149

Karen
Posted on July 4, 2020 by David M Willis

149 thoughts on “Karen”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    I’m p sure my li’l bro is why my folks calmed the fuck down about anything I ever pulled

    granted I had basically moved out by then but STILL

    (tbf my folks only TRULY got mad at me once, over being naive about PETA, which I had a feeling about but really should have guessed since my now-retired dad was a research scientist but my judgement was iffy as a kid [not like it’s THAT much better now lol but I try to plan better in case of failure these days])

  2. Schpoonman

    Holy shit, the comic is titled “Karen”.

    1. Schpoonman

      Was “manager” used elsewhere?

      1. AntJ

        Twice https://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/02-that-perfect-girl/manager/

        1. AntJ

          here’s the second one https://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-9-comic/03-sometimes-the-sky-was-so-far-away/manager-2/

    2. Arianod

      Is her actual name still “Linda”?

      1. Needfuldoer

        My headcanon’s going with “Linda Karen Walkerton” as her full name until it’s told otherwise.

    3. CC

      I’m betting the word “Karen” was used in an earlier draft. We’ve had titles like that happen before.

      1. Norah

        I think he meant it, because of the “speak to the manager” Karen meme.

  3. Yumi

    Hm, does Walky know how to do his laundry?

    1. Doctor_Who

      I mean, they’ve been at school for a couple of months now…

      (Remembers college)

      …so call it 50/50.

      1. Felix

        Can? Maybe. Will? 50/50. If pressured to do so.

      2. Jim

        Haven’t they only been at school like 45 days? I’ve lost track of Dumbiverse time… You hardly ever see a calendar.

    2. clif

      Knowing and doing are two different things.

    3. Ryek Hvek

      Sure, just toss clothes in washer and add detergent, and wait for that red flannel shirt to turn your undies pink.

  4. Chris

    Maybe she should talk to the kidnapper’s manager instead.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Cue massive John Wick style action sequence where Sal takes on the entire Korean mafia, finally meets up with the leader, and then pointedly fills out a complaint card, puts it in his shirt pocket, and then smokebombs away.

      1. Regalli

        Through a complex series of thought adventures, this gave me the image of Gramps being so impressed by Sal he tries to set her up with Asher. Through comical but very mobster hijinks, obviously.

        1. ktbear

          Somebody has to write that, would pay good money!

        2. DarkoNeko

          oh, yeah, Asher, we haven’t seen him that night right ? He probably helped hire the goons but didn’t participate personally ?

        3. DrunkenNordmann

          I think all he did was pulling the fire alarm.

        4. Regalli

          He pulled the fire alarm (due to being blackmailed,) but did not know what Blaine had planned and was told it didn’t involve violence. Though whether or not Asher believed that is a VERY good question.

      2. nobilis

        I want to read that!

    2. Newllend(henryvolt)

      I don’t know if it’s a good thing to get involved with the Korean mafia boss

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        Worked out for Blaine! (Until recently, at least.)

  5. Sirksome

    Meh. This will be the second time Walky has had to change his pants in as many days.

    1. Sirksome

      Actually I might be wrong. I think a day has passed since the kidnapping right? So three days.

      1. Regalli

        Hasn’t been firmly established. Ruth’s suplex line seems to be indicating it’s the day after, Sarah implying the worst part of her day yesterday was dealing with her parents kind of suggests more than a day (unless that was a DAMN unpleasant set of talks, which is entirely plausible when you’re already sleep-deprived and out of emotional bandwidth. Still, she saw a dude get murdered.)

        Either way, ‘dealing with an abusive parent immediately going On Her Shit in a way you’re only now beginning to grasp with the benefit of distance and actually seeing the other person who lived through it for the first time in five years is in fact DEEPLY fucked up’ is pretty much the bottom of the list of things I’d want to do after being kidnapped and one of my kidnappers murdering the other one.

        Shame Mike’s in a coma. Linda is just the sort of situation his brand of assholery tanking could be useful for.

        1. Meagan

          I took it as Sarah indeed comparing seeing her parents separately to being kidnapped and concluding that it was worse than being kidnapped, in a snide way.

        2. elebenty

          That was my take, too.
          I’d have upvoted you… if I could.

        3. Zee

          I think the point was that Sarah found dealing with her concerned and comforting parents worse than being kidnapped and witnessing a murder. Because that’s extremely in character

        4. thejeff

          Well, we don’t know to what extent her parents were concerned and comforting or how effective they were at it.
          Could be they’re the type where you wind up having to comfort them more than they comfort you. Which is exhausting, when you’re already overwhelmed yourself.

  6. Mr. Random

    Sibling relationships are the weirdest and greatest in fiction.
    Especially when they’re shown realistically.

    1. Jess

      I know, right! I was just thinking that Willis did a really good job with them here.

  7. Zor

    Aw. They’re actually starting to mend their relationship. Hopefully this semi-sweetness helps us weather the absolute emotional fuckparade of an aftermath going down.

  8. Stephen Bierce

    Today’s strip is sponsored by a clothing e-tailer. Which I guess is better than an e-tailor.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      If it’s the same ad I’m seeing (for something called “Klarna”), it is just a little bit on the creepy side.  Unless it’s supposed to be a reference to the 2007 film “Lars and the Real Girl”, in which case it’s DOUBLE creepy.

      1. Bicycle Bill

        Plays “Last Dance with Mary Jane” on the hacked Muzak for that ad.

    2. Gandalf007

      Ugh, I’m getting a Trump ad in the top banner. You’d think they’d be blocked on this site…

      1. Reltzik

        For some reason I keep getting Trump ads (often masquerading as “polls”) pretty much everywhere I go. I’m not sure I like what that says about my Google search history.

        1. fogel

          I think/hope that it means that The Algorthm isn’t yet as foolproof/discerning as its going to be eventually, which I think/hope is good: keep it guessing!

        2. Daniel M Ball

          it probably means you’ve been spending WAY too much time looking at political content.

        3. elebenty

          I think those polls are tracking traps
          and an excuse to target those who clearly aren’t interested.

      2. Geneseepaws

        Can we elect Mike with a write-in vote? That would Really drain the swamp. Also, In a coma? Yeah I think, Mike, Is better. I like, Mike, much better than being in a (Mike)

      3. David M Willis

        They are. Trump ads cheat by categorizing themselves as other kinds of ads.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Have to admit, that’s pretty on-brand for him…

        2. Reltzik

          Huh.

          And here I thought Trump cheated by courting porn stars and Playboy models and committing sexual harassment.

        3. Needfuldoer

          That’s just one definition of ‘cheating’ that fits him.

          “Cheat your way up by claiming to be something you’re not” has been his M.O. for decades.

        4. Rabid Rabbit

          There’s also Trump University. Never forget Trump University.

          (And, of course, the electoral college, but that’s not so much cheating as winning thanks to the system. As someone from Canada, all I can say is “Great, another reason for people to look at how things are here and go “Yeah, they’re not ideal, but at least they’re not as bad as in the States…”)

        5. Ryek Hvek

          Tales of Trump University is a comic waiting to happen

        6. Miri

          It’s not just us Brits who do that?

          And thanks to the clown in charge of our country and trade negotiations, a side helping of “please don’t let us become as bad as the United States…” Most people I know like our food standards, for instance (unchlorinated chicken is the one we hear about most frequently, but also including places of origin, transparent nutritional and ingredients info, not including corn syrup as an ingredient in pretty much all foods, etc…)

        7. Ryek Hvek

          the wonderfulness of corn syrup is evidenced by their producers’ attempts to rename it “corn sugar”

    3. Needfuldoer

      E-tailors are great, though. They make sure the middle line doesn’t extend too far, and get the curl to end just right so you don’t get too much of a circle.

      Though there was one I used to go to that tried to sell me weirdly proportioned lowercase E-s. Turns out the crook was getting cheap schwa-s and flipping them upside-down, trying to pass them off as first quality e-s. They lost my business and got a 1-star review.

  9. Pagemistress

    Aw, I was hoping this would happen.
    What Walky did was a pretty important step, even if it wasn’t a huge one. Sal realizes this. And I knew that it wasn’t big enough to warrant a hug…
    That meant “thanks” was the only thing left. Good to know that some times, you can predict what will happen, be right, and just enjoy the feel good result.

    1. Minotaur

      Then, again, that hug was never going to happen: they never were a hugging family

      1. Pagemistress

        Yeah, I figure a hug will come from something really big if it happens. I dunno what it could be, but it’d be big.

        1. aqua

          Joyce meddling

  10. Kyrik Michalowski

    I can’t tell if Sal serious with her thanks or not, but I’m going to work under the assumption she is. In which case, it’s good to see Walky and Sal getting along.

    Now what are Linda and Charles saying while they’re gone? And is Linda going to really try to get Amber expelled?

    1. Lokitsu

      I think Sal’s a little surprised.

    2. DailyBrad

      I think she’s being serious, yeah. Sal and Walky have been getting along better lately, and like she says, they’re not a hugging family. So I think she’s being sincere.

    3. Regalli

      Sal – Guessing so? Walky in particular has been trying to reach out and do better with Sal for a while now, and Sal’s been aware of it. Also, Linda is REALLY GOOD at making her children feel like garbage and Sal knows that too, so she’s probably aware it took some effort.

      Linda – Given past events (stealing money to try and force Sal to abandon her best friend, sending Sal states away and never visiting after the convenience store,) ‘get rid of whatever is bothering me’ seems to be a strategy she uses on occasion. Plus, as Walky points out, she used to be married to Dean McHenry and seems to have had an amicable breakup. That is DEFINITELY a connection that is set up in the first act to be leveraged in the third, and ‘try to get one of the kidnapping victims expelled for being kidnapped’ is PRECISELY the level of misuse I’d expect from Linda with it!

      I mean, MAYBE she’ll take a minute, cool off, and listen to her kids! And maybe Dexter will burst out of the TV and declare himself the new godking of this planet, and Walky’s knowledge of esoteric Dexter and Monkey Master lore will prove vital to the resistance! Both are about equally likely.

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        I want Walky to have that dream now. Willis, if you’re ever in need of a nonsensical dream, this is the one.

        1. Regalli

          I honestly would be 100% fine with the return of Head Alien and his particular brand of CARTOONISH emotional manipulation games. The cast has even had time to build up some resistance to that shit. Plus, giant robot monkey!

        2. Miri

          Not having been routinely tortured by the aliens as children might just help with the whole mental resilience towards their tricks thing, methinks…

      2. Regina phalange

        Yeah, at the moment Linda has zero reason to NOT pursue Amber’s expulsion. To her, she’s just the common denominator in her children’s pain (we as readers know that the Walkerton parenting style seems to be the true common denominator, but hey….), and it’s not like either of her kids have put up much of a fight. Sal made a comment that Linda could easily write off as simple sass and then walked away without actually advocating for anything, and Walky only defended Sal’s behavior.

        Granted, assuming in the next few strips her kids actually say something approaching “hey, I don’t want you to do that,” she seems to be a bull-dozer of a parent anyway, so I doubt it will matter.

        1. Regalli

          Yeah, I’m pretty sure Sal walked away because she knew Linda won’t suddenly start listening to her today of all days. And Walky’s best attempts (‘she’s our friend’ and ‘I’m kind of dating her, maybe?’) would probably both prompt a reaction similar to her one over Marcie. The issue then becomes that the twins are making friends with The Wrong Kind Of People again!

          Uuuugh, Linda.

        2. BBCC

          She has a very good reason not to pursue Amber’s expulsion – the kidnapping is not Amber’s fault and it’s shitty human being behaviour to punish someone for something they are not responsible for.

          She DID stab Sal five years ago, but that’s not something the school’s going to kick Amber out for. I mean, they’re not kicking Sal out for holding Ethan hostage with a knife so. And Linda didn’t give a rat’s ass about her daughter’s hand if not was actively shitty about it (she doesn’t hide her hand from them for no reason) until it affected Walky.

        3. SuperZero

          Linda isn’t exactly showing much interest in her children’s pain.

          And they both made it clear they don’t want her to. Well, Walky expressed shock at her conclusion, but close enough.

    4. Cyrus

      I think she’s sincere, particularly since she’s the one who brought up Walky ‘breaking ranks’. If he’d come out bragging about sticking up for her, it would’ve been a different story, but it feels like Sal was hopefully reaching for a bit of solidarity from Walky and got more than she expected.

  11. Mr D

    Took me 2 or 3 reads to realize the “manager” Walky is talking about is the Dean.

    1. Geneseepaws

      I was also confused, and was pretty sure it wouldn’t have been The Blaine.

  12. BBCC

    THAT TITLE THOUGH.

    And good brothering, Walky. With stuff like this, you’ll steadily improve your grade.

    1. Regalli

      I mean, Walky’s line was literally what I thought reading the strip two days ago. Seriously, Linda, stop being such a Stereotypical Gen Xer White Woman, Asma or someone’s probably writing you up on the campus subreddit as we speak. You’re only embarrassing yourself here.

      … Actually, on second thought? Keep at it. Please. I want to see that JustNoCollegeParents post. We already saw on Robin’s Twitter Willis redrawing the Distracted Boyfriend meme for a Tweet that didn’t make it in the thread, I want to see what memes can be applied to Linda.

      1. King Daniel

        We did end up seeing that meme in-comic, here: https://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-9-comic/03-sometimes-the-sky-was-so-far-away/orangeone/

        1. Regalli

          Oh, right! The one at the end of the Kidnapping Thread was just repurposed after the art already existed!

  13. Wilson Phillips

    If you can’t stand up for your twin, who can you stand up for?

  14. StClair

    lot of… ellipses in this comic.
    (and awkward pauses in the conversation.)

  15. Hazel

    Woo! Awkward rekindling of a strained sibling relationship!

    1. Regalli

      Awkward rekindling of a strained sibling relationship!

      … Pat, pat.

      1. Hazel

        Pat, pat 😀

        I think the Walkerton twins would do well in Gravity Falls

  16. Regina phalange

    …..but if your child’s kidnapping from campus isn’t a good enough reason to “speak to a manager,” I don’t know what is? Sure, the specific thing she wants from the Dean is stupid, but the dig here seems to be more about the fact that she’s demanding to speak to the Dean than the fact that she’s got a bad goal in doing so. What halfway decent parent WOULDN’T want to talk to the Dean over something like this?! (Now a good person would be advocating for something like stronger campus safety measures rather than the expulsion of another victim, but no one’s saying Linda doesn’t tip “bad” on the good person scale….)

    1. Fred

      Yeah… Maybe Linda should talk to Campus Security or to the Provost. Keeping kids safe from kidnapping isn’t really a Dean’s job. If she wants the Dean to expel Amber, maybe she could mention how Amber hacked in and falsified another student’s grades!

    2. Leorale

      She could’ve hugged her kids, asked how they were, and listened to them, first. I think the Walkertons missed that step.

    3. Alaric

      I think the “speak to the manager” line has more to do with the WAY she wants to speak with the Dean, and what she’s going to say, rather than the fact of it. The phrase has come to represent a specific sort of entitled, unreasonable complaining. Otherwise, he would have said “talk to the Dean”.

    4. belladonnalin

      *waves* Hi! I sit on my university’s conduct pool, the body that would actually suspend or expel a student from my university (all public institutions that I know of have one. Don’t know about private unis.). The Dean of Students’ office houses our process, but the actual Dean of Students doesn’t have anything to do with the process.

      The only people who can be put through our process are actual students and the person making the complaint must be a member of the university community OR there must be police reporting about that student committing a crime. Because Amber’s dual identity hasn’t been made public to others, they couldn’t get her for assault for her vigilante acts. And we couldn’t act on Blaine kidnapping them to get to her because … no student code alive makes a student responsible for the actions of people who want to harm them via proxy, not even their parents.

      It’s a hella Karen move and white, privileged women try to pull shit like this all the time, so we know how to deal with them.

      1. Stanistani

        *virtual applause*

        Things have improved since I was at University. I checked and this is now more common.

  17. Bagge

    We did not know about that last part, Walky.

    1. Bagge

      and we did not NEED to know about that last part either. Not knowing about it was great.

    2. JessWitt

      That’s our Walky, always giving us pertinent information.

      1. Ron again

        Is “Soiled” always used in the literal sence of “having pissed your pants”? Not a native english speaker here.

        1. ktbear

          It could also be a case of feeling soiled I guess so no, not always literally.

        2. Ron again

          Thanks!

        3. NelC

          That was how I read it. Didn’t occur to me that he meant the other thing, even metaphorically. If it was that, I certainly hope that he was being Walky’s version of florid.

        4. Benjamin Geiger

          I took it as similar to Roy saying to Belkar “Your approval fills me with shame.”

        5. Deanatay

          I interpreted ‘soiled’ as meaning that he hasn’t changed his pants in several weeks, and they’re starting to get really uncomfortable.

  18. JessWitt

    I can’t wait for the dean to flat out reject Linda’s plan to kick out Amber. Even if they are friendly exes, there’s no way he’d do this, right?

    1. Bagge

      …right?

      1. Ron again

        … right?

    2. BenRG

      Not until Robin publicly comes out to acclaim Amber, Sal, Dorothy and Joyce as ‘true American heroes’. Then they’ll be untouchable.

    3. Ray Radlein

      Kicking out a student for the crime of having been forcibly kidnapped from in front of her dorm is probably not the kind of publicity a university wants

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        Well, we know the Dean is concerned about what happens inside the dorms (see how he deals with Roz’s video). Maybe he’s less concerned about what happens in the street?

        Wait, same girl who slashed up another kid in front of the same dorm not a very long time ago. Hmm. She may start to seem a liability.

        1. thejeff

          A kid who was going to go inside the dorm to slash up a couple of girls – any bad publicity from Amber’s slashing of him would pale by comparison to that from him succeeding.

  19. Juanoku

    God I’m getting flashbacks to me and MY sister…

  20. BenRG

    I’m wondering if Charles is going to be sent out by The Boss to find out where Walky has gone to and wonder what the twins are laughing about. Guess what, away from the parental favouritism, they remembered that they love each other.

  21. Newllend(henryvolt)

    Since we’re still on the subject did Linda ever give Sal back that 200 dollars she stole?

    1. Hazel

      Worse, it was $700.

      1. Newllend(henryvolt)

        What the hell did she even do with that?

        1. Hazel

          Justified it being used for the boarding school maybe? Or maybe she actually gave it back (years too late) and Sal used the money for her tattoo or motorbike?

        2. Rabid Rabbit

          I’ve been wondering that. Sal was very clear that she bought her motorbike with her own goddamn money, so I wonder if, when she was about to go to college, Linda handed her the money she stole and told her to do something responsible with it, and Sal went “Fuck you” and bought a motorbike instead. (I can’t imagine Linda approves of the motorbike.)

          On the other hand, I have a hard time imagining that if Linda gave Sal the money back just before she went to college, Sal didn’t immeidately hand it over to Marcie to use for rent or whatever.

        3. Regalli

          Yeaaaah, I’m betting boarding school. She stole the money as leverage against Sal’s ‘bad behavior’ (hanging out with a friend Linda disapproved of,) she keeps the money because Sal acted even WORSE, she never connects the obvious dots that Sal got involved in convenience store holdups because Linda stole the money.

  22. Kaffeeteria

    My hero!

  23. ktbear

    It could also be a case of feeling soiled I guess so no, not always literally.

  24. Rabid Rabbit

    Gee, Walky, we already know you’re the lighter-complexioned twin, you don’t have to bring it up again… /s

    1. Eldritchy

      He means he pissed himself… a bit

  25. Keulen

    I’m not sure what Walky means by “I’m lightly soiled”, and I’m not sure if I want to know.

  26. DarkoNeko

    oh, he means he almost shat his pants. Took me way too long to understand

  27. KSClaw

    Gee Walky, be careful, you might strain yourself from showing compassion to your sister.

    1. Rabid Rabbit

      Don’t think he strained himself. Pretty sure his bladder (or possibly bowels) just went loose of their own accord.

    2. Zee

      Not sure how he’s being uncompassionate here? If you’re expecting something big and feelingsy you’re not gonna get it from these twins

  28. CE

    I vote for the Keeners, the Saruyamas, and the Warners to get joint custody of all the cast members with bad parents.

    Hank can maybe have supervised visits, if Joyce says it’s okay.

    1. Human Bean

      Noooooo, not the Warners! The mom’s a hug monster with no sense of boundaries D:

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        Sure, but she and the Saruyamas probably cancel each other out.

    2. BBCC

      The Ruttens should get to adopt too. According to Carla, they’re great.

  29. thumb

    He’s lightly soiled from this.
    But he is heavily soiled from earlier.

  30. Rabisch

    I just hope Amber will not be expelled.

  31. ValdVin

    “Lightly soiled” explains some of his incredible expressions in the last strip.

  32. Reltzik

    The following is probably not a great plan, but…

    I wonder how much effort Dean McHenry would put into expelling Amber under certain circumstances.

    See, Amber hasn’t (to the knowledge of anyone official, save Ruth) done anything to warrant expulsion. The fight with Sal MIGHT count, though given how they’ve buried the hatchet and no one’s pressing charges that probably wouldn’t be expulsion-territory. AG vigilantism on campus would definitely count (and the administration wouldn’t distinguish between alters), but the only official who knows about it is Ruth and she’s not reporting it. Hacking Walky’s grades would count, but no one knows anything about that. A juvenile offense from 5(?) years ago doesn’t keep a person out of public university, not if they’ve served their time. (And I don’t know if Amber even got time.) Nor do the crimes of a parent.

    That said, Dean McHenry might push for expulsion using several illegitimate (or technically legitimate, but against the spirit of the rule) techniques. It’s below the McHenry’s paygrade, but he’s got plenty of ability to interfere. As one example, he could push a media narrative that Amber was a co-conspirator with Blaine, which if true would definitely be grounds to expel her (and also arrest and imprison her). It’d be false, but if the truth could come to light he could step back and say “we may have acted hastily on incomplete information out of an abundance of concern for our students” and not get in any real trouble for it. On the other hand, you’ve got the other five kidnapees (six if you count Dina… though she was never really kidnapped) who would give very credible accounts to the contrary.

    I kinda want to see just that sort of thing happen, if only for the look on her face when both Sal and Walky go public in support of Amber. Maybe, say, an evening talk-show interview with all three seated next to the host. Walky and Amber holding hands because of official relationship. First going over the Blaine kidnapping, then going back to the convenience store robbery. Both Sal and Amber saying that what they did was very wrong, but they were stupid kids and they’ve since forgiven each other, and oh btw the reason Sal did it was because she was trying to raise money for her friend’s surgery after LINDA WALKERTON (hi mom) stole what she’d already raised.

    It’d be pretty hard for McHenry to keep pushing for expulsion under those circumstances.

    My sense for McHenry is that he isn’t going to cave to Linda that easily unless there is some legit path for expelling Amber. But Linda’s definitely prepared to, and I’d guess our gang is going to push back.

    It’s kind of appropriate that the July 4th strip, the day when pretty much every town and city in the US is going to be blasting The Star Spangled Banner out of loudspeakers, gives us the setup for the battle of/for McHenry.

    ….

    *flees for dear punning life*

    1. Rabid Rabbit

      You’re forgetting that Amber eviscerated another student, whose parents are currently suing her and her mother for everything they have.

      McHenry was also willing to threaten Roz with suspension for using the campus as a porn shoot location (something even Roz had to admit was a good argument). The optics of the university are paramount to him.

      Now, Amber slashing GashFace was self-defence — BUT, now Linda come along and informs McHenry that she’s the one who stabbed Sal. Slashed another student + stabbed another now-student 5 years ago = definite liability. Amber apparently isn’t to be trusted around knives. McHenry starts to doubt.

      Alright, Amber may have some political support, but it comes from Robyn, and we all know McHenry didn’t vote for her. Who’s he more afraid out, the congresswoman who’s probably about to be voted out, or his ex-wife?

      Of course, there are other considerations. All the other kidnap victims speaking up for Amber, for instance, and God knows Leslie will. But she’s a fairly junior member of staff, so how much her opinion will count is up for grabs. But then, there are the parents of the other kidnappees, who may not have Linda’s clout, but McHenry might take into account. Hmm. What are they likely to say?

      Stacy: I LOVE MY DAUGHTER!!! DON’T DO ANYTHING TO HER!!!

      Deborah and Jeremiah: We love our daughter very much and trust everything she says. Please reconsider. She’ll probably be President someday, and then where will you be?

      Naomi: SHE TURNED MY SON GAY I KNEW SHE WAS EVIL GET HER OUT GET HER OUT GET HER OUT AND THEN GET SOMEONE TO FUCK MY SON SO HE CAN KNOCK HER UP AND I CAN HAVE GRANDBABIES!!!

      Saul: I know that may sound unpleasant, but just like drinking beer or having sex with women, you could get used to it.

      Haruka and Ryou: … [But it is clearly understood that this means that if their daughter is disappointed, McHenry will be fed to the raptor.]

      Sarah’s parents: Okay, fine, we have no idea.

      Sarah’s Nana: I’VE GOT A FOUR-FOOT LONG DILDO AND I WILL FUCKING USE IT ON YOU, BUSTER!!! NOW DO WHAT MY SARAH SAYS!

      Richard: I’M NOT ONE OF THE KIDNAPPEES’ PARENTS BUT I’M BANGING THE MOTHER OF ONE OF THEM AND I AGREE WITH WHAT SHE SAYS!!!

      There’s also the possibility that the Ruttens gave a large donation to the university and that’s part of why Carla got to go and stay in the correct dorm (on top of Harrison’s legal chops, of course), and it seems likely that if Carla asks them, they’d rescind the grant. And frankly, the Ruttens’ money probably overweighs Linda’s… Linda-ness.

      1. Regalli

        I STRONGLY suspect that the Ruttens leveraged being The Ruttens to get Carla correctly gendered. Not sure if that was generous donations, threatened legal action with the backing of Ruttech money meaning they can match the university billable hour for billable hour, or some combination therein. Either way, if Carla decides to intervene on Amber’s behalf (though she’d probably be doing it because Sal or Joyce or the like get her involved, Carla only sort of knows Amber at most,) they are ABSOLUTELY bigger fish than Linda.

        1. Miri

          They joined the roller Derby together

      2. BBCC

        McHenry would also probably do well to remember GashFace was going to make his way into the dorm to hack up two other girls for reporting him for rape. Punishing Amber for stopping him is PROBABLY not a look McHenry wants either.

        1. Rabid Rabbit

          Now now, we can’t prove that the nice pastor’s son was going to do that. All we’ve got is the word of two *chuckle* girls, and one of them isn’t that stable — the one who did the slashing, for that matter. He didn’t use the knife. As a matter of fact, can we even prove it was his? Sure, it has both their fingerprints on it, but only one of them got cut — isn’t that suspicious? Honestly, I’m not sure he was armed with anything more than his phone.

          Ba-dum-tish! Sorry, that will never stop being funny. And yes, aside from the other girls coming forward in the aftermath, he was apparently stoned to the gills, so it’s kind of hard to make him the victim. Except white pastor’s son!

        2. BBCC

          I can very easily see some asshole trying to frame it that way but Dorothy is pretty reliable and there are cameras on the door. That’s why Amber’s not been arrested and made to prove self-defence thus far.

    2. poofdepoof

      Here to appreciate your pun, Reltznik

  33. Rabid Rabbit

    And it strikes me as appalling that no one else has said this so far, so here goes: most people called Karen are actually very nice, and this particular meme is deeply unfair to them. Just saying.

    And no, I don’t just say this because my brother married one and her name’s not Karen.

    1. Ryek Hvek

      I have one relative who is probably glad her father wasn’t a great speller and gave her an extra ‘R’ in her name.

      1. SolomonK

        Please say hello to Kraren for us when you see her!

        1. Ryek Hvek

          “Release the Kraren!!”

    2. Regalli

      I know at least one Karen who’s fine with the name being memed on because she gets the phenomenon they’re describing and doesn’t take it personally, but yeah, as someone named Alexa I get the frustration.

      1. StClair

        Are people always telling/asking you to do stuff for them? Play songs? Look stuff up online?

      2. Miri

        Our Google bot has gotten confused and thought I was talking to it when I’ve said things like “Hey cutie” to the kids so I assume you just refuse to be in the same room as an Alexa bot to preserve your sanity?

        1. Regalli

          We do not have an Echo, we will never have an Echo, the one time I was in a house that had one we were all pretty careful to use my name as little as possible and still tagged it at one point by mistake. I hate Jeff Bezos for all the billionaire reasons but also on the purely personal one that even away from them, I still got fairly frequent jokes from strangers (back when, you know, you interacted with strangers on a regular basis) about ‘Alexa, do X.’ Including one from a relative who kept at it after I did the annoyed ‘yeah, never heard that one before.’ (The good news is that my immediate family all get that it’s an Issue and find it about as funny as I do. Both in the ‘ugh, People’ way and in the ‘my name has been coopted by a machine that is so commonplace podcast episodes have to warn if their guest happens to be named that in advance and that is some fucked-up cyberpunk shit’ way. With a side of ‘hey can we all have a talk about the blurring of humanizing bots and dehumanizing people inherent in using human names for these helper AIs, and especially the gendered component of using exclusively female ones and female voices? I feel like this needs to be a talk society has.’)

        2. Regalli

          Also: Yes, I insist on using the speaker itself’s name, not the AI, that distinction never had to be made in the first place.

          But yeah, even ignoring the jokes, the other thing I get on a fairly common basis is ‘well, you can just rename it!’ But while you can rename the individual unit, the issue with how SOCIETY AT LARGE associates the name with a speaker, and thus: cyberpunk dystopia bullshit where apparently we can’t use the name in media anymore ever because it might set the speakers off, and that includes anything talking to any of the myriad humans who had this name before the speaker did.

        3. Droewyn

          Our cat meowed once, prompting Alexa to rattle off a paragraph’s worth of facts about asteroids.

    3. not you again

      Not All Karens!

      …I will see myself out.

    4. Needfuldoer

      I have a meme name, but the stereotype doesn’t fit me, so whatever.

  34. Shadow Dreamer

    Walky and Sal are realizing what I wish no one ever had to.

    When your parents pit you against your sibling- hold tighter. If no one else will have your back- then you have to have each other.

  35. JA

    Someone bring Walky his brown pants.

  36. PB

    Hey Walky?

    Happy Independence Day. 🙂

    (Come on, I had to.)

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