193

Soulmates
Posted on February 20, 2013 by David M Willis

193 thoughts on “Soulmates”

  1. Vivvav

    She’s going to get murdered someday.

    1. Yotomoe

      That’s a very dark thing to say.

      1. Aizat

        I get it: “Soul” mates.

        1. AckAckAck

          “Dark Soul” mates.

        2. Animal

          Spelling error. She said “Sole mates.” They share the same taste in shoes.

        3. Kryss LaBryn

          The same taste in fish, actually.

        4. SeanNOLA

          Also wrong: She meant “Seoul Mates”. They share the same taste for Koreans.

        5. Felix Kütt

          ahh… …cannibalism… …wait, what were we discussing again?

        6. Led

          Does that shared taste involve Faz?

        7. Dusty Muffinsss

          PRAISE THE SUN!

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      She’s going to get charged with murder someday.

      FIXED! 😛

    3. AckAckAck

      She’s going to raise a family of murderers.

      Fixed again! :p

    4. Josh

      Someday she’s going to get murdered by one of her murderous family, because she murdered someone.

      There, perfect!

    5. Makkabee

      I think she’s more likely to be on the other end of the knife.

    6. Zoey

      all i see is “she is gonna murder ethan some day”

  2. piemanpie24

    Heartbreak is guaranteed.

    1. Count Dracula

      Hell, this would trainwreck even if Ethan was straight. Some people come on too strong, but what Joyce is doing could bench-press a planet. She’s basically screaming into the heavens “My name is Joyce Brown, Queen of Queens: Look on my relationship status, ye mighty, and despair!”

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        She really wants to earn her MRS degree.

        1. Bickendan

          She really should go to BYU for that. Although I’m sure the Mormons would have to get used to her…

        2. Resne

          She’d hook up with three or four and be right as rain.

        3. mcanshin42

          Naw. She’d be in shock for at least a week. (See previous encounter with a Mormon)
          By the way, it’s the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints – Known as Mormons for the Book of Mormon.

        4. Bickendan

          Oh, I know. I’m LDS.

        5. Stevie Windup

          As much as I love Joyce, I’m sad to say that, at least in this area, she’d fit right in.

      2. HEYOUGUYZ!

        ENGL 101 Allusion Badge granted.

        Also, that was my favorite poem for many years b/c of The Tripods Series.

    2. jiynx

      in ethan’s head: *WOOP WOOP* PULL UP! break off goose! *WOOP WOOP*

      1. AckAckAck

        That’s actually pretty appropriate for Ethan’s imagination since Top Gun is filled with a lot “hidden messages.”

      2. Jim

        Sad scene is sad. 🙁

    3. AckAckAck

      Heartbreak? I think the heart will be slammed to the pavement and run over by a truck 24 times.

  3. Aizat

    Joyce, you can only call him a soulmate once you dated a guy for at least 5 years.

    1. Yotomoe

      Or if you both wear the same size shoes and you want to be clever and call each other “Sole Mates”

      1. NCP19

        I think if you do that, you’ll either wind up murdered or you truly have found your soulmate so…risky trade off.

        1. Aizat

          Or your soul getting sucked out through your eye sockets.

        2. AckAckAck

          I thought it’s what we called “Marriage”

        3. Aizat

          I thought they call “Marriage” doing time. You know because they call the spouse “the ball and chain”.

        4. George

          Is that your word for “Mawwiage”?

        5. fatemaster1

          Ha! Princess Bride reference FTW!

      2. John

        Walky and Danny are sole mates?

    2. Zap Rowsdower

      Well, you can also properly identify soul mates much faster if you use satanic magical rituals such as found in Harry Potter or Charmed, but somehow I doubt she’s one to try those.

  4. Wonder Wig

    That’s longer than some marriages. You go Joyce.

    1. agentksilver

      Wait, no, Britney Spears was 55 hours.

      1. Wonder Wig

        Well for dogs that’s 18.5 days.

      2. Zap Rowsdower

        No, its still considerably longer than some marriages.

        According to googling “shortest marriage ever”, the shortest was some couple in Dubai, where the man literally walked directly from the court where he was married to another court where he filed for divorce, with the marriage itself being measured in seconds.

        52 hours is FOREVER in comparison.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          The things some people do to get into record books.

        2. Zap Rowsdower

          According to the artice, it was something about a promise to the father about letting her keep her job, being too embarassed to refuse to promise that, and presumably him being a tremendous misogynist/’traditionalist’.

  5. agentksilver

    That…that sounds about right, for an 18-year-old evangelical.

  6. Aydr

    Ethan’s like “….maybe this is a good time to mention I’m gay. Really, really gay.”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      60s Batman gay? 😀

      1. Yotomoe

        Worse. 60s Robin gay.

        1. Aizat

          Not Schmitts Gay?

        2. AckAckAck

          Fun fact: Burt Ward, the guy who played Robin in the TV series said that he’s a ladies man. Way to go “boy wonder.”

        3. Led

          Well he’s also supposed to have had sex with girls while “Batman” watched: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYBktKFvWa0

  7. alicemacher

    Oh Joyce, honey. The impending trainwreck, it…impends.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Can you hear it, the sound of inevitability? 😀

      1. cookie1995

        it’s the sound of drums

        1. Aizat

          Wait, Joyce is The Master?

        2. Arkadi

          That would explain so many things…

        3. Blue

          Either that or Cookie is.
          It would go rather well with the Galasso grav.

        4. TPman

          More of a tense silence sound really. TV tends to play these things up.

    2. Undrave

      “Is your ship sinking
      Did you know that’s arsenic you’re drinking
      Are you buried in ice caps
      Did the bridge you’re on collapse
      Did that place you’re in explode
      Oh that’s why we’re singing this ode

      OH oh what the heck
      Throw in a train wreck!
      Oh oh what the heck
      Throw in a train wreck!”

      1. That Damn Rat

        Did not expect to see Misery’s lullaby here.

  8. Aizat

    I think Dina knew about Ethan’s predicament.

    1. Zap Rowsdower

      She won’t say anything, though, unless somebody can somehow figure out how to seamlessly work “your boyfriend is gay and you are his beard” into a conversation about dinosaurs.

      1. TPman

        “Current scientific thinking lends credence to the notion that many complex sexually reproducing species display homosexual tendencies. It would be logical to extend this to include dinosaurs, or your boyfriend Ethan.”

        1. TPman

          She does say anything else for the next three pages and just continues blowing bubbles into her soda.
          Her comments go over Joyce’s head but visibly unnerve Ethan.

    2. Arkadi

      I don’t think Dina even knows what gay *is*.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I wouldn’t be surprised if Dina thought gays were guys who dig boners.

        1. Khantalas

          Gays are paleontologists?

        2. AckAckAck

          Paleontologists usually get really excited when they found bones.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Which means that the answer to Khantalas is YES, yes they are. 😛

        4. Khantalas

          Are they also excited when they find wood? As in, fossilized wood?

        5. begbert2

          They do like exposing hard wood.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          Yes indeed, stony wood gives them wood.

  9. David Herbert

    Welp, all ambiguity is out the window. Ethan is officially leading her on.

    I know he’s upset about things with Amber and wishes he could take it back and all but still, dick move, man.

    1. CanvasWolfDoll

      to be fair, ethan has not actually acknowledge their dating. he has denied it either, so maybe it’s a moral gray?

      1. Yotomoe

        moral gay.

      2. someguywithakatana

        No it isn’t. Ethan is aware

        A. That Joyce considers the two of them to be in a romantic relationship.

        B. That he is gay

        and C. by virtue of properties A. and B. he is not able to have the kind of relationship with her that she wants.

        Knowing all of this, he is not even making the attempt to inform her. Even if he hasn’t vocally lied to her, he has lied by omission and manipulated her into a situation where the only really viable outcome is for her to get her feelings hurt. What he is doing is clearly wrong. Even more wrong if he’s at all aware what her recent experiences with men have been like, which I do doubt.

        I like Ethan. He’s a good guy overall. But here, in this situation, he is being a class A tool.

        1. Totz the Plaid

          Actually, it’s a lot trickier than that because the plot so far has led me to believe that Ethan’s trying to NOT be gay.

          He’s going back into the closet, and trying to convince himself that it’s actually a suite.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          I can easily see Joyce as the type who believe that gays can be cured while Ethan somehow is hoping that this whole gay thing is just a phase and that he can somehow become straight if he tries hard enough.

        3. thomas0comer

          And then it ends with one killing the other.
          …I’m not sure if that’s more or less likely in a work of Willis’.

        4. RJF

          Who knows? Maybe Joyce’s affection will put him on the turn.

        5. Li

          Not unless that turn is “realizing this is a terrible mistake and he doesn’t need to do this”.

        6. drs

          Given Joyce’s public persona, he might think that a sexless relationship is exactly what she wants. He gets a life beard, she gets a husband who’ll never pressure her for post-martial hanky panky.

        7. begbert2

          She WANTS post-marital hanky-panky. Badly.

        8. Aydr

          So? All he has to do is rub her stomach with a back massager and she’ll think she’s getting some hot action, apparently.

        9. George

          Supposedly she knows that’s not real hanky-panky… but I bet she’d take it from Ethan.

          That was honestly not supposed to sound so dirty but I’m not sure how else to say it.

  10. Sensedog

    It’s kind of like watching a multiple vehicle accident; it is bad, and you know that it probably won’t end well, and yet you cannot look away.

    1. Yotomoe

      This is more like watching the truck on the train tracks trying to start his engine and you know it’s going to end badly but you’re really hoping by some miracle it turns out all right.

      1. AckAckAck

        This is more like when we watching someone carry a thousands dollars wedding cake and there’s an empty bottle rolling on the floor and the caterer going to step on it. You’re conflicted between warning the caterer so the wedding will go smoothly or watching the cake flying and hilarity ensues.

        I think that’s what Dina thinking.

  11. Plasma Mongoose

    52 hours? That roughly about 2100 moments or about 7,500,000 eye-blinks.

    1. Robbie C

      How about in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee
      in inches, in miles, in laughter, and strife?

      How about love?

      1. Aydr

        Um, that’s into it’s third daylight, two sunsets, two midnights, and I’m pretty sure Joyce thinks coffee is a sin.

        1. CanvasWolfDoll

          no… that would be agatha…

        2. TPman

          Why Joyce think coffee’s a sin? Pope Clement VII- oh yah, he was Catholic.

      2. Ragnal

        GOD DAMMIT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.

      3. Plasma Mongoose

        As far as I am aware, love is NOT something you can measure in time units.

        1. Ancestral Hamster

          Oh yeah, my love comes in at just under 12 parsecs! 😛

        2. Woo

          Aren’t parsecs units of distance?

        3. Aydr

          Holy shit. That’s a lot of love.

        4. JustDucky

          “As far as I am aware, love is NOT something you can measure in time units.”

          You have it backwards. Love isn’t being measured, it’s the unit by which time is being measured. Google “Seasons of Love” from Rent for the reference.

      4. Regalli

        So many show choirs. So many performances of that song. *Twitches*

    2. Aizat

      That’s too short. Try two and half years, then say you’re soul mates.

      1. Yotomoe

        But if you’re soul mates you would know immediately, cuz you’re soul mates.

        1. Aizat

          Yeah, but it’s one sided. You think you found your soul mate but your significant other might not.

        2. Kelly

          yes

        3. Kemp

          ye

  12. BlueRam

    The crazy is STRONG with this one.

    1. ASmellyOgre

      Still better than Roomies! Joyce.

    2. fatemaster1

      Crazy, crazy for loving you….

  13. Yotomoe

    I like how Ethan pretty much becomes Dina whenever Joyce mentions their relationship. He just stares blankly.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      An Ethan/Dina Freaky Friday storyline? Now that could be interesting.

      1. Chaz

        How could you tell the difference?? Aside from a switch between the love of Dinosaurs and Transformers, I suppose.

        1. Aydr

          Until dinobots get involved, then you’ll never figure it out.

        2. fatemaster1

          And we have a winner!

  14. NF

    I’m sorry everyone, but oh my god, Joyce is annoying.

    1. Yotomoe

      It’s ok. She’s kinda supposed to be.

  15. bunivasal

    Joyce, don’t be like that.

    You’re from Indiana, you should know that whirlwinds are God’s way of punishing white people.

    1. JebJeb

      Living in Indiana can also be considered a punishment from God.

      1. Yotomoe

        I view a world where all people of all races are equally miserable in Indiana.

        1. AckAckAck

          Indiana: “What’s wrong with me?”

  16. Taigan

    I’m hoping for an “emperor has no clothes” kind of blunt observation from Dina in the near future.

    1. Questionor

      Yea if Dina knows he’s gay, I can easily see her just bluntly saying “But he’s gay.”

      1. AckAckAck

        I can expect Joyce jump into denial.

  17. Doctor_Who

    Anyone know what Dina’s shirt says? It was obscured in the last strip too.

    Something about dinosaurs, obviously.

    1. Yotomoe

      “No, Joe is not wearing my shirt. Quit asking”

    2. ASmellyOgre

      [most likely “Ask”] me why [something may be here] dinosaurs [obscured]athers

      That’s all there is.

      1. ASmellyOgre

        I’d guess it’s “Ask me why dinosaurs have feathers”

        1. Aizat

          Why do dinosaurs have feathers?

  18. lightsabermario

    The worst part of it is, Joyce is teaching Dina how relationships work. Let that sink in.

    1. Kernanator

      …This is a horrifying concept. I approve.

    2. Yotomoe

      SHE’S GOING TO RUIN HER!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!

    3. Zap Rowsdower

      Eh, that just means the student is inadvertently going to teach the teacher at some point.

    4. Plasma Mongoose

      Poor Dina, she needs to learn relationships from someone better… like ummm Danny??

      1. Gordon

        Anyone. Literally anyone.

        Like Joe. Let’s get Joe in here to explain it.

        1. drs

          Anyone? There’s always date-rape guy, to push the bar lower.

        2. Yotomoe

          There’s always Faz. You ALWAYS HAVE FAZ!

        3. Mogotoo

          Do we? We haven’t seen him in the Dumbiverse yet, have we?

      2. TPman

        Billie’s been doing pretty well on the relationship front. Maybe that’s who Dina should get her pointers from?
        Or Galasso’s right there. He had a pretty good grasp on things in Shortpacked!

    5. AckAckAck

      What if Dina is actually more knowledgeable about relationship and sex? I mean she love to study dinosaurs of course she also learn about their reproduction activity.

  19. spiridion

    Oh gawd. Ethan, jewbro… just run away now and find a nice closeted lesbian to marry.

    1. That Damn Rat

      Who said he hasn’t found a closeted lesbian to marry? If modern media has taught me nothing else, and it hasn’t, it is that the stronger your objections to and discomfort with homosexuality, the more likely you are gay. And this is not at all me trying to rationalise my JoyceXSal OTP.

      1. L.K. Crocuta

        I thought that only applied to political figures.

  20. DiDi

    Oh… oh this is just hilariously sad…

  21. Tom Speelman

    Awww, poor Ethan. He just looks so sad.

    1. Cyth

      I’d feel more sympathy if it weren’t for the fact that he’s using Joyce to fuel this silly nonsense of trying to scurry back into the closet, especially after what he put Amber through.

      1. Josh

        To be fair I think he’s in the same position as us, he doesn’t want to, but he can’t take his eyes off the incoming trainwreak.

  22. The Cakemeister

    How has nobody commented on Joyce’s gigantic faz face yet?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Now I cannot unsee it… thanks a bunch! 😛

    2. someguywithakatana

      That does bring up something that hasn’t occurred to me… It’s been a while now… Where is that little creep!?! What is he, hiding in Amber’s closet?

      1. AckAckAck

        Meanwhile……

  23. Somebody

    What could possibly go wrong he said…

    1. AckAckAck

      That’s also what the Astronaut said in the ISS when they update the ISS with a new OS. NASA lost communication with the ISS for several hours during the OS update. Good thing it went back online afterward.

      News: http://www.theverge.com/2013/2/19/4005070/NASA-ISS-communication-breakdown

  24. LtSaraD

    hehheh wow.

  25. Simian Bros

    That is the elephant in the room
    Well is it relevant to assume
    that the man you’ve dated for fifty-two
    hours is, gay, totally gay?

    1. Aslee

      And you, my friend, gget the highest of fives for that reference.

  26. HEYOUGUYZ!

    Second panel:

    KALIMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

  27. Kernanator

    This relationship is like a trainwreck. So horrifying, yet I can’t look away.

    1. Regalli

      Yeah, that’s an apt comparison. Popcorn of horror?

      1. Kernanator

        Yes, please.

  28. Regalli

    Ooooh, Joyce. Good to see that some terrifying personality traits don’t change across universes.

    No matter how much we may want them to.

    So, who do we think’s going to be the other pair? Personally, I’m hoping for Amber and Danny to show up at some point, probably by coincidence, and Amber to end up unintentionally outing Ethan.

    1. Raoullefere

      I was about to say: This proves you change universes all you like: early, relationship-crazy Joyce appears to be a constant.

      1. Khantalas

        Yes, but I’m assuming this Joyce wasn’t brainwashed and genetically altered by Head Alien, so she doesn’t have a justification for her craziness.

        A reason, yes, but not a justification.

        1. dcmeserve

          Just brainwashing from a more typical source (just look at her speech patterns).

    2. Sir Robin

      I’m thinking Dina mentions to Amber that Ethan was on a date with a girl, and this leads to Amber investigating

  29. Uniqueantique

    First: I don’t think Joyce has, will, or can be told by Ethan or anyone else that he’s gay. Joyce does not hear what she does not want to hear.
    Second: Zap R. I hope you were joking…”satanic rituals like in Harry Potter and Charmed”…..You gotta be joking…right?

    1. That Damn Rat

      I thin k he was talking as Joyce would view them. Then again, if she likes twilight, she might be flexible enough to watch stuff like that.

      1. Bekah

        Twilight displays proper Christian values by having the most prominent couple wait until after they’re married before engaging in that most vile of deeds. Also, the vampires are cushy vegans who only drink gopher blood or some shit. And there’s no magic? I guess? And if there is magic, it’s the proper kind that’s ok? Or something.

        I dunno.

        Look. I’ve never read Twilight, or seen the movies, but apparently it’s on the “Let’s not ban this book” list.

    2. Sir Robin

      Joyce has been told Ethan is most likely gay, by Dorothy

      1. Sir Robin

        In this strip

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/02-choosing-my-religion/toy/

  30. Wixvhen

    I hate to say this, but I honestly believe Mike is going to be the one to crack the baby over the skull on this one and put it out of it’s misery… Only because it will CRUSH Joyce, the one person who’s too innocent and pure to really destroy via his sarcasm and violence.

    1. AckAckAck

      The question is how well prepared is he? I know he’s a jerk chess player but in this universe he’s pretty mortal.

      1. Legasher

        It’s Mike. He mastered the Batman Gambit in the delivery room. If anyone were to die from this scenario, it would probably be Ethan. Clearly the whole thing about Sarah developing Mama Bear instincts for Joyce has been leading up to his messy end by her hand.

    2. Nono

      I hope Amber gives Ethan a good reaming out over this. Not wanting to be lonely isn’t a good justification for possibly sabotaging the happiness of at least two people.

      Funny how both Joyce and Ethan desperately want a relationship just so they won’t be alone. Maybe they have more in common than at first glance.

  31. Andiemus

    She’s crazy, he’s dashing into the closet so fast he’s in and out before the door even opens! Together they fight crime!

  32. Spazman

    Ah….the New 52…….

    sorry, I had to.

  33. Dix

    It’s simple – Joyce is terrified of being without rules, boundries. She’s looking for something external to bulwark her against all the madness & sin she sees around her, and to give her some familiar stability. In other words, a very Joyce teenage rebellion 🙂

  34. AckAckAck

    Oh Joyce, I thought you tone down your level of crazy a little bit in this universe. I was wrong. I wonder how long until she reach another mental breakdown when everything around her falling down.

    Also I wonder, is her “TP shoes” successful or not?

  35. Raen

    Joyce… freaking Dina can tell he is gay.

    1. Mogotoo

      She can?

  36. E.C.

    You don’t need to be Cassandra to predict that this will end in tears.

    1. E.C.

      By the by, I just LOVE how appropriate my gravatar is. ^^

  37. Crumplepunch

    And twelve minutes!

  38. scabbert

    Waiting for the other shoe to drop here is killing me.
    Good God, Willis, she’s a struck doe flailing around on a highway shoulder. Time to put ‘er down.

    1. Jackson

      5: agree strongly.

  39. Martigro

    Ethan, seriously, RUN. Even if Joyce was a gay boy, I’d tell you to do that.

  40. Gnome

    In the name of all that is holy Ethan, this is being needlessly cruel. I know you don’t want to hurt her, but the more attached she gets the more hurt she’s going to be when she learns that you’re not into her. Come on man, have a heart, and give her that much needed emotional destruction that will force her to grow up a bit.

  41. Meghan

    I sympathize with Ethan, here. He’s only eighteen- he probably doesn’t fully understand his sexuality yet. It’s not like he’s leading Joyce on to be cruel- he’s probably hoping that he’ll fall in love with her somehow, that he’s not /really/ gay, that he can learn to be straight, etc. He may not just be simply faking or lying. We know that he’s gay and that this can only end in tears, but he doesn’t.

    1. Andiemus

      I disagree. Ethan has already seen that it didn’t work with amber, so why would he expect it to work here? He’s in denial or he’s a moron.

      1. Aydr

        …you do realize that you just said that you disagree, but ended with “in denial”. You do realize that’s exactly the point Meghan was making, right? That he’s in denial?

        Emotions aren’t as straightforward from within as they are from an outsider’s perspective, man, especially when we’re talking about a fictional character whose sexuality we already KNOW for certain.

        1. Meghan

          Especially for someone who’s frustrated with his sexuality and thinks that it’ll significantly impede his chances at happiness. He’s probably trying to rationalize it as ‘well, Amber didn’t work for me, but hey, maybe it’s just we were too close of friends? Maybe a girl I don’t know would work better?’ or ”I just wasn’t trying hard enough last time’, or something like that.
          He’s definitely in denial, but that doesn’t make him unsympathetic.

        2. Andiemus

          Being in denial is not something I sympathize with.

  42. John Madden

    Oh naivete.

  43. Ray

    So, Dumbing Joyce is following in the footsteps of original Joyce, just with the out-of-the-closet gay dude instead of the dude that’s still hung up on his girlfriend that dumped him but may or may not be wanting him back.

  44. Thor

    Is Joyce really copping a feel in panel 2?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

*

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.