Agency
Posted on May 2, 2014 by David M Willis
Also, in case you need something to sing the hovertext to:

347 thoughts on “Agency”

  1. Kernanator

    How is it that Joyce can look so cute while talking about such horrifying subjects?

    1. Ivan

      She’d already have a broken nose like first real roommate.

      1. Ivan

        Just wondering… would the Lord want a general purpose server or do you think the new IBM 795 with 768,000 cores of the Power7a (12core, 10mb of Level 2 RAM cache per core) for a HPC set-up?

        I mean… “make me a server – make me a server – make me a server today” – seems like he needs one of the HPC high end server people to call on him!!

        1. Jack Finch

          Don’t know, but I think the Lord of All Creation would run Linux.

        2. drs

          Nah, a Lisp Machine, one of the cool updated ones that don’t exist for us mere mortals: https://www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/eternal-flame.html

        3. Cosman246

          Yay, another of the Faithful! It’s wonderful to see another Lisper

    2. Yotomoe

      And now. Joyce reads the novelization of “The human centipede”

      1. Hoboturtle

        I would buy a copy of that book on tape. I would buy two!

        1. Scott

          I would buy three, strapped together

      2. Aizat

        Is it as horrifying as people say it is? I am curious…yet really don’t want to know about it.

        1. Jen Aside

          Dude forces people to eat the shit of the person whose anuses they’re PHYSICALLY SEWN ONTO. What else is there to be curious about =C

        2. Ivan

          As long as I was the person at the front, there could be worse things to be subjected to by Dr. Mengele and crew!!

        3. nothri

          Yeah, that always struck me as the sort of movie you see for the same reason some people stop to gawk at a crime scene or bad accident…sheer morbid curiosity.

        4. coolhandluke

          also Schadenfreude

        5. lightsabermario

          Schaaaaaadenfreude! Making me feel glad that I’m not you!

          …I literally can’t help myself when it comes to that song.

        6. Allcool-dontcare

          Person killing people to make a human centipede and it never shows us what it looks like and leaves us in mystery wondering… yeah that creepy

        7. Allcool-dontcare

          Or never the fuckin mind the shit scene is what makes it creepy… ignore last response

        8. Aizat

          And people make this because?

        9. Cody B

          Because they like money.

        10. H3xx

          Because for some inexplicable reason, people will pay to see that sort of thing. It wasn’t all that creepy, just deeply disgusting, almost as much so as that purple song book in the video.

        11. Mr. Random

          Eh, it was actually kinda boring if you ignore the gross out factor. They made it to basically be a gross out film. One of those things you see at bad movie night or something you dare someone else to see.

        12. GreatContagion

          As I recall, the cover of the movie had a little notice claiming 100% medical accuracy. So, I guess that’s why people made it / watched it. A snuff film that didn’t actually involve murder.

        13. JCfromNC

          A completely bogus claim, but yeah, the claim was there.

        14. nothri

          Feels like horror movies get into an arms race where each one was trying to outdo its previous movies in the franchise as well as compete with other releases in terms of how gory or gross they can be with the deaths. Centipede, in my opinion, is one symptom of this.

        15. Sage

          You never really see anything truly gruesome, the mad doc just spends a while explaining the procedure, and within thirty minutes bam, there they are, ass-to-mouth. Then the rest of the movie is this badly-paced, so insane it’s impossible not to laugh shitfest where he treats them like his pet, up to and including trying to make them fetch his newspaper.

    3. nekobawt

      i don’t know, my christian mom and i talk religion/the bible sometimes on a philosophical level (i for intellectual exercise, she in the hopes that one day i’ll return to the glory of god or something), and one time we were talking about the garden of eden thing, and when i suggested that the forbidden fruit represented free will (ymmv on whether this is an actual thing), she was 100% unperturbed by the concept that if that were the case then god doesn’t want her thinking for herself, and even said something to the extent that free will is overrated, and i was just like D:

      it’s stuff like that that makes me give her the side-eye when she says that other religions are basically cults.

      that being said, i want my mom to be happy, and on the subject of personal agency, SHE’s the one who gets to determine what will make that happen. besides, without her church, the only local/emotional support network she’d have would be me, and i can’t give her what she needs….

      1. Stranger

        Dude, no offense, but your mom is completely up her own ass if she cant see the basically exact similiarities between her own religion and the ones she deems cults. And its frankly infuriating that people cling to delusions just because reality would make them sad and lonely. Maybe deal with your issues instead of running to Jesus for everything?

        1. nekobawt

          sad to say that not everyone has the strength (if that’s the right word) to do that. my mother is a deeply unhappy person, and if she has to use her church and jesus as a crutch to keep her from spiraling into despair and actually killing herself, i’m ok with that. there’s more to life than being right, and the tug of war between people of faith and people of not faith isn’t going to be ending any time soon.

        2. DarkVeghetta

          You pretty much encapsulate my feelings on the matter. I’d love to point out their fallacies all day long, but sometimes it would do more harm then good.

      2. Nee Hou

        “when i suggested that the forbidden fruit represented free will (ymmv on whether this is an actual thing), she was 100% unperturbed by the concept that if that were the case then god doesn’t want her thinking for herself, and even said something to the extent that free will is overrated,”
        Funny how people will judge Christianity on things like that, and then object when I remark about Atheists like Lenin (C. Hitchens’ “Great Man”) and all the Atheists in Marxist countries, and Atheists like:
        http://i.imgur.com/ruuID.jpg
        If people don’t understand the Bible, that might be sad or unfortunate, but not as must as those that understand that Atheism means: “Do what ever you find rational” – which is what people like Lenin did in Marxist nations.

        1. Deathjavu

          Actually, this person’s anecdote was completely personal, you’re the one that invited the broader comparison.

          So the atheists have Stalin, Lenin, and Mao while Christians have all the popes (a very bloody and debauched list, even according to official catholic history), Hitler, the inquisition…

          Huh, this is kind of silly, isn’t it. I sure am glad no one brought a large-scale comparison into a discussion of a personal issue and then cherry-picked the worst examples to make their point. That would be just the worst.

        2. NightmareWarden

          Join the pastafarians! Hundreds upon HUNDREDS OF months after its creation, it has slaughtered no one for the glory of hir noodly-ness. Share in hir glory through holy lasagna on the most holy of days, Friday!

        3. nekobawt

          i thought atheism was just not believing that there’s one or more deities behind, well, everything. are we going the “no true scotsman” route if someone isn’t a militant rationalist?

        4. Jarid Scott

          The thing that gives religion a bad reputation is those who follow it and have this knee-jerk hyper-intolerance for anything and anyone they perceive as a threat to their world view. Are all religious individuals like that? Of course not. But they’re what spring to mind whenever I think of religion, especially Christianity, because those are the most prominent and vocal Christians. The ones trying to get people to embrace tolerance, acceptance, empathy, and love for others are usually shouted down by the ones who pick and choose what parts of the scriptures they CLAIM to follow apply to not only them but also others, based on their personal preferences.

          I have known and heard of generous, compassionate, tolerant, and loving Christians. I could provide a personal story of a really great pastor who helped my family out when we needed it most, to go along with the personal account above that its poster was so mindlessly attacked over. But the kind Christians I’ve known are massively outnumbered by those who continue to make me glad I chose reason and logic over blindly following what some guys in ancient times wrote down.

          Does that mean that there are more Christians who are self-important jerks than the nice ones who are content with their life choices and don’t need to try to snuff out any ways of life or beliefs that conflict with theirs? I’d like to believe that’s not the case. Because, you see, while I may not believe in God, I do believe in the basic goodness of human beings. Sure, at our core we are selfish animals, who must be taught kindness and respect.

          But I believe that everyone has the capacity to learn such things, and that neither religion nor atheism is responsible for teaching it. Just like there’s no way that religion or atheism are solely responsible for people being dicks to each other.

    4. Stranger

      Probably because she’s a nice person at heart, but has been force fed bullshit all her life. She’s at a precarious age where she can still be deprogrammed, before she settles into the life of a fundie.

      1. Hyperstar96

        “A nice person at heart, but has been force fed bullshit all her life”

        Are we talking about Joyce or Dorothy?

        1. Opus the Poet

          Are you kidding? Joyce of course. Dorothy was allowed to choose what she was taught based on if it made sense to her which meant she had to sit through several lessons before leaving it for something else. The fact that she was allowed to leave it for something else completely debunks the “force feeding” aspect. The only one who was not allowed to even hear any other ideas other than the one she was supposed to live by was Joyce.

          tl:dr I really hope you were being sarcastic.

  2. Mr k

    “Okay, but only if you relinquish agency to me, Joyce”

    1. Yotomoe

      “Now give me your wallet.”

    2. -Sentinel-

      yes

      1. Icalasari

        No!

        …Maybe?

        I don’t know…

        Can you repeat the question?

        1. Aizat

          You’re not the boss of me now.

        2. Jen Aside

          and you’re not so big

        3. leadsynth

          Life is not fairrrrrr

  3. Doctor_Who

    Puppy dog eyes don’t begin to describe it. Puppies could take lessons. Anime puppies.

    1. Nick J.

      She has ascended BEYOND anime puppy dog eyes!

      1. Aizat

        ..That’s good, right?

        1. MissQuinn

          As long as she never chooses to use her powers for evil.

        2. nekobawt

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuel3m5VFQA

        3. |Agent

          That dog…doesn’t get eaten, right? Right?

        4. Cybersnark

          The dog does not get eaten at this time.

        5. Dibullba

          That song is actually about the girl talking. Excel Saga for you XD

  4. Wonder Wig

    In other news, guess which South Park episode was just on TV?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I’ll bite, which one?

      1. Lavaticmay

        Is it the one where they make fun of Jesus and Christianity? Or the other one where they mock Jesus and Christianity?

        1. Seerow

          I think it was the one where they mock Christianity and Jesus. It was a real shocker.

        2. Aizat

          Dude, which one? There’s, like, a lot of them.

        3. Yotomoe

          But that’s like 20 of them.

        4. Lavaticmay

          The joke

          Your head

        5. 3oranges

          The joke was just in front of his head? Couldn’t he see it then? I’m so confused.

        6. MissQuinn

          “Like 20”? Dude, that’s like every other episode with them.
          Even if it’s not central to it, they still get in a shot or two.

        7. davidbreslin101

          Or the one where they “went too far” by mocking Scientology instead?

  5. SUGauthor

    These are rhymes you were actually taught as a kid?

    1. Durandal_1707

      Thing is, like so many religious conflicts, this one turned out to be all based on a misinterpretation.

      The original text was about HTTP servers.

      1. nekobawt

        “oh lord, let me have the drive space to accept all of your love!”

        1. Pope William T Wodium

          I think I got that spam.

        2. Shogouki

          And then you receive a trojan that steals your bank numbers and funnels away your money…

      2. Chris

        It’s true! The Hebrew alphabet’s number 6 and letter W(/V) share the same glyph/letter, so the number of the beast is actually “www” !!!*

        (*Except that it’s considered not true because the original text was in Greek and literally spelled it out with words: “six hundred + sixty + six”.)

  6. Yotomoe

    I didn’t wanna say this to your face, Joyce. But your show sounds like absolute trash.

    1. KingMabel

      So I’ll post about it anonymously on the school website!

    2. Aizat

      Darn right it is. The more I read about it, it sounds more like a brainwashing tool than anything educational. I know they mean well…but damn…

      1. Mr. Random

        The only point I can see where giving up your own agency would be a good thing is if you truly believe that you’re not a good person and your actions will hurt another unless someone stops you.

      2. Spliced

        Having grown up in a Christian household, it really is meant to mean well. That being said, it does have to be done right. It’s the difference between the kind of person who loves God and is understanding of others, and the kind of person who loves God and goes on bloody crusades.

        1. Spliced

          Then you get into the people who “Live without Law”, who are good people in their own right, they just don’t feel it necessary/aren’t ready/aren’t interested in the deeper stuff.

        2. Aizat

          Thank you, Spliced.

        3. Spliced

          (to tell you the truth, I really like FLCL and Black Butler ^_^)

        4. Aizat

          Me ,on the other hand, find deeper stuff in stuff people would think there is none.

        5. ninja_jesus

          Like in kids shows?

        6. Aizat

          Definitely…who would’ve thunk it that kids shows are a treasure trove of deep stuff?

        7. Mr. Random

          Makes sense. Most kid shows try to have some kind of lesson hidden inside, or branded across their chest.

        8. Aizat

          And a great defense against those “cartoons are for kids. Why don’t you watch something more mature?” crowds. More mature, my ass. Some of the cartoons are way better written than the crap they call mature.

        9. Bill

          True dat, bro.

        10. I'm Made Of Noodles

          The highest of fives to you for that random, yet arguably substantial remark.

        11. Aizat

          Thank you. High Five!

  7. burntnorris

    Never change, Joyce.

    1. -Sentinel-

      I dearly hope she does. As the closest DoA has to a main character, she’s supposed to undergo character development. And I think she HAS made a bit of progress. Baby steps…

      1. Yotomoe

        Also if she never changes her clothes will get all funky.

        1. Opus the Poet

          And Joyce is hard enough to be around when she’s hygenically fresh.

        2. JustCheetoDust

          Yotomoe’s right, hygiene should never be compromised. Remember to change, Joyce, and always know that a ho bath is not an acceptable substitute for taking a shower.

        3. Ancestral Hamster

          Bathing in hos is a thing? Doesn’t seem hygenic to me

        4. Yotomoe

          A clean ho is better than a dirty ho.

        5. JustCheetoDust

          Can’t argue with that logic…unless we’re talking Shaw Brothers kung fu movies.

        6. JustCheetoDust

          A ho bath is a quick wash up of the armpits, crotch, and ass using a sink, or a public fountain if no one’s around. Basically what George Carlin talked about fifteen years ago.

  8. David Herbert

    Joyce needs kitty ears and she’ll be cute as all hell.

    1. Mr. Random

      I KNEW cats went to hell.

      1. Spliced

        No way man, Sebastian Michaelis specifically states there aren’t cats in hell.

        But that could be their lack of souls…

        1. Aizat

          Or because they have 9 lives?

        2. ninja_jesus

          Or because they GUARD the underworld, not inhabit it.

        3. Mr. Random

          … I was making an ADGTH reference…

        4. ninja_jesus

          And I was making a Mummy reference. 😛 Also, your reference is a bit subtle, which is why I didn’t pick it up immediately. But I gotcha now. 😀

        5. Opus the Poet

          Not Familiar with that one, but I read DCGTH all the way through to the final page as it happened. Brutal comic.

      2. Cybersnark

        Cats go anywhere. They walk between worlds and come and go as they please.

        That’s why they hate closed doors.

    2. etybolik

      You mean she isn’t already?

    3. Nee Hou

      Not if she got them the way Yuri did.

  9. Mr k

    Wonder what Faz is doing.

    1. Yotomoe

      Wacking it.

      1. Spliced

        with a wiffell ball bat

    2. Opus the Poet

      Extracting himself from a sticky situation. Dina’s parents had duct tape under the rope. Miles and miles of it. There are literally 50 pounds of duct tape wrapped around Faz’s body. Still today (Monday after Family Weekend)

      1. John

        I don’t think that was Dina’s parents. Dina herself is the one with the alternate-universe history of solving all her problems with rope traps.

        1. Khyrin

          Of course, Dina’s parents prolly were the ones who taught her to make/utilize rope traps…

      2. JustCheetoDust

        This is Faz we’re talking about, he’s probably convinced himself that Dina was practicing shibari (or kinbaku) on him.

    3. Mkvenner

      Maybe he’s dead.

      1. metaceryn

        Something like Faz is too annoying to ever truly die.

        1. Mkvenner

          “That is not dead which can eternal lie.
          And with strange aeons even death may die.

        2. Tenn

          Ia! Ia! Fhazohlyeh fthaghn!

        3. davidbreslin101

          …and Faz’s twin brother turns out to be a tentacled behemoth with a huge Faz-face stretched across the side of it. The horror!

      2. metaceryn

        Damn it, some*one* like Faz.

        My point still stands.

  10. KingMabel

    So because that thing that I prayed about happened because you don’t know who your own neighbor is, prayer works…

    Yay Christianity!

    1. Yotomoe

      It’s god’s will to have things happen by circumstance! “If you’ve done everything right, people won’t know you’ve done anything at all”.

      1. Tom Speelman

        +5 to Yotomoe for the Futurama reference.

  11. Lavaticmay

    That face she make in the last panel gives me the impression she’s making that over-exaggerated “ooooooh” sound that one does when trying to get other to be interested in something you’re showing them.

  12. cesium133

    “Make me a server”? Be still, my bleeding heart…

    1. Yotomoe

      Alright, but you know an online server costs like $5 a month or something.

    2. Jen Aside

      “Make me a sandwich—I made him a sub”

      1. Aizat

        Oh….that kind of sub. And here I am going for the “complete with torpedoes and crew” gag.

        1. ninja_jesus

          That gag can still work. 😉

        2. Opus the Poet

          Ball Gag?

      2. cesium133

        “Okay, I’m in the kitchen. Time to make him a sandwich.”

        1. Deathjavu

          I had forgotten about both Jen Aside’s meme and that comic.

          Thank you.

      3. ocbrad1

        So. Much. Awesome!

  13. Daniel Jacobs

    is Joyce having a crisis of faith?

    1. Mkvenner

      I really hope so in the future, but not today unfortunately.

    2. begbert2

      No, Joyce’s faith is a crisis.

      Like, a train wreck. Hitting an orphanage. Falling on a giant pile of kittens. Which are on fire.

  14. newllend

    Damn, Joyce is just being a straight up Dick tonight.

    1. Aizat

      Never knew that Joyce is being a Richard.

      1. Spliced

        Now we know the truth!

      2. Willoughby Chase

        A Full On Richard The Third

        1. Annie

          So her remains are going to be found under a parking lot in 500 or so years?

    2. Yotomoe

      Mike gave your mom his straight up dick.

      1. Spliced

        I pictured Mike walking up to a random door, knocking on it, and handing the confused woman behind it a Richard plushie and then walking angrily off

        1. masterofbones

          Stupid Cale. Why couldn’t he have popularized one of my cooler titles? Like Lord of the Dance, or Mistress of Magma?

    3. Tenn

      Yeah, she’s cuter when she’s flaccid.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        “…like a moist, pink slug.”

        (obscure stand-up comedy reference)

    4. Roborat

      You called?

  15. DailyBrad

    I’ve always wanted to do this, but, DAMN YOU WILLIS!

    I watched some of Psalty and some other Christian kids shows. They actually gave me nightmares, genuinely. The mascots are creepy, of course, but I expected that. It’s the children that made my blood chill.

    Something about children singing in sweet little voices all this cult-y kind of stuff that just makes me feel very concerned. I’d be less disturbed if they cleaning weapons or something. That’d be less threatening.

    1. Doctor_Who

      That shit always creeped me the hell out. I never saw Psalty, but I had a friend who was basically Joyce, and he had a ton of this sort of stuff.

      The kids were the worst part. Half looked like they really wanted to be somewhere else, but the other half were so into it that I felt like I should be looking for lobotomy scars.

  16. Aizat

    To answer Dorothy’s question, nope. Never been given power by anyone….though with my personality, the better for it. Next thing you know, there will be piles of bodies on the street the moment I got some power.

    1. Lamachine

      Here: have some power.

      Come back in an hour and tell me how many bodies I need to pick up.

    2. Spliced

      I have. But I’m more Joyce than Dorothy… There really isn’t a malicious bone in my body.

      1. Aizat

        Yeah, to be blissfully innocent of the outside world and the horrors it has…sometimes, I do wish for that.

        1. Spliced

          Oh hell no. I’m more than aware of the world’s horrors. I could go on and on…

          I just haven’t been broken yet. I grieve, I feel, and then I get to a point where I accept this terrible thing has happened, and the world is still turning. I’m still breathing. And while I may come off a bit more guarded, I am not about to turn that same pain I have felt onto others.

        2. Spliced

          I think Joyce is in the denial stage though. A tough stage indeed.

          Guess based on her reaction of mention of “the party night”

        3. Aizat

          By the way, haven’t heard from you in a while.

        4. Spliced

          Yeah I have been going to bed early for a new job. Also, every time I think the drama in my life is over, WHAM! New crazy!

        5. Aizat

          It never ends, doesn’t it?

        6. Spliced

          Apparently not! 😀

        7. Aizat

          Oh…I’m sorry.

        8. Spliced

          Don’t be. I really can’t imagine my life otherwise. Plus it means I am really hard to sneak up on!

    3. Yotomoe

      I was a camp counselor. I abused my power. I threw children. At children. In the lake.

      1. Spliced

        So we have you to thank for those Friday the 13th movies? 😀

      2. Aizat

        …..That lake didn’t happen to be Crystal Lake, is it?

  17. Calibus

    Joyce went up 3 levels in adorableness thanks to panel 4

    1. Aizat

      Yet still being creepy. Good work, Willis. Is there are word to describe being creepy and adorable at the same time?

  18. Wack'd

    Am I correct in assuming the alt-text is to be sung to the tune of “Matchmaker” from Fiddler on the Roof?

    1. David M Willis

      nope

      1. Mkvenner

        🙁

      2. Regalli

        Because it’s Jewish, or because it includes a ghost?

        No lie, my mom grew up in a pretty religious part of PA (not Amish, but like two steps removed), and she apparently didn’t realize for years that there’s the graveyard dream sequence in Fiddler on the Roof because the theater she saw it at cut it because of the ghost bit.
        (Me: So then how’d they cover him convincing her of the marriage?
        Mom: Badly.)

        1. David M Willis

          Because that’s not the song I wrote it to.

        2. Regalli

          Aaaah’kay. Thought it might be an inherent issue with Fiddler Hymmel would object to.

    2. Jen Aside

      I can come up with a tune if it isn’t =o

      1. Jen Aside

        yay Avanna doesn’t know “whim” or “thought” =/

  19. JessWitt

    Wow, Dorothy’s taking this predicament in an unexpected direction.

    On the bright side, she and Danny now have something else to talk about awkwardly.

    1. Lamachine

      Yeah, I didn’t expect that either, but it totally makes sense. I thought she was going to worry about anger issues and etc., but she really knows nothing about Amber or why she’s got that Amazi-Girl persona, so really, all she has to think about is the fact that she now has information that could destroy a human being. Or help her.

      In any case, it’s going to be interesting to see what she does now. It’s a huge responsibility, and if anyone can deal with that, it’s Dorothy.

      1. Spliced

        I hope they talk. If only because Amazi-girl and Amber really need someone to talk to, and I think that person is Dorothy.

        1. Lamachine

          I agree. At least, I hope Dorothy tells Amber that she’s her ally, and that she’s not going to tell anyone about her secret identity. That would be a good step towards Amber actually having a friend (Danny being more of a kinda-boyfriend than just a friend, and Ethan being kinda unavailable right now).

        2. Aizat

          I can see it now: DOROTHY, ALLY OF JUSTICE.

        3. Lamachine

          OMG I WANT DOROTHY TO BECOME AMAZI-GIRL’S SIDE KICK NOW.

        4. Aizat

          Yeah, I can see Dorothy being like Oracle to Amber’s Batman.

        5. JessWitt

          Dorothy is pretty level-headed although college can change a person. I mean, she slept in through class – that’s a slippery slope right there.

    2. shietka

      Oh man! I hadn’t even considered that. If they do talk, that’ll be weird.

      1. shietka

        That is, Dorothy and Danny, about Amazi-girl/Amber.

        1. JessWitt

          Compared to the current storm brewing, their breakup’s little more than a light drizzle.

  20. Alex

    … Does Joyce realize what she’s saying?

    1. Godozo

      I’m sure she knows what she’s saying.

      What it means to others…don’t think she has any idea what’s being heard.

      1. Yotomoe

        It’s like saying a word that turns out to be a mexican cuss word.

        1. nekobawt

          basically the entire “strap-on” joke then

    2. Belegcam

      I do wonder about her choice of words. “Relinquishing agency” just isn’t the kind of thing that Christians, in my experience, say when referring to this. It’s more along the line of “putting your trust in God” or “letting God steer your actions.” Which, admittedly, mean pretty much the same thing when you get down to it, but people tend to steer more towards a personal take than an scholarly one.

      (Not intended to be a strawman comment. I know this concept is real. The specific words used to express it just seemed odd.)

      1. C.

        She picked that up from gender studies class.

      2. Tenn

        Yeah, “relinquishing agency” makes it sound like what it actually is, rather than something that’s good for you. But at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if fundies actually used the term unironically.

  21. Stephen Bierce

    *plays Talking Heads’ “Road To Nowhere” on the Muzak*

  22. Spliced

    Thank the Good Lord for Joyce for breaking this suspense which was in danger of literally killing me ::whew::

    1. Aizat

      Joyce: The Suspense Breaker.

      1. Spliced

        Mentok: The Mind Taker

        1. JustCheetoDust

          Shado: The Brain Thief

  23. John Madden

    I’ve felt like backhanding people before, does that count?

  24. Yurlibus

    She will probably keep the secret because that is what the subplot requires.
    And if the secret comes out then Dorothy should become the laughingstock of the entire journalistic program as the girl who couldn’t figure out that her next door neighbor was a violent vigilante.

  25. Marvelman

    I guess Dorothy could out Amber who would benefit more from therapy than having the whole school find out she is Amazi-Girl. But could Joyce still be friends with someone who would do something so horrible?

    1. DSL

      You’d be disgusted by what some people can be OK with if they can rationalize it as bring “for your own good.”

      1. DSL

        *being

      2. Ian

        Like getting your roommate kicked out of college, not because of her crippling depression, but because she was bringing down your grades?

        1. timemonkey

          It was a combination. She couldn’t help with the depression, it wasn’t getting any better and she was about to lose her scholarship because of it. Action had to eb taken, she took the action that would hurt her roommate the least.

    2. Galatine

      I am totally chill with Amber being outed, because it would be the best thing for her.

  26. Aslee

    My first thought after reading “relinquishing agency” in this context was “Jesus take the wheel” and I am only 75% ashamed of myself.

    1. That Guy

      You really really shouldn’t, that is an amazing first thought.

    2. Deathjavu

      That’s…kind of what “Jesus take the wheel” means.

      1. Aslee

        … Yes, I’m aware?

        1. Deathjavu

          Then why were you ashamed? You correctly identified the actual, creepy meaning of an extremely common saying. That kind of insight is a good skill to have.

  27. Mr. Random

    Was the fact that these two characters are holding things that they try to follow as much as possible part of the joke? Dorothy and Intro to Logic, Joyce and her Christian Hymnal lesson video.

    1. Mr. Random

      Wait, less joke, more… Setting? Like an interesting bonus?

  28. Aeron

    I think my recovery from childhood brainwashing worked because it took me a clean minute to realize server didn’t mean computer.

    1. Aizat

      And I thought it was about waiters and such.

      1. Spliced

        I had forgotten all about waiters and was also thinking server. And than I think, no it means God, and then I was like, no way they are asking to be made into a computer I mean come on that’s like perfect

        1. Aizat

          Though some people would like to be made into a computer..and I said, hope you like being replaced by the time they finished putting you back together.

        2. Ancestral Hamster

          Or thrown in the junkheap due to planned obsolesence.

      2. Andrusi

        Better than what I had.

        The servers are the seven Chaos. Chaos is power, enriched by the heart. The controller is the one who unifies the Chaos.

        1. Aizat

          Quick question…how do you unify Chaos? That’s like trying to cram a herd of chihuahuas that are hopped up on caffeine in a box.

        2. Heavensrun

          I tried caffeine in a box once. Hopped me up but good.

        3. Aizat

          No, no. I mean putting chihuahuas on caffeine inside a box

        4. Lone Wolf

          I don’t know, I would think it would be pretty easy to administer the caffeine to them if they’re already inside the box.

        5. EEWWW

          I think I need a bigger box!

  29. Tom Speelman

    Re: hovertext: I recognize the hymn you’re parodying and…huh; suppose it is agency-robbing.

  30. GoogerGeiger

    Dorothy doesn’t really have irrefutable proof, though. So she doesn’t really have much power over Amber.

    1. Lamachine

      I think it’s enough that she knows… I doubt, if she printed an article about it, that anyone would go “oh, but you’ve got no proof”.

      1. Spliced

        I hadn’t thought about that… Yeah, good point

      2. Aizat

        And the ones she have can be circumstantial…I think.

        1. Spliced

          I really don’t think there’s anything solid, so yeah at best circumstantial. The kind of, well no one saw her in her room! but everyone’s like, dude she NEVER LEAVES

        2. Aizat

          Yeah, who would’ve suspect someone who never leaves her room?

  31. Mkvenner

    Joyce I don’t think hymmel the hymnal wants you relinquishing agency to God. Otherwise he’ll have to give up his private jet, his hand tailored suits that he only wears once then has them burned and three mansions.

  32. MrSirk

    Hymnel the Hummy Hymel is the kind of heart warming family entertainment that’s perfect for distracting you from the dark secret you now hold over your nieghbor.

    1. shietka

      No, it’s the kind of entertainment that distracts you from the secret you now know about your neighbor, and reminds you how fucked up your best friend is.

    2. Spliced

      haha omg, that needs to be one of the info bullets on the back of this product

      1. Jen Aside

        XD

        HYMMEL THE HUMMING HYMNAL BD/DVD COMBO
        heartwarming musical entertainment for the whole family*
        – over fifty hymns to sing or hum along with
        – New International or King James Version audio options
        – perfect for distracting you from the dark secret you now hold over your neighbor
        * except the ungrateful heathens who’ve grown up and come to realize their entire childhoods were built upon a sham

        1. Tenn

          I love it when the collective consciousness of the comments section produces gold nuggets like this.

          And now, to maintain the balance: poop.

        2. JustCheetoDust

          I’m going to take that strive for balance one step further.

        3. JustCheetoDust

          * except the ungrateful heathens who’ve grown up and come to realize their entire childhoods were built upon a sham

          That last part might be too self-aware. Okay, I’m done nit-picking, great job with the write-up.

  33. newllend

    YES IM BACK! Anyway so what is Dorothy talking about Danny,Amber, or both of them?

    1. Aizat

      Or having power…she is going to be the President someday, right?

      1. Spliced

        dun dun duuuuuuun!

        Didn’t even SEE that meaning

        1. Aizat

          Well, it’s a learning experience for Dorothy anyways. Power comes at a cost and all that jazz.

  34. Bilfred

    That song sounds like it was written by a metal band.

    1. JustCheetoDust

      Clearly those lyrics are channeling Slayer’s “Angel of Death.”

  35. Jake

    I grew up in a super Christian household, but Joyce’s upbringing still manages to terrify me.

    1. Tenn

      In some parts of the world, “super Christian” just means “going to church nearly every Sunday because you really want to”.

      1. BigMadDraco

        You know I never thought I’d fit any definition of “super Christian.”

        There’s a reason I go to a church that sees it as seeking God’s help rather than relinquishing control.

  36. Regalli

    … Those lyrics.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

  37. kelticat

    I think that Dorothy should talk to Sierra about Amber/Amazigirl. After all Sierra was witness to the scene in the hallway, and Sierra knows that Blaine is not a nice guy. I think Dorothy is locked onto the idea that Amber might of beat up her own father and she’s thinking Blaine is like her own Dad.
    Sierra can say “That guy. He was chasing his own daughter FFW, shoved my Dad, and tried to beat up Ruthless. Not a nice guy.”

  38. astraea

    Oh geez, the alt-text. That’s… wow.
    Honestly, if you’re going to give your kids any religious music, let it be the soundtrack to Godspell. At least Godspell is funny. And actually good. Because Stephen Schwartz.

  39. bunivasal

    “Relinquishing agency” may be the grossest pair of words I’ve ever had the displeasure of feeling slide across my brain, and that includes today’s gross word pair: “salty mustache”.

    1. Aizat

      Why Salty Mustache?

      1. Bemmie

        Because it flavours your day!

    2. Tenn

      “Salty mustache” actually sounds kind of tasty.

      Psalty’s mustache, on the other hand…

    3. Nightsbridge

      I agree.

  40. Speedball

    …y’know this sort of thing really, really, REALLY hasn’t been my experience, is Joyce an outlier and I’ve been sheltered from the sheltered? Where I came from faith was meant to be more than a self-perpetuating supermeme.

    Though then again I’ve seen episodes of Bibleman and this is only a hop skip and a jump away from that.

    1. Nightsbridge

      Well, Joyce is supposed to be an analogue for Willis growing up in matters of faith. So . . . It’s at least a thing that happens.

  41. Bemmie

    “I’ve got that Shame, Shame, Shame, Shame, down in my gut.”
    “Where?”
    “Down in my gut!”
    “Where?”
    ‘Down in my gut!”

    “I’ve got that Shame, Shame, Shame, Shame, down in my gut, FOREVER!”

  42. wynne

    WAIT JOYCE’S HYMMAL THE HYMNAL HAS A REAL LIFE COUNTERPART.
    THAT CHILDREN ARE TOLD TO WATCH.
    WHAT THE FUCK.

    1. wynne

      Sorry for yelling, but egads.

      1. Jen Aside

        haha I already made a tune w/o noticing the linked video =?

        1. Jen Aside

          It’s kinda close, that’s weird

        2. Jen Aside

          dag, I don’t know if I should bother posting my tune now

    2. Mkvenner

      What are you talk- Oh.
      *Clears throat*
      DAMN IT WILLIS!
      I was happier without having see video of this. At least they can carry a tune.

    3. Dierna

      Yep. Psalty the Singing Song Book. He’s got a wife named Psaltina and 3 kids: Melody, Harmony, and Rithym…. oh and there’s also a dog named Blooper who’s creepy as all get out.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jVUvMbZKM4

      1. Tenn

        Haven’t followed the link, but I imagine Blooper looking like the dog from Duck Hunt, except blue.

    4. Deathjavu

      Yeah, everything about Joyce is a thing that happens in real life, to a not-insignificant percentage of the population. That’s kind of the point of the character.

      I mean, it’s in the FAQ. Joyce’s beliefs are largely autobio from Willis.

    5. FlyingFish

      I actually kinda liked the audio tapes as a kid, but I couldn’t stand the videos. Even if they weren’t horribly low budget, there is no way to make a walking, talking book not look like something from our darkest nightmares.

    6. Roborat

      Yea, crap like that is basically what convinced me God doesn’t exist. Because if he did, he would obliterate anyone responsible for producing that crap, hopefully in a spectacularly painful manner.

      1. StClair

        On a possibly similar note, my personal answer to a well-known (rhetorical?) question is “kick over your tables full of cheap, tacky WWJD? merch, just like he did to the last bunch selling crap outside the temple.”

  43. ninja_jesus

    Another opportunity for Dorothy to compromise her goals for the sake of friendship. Not that there’s anything really riding on the opportunity of getting info on Amazi-Girl; it’d just be something that looks good on a résumé.

    1. Belegcam

      I’m not sure how much weight “exposed the identity of a masked vigilante” would carry on a resume. I suppose that it is investigative journalism of a kind, but Amazi-Girl hasn’t hurt anyone (save Blaine, of course, and there are extenuating circumstances there.) Heck, I can see it being used against her in a campaign.

      “When she was attending Indiana University, Dorothy Keener put a stop to the crimefighting exploits of the costumed hero Amazi-Girl. After Amazi-Girl was forced to retire, crimes on campus increased by 200%. Is this the kind of leader you want in office?”

      “Dorothy Keener: Soft on Crime.”

      1. Cybersnark

        It would all depend of if she’s applying for a job at the Daily Bugle or the Daily Planet.

        1. Aizat

          If it’s the Daily Bugle, expect stuff like “Amazi-Girl: Threat or Menace?”. Though at least J. Jonah Jameson is more interesting than Perry White.

  44. Tomas

    Those lyrics in the alt text fit the profile of Christian songs that sound like odes to kinky sex.

    1. Tarnagh

      Or a hyper-religious fast food chain. “Welcome to Holy Cow, home of the Hallelujah Burger. Would you like Fundy Fries with that?”

    2. jy2

      “Let me submit to you, so that you can fill me with your love.”

      …if I were a better artist (and had some clue what I was drawing), I might try doing fundie-themed Rule 34 sometime.

  45. Dierna

    Man… that Psalty vid. That’s the Charity Churchmouse one! I actually saw that live as a kid at a church conference. “Make Me A Servant” makes sense if you see the whole thing (especially where that biatch Charity is concerned).

  46. Ingrid

    totes grew up on Psalty I wasn’t from that generation… buuuuut my brothers were. So we still had the records, and the tapes. And the camps I was counselor at sang the songs. Oh god. I’m gonna need to go watch some porn now while reading some feminist/socialist literature. Just to… clear the pipes.

    1. Lanval

      That sounds like a plan.

      I never saw this before. Initially it seemed alright if I could understand why it was troubling to some. Then the Chorus came in. That’s when it went full Children of the Corn on me.

    2. Rabid Rabbit

      Surely listening to the song while watching porn would do? Or is the risk of ruining porn forever too much to risk?

  47. Idon'tcarenomore

    Adorable my ass, if I saw that face in that pose, shoving that book at me, I’d run like Hell.

    She looks possessed. And I guess, she is actually.

    Glad Dorothy proved me wrong, maybe. I was pretty sure she would do anything for a story to get ahead. But, now she is thinking her actions over, and that is pretty heavy character development.

    A lot heavier, Imo, than Joyce’s religious mania.

    1. timemonkey

      It’s almost like Dorothy is a nice, reasonable person and not someone terrible looking to screw others over for her own benefit.

      1. David M Willis

        We can’t know for sure until she demonstrates it at least sixty times.

  48. Idon'tcarenomore

    Thanking the path that I walk, that I did not get exposed to that stuff Ingrid.
    Knew it was out there, and ignored it.

  49. Nono

    Dorothy in panel 2 looks like she’s turning up her nose in a haughty manner.

    “You DARE insinuate I still need to go to the hospital? OFF WITH HER HEAD.”

  50. Charles Phipps

    This is why I’m a Christian existentialist. God gave us minds to use them.

    Brings the best of Nietzsche and Christianity, to both’s horror!

    1. Lanval

      Try Pascal! He’s an interesting mix; A proto-existentialist who thinks that Human will in itself is isolated and fallen and only by renouncing agency completely can we overcome ennui to achieve a full and complete state once more.

      1. Jen Aside

        How about athorism? Or somniatheism? The former is the belief that there is no Thor and the latter is the belief in an unconscious (therefore, nonparticipatory) God.

      2. Rabid Rabbit

        But the problem is that Pascal came up with his wager, which argues that it’s possible to decide to believe just in case god is real. Which is… problematic, to say the least.

        1. StClair

          It’s certainly possible to choose to believe things – even things for which, were we to look at them, there’s evidence that it might not actually be so. But the thought process described in the Wager is just so… calculated. I remain unconvinced that the cold, logical application of game theory can result in genuine, heartfelt faith.

          (I also have the mental image of Pascal turning up in the afterlife and being greeted with a sarcastic, “Well, look who thinks he’s —-ing clever.”)

  51. Thasvaddef

    Joyce seems surprisingly OK with the possibility of Dotty being engaged in hanky-panky.

  52. Leonou

    Wait, doesn’t watching “Hymnel the Hymnal” videos break the moral contract between Joyce and Dorothy not to preach each other out of their religious views (or lack thereof) ?
    I mean, there doesn’t seem to be fundamental differences between those videos and the Chick Tracts Joyce promised she wouldn’t give to Dorothy.

    1. timemonkey

      Joyce isn’t trying to convert Dorothy, just share some thing she enjoyed as a child. To her this is no different than Ethan showing her Transformers or Dexter and Monkey Master. WE see the difference but I don’t think she does.

      1. MO

        I kinda like that idea. At first I had thought that Joyce was acting contrarily to what she had previously learned, but looking at it your way makes her actions make a lot more sense.

  53. Oogi

    “Hymnel the Hymnal” reminds me a lot of these videos they made us watch when I was a kid and being raised Mormon.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4WDl4ozam8

    so very manipulative

  54. Blue Dragon

    I was briefly gobsmacked by the conclusion that knowing Amazi-Girl’s identity meant she didn’t need to interview A-G’s potential victim.
    It took a moment, but I’m amused that Dorothy finds it unthinkable that A-G could possibly beat her own father to such a degree. Obviously Danny’s admonishment to give Amazi-Girl some space is because she is very sad about him being in the hospital.
    A perfectly reasonable conclusion given a very limited number of facts. You can hear it in her expression of condolence as she left Amber’s room.

  55. Animal

    (Reflecting on the Lord’s Prayer)

    “Thy will be done? No Muslim claiming to be a ‘slave of God’ ever surrendered his free will so completely.”

    – Jubal Harshaw

  56. Angel

    okay, 1, he IS an anthropomorphic book…wow, and 2, they ACTUALLY teach a lesson about relinquishing agency!? I’m always hearing christians saying atheists just don’t want to be accountable for their actions but avoiding accountability seems to be all christians ever do.

    1. nothri

      Yes, I am certain your sweeping generalizations will prove to be far more accurate and true than the same sweeping generalizations people have been making about you.

  57. Jen

    Ugh. For every religious thing Joyce wants to make Dorothy do, she should be willing to read/watch something of Richard Dawkins, an essay from “The Book Your Church Doesn’t Want You to Read”, or some other Atheist essay, video, article, etc. 😛

    1. ninja_jesus

      You know that’s never gonna happen, which is the hypocrisy of the whole situation. Dorothy is way more open minded and accommodating than Joyce is when it comes to religion.

      1. Mr. Morningstar

        It’s hilarious to hear Jesus talk about this.

      2. Jen

        Agreed, ninja_jesus. But maybe if Dorothy countered with that whenever Joyce asked, Joyce would stop pestering her about it. It worked for me and door-to-door campus ministry people when I was in college.

        Probably won’t work with Joyce, but hey, I can naively hope, can’t I? 😉

  58. SilverArrowArtemis

    Dorothy: I want an interview.
    Amber: No.
    Dorothy: Would you rather I out you instead?
    Amber: Go ahead.
    Dorothy: …So you don’t care if tell everyone you’re Amazi-Girl?
    Amber: Was Amazi-Girl. Not anymore.
    Dorothy: You’ve giving up? But this campus needs you!
    Amber: You’re blackmailing me and then saying I’m needed?
    Dorothy: Well… I-I just though-

    Yeah, I’m not gonna finish that. Feel free to end it.

    1. Kintrex

      Lesbian makeouts

    2. MO

      Amber: Why are you blackmailing me and then saying I’m needed?

      Dorothy: Uh, that’s because… I’m… multidimensional?

  59. Cybersnark

    Server error.

    1. Aizat

      Error 404: Server not found.

  60. MrSirk

    OH MY GOD!….it’s real.

  61. apostateCourier

    …wow yeah that stuff is really horrible.

  62. Hinoron

    O_O Dear Lord! That show is REAL???

    …perhaps I should have selected a better exclamation for this outburst of incredulity. ^_^;

    1. Aizat

      All I could say is…thank God this wasn’t in my country. We got enough nightmare fuel in Malaysia as it is.

  63. Julez

    Fucking hell, that show really exists? Seriously, the dude in the book costume is creepy.

  64. Al Schroeder

    In all honesty—and I haven’t read the whole Dumbiverse, so if there was a character there like that, to counterpoint Joyce, don’t hit me….but I would enjoy seeing a non-fundamentalist Christian character, a C.S. Lewis/Dorothy L. Sayers-type, to contrast Joyce with. There are a lot of Christians perfectly comfortable with evolution, gay marriage, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Joyce’s earnest fundamentalism, but it would be nice, once in a while, to see that’s not the only stance a believer can have.

    1. Chris

      There are probably many, but they sort of blend in to the background, like you’d expect. Agatha, Mary and Sierra (Dorothy’s roommate) are confirmed churchgoers.

    2. Heatth

      There are plenty of those, actually. As Chris said, there are a few confirmed churchgoers in the comic already. And Billie also said she believes in god at one point (she doesn’t go to church, though).

      There are probably others too. We just don’t know because it is not relevant. Dorothy’s own atheism wouldn’t be mentioned if she wasn’t friend with Joyce (it is the only context where it comes up).

    3. David M Willis

      In all honestly, I would enjoy being able to openly depict my own personal experiences with religion without folks goin’ all NOT ALL MEN CHRISTIANS on me.

      1. Julez

        It’s seriously gotta suck that people don’t realize that you’re not making a strawman, but a legit thing that you actually have experience with. I’m sorry so many people suck, dude.

      2. kodra

        People are defensive, and we feel very comfortable in large herds. The problem is groups are not homogenous. There are plenty of people in the christian movement who are good people trying to make the world a better place, but it’s a topic worthy of debate as to whether or not the christian movement to date has been beneficial to humanity.

        A lot of bad shit has happened under it’s auspices and a lot of bad shit continues to happen.

        Thanks for playing the Psalty song. Gives me a walk down my childhood memory lane. Did you also jam out to DC Talk and Jars of Clay?

      3. Al Schroeder

        Look, Dave, I like Joyce; and I knew it’s your own experience, and if you just want to channel that, that’s your right and your muse. I can only, as a reader, express an opinion of what might make an already-enjoyable strip more enjoyable, and might have some comic opportunities in the contrast. I didn’t want to offend the creator of a strip I am really enjoying. Some pointed out other characters are religious without being fanatics, something I hadn’t noticed.

        Carry on. It was just a mild suggestion and we all have to follow our own muses–even if it’s Hymmel the Hymnel, in Joyce’s case. *Grin*

  65. bexalew

    As some one that watched Psalty the singing Songbook, Adventures in Odyssey, McGee and Me, Veggie Tales, Duncan the Doughnut Man, and a whole bunch of other Christian children’s music groups, this kind of makes me sad. As an adult now, I may not hold the beliefs that I did as a child, and I struggle with whether or not there’s a spirit controlling my life, but I feel like I would be considered an idiot if I talked about how much I enjoyed all of them as a kid. I might not have been brainwashed to the point where I believe in it now, but those were songs and stories that I really enjoyed as a child, and I can understand that mocking Joyce is fun because she doesn’t think things through, but as someone that adored Psalty as a child this is just starting to hurt.

    1. vegita

      vegie tales is awesome

      1. Rosie

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13DvXLdr_H4
        Joyce is totally Veggie Tales generation more than Psalty generation. Is there a Dumbiverse equivalent?

        1. Bill

          Not necessarily.  If one is home-schooled by fundy parents one will probably get the same thing the parents got when they were children.  Thus, Hymmel/Psalty would be the go-to rather than Veggie Tales.

  66. Futschi

    Holy fracking shit, it really exists. I thought you made this Hymmel the Hymnal guy and his series up but there it is, it’s real.
    You guys (americans, or rather religious americans) take your beliefs way too seriously!
    On the other hand, having stuff like that makes it a lot more immersive for children, which explains why it’s so much more of a movement nowadays on your side of the atlantic than on our side over here (where there’s not much of a religious TV-series/Video-game culture providing content to the young and easily influenced).
    We just have stories from books that don’t feel that much in line with the reality we know so it’s a lot easier for children to dismiss them.

    1. Amphakhet

      We take everything too seriously, or at least in the wrong kind of seriously. Sports, politics, philosophy…

  67. Jack Finch

    Boy, and I thought Davy and Goliath was painful.

  68. Ender

    That video… That video is a war crime. Did they ever catch who made that? Was there a trial?

    1. Deathjavu

      When it gets right down to it, that’s a lot of the same kind of language that’s used in the bible. And if the bible’s considered ok, so’s the video…

      1. Ender

        Well, that would explain it.

  69. OmegaDez

    *kicks Dorothy*

    1. OmegaDez

      It’s kinda different, but this reminds me of this girl I knew who always wanted us to watch yaoi with her because she did watch our shows with us and it was only fair.

      I never understood her mentality.

      1. winter

        The logic is pretty simple. You shared something you cared about with me and I listened (watched your show), so now please listen when I share something I care about (watch my show).

        Isn’t it normal to watch things with friends you aren’t super interested in, and vice versa, simply for the fun of each other’s company?

        I’m not saying that you should have watched the yaoi. Like the humming hymnal, I can see it going beyond uninteresting show, and moving towards really unenjoyable to watch. But the mentality

    2. Ender

      ohpleaseohpleaseohplease….

  70. The_Master

    Dorothy- later: “that’s so stupid” much later: “God?”

    If she’s at all like me.

  71. Amphakhet

    “Relinquishing agency”. That’s just…

  72. chris73

    I was brought up without any religion in my life so is there some subtext to all this I’m missing apart from having to give up your free will?

    1. GDwarf

      No, that’s about it. Some of the more authoritarian branches of Christianity hold that believers (*especially* women) should give up all free will to God. You’re supposed to pray before taking any major action and to let the holy spirit direct you down the right path.

      What it usually amounts to is people being blamed for bad things happening to them (“Well, if you’d only listened to God/not been so selfish and done your own thing…”), the powerful claiming that God endorses everything they do, and women being told that doing anything proactive is against God’s will and, as such, wrong.

      1. chris73

        Thanks for that, I really enjoy this comic but its hard for me to understand that there are people like Joyce out there as I’ve never come across anyone like that

  73. Sammie1053

    is it bad that the lyrics Willis keeps coming up with for Hymmie are making me want to strangle everything? I’ve never been all that anti-religion, but i seriously hope those lyrics aren’t a childhood throwback, because they’re legitimately the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

    1. Jen Aside

      They are a *slight* exaggeration =|

  74. Safgaftsa

    Hymnel looks like Ryan.

  75. Adork

    I’m scared now. I watched the video and was a bit put off. I hate to put it out like that but the last thing a person of color needs to hear is how servitude is good. But was scared me is that I was watching this on my phone and it would not stop. It buffered but the song wouldn’t stop, I pressed pause, it wouldn’t stop, I couldn’t get away from it. And then I had a thought at the back of my head, what if God was trying to tell me something.

    I had to reboot my phone to get it to stop.

  76. LaShawn

    OMIGOSH PSALTY!!!!!

    Though we had Colby the Christian Computer. Much better songs, in my opinion. Never saw the TV show, but we played the hell out of the audio tape.

  77. Angus McCarthy

    Oh my god, I thought it was all a joke….

  78. Charlie B. B.

    Holy F****** S***!!! Hymmel the Humming Hymnal is a real thing! I thought that was made up to be outrageous and stupid, but while searching the archives for something, I saw that there was a video and I am watching it now and now I am doubting that there is a God after all.

  79. tahrey

    I was going to write something about being disappointed that Joyce’s copy was on DVD not VHS and so they didn’t need to go on a wacky adventure to find a VCR…

    …but then I saw the attached Youtube video and my entire world fell apart.

    FSCKING HELL, THIS THING’S *REAL*?!

  80. Rheios

    Okay on one hand – The song itself wasn’t TOO bad. Like the whole “lifting up the weak” thing sounds pretty heroic, or at least not overtly bad. (Calling yourself a servant isn’t even too terrifying, so long as you’re doing it based on free will and a commitment to something. I’m not much of one but I’m several shades too Randian to be) I could do without the ‘meek’ part. But freakin’ EH that guy had ALL the crazy eyes at the beginning. That was genuinely terrifying.*cringe*

  81. ThatGuy

    I’m going to assume Willis somehow got the funding to produce that himself because i refuse to believe there was a television show like that!

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