175

On deck
Posted on December 3, 2017 by David M Willis

175 thoughts on “On deck”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Her milksniff brings all the girls to the quad
    They’re like, it’s gonna go off
    Damn right, it’s gonna go off
    I could teach you, but just drink the damn milk

    1. Frost Magi

      Best comment on the entire internet… 10/10 you win

      1. TomHCinMI

        Yes, Ana! +1 to what Frost said!

    2. Deanatay

      Must admit, this trumps whatever I was going to say. Well done.

      (It IS still okay to use the word ‘trump’, right? I know it might be triggering, these days…)

      1. Wizard

        Don’t capitalize it, and you’ll be fine. He doesn’t own the word. (Yet.)

    3. TachyonCode

      Your Danny-face makes me imagine this as a holiday carol of some sort, with him signing it.

  2. King Daniel

    Billie is the best at Dance Dance Revolution

    1. MatthewTheLucky

      Billie can breathe in atmospheres of pure vaporised alcohol.

      1. ProfessorDetective

        AKA the frat house down the street.

      2. twobeef

        “I’m Billie. And I can breathe in space.”

        1. 3-I

          Dang it, I thought I could get here before anyone said it.

          Missed it by that much!

  3. Mad_Academic

    Oh god. I hope this doesn’t go where I fear it will go.

    1. ditrysia

      where is that?

      1. Kamino Neko

        Everyone in Forest Quad is a sniff fetishist.

  4. Reed

    It’s true, before they give you your pom poms you have to sniff all sorts of dairy products.

    …So much curdled milk.

    1. Reltzik

      Cheerleaders are whey hardcore.

      1. King Daniel

        They’re the real cream of the crop.

        1. Pablo360

          Let’s keep going.

          Or, dairy say, let’s milk this pun for all it’s worth.

        2. Shade

          This is just getting cheesy.

        3. Kaunisenkeli

          Butter nose might actually give the desired result, who knows?

        4. Deanatay

          Curds you and your puns

        5. Ferret

          This joke really needs to be sent out to pasteur.

        6. Fire_daws

          Damn it, I’m late to the punning party? Yogurt to be kidding me 🙁

        7. Sensei Le Roof

          A pun thread!

          …unfortunately, I lactose skills.

        8. Kamino Neko

          Ghee, this is a lot of puns.

        9. King Daniel

          These puns are starting to cow me.

        10. Shade

          Guys stop. I camembert.

    2. Who Izzy

      Only about 2% of these are good. But a I skimmed through the thread I realized I enjoyed the whole thing anyway

      1. Liquid Len

        Eh, I only enjoyed about half & half.

  5. Haven

    Billie can breathe in space!

    1. Stephen Bierce

      “Hi I’m Daisy!” “I’m Billie.”

      1. The Other Mike

        I can ship it.

    2. Furie

      That’s the one I came to post.

  6. Cass

    It’s how they sniff out stealth nerds.

  7. Doctor_Who

    All cheerleaders are required to master the following skills.

    * Olfactory dating of dairy products

    * Fluency in Sanskrit

    * Rolling tongue into a U shape (head cheerleaders can do every letter in the team name)

    * Advanced shenanigans, honors hijinks, and AP capers

    * Can do a load of laundry and recover all socks

    * Seduction of authority figures

    * Singing the lyrics to Yakko’s World

    * Necromancy (elective)

    1. Pablo360

      * Underwater basket-weaving

      * Interdisciplinary hazing

      * Acapella karaoke

      * Fish tuning

      * Dragon Ball: Budokai 3

      1. Reltzik

        * Driving competently and responsibly even when drunk. (Failing this one is why Billie got the boot.)

        1. Tacos

          * Pillow fort making

          * Kick punching

          * Traveling forward in time

          * Napping

        2. Pablo360

          * Knapping

          * List-making

          * List-breaking

          * Wingdings

          * None pizza, left beef

          * Keynesian memetics

          * The Shape of Water, by Guillermo del Toro

          * Plugging in a USB in only one try

          * STR +2, CHA +1

        3. Shade

          *Identification of antiquities
          *Knowledge of international trade law
          *Able to distinguish between butter and I can’t believe its not butter.
          *Animal husbandry
          *Taken dual wielding and acrobatics.
          *Solving a Rubik’s cube in only one twist.

        4. Loki

          Well, this octopus is halfway there: https://youtu.be/HUXYnjMpQ8k

        5. 3-I

          Or get your associate degree in business management or accounting!

        6. Deanatay

          *Looks at ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’*

          I CAN.

  8. Nono

    Nash is really milking having a cheerleader around.

    1. Deanatay

      Hey, if you got the tools, use ’em.

      And Billie’s quite the tool.

      1. Deanatay

        Wait, you were making a milk pun. Scroll up a few screens, already did that.

  9. Luzahn

    Aw man, Forest is in some sorta alternate madness world, isn’t it.

    1. Doctor_Who

      If they like Rifftrax there, I’d say it’s the sanity world.

      1. Wizard

        It does at least suggest an edge of self-awareness to their goofballery.

  10. ValdVin

    Billie does command “a wealth of knowledge pertaining to terrible and horrific things”.

    1. Bagge

      True, but that more often is associated with sex, drugs and partying than dairy products.

      Although I assume there is an overlap.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Can’t make good White Russians with expired milk.

  11. Opus the Poet

    Alt text, so basically Billie is Batman minus the murdered parents?

    1. Reltzik

      Ruth’s the one with parents murdered by…. someone like Billie?

      ….. and now she’s in love with Billie?

      Basically, she’s dating Catwoman.

  12. Zach

    There is no rifftrax for Flight of the Navigator

    1. No Not That Sierra

      Exactly what I came for, and unfortunately just what I expected.

    2. Reltzik

      This is an alternative universe where injustices slowly, after much drama, become righted.

    3. Bruceski

      The movie doesn’t need one. It is wonderful and my childhood will not accept any arguments otherwise.

      1. Zach

        RiffTrax isn’t afraid of riffing good movies.

      2. 3oranges

        I think about halfway through Flight of the Navigator, Max turns into rifftrax.

  13. bleepbloop

    Lucy is too adorable in the first panel!

    1. Bagge

      Lucy is also adorable in the second panel.

      And in the third.

      And in the fourth…

      You know, I start to form a theory about common elements in extra adorable panels.

  14. Passchendaele

    possibly, but maybe she can better tell if it was spiked (yes that’s a poor joke I’m sorry). 😛

  15. BBCC

    Oh, Lucy, I wish you wouldn’t hover over sleeping people but much like Joyce you’re too cute for me to hate.

    Damn you, Lucy!

  16. tim gueguen

    Hopefully Nash doesn’t think Billie can fight marauding martial artists or similar villains.

  17. Keulen

    And here I thought Sal was Batman, not Billie.

  18. DailyBrad

    Lucy is pretty awesome

  19. ValdVin

    “Oops. I take That back;, we can’t get ‘Flight of the Navigator’ on deck.”

    “Apollo 13?”

    “Not ready for blastoff.”

    “Grand Prix??”

    “Stuck on pit row.”

    “Secretariat?”

    “That horse has left the barn.”

    “Das Boot?”

    “In dry dock”.

    (Lucy gets desperate.)

    “The Glenn Miller Story?”

    “Doesn’t show up on radar.”

    “C’mon! The Great Train Robbery?. Its a over a century old!”

    “Derailed.”

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      “The Great Escape?”

      “That one’s missing.”

      “The Apartment?”

      “Evicted.”

      “Three Days of the Condor?”

      “That’s for the birds.”

      1. Pablo360

        “Rent?”

        “Sorry, we’re too damn high.”

        1. nothri

          “Great Expectations?”

          “Not gonna be everything your hoping for.”

        2. 3-I

          “One Of Our Aircraft Is Missing?”
          “Can’t find that one either.”
          “Missing?”
          “No idea where we left it.”
          “Star Trek II?”
          “GOOOOOOOONE!”

        3. 3-I

          “Backdraft?”
          “Even my ASS wouldn’t watch that.”

        4. MatthewTheLucky

          “The Empire Strikes Back?”
          “That one we could possibly do, let me check.

          Nope, no go, that’s impossible”.

        5. Deanatay

          “You DO actually have movies here, right?”
          “Of course, sir, this is a movie shop!”

        6. Deanatay

          “A.I.?”
          “Hadn’t thought of that one, sir!”
          “So, you have it?”
          “No.”
          “*sigh* E.T.?”
          “A little out there!”
          “Cats?”
          “Oh, yes!”
          “YOU HAVE IT?!?!”
          “Oh, yes! Let me get it for… ”
          “What.”
          “…Afraid the cat’s gotten into it, sir.”

        7. ValdVin

          “Casablanca”?

          “One way or another, it didn’t get on that plane.”

          “No Casablanca? It’s the single most popular movie in the world!”

          “Not around these parts.”

          “And pray, what is the most popular movie around these parts?”

          “The Human Centipede. III.”

        8. Sensei Le Roof

          Shut that bloody laserdisc off!

        9. nothri

          “Transformers?”

          “Doesn’t meet my eyes.”

        10. nothri

          “Dark Knight?”

          “That’s the movie you want, but not the movie you NEED right now.”

        11. Wizard

          Please consider yourself upvoted.

      2. Joe Covenant

        “Psycho?”
        “What? Are you crazy!”

        1. Roborat

          I am impressed. This forum can turn any subject into a Monty Python bit. Nicely done.

  20. Tacos

    As long as the milk ain’t chunky, I’m sure it’s fine. Probably.

    1. Sunny

      Chunky milk is basically just yoghurt. I once had half a bottle turn mostly solid, it was still prefectly good, just not drinkable so much as edible. If it has colourful stuff in it BEFORE you pour it over your cereal it’s gone bad, and if it smells sour it’s better to pour it in the sink just to be safe.

      1. StClair

        You’ve really got to wonder about the poor folks who were desperate enough to “discover” a lot of dairy products.

        1. King Daniel

          And then you have casu marzu…

      2. JessWitt

        I thought chunky milk was more like cottage cheese.

      3. CJ

        Though making your own yoghurt or cheese from milk is awesome, when long-lived milk turns on its own, you mostly get the not-so-nice microorganism doing it. That’s why you add starter cultures to milk you intend to turn into other stuff. So the nice microorganisms are in the majority and take over your milk.

  21. Rukdug

    Nash and Lucy are the best.

  22. nobodybasically

    Why would an amazing movie like Flight of the Navigator need a Rifftrax?

  23. Lingo

    Like Spencer, I don’t really know what a rifftrax is. I’ll int-search it. But I also don’t know what the symbol is on Lucy’s shirt, and I don’t know how to int-search that.

    1. Lingo

      So it’s just MST3K without the robot stuff?

      1. Deathjavu

        It’s MS3TK without the copyright problems

        1. ValdVin

          But you have to line it up with your video, the way people used to play “Dark Side of the Moon” in sync with “The Wizard of Oz”.

        2. Needfuldoer

          That way they can riff any movie they want, and distribute their soundtrack on their own terms. I think they have a program that automatically syncs their riffs with DVDs.

        3. Kamino Neko

          Except that Rifftrax actually does line up with the movie.

        4. ValdVin

          I know. I was throwing in a joke aimed at my fellow not-so-youngs here.

        5. Lingo

          Thanks everyone!

    2. showler

      Symbol on Lucy’s shirt is “birdflash”. Robin/Kid Flash shipping.

      1. dralou

        HAH! I knew it was a Teen Titan ship! Thanks a bunch for the info 🙂

        So, Lucy has a thing for homosexual couples involving a red-hair and a black-hair, huh…

      2. Lingo

        Oh thanks!

  24. Carms

    Oh no, a conflict of the ages.
    I love how Willis has set this up like it’s an epic saga of primeval archetypes, cos it kind of is.

    1. Arianod

      The solution is for Billie and Lucy to date. It worked for Clark Wing.

  25. Derek

    First Billie now Lucy, do people really go walking around in the underwear in the PUBLIC HALLWAY??
    maybe I’m a prude, but I’ not a fan of strangers seeing me in the delicates

    1. Twirls

      She’s in her PJs? It’s a night shirt I assumed

    2. 3-I

      D-did you travel here from some bygone era where nightdresses were considered indecent?

      =o

      1. Roborat

        She is showing her ankles! That scandalous tart!

    3. CoMa

      As already being said by the commenters above, it’s a nightdress, or a very long T-Shirt, but I’ve seen people wearing much less in public (e.g. hot pants and tanktop or crap tops.
      It’d be something different if she were to walk down to the cafeteria like that, but she’s just in her dorm on their floor, so…

      1. Roborat

        Did you mean to say “crap tops”?

  26. newllend(henryvolt)

    Is that supposed to be a wonder woman symbol on her shirt.

    1. Arianod

      Since it doesn’t look even remotely like a WW symbol, I’d say no it isn’t.

    2. Eldritch Gentleman

      Looks more like crossed lightnings to me. Captain Marvel reference maybe?

      1. Arianod

        It definitely looks like two crossed lighting bolts with some kind of bird head. But it doesn’t ring any bells :/

        1. Yumi

          showler solved the mystery down below and was probably disappointed that no one else got it. It’s the Birdflash symbol, which is the ship between Kid Flash and Robin (and other identities they may have) from Young Justice.

        2. showler

          Willis has actually used it before.

          I think on SP! Lucy, If I recall correctly.

        3. Arianod

          I may be a nerd, but I’m not an superhero-cartoon-network-show-fan-made-logo-shirt-level kind of nerd.

          (And no, I don’t think that’s a bad thing)

        4. Eldritch Gentleman

          Heh makes sense for Super Shipper Lucy to wear such a shirt.

  27. nothri

    Okay. Speaking as a non-morning person, I can advise without reservation that waking someone like me up for the purpose of sniffing a carton of possibly expired milk is a thing I strongly do not advise if your goal in life is anything besides experiencing a sudden and painful death.

    1. DarkoNeko

      Nice avatar bro/sis

      1. nothri

        Thank you! Its…ahem…from Willis’ porn comics. But it was a good picture.

    2. CoMa

      It also wouldn’t be nice to wake a morning person up just for that. I mean, nobody’d like to smell possibly sour milk right in the morning, even if you didn’t plan on consuming it in the first place.

  28. Dana

    The milk smelling was hazing, not training.

    1. Deanatay

      If you learn something from it, what’s the difference?

  29. BlackScarabZ

    How dare you, Mr. Willis! My first thought upon reading this strip was, “Holy shit! There’s a Rifftrax of Flight of the Navigator? I love that movie, and Rifftrax!” But lo and behold, it only exists in the land of fiction! Bested again!

    Also, does the hover-text mean that eventually there will eventually be a Lego Billie movie in which the Lego Billie will surpass the TAS version of Billie as the fan favorite?

  30. Bagge

    I love that, while different in so many ways, life in Forest Quad is no less surreal than in Clark Wing.

  31. DarkoNeko

    Part time cheerleader, part time Billie Bond

    1. DarkoNeko

      Aoso, uh, people keep milk in their room, assumedly without a fridge ? ew

      1. BBCC

        Mini fridge?

      2. Agemegos

        I had a bar fridge in my room. Too much stuff got stolen from the communal fridges.

  32. A Scientist

    The taste test is far more reliable than the smell test. Just take a sip next to a sink. You’ll know immediately if it’s good or bad. If it’s bad, that’s why you’re next to a sink.

    Besides, milk gets stuck in the cap, and that milk goes bad faster. If you smell something off, it could just be the crusty milk in the threads.

    Taste the milk, darn it.

    1. Nobody

      This seems like remarkably unscientific testing for a scientist

      1. A Scientist

        Well, in fairness, I’m not going to run my milk through rigorous analytical techniques when I can get a reasonably good answer by just tasting it.

  33. Pl0x

    Nash, oh Nash, you are adorable and I love you, but STOP WORSHIPPING BILLIE

  34. Loki

    Okay, in this strip, we are watching Lucy realize she is starting to get overshadowed by someone whom she likes, but who she has reason to assume dislikes her.

    Poor Lucy.

    Hey, what if this is a wing where people communicate about their problems and are therefore much happier than the other one?

    …

    who am I kidding.

    1. Gojira

      Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm.

      1. UniqueSnowflake2

        I award you +1 Deutschmark.

    2. GoblinScribe

      Predicting now that Billie’s “yay I’m great again” bubble bursts in part due to Lucy.

  35. Gojira

    Surely her large bust size means she knows all there is to know about milk!

  36. Nobody

    Ah yes milk smelling, right between pyramids and flips

  37. Thomas

    Lucy, if we’re gonna watch a movie I can do very well without a running commentary, thank you very much. If you want to provide jokes, that’s cool to a certain degree, provided they’re your own jokes & not someone else’s pre-recorded ones. That’s sad and annoying.

    1. David M Willis

      It takes a lot of courage to come to the website of a guy who’s written a dozen MSTFings and boldly state that this makes him sad and annoying. Not saying you’re right or wrong, but, uh. Hi.

      How ya doin’.

      1. some guy

        Huh, that gravitar actually matches the tone of what you just said… Yeah, I have no idea how to change this picture, I DON”T KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS!

        1. not someone else

          He’s the guy Mike had sex with. I don’ t think we’ve seen him in any other capacity, but there you go. (PS: you change it by changing the email you give, or adding random periods to it.)

        2. Needfuldoer

          Change how your email address is capitalized to get a different random character, or click the “Get a Gravatar” link to set up a picture of your choosing.

      2. Tan

        I can -kinda- see the guy’s point. If you’re doing a ‘regular’ movie night (considering Spencer explicitly doesn’t know what RiffTrax is), there’s generally an expectation that it is going to be the movie itself, not the movie with something else over it. Like if I’m putting a DVD (or bluray, digital download, whatever) for a movie I’ve never seen before, and someone else comes along and flicks the audio over to director’s commentary, I would consider that a dick move. Not because there’s anything wrong with director’s commentary or because I don’t enjoy that, but because I just want to watch and listen to the movie.

        Now if they have a MST3K/RiffTrax night, that is an entirely different beast, where NOT giving the RiffTrax (because someone decides the movie is ‘too pure’ for that or something) would be a disappointment.

        It’s like giving someone vodka when they ask for water or vice versa. Nothing wrong with vodka, nothing wrong with water, but they kinda want the one they asked for, because they are very much not the same thing.

        1. BBCC

          But Lucy is the one who made the request for this movie and she specifically asked for the Rifftrax version. If people show up, they should be expecting to watch the commentary. That’s like hearing someone say, ‘Hey, we’re gonna watch Shrek’s director’s commentary version’ and then complaining about the commentary. Why did you show up if you just wanted to watch Shrek when the request was specifically with commentary?

    2. Fart Captor

      I grew up on MST3k and helped start a bad movie club in college where I provided a good deal of live commentary, and both are a good time. Sad is getting upset about what other people enjoy simply because YOU aren’t into it.

  38. Eldritch Gentleman

    How the heck does Nash imagine Cheerleader training? Special Ops training or what?
    “And yeah they also train in Milk sniffing because when you are behind enemy lines you can’t risk having food poisoning from bad milk”
    “Wait, are we still talking about Cheerleaders or Navy SEALs?”

    1. Deanatay

      No effective difference…

  39. OnyxIdol

    They also undergo hormone treatment and are implanted with a host of artificial organs. Oh wait, I’m confusing cheer leaders with space marines again.

    1. some guy

      normal mistake, both take years of training and nimble movements

    2. Kamino Neko

      Bah. The Sisters of Battle are more badass than the Marines.

  40. Iain

    How can you Rifftrax Flight of the Navigator? There’s nothing to mock! IT’S THE GREATEST MOVIE OF THE 80s!

  41. Vulcanodon

    While spoiled milk is not dangerous, waking someone up to smell it might be.

  42. brasca1

    Rifftrax! Lucy is a Mistie! She keeps getting better and better with every appearance.

  43. brionl

    In my senior year of high school, I took AP Trig, and half the cheerleader squad was in the class too.

    Fun(?) Fact: That was the last year where they taught us how to use a sliderule, instead of a calculator.

    1. Vulcanodon

      Very fun fact. In college I challenged my suitemate to a race through the trig assignment; him on calculator, me on slide rule. We have differing memories of who won, based on I was faster but he got more (in-) significant digits.

    2. Yumi

      Not to be rude, but can I ask when this was? I’m curious about how long ago AP Trig was a thing.

      1. thejeff

        AP classes apparently go back to the 50s, which surprised me. I think the program was pretty small then. Probably most schools didn’t offer it, back in the days of sliderules, but that’s just a guess. (Not sure when sliderules were phased out either. )

        1. Yumi

          Oh, I know how long ago AP classes go back, I was just wondering about AP Trig specifically, because by the time I was in high school it wasn’t a thing. AP math now is AP Calc, and for me trig was the math course I took in 10th grade.

      2. brionl

        1978 was when I took it. Then later, I joined the US Navy and when I went to Navy Nuclear Power School, I was in the first class where they let us use calculators instead of sliderules.

  44. showler

    No mentions of the “birdflash” shirt?

    1. Yumi

      THANK YOU, I had no idea what it was and I’ve been thinking about it all day. If you read previous comments, you’ll see others also didn’t know what it was. All I could come up with was that it was depiction of a Thunderbird and that it was like her Ilvermorny house or something, but it didn’t actually look right for that either and also *shudders* @ Ilvermorny and its houses.

  45. John Madden

    Nash does not strike me as very intelligent.

    1. Fart Captor

      Naivete is not a reliable indicator that someone isn’t smart. Especially since she’s just a teenager. I know plenty of adults who have far weirder ideas about the world

      1. John Madden

        I would think that, by college age, one would be able to determine if milk is bad or not. Not like there’s a ‘use by this date’ printed on bottles or anything…or a particularly foul smell that indicates when it’s no longer usable…

        1. Roborat

          Or it is green and rattles in the container.

        2. Fart Captor

          Not everyone has a great sense of smell, and even people who do can imagine they’re smelling something when there’s no smell

        3. John Madden

          Again, use-by date.

          Please stop trying to justify this level of stupidity.

        4. Fart Captor

          Stuff can spoil before its use-by date, and can remain edible long after

          Stop acting like “not being sure if something smells off” is some extraordinary thing that isn’t actually experienced at some point by most people.

      2. John Madden

        You are correct about adults who have strange ideas about how the world works, though.

  46. Ryek Hvek

    “Gather around, infinks, whiles I tell ye of a time where no one in any dorm room had milk to sniff.”

  47. David Alexander McDonald

    “Bring forth the Milk-Smeller pursuivant!”

  48. Rateus

    They train for years? No wonder they are so well paid. Oh wait a minute…

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