163

Joycespeak
Posted on June 23, 2014 by David M Willis

163 thoughts on “Joycespeak”

  1. Jen Aside

    “31 Flavours of Walky”

    1. NCP19

      Try them all!

      1. JessWitt

        I’ll pass on the McNuggets and butt taco flavors, tyvm.

        1. cesium133

          And especially the Pup Pup Pup Pup flavor.

        2. Emily

          I’d taste his McNuggets.

        3. RevenantBacon

          You know that’s right!

        4. gwalla

          Appropriate gravatar is appropriate.

    2. cesium133

      Billie’s flavors all involve liquor, at least according to Ruth.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        If they didn’t break up Ruth would certainly lick her. 😀

      2. Yotomoe

        Joyce’s flavor is Extra Virgin olive oil. Ethan’s flavor is probably mahagony or whatever closet doors are made of.

        1. Arkadi

          Extra virgin olive oil actually has a rich, intense flavour. It tastes a lot more like Sal than Joyce, contradictory as that may sound XD

        2. -Sentinel-

          No, Sal tastes bitter… like that beer she and her friends bought last night.

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      How many scoops do you want? 😀

    4. MrMyerst

      50 shades of generically beige?

    5. Catullus

      Walkerton: 57 Varieties

  2. Juliecat

    Walky is pralines & cream

    1. Spectre

      What? Not caramel?

      This changes everything.

      1. Jay Eff

        I always figured Walky tastes like Gravy.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          No, not gravy, ketchup or at least his shirts do.

    2. Averien

      Walky is clearly Oreo in flavor.

      Just ask Sal.

      1. Areios

        Sal, on the other hand, is Rocky Road. Vroom, vroom!

    3. Willoughby Chase

      Butt taco isn’t a flavour?

  3. Gigafreak

    I was kind of wondering if she’d ever find this out. Well then!

  4. Mr. Random

    She was. I didn’t know there were that many flavors that could be used to describe q person.

    1. Yotomoe

      I am chocolate. Cuz my skin is brown and I can make you feel happy but too much of me at once and you’ll start to get sick of me PRETTY quick.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I see myself as a blend of baci and banana.

      2. Mangulwort

        I am Vanilla because my skin is white I hang around old people and you’ll start to get bored with me pretty quick.

        1. StClair

          Eggnog here. Pale with reddish-brown sprinkles.

        2. lightsabermario

          I’m gelato. AKA Italian ice cream! Have you ever had any Italian ice cream in you?

        3. gwalla

          Gelato’s not a flavor.

          Maybe you’re spumoni?

        4. Poskie

          Being Puerto Rican and Italian, does that make me rum-flavored gelato?

        5. Mr. Random

          I hear French Vanilla is pretty good, but I haven’t had it yet.

      3. JessWitt

        Unless you are my brother. In his case, he’s not fond of chocolate to begin with.

        1. Mangulwort

          Does your brother like to talk about the rise and fall of the Persian empire? (And I mean the Sasanian Empire).

      4. Chris

        Coconut, for just too many reasons.

        1. Mangulwort

          http://c0389161.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/dyn/str_strip/238409.full.gif

        2. Chris

          🙂 Make that “too many reasons” + 1.

  5. Yotomoe

    “Actually, Yeah Billie.Now that you mention it, Your advice IS kind of trite.”

    1. newllend

      On the grounds that your advice hasn’t even helped you.

  6. Tacdud2

    Baskin Walky.

    1. Gigafreak

      Leslie wants to Bask In Robin.

      1. ShaggyDonahugh

        10/10

      2. Ocbrad1

        #COTD

  7. Plasma Mongoose

    Poor Billie, ever since she left highschool, she has pretty much failed on a memetastic level.

    1. chris73

      She has more self-awareness then most of the others around her so thats got to count for something

      1. Dorje Sylas

        Self-awareness is like diagnosing directory damage in a computer. Sure the computer knows its fucked up, but can’t fix itself while its running. Gotta get a second computer to come in a do the fixing, same with people. No matter how fucked up you know you are, you need some else there for you.

    2. -Sentinel-

      She managed to get Ruth to crush on her, but now Ruth only wants to crush her.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        If only there were like buttons, I would so LIKEd that reply.

      2. Deanatay

        Hatred and love are the same feeling (passion), with different thoughts behind them.

        1. begbert2

          Hatred is to passion as happiness is to misery: they’re both emotions.

          And passion and love aren’t synonyms.

        2. kelticat

          I think Deanatay is saying that passion is a source emotion and that love and hate are two sides of the same passion coin. I can say that I’m passionate about war, but unless I say I love or hate it you can’t tell what I mean.

        3. begbert2

          I think he said that hatred and love are the same feeling (passion), with different thoughts behind them. They’re simply not. And “passion” is not a source emotion. “Passion” alone is read as shorthand for “passionate love” (NEVER as “passionate hate”), and when not used as shorthand, the word’s just an adjective. It means “the emotion under discussion is strongly felt.” And the intensity of the emotion isn’t the source of the emotion; that’s nonsensical.

          So yeah. The notion that hate and love are pretty much the same thing is nonsense. No matter how much the slash fiction writers wish that they were interchangeable.

        4. Nath99

          Ever heard of the term “I hate […] with a passion”, because I have, multiple times. Passion does not simply describe lovingly passionate, no. It describes a drive attached to an ideal.

        5. Laforet

          Quote “when not used as shorthand, the word’s just an adjective. It means “the emotion under discussion is strongly felt.” unquote.

          You just agreed with the aforementioned post.

  8. EvergreenFir

    Brown sugar

  9. Khaner

    Well, Billie, you DID get piss drunk. Is that a victory?

    1. Yotomoe

      I mean it’s hard to inebriate Urine but you somehow found a way.

    2. insomniac

      If so, I am William the goddamn Conqueror.

  10. tlaurence

    I really hope she gets some sort of social victory soon. She needs a boost to her self-esteem nearly as much as she and Ruth needs to kiss and make up. Literally, we hope.

    1. Yotomoe

      Maybe she should punch Marie.

      1. timemonkey

        Mary.

    2. Mangulwort

      She published junk in the newspaper.

      1. Historyman68

        She published photos of her junk in the newspaper? How did I miss that?

    3. newllend

      Her and Ruth make up and have a little fun?

  11. -Sentinel-

    Aww, poor Billie. 🙁

    1. tinfoil theory

      Maybe Joyce can cheer her up.

      (I doubt she will, but maybe she could.)

  12. MrSirk

    It’s only been a month?!…Anyway I’m sure Billie will rally…eventually.

  13. Spectre

    “Well… you haven’t Danned it up yet. Does that count as a victory?”

    1. AgentKeen

      Does Joyce even know Danny?

      …Wow, that is a weird sentence.

      1. Nono

        They very briefly met when Joe accosted Joyce and again at Galasso’s, but I don’t think they even got each other’s names.

    2. Yotomoe

      “I got turned down by Danny. That’s like…1000x worse than Danning it up.”

  14. Kernanator

    Billie, you are the dorm’s Psyduck.

    1. JessWitt

      The aptest metaphor, right here.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Makes even more sense since Psyduck often gets hit by an angry redhead.

      1. Kernanator

        Wait, but doesn’t that mean that Misty wants to…

        Yeah, I’m not gonna finish that thought.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          You don’t need to finish it, that’s what Rule 34 is for. 😛

        2. Ramba Ral

          Been there, done that.

        3. timemonkey

          But only after it evolves into Golduck. It’s sorta canon.

        4. Gigafreak

          Did you know that duck penises are corkscrew-shaped?
          They take their screwing very literally.

          The duck’s penis-to-bodylength ratio is also surprisingly enormous.
          They’re almost more dick than duck!

        5. Kernanator

          This is not the first time this fact has come up in the Dumbing of Age comments. I don’t even think it’s the second time.

          I don’t know what that says about us.

        6. The Candyman

          All conversations come back to duck penises. It’s only a matter of time.

        7. Gigafreak

          We love our swearing, our profanity, and our fowl language.

        8. Jen Aside

          The largest penis-to-body ratio is the barnacle. Srsly, it’s all dick.

  15. dailybrad

    It’s kind of interesting, I never considered that this is true, Billie is often trying to help people or helping them. She is kind of hitting a turning point in that she is seeing the huge limitations her behavior has put on her judgment, and how much that can cost her. She can grow or regress, but she can’t just stick in the same hole she dug for herself. She’s had a moment of clarity, as they call it.

    1. JessWitt

      Billie should take lessons from Mike. Also maybe start dating him too.

      1. Ikaru

        OMG….that would be….a very destructive relationship. I mean like, a nuke going off destructive. It would be interesting for sure. Neither would put up with the other’s shit at all….and they can both be brutally honest…scratch that. They both ARE brutally honest, like, all the time. Mike is just more observant.

        1. dailybrad

          Eh, Billie did a shitload of lying to Ruth, so she’s not always honest.

        2. Spider

          Yeah Sorry. Mike would eat her alive, and then if this storyline were to actually make any sense we’d have to have our first cannon suicide.

        3. Deathjavu

          Mike’s previous levels of Mike-ness are sort of OP for the Dumbingverse…it’s why he’s not exactly a main character here.

          I mean, someone with an almost omniscient level of knowledge about other people’s inner workings isn’t a great match for a comic about teenagers whose main problems revolve around not understanding themselves and others.

        4. Disloyal Subject

          Cannons would be a pretty sweet way to commit suicide. If you gotta go, might as well make it flashy.

  16. Ragnal

    “Great, next you’ll be telling me Sal isn’t Amazi-Girl.”

    “Billy, my dead grandmother can see she isn’t Amazi-Whoever.”

    1. Yotomoe

      “She can also see anytime I have a lewd thought. My dead grandmother is kinda omnipotent like that.”

  17. Wonder Wig

    He’s magically delicious.

    1. Yotomoe

      And How about that Amber? She’s Tragically Malicious!

      1. BL

        oh my god

      2. cesium133

        And Dorothy is Actively Ambitious!

        1. 3oranges

          Well, I can’t believe her mobility.
          Wait, I think I did that wrong.

        2. Deanatay

          Joyce is Religiously Fastidious!

        3. Deathjavu

          Billie is lush-iously lascivious!

          (I’m not sorry about that pun)

        4. CianM1301

          I would have gone for sacril-licious, but that works too.

      3. Karfsma778

        But can she see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

    2. Mangulwort

      “It’s the cinnamon sugar swirls in every bite!”

  18. newllend

    Billie has not been on a hot streak lately, besides Joyce I don’t think you have ANYTHING to worry about its not like Ethan thinks your attractive so he’s never going to make a move.

  19. Cattleprod

    I felt compelled to check the archives, and the first prolonged interaction between Walky, Dorothy, and Billie all together is roughly a year after Walky and Dorothy first meet. So yeah, they’d been flirting for a few days, but it totally slipped my mind that Billie would think she had reason to take ‘credit’ for them getting together. I really should do a read through.

    1. tinfoil theory

      She told Walky to chat up Dotty the night after they, unbeknownst to her, had already confessed their love for D&MM to each other. A “now kiss” gesture was involved. It proved super effective.

      …You are already reading through the archives, aren’t you?

      1. Gigafreak

        The moment in question.
        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/05-saturdays-all-right-for-slighting/genius/

  20. etybolik

    Hanners needs to let Joyce borrow that male android figure thing in her closet. Just leave her in a room with it for a week.

    1. Bill

      Who is Hanners?

      1. Lamachine

        From Questionable Content

      2. etybolik

        A character from Questionable Content. Yes I’m aware they’re separate comics and continuities. I care not.

        1. dailybrad

          Wonder what Hannelore would be like in this universe, one in which Faye’s father was alive and present with Faye and her mom in a little cameo once.

        2. Deanatay

          Like all characters in DoA, she’d essentially be the same personality and sexuality (neurotically asexual, in her case), but she’d be retconned to college age. She’d be stuck in a single dorm room (she’s too neurotic to have a roomie), where she’d spend all day cleaning.

        3. gwalla

          Jeph’s been pretty clear that Hannelore isn’t asexual. Being unable to touch people because of OCD fears of contamination is not the same thing.

      3. Loki

        See http://questionablecontent.net./view.php?comic=1010

  21. SilverArrowArtemis

    It comes to light. Now you have nothing, Billie. Nothing.

    1. Catullus

      You know nothing, Jennifer Billingsworth.

  22. Idon'tcarenomore

    Billie is self aware. That’s been noted, and its true. She knows herself and admits her failings…now she needs to move on changing them.
    Go talk to Ruth fool, tell her you know you’re a numbnuts and you want her help.

    Joyce …I’d go OMG…but that just doesn’t cover it. Smoochy smoochy stuff?
    Oh yeah.
    Somebody grab Ethan and Joyce and drag them to a Gay/Lesbian meeting; I know the Unitariarn church sponsers these meetings. They are open to people who have people in their lives that are gay or lesbian and encourage talking through their feelings and also give FACTS which Ethan and Joyce both badly need.

    I’m cinnamon. Because I like the flavor and it was a nickname when I was a kid…I’m a redhead.

    I like that pralines and cream for Walky…yeah better than caramel.

    1. timemonkey

      Billie isn’t quite self aware, she’s still pretending not to have a drinking problem.

      1. John

        Billie hasn’t got a drinking problem!

        She gets the booze into her mouth almost every time.

  23. Kevin

    Can Amber and Billie get in a depression-fueled lesbian hatefuck now?

  24. Rabid Rabbit

    Huh. And all of a sudden, Billie seems to have regained the verticality she had as a cheerleader. Bravo, Billie! At least, I assume “Barvo” as I assume this was one of your deepest dreams…

  25. Jonathan Lang

    “And now, young Skywalker, your failure is complete.”

    1. ShaggyDonahugh

      Now, you have my permission to die.

      Wait.

    2. ShaggyDonahugh

      Now, you have my permission to die.

      Wait.

    3. Animal

      Totally irrelevant, but think how much more threatening Darth Vader would have been with a German accent.

      “Luke. Ich bin dein Vater!“

      1. Gka

        That’s not threatening, that’s hilarious.

        1. Animal

          Or what if they had picked Wesley Snipes to do DV instead of James Earl Jones?

          “I find your lack of faith disturbing. Motherfucker.”

        2. Deathjavu

          Sounds more like Samuel L. Jackson…but that would’ve raised some awkward questions during the prequels.

          I mean, more awkward questions. Ones other than “why does Anakin think he needs to murder everyone to save his girlfriend’s life?” and “what happened to this franchise?”.

      2. Deathjavu

        There is almost certainly a translated version in which everyone speaks German.

        1. Animal

          And thus loses the effect.

          Imagine Werner Klemperer as the voice of Darth Vader. “Obi-waaaaaaan!”

  26. Charles

    The realizations! It burns us!

  27. Tenn

    Don’t be so hard on yourself, Billie. If you’re full of shit, then surely your advice must be worth shit.

  28. Kirbilius Clausius

    This comic is so well written that it’s hard to predict. I want to call Joyce unknowingly/accidentally repairing a lesbian relationship gets her to change her tune on ‘her’ gay guy but I don’t know…

  29. Jehosaphat

    Can someone explain to me what is up Billie’s rear? Is this still the Ruthless drama? I don’t remember what’s going on with her.

    1. insomniac

      Largely.
      But it’s been a major character point for her that she’s having trouble adjusting to college life and social structures. She’d been the rich popular head cheerleader in her home town, and now she’s just some freshman.

    2. Gigafreak

      Back in high school, the whole world revolved around Billie. She was the hot head cheerleader, and super popular.

      Her enormous ego went with her to college, but absolutely none of her groupies did. (If she even had any left after the drunk driving incident.) The Walkertons are the only ones who knew her from before college (and I’m not even sure about Sal), and neither were her fans.

      So now that she’s no longer a celebrity, and therefore no longer immune to consequences, she’s experiencing a “pride comes before a fall” kind of situation. I’d say her bubble was burst, but she had more bubbles than the foamy head of a mug of beer, all being popped one by one, to painful effect.

      Usually when this happens in reality, the girl would lash out and blame everyone else instead of her own perfect self forever– and Billie did indeed react that way at first. Thank gods Ruth’s force of personality helped awaken some perspective in Billie, or she’d be impossible to find sympathetic.

  30. winter

    There’s an error: part of the background is leaking out the left side of the fifth panel.

    Or by the time you’re reading this, maybe it isn’t anymore.

  31. BigDrahma

    “And Maybe I’m Full of Shit” would make a snazzy book title… Just sayin’.

  32. Gka

    The best part of this strip is how panel one anticipates yesterday’s entire comments page by like 2 months.

  33. Gigafreak

    I am kind of reminded of the time Joyce asked the Cheese if there is a God. And his answer was similar: “How would you even be sure my answer wasn’t full of shit?”

    Except, y’know, politer and with fancier words because Willis either has a surprisingly large vocabulary or a thesaurus at the ready.

    1. David M Willis

      in the dumbiverse, billie is the cheese

      1. Gigafreak

        They are both even wearing yellow

      2. 3oranges

        That explains why she’s become so isolated. The cheese stands alone.

      3. Dr. Paul

        The Melancholy of Billie?

    2. thatindianguy

      You’re suprised his vocabulary is fancy? Pretty sure he’s been writing longer than I’ve been alive.

      1. Gigafreak

        Well, yes, but I don’t remember seeing million-dollar words like “veracity” or “choregus” or even “addlepate” thrown around in Sly Sirs.

        (That last one literally means “stupidhead.” It’s fun to learn new and interesting insults.)

        1. Deathjavu

          Good writing aims to have the right word for the character and situation.

          Unsurprisingly, an ancient god has a lot of words to choose from.

        2. Gigafreak

          I’m convinced that his old line “I claim right of salvage” is a disguised way of saying “I call dibs”

        3. Bill

          Of course it is.

  34. thatindianguy

    You know for a comedy …comic there is an almost ever present misery below the surface in this story.

    1. timemonkey

      Willis feeds on pain and tears.

      1. ShaggyDonahugh

        Our Damn You’s are his toothpicks.

  35. ajm5007

    Even Billy can field this one, though.

    “Yes, Joyce, that is possible. There is generally no overwhelming compulsion to proceed beyond smoochy-smoochy. People manage it quite often.”

  36. thatindianguy

    Looking back my last coment was really pretentious.

    1. bigdrahma

      You were so close to recognizing the truth to comedy though. Comedy is pain that’s not happening to you.

      1. Kernanator

        Yup! You know what they say: Tragedy is when I stub my toe, comedy is when you fall down a manhole and die.

  37. demoncat_4

    billy is really digging herself deeper and deeper now over her advice giving. and not sold in baskin robins only in the dumbing of age verse the many flavors of wally .no cone needed

  38. nothri

    Am I off base for getting this sense of deja vu here? Billie aggressively declaring that she completely sucks feels way too much like Billie aggressively declaring how awesome she is.

    I am being unfair calling her a narcissist?

    1. nothri

      *Am I being unfair.

      Sorry, came down with another case of the typos. Hopefully it isn’t contagious.

    2. Mix

      Many versions of low self-esteem come paired with narcissistic tendencies! It’s much easier to believe that everyone’s judging you when you believe you’re the center of attention, when the truth is that most people don’t really care if you make an idiot of yourself.

      But Billie’s a little heart broken and certainly having an identity crisis. Just because she’s self-centered doesn’t mean her pain’s not real.

  39. Los

    I actually feel a little bad for Billie. I’d hug that.

  40. Akahane

    …It’s only been a month? The comic’s four years old! O.o

  41. DarkoNeko

    Took you long enough, Billie ^^

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