your strengths and don’t focus on needing everybody to like you, you can be the coolest thing in the room, and that’s gonna open some doors for you.
    Amber doesn’t know this yet.

    1. Sageress

      Comparing child abuse to comic books is fun

      Just like that time my uncle died and I gained the ability to shoot grief-webs

      1. anna

        I can think of myself as a cancer survivor, OR I can think of myself as someone who might just have been exposed to enough radiation to develop superpowers someday.

        When life hands you lemons, make the best damn lemon flambé you can.

        1. Sageress

          Chemoman, with the incredible ability to not have cancer

          Criminals are a metastatic and cowardly lot.

        2. Someone

          I can think of myself as a kid with a learning disability or I could be Hand-achy, the man who cannot use pencils.

        3. Clif

          You could be a kid cursed with incredibly saccharin parents. Or you could be Mike.

        4. Peduncle

          I have two good friends who are cancer survivors. One, with ovarian cancer, declined a third round of chemo to have a decent life. The other had breast cancer and then leukemia and underwent two bone-marrow transplants (the first autologous, the second with horrendous immune-system side effects). They are my superheroes.

          Batman has nothing on them.

    2. zoelogical

      jean grey got nothing on my super special empathy/observational skillz. BEAT IT PHOENIX

  36. Tomas

    I have a habit of reading way too much into things. That being said, I’m starting to see parallels between Amber and Jessica Jones.

    1. Someone

      I think thats mainly because both stories are great about realistically portraying the effects of abuse.
      besides there are similarities every where in stories.
      for insistance, I can se similarities between
      Harry, Voldemort and Snape with Walky, Head Alien and The cheese

      One died for love: Cheese
      One died for power: head alien
      One greeted death as an old friend: Walky

      1. zoelogical

        also the bit where being the victim of abuse leaves you a screwed up mess. and you have the skills you needed in order to cope but that doesn’t mean you have the skills you need in order to recover. that comes with time and love and distance and help.

      2. Clif

        Wait. The Cheese died??? I don’t remember that.

        1. Someone

          David Myers did (when Head alien took over the cheese)

        2. Spencer

          I always assumed that David was a joke. Like, haha, David Willis shows up in his own comic and then dies.

  37. Spencer

    Man, all the “Amber’s so coocoo!” posts are hilarious, especially when you see her reaction in Panel 2 and immediately think “yup, I have had that exact thought process.”

    But no, Amber’s “broken” so god forbid she ever be allowed to make a mistake.

    1. Sageress

      i’d say in your situation they’d be less hilarious and more insulting, but what have you

      and i don’t think the consensus is that she’s broken, it’s that she needs help.

    2. timemonkey

      This isn’t A Mistake it’s yet another instance in a pattern of her losing control and lashing out in violent anger. That she was able to restrain herself so fast is good, and she certainly needs help, but don’t act like this is an isolated incident that people are judging her for. She needs help and support but she is not stable and not well right now.

  38. CriticalQuit

    As harsh as this is, I do think that this is the beginning of what might be a good step forward. Amber fractures her identity as a coping mechanism, but not a healthy one. She’s going to have to address her issues directly if she’s ever going to grow beyond them, and with luck, Danny will help her find that sense, even if it’s a painful, possibly violent struggle to do so.

  39. IDontcarenomore

    Ambers past violence episodes just downloaded on her all at one time: against Ethan and Blaine and Sal. And it sounds like she’s repeating Blaines abusive mouth used on herself -not aiming it at Danny.

    Looks like she’s really fighting not to hurt him, underneath she knows he’s trying to help her right now.

    This may be the final break that everyone has been forecasting for Amber. I think she just did address her issues and its killing her.

  40. Freezer

    And suddenly, I’m hearing “She’s Got Issues” by The Offspring.

  41. brionl

    I feel depressed, I feel so bad
    Because you’re the best Danny that I ever had…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBTT3VPriV8

  42. Matthew Chapdelaine

    Amber isn’t mad She’s GONE Mad. Madness. Call Lord Death, we might have a Kishin egg!

  43. Nena

    Amber is becoming what she despises. She’s become an emotional abuser. Someone like that needs professional help ASAP and Danny would be better off avoiding her so that she doesn’t bring him down with her.

    1. random832

      Okay, I’m fine (-ish, see my other comments) with describing what happened yesterday as verbal abuse, but describing something that is not at some level a deliberate attempt to harm as emotional abuse crosses the line to saying people aren’t allowed to have their own issues.

    2. Noen

      Abuse is about intent, while she said something hurtful and uncalled for that’s not abuse. She caught what she did and is removing herself from the situation. What she said was absolutely not okay but it’s also absolutely not abuse.

    3. zoelogical

      Amber has committed an act of verbal/emotional abuse. if it becomes a pattern, she’ll become abusive; if it becomes a lifestyle, she’ll become an abuser.

      not there yet.

    4. Dash Jovis

      I don’t think this is abuse. Its just… genuine mental illness. Amber has created a true dissociative identity, and her alternate personality is a vigilante and a risk for self harm. Sad to say, but Danny is enabling her by not reporting her to the authorities.

    5. Noclevername

      Driving someone away so you won’t hurt them is bad, but it’s the opposite of abuse. Abusers want their victims close so they can control them.

  44. JetstreamGW

    Amber. Get a shrink. Stop doing stupid super hero shit and get a goddamned therapist 😛

    1. Captain Button

      The Amazi-Girl versus Dr. Therapy Limited Series?

  45. rachel

    this is like… horrible, somehow the hardest to watch of any storyline yet, so far. This is fucking TRAUMA and its effects, and it is SUPER FUCKING REAL. bravo, Willis, it hurts :(:(:(

  46. DarkoNeko

    JUST RUN AFTER HER YOU IDIOT !

    *ambers proceed to jump over a wall*

    NEVER MIND.

  47. Architex

    SEEING RED AGAIN
    SEEING RED AGAIN
    SEEING RED AGAIN

    1. DarkoNeko

      AAAAAA

  48. Noen

    Another day a lady in the comic isn’t perfect, another slew of sexist comments.

    Hmmm it’s like people are more forgiving of a man’s flaws hmmm where have I seen this before

    1. Darp

      There aren’t really any men in this comic.

      1. zoelogical

        are you kidding me? there was one whole man in this strip today. #representation matters

    2. zoelogical

      ..it’s weird but i can’t think of a narrative where a man deals with trauma to this extent before. i mean, yes, i’ve seen the action movies with gritty flashbacks and sad stories, but like the point of that trauma is to make the male protagonist more manly. not to disbar them from all shared points with normal humanity and make them a living breathing mess. like, it’s always a motivation, not an injury.

      1. Untes

        Batman.
        It’s literally his thing.

        1. zoelogical

          oh my god batman

          i love batman so much

          i must have been thinking about frank miller batman and then locked myself in a corner and cried

        2. zoelogical

          i think that what i’m looking for here, though, is where the trauma acts as an active disability. like. batman having ptsd doesn’t stop him from doing what he does. his trauma powers his ability to go on. bruce’s trauma makes him batman. his trauma is, essentially, his superpower.

          …haha wow that’d be a terrible au where, like, the Bat requires more and more sacrifices as he ages. and you can just pick up robins anywhere these days. must…acquire…more…angst

        3. zoelogical

          also his money is his superpower. trauma + education + money + power.

        4. Tamm

          I don’t know – trauma doesn’t get in the way of Batman doing his job, but it definitely has an impact on Bruce Wayne’s life. He’s isolated, has driven away those closest to him (Dick and Alfred most notably – although they came back), and in a lot of ways Bruce Wayne only exists as a glamour to allow Batman to function.

          He is still healthier than Amber right now – probably due to Alfred and the fact he never had…persistent, self-image destroying abuse? (If you see what I mean) but I think the trauma has certainly had a long lasting impact.

        5. Untes

          He doesn’t have stable romantic relationships whatsoever.
          Which is kind of what we’re seeing here with Amber.
          His only form of “stability” comes in the form of crime fighting,
          which is not -Bruce- but an alter ego that let’s him cope with the
          world around him. Again, Amber, basically in a nut shell.

          Batman’s gotten so bad that you’d almost call Bruce Wayne the
          alter ego of Batman, rather than the other way around.

        6. zoelogical

          i guess it really depends on what paradigm you’re working with.

          like the paradigm of batman as a functioning human being – his trauma and his inability to maintain relationships are really devastating, as seen in batman the animated series, where he ends up a grumpy old man alone with his cave and his sadness.

          but in the paradigm of batman as a grimdark avenger, his trauma and his inability to maintain relationships aren’t signs of stuff he needs to go to therapy for. they actually add to his mystique, which is basically just toxic masculinity. he’s too “manly” to need or invest in long-standing relationships. it’ll always end with him on a skyscraper looking out over the city, gritted jaw and ready to punch a bad guy in the face. it’ll always end with other people being necessary collateral damage for batman to be who he is.

          i guess what i’m saying the difference here between say, batman and amazigirl, is that i think that amber’s problems make it significantly harder for her to a) be a person and b) be amazigirl. this might not be stuff she can just fight through – she needs significant help. i honestly think she needs to put down the cape for a time, but i don’t know if that would help or not.

          …i guess what i’m saying is that i’d like to see more trauma as a) debilitating and b) completely unnecessary. and i am, actually, aka jessica jones was amazing. but it’s not always as messy as i would like to feel real.

      2. Rycan

        Jason Bourne? He’s practically a human explosive.

        1. zoelogical

          …that was such a good book. also mystery!! his trauma doesn’t really leave him disabled, though, which is more of what i was looking for.

  49. Rycan

    Amber is practically abusing herself. Either that, or she’s got her father stuck in her head, still yelling at her.

    Either way, she’s getting worse.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      I am beginning to seriously worry about Amber.

  50. Davecom3

    Well, from what Walky would say, those poo emojis are signs of true love.

  51. BenRG

    Danny, go after her. She’s a self-harming/suicide risk.

  52. Wasted

    I must be the only one who doesn’t really feel sorry for Amber.

    1. Chrissy

      Out of curiosity, why don’t you?

  53. KSClaw

    Oh Amber :< isn't there someone professional she could talk to in some way?

  54. Dash Jovis

    Jesus. I think I wholly underestimated how insane Amber actually is. Damn you Willis…

  55. Bagge

    🙁

  56. Rowan Weaver

    Long threads of “Amber is irredeemable”
    Short lonely posts of “same”

    1. Rowan Weaver

      Don’t read the comments full of internet psychologists during BPD fueled identity crises

      1. anna

        Yeah, I recommend skipping or HEAVILY skimming until this arc ends.

    2. thejeff

      I see very few people saying Amber is irredeemable. A lot saying Amber needs help.
      Some saying it’s dangerous for Danny to stay in the relationship – which is likely true to some extent and will become more so, if she continues on the path she’s on.

      1. Commodore Jeep-Eep

        She’s also dangerous to any ‘lawbreaker’ she runs across in her AG persona.

        Something tells me we might end up seeing a final throwdown between her and Sal, at one point. There’s a real possibility of a serious assault in the wings there.

        1. thejeff

          In theory, yes. In practice, I doubt it.
          I think Willis is playing the super-hero thing straighter than that. We’re not going to see Amazi-Girl go the brutal route.

          There is almost certain to be a confrontation between her and Sal. I’m not at all sure it’s going to be a throw-down. He already subverted that. Quite possibly that’ll be a turning point for Amber.

        2. Commodore Jeep-Eep

          Frankly, I can’t see her story ending in anything but tears. And given her escapade when she ran into Sal and co drinking, chances are good it’s going to turn ugly eventually.

        3. brumagem

          To be honest, nobody’s story really ends until they die. I don’t see Willis letting Amber’s condition go untreated forever, especially given how much of a victim she is.

          Post-script: I just realized making Amazi-girl a martyr for untreated mental illness is exactly the kind of thing Willis might do, even if just because people love her and everything we love must be destroyed.

        4. Commodore Jeep-Eep

          Honestly, the best probable scenario for her is involuntary commitment; there’s a not insubstantial realistic chance for death by cop otherwise.

        5. thejeff

          Realistically, probably. Assuming she couldn’t be talked into voluntary treatment.
          Neither of those will happen in the comic though. I doubt he’ll make her a martyr or have her locked up. No matter how realistic it would be. My best guess: She’s got an arc to play out. It’s going to get worse before it gets better. She needs to confront Sal – I’m guessing as Amber and not an actual fight. She probably also needs to face Blaine again – without losing control. Somewhere in there she earns enough confidence and awareness to get help herself.
          Whether Danny can stay with her throughout this, I don’t have a clue.

    3. Dash Jovis

      She’s not irredeemable until she kills the Plutonian and a whole alien race.

      1. Spencer

        iunderstoodthatreference.gif

  57. Bagge

    Is Amazie-girl the titular Perfect Girl?

    1. Lord Stoneheart

      She’s a titular perfect girl? I think there’s multiple.

      1. Solenoid

        I always thought story titles carried multiple meanings.

  58. Chaucer59

    Is Amber on Depakote? If not—why the fuck not?

    1. neeks

      You probably need a prescription for that and she’d have to have gone to a mental health professional for help to get that. But first she’d have to acknowledge that her alter ego is insufficient for dealing with her everything, and seek that help.

      (I mean yeah there are online overseas pharmacies that don’t require prescriptions or anything to buy ‘scrip-only meds, but selfmedication is a hecka dangerous route to take, especially without a doctor’s help in establishing a dose in the first place.)

      1. Sam

        “I mean yeah there are online overseas pharmacies that don’t require prescriptions”

        WHAT? That’s kinda scary.

        1. neeks

          On one level, sure, but when you don’t have health insurance or enough money to see a specialist in order to get prescriptions for meds you literally need to live…they’re pretty useful. Iirc narcotics usually aren’t available, but I haven’t gone looking.

    2. anna

      I guess because a licensed doctor like you hasn’t yet come along and prescribed it for her.

  59. skdk

    i cant believe how cold people are towards amber. but maybe its cause i have depression and deal a lot with self hatred and sometimes want to scream at people or hurt something (i never hurt anyone though), jut ive never been in an abusive relationship. to the people who have been abused this looks like amber is an abuser, shes going to abuse danny right? to me, this looks like amber being really sad, hating herself a lot, dont know what to do in this situation, accidentally called him bad things because she got really frustrated, and saying sorry SINCERELY because shes really sorry shes being like that. shes probably aldo apologizing for existing at all

    1. Lorien Inksong

      Honestly I’m a bit uncomfortable with the general mood too. While I’ve never lashed out at anyone physically (and frankly tend to swallow my anger and direct it into self abuse) I can identify pretty heavily with Amber in terms of depression/anxiety/PTSD.
      I think its a bit too early to say she’s going to abuse Danny. Couples argue and have bad moments, there’s a difference between things going awry and abuse. Obviously if she crosses that line (or Danny isn’t up to handling this) he should GTFO but everyone saying Amber can’t be in a relationship is… disquieting to me I guess? Should depressed people just not be in relationships? Because that seems more than a little cruel to me.

      What am I missing here?

      1. Sub

        Well there’s the fact that she’s also quite mentally unsound and could really do with a therapist. Depression is the least of her worries.

        1. Lorien Inksong

          I’m not sure I see your point Sub. Yes Amber clearly needs help. Not a point I’m denying.

        2. Sub

          Amber’s depression as a reason for not being in a relationship is secondary to her slew of other mental issues as reasons for not being in a relationship. That was really my only point.

          She has a whole bunch of issues to sort out for herself without having to worry about another person, or have another person trying to fix her, when she’s not even trying herself but rather relying on an unhinged split personality of sorts.

      2. timemonkey

        That Amber is more than just depressed and that she’s had repeated bursts of violent rage throughout the comic. This isn’t just one instance of her violent behaviour, it’s just the first that Danny’s triggered, which also demonstrates that whatever feelings she might have for him won’t prevent her from snapping. Danny’s in actual danger, she really needs professional help.

        1. Lorien Inksong

          I had a feeling my garbage memory was biting me in the arse. Though with today’s strip you think that would have been enough of a reminder. So thanks timemonkey.

          At least we can be glad Danny didn’t chase her down.

      3. Commodore Jeep-Eep

        At least for me, I’m not expecting her to hurt Danny, physically. I’m worried for everyone else on the campus, and that he’ll get emotionally hurt in the inevitable implosion and leadup.

    2. Haven

      It’s like…Amber’s one of my favorite characters, but my immediate reaction is still “holy crap get out of this Danny” because some of the things she was saying hit way too close to home.

    3. Just Me

      An Abuser is someone who chronically goes after another. Abusers never quite get it, even of they think they do, they never realize the harm they are causing. So the cycle keeps repeating it’s self.

      Amber is not an Abuser, but she does have Anger Management Issues, as well as Issues with self hatred and self-esteem. She does need help, but I doubt anyone is going to because they don’t know how or they don’t want to get involved.

      It would be nice if Willis did show someone trying to help her. Depends on if he wants this story to be Hopeful, or Tragic.

    4. Edupoet81

      I agree with you here. I suppose people who haven’t lived those sorts of issues aren’t going to understand. People who have never despised themselves, never felt worthless and fundamentally wrong as a human being aren’t going to understand. People who have never felt like their own brain is their worst enemy, and no matter what they do, they can’t stop making a toxic mess of things they care about, aren’t going to understand. Unfortunately, many people tend to be hostile toward that which they don’t understand. It’s human nature.

      I don’t hate anyone in DoA, with the exception of Blaine, Toedad, and possibly Mary. As I have said previously, I feel empathy toward both Amber and Danny. I hope both of them find their way, whether that way proves to be separate or together.

    5. ischemgeek

      Personally? Don’t think she’s irredeemable. Think she needs help, think she has some serious mental health issues, think she’s right that she’s internalized her father’s way of dealing with anger, think she’s not in a good place because she hates herself for being like her father, think she is genuinely running a risk of becoming the one she hates. None of that means she’s irredeemable.

      Mind you, I’m also too like Amber and my own dad for my comfort, soooo I relate to her a lot. Major difference b/t me and Amber is that I had access to a good mental health help from teenagerdom and took the tack of learning how to restrain that side of me rather than trying to compartmentalize it. But definitely if you internalize an abusive pattern of dealing w/ anger, it’s something you need to constantly manage, IME. It’s not like “go to mental health help for a few sessions, magic happens and then you’re cured!” Every time I get upset or angry, I have to make a conscious choice not to react abusively and to restrain my knee-jerk impulse. But thing is, if I don’t restrain it, if I react abusively, that’s on me. Not on my folks who taught me that the only acceptable way to get angry is to scream abuse and throw shit and put fists through walls, not on my partner for setting me off, it’s on me. It is my responsibility to not be abusive, and I have to genuinely own my fuckups and not make excuses. Making excuses for it is how the abusive pattern gets continued. I don’t think Amber will ever be free of Blaine, but I think she can make a functional relationship with Danny if she gets help – but it won’t be easy.

  60. Rowan Weaver

    great idea , me. Search for validation of self hatred through webcomic comment sections. You wanted to know what the general public thought of you and it’s exactly what you think.
    Validation of your self imposed isolation and abrasive behaviors used to warn people that you’re shit, got it.

    I already understand that the internet is not a home for me.
    I’ve already learned the concept behind the internet, globalism, especially post web 2.0 mindsets need me gone already. I know how people like me, who want solitude, who can’t focus on the zeitgeist, who live even moderately internally, are a threat to our semi-transhumanism presenting as the best step forward, as within the system, they are made dangerous through the power imposed onto them. It’s not new. Vehement lack of tolerance for passive ignorance is to be expected. I’m taking part.

    Move the goals sideways and it’s different. In doing so we’ve shifted from unconscious intolerance of natural configuration made necessary by a system we have created
    to active intolerance of learned configuration brought about by a system we’ve created.

    I’m not going to say what’s good or bad. I’m not good at that. Maybe it is best I don’t exist so the system we’ve created can thrive without threat of the unwanted power of the ignorant. Maybe that’s actually the best possible system, despite accidental subtle eugenics. I can’t think of a better one. I don’t even know what better means, necessarily.

    Maybe it is best I keep to myself. Maybe developing these tendencies as defense mechanisms was unavoidable. Maybe the stigma of abuse victims as abusers is just shorthand. Maybe it is best I make sure everyone knows how much of a terrible person I am as soon as we meet so they don’t have to deal with learning it slowly and can hate me right of the bat. That sounds like the best thing for the majority of people, honestly.

    but there’s raw, natural feelings of pain. Both models cause me pain, which brings out a cognitive dissonance between the natural and the created.
    “pain is bad this is how what we’ve created works”
    and that calls into question the deserved respect of both.
    the natural vs the created, the body vs the mind.

    The thought is an impact of the mind. The mind, or self, exists in how it impacts its surroundings. The self is what it has done. What it is known to be.
    The self breaks a branch, it is the branch breaker. Look at the tree, you know the branch was broken by the branch breaker. That self exists within the broken branch. Meet a person, they have another friend. That friend exists within that person. Create a social system, all selves with any impact exist within each other through the web of others’ touches.
    By that, a self can exist only so long as it has had an impact. Where was the self before the branch was broken? Where did the branch breaker come from? Before the impact, there was only the body. Once the body snapped the branch, the self came into being. The self cannot exist without the body.
    My understanding is that this should bring the body more respect.
    You want to move past the need for bodies? Transhumanism, as a product of the self, was informed by the body.
    All ideas, in actualization, perform an ancestor worship to the body, by fulfilling what it had informed.

    And that’s why you shouldn’t say Amber is insane.

    1. Valkyr

      thankyou

    2. That guy

      /me slowly backs away

  61. Deanatay

    Amber has Blaine-Tourette’s – she can’t stop saying random things that her dad said to her when she was little.

    1. Gigafreak

      …Certainly will have a lot of explaining to do when she she and/or Amazi-Girl ends up screaming “GO BRUINS” in the bedroom.

  62. Clif

    Amber, no matter how fast you run away, you can’t run from yourself.

  63. Regalli

    Augh, Amber, I know you won’t accept hugs because you’re just confirming to yourself everything he said to you and you’ve since internalized but DAMN, you need a hug. Call your mom. Go to the campus counseling center. Text Ethan looking for some emergency support, he’ll have your back. Probably not a good idea to go looking for Sal in this state but you and she desperately need A Talk and while I know you’ll never be able to hash out things enough to come to an Understanding about what happened (at least not now), I REALLY wish you could just get out what your problem is with her. But, um. Yeah. Ethan. Mom. Dina if she’s available. HUGS. HUGS AS AMBER.

  64. Griffin

    Amber smash?

  65. Kereth Midknight

    So, fifth panel, is this the first indication we get that Amber did something during that robbery other than cower? Was it actually the first appearance of Amazigirl? Does this recontextualize the “Just some stupid little punk with a knife” comment? Was her father actually belittling her accomplishment in stopping the robbery, rather than belittling her cowardice in the face of it?

    1. Lord Stoneheart

      Huh? We know what happened with the knife. We learned it back when Amber attacked her father. She had flashbacks to when she stabbed Sal with it.

    2. Spencer

      Back during her beatdown of Blaine we got a flashback to the robbery where it was revealed that Amber stabbed Sal after Blaine berated her for not standing up to “some stupid punk with a knife”.

  66. Commodore Jeep-Eep

    Anyone taking bets that one of the final DoA arcs will end in Amber’s involuntary commitment? I mean, with the AG escapades, she’s a textbook example of threat to others and self.

  67. Tenn

    I thought that maybe this strip would be less painful than the previous, but no. 🙁

    But hey, at least it wasn’t more painful! *grins maniacally*

  68. Cizak

    Jesus fuck, Amber…

    Okay, getting these kinds of flashbacks suck, and it’s not easy for her. But this is like the fourth goddamn time it has happened and she’s solved it by running away. GO SEE A FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST ALREADY. Superheroing is clearly not the solution to this problem.

    1. anna

      Running away is always the answer, right up until the moment you try to run away and you can’t.

  69. Mr. Random

    This place, I’m assuming, has a therapist? Yes? No?

    1. That guy

      I suspect all universities have something, but they’ll be more crisis management than long term therapy. I suppose a bit of each could help right now.

  70. SirStafford

    Amber hates Amber. Amber did bad things and shouldn’t be happy. Amazigirl does good things and can be happy, but if Amber is Amazigirl, then Amazigirl can’t be happy, because she was bad and doesn’t get good things.

    I know too many people like this. If you understand where Amber is coming from, please seek help. There is no shame in being hurt. There is only shame in STAYING hurt.

  71. Liz

    So Amber’s caught in an intense cycle between internalized self-hatred and externalized rage? Maybe a counselor, or someone who cares about her, can help, like Danny or Dina or Ethan or Joyce or….

    HECK, let’s turn Ruth’s floor meeting into a giant support group! Who’s with me?

    1. cricricri13

      I somehow feel that was a really, really bad gravatar for that comment :p

  72. That guy

    While the lyrics don’t entirely fit, Amber has left me with “Broken” by Pantera for through my head.

  73. Adam Black

    Danny’s right.

    I think we are over-sensitized to Amber’s pain, and forget that this is a routine occurrence.

    As the audience we’ve seen this over and over , And know its merely the changeover to Amazi-girl.

    ‘Danny kisses amber and triggers her to become Amazi-girl’
    Seems almost rational and routine, everyone shrugs their shoulders.
    ( The only downside I see is that she has a recent head-injury. Also maybe glass in her butt . Seriously, ever try to pick out tiny shards ? They can get lodged for weeks!)

    Willis shows us the Red-Background Triggered -Traumas that Amber suppresses to be Amazi-girl , and the audience freaks out, like theyve never seen it before.

    Its just like the explosion that turns Diana Prince into WonderWoman ( Linda Carter series ) only composed of controlled and channelled Social Anxieties , turned up 11. You stand too close to an explosion , and your hair catches fire. But the world need WonderWoman, and Michael jackson can afford a wig .

    Dannys going to have to learn all Ambers triggers.
    But other than , his cluelessness, calmness, and detachment are features in this relationship, not bugs. If hes going to date her he cant get sucked into the Drama , and still be good for her .

    ( yes Amazigirl puts herself in Danger , but shes never put a vehicle shes on on front of a tractor trailer )

  74. rachel

    sorry prime, for reference http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/sorry/ 🙁

  75. Rokku

    So, Amber needs in-patient psychiatric treatment.

    Honestly, probably like half (maybe more) of the cast needs out patient at LEAST.

  76. Eric

    This girl has serious issues, and she looks to be degenerating towards a breakdown of some kind.

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