239

Tired
Posted on July 11, 2017 by David M Willis

239 thoughts on “Tired”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    hope springs eternal

    1. Emperor Daniel

      Unlike the Leafs, which fall eternal.

      1. StClair

        *slow clap*

      2. Foxhack

        Please don’t kick them when they’re down. Even if that’s their default state.

        1. Reltzik

          Being down, or being kicked when they’re down?

        2. Trrebi981

          Both of course

      3. Sunny

        Have an internet cookie. That was excellent.

        1. miados

          is it disabled? i dont want to get a virus

      4. Hellespont

        “They are not dead which can eternal lie”

        1. Clif

          Politicians are immortal.

      5. Pablo360

        That’s what they said about the Cubs.

    2. Goz

      As a lifelong Cubs fan…Keep your chin up Leafs fans! And Mariners fans…

  2. Opus the Poet

    That explains the high anti-depressant sales in Chicago…

    1. Doctor_Who

      Wonder if they changed this last year at all.

      1. Opus the Poet

        Probably not, depression is kinda a chronic condition that doesn’t go away just because the initial cause has been corrected. You can’t put out a forest fire by extinguishing the match that started it.

        1. Clif

          The Doctor can if he goes back in time. Unfortunately this activates catastrophic repair process if the fire was a fixed point in time.

      2. Aeron

        Pharmaceutical stocks around the globe crashed after the Cubs won the World Series.

        1. Reltzik

          You’re kidding, right?

          YES, fans of the Cubs franchise were suddenly jubilant.

          But fans of EVERY OTHER FRANCHISE suddenly had to cope with exactly WHO they’d lost to.

        2. shadowcell

          yeah but the glitch in the Matrix that allowed the Cubs and Cavaliers to win championships was patched sometime between the 3rd and 4th quarters of the Super Bowl.

        3. Needfuldoer

          Never underestimate The Hoodie.

        4. Mr. Bulbmin

          That wasn’t a glitch. It was RNJesus being surprisingly merciful to the pitiful ones. Remember the First Rule of Mario Party: If someone is so far in last place that you think that they’re irrelevant, Chance Time/Reversal of Fortune is all but inevitable.

        5. Jhon

          Blue Shells?

        6. Liliaeth

          Part of me is still convinced that some Cubs fan made a deal with the devil in order to get them to win, that led to Trump becoming president.

        7. Bucket

          Wonder if this whole slide started back in ’04 when the Red Sox broke the curse?

        8. RacingTurtle

          Plausible. ?

      3. Hellespont

        Bolstered by sales in Cleveland, I assume…

      4. hof1991

        There’s always Da Bears. Really 1985 was a long time ago and the NFL title before that was a verylong time ago.

  3. shadowcell

    you can’t get hate sex that easily, but more easily than the leafs can get a cup HEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    1. TheAnonymousGuy

      Maybe she can’t but, with the right combination of action and statement you could definitely get some sympathy sex.

    2. Roborat

      Pretty sure they all have cups, cant play hockey without one, well, at least if you are male.

  4. Sam

    Now she is tired and roasted.

    1. Deanatay

      I’m so tired
      Tired of being admired
      Tired of love uninspired
      Let’s face it, I’m tired

  5. Thor

    Once the Leafs do win, this will be all out of joint with real world continuity. And it will only go back into continuity if twenty winless years thereafter elapse.

    1. Cattleprod

      I’m confident this will never be an issue.

      1. foamy

        I’ll lay down a prediction right here: The entire cast will have graduated before the Leafs win another Cup.

        1. Ben Whalley

          As long as they keep selling out Air Canada Centre, there is just no reason for the Leafs to win. Rabid (stupid?) fans keep shelling out hundreds of dollars for upper deck seats to a chronically losing team. Native Torontonian here, not a hater, just a realist.

        2. Roborat

          I seem to remember reading that they could have nobody buy tickets for a game, the arena could be empty, and they would still make money.

        3. Cephalo the Pod

          Considering that David Willis does not currently intend to cover any period of time beyond this forst semester, that’s a pretty bold claim.

        4. foamy

          I consider it much more likely that he will change his mind than the Leafs will win a Cup.

  6. StClair

    Go Leafs.

  7. Passchendaele

    wait a minute, the cubs are even worse – whoops, nevermind. :p

    1. Solenoid

      They split the timeline and we all know the consequences.

      1. Jon Rich

        Bad things happen to wizards who mess with time.

  8. BBCC

    Oh, Ruth, that’s a lie and you know it.

  9. Achallenger

    Hate sex takes work. Dirty, sweat y angry work..

    …. Get in my bunk

    1. miados

      sounds like to much work.

      I’m just gonna study.

  10. Shiro

    It’s nice to see these girls doing so well.

    1. miados

      well….. better i think but well is a term i wait to see a bit more than just a comic about the type of tired and sex ruth is feeling at the moment.

  11. Stephen Bierce

    *plays “Brass Bonanza” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. foamy

      You, sir, are a man of impeccable taste.

    2. Bucket

      *stirring memories of Whalers fandom*

      1. ValdVin

        What are the betting odds on the Hartford Whalers or Quebec Nordiques winning the Stanley Cup before the Leafs?

        (Yes, I’m aware of what that entails. And I miss the Nordiques.)

    3. mshn422

      Great, not only did this comic remind me that I’ve never seen my Mets or Jets win a championship, now I’m reminded how my Whalers don’t even exist anymore. The only saving grace I have in sports is UConn basketball.

      1. Bucket

        For me, I’ll catch up with college hockey and my RPI ENngineers.

  12. Kamino Neko

    Billie, no. Don’t taunt a Leafs fan. They’re scary.

    1. TamiDOA

      I try to always remember that fan is short for fanatic. And taunting a fanatic is like poking a lion with a short stick.

      1. Needfuldoer

        And Ruth is no fair-weather fan. She’s dedicated, and will defend her team with all the pent-up rage and fury that can only come from decades of mediocrity.

        1. Emily

          There’s no such thing as a fair-weather Leafs fan because the Leafs never have fair-weather.

    2. moriarty70

      We’re just rebuilding right now. And we didn’t expect them to get in the playoffs, let alone put up such a fight. And besides, my dad was 13 when they won last time, had me at 30 and now I’m 33, so yeah. My work has sworn they’ll close down the day of the victory parade since no one will be there.

      1. butting

        I just wanna say thank you, as an All Blacks supporter shaken by the recent series draw (as indeed the whole country is), for giving us a comforting look at life on the other side.

        I mean, we hear about it, but to come so close to it… it’s… it’s scary.

        I feel ya.

        1. Dean

          If it makes you feel any better, rugby isn’t a real sport anyway.

        2. butting

          Talking of it as sport… yeah, that falls short. Bill Shankly came close talking of football, when he said it wasn’t a matter of life and death, it’s far more important than that.

          (real talk: the physio who stitched up Buck Shelford’s scrotum before he went back out for more worked my back over for a while. hard to get realer than that.)

        3. Roborat

          Hope he washed his hands first.

      2. foamy

        That’s promise they can make knowing they’ll never need to follow through :p

    3. miados

      not if you use a rake.

  13. Jay

    Other than our women’s basketball team, my home state’s teams haven’t won a national title since the year I was born.

    1. mrj

      Do I detect another Minnesotan here? (The Lynx manage to be both our best sports team and the one that we pay the least attention to.)

      1. Jenwren

        Yay, Minnesota pride! Go Lynx!

      2. Jay

        That you do! Woo!

        1. ValdVin

          The Lynx are certainly making the most out of Maya Moore’s career. And I love Lindsay Whalen’s balance after contact, whic I imagine she honed playing hockey with all her brothers.

    2. Deathjavu

      If we are talking MN, I’m pretty sure both our college and pro hockey teams have won championships in your lifetime.

      But on average, our sports teams are disappointing enough that I’ve stopped watching sports all together. I was really in to it when I was little, but something about watching your mom and grandpa fruitlessly scream at the TV really makes you question sports fanaticism

  14. TamiDOA

    Billie, do you REALLY want her to question the things she chooses to associate herself with?

  15. Rukduk

    Half of me couldn’t really give a damn about hockey. The other half of me is from Edmonton though, so I’m never happy unless a team from Alberta wins.

    1. Roborat

      Didn’t you get the memo? You aren’t doing it right. An Edmonton fan is supposed to hate the Flames with a deep, abiding and eternal passion, and would rather see Montreal win yet another cup than have Calgary win.

  16. Rocketboy1313

    “So, we doing this or what?”
    “Yeah… Just… Can you do all the work? I kind of just want to lay here.”

    1. Deanatay

      She’s tired (She’s tired)
      Sick and tired of love (Give her a break)
      She’s had her fill of love (She’s not a snake)
      From bellow and above (Can’t you see she’s sick)
      Tired (She’s bushed)
      Tired of being admired (Let her alone)
      Tired of love uninspired (Get off the phone)
      She’s tired (Don’t you know she’s pooped)

      1. Roborat

        Someone watched Blazing Saddles far too many times.

  17. Yotomoe

    Actually Ruth, I think Billie is offering you “pity sex”. All sex with Leafs fans is pity sex.

    1. Bagge

      Dunno…. if Billie says that I think it will be hate sex after all…

      1. Yotomoe

        It can be both.

        1. Pablo360

          Hate and pity – the two romantic emotions.

        2. Poskie

          Aaaand I found the Homestuck.

  18. Hellespont

    Ice Hockey is one of the few American games I never got into. Watching it is like watching a bunch of oversized, badly decorated wedding cakes sitting, unsecured in the back of a large truck.

    As opposed to real hockey, which is fast moving and looks like a lot of fun.

    1. Halpful

      are you saying hockey isn’t canadian, or are you saying americans ruined it and called it “ice hockey” (which sounds redundant)? I don’t know enough about sports to tell.

      1. miados

        wait they made an ice based version of street hockey?

        1. Hellespont

          Hey look a hockey joke. Thank you.

        2. John

          You want a hockey joke?

          “The Leafs.”

        3. Roborat

          Heyooooo!

      2. Hellespont

        I am saying it is an American aberration.

        You lot really need to to figure out what continent you are on, but that is a seperate issue.

        1. Halpful

          The continent is *North* America. 😛 I live in Canada, and I am NOT an American. (trump hasn’t invaded *yet* 😛 )

        2. Hellespont

          You are American.

        3. Halpful

          do NOT tell me my nationality. Fuck You.

        4. Hellespont

          America is not a nation.

          No thank you.

        5. Derek

          America is a continent, USA is a country

        6. John

          North America is a continent. America is a country.

        7. begbert2

          Seconding John – North America is a continent. South America is a continent. “The Americas” is a collective term for the above two continents and adjacent islands. “America”, singular, is a short name for The United States of America.

          Similarly, the terms “American”, “North American”, and “South American” described residents of the aforementioned regions, such that Canadians are not in the set of people known as ‘Americans’. A fact for which they are probably profoundly grateful.

        8. Fart Captor

          You know, it’s actually possible to clarify what you mean without being a dick about it.

        9. Hellespont

          It is possible to hear something you don’t want to hear without swearing and being a dick. Care to try it one day.

        10. Fart Captor

          I don’t give a damn if you’ve decided that “American” isn’t commonly used among English speakers to refer specifically to people from the USA.

          YOU are the one who said “You lot really need to to figure out what continent you are on”. Before anybody said a big mean curse word at you.

          Then when Halpful explained that they’re Canadian, so it should have been painfully obvious that what you meant is not what was being understood, you decided to simply say “You are American” like a condescending ass, rather than even try to explain yourself better.

        11. Hellespont

          You lot really do need to figure out what continent you are on, stop playing thread police, No one respects your AwThorITie.

          Please try to post on topic from now on, scenery chewing is not appreciated,

        12. Yotomoe

          People telling you what you are is pretty annoying, to be honest.

        13. dethtoll

          Well, this thread is sure going places.

        14. Hellespont

          Not my fault American idiosyncrasies are funny.

          One poster so far has made a responding sports joke. I should probably thank them.

        15. foamy

          Anybody who calls hockey “ice hockey” doesn’t have opinions that’re worth listening to anyway.

        16. Bicycle Bill

          I have no problem with someone calling it ice hockey, especially since there is also field hockey, street hockey, and air hockey. Not to mention that in many places the word ‘hockey’ is an euphemism for fecal matter.

        17. Shiro

          It’s like you work at being the most unpleasant-to-talk-to person in the room.

        18. Shiro

          Damn these silly threading limits. Naturally that was @Hellespont, for whom the distinction is not a new one.

        19. Hellespont

          @Shiro Always amusing how often the self important demand humility and compliance from others. Thanks for the laugh and the valuable contribution.

          @Bicycle Bill funnily enough the only places hockey is a euphemism for fecal matter are are all covered by the NHL.

        20. Fart Captor

          @Hellespont, “not deliberately antagonizing people” is generally not that much to ask of someone, as difficult as it may be for you.

        21. SillyGoose

          Air hockey? Never heard of that before. Sounds like the Muggle name for Quidditch.

        22. 3-I

          @Hellespont: I really hope someone poops in your socks. Because you are a rude dismissive jerk practicing linguistic prescriptivism to demonstrate your superiority to others.

        23. Hellespont

          As usual, I am not the one being deliberately antagonistic. Just the one that is amused by those that are, Fart.

        24. Shiro

          @Hellespont: You’re an obnoxious little troll and I thought you’d been banned over…hm, what was it that you were That Guy-ing over? You all run together for me at this point. Anyway that might’ve been better for the general quality of the comments section.

        25. 3-I

          @Hellespont “Touching on the topic at hand.”

          The topic at hand is YOUR BEHAVIOR. It’s what WE’RE all talking about, so get the hell onboard. Why are you doubling down when people are calling you out on your utter contemptible rudeness and self-important little complaints about anyone and everyone? You are being wilfully obtuse. You are deliberately going out of your way to insult people. You. Are. Trolling.

          I hope someone VOMITS in your socks, because poop is NOT SUFFICIENTLY UNPLEASANT.

        26. begbert2

          I can’t speak to whether Hellespont is a horrible person with bad hair, but it is definitely the case that 1) “Americans” definitely refers to citizens of the USA, and *not* Canadians, and 2) nobody who knows what continent they’re on disagrees with this.

        27. Shiro

          @Hellespont: Pfffffhaha wow, who’s over the top here? Threats? Patently ridiculous. I can’t recall specifics since your last little tantrum was smack dab in the middle of a period where we had a new That Guy every comments section, but if I’m remembering correctly, just like now, you threw a snitfit because you communicated your point poorly, multiple people called you out, and instead of clarifying, you chose to be an arrogant little shit about it. Probably because, like most internet kids who think provoking others is close enough to having a personality, you find negative attention is better than no attention.

          I fully admit to name-calling, but only in cases where it’s justly and richly deserved. Like now, you unpleasant little shitstirring troll.

        28. Emily

          I mean if you want to be unbearably pedantic sure.

        29. Hellespont

          There are only two countries that buy into the idea that the USA is America and I am from neither. I don’t see it catching on.

        30. Halpful

          are you going to tell me I’m not bisexual either? 😛

        31. Hellespont

          Are you saying no Americans are bisexual? Because I have bad news for you.

        32. Yotomoe

          Both of you are misunderstanding one another phenomenally. Calm down, dudes.

        33. Hellespont

          Wrong on all counts. Thank you for your valuable contribution.

          Just to reiterate.

          Ice Hockey (the Variant of hockey played on ice) is one of the few American games (games [things people play and take WAY to seriously] played in America [the pair of continents {something else people take WAY too seriously}])) I never got into.

          Watching it is like watching a bunch of oversized, badly decorated wedding cakes sitting, unsecured in the back of a large truck.

          Hockey (if I have to explain what hockey is…google it, the definitions are usually American and therefore wrong, but you will be able to work it out), on the other hand, is fast paced and one of the highlights of the Olympics.

          Anyone caring to take offence to any of that, please direct your “corrections” to someone that cares.

        34. Jaime

          For quite a while saying “I’m an American” meant “I’m from the United States.” That is NOT a fair thing to say, and is frankly pretty imperialist, but a lot of people have internalized it.

          (Not the least because of he-who-shall-not-be-named running around yelling, “Make America great again!”) ?

          I am working hard on saying, “I am from the United States.” “I am a U.S.ian” is good in the internets but doesn’t really translate well to speech, so I try really hard to say when people ask in person, “I am a U.S. resident.”

          PS: There are LOTS of bisexuals in the U.S. – I’m one! (Although, to be fair, I identify more as omnisexual now to avoid the repressive quagmire of binary gender/sex bias.) 🙂

        35. Jaime

          Edit: I should have qualified that saying “I’m an American” often meant you’re a U.S. citizen for *PEOPLE IN THE U.S.*. I’ve visited both Canada (Quebec City and Montreal) and Central America (Mexico) but I’ve never lived anywhere other than the U.S., so I’m speaking from my own perspective and am sorry if I offended.

        36. Hellespont

          Pretty much how I feel Jaime. Added to the general feeling that I ca’t see any reason the word “America” is offensive. Unless there is an agreed upon indigenous word, of course.

          I am a Dual citizen of the US and Australia.

          I have no idea how to label myself sexually and mostly care not to.

        37. Yotomoe

          It’s more of a colloqualism than an imperialism. USA is short for “United States of America.” America is in the title.

          It’s worth noting that no one has mentioned SOUTH AMERICA is a thing. So even by that logic, calling Hockey “American” seems inaccurate because I don’t think South Americans play Ice hockey much. Though I’m from the south so I don’t know who nuthin’ bout no hockey any ways.

        38. Fart Captor

          @Jaime: I think it has less to do with imperialism than the fact that there just isn’t another way to shorten “someone from the USA” into a single noun. There aren’t any other countries in either continent that have “America” in the name, so its pretty clear which one you’re referring to.

          I can’t understand why Hellespont didn’t just SAY “I’m referring to the continent, not the USA”, instead of being unnecessarily snide about it.

        39. Yotomoe

          To be fair I think everyone was a little bit snippy. The conversation seemed to escalate quite a bit more than it should’ve.

        40. Hellespont

          Yes Fart, we gathered that. Several posts ago. “Need a map back to the topic?”, I asked, snidely.

        41. Jaime

          I apologize for not mentioning South America; I guess I kind of assumed that most readers knew that was another of the “Americas.” (You know what happens when you assume…) 😛

          I’ve read a few places that some Indigenous groups’ original name for North America was “Turtle Island.” WHY DID WE STOP CALLING IT THAT. I would be SO happy to say, “I’m a Turtle Islander!”

          PS: Yotomoe, I am horribly ignorant of a lot of South America, about which I’m very ashamed. However, I know my stepfather plays street hockey in the summer (I live in the Northeast U.S.), which involves roller skates/rollerblades and no ice at all. Is that a popular sport where you live? I also seem to remember that Brazil pretty much kicks everyone elses’ @$$ during the World Cup!

          PS: I have now expended my ENTIRE knowledge of sports unless I just start spouting random terms. Lay-up home-run quarterback endzone basket 1st down home plate. EEEP! 😉

        42. Random832

          I think a piece that may be missing from some people’s understanding here is that in many languages, and in Spanish in particular, “America” is properly used to refer to, as a single continent (canal aside, it is one contiguous landmass after all), what we consider to be ‘North America’ and ‘South America’.

        43. Yotomoe

          My point about South America is not condemning you for not mentioning it. It’s more just pointing out how POINTLESS it is for any of us to be arguing these semantics.

          This conversation literally could’ve been
          “Hockey’s american”
          “Actually it’s canadian”
          “I mean the continents”
          “Oh, gotcha!”

          Jeez guys, stop taking life so seriously. You’re bumming me out.

        44. Jaime

          @Rnadom 832: IIRC, I heard the exact same thing from one of my Spanish-speaking students a couple of years ago about the term “American.” (I’ve got to confess that my Spanish is BEYOND terrible. I know how to say, “Hello,” “Thank you,” “I’m sorry,” “How much?,” “Where is the bathroom?,” “One more drink please,” 😉 and “I don’t speak Spanish.” 😛

          To all: I’ve been to Spanish-speaking regions of Mexico at LEAST about ten times in the past few years – I’ve tried SO hard to pick up the language but it just doesn’t take beyond a few phrases. One funny/horrible moment was when I was staying in a hotel with a pool and decided to go swimming at night. The person cleaning the pool was trying to tell me I couldn’t swim. I eventually got their point, but in the meantime I started slipping into FRENCH when trying to talk to them, which I took about a thousand years ago in middle school and high school! I try SO hard to not be a “stupid U.S. tourist” but I sometimes slip into that role despite my best efforts. 🙁

          I only said “imperialist” (and I’m NOT trying to argue semantics, Yotomoe!) because so much of the Americas has been invaded and “re-named” by European countries who committed genocide against the native people. (Note: my field is NOT history, so anyone and everyone please correct me on anything I’ve got wrong!) However, IIRC, the only reason we called the Indigenous peoples of what is now the U.S. and Central America “Indians” is because Columbus got horribly confused while trying to get to India. The term “America(s)” comes from the Italian explorer Amerigo Vespucci. At leat in my part of the U.S., we have renamed a lot of things based upon the experience of the British invaders (Salem, Plymouth, Worcester, Hull, New York, etc.) and even the Indigenous names that have remained (such as the Merrimac River in Massachusetts) have no remembered meaning behind them.

          Okay, I probably am getting pretty “serious” here. Full disclosure: I’m a white omnisexual cisgender woman who has lived her entire life in the Northeast U.S. I’m trying hard to learn more and unpack my privilege so I don’t disrespect or offend others.

        45. Hellespont

          Ice Hockey is an American game.
          Jai Alai is an American game. Damn cool one as well. So fast and athletic.
          Lacrosse is an American game. We had to play that in high school in Australia. I was awful and almost decapitated a bunch of people before being sent to a different sport.

        46. Needfuldoer

          Was it awful because you almost decapitated a bunch of people, or because you almost decapitated a bunch of people?

        47. Hellespont

          @Needfuldoer Lol (literally) love the way your mind works.

        48. Hellespont

          @Jaime Off to Google “Turtle Island”. That does sound cool.

          Most of the Suthern Hemisphere is called Gondwana, as in Gondwanan Distribution. It is named after one of the few parts of a supercontinent that predates Pangea that ended up in the Northern Hemisphere. I have always found that ironic,

    2. BBCC

      Is the hockey you’re talking about field hockey?

      1. Hellespont

        Never heard of it, so I don’t think so.

        Only hockey and its derivations, Ice hockey and street hockey. Although I assume some people have tried to play it on horses, but I think that is called polo.

        1. Jaime

          Field hockey was a MAJOR sport in my high school (in New England), but only played by young women. The joke around the school was that field hockey was much more dangerous and violent than (U.S.) football, which girls weren’t allowed to play when I was in high school!

          I never played field hockey but took gym class with some young women who did and, seriously, they were INCREDIBLY fast and and strong and intimidating. ?

        2. Hellespont

          Yep, teenage girl saved my life on a hockey field. A ball was coming straight at my head, she just stepped between me and the ball and put her hand out. She moved so fast and the ball stopped dead.

        3. Hellespont

          Hockey is so hardcore it was banned in Ireland in the 1500s

        4. Hellespon

          Hockey is so hardcore it was banned in Ireland in the 1500s

        5. ValdVin

          (Not asking your age but) Was that before headgear for HS athletes in several sports became mandatory?

          My nephew played lacrosse in HS recently and was grateful for the helmet.

        6. Ferdinand Rosenthal

          Jaime, about introducing yourself, a easier way to do it would be ‘I”m from the U-S’, wouldn’t it?

        7. BBCC

          It’s the hockey that was invented in England. Whether or not field hockey or ice hockey is just called ‘hockey’ depends where you live and which is more prominent.

        8. Jaime

          I’m not even going to TALK about cricket. (Krikkit?)

          ?

        9. Hellespont

          There was. Douglas Adams book based on a script he wrote called “Doctor Who and the Krikkitmen”

        10. Bucket

          “Life, The Universe, and Everything”

        11. Hellespont

          Bingo

        12. Hellespont

          Nah, that is just what Americans tell themselves to legitimise Ice Hockey. Hockey is hockey, always has been.

        13. BBCC

          Funny you say that considering both started being played around the same time.

        14. Hellespont

          No they didn’t

        15. foamy

          https://xkcd.com/169/

        16. BBCC

          Both are 19th century games, with predecessors from much earlier. The first club for field hockey was established in the 1840s and ice hockey was first organized in the 1870s, with the use of the term ‘hockey’ for a stick-and-ball game being played in Canada, sometimes on ice, being established in 1773.

          Also, when a Canadian or American in the Northern US refers to hockey, in my experience, they’re near exclusively referring to ice hockey, so yes, it does depend on where you live. If you come around here and only refer to ‘hockey’ and expect people to understand it as ‘field hockey’ you’ll likely be disappointed.

        17. Hellespont

          Incorrect.

        18. BBCC

          Since you addressed the dates down below, I’m guessing you’re talking about whether or not people refer to ice hockey as hockey in which case I’m just gonna say that you are wrong.

        19. Hellespont

          Nah, since I have lived in the US for over a decade, I already know that is wishful thinking. I didn’t even bother to address it.

          Despite all the put downs you lot indulge in, and all the “libretard” and “redneck” name calling, most Americans are reasonably intelligent people more than capable of understanding and coping with context. Present company excluded, of course.

        20. BBCC

          Where in the US, if you don’t mind my asking? Because in the places in the US I’ve been to it was generally understood ‘hockey’ was referring to ‘ice hockey’ and I’ve lived in Canada my entire life where it’s definitely near exclusively just called hockey.

        21. thejeff

          And perhaps even more relevantly, any place it was misunderstood, the confusion is easily cleared up with a laugh and a quick explanation rather than about how Americans (meaning US & Canada, but likely not more southerly Americans) are wrong and must accept that you were right and must use your definition.

        22. Hellespont

          Sorry bout that, had to do some earning.

          Okay, by your logic, which seems to be games spontaneously appear only when organised groups and standardised rules are set: hockey predates soccer, boxing and chess, which are all 19th Century English games or sports. Nothing there I would agree with, but we are just following your logic here.

          Ice Hockey appeared a decade to several decades after all of these, still hardly “at the same time”.

        23. BBCC

          First of all, I did acknowledge that there are a lot of precursors for both. Second, yeah, I’m going by when organized groups and standardized rules come into play, because that’s generally where, in my experience, the sport’s considered to have started professionally. In which case I’d point out that Greece has had boxing for far longer and modern chess started being developed in the 1200s in Italy and Spain. Third, I said ‘around’ the same time, meaning a similar-isa period of time – but that’s my fault for not clarifying.

        24. Emily

          Jesus Christ guy you need to chill with the smugness it’s just fucking sportsball nobody cares.

    3. Hellespont

      Ice Hockey is one of the few American games I never got into. Watching it is like watching a bunch of oversized, badly decorated wedding cakes sitting, unsecured in the back of a large truck.

      As opposed to real hockey, which is fast moving and is a lot of fun to watch.

      Have a nice day everyone. Mine is done. I probably won’t be able to indulge you quite as much tomorrow.

    4. Roborat

      There is no such thing as “ice hockey”. It is just hockey, all other versions are variants.

  19. Keulan

    I can understand not wanting to get up in the mornings. Freaking morning people suck.

  20. miados

    i can’t relate to ruth here. I have never liked sports and the only reason i liked when my dad forced me to go to college sports was because tailgaters always had amazing food to eat.

  21. Dellaran

    What do you call Ruth + Billie + the Leafs?

    Two girls, no Cup.

    1. ValdVin

      That deserves to be the alt-alt-text. Seriously funny.

      1. Hellespont

        Oh and thanks for the Uke info VladVin, cleared up a lot.

        1. ValdVin

          Hey, certainly, but don’t thank me, thank the brave folks who actually carry ukes out in the real world and write about it.

          I’m working on my introversion so I can play my guitar in front of my family. Really.

        2. Hellespont

          Having no musical or artistic ability, I would settle for being able to play alone, at home.

          Congratulations for getting to the point where that is an option.

    2. Hellespont

      What VladVin said.

  22. Mojo

    You’re gonna burn my team like that, I expect to get some hate sex myself.

  23. Bagge

    Come on, Billie. Work for your hate sex.

  24. JessWitt

    My sympathies to Ruth. I’m on a new pill for an attentional disorder so I’m feeling a bit rickety.

    Back to work with me.

  25. (((Mkvenner)))

    If the cubs can win the world series then the leafs can win the Stanley cup.

    1. The Mad Academic

      They’re finally on track. I have faith in their current team. Even the recent investments aren’t part of their old pattern of “buying a cup.” since they’re relatively short term investments that can give their young players needed veteran stability.

  26. Reltzik

    Billie, you know better than that.

    You get hate sex by WEARING Leafs products, not mocking them.

    1. Bagge

      All I know is that the second shoe has not yet dropped from THIS strip
      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/favoritesportsteam/

      1. ValdVin

        What would ever happen in DofA if the Leafs win the real championship before the comic’s timeline reaches June? Could Ruth stand to be that happy?

        1. Bagge

          Lots and lots of sex.

        2. Reltzik

          ….. isn’t that what’s happening anyway?

    2. Yotomoe

      How would that get her HATE sex.

      Sounds like that’d just get her sex.

      1. Reltzik

        Well if Ruth hates the Leafs…

  27. The Mad Academic

    If I were Ruth, I’d have hidden under the covers and ignored Billie. But that’s simply how my depression affects me.

  28. Antonio Tyler

    This is why I don’t hang up my own artwork.

    1. Hellespont

      Because it has never won an award? Sod that, hang it and rub it in the faces of people like me that can’t draw water, let alone make tha artz

      1. DonDueed

        In my experience, there are a lot of actual artists who can’t draw water.

        1. thejeff

          Water’s tricky.

        2. Pablo360

          It has so many ripples and reflections and refractions. It’s taunting us.

  29. Kitschensyngk

    Would it depress her more if it were a Montreal Canadiens poster?

  30. Danni

    billie hasnt asked the important question: do you want a blanket?

  31. darkoneko

    nice try tho

  32. DrWattson

    While I love joking about the Leafs, I’m a Wild fan. You know, a team that has never made it to a championship. Glass houses, I know.

    1. foamy

      That’s okay, Vancouver hasn’t either and neither Calgary nor Edmonton has since before your team existed, but you don’t see us pausing in our mockery, do you?

      1. Bicycle Bill

        Minnesota has the Wild only because some scheisser named Norm Green picked up Minnesota’s original franchise (the North Stars) and hauled them off to Texas in 1993.

        1. Bucket

          At least Minnesota has the Wild. I grew up around Hartford. The Whalers ran off to North Carolina and never were replaced (with another NHL franchise).

        2. ValdVin

          The composer of Brass Bonanza passed away recently.

          It was the top story in all of CT media except for southern Fairfield County (aka we’re trying to be New York).

          http://www.courant.com/breaking-news/hc-jack-say-brass-bonanza-obit-20170710-story.html

        3. Roborat

          Never understood why they didn’t reuse the North Stars name.

  33. chris73

    Whenever I’ve watched Ice Hockey I’ve always thought its a bit of a joke. All the aggression sure but with so much padding

    Now Rugby (union or league) is a real sport played by real men and women

    1. foamy

      They wear the padding for a reason: hockey players move a hell of a lot faster than rugby players, the puck can break a hundred miles an hour and there’s a dude whose whole job is to get hit by it, and everybody on the ice is carrying a club.

      Not to dunk on rugby, but hockey combines the best attributes of a lot of sports. Fast, flowing, physical, and often downright beautiful.

    2. foamy

      Oh, and also two blades per. Go look up Malarchuk and Zednik to see what can happen when those find something unprotected.

    3. A Scientist

      The point of the pads is at least as much to protect players from the ice and the puck and skates and sticks as it is to protect them from each other. Yeah, guys shoulder tackle each other in rugby, but the ground is dirt and grass, which is a lot softer than ice, and there are no weapons in players’ hands, and the projectile in rugby isn’t going to shatter bones, but it absolutely will (and does) in hockey.

      But it certainly does also matter that top speed in hockey is like 35 mph, versus like 20-ish in rugby. Those impacts are far more violent, if also far less frequent.

      1. chris73

        Theres also a lot less remonstrating with the ref and when the players occasionally have a fight (its a physical game after all) it actually means something

        I mean how do you take a sport seriously that has Goons

        1. foamy

          Was the “ice hockey” you watched called “Slapshot” by any chance?

        2. Emily

          How do you take sports so seriously at all? It’s a game I don’t understand the point of this silly one-upsmanship about which one is more needlessly brutal.

      2. Kamino Neko

        the projectile in rugby isn’t going to shatter bones, but it absolutely will (and does) in hockey.

        And not just the players. There’s a reason the glass is so tall at hockey arenas…but spectators still occasionally take a puck to the face, and the result is never pretty.

        1. foamy

          They also have netting around the ends, these days, after a young girl was hit in the head with a puck in a Flames-Blue Jackets game.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Brittanie_Cecil

          You know what’s really crazy though? Back in the day goalies played without masks. The mind boggles.

      3. Halpful

        I agree with all that, but you reminded me of something: when I was in high school, rugby games were almost never cancelled due to weather. I’ve played rugby in snow, on fields of frost or slush or ice-cold water. One time it was so bad we had to warm up in the shower before we could get our socks off. My feet have had strange opinions on temperature ever since.

        At the time we liked to make fun of the american-football players’ padding, but in hindsight it seems questionable to be sending kids out there without even a helmet.

        1. foamy

          American football players wear that armour because if they didn’t, they’d literally kill each other. It happened all the time back at the beginning of the 20th century. Even with all that gear the concussions are a major health issue, plus all the damage that can be done to bones and tendons.

          As far as playing in poor conditions goes, though, I give you the Canadian Football League:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zewJyhRkUio

          :v

        2. ValdVin

          The gear, especially the helmets, are finally being redesigned for some more protection against CTE. However, it’s not a complete solution.

          PS Thanks to you I’ve just spent an hour plus watching CFL history on Youtube. That includes this Tabbies’ FG attempt blocked by the wind.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_pGf8A1Tkg

        3. Roborat

          Did you enjoy the part where Saskatchewan lost the cup because they couldn’t count?

      4. Hellespont

        Impact speed is only an issue in ice hockey.

        Speed is not the issue in rugby. Being stopped dead by two other players. Picked up. Flung to the ground. Repeat ad nauseum. Much more brutal. Only sheer athleticism and professional skill prevents fatalities.

        1. foamy

          Incorrect.

    4. Hellespont

      I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but…

      Except for the helmet, padding is pretty similar for both rugby and grid iron. Mouth guards, shoulder, chest and back protection are the very similar. Only the extremities are uncovered to preserve the free flowing power of the sport.

  34. Aprion

    A for effort though.

  35. Ronnie

    I knew what the alt-text was gonna say before I read it. Why am I so proud of that.

  36. A Scientist

    This comment section needs a Phil Kessel reference.

    You know, that guy the Leafs traded away because they couldn’t win a Cup with him, just in time for him to win two straight Cups. 🙂

    1. Neeks

      I’ve always thought it was super shitty of the media to refer to him as “a cancer in the locker room” considering he’s a cancer survivor.

      1. Neeks

        Also a Maple Leafs survivor now, come to think of it.

        That being said as an Arizona native I’m sort of obligated to root for the Leafs on some level because of Auston Matthews.

        THAT being said, in America we don’t say “I love you,” we say “Phil Kessel is a two-time Stanley Cup Champion” and I think that’s beautiful.

        1. A Scientist

          They made up the hot dog story about him, too, but he’s embraced it as a hilarious meme since then. But Phil Kessel is a Stanley Cup Champion is my favorite meme.

        2. Neeks

          God bless Steve Dangle for getting Sidney Crosby in on it.

  37. Halpful

    Fart captor, foamy, etc: *hugs* thank you for making words while I was dealing with my inner Ruby and Sapphire offline 🙂 words are still hard but I’m somewhat back together.

  38. Andy

    …can we stop mocking the Leads for how long they’ve gone without a championship? You’re hitting Blues fans like me as collateral damage

  39. 3-I

    I really really love these two. Full stop.

  40. AustSakuraKyzor

    I doubt Ruth’s grandfather was born the last time the Leafs were a good team

  41. Capn_Owl

    Anyone else thinking of Avalon High?

  42. Reltzik

    Okay, serious question time. Is this a legit sign that Ruth’s new anti-depressant isn’t working for her and she needs her dosage/prescription rejiggered?

    1. 3-I

      Pills aren’t a magic bullet, sadly. Recovery and continued languishing can look very very similar, because there is no overnight cure for depression.

    2. Pidgey

      This might be a rambling reply. I’m super tired and loopy.
      She’s only been on them for a short time. Most anti-depressants take a while to level off. And they don’t completely remove depression and sadness. She’s still having to deal with drama and depressing things. Plus being around people again, probably being super tense at them knowing about her depression and her relationship would be super emotionally and physically draining.
      My best guess is drained and depressed, though whether it’s as all consuming as before is hard to tell, adjusting to meds and actually exhausted.
      People need extra support during the adjustment to meds. My doc offered me extra meds and ordered me to call my parents every day in the first month of my meds (I told my doc they make me happy).

    3. Sam

      Since she has been on it for less than even a week I think, no. It takes at least a week for any effects to start at all and it takes at least 4-8 weeks for it to take full effect depending on the exact antidepressant. This is likely just the depression still eating her energy because the antidepressant hasn’t stolen its femurs yet.

    4. Kamino Neko

      No, it’s been less than a week – anti-depressants don’t work that fast. There was certainly a situational aspect to her bottoming out, which just the act of getting help should have helped with, but the underlying clinical depression would still be there.

      And even the situational improvement has certainly been kicked out from under her by Sir’s actions and Rachel’s rant, and probably the situation with Amber, and maybe even Mary’s cheerfulness, if she’s noticed that.

  43. Dandi_Andi

    I feel Ruth’s pain. I’m a St. Louis Blues fan. We’re tied for the longest cupless streak in the league. I do wonder who will break the streak first and if I’ll be alive to see it.

    1. Kamino Neko

      At least you got to play for it for your first three seasons. The Leafs haven’t even managed that since last time they won.

  44. Ed Rhodes

    The fact that she’s in the costume makes me wonder if she’d been watching a game today and they just lost. If I cared about sports, that would make me take a nap!

  45. Jak Snow

    Every time I get a NHL game I always play as the Leafs… I just want them to win…

  46. Sarah-2

    Billy is a true college kid, her clothes never match xD

  47. Orion Fury

    Challenge accepted.

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