150

Lease
Posted on April 9, 2021 by David M Willis
The Dumbing of Age Book 10 Kickstarter, for the 236-paged Renounce Magical Thinking and Embrace Empirical Evidence, has just passed $48k!  When it reaches $50K, we unlock the tenth magnet, HOSTAGE SARAH!  She's new art.  Hot dang. 18 days to go!

150 thoughts on “Lease”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    not even a realtor and tryna lock someone into a bad purchase before they catch on??

    1. Ana Chronistic

      that reminds me I should check GameStonks lolololol

      (I don’t actually own or short any, just massive curiosity)

      1. Lumino

        Diamond Hands!

        1. Keulen

          Apes Together Strong

        2. Chris

          Keulen, please explain your comment…

        3. Needfuldoer

          It’s a line from Rise of the Planet of the Apes that was used during the r/wallstreetbets GameStop stock short to refer to the unwashed masses of casual day traders holding their stocks to drive the value sky-high, and get one over on the professional short sellers who drove it down in the first place.

          https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ArqEUAgKUZI

        4. Despite Rage

          Before the Gamestop thing it was also a recurring meme on reddit that was sometimes (way too often) used for racist crap, cuz it’s reddit.

        5. Needfuldoer

          Ugh. Fuckin’ racist assholes have to appropriate everything into a dogwhistle…

        6. Shitbird

          Well the original planer of the apes series was about the racist metaphor that black people would take over the world so racists using that phrase is not very surprising. (A lot of movies from the 20th century used apes, especially Gorillas as a racist metaphor to black people such as king Kong )

      2. Clif

        Good choice.

        In the long run the market will be rational. In the short run the market can be irrational longer than you can afford.

    2. Needfuldoer

      Prices can’t rocket up forever. It’s only a matter of time until this new speculative bubble we’re in goes *pffbblt* and things come back to reality.

      The trick is to not be the one left holding the bag when the music stops.

      1. thejeff

        But for real estate (or the dating analogy here) the trick is just to get in early, before the price goes up. At least if you’re buying to live in, not to flip. If you buy your house when the price is low, you’re not left holding the bag when the bubble pops.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Yeah, I bought about three years ago and my only regret is not buying sooner. For maybe 10% more than I paid for a townhouse, I could’ve gotten a single-family with a garage in the same town a year earlier.

  2. Sirksome

    Clock’s ticking Lucy!…And also Jennifer since it appears Walky’s newfound hotness transcends gender. Walky bout to get all the d and p he can handle!

    1. woobie

      Even Billie Jennifer has noticed.

      1. Sirksome

        I’m not say he was definitely going to steal Asher from her if that interaction had lasted longer than an instant but I’m also not saying it’s a complete impossibility. Asher did initiate that interaction!

      2. Demoted Oblivious

        Billie Jenn(ifer) is not his lover.

        1. Charles Spencer

          She’s just a girl who says that he is the one.

        2. Hopeluminous

          But the kid is not his son.

      3. Clif

        Even Yunru noticed.

      4. Proto

        Even Speedwagon is afraid noticed!

    2. milu

      eh maybe Asher’s flirting with him, but people viewed as hot also tend to get more respect and non-sexual attention as well. (at least hot dudes do, i feel like being a hot chick comes with more blowback).

      1. milu

        Although it does need to be pointed out that FIT HOT GUYS HAVE PROBLEMS TOO

        1. Varangian

          GREAT NOW I’M GONNA BE IMAGINING ASHER, JOE, AND WALKY SINGING THAT NUMBER

          Walky definitely going “Give us back our shirts, you MONSTERS!”

  3. Kyrik Michalowski

    Is that Billie giving advice to Lucy? Because either way the metaphor goes over my head.

    1. JetstreamGW

      She’s saying she needs to get with Walky before he realizes that he’s attractive and interesting for confusing reasons now.

      His value has gone up, but he has not realized it, so she can jump in there right now without having to try harder.

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        I see, thank you for explaining. Now that I get it, that’s not the worst advice Jennifer could be giving.

        1. Clif

          It underestimates Walky’s ability to be oblivious.

      2. Keulen

        Thanks, I was trying to figure out what Jennifer meant in the last panel.

    2. Thag Simmons

      It roughly translates to “get that dick before someone else does”

    3. Viktoria

      Yes. The advice is “lock down Walky as bf* before he realizes he is now hot enough to be a catch**”.

      *sign a lease
      **before he realizes the property value is up

    4. Yotomoe

      She’s saying you gotta cash in on that caramel cock before demand suddenly skyrockets.

    5. Leah

      While we are at explaining, would someone please be so kind and explain to me what Joyce meant several panel ago when she said that it’s bullcrap that it’s only now that Walky is hot enough for Dorothy? Because I must admit I was pretty confused by that.

      1. Hopeluminous

        She meant that it’s “bullcrap” (probably to be read as “too bad”) Walky is only in Dorothy’s league now that they’re broken up and wasn’t while they were together.

        1. milu

          she stans Dorothy pretty hard and never thought Walky was worth her.

          there’s a bit when Walky sort of breaks up with Dorothy (for bad reasons, can’t remember precisely) and Joyce gets way mad at him and forces him to go apologize and make up with Dorothy, and once he’s done so she says to Dorothy (in Walky’s presence i think? lol) “good! now you can break up with him”.

          the issue wasn’t that they were broken up, see, that was good actually. but Walky dumping Dorothy?! hell no

        2. Sam

          Walky broke up with Dorothy over wearing pajama jeans in public. Which Dorothy said no to but in fact had no say over. It was actually a moment I agreed with Walky because you get to be presentable and comfy, there is nothing wrong with that in my eyes. Just people being too caught up in norms to respect that pajama trousers are in fact still trousers you could choose to wear in public if that is what you want to do. I have and not a single person remarked on it. My dad didn’t even notice and we left the house together and were in a car together for 40+ minutes. He was allowed to make this a dealbreaker if he wanted to.

          Joyce decided that was a stupid reason and made them get back together though because she thought Walky didn’t even deserve Dorothy and therefore was an idiot for doing so.

        3. thejeff

          OTOH, you’re also allowed to not date people who do things you don’t like, so it’s not entirely wrong for Dorothy either. Relationships require negotiations and compromise, not ultimatums and edicts.

          My take on that scene, in addition to the bits with Joyce, is that it was highlighting Dorothy’s expectations of romance, set by dating Danny for so long, and how she needed to adjust. Danny (at least at the start of the comic) would have backed down if challenged like that. Walky didn’t. Dorothy didn’t expect that.

        4. Dana

          iirc, dorothy basically stated she had that conclusion herself.

        5. Joy

          “Huh. I actually like this analysis.” sie said mildly.

          [mildly as in without a strong sense of surprise but also think mild weather]

        6. Leah

          Thanks!

  4. JetstreamGW

    Chop chop, Lucy, clock is ticking.

  5. Nono

    People Find Walky Hot is the most bizarre storyline since Amazi-Girl Rides Again or Mary is Happy or The Whiteboard Ding-Dong Bandit.

    1. Michael Haneline

      Good I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so. Except this weirds me out way more than any of those other stories.

    2. StClair

      I’m getting flashbacks to the “Ethan as Prophet” arc, m’self.

      1. C.T Phipps

        I maintain that is the greatest story of Shortpacked! Sadly, it didn’t end with them singing “Always look on the Bright Side of Life” while he was duct taped to the store sign.

    3. Lars

      The Booster works in mysterious ways.

  6. Proto_Eevee

    That squiggly bubble in panel 3 makes me think Billie is rethinking her boyfriend choices.

    1. heliska

      In panel 4 you mean? She’s just glancing at Walky and realizing his hotness.

      1. Deanatay

        Correct. Evee, that needn’t mean Jennifer is rethinking her boyfriend choices – she is a professional ogler, and is capable of considering someone hot without being personally attracted to them.

        Also, it’s her ‘brother’, so there’ll always be that mitigating ‘EW’ factor.

        1. Joy

          like you know when gay dudes say “I’m gay, not blind.”?

  7. Madock345

    Glad Walky is finally getting some positive attention, he’s been the butt of too many jokes so far for my taste, it feels a little mean. This is refreshing.

    1. Sirksome

      He’s obviously had it rough since Mike died. It’s nice to see him have nice things even if he doesn’t realize it yet.

      1. Yotomoe

        Y’know how if your roommate dies you pass all your classes? What they don’t tell you is that you also get all of their residual sexual energy.

    2. Zach

      I disagree on the grounds he seeks negative attention as a means to avoid growing up. As he matures, he will attain greater hotness.

      1. Council

        It’s amazing how we can have meaningful conversations on a topic people would normally boil down to ‘If you stopped acting like a moron, you’d be more attractive’.

  8. Bagge

    Jennifer is helping.

  9. DarkoNeko

    Helpful advice right there

  10. BBCC

    Listen to Jennifer, she’s an alpha bongo.

    1. Clif

      Seems charming.

  11. Stephen Bierce

    *plays The Mary Jane Girls’ “In My House” on the P.A. speakers*

  12. Yotomoe

    Guys I am just ONE ounce of laziness too lazy to draw all the girls dogpiling on Walky. Just really fucking lay it on thick. Just go full harem protagonist. But that sounds like a ltota work.

    1. Jeff K!

      *removes three oz. of laziness from Yoto’s pantry*

      1. Makkabee

        *puts two oz. of laziness back in Yoto’s pantry to maximize cliffhanger drama*

        1. Despite Rage

          *am too lazy to transport laziness to or from Yoto’s pantry

        2. Shen Hibiki

          *sitting in the pantry eating the actual food, so the total weight goes down anyway but the laziness stays*

    2. Dana

      If you do draw that, I’ll be kinda bummed that cartoon porn doesn’t really do it for me. You do good work.

      1. Yotomoe

        It’s better than me. REAL life porn doesn’t do it for me. Don’t know why. Actual humans just don’t get me hot but cartoons do.

  13. Grimeyville

    I want Walky to realize what he has but in a weird spin, be kind of…Unaffected by it. In the sense that he acknowledges people must think he’s attractive but he himself doesn’t feel like his self-worth has changed and him dealing with that.

  14. King Daniel

    Asher just likes the stock Walk(y)

  15. StClair

    Prediction:
    Tomorrow (i.e., in a few weeks), he wakes up, his hair’s grown another millimeter or two, and just like that, he is no longer Hot.
    No, it’s not logical or plausible. It’s comedy.

    1. Sirksome

      I think this is the new status quo now actually. It probably won’t be acknowledged to this extent again since this is a storyline about him being hot now, but I think moving forward it will just be a thing. I mean it already kind of was. He was hot before the time skip and it wasn’t just his hair. Dorothy noticed and his butt being exceptional to most sexualities is canon.

    2. Gwen

      Honestly, that’s totally how growing out short hair works. Looks awful! Looks ok! Looks awful! Looks amazing! Looks awful!

      1. Council

        Amen. The attention you have to pay keeping shorter hair presentable is a big part of why I prefer to grow it out.

        1. Council

          Long hair needs more love and care, sure, but that’s dependent entirely on you giving it. No amount of dedication will make a bad length of hair work.

  16. DailyBrad

    She’s not wrong, Lucy, make your move.

    1. Yotomoe

      She’s just standing around with something to prove, she’s gotta get on the floor and bust a move.

      1. Lone Duck

        Nice Young MC callback there.

        1. Yotomoe

          I mean hey, If you want it. You got it!

        2. ValdVin

          I expect someone to draw Lucy in yellow…(and something rhymes with Yellow, I forget–don’t get old, kids) now.

        3. milu

          mellow?

        4. milu

          omg i whooshed so hard!! sorry VV. don’t comment drunk kids

    2. Reaver

      She’s made 4500000 moves, he’s not interested

  17. King Daniel

    If Walky’s hair really grew that fast, his hair would’ve been down to his shoulders by the end of Season 1 😛

    1. King Daniel

      this was supposed to be a reply to StClair above

  18. tbf

    Is this a call back to Walky telling Jennifer that her real estate bubbles burst, way back in year one?

    1. Needfuldoer

      It’s the same metaphor, anyway.

  19. plasticwrap

    Billie: Bisexual Love Sleuth

    1. Fist_of_Life

      Jennifer: Now 100% Absolutely Totally Unwaveringly Straight Love Sleuth

      1. RassilonTDavros

        Jennifer’s post-timeskip denial over her sexuality just… hurts to read. Even if she and Ruth really are done forever, the way she dismisses everything that happened between them and all of the ways they changed each other’s lives as “just a phase” is horrible. Jennifer never knows what to do with her past, and her attempts to move beyond it usually just end up being “acting like it never happened,” until it all comes crashing down again. I really hope she’ll break out of that one day.

        (Also Asher offed a guy for knowing too much and is just as fundamentally untrustworthy as Carol, but that’s less relevant to how Jennifer is currently acting and more relevant to “how is her life going to come crashing down this time.”)

      2. thejeff

        It’s bisexual in the same sense that Joyce is a Lesbian Love Detective – if she was picking up Asher’s interest in Walky.

  20. Romanticide

    She might as well do her try now… if he doesn’t want her she can at least crash right now and be done with it, if he does… well that might be another future crash but those are other matters

  21. Sirksome

    I do wonder how Walky’s sudden increase in hotness will effect his past relationships. For instance just yesterday Amber seemed completely done with him and annoyed by his mere presence. I wonder if that will changed now that he’s magically hotter only a day later. Will Dorothy try to slide back in for some exes just having fun activity?

    1. Rotunda

      It seems to be basic to the construction of this arc that Walky’s new charisma affects *everyone*, so encounters with Amber and Dorothy have potential for entertainment.

      1. Mordecai

        Yeah, Joyce was the last bastion to this not becoming a harem anime. If even she thinks Walky’s hot, it’s over; everyone will.

        1. Sirksome

          I actually think someone like Becky or Dina would be the last bastion into harem anime. I’m really interested in seeing their reactions to new hot Walky.

        2. Mordecai

          Good point!

      2. milu

        everyone except Sal. And my exes do kinda feel like siblings in that way, so

  22. Rainhat

    Wow… that’s not bad advice. And it’s well-intentioned. And it’s not advising anything twisty or backhanded.

    …I’m missing something, aren’t I?

    1. King Daniel

      Well, they are roommates, and this isn’t the first time Jennifer’s given Lucy advice on hooking up with Walky (in fact, a prior such occasion was actually how the idea first crossed Lucy’s mind to begin with).

    2. milu

      i mean it kind of seems like realistic advice, but also, it feels sort of ugly to me to compare dating and real estate?

      Like, maybe you want someone to date you because that’s right, I am a MFing god/dess. what’s that? you wish to touch my body? mmmm i dunnoooo *sigh* ok fine i guess you may lick my toe then— not because they think you are the best they can score with their current credit hotness ratings.

  23. Reltzik

    Lucy, please remember that:

    1) Jennifer gives bad advice.
    2) Jennifer is advising you to invest in a real estate bubble on the grounds that it’s a real estate bubble.

    1. Opus the Poet

      The trick is if you know it’s a bubble get out before it busts.

      IOW don’t “let it ride”.

    2. Vukodlak

      If your only looking for one house then it’s fine. It’s only a problem if you plan to resell the property later for profit.

    3. Uly

      No, Jennifer is advising that if you’re gonna rent, you sign the rental agreement before the landlord realizes he can charge three times the price.

    4. Lone Duck

      The whole metaphor is on Billie’s assumption that Walky can do better than Lucy now, so she needs to close the deal. Billie’s on the same rating game that Joe was on, it’s just less obvious. I’m curious if Billie actually connects with Asher, or if it just seemed like a move up in popularity.

      1. Reltzik

        Maybe popularity is how she connects with people.

      2. Needfuldoer

        She’s all about posturing her way to the top of the social ladder, no matter how many friends she steps on to get there.

    5. ziggy78eog

      Is it really? Jennifer knows that Lucy has feelings for Walky; to me, the only thing Jennifer is doing, is giving Lucy a shove in a direction she already wants to go in. Jennifer wants Lucy to get past her hesitancy.

      1. Dana

        Yeah, she just can’t help but put it in terms she’s familiar with as a real estate speculator.

  24. Rycan

    Is this because Walky stood up to Asher a few months ago?

    1. thejeff

      Not likely. Asher didn’t acknowledge him in the previous version of this scene – when we saw him and Jennifer for the first time after the timeskip. And it seems new to both her and Walky who likely would have had chances to see them interact before then.

  25. Varangian

    Jennifer’s right, Lucy. In the words of the poets, “save a horse silicone approximation, ride a cowboy Walky.”

  26. BenRG

    There is some authentic and vintage Billie there! I wonder if Lucy will take Jennifer’s advice and how Walky will react?

  27. Keulen

    Lucy should probably follow Jennifer’s advice, and also realize that she needs to be a lot more direct since Walky has been really oblivious to her hints so far.

    1. BenRG

      JOYCE: “Did it work?”

      LUCY (semi-entranced): “Yeeesss…”

      JOYCE: “Okay.” (Sucks in a deep breath) “Sal, I need to talk to you about something!”

      Personally, I think that Joyce/Dorothy is more interesting but there is a huge wall of denial there whilst I think it is more likely that Joyce would acknowledge and act on her crush on Sal first. It’s something that she’d have to get out of the way, one way or another.

      1. King Daniel

        Alas for Joyce in your hypothetical situation, we’ve Word of Willis that Sal is very straight.

  28. Rabisch

    Jennifer is a true friend, at least with Lucy. She’s giving her a great advice.

    1. Dana

      Nah, Ms. Billingsworth is proving that you don’t need to be someone’s friend to commit an act of friendship.

  29. Amos Batista

    God forgive me to disrespect those who passed away, but I’m suspect Mike’s death did some kind of good for Walky.

    1. BenRG

      I think that Mike would have been the first to say that he was a bad person who hurt people. The mystery was always his true motive for doing so.

      1. C.T Phipps

        I think the lesson of Mike in DOA was that Mike THOUGHT he was a warrior therapist but discovered, in a moment of Darth Vader-esque last minute revulsion, that he made Amber into a monster.

        That his advice and example was terrible.

      2. Spencer

        Mike didn’t think he was a bad person. He thought he was helping, that he was toughening Amber to the point where she’d take her dad down and make Ethan realize he needs to be open with himself, until it hit him right in the face that he’s a stupid asshole who ruined everyone’s lives by insisting he knew better than them.

        1. StClair

          You can be, and think you are, a bad person and still do things that are useful and valuable (or, more typically, that you’re a good person even though you do things that aren’t). One might think that the one would offset the other, but not if one is committed to that self-image.

          Remember the quote: “Not one is righteous, not one.” Mike would probably be the first to assert that what he does/did did NOT make him, in any way, a good/not a bad person.

        2. thejeff

          Apparently he did think he wasn’t a bad person – or at least not as bad as he realized he was when confronted by the similarity between his justifications for abusing Amber and Blaine’s.

          And while someone can do useful and valuable things while being a bad person, I’m not sure what of Mike’s falls into that category. Maybe sex with Ethan turned out well for Ethan?

      3. Sam

        Mike did not think he was a bad person. He knew people hated him. He knew they thought he was a bad person. But he thought in his edgelord arrogant way that he was doing the right thing. That punching people enough emotionally gave them the strength to punch back eventually. He had good intentions. He thought if you punched people a little now they’d be ready to punch anyone else they had to later, so what ‘evils’ he did accept he did, were justified in his own mind, for their ultimate protection.

        And he only realised that he had been doing the exact same thing as Blaine claimed to (I say claimed as his actions vs words obviously conflicted a lot), to a milder degree (I say milder because he lacked a position of authority and did not actually physically abuse people). And then he threw himself and Blaine off a building. He may have thought he was a bad person in that moment, but before that, he didn’t.

    2. thumb

      You’d be surprised how much peoples’ passing can improve lives. Regardless of how you felt about them. It’s cruel.

      1. thejeff

        Of course, realizing your life has been improved by their death is often pretty distressing on its own. Now you get to feel guilty for feeling relieved about them being dead.

      2. C.T Phipps

        That is the case with Blaine. It certainly wasn’t the case with Mike as its left Amber emotionally destroyed.

        1. Regalli

          Amber, no. Likewise not Ethan. Even though he was bad for them, with the possible exception of sleeping with Ethan – and even then, Ethan seems to be using casual flings as a way to accept his sexuality while not having to actually deal with the parental bullshit he’d get if he did get serious with someone, so I can see it being a necessary step for him while not stable longterm – dying was the worst possible way he could leave their lives. Especially dying to save AG. They were already second-guessing his motives for doing it, even his last ‘best friends’ would play into the ‘but one time I’ll say yes just to keep hope alive’ thing he said to Ethan when they were kids, and at the same time there’s just enough hope that he was sincere to invoke not speaking ill of the dead and making it so much harder to unpack the ways he DID traumatize them. I may have found it shitty of Danny to say so outside Mike’s hospital room, but he was right that it’s better Mike is out of their lives. The problem is THIS gives him a rent-free spot in their heads.

          However, it did noticeably relieve a LOT of pressure on Walky, who was apparently pretty on edge in his own living space because his roommate was always looking for an opportunity to fuck with him. Mike DYING is still going to have some negative impacts on Walky, because holy fuck his roommate was MURDERED by the guys who kidnapped him almost immediately afterwards, not to mention Walky caring about Amber who was seriously hurt by it… buuut it’s also not nice, uncomplicated grief. Which is a weird feeling to have for anyone, but made all the messier when the deceased is another teenager who you knew for about two months but your mutual friend who knew him far longer and was treated far worse IS grieving. What right does Walky have to feel relieved by this? (The right as Mike’s roommate to not worry about the dude recording him crying, or going to ridiculous extents to make him do so, or the general degree of psychological fuckery that leaves Walky still questioning if this isn’t maybe another prank months down the line, but I digress.)

        2. C.T Phipps

          Yes, Walky has been devastated by Mike’s death. May even be traumatized by it.

        3. C.T Phipps

          In short, the world is worse for Mike’s loss.

          As most people not Blaine.

  30. Eldritchy

    Is this that “This is my popular phase” thing I’ve been hearing about?

  31. Proto

    Damn, Walky out here like he’s in an Axe body spray commercial

  32. Falconer

    That’s not nice, Jennifer!

    1. Sporky

      Have you met her? She’s not nice.

  33. thumb

    Jennifer knows what’s up.

  34. ziggy78eog

    Next Slipshine strip, Lucy hands in her V-card, via Walky.

    1. Bagge

      “Lucy makes a move”

      1. Varangian

        Willis, please, for the love of all that is holy, make the next slipshine “Lucy Signs A Lease”

        1. He Who Abides

          Just so long as we get “Please Don’t Leave Your Hat On” when Dina and Becky finally get it on.

  35. FacelessDeviant

    Its interesting to see the way sex/gender influences how people talk about these kind of things.

    1. milu

      how so?

  36. Matty

    Any day now I’m waiting on what’s happening to Walky to happen to me. Yep. Aaaaannny day now….

  37. Juanoku

    Right, only sal and amber know about him
    Asher seems pretty chill with Walky too, so maybe things are looking up?

  38. Rocketboy1313

    “Girl you need to get it in like a last minute assignment.”
    “Gotta take it like a trip to the Bahamas.”
    “Bang it like a gong, girl.”
    “Hurry up and fuck him.”

  39. Roborat

    Lucy might have missed the boat on that, she might already have been friend zoned by Walky.

    1. timemonkey

      There might never have been a boat to catch at all.

      1. SadnessWithASmile

        Oh, I think a fair few people are trying to ship it…

  40. HMRC4EVR

    So…Billie’s telling Lucy to sleep with Walky before he realizes he’s somehow ‘hot’ now?

    1. Samantha

      Yes

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