“…Eventually I agreed to meet him for lunch. He asked me to wear a red hat to our date because he couldn’t remember what I looked like. I was a tall, slender blonde with waist-long hair in 501 button-fly jeans and cowboy boots (not beautiful, but hard to miss). But he didn’t remember that. He only remembered how I made him feel (funny, important, interesting). …
He’s probably had a really complicated life, and is aware of Linda’s flaws. Think about being a mixed-race couple in the 70s-80s or potentially earlier. There’s probably a lot of emotional stuff mixed-in with the obvious racial bigotry stuff. If anyone is going to understand “this person is willing to go to bat vs. the family, for you” it’s him.
Uly
Given that this comic runs in the eternal present, they weren’t a young couple in the 70s or 80s. They were *born* then.
Pickman
Or maybe, just maybe, he is a huge Transformers fan.
I can’t speak on marriages but I feel like saying inflammatory stuff in front of your already emotionally agitated wife is a quick trip to divorce town. Not saying it’s right or wrong to contradict her behind her back instead of to her face, in front of their kids, just that it’s probably smarter if he still cares about her.
Angel
Sometimes you gotta pick your battles i guess, marriages should be about compromising, but i would think he’d still care enough about his kids to eventually take their side publicly
Archieve
Haven’t seen Charles ever compromise with Linda, is always going along with her.
JRivest
Probably presents a united front in company, then in private proceeds to try and talk her down. He certainly appears to be the more reasonable and diplomatic of the two.
Archieve
As nice as that would be we have never seen evidence of this.
Archieve
I think it’s more stuff like going along with making up a excuse to ditch Walky and Lucy for lunch that makes Charles complacency toxic. He’s polite to people’s faces but it never translates to action. Kind of wish Walky called Charles out on that, his assurance rings hollow here.
As far as we’ve seen, he hasn’t even had the inclination to pull *Sal* aside and speak to her like an adult, despite the fact that Linda has repeatedly treated Sal much, much worse than this, so still shitty to me. Possibly makes me think he’s *more* shitty, considering—IIRC—the only time he’s ever spoken to Sal one-on-one he was lamenting the state of her natural hair. He clearly picks favorites as readily as Linda does, he’s just less overt about it.
Sadly, this. I have sympathy for Charles. I think he’s brow-beaten and feels he can’t speak up, but still wants to give encouragement in his own way so as to not let their kids go entirely without love or understanding. But he’s also stood by – or argued and failed – in any case, allowed, Sal to grow up barely knowing her parents and being treated as third to Walky’s best friend in child ranking terms, Walky to be totally unsupported with his obvious focus issues, and both of them to basically discard half their heritage. He also seems to have been swayed by Linda’s views on their kids and what they have to do to be acceptable, in many ways, if not just internalising those views totally. He’s an enabler until proven otherwise in my eyes.
Los
She robbed a grocery store at knife point….. that kind of moves them into extreme parenting territory that makes it difficult for any parent to know the best way to proceed. Willis points out that they felt that they had to take extreme measures to course correct at that point. Im kind of curious why so many people are so quick to condemn them given that Sal herself doesnt seem to hold it against them.
zee
It’s less that they sent her to boarding school -that was reasonable given the circumstances- more that they basically cut her off from the family during that time. At the beginning of the comic Walky either implied or outright said he hadn’t seen her in five years. Extreme measures were necessary but she was 13, and healing from a traumatic injury. She needed her family at that time and it sounds like Chuck and Linda made no effort to support her. If that isn’t internalizable for a child as “we don’t love you anymore” then I don’t know what is. Yes they kept her out of jail, but they also kept her out of her own family
Also it was a gas station convenience store, not a grocery store.
BBCC
And had they not treated her like shit for thirteen years that wouldn’t have happened.
Proxiehunter
Had one particular person not stolen all her money she saved up for a friends operation that wouldn’t have happened.
It could also mean that he just thought her hair looked better straight. I mean, he’s black so I don’t think it was a racial thing with him.
Angel
Well there is still racism and colorism within the black community as well. I think she looked fine with either but unfortunately there’s also been times where ppl have gotten backlash for ‘natural’ black hair not looking ‘professional’ enough in an office setting (tho i doubt sal would settle down into some office job unless it’s some indie artsy hippie thing where you can do/wear whatevery ou want more or elss)
Regina phalange
Even if that’s the case (and I don’t think it is—in the words of Jennifer, “it’s not like being mixed is a get-out-of-racism-free card”), it’s still an incredibly shitty thing to say to your kid. “Oh, you’re doing that with your hair/clothes/style? Shame, you looked prettier the way it was before.”
Mark
Right, nobody is allowed to have an opinion of the way anybody else presents himself. Shocking!
thejeff
Nope.
Not when it’s your kid, they don’t ask and it’s the first thing you say the first time you see them after they go to college (Or maybe longer).
At the very least, don’t be surprised when they then take the excuse of a hair appointment to blow you off.
And that’s without all the fraught racial politics around black women’s hair.
Uly
Most of us learned in kindergarten that just because you have an opinion, that doesn’t mean you need to share it. Perhaps you were out sick that day.
zee
I lose years of my life every time I see someone say this. Colorism is as prevalent as racism, for Christ’s sake
Uly
It’s almost like we’re all swimming in the same toxic muck, and we’re *all* exposed.
Uly
I mean, he’s black so I don’t think it was a racial thing with him.
That is 100% not how it works even a little bit at all.
If the second was the case then that’s still shitty since for all he knew she was trying something else out, and Charles has to know she’s had it done since she was a kid.
@ MisterJinKC – That comment can’t be divorced from the context of how black people’s natural hair is treated, intent or not.
I feel like there’s a lot going on there and while it cannot be divorced from the racial elements, I think there’s something to be said for how Charles probably associates Sal’s straightened hair with when she was younger, and before his little cowgirl, from his perspective, went down a dark path.
Now, does he regard Sal’s natural hair as a reminder of that time? She was apparently letting it revert, as a reminder. Or does his internalized racism actually see it as a warning sign like the smoking and staying out late? Honestly, probably a little of both, IMHO.
It’s not fair, he shouldn’t have said it, and he’s really not acknowledging the role Linda had in forcing her in that direction, but I can at least get it.
BBCC
We know her hair wasn’t straightened when Marcie was first being picked on by Leland, but it was when Leland disabled her when they were 12. The robbery was a year later and her hair was curly again. That’s a very brief period of time for him to remember her with straight hair and to associate her curly hair with her misbehaving.
I wrote basically an essay about this a week or two back and I’m not gonna retype all that so, tl;dr “your hair is prettier straight” is an extremely loaded statement in the black community with years of history, oppression, and internalized racism imposed by colonial society (or pre civil rights movement for the US). Its on the same level of You Just Dont Say That as “aw, you looked prettier before you gained weight”
thejeff
Hair is always political – though black woman’s hair is more obviously so.
Think of the discourse here about Becky getting her “lesbian haircut” and Ross’s “your hair is your womanhood” bit.
Personally while I appreciate the sentiment of “don’t date someone just because they’re who Linda would like” I can’t divorce that from the context of the hair comment (and with it, the fact that Charles has some internalized bias himself) and the fact that Lucy is black and Amber is white.
Like. There’s layers to this and I have to admit I’m conflicted.
Same. Even if that is exactly how it’s meant to be seen, I just can’t see this with totally good intentions. In the end he’s still kinda getting exactly what he wanted for Walky.
In many ways, that’s actually the thrust of this whole arc–Walky and Sal’s parents, as bad as they are in some ways, are more complicated than the caricatures of Blaine and Toedad. They’re human beings and, for all their faults, it can legitimately be said that they are actually trying to be good parents (even when it’s obvious that they have no clue how to do that).
Charles and Linda are both people, good and bad, even if Linda’s certainly the easier person to hate. Both do care about their kids, but Charles is definitely the one more like Walky and warmer with the kids.
Of course, that last line is telling, too. I wonder if he’s told himself the same about Linda, that Linda’s stuck her neck out for him and that’s why he doesn’t shrink away from her shittier aspects.
My read is that Lucy absolutely nailed it in assuming that Charles would windmill high-five Walky if they’d gone with the plan of presenting as a polycule with Lucy and Amber.
Sometimes when you don’t see someone important to you for a while, you work up the courage to say something you feel like you have to say to them beforehand, and then put that statement into context after you actually hit the ground. Sometimes that means realizing that your son is under a lot of pressure to live up to other peoples’ expectations—especially yours and his moms—and so you get ready to tell him something about how he should do what makes him happy. Then he shows up with his weird girlfriend who makes a bad impression and seems to feel like he has to defend in front of you.
Well, it’s pretty obvious in that situation how to carry out operation supportive nonjudgmental father…
Is it possible that Charles didn’t actually mean anything with his hair comment other than “I know that’s what you usually do with your hair and I want to be supportive of what you like”? I mean, she was wearing her catholic school outfit at the time, he didn’t know the hair was coincidental, he might have been trying to hint at her he’s fine with whatever (just like he’s doing now)?
I dunno. Seems like she started straightening her hair so her parents would like her better. At least, from her POV
Masumi
I’m aware that’s the general consensus around here, and it’s a logical conclusion, but do we have proof of that?
Case in point: The entire rest of Sal’s appearance at university isn’t exactly “parent approval optimized”. And on parent weekend, she scheduled her hair appointment for AFTER she met her parents, when she probably could’ve done things the other way around with fairly little trouble.
And, if that is indeed the reason Sal straightens her hair – would Charles be aware? Maybe she did it to appease her mum and her dad is just blissfully unaware.
Regina phalange
My interpretation of Sal’s hair appointment scheduling was that she scheduled it for a time when she would otherwise have been expected to hang out with her parents. Like, she was trying to bail on them and used her hair as an excuse because she thought it would be important to them that she “fix” it (when she brought it up, she similarly leaned on the fact that they like it when she’s punctual or keeps her appointments or something like that). I think it’s pretty clear that she only straightened her hair out of parental/societal pressure to look whiter—whether that pressure was intentionally inflicted or something she perceived—and that episode was a turning point for her where she decided she would rather look like herself than what she thought her parents wanted her to be (she stopped wearing the Catholic schoolgirl clothes around them at that point too).
Speaking of proof, though, I think it’s worth noting that we’ve seen nothing to suggest Sal’s hair straightening was about her mother. Linda didn’t seem to give one solitary crap about Sal’s hair (or Sal, in that moment, but that’s a whole other mess), and we’ve never seen her comment on it. We’ve only seen Charles comment on Sal’s hair. Also worth noting that when Sal talked to Walky about the racism in their family, she pinned it on *both* their parents without singling out Linda, despite the fact that we’ve seen more conflict between Sal and Linda in flashbacks. Idk why people are so eager to give Charles a pass.
thejeff
I agree that she absolutely scheduled the hair appointment to have an excuse to bail. I also think that if they hadn’t reacted the way she was expecting them to, she would have blown off the hair appointment instead.
That was actually the only time we’ve seen the Catholic schoolgirl outfit – though they probably saw it if they visited her in boarding school.
Masumi
Yeah, good points…
Dunno, for me it’s just that Charles’ potential situation kinda reminds me of my dad, who is a really decent human being as long as he’s not around my mother – then he just tries to not get on her bad side. She’s always been abusive to him, too – but the difference between us was that I could count the years till I’m finally 18 and able to move out, and he has given up on finding a life for himself a long time ago.
So, yeah, Charles might be indeed an ass in his own right, but for the time being I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I also totally get why other people don’t.
I don’t think it is possible. He had limited contact with her while she was in Tennessee and so he can’t know that’s how she did her hair. We’ve only seen her with straight hair during the time Marcie was attacked when she was 12 and it was curly again by the time she was 13. Every time before that we see her with curly hair. If anything, his ‘usual’ for Sal would be curly hair.
And well….intent doesn’t divorce his comment from the context of how black people’s natural hair is treated by society. It’s a racist comment whether he means it as one or not.
Given Sal talks about both their parents being racist and told Amber she envies her ability to reject her dad’s claim over her, I’m not inclined to be so charitable to Charles.
No. If you have two parents who are married to each other, and they have *stayed married*, then if one is an asshole parent, they both are.
Kelibath
I’d go even further and say that, even if they stayed married for alleged home stability or other reasons, it should still be obvious if the other parent is *actively trying to undo the damage* the first one causes. They might be deluded that the AH’s behaviour isn’t a constant, irrational or unchangeable thing, for example, but still indefatigably defend the kids from criticism despite that and constantly shut such things down. And they’d still basically be allowing harm to happen in that case. But they may not end up a full enabler, or eventual departure or at least pressure caused by that threat on the AH parent to change may still be in the works. Possible shades of grey.
This is *not* what we have seen from Charles. He has acted til the above strip as a full enabler – whether bullied into it himself or not. He seems to buy into what Linda insists on about their children and to see her and him as a team despite their disagreements. At best, that is. At best he shores their kids up in private after Linda tears them and/or him down, and he still allowed one to be sent away. He might believe he’s doing his best for them, but I agree, they would have been better off if he’d been willing to stand up for their health and happiness and moved out a long time ago.
Uly
Sure, I can get behind that, and I’ll retract my own statement enough to allow that people who are the victim of abuse may not be able to leave (or may not feel able to leave safely, which is much the same thing).
I don’t think that applies to Charles either. He’s just an enabler.
pope suburban
I concur. My mom was and remains a monster. My dad had and still has the means to leave. He did not, and broadly failed to protect me at all when I was a child. He wasn’t the one hitting me or telling me he’d get a second job (unnecessary) just to get rid of me by shipping me off to school, but he was the adult with the knowledge and power to spare us both. His failure moves him squarely into asshole territory. Though I guess he’s going to serious therapy now, at least some of which is probably dealing with the residual catholic guilt that factored into him staying, so change may be possible. It certainly is possible as a broad concept; people can always learn and do better if they put in the work. But I don’t think we’ve seen that with the twins’ dad yet, so…two asshole parents.
I mean, Danny was of author avatar, but maybe intentionally we haven’t had a whole lot of detail on his parents except that both Dorothy and Danny’s parents may be kinda creampuff people, so that’s pretty good anyway, but may also be because dumbiverse Dorothy and Danny backgrounds are not as developed for the dumbiverse, but also because it kinda makes sense to be done that way, not everyone has to have a lot going on with their parents.
Schpoonman
Danny’s parents spent most of their appearance over FFW putting him down. They’re not as overtly evil as Linda or Carol, but Danny’s self-esteem issues likely started with them.
341 thoughts on “Ear-reach”
Ana Chronistic
The best thing I’ve heard (recently, anyway) was
“…Eventually I agreed to meet him for lunch. He asked me to wear a red hat to our date because he couldn’t remember what I looked like. I was a tall, slender blonde with waist-long hair in 501 button-fly jeans and cowboy boots (not beautiful, but hard to miss). But he didn’t remember that. He only remembered how I made him feel (funny, important, interesting). …
You don’t want the sexy guy, or the guy with money. You want a happy, hard-working adult who respects you. You want the guy (like my guy) who will fly 7,000 miles in economy class for a lunch date with a woman he’s not sure he’ll recognize because she makes him happy.”
So yeah, million fish in the sea, but not all of them will bring you lasagna to work. Or hack your grades for profit.
Skorpeyon
That Clerks line pops into my head every time in situations like this.
Animedingo
I think that last line just bluescreened my head
UrsulaDavina
Spinning beach ball of death for me.
Chronos
I’m so confused by this man. I just can’t read him at all.
Delavan
He’s probably had a really complicated life, and is aware of Linda’s flaws. Think about being a mixed-race couple in the 70s-80s or potentially earlier. There’s probably a lot of emotional stuff mixed-in with the obvious racial bigotry stuff. If anyone is going to understand “this person is willing to go to bat vs. the family, for you” it’s him.
Uly
Given that this comic runs in the eternal present, they weren’t a young couple in the 70s or 80s. They were *born* then.
Pickman
Or maybe, just maybe, he is a huge Transformers fan.
Yet_One_More_Idiot
Walky: Would you die for me?
Amber: …I’d kill for you – does that count?
Walky: Um….
Sirksome
Wait, what is our read on Charles now? I remember the days he was just as big an asshole as Linda for the Sal’s hair comment. Who is this man??
Thag Simmons
Chuck is a land of contrasts
Stu
Yeah, it’s almost like people are complex rather than just archetypes!
Alongcameaspider
As long as he doesn’t have the spine to say stuff like this in front of Linda he’s still shitty to me, just ever so slightly less so
Sirksome
I can’t speak on marriages but I feel like saying inflammatory stuff in front of your already emotionally agitated wife is a quick trip to divorce town. Not saying it’s right or wrong to contradict her behind her back instead of to her face, in front of their kids, just that it’s probably smarter if he still cares about her.
Angel
Sometimes you gotta pick your battles i guess, marriages should be about compromising, but i would think he’d still care enough about his kids to eventually take their side publicly
Archieve
Haven’t seen Charles ever compromise with Linda, is always going along with her.
JRivest
Probably presents a united front in company, then in private proceeds to try and talk her down. He certainly appears to be the more reasonable and diplomatic of the two.
Archieve
As nice as that would be we have never seen evidence of this.
Archieve
I think it’s more stuff like going along with making up a excuse to ditch Walky and Lucy for lunch that makes Charles complacency toxic. He’s polite to people’s faces but it never translates to action. Kind of wish Walky called Charles out on that, his assurance rings hollow here.
Bryy
And as SOON as Walky brought up Lucy, he defaulted back to Linda’s Accomplice.
Regina phalange
As far as we’ve seen, he hasn’t even had the inclination to pull *Sal* aside and speak to her like an adult, despite the fact that Linda has repeatedly treated Sal much, much worse than this, so still shitty to me. Possibly makes me think he’s *more* shitty, considering—IIRC—the only time he’s ever spoken to Sal one-on-one he was lamenting the state of her natural hair. He clearly picks favorites as readily as Linda does, he’s just less overt about it.
Kelibath
Sadly, this. I have sympathy for Charles. I think he’s brow-beaten and feels he can’t speak up, but still wants to give encouragement in his own way so as to not let their kids go entirely without love or understanding. But he’s also stood by – or argued and failed – in any case, allowed, Sal to grow up barely knowing her parents and being treated as third to Walky’s best friend in child ranking terms, Walky to be totally unsupported with his obvious focus issues, and both of them to basically discard half their heritage. He also seems to have been swayed by Linda’s views on their kids and what they have to do to be acceptable, in many ways, if not just internalising those views totally. He’s an enabler until proven otherwise in my eyes.
Los
She robbed a grocery store at knife point….. that kind of moves them into extreme parenting territory that makes it difficult for any parent to know the best way to proceed. Willis points out that they felt that they had to take extreme measures to course correct at that point. Im kind of curious why so many people are so quick to condemn them given that Sal herself doesnt seem to hold it against them.
zee
It’s less that they sent her to boarding school -that was reasonable given the circumstances- more that they basically cut her off from the family during that time. At the beginning of the comic Walky either implied or outright said he hadn’t seen her in five years. Extreme measures were necessary but she was 13, and healing from a traumatic injury. She needed her family at that time and it sounds like Chuck and Linda made no effort to support her. If that isn’t internalizable for a child as “we don’t love you anymore” then I don’t know what is. Yes they kept her out of jail, but they also kept her out of her own family
Also it was a gas station convenience store, not a grocery store.
BBCC
And had they not treated her like shit for thirteen years that wouldn’t have happened.
Proxiehunter
Had one particular person not stolen all her money she saved up for a friends operation that wouldn’t have happened.
Segnosaur
Here is the comic strip regarding the ‘hair’ comment (in particular how Sal’s hair was curly after being straight for a long time)…
I may be in the minority here, but I felt his comments about Sal’s hair could be interpreted in different ways:
– Saying she looked “prettier” with straight hair could be a sort of racial thing (i.e. she looks better with her air in a “white” hair style)
– He thought she had a certain pride in her hair before, and was disappointed that she was giving that up
MisterJinKC
It could also mean that he just thought her hair looked better straight. I mean, he’s black so I don’t think it was a racial thing with him.
Angel
Well there is still racism and colorism within the black community as well. I think she looked fine with either but unfortunately there’s also been times where ppl have gotten backlash for ‘natural’ black hair not looking ‘professional’ enough in an office setting (tho i doubt sal would settle down into some office job unless it’s some indie artsy hippie thing where you can do/wear whatevery ou want more or elss)
Regina phalange
Even if that’s the case (and I don’t think it is—in the words of Jennifer, “it’s not like being mixed is a get-out-of-racism-free card”), it’s still an incredibly shitty thing to say to your kid. “Oh, you’re doing that with your hair/clothes/style? Shame, you looked prettier the way it was before.”
Mark
Right, nobody is allowed to have an opinion of the way anybody else presents himself. Shocking!
thejeff
Nope.
Not when it’s your kid, they don’t ask and it’s the first thing you say the first time you see them after they go to college (Or maybe longer).
At the very least, don’t be surprised when they then take the excuse of a hair appointment to blow you off.
And that’s without all the fraught racial politics around black women’s hair.
Uly
Most of us learned in kindergarten that just because you have an opinion, that doesn’t mean you need to share it. Perhaps you were out sick that day.
zee
I lose years of my life every time I see someone say this. Colorism is as prevalent as racism, for Christ’s sake
Uly
It’s almost like we’re all swimming in the same toxic muck, and we’re *all* exposed.
Uly
I mean, he’s black so I don’t think it was a racial thing with him.
That is 100% not how it works even a little bit at all.
BBCC
If the second was the case then that’s still shitty since for all he knew she was trying something else out, and Charles has to know she’s had it done since she was a kid.
@ MisterJinKC – That comment can’t be divorced from the context of how black people’s natural hair is treated, intent or not.
Bysmerian
I feel like there’s a lot going on there and while it cannot be divorced from the racial elements, I think there’s something to be said for how Charles probably associates Sal’s straightened hair with when she was younger, and before his little cowgirl, from his perspective, went down a dark path.
Now, does he regard Sal’s natural hair as a reminder of that time? She was apparently letting it revert, as a reminder. Or does his internalized racism actually see it as a warning sign like the smoking and staying out late? Honestly, probably a little of both, IMHO.
It’s not fair, he shouldn’t have said it, and he’s really not acknowledging the role Linda had in forcing her in that direction, but I can at least get it.
BBCC
We know her hair wasn’t straightened when Marcie was first being picked on by Leland, but it was when Leland disabled her when they were 12. The robbery was a year later and her hair was curly again. That’s a very brief period of time for him to remember her with straight hair and to associate her curly hair with her misbehaving.
zee
I wrote basically an essay about this a week or two back and I’m not gonna retype all that so, tl;dr “your hair is prettier straight” is an extremely loaded statement in the black community with years of history, oppression, and internalized racism imposed by colonial society (or pre civil rights movement for the US). Its on the same level of You Just Dont Say That as “aw, you looked prettier before you gained weight”
thejeff
Hair is always political – though black woman’s hair is more obviously so.
Think of the discourse here about Becky getting her “lesbian haircut” and Ross’s “your hair is your womanhood” bit.
Regalli
Personally while I appreciate the sentiment of “don’t date someone just because they’re who Linda would like” I can’t divorce that from the context of the hair comment (and with it, the fact that Charles has some internalized bias himself) and the fact that Lucy is black and Amber is white.
Like. There’s layers to this and I have to admit I’m conflicted.
NGPZ
Oooooh I forgot about the whole hair comment, thanks for the reminder 😮
Yeah in any case I feel real bad for Charles, Linda be keeping him in the Sunken Place ?
BBCC
^ That. I doubt he means it that way but unconscious bias is a helluva drug.
NGPZ
Get out Walky!!! Get out!!! GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!!! ?
bleepbloop
Same. Even if that is exactly how it’s meant to be seen, I just can’t see this with totally good intentions. In the end he’s still kinda getting exactly what he wanted for Walky.
Laura
Those were my thoughts exactly.
Freemage
In many ways, that’s actually the thrust of this whole arc–Walky and Sal’s parents, as bad as they are in some ways, are more complicated than the caricatures of Blaine and Toedad. They’re human beings and, for all their faults, it can legitimately be said that they are actually trying to be good parents (even when it’s obvious that they have no clue how to do that).
eskimolos
100% this
Mark
+1
Jamie
An enabler.
DailyBrad
Charles and Linda are both people, good and bad, even if Linda’s certainly the easier person to hate. Both do care about their kids, but Charles is definitely the one more like Walky and warmer with the kids.
Of course, that last line is telling, too. I wonder if he’s told himself the same about Linda, that Linda’s stuck her neck out for him and that’s why he doesn’t shrink away from her shittier aspects.
Seregiel
Awwww, nail on the head there. And I don’t like it.
ANeM
My read is that Lucy absolutely nailed it in assuming that Charles would windmill high-five Walky if they’d gone with the plan of presenting as a polycule with Lucy and Amber.
Ray Radlein
Oh, I think the fuckpile comment demonstrated that
Paradoxius
Sometimes when you don’t see someone important to you for a while, you work up the courage to say something you feel like you have to say to them beforehand, and then put that statement into context after you actually hit the ground. Sometimes that means realizing that your son is under a lot of pressure to live up to other peoples’ expectations—especially yours and his moms—and so you get ready to tell him something about how he should do what makes him happy. Then he shows up with his weird girlfriend who makes a bad impression and seems to feel like he has to defend in front of you.
Well, it’s pretty obvious in that situation how to carry out operation supportive nonjudgmental father…
Masumi
Is it possible that Charles didn’t actually mean anything with his hair comment other than “I know that’s what you usually do with your hair and I want to be supportive of what you like”? I mean, she was wearing her catholic school outfit at the time, he didn’t know the hair was coincidental, he might have been trying to hint at her he’s fine with whatever (just like he’s doing now)?
Laura
I dunno. Seems like she started straightening her hair so her parents would like her better. At least, from her POV
Masumi
I’m aware that’s the general consensus around here, and it’s a logical conclusion, but do we have proof of that?
Case in point: The entire rest of Sal’s appearance at university isn’t exactly “parent approval optimized”. And on parent weekend, she scheduled her hair appointment for AFTER she met her parents, when she probably could’ve done things the other way around with fairly little trouble.
And, if that is indeed the reason Sal straightens her hair – would Charles be aware? Maybe she did it to appease her mum and her dad is just blissfully unaware.
Regina phalange
My interpretation of Sal’s hair appointment scheduling was that she scheduled it for a time when she would otherwise have been expected to hang out with her parents. Like, she was trying to bail on them and used her hair as an excuse because she thought it would be important to them that she “fix” it (when she brought it up, she similarly leaned on the fact that they like it when she’s punctual or keeps her appointments or something like that). I think it’s pretty clear that she only straightened her hair out of parental/societal pressure to look whiter—whether that pressure was intentionally inflicted or something she perceived—and that episode was a turning point for her where she decided she would rather look like herself than what she thought her parents wanted her to be (she stopped wearing the Catholic schoolgirl clothes around them at that point too).
Speaking of proof, though, I think it’s worth noting that we’ve seen nothing to suggest Sal’s hair straightening was about her mother. Linda didn’t seem to give one solitary crap about Sal’s hair (or Sal, in that moment, but that’s a whole other mess), and we’ve never seen her comment on it. We’ve only seen Charles comment on Sal’s hair. Also worth noting that when Sal talked to Walky about the racism in their family, she pinned it on *both* their parents without singling out Linda, despite the fact that we’ve seen more conflict between Sal and Linda in flashbacks. Idk why people are so eager to give Charles a pass.
thejeff
I agree that she absolutely scheduled the hair appointment to have an excuse to bail. I also think that if they hadn’t reacted the way she was expecting them to, she would have blown off the hair appointment instead.
That was actually the only time we’ve seen the Catholic schoolgirl outfit – though they probably saw it if they visited her in boarding school.
Masumi
Yeah, good points…
Dunno, for me it’s just that Charles’ potential situation kinda reminds me of my dad, who is a really decent human being as long as he’s not around my mother – then he just tries to not get on her bad side. She’s always been abusive to him, too – but the difference between us was that I could count the years till I’m finally 18 and able to move out, and he has given up on finding a life for himself a long time ago.
So, yeah, Charles might be indeed an ass in his own right, but for the time being I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I also totally get why other people don’t.
BBCC
I don’t think it is possible. He had limited contact with her while she was in Tennessee and so he can’t know that’s how she did her hair. We’ve only seen her with straight hair during the time Marcie was attacked when she was 12 and it was curly again by the time she was 13. Every time before that we see her with curly hair. If anything, his ‘usual’ for Sal would be curly hair.
And well….intent doesn’t divorce his comment from the context of how black people’s natural hair is treated by society. It’s a racist comment whether he means it as one or not.
Given Sal talks about both their parents being racist and told Amber she envies her ability to reject her dad’s claim over her, I’m not inclined to be so charitable to Charles.
ESM
For all the jokes about asshole parents in DoA, people only actually have one (1) asshole parent at most in this comic.
Uly
No. If you have two parents who are married to each other, and they have *stayed married*, then if one is an asshole parent, they both are.
Kelibath
I’d go even further and say that, even if they stayed married for alleged home stability or other reasons, it should still be obvious if the other parent is *actively trying to undo the damage* the first one causes. They might be deluded that the AH’s behaviour isn’t a constant, irrational or unchangeable thing, for example, but still indefatigably defend the kids from criticism despite that and constantly shut such things down. And they’d still basically be allowing harm to happen in that case. But they may not end up a full enabler, or eventual departure or at least pressure caused by that threat on the AH parent to change may still be in the works. Possible shades of grey.
This is *not* what we have seen from Charles. He has acted til the above strip as a full enabler – whether bullied into it himself or not. He seems to buy into what Linda insists on about their children and to see her and him as a team despite their disagreements. At best, that is. At best he shores their kids up in private after Linda tears them and/or him down, and he still allowed one to be sent away. He might believe he’s doing his best for them, but I agree, they would have been better off if he’d been willing to stand up for their health and happiness and moved out a long time ago.
Uly
Sure, I can get behind that, and I’ll retract my own statement enough to allow that people who are the victim of abuse may not be able to leave (or may not feel able to leave safely, which is much the same thing).
I don’t think that applies to Charles either. He’s just an enabler.
pope suburban
I concur. My mom was and remains a monster. My dad had and still has the means to leave. He did not, and broadly failed to protect me at all when I was a child. He wasn’t the one hitting me or telling me he’d get a second job (unnecessary) just to get rid of me by shipping me off to school, but he was the adult with the knowledge and power to spare us both. His failure moves him squarely into asshole territory. Though I guess he’s going to serious therapy now, at least some of which is probably dealing with the residual catholic guilt that factored into him staying, so change may be possible. It certainly is possible as a broad concept; people can always learn and do better if they put in the work. But I don’t think we’ve seen that with the twins’ dad yet, so…two asshole parents.
adam Black
Hes the dad of the former author avatar.Moms the Villainess, Dad is better but goes along.
Same as Joyce but less evil.
Or Ethans.
Unsure if Danny fits the author avatar pattern.
eskimolos
I mean, Danny was of author avatar, but maybe intentionally we haven’t had a whole lot of detail on his parents except that both Dorothy and Danny’s parents may be kinda creampuff people, so that’s pretty good anyway, but may also be because dumbiverse Dorothy and Danny backgrounds are not as developed for the dumbiverse, but also because it kinda makes sense to be done that way, not everyone has to have a lot going on with their parents.
Schpoonman
Danny’s parents spent most of their appearance over FFW putting him down. They’re not as overtly evil as Linda or Carol, but Danny’s self-esteem issues likely started with them.
tbf