208

Splitsville
Posted on May 5, 2015 by David M Willis
DoAbook4frontcover666Just twenty-four hours left in the Dumbing of Age Book 4 Kickstarter!  Holy crap!  There's not much time left to grab up the remaining slots in the various pledge tiers.  And remember, every pledge for a physical book gets you a free Joyce magnet! As we're winding down, I thank everyone for contributing to this Kickstarter's amazing success!  I couldn't make these books without you, and hopefully with all these character magnets and whatnot, I made it a little more fun for everyone.

208 thoughts on “Splitsville”

  1. Jen Aside

    but not PIXELLY

    GET IT LOLOLOLOL

    …

    *goes over there now*

    1. Doctor_Who

      And think about what you’ve done!

    2. boomwolf

      Bad! Bad Jen! Go to your room. No softserve for you tonight! Instead, you get tapioca!

      1. Xailenrath

        GAH! I wouldn’t wish tapioca on my wors– no. Come to think of it, that’s EXACTLY what I’d wish on my worst enemy. That, and to be on the wrong side of AmaziGirl’s ire!

        1. Khrene

          “The Wrong Side of Ire”

          Thats a good name for a song!

      2. Time Sage

        Sorry, there’ no tapioca left. I ate it and it waS delecious.

    3. TachyonCode

      You may just be on a vector to the down-below… 😀

  2. DarkoNeko

    The leather jacket is powerful in this one.

    1. otusasio451

      Well, May the Fourh be with you, too!

      1. otusasio451

        TYPO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

        1. Gentleman Mummy

          Revenge of the Fifth.

        2. Charles

          I have that some mornings.

        3. Dibullba

          More curious why people are going with Fifth rather than Sixth =P It literally has “Sith” in the name.

        4. Rich

          Because that’s tomorrow.

        5. merbrat

          I use Revenge of the 5ith.
          Causes double-takes.

        6. Clif

          Which goes well with your avatar.

  3. Kris

    Becky-Now I gotta vamoose baby doll!

    1. otusasio451

      Like greased LIGHTnin’!

      1. boomwolf

        Hot diggity- darn!!

  4. otusasio451

    Now picturing Amber in a human-sized hamster ball. It is glorious.

    1. Doctor_Who

      You mean the Amazi-Sphere.

      Batman eat your heart out. Criminals flee in terror when Amaz-Girl comes down the street in that thing.

      They see her rollin…

      1. DarkoNeko

        …they runnin’

        1. otusasio451

          I’m rollin’ over criminals, I’m rollin’ dirty.

        2. Deanatay

          Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
          Think I’m just too white ‘n’ nerdy
          I’m just so white ‘n’ nerdy
          Look at me, I’m white ‘n’ nerdy

    2. Kaoy

      Relevant:

      http://cdn.themetapicture.com/pic/images/2014/10/12/funny-extroverts-bubble-hamster-ball.jpg

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        Referral Denied

        You don’t have permission to access “http://cdn.themetapicture.com/pic/images/2014/10/12/funny-extroverts-bubble-hamster-ball.jpg” on this server.

        Reference #24.9e1aa4c6.1430878160.173bfe44

        Boo.

        1. Rich

          Weird, link works fine for me. Google “funny extrovert hamster ball” and you can get the images that way. Add “metapicture” and get the full page.

  5. Captain Batson

    So… no contacting Amazi-Girl, then? Understandable.

    1. Dean

      They’d need to set up the Amazi-Signal, and that’s a hassle.

      1. Rycan

        If it’s a clear day, you need to start a forest fire in order to get some smoke to reflect the signal off of.

        1. DarkoNeko

          I guess batman is lucky Gotham is a polluted industrial city.

      2. Zan Thrax

        Instead of a silhouetted spotlight pointed at the clouds, the amazi-signal could just be a penis on a whiteboard. That seemed to get her attention in the past.

        1. Someone

          Cop: Amazi-Girl were glad you could come.

          Amazi-Girl: is it the whiteboard dingdong bandit

          Cop: Yes

          *Lightning Crack*

  6. Nick Piers

    Faster than a speeding hamster!

    1. otusasio451

      Able to leap tall Habitrails in a single bound!

      1. Stephen Bierce

        I thought Willis would NEVER use that word again!

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Able to chow down baby hamsters in a single gulp.

      1. Portmanteaust

        I think you may have been misinformed about how hamsters work…

        1. The Master

          Yes, it takes more than one gulp for them to chow on their spawn. 😛

  7. Spencer

    Becky is the bomb diggity. She’s gonna blow this shindig and razzle dazzle them molls.

    1. Halloween Jack

      She’s gonna blow this popstand and skidoo! Reet and petite!

  8. Hoboturtle

    “You’re a gosh darn hamster” Becky said as she checked out that butt.

    1. Rich

      The fact that hamster butts are fuzzy and have vestigial tails makes that decidedly unsexy. Well, unless you’re into that sort of thing.

      1. Someone

        Someone probably is

        1. TheSuicidalGiraffe

          …is that …is that someone you?

        2. Someone

          wow my name is great for double meanings, and no no no
          i need to take a cold shower now

        3. Rich

          But…but people usually take a cold shower after being aroused…ah, yeah, you know what, never mind. Everybody has their kinks.

        4. Someone

          AUGH

        5. Yet_One_More_Idiot

          Nope, that someone is me. Amber with a furry butt and a cute little stubby tail? Sign me up plz. 😀

        6. Rich

          Is that avatar Were-Giraffe By Night?

  9. Doc

    Hey Willis, with the kickstarter winding down and probably not hitting 65k, what would the 65k stretch be? Maybe a Becky magnet?

    1. David M Willis

      Becky’s not in Book 4, so she wouldn’t be appropriate for this round. I’m also thinking there’s gonna be no more additional pledge tiers, ‘cuz unless we pass $65k in the next hour or so, there’s not gonna be much time left to dedicate to pledging to any new tiers.

      1. Doc

        I completely forgot Becky wasn’t in the fourth one. And you’ve got a point, not really much of a point to dedicate a pledge to something that would at most have a window of 15 hours or so.

        Still fun to wonder.

  10. JessWitt

    The power of the leather jacket compels you, Becky.

    Amber’s rushing over to Ethan, is she?

    1. DarkoNeko

      That or to break Joyce’s face.

    2. Rich

      Just more comfirmation that anything Sal’s worn becomes so saturated with cool that it alters the behavior of the wearer.

      Maybe if she loaned Jason a shirt or something he’d be less Jason?

      1. DarkoNeko

        The idea of Jason in a leather jacket, on a bike (but still a bowtie), is hilarous.

  11. Kernanator

    “A hamster,” Amber thinks to herself as she runs down the hall. “I should get one of those.”

    1. Rycan

      Will there be artillery involved this time?

      1. Someone

        Hey, Rycan are you the same Rycan over in itsWalky with a different gravatar? The one with Walky?

        1. Rycan

          Yeah, just switched email. I also use the same username in Disqus, with a watermelon as an avatar.

    2. saki

      “Amazi-girl and her Amazi-hamster, getting criminals together! She fights’em, he bites’em!”

      1. DarkoNeko

        “Go for the eyes, Boo!”

        1. Roborat

          Heh, I was thinking the same thing.

    3. Rycan

      Heh, hamster.

      And Ethan thought he was through with being badgered by ex-girlfriends today.

      1. Rycan

        Dammit! That was not a reply!

    4. DarkoNeko

      “A den of stinking evil. Cover your nose, Boo. We will leave no crevice untouched!” *squeak squeak*

    5. Nono

      “Snrks. That sounds like a good name.”

    6. Deanatay

      Amazi-hamster?

    7. fogel

      SPOILERZ Shortpacked Amber had hamsters

  12. Knifleman

    Is Becky in the last panel surprised, staring at Amber’s butt, or both? It’s hard to tell.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Both. Amber’s butt is surprisingly toned.

      1. boomwolf

        She must do a lot of running.

        1. JessWitt

          And jumping, and landing.

        2. saltchocolate

          And grappling, according to Danny.

        3. Tacos

          It’s almost as if she’s a masked vigilante >.>

        4. DarkoNeko

          Nah, that’s Other Rachel

  13. Dean

    Becky hates to see Amber go, but she loves to watch her leave.

  14. sun tzu

    Rejoice, Amber, for the Worst Relationship is over and done with!
    Now you just need to hope Ethan doesn’t steal your boyfriend.

    1. John

      Just borrowing him for a bit is okay, though.

      1. Rycan

        And try not to break his spine. Taking him to the bookbinder is a hassle.

  15. Mr. Random

    “Suit Yourself.”

    1. Em

      Double meanings ftw

  16. Cerberus

    Confirmed: Leather Jackets cause Linguistic Time Travel.

  17. boomwolf

    Gosh dang, that dame is spry!!!

  18. Someone

    soon Becky will reach her ultimate form: Fonzie.

    1. NinjaNick

      Ayyyy…

    2. HMRC4EVR

      Then what’s her Mega Form? Or does she need to biomerge with someone to get that?

      1. desolation0

        coming soon to Slipshine

      2. Kaida

        I… never expected to see a reference to that here. I think you just made my night!

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      Will Becky have shark-jumping powers then?

  19. Jason

    Joyce invited Amber *and* Amazi-Girl? Oh, the hijinks what may ensue!

    1. Rycan

      I think Amazi-Girl was uninvited before she was actually invited. But leave it to Becky to read everything out loud.

      1. Rich

        Maybe Joyce just wasn’t sure if Dorothy really knew how to contact her? Or she figured that asking a superhero to a dorm party was taking her away from important crime-fighting stuff?

        1. Fish

          I suspect the latter.

  20. Koms

    Amber and Amazigirl…
    Neither may attend while the other attends.

    1. neeks

      Good thing one just RSVP’d in the negative, then.

    2. Deanatay

      “Isn’t it weird how Amber and Amazi-Girl are never in the same room…?”
      “Amber’s a reclusive shut-in, she’s always in her room.”
      “Oh, right.”

  21. caesaria82

    Cutest gosh-danged hamster ever.

    1. AgentKeen

      Becky: “I think I just turned lesbian… oh wait, I knew that already”

      1. Rich

        And Becky’s self-evaluated Kinsey rating rises another point or two…

    2. Rich

      Which is saying something considering real golden hamsters have been carefully bred for pretty much nothing but cuteness for almost 75 years.

  22. AgentKeen

    Amazi-girl’s powers actually come from Amber getting bit by her pet ham, Snkrs, after it played in some bio-hazard waste.

    1. you can't see me

      that gives you immunity to criticism?

      1. Fish

        no one’s bark is as strong as that hamster’s bite!

  23. Opus the Poet

    Becky and Joyce swear alike…

    1. saki

      Growing up together in a little fundie bubble will do that to you.

      1. Safgaftsa

        Growing up anywhere will do that to you. Geographical regions often have consistent vernaculars, especially in rural areas.

        1. saki

          True. But here it’s specifically a fundie thing because of the not-actually-cussing thing. Is what I was thinking anyways.

    2. Rich

      Sal’s got some unusual speech patterns too. Look at her dialog back in the parking lot brawl with Amber. She sounds like she’s channeling the spirit of Yosemite Sam. Lot of surprisingly G-rated cussing going on there.

  24. JessWitt

    There you go, Becky, all James Dean-ing this and Fonz-ing that.

  25. segnosaur

    Is anyone else curious about why Amber is running out? I am assuming its because of the news that Joyce and Ethan have split up… But is she rushing to console her friend? Holding slim hopes at restarting a romantic relationship with Ethan?

    1. saki

      I think she’s going to see Ethan to ask him about how they broke up exactly, see if he’s finally decided to be out (again) and all that.

    2. Corey

      She’s going to talk to Ethan about it because she’s his best friend. She is in a relationship and would not be hoping to rekindle things with Ethan. There’s nothing to really question here.

      1. segnosaur

        But the question is, why rush/run? Even if its just a case of a friend talking to another friend, it doesn’t seem like something you’d need to run to.

        1. AtomsOrSystems

          She may be sincerely worried about either Ethan or Joyce. Remember, she realized a little bit ago that Ethan is effectively Joyce’s method of feeling safe… anywhere outside of her room. It would worry me, too, if I heard they brok up (with no additional context).

        2. saki

          Getting a bit carried away out of surprise, maybe?

        3. timemonkey

          Last time she left him to his own devices he started dating Joyce after crawling back into the closet. She needs to get in there and support looking for a boyfriend as fast as she can.

        4. saki

          Also, make sure he stays away from Mike.

        5. Rycan

          Because Amber knows that it’s insane to even consider dating Mike.

        6. saki

          Reference to one of the other universes? I’m still sort of in the middle of reading those on itswalky.com (I’m at beginning of July 2013 according to upload date)

        7. Clif

          Yep. Other universe Amber and Mike were a thing.

        8. Rycan

          Yeah, Amber is in Shortpacked!, which has its own separate site.

        9. fogel

          Amber, Ethan, Mike: oh my!

        10. fogel

          The Walkyverse includes Shortpacked which is a bizarre spinoff of Its Walky/Walky & Joyce, and features guest appearences by most of the cast from those two, Not to mention a trip to a parallel Shortpacked timeline/universe. SPOILERZ OR a preview to make your head spin:
          http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=1804

        11. DarkoNeko

          Which will hopefully not be danny.

        12. Em

          I think Ethan is a smart enough guy to not go after his best friend’s boyfriend. And while Danny is sexually attracted to Ethan, I don’t think he’s going to throw away a relationship he clearly is happy with. Also he’s still in a confused and upset phase, I think Ethan openly and obviously coming on to him would just make him mad.

        13. timemonkey

          It’s too soon for Ethan/Danny, no matter how much I want it. There are other possibilities for Ethan to get his first taste of dude love.

    3. saltchocolate

      Willis certainly made her expressions and words ambiguous enough to keep us guessing for another night . . . #damnyouwillis

    4. Rycan

      First, she probably wants to be there for Ethan, even if the whole thing was a sham to begin with. But, she may also want to find out who broke it off, and why.

      Oh, and I think Amber would be the last person in the world to blatantly disregard the fact that Ethan is gay.

      1. DarkoNeko

        And whose knees she has to go break now.

      2. Lord Stoneheart

        I definitely took it as Amber rushing off to be supportive of Ethan, and to find out the whole story. (Who broke up with who exactly). If Joyce broke up with Ethan, (which we know is what happened but Amber doesn’t) then Amber will probably want to be there for emotional support. Especially in the hopes that he doesn’t try to shove himself back in the closet, and try the sham again with the next girl willing to play along.

        Though with what Amber knows about why Joyce was dating Ethan in the first place, I wonder if Amazi-Girl will have another conversation with Joyce in an attempt to be emotionally supportive.

  26. Plasma Mongoose

    Less of a hamster and more of a squirrel…

    1. Someone

      But we already have a squirrel related superhero

      1. neeks

        Uncriticizeable Amazi-Girl?

    2. Leadsynth

      This is not the time for wordplay!

      1. saki

        It is always the time for wordplay!

    3. hof1991

      Amazi-Girl is immune to critter-ism. So no comparing her to rodents of any kind.

      1. Rich

        So no furry fanfic featuring her as an anthropomorphic hamster, then.

    4. AustKyzor

      Now I want Grace to be part of the Dumbiverse…

      1. Rich

        That would pretty much guarantee Tedd coming along too. Not that I’d have a problem with that, mind you.

  27. Bagge

    Amber is best hamster

    1. saltchocolate

      Ambster!

      1. Roborat

        Hamber?

  28. jaxx sentinel

    The Fonz is strong with this one

  29. neeks

    The butterflies may not fly away this chapter, but there sure are a lot of eyebrows getting air so far.

    1. DarkoNeko

      *ding ding ding*
      Ok, everyone can stop commenting now, we have a winner !

      1. Rycan

        But I was having fun!

        1. DarkoNeko

          aw. Ok then.

    2. neeks

      Well crap, the butterflies are actually flying away, I knew I should have doublechecked the chapter title. Oh well, amend (embed?) my original comment to the butterflies being eyebrows or something.

      1. neeks

        Speaking of proofreading, “embed” was supposed to be “emend”, which is totally a word, and one my kindle doesn’t know apparently.

        1. Rycan

          Huh, learn something new every day. ‘Emend’ is also the brand name of a drug that stops nausea and vomiting due to chemo. Ironically, one of the potential side effects of Emend is nausea.

        2. Rich

          Oh hey, that’s the brand name for aprepitant. Had a friend who was on the stuff as an antidepressant during a clinical trial. Seemed to work okay for him, anyway.

        3. Deanatay

          I think you mean “Amend”.

        4. neeks

          At some point I gained the linguistic impression that “amend” is “to add” and “emend” is “to replace”. How accurate this impression is remains to be seen, but I think I read about it in a tumblr reblog composed by a professional editor; that being said, I/we could always Google it, which I’ll be doing after posting this comment that probably no one will see anyway except very thorough archival readers. Hi guys!

      2. Gigafreak

        The title in the chapter list has the “won’t” in it! It’s just the URL that doesn’t.

        Rebuild of Dumbing of Age 5.0: The Butterflies (Won’t) Fly Away

        1. neeks

          Yeah, just noticed that. Eyebrows getting air instead or also or whatever is even going on idefk anymore

    3. fogel

      Eyebrow air! That is a totes awesome term/concept for Willis-toons! Like, how much air do different characters eyebrows make in various situations–do they completely leave their heads behind only make it up i to their hair? If they leave their head, how far?

  30. Mr. T

    With the “NSFW” banner on the left cropped so tightly, it looks like Walky is the one gettin it on with the teacher’s aide

    1. Tacos

      Dang it. Now I can’t see it as anything other than that.

    2. Rycan

      The hair and the glove give Sal away, though.

      1. Rich

        Now, now. For those who really want it to be Walky in that clipped shot, just pretend he’s cosplaying as Sal at Jason’s request.

    3. Em

      I saw it as Sal and Dorothy for a split second.

      1. Rich

        I’m virtually certain Dorothy should feel insulted by that. But hey, another scenario where Walky cosplaying as Sal is vaguely plausible.

        1. fogel

          He’d have to look out fof Joes hands…

      2. John

        I interpreted it as Mike and Sal at first glance.

  31. Megatron

    Next time on Dumbing of Age

    Amber: Why didn’t you tell you tell me you’d broken up with Ethan?

    Tune in tomorrow to read Ethan’s response.

    1. neeks

      Did you mean “why didn’t you tell me you’d broken up with Joyce?” Although arguably, being as he’s still in the closet, Ethan is somewhat divorced from himself, which Amber does know about.

      Though as to why he didn’t immediately tell Amber about it there’s a chance he’d like to process the event himself before informing all his loved ones.

      1. Megatron

        I hate all fleshling languages.

        While I’m at it: why am I the only Deception who speaks in English in the live action Transformers?

        1. David M Willis

          Barricade, Starscream, Frenzy, Laserbeak, and Lockdown would all like a word. Maybe Galvatron, too, depending.

    2. StClair

      And we’re still on Planet Namek.

  32. Nono

    SIERRA’s not invited!? FOR SHAME!

    I assume Billie and Sal are invited, just further down the list before Becky got interrupted.

    1. segnosaur

      Its also possible that Joyce and Becky split the list of invites, and Joyce is tracking down Sal and Billie right now. Or maybe Becky already ran into them earlier.

      1. hof1991

        So then Amber wouldn’t know Sal might be there. Hijinks ensue.

        1. Roborat

          Wrong webcomic.

        2. Clif

          DamnYouWillis’s ensue.

  33. Rich

    So, Amber was planning on skipping the party to go crime fighting, right? Saturday night on campus is probably a prime time to run “errands” of that kind, and she did recently get a nudge to remind her she should be tracking down Ryan. Being a superhero really eats into your social life, especially when you haven’t chosen “millionaire philanthropist socialite” as a secret ID.

    Of course, the Ethan situation will derail that plan, at least for a while.

  34. Adam Black

    I got it!!
    ***Major-Domo-Super-Prediction***
    This going to be weird. Hold onto your haTSZ.

    Amber is going to suggest a 3 way , for Ethan, with her and Danny.

    She isnt planning on telling Ethan that Danny is gay.

    She thinks Amazi-girl’s just deserves her fantasy come through, and Dannys passive enough to let her to do it.

    She thinks shes doing it for Ethan, to keep him from going back in the closet.

    Its going to be a Climactic Slipshine.

    Amber is responsible for bringing the two men together

    1. Adam Black

      i really like my gravitar. It looks like me as a young teen.

    2. Rich

      Danny is bisexual, and still coming to terms with it. He’s not gay, and the two are not the same thing. Suggesting that they are is a textbook example of bisexual erasure.

      1. Gigafreak

        And Amber isn’t even aware that Danny’s into dudes yet, is she?

        1. Rich

          There’s that, too.

    3. Tenn

      A three-way between Amber, Ethan and Danny, you say? By Jove, I am shocked out of my pantaloons, and my hat has taken to the skies! Surely, such a scandalous suggestion has never been made before!

      1. fogel

        How much air did your eyebrows make?

        1. Rich

          Stuff and nonsense, sir. Proper application of Rowland’s patent macassar oil ensures that one’s eyebrows remain firmly in place upon the supraorbital ridge regardless of provocation.

      2. Kryss LaBryn

        I have like fifteen monocles, and every last one of them popped.

    4. John

      I’m a strong supporter of the Amber/Danny/Ethan OT3, but I’ve gotta say, the scenario you’ve outlined for bringing it about is highly implausible on several levels.

      Also, your gravatar is Agatha.

    5. batman

      http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=1804

      i find this a very usable strip

  35. Charles Phipps

    Darnit! Invite Joe! He knows your name!

    1. Nightsbridge

      . . .

    2. Rich

      Why, just so he can say no?

  36. Charles Phipps

    And when are we getting Amazi-Girl: Born Again? When Danny trades Amazi-Girl’s secret identity to Galazzo in exchange for a set of DS games he can’t afford?

  37. Dr Midnight

    Of course, with all the drama going on in these six panels, I’m just sitting here staring at Dina.

  38. Emoroffle

    Does she have cheek pockets though?

    1. Rich

      Probably wouldn’t need the utility belt if she did. And they’d only go two inches down if she did have them, since she’s a girl and as Walky discovered, girls don’t get to have real pockets.

  39. Someone

    hmmm, perhaps Amazi-Girl will show up at the party and will see Danny passing by, Joyce will invite him in because any friend of Amazi Girl is a friend of hers.

  40. maxyai

    I have a hamster and Amber’s got nothing on Miho(my hamster).

  41. DuckDuckMoose

    How can this be? How is this can be? Who said Amber could have all the sprightlies? It was not Becky!

    She has all of them! All of the sprightlies! She has them.

    Reference.

    1. Rich

      I’m with Mike on that one.

  42. Em

    Tbh I would be pissed if someone compared me to a hamster but that’s just me. Becky has the sensitivity of a blunt ax, but she means well. And looks great as well!

  43. OmegaDez

    Holy fuck. Amber’s eyebrows have a life of their own!

    1. fogel

      Ambers eyebrows make BIG air!

  44. gwalla

    *cues up the Hampster Dance*

    Old memes are best memes.

    1. Clif

      You Rang?

      1. Rich

        Is that you, Maynard?

  45. Church

    Dina, the curious one.

  46. Clif

    Actually, it’s not at all clear that Becky was finished reading the list of invitees.

    1. Rich

      Didn’t sound like it to me either. Sal’s a given, Billie might get an invite if they can find her, and I’d be surprised if Jacob doesn’t get asked – Joyce is still matchmaking for Sarah there, and he is Ethan’s roomie.

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