People really ripping into Dorothy here. She’s not objecting to Joyce having a romantic interest or having sex, it’s (based on the evidence of her experience of having *known* Joe for years) WHO that she objects to. Dorothy isn’t being hypocrite, she’s actualy being a good friend to Joyce based on the information that she has. Unfortunately for her and Joe, her data is out of date. The only person with recent data is too horny to view it objectively. Still, it may work out anyways as it *appears* Joe is actually wanting to grow and be a better person.
Schpoonman
Amber has been coaching Joe on this exact problem.
HueSatLight
I think it’s ok not to be 100% objective WRT one’s feelings. Both for Joyce’s attraction (physical and emotional) to Joe, and Dorothy’s disdain for him. She just doesn’t like him, from their past, I don’t think knowing that he learned something in Gender Studies would make her stop disliking him. And that’s fine, nobody should be obligated to forgive or forget.
Dorothy’s angry at Joyce here, and that’s the problem. She’s trying to make Joyce’s decisions for her, compared to with Ethan and Jacob, she just expressed her disappointment, right? Her motives aren’t unjustified, but she’s crossing boundaries with her actions. She’s not team mom, she’s just another dumb freshman trying to learn how to be. Making the same mistakes Joyce made when Dorothy was with Walky.
J. Spider
Dorothy is too close to things on multiple sides. The proper way to handle the situation would be to open with empathy both in her discussion with Joe and her discussion with Joyce.
She’s incapable of making an empathy statement at the opening of her discussion where she resonates with the emotions of the person she’s speaking with before diving into her advice. Without performing that action she’s making a move to conclude XD. I used to work call center and you never move to conclude that’s how you end up in looping conversations where nothing moves forwards.
I get that Dorothy likely doesn’t know these tricks even as a polisci major
JRivest
Dorothy is off her game. We’ve seen her be more tactful and empathetic in the past. She’s under a lot of stress (possibly Yale-related, but she’s also having a bit of an identity crisis, as several people have questioned her people-skills and she’s getting desperate to prove them wrong, and ironically she’s just probing them right) and she is frustrated with Joyce in general lately.
Archieve
I think your on to something with Dorothy trying to disprove her lack of people skills. One interpretation i haven’t considerd as much is she’s trying to work her charisma into giving herself the voice of authority and Is getting increasingly frustrated that people (mainly Joyce and Joe) arent responding like she they shoul. In her mind If she can’t make her own friend and old frienemy listen to her then how can she get a nation to listen?
Wizard
If I have to be probed, I’d certainly prefer to be probed right. (Sorry, I try not to make fun of typos, but there are some I just can’t pass up.)
Pylgrim
Dorothy, a fledging scholar and passionate about gender studies doesn’t allow her to believe that they can change the mind of people based on her own negative perceptions of them. I think that’s where the “hypocrite” call is coming from.
thejeff
I mean, gender studies didn’t actually change Joe’s mind. It was the revelation of the list and Joyce’s talk about her experience with Ryan and how Joe’s treatment of women echoed with that.
Yes, we are ripping in to Dorothy. Because she’s treating Joyce like a child. AGAIN. As if there’s no way Joyce could enter a relationship with Joe unless she had no idea of his history (or was ignoring it). She’s letting her disdain for Joe override her friendship with Joyce. And yes, it’s damned hypocritical of her to do so. She claims to be a feminist. Feminisim is supposed to be all about the ability and right to choose whatever, whenever. She’s trying to deny Joyce the ability to choose an adult relationship because JOE BAD.
And the sooner Joyce slaps her with the wet mackrel of self-awareness, the better for all involved.
Or better still: Joyce blows her off. Dorothy goes to Danny in desperation. And runs into Sal, who having no reason not to, reads her for filth.
I’m starting to wonder what history Dorothy has with Joe we don’t know about. Like it can’t just be he was a super misogynistic dude bro could it?….Actually no, maybe that’s enough.
This feels like something more than just knowing him. It feels like Joe or being associated with Joe in some way hurt Dorothy. Like she’s seen first hand what dating him has done to women. Which is strange since Joe has been all about the casual hookup so I can’t imagine him bringing girls or the topic of women around Dorothy at all except in that very bragging way.
Nono
Maybe the Future President was worried about the optics for hanging out so much around a sleazy womanizer.
GholaHalleck
Nonsense, that’s part of the 20 year plan. every president since Eisenhower either had a sex pest bestie or WAS the sex pest bestie.
It’s probably the age old “My best friend dated my BF’s best friend, he was only after casual bang buddies, she wanted more, they broke up, I lost my Best friend because I didn’t break up with BF because I was a moron and didn’t realize he didn’t fit into my 20 year plan for the white house.” Said in the Leslie Knope voice.
Maybe she was aquainted enough with some of the girls Joe had a fling with to know what happened afterwards?
Either that or she’s making a lot of assumptions about what these girls were expecting vs what they got? I’m expecting the former as highschools are generally small enough to be atleast aquainted with nearly everyone in one’s year group…
Mark
If Dorothy has seen “what dating [Joe] has done to women,” I wish she’d tell us. The few we’ve seen all seemed satisfied. There are plenty who will tell you, “Joe is creepy” (and they turned him down), but no one has said, “Joe abused me.”
I feel that there are a lot of unspoken assumptions about What Women Want. Not every woman wants the same thing, and any given woman may want different things at different times.
Wizard
Whatever his flaws, Joe has always been honest and upfront about the fact that he wasn’t interested in anything beyond a quick fling. He seems to have a very good grasp on the meaning of consent, and whenever a woman makes it clear she’s not interested, he quickly backs off and moves on.
foamy
Yes, *now*.
Dorothy’s known him for a lot longer than just college.
King Daniel
Also, Joe has a history of repeatedly making sexually-charged comments in Sarah’s direction, for instance, even after she made it clear that she was in no way interested in him. Don’t think that qualifies as “quickly backing off and moving on”.
I was going through old dorothy+joe tagged strips for interactions between them (and boy are there a lot of done-with-his-shit expressions on Dorothy’s face when they wind up directly interacting not about Danny)
I think https://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/presidential/ is actually extremely telling, even accounting for the fact that Dorothy was elsewise in a bad mood. I can pretty easily imagine years of Joe putting down Dorothy’s ambitions in assorted misogynistic ways thinking he’s funny, while Dorothy feels socially obligated not to object, which he takes as her not minding……
Also keep in mind that due to the sliding timescale, Dorothy (19) would now have been born in 2003/2004. She’d have been in high school with Joe during the Trump presidency. Just to add another level of fucked-upness to all that.
I mean, the “do list” and this interaction would be enough for me to act like Dorothy is here. And he had that horrible list of ratings that happened like a couple of months ago comic time. She’s just telling her friend not to date a jerkwad, a time honored tradition
Wizard
Trying to give your friend the best information you have? Cool. Trying to make her decisions for her? Not so cool. Dorothy is dangerously close to pushing this too far.
i remember joe saying he was gonna make her an ‘8’ on his ‘do’ list but i don’t think he mentioned anything about actually hooking up with her (well not that he’d do that/admit it to danny at that point but feels like we would’ve gotten hints? or maybe it’s something like with liz where tehy stop halfway)
There’s an idea going around that she got horny and turned to him for his casual sex specialty during the timeskip, but I don’t see any real support for it.
I don’t know whats worse, being told to “calm yourself” (has telling someone to calm down ever worked?) or grabbing someone from behind so their head jerks back (although I might think its bad because I currently have a stiff neck)
Some people are into that. Not my idea of fun, but what consenting adults do in private is none of my business. In this case, I really want it to be none of my business.
So, Joe seduced Dorothy while she was dating his best friend? I’m trying to think what else could explain Dorothy’s grudge against Joe but that’s all I can come up with.
338 thoughts on “Calm yourself”
Ana Chronistic
“JOYCE, I BEG YOU, DON’T CAST YOUR BODY INTO THE CRAGGED SHAME PITS OF THE LUST-WOLVES!”
“Dotty, this is no longer adorable.”
The Wellerman
Welp, she wouldn’t be *presidential* if she weren’t a hypocrite, go figure -_-
Decidedly Orthogonal
People really ripping into Dorothy here. She’s not objecting to Joyce having a romantic interest or having sex, it’s (based on the evidence of her experience of having *known* Joe for years) WHO that she objects to. Dorothy isn’t being hypocrite, she’s actualy being a good friend to Joyce based on the information that she has. Unfortunately for her and Joe, her data is out of date. The only person with recent data is too horny to view it objectively. Still, it may work out anyways as it *appears* Joe is actually wanting to grow and be a better person.
Schpoonman
Amber has been coaching Joe on this exact problem.
HueSatLight
I think it’s ok not to be 100% objective WRT one’s feelings. Both for Joyce’s attraction (physical and emotional) to Joe, and Dorothy’s disdain for him. She just doesn’t like him, from their past, I don’t think knowing that he learned something in Gender Studies would make her stop disliking him. And that’s fine, nobody should be obligated to forgive or forget.
Dorothy’s angry at Joyce here, and that’s the problem. She’s trying to make Joyce’s decisions for her, compared to with Ethan and Jacob, she just expressed her disappointment, right? Her motives aren’t unjustified, but she’s crossing boundaries with her actions. She’s not team mom, she’s just another dumb freshman trying to learn how to be. Making the same mistakes Joyce made when Dorothy was with Walky.
J. Spider
Dorothy is too close to things on multiple sides. The proper way to handle the situation would be to open with empathy both in her discussion with Joe and her discussion with Joyce.
She’s incapable of making an empathy statement at the opening of her discussion where she resonates with the emotions of the person she’s speaking with before diving into her advice. Without performing that action she’s making a move to conclude XD. I used to work call center and you never move to conclude that’s how you end up in looping conversations where nothing moves forwards.
I get that Dorothy likely doesn’t know these tricks even as a polisci major
JRivest
Dorothy is off her game. We’ve seen her be more tactful and empathetic in the past. She’s under a lot of stress (possibly Yale-related, but she’s also having a bit of an identity crisis, as several people have questioned her people-skills and she’s getting desperate to prove them wrong, and ironically she’s just probing them right) and she is frustrated with Joyce in general lately.
Archieve
I think your on to something with Dorothy trying to disprove her lack of people skills. One interpretation i haven’t considerd as much is she’s trying to work her charisma into giving herself the voice of authority and Is getting increasingly frustrated that people (mainly Joyce and Joe) arent responding like she they shoul. In her mind If she can’t make her own friend and old frienemy listen to her then how can she get a nation to listen?
Wizard
If I have to be probed, I’d certainly prefer to be probed right. (Sorry, I try not to make fun of typos, but there are some I just can’t pass up.)
Pylgrim
Dorothy, a fledging scholar and passionate about gender studies doesn’t allow her to believe that they can change the mind of people based on her own negative perceptions of them. I think that’s where the “hypocrite” call is coming from.
thejeff
I mean, gender studies didn’t actually change Joe’s mind. It was the revelation of the list and Joyce’s talk about her experience with Ryan and how Joe’s treatment of women echoed with that.
Joy
I really like Dorothy this arc.
Freezer
Yes, we are ripping in to Dorothy. Because she’s treating Joyce like a child. AGAIN. As if there’s no way Joyce could enter a relationship with Joe unless she had no idea of his history (or was ignoring it). She’s letting her disdain for Joe override her friendship with Joyce. And yes, it’s damned hypocritical of her to do so. She claims to be a feminist. Feminisim is supposed to be all about the ability and right to choose whatever, whenever. She’s trying to deny Joyce the ability to choose an adult relationship because JOE BAD.
And the sooner Joyce slaps her with the wet mackrel of self-awareness, the better for all involved.
Or better still: Joyce blows her off. Dorothy goes to Danny in desperation. And runs into Sal, who having no reason not to, reads her for filth.
Clif
The reality is there is nothing like a mother’s disapproval to make a boyfriend more attractive.
Steamweed
‘Dis rightcheer. Now her obsessing mind will obsess yet more.
Joy
This comment section is infantilising Joyce way more than Dorothy. -_-
Freezer
Disapproving Big Sis, then?
Doctor_Who
“And then he takes out his Tummy Wand and-”
“His what?”
“Nothing. I know that’s not a thing. I’m still working through some stuff, okay?”
Opus the Poet
Two minutes, I doubt the comic fully loaded before someone made this comment.
Clif
Two long long minutes. And then the space-time was brought back into balance.
Freezer
“Tummy Wand” has now forced itself into my mental list of euphemisms.
Sirksome
I’m starting to wonder what history Dorothy has with Joe we don’t know about. Like it can’t just be he was a super misogynistic dude bro could it?….Actually no, maybe that’s enough.
Thag Simmons
I mean, she knew him for years. Plenty of time for relatively minor issues to fester into deep resentments
Sirksome
This feels like something more than just knowing him. It feels like Joe or being associated with Joe in some way hurt Dorothy. Like she’s seen first hand what dating him has done to women. Which is strange since Joe has been all about the casual hookup so I can’t imagine him bringing girls or the topic of women around Dorothy at all except in that very bragging way.
Nono
Maybe the Future President was worried about the optics for hanging out so much around a sleazy womanizer.
GholaHalleck
Nonsense, that’s part of the 20 year plan. every president since Eisenhower either had a sex pest bestie or WAS the sex pest bestie.
Freezer
Consider this comment upvoted.
GholaHalleck
It’s probably the age old “My best friend dated my BF’s best friend, he was only after casual bang buddies, she wanted more, they broke up, I lost my Best friend because I didn’t break up with BF because I was a moron and didn’t realize he didn’t fit into my 20 year plan for the white house.” Said in the Leslie Knope voice.
Psi Baka Onna
Maybe she was aquainted enough with some of the girls Joe had a fling with to know what happened afterwards?
Either that or she’s making a lot of assumptions about what these girls were expecting vs what they got? I’m expecting the former as highschools are generally small enough to be atleast aquainted with nearly everyone in one’s year group…
Mark
If Dorothy has seen “what dating [Joe] has done to women,” I wish she’d tell us. The few we’ve seen all seemed satisfied. There are plenty who will tell you, “Joe is creepy” (and they turned him down), but no one has said, “Joe abused me.”
I feel that there are a lot of unspoken assumptions about What Women Want. Not every woman wants the same thing, and any given woman may want different things at different times.
Wizard
Whatever his flaws, Joe has always been honest and upfront about the fact that he wasn’t interested in anything beyond a quick fling. He seems to have a very good grasp on the meaning of consent, and whenever a woman makes it clear she’s not interested, he quickly backs off and moves on.
foamy
Yes, *now*.
Dorothy’s known him for a lot longer than just college.
King Daniel
Also, Joe has a history of repeatedly making sexually-charged comments in Sarah’s direction, for instance, even after she made it clear that she was in no way interested in him. Don’t think that qualifies as “quickly backing off and moving on”.
tim gueguen
Jealousy of Joe being closer to Danny than her?
Tan
I was going through old dorothy+joe tagged strips for interactions between them (and boy are there a lot of done-with-his-shit expressions on Dorothy’s face when they wind up directly interacting not about Danny)
I think https://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/presidential/ is actually extremely telling, even accounting for the fact that Dorothy was elsewise in a bad mood. I can pretty easily imagine years of Joe putting down Dorothy’s ambitions in assorted misogynistic ways thinking he’s funny, while Dorothy feels socially obligated not to object, which he takes as her not minding……
King Daniel
“Aw, c’mon Dorothy, I say stuff like that all the time. You’ve never got mad at me before.”
Yeah, I can definitely see that.
Jamie
This is a good theory.
King Daniel
Also keep in mind that due to the sliding timescale, Dorothy (19) would now have been born in 2003/2004. She’d have been in high school with Joe during the Trump presidency. Just to add another level of fucked-upness to all that.
Qube
it’s worth noting that a couple of strips later he follows them explicitly to apologize for saying that
tunasammich
I mean, the “do list” and this interaction would be enough for me to act like Dorothy is here. And he had that horrible list of ratings that happened like a couple of months ago comic time. She’s just telling her friend not to date a jerkwad, a time honored tradition
Wizard
Trying to give your friend the best information you have? Cool. Trying to make her decisions for her? Not so cool. Dorothy is dangerously close to pushing this too far.
anon
i remember joe saying he was gonna make her an ‘8’ on his ‘do’ list but i don’t think he mentioned anything about actually hooking up with her (well not that he’d do that/admit it to danny at that point but feels like we would’ve gotten hints? or maybe it’s something like with liz where tehy stop halfway)
thejeff
There’s an idea going around that she got horny and turned to him for his casual sex specialty during the timeskip, but I don’t see any real support for it.
thejeff
Seems to me like that’s basically enough. Probably with some level of seeing the aftermath with other girls he’d hooked up with back in high school
JepMZ
Even without being in the know of his most personal conquests in full detail, he still already had the sex scandal video at the start of school
Ellen
Thank you for this mental image
of Joe
twerking up into Joyce’s face.
Doctor_Who
Let us pray Willis never draws a Slipshine set inside Joyce’s imagination.
Sajuuk-Khar
Says YOU, Time Lord
The Wellerman
Wait a minute, isn’t imagination where her comic comes from? 😮
Wraithy2773
I seriously doubt that such a strip would make it past the editor, thank you.
…
Now, if it was girl-on-girl twerking, we all know how insanely thirsty that poor woman is.
True Survivor
For some reason all I could think of when this came up was the evil layer building segment of this strange wonderful nightmare: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8R1kleY9Jxc
Sajuuk-Khar
In the days
And weeks ahead
Joyce boutta eat that booty
Like challah bread
William Leonard Reese Jr.
*Trying to picture the kneading of the face with the butt*
. . . Like. . . like how some men can flex their pecs like in that one famous gif? But with butt and on the face?
I mean you do you Joyce, but now that image is stuck in my head.
Opus the Poet
I have seen bike riders who can do that with their glutes, especially after getting off the squat machine.
anon
i suppose a less intense version of twerking? xD
Yotomoe
DAMN Joyce. I’m gonna have to start writing this down.
Decidedly Orthogonal
And then illustrating it. And then sharing it!
shrub
I don’t know whats worse, being told to “calm yourself” (has telling someone to calm down ever worked?) or grabbing someone from behind so their head jerks back (although I might think its bad because I currently have a stiff neck)
Bicycle Bill
‘Kneading his face with my butt’??
Who are you, and what have you done with Joyce?
Sajuuk-Khar
It’s 2022, let Joyce eat ass
Slartibeast Button, BIA
It is impossible to be in this comic and not get Butts Disease in some form.
Emperor Norton II
Heck, you even have Butt in your nick.
Wizard
It’s even spreading to the readers! Butts!
nicoleandmaggie
ROFL
Bicycle Bill
Sorry, that should have been ‘kneading MY face with HIS butt’ … although that just sounds even worse.
Wizard
Some people are into that. Not my idea of fun, but what consenting adults do in private is none of my business. In this case, I really want it to be none of my business.
anon
she caught the butts diseasee
Keulen
I didn’t know Joyce was into that stuff.
Marvelman
So, Joe seduced Dorothy while she was dating his best friend? I’m trying to think what else could explain Dorothy’s grudge against Joe but that’s all I can come up with.
Yotomoe
He was a womanizing douche in her general vicinity for about 3 years?
Florence
Yea, I’m surprised by all the deeper explanations when it seems like this is the most obvious answer
King Daniel
Some people see Occam’s Razor and decide it would make an amazing component for their Rube Goldberg device.